Insights Into Teens: Episode 125 ”Teens and Accountability”

https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-bsexz-10ec02a

This week we’re talking about teens and accountability. We’ll define what accountability is and how to hold teens accountable. Then we’ll talk about setting goals and how to help our teens realize those goals. Finally we’ll look at ways to help instill accountability in teens and help them make themselves successful.

Show Notes

INTRO THEME]

  • [INTRODUCTIONS] 
    • Insights Into Teens: Episode 125 “Teens and Accountability”
    • My responsible and accountable co-host Madison Whalen
  • Summary
    • This week we’re talking about teens and accountability. We’ll define what accountability is and how to hold teens accountable. Then we’ll talk about setting goals and how to help our teens realize those goals. Finally we’ll look at ways to help instill accountability in teens and help them make themselves successful.

[TRANSITION]

   [SEGMENT 1] 

What is accountability

https://bit.ly/3u3PtHI

  • The definition of “accountable” is taking responsibility for one’s actions, and it is something every parent hopes their teen will do. 
  • When parents teach their kids to take responsibility for their decisions and actions, they help them develop into conscientious human beings and responsible citizens of the community. 
  • Without accountability, teenagers blame others, refuse to follow rules they find unfair, and find ways to justify their behavior regardless of the impact on others.
  • So, if we all want accountable teenagers, why are there so many teens and young adults who seem to lack this valuable attribute? 
  • Instilling accountability is simply not an easy task. 
  • It’s a long process that requires patience and diplomacy. 
  • Many times, it will appear that our hard work is not achieving any results, which can make some parents give up. 
  • But take heart! 
  • It is possible to raise accountable teenagers in our modern society, and if you don’t give up, you will eventually see your teen develop into a responsible adult.
  • The first step is holding your teen accountable, so how do you do that?

Ways to Hold Our Kids Accountable

  • Older kids do much of their schoolwork, chores, and other various tasks without much intervention on our part. 
  • Because of this, it can be easy to get lax and to think that they are completing more than they actually are. 
  • We all benefit from having accountability in our lives, no matter what our age. 
  • Our teens definitely achieve more when they know they are answerable to someone than if they are left completely to their own devices.

Here are some tips for holding our older kids accountable:

  1. Do Some Things Together
    1. Just because our teenagers are capable of working independently doesn’t mean they should be doing all of their work without any input from us. 
    2. Even though our roles are often more of a mentor than a teacher, our kids still appreciate some togetherness from time to time. 
    3. Believe it or not, reading books aloud to our teens is extremely beneficial for them and is a great way to make some fun family memories.
    4. If your teen is a kinesthetic learner (someone who learns best by doing and is hands on), working on projects together can also be a great experience. 
    5. We need to give our kids opportunities to see someone do something and to attempt to do it themselves rather than expecting them to learn everything by reading about it in a book.
    6. Learn how to do things together. 
    7. Watch YouTube videos, take a community education class, or hire someone to teach both of you. 
    8. Have fun with this!
  2. Talk to Them
    1. If your teen is learning about a specific topic, have a discussion with them about it. 
    2. Ask them to tell you about something new they’ve learned. 
    3. Have them explain something to you or show you what they’re working on. 
    4. Find out if they have anything that’s currently frustrating them or making it difficult for them to proceed. 
    5. Brainstorm solutions together and then check back later to see if that actually helped.
  3. Check Their Work
    1. Whether they are doing schoolwork or chores, it’s important for us to spot check our teens from time to time. 
    2. Are they doing a thorough job or putting forward their best effort? 
    3. Are they remembering to do what we’ve asked them to do? 
    4. There are a variety of ways to do these checks, but it can be helpful to check up on kids when you get home from work. 
    5. There’s something about knowing that parents will be inspecting their work that will help motivate kids to do their best.

[AD1: SSE]

[SEGMENT 2]

Helping our teens realize their goals

https://bit.ly/3lRHTwj

  • Accountability is about goals.
  • They could be personal goals, academic goals, athletic goals, professional goals or parental goals such as chores.
  • Once a goal is established, we are held accountable to achieving the goal.
  • Many of the goals teens are held accountable for are academic in nature.
  • Whether or not you’ve taught your kids about goal setting in the past, the teen years are an excellent time for a refresher course. 
  • Here are 5 important steps to helping our kids set and reach their goals:
  1. Make it Compelling
    1. Set goals that get us excited, then we’re much more likely to do the work that it takes to get us where we want to go. 
    2. We should encourage teens to come up with things that will make them want to get out of bed in the morning. 
    3. Help them to dream big!
  2. Make It Specific and Measurable
    1. Teach kids to set goals in such a way that they’ll know once they’ve achieved it. 
    2. It’s impossible to reach a goal which is vague such as “Get into the college of my dreams someday.” 
    3. A much better goal would be “Get accepted to the University of Michigan by May 1st.” 
    4. Including a deadline is an important way to make a goal measurable.
  3. Come Up With a Step-by-Step Plan
    1. If they have large goals such as getting accepted to a specific college, we should teach them how to break these goals down into smaller steps. 
    2. For instance, if your child wants to get accepted into the University of Michigan, they should come up with daily, weekly, and monthly plan which will help them to achieve this large goal. 
    3. These steps would include things such as researching the acceptance criteria, taking academically appropriate course tracks in highschool, taking practice SAT or ACT tests, taking AP tests, developing college essays, developing your community service record, or prepping for on-campus interviews
  4. Find Ways to Remember Their Goals
    1. It doesn’t do any good to come up with goals and detailed plans for reaching their goals if they are soon forgotten. 
    2. We need to teach ways to keep their goals fresh in their mind. 
    3. Show them how to make vision boards. 
    4. Have them post goal lists somewhere that they will see often. 
    5. We should also make a point of talking to them often about their goals and dreams. 
    6. Ask them what they’re doing to achieve their goals. 
    7. Be sure they aren’t stuck.
  5. Take Action Every Day
    1. Our kids will be much more likely to achieve their goals if they work on them regularly. 
    2. We should encourage them to work on their goals every day – or at least weekly. 
    3. Teach them to create To Do Lists and to ask themselves what they can do right now which will move them closer to their goal.
  • Now that our teens have a set of goals in place an a plan to achieve them, how do we hold them accountable
  • We’ll talk about that in more detail when we come back

[AD2: ENTERTAINMENT]

[SEGMENT 3] 

How to instill accountability in teens

  1. Demonstrate personal responsibility.
    1. Role modeling is the most effective tool parents have for teaching their teens anything. 
    2. Any value you want your teen to have, simply demonstrate it in your everyday life. 
    3. So if you want your teen to take responsibility for their actions, you should do the same. 
    4. Avoid blaming others. 
    5. Follow rules, and don’t avoid the consequences if you break them. 
    6. If you make a mistake, admit it, apologize, and make amends if possible.
  2. Create a culture of accountability in your family.
    1. Your family has its own culture that reflects your values, expectations, rules, and hopes. 
    2. If you want an accountable teen, then each member of your family must be responsible for their own actions and behaviors, each family member must be responsible for following rules and expectations, and each must be responsible for how they respond to stressful or frustrating situations. 
    3. No one in the family should be allowed to change the rules to fit their own needs or feelings.
  3. Establish boundaries.
    1. You must provide your children clear and firm rules and expectations, so that they are aware of the consequences of their actions. 
    2. Your teen must know that if they choose to break the rules, there will be a consequence for that choice. 
    3. Of course, this only works if you don’t give in or give up just because your teen whines or promises to behave. 
    4. You must see the consequence through in order to see the behavior change.
  4. Be involved in their life.
    1. Research consistently shows that teens with involved parents are more likely to be responsible and do better in school and less likely to engage in risky behaviors, such as drugs, crime and sex. 
    2. Establish open, friendly, honest communication with your children from a young age. 
    3. Learn about their interests and attend their activities. 
    4. Showing that you care about and support your teen helps them feel valued, and this in turn makes them more eager to engage with you and want to please you.
  5. But don’t be overinvolved.
    1. There is a fine line between showing your teen that you support them and micromanaging their lives. 
    2. As parents, many of us do things for our kids today that we were able and expected to do for ourselves when we were children. 
    3. Our parents didn’t often feel the need to negotiate with our sports coach, solve our every problem, or entertain us in our free time. 
    4. We should let our teens manage their own lives.
  6. Refrain from rescuing your teen.
    1. It is so painful for us, as parents, to watch our children go through difficult circumstances, and we typically want to jump in and fix things. 
    2. While this is a natural reaction of wanting to protect someone we love, it is actually one of the worst things you can do as a parent. 
    3. When your child is a teenager, your role becomes more of a coach. 
    4. You want to guide and support your teen through their difficulty while still allowing them to discover their own capabilities. 
    5. If we step in, we stop the learning process and deprive our teen from developing the courage needed to try new things and solve problems. 
    6. Your teen needs to learn now – before they leave your home as a young adult – how to manage obstacles in life, and they need to have experience overcoming a difficulty on their own so that they gain confidence in themselves and realize they are capable. 
    7. When you rescue your teen, you are inadvertently communicating to them that you don’t think they can handle challenges, and your teen will begin to doubt their own abilities. 
    8. Your teen will learn to expect that others will take care of things for them, and they will become a master of avoiding challenges, instead of facing them.
  7. Allow natural consequences.
    1. No matter how painful, you must let your teen be responsible for the good and bad decisions they have made. 
    2. It might feel cruel, but it is actually the very best parenting you can offer. 
    3. If a teen gets a ticket for speeding, he should pay the fine, not you. 
    4. If they don’t have the money, they will need to find a way to earn it or lose their license. 
    5. If your teen procrastinates on a big project, do not do the project for them. 
    6. If your teen didn’t prepare for an exam, don’t make excuses to the teacher and beg for a second chance. 
    7. Let them receive a bad grade and handle the results. 
    8. This way kids will learn how to take responsibility for their actions and deal with the consequences.
  8. Praise them when they demonstrate responsibility.
    1. Positive reinforcement of any actions your teen takes to show responsibility will encourage them to continue the behavior. 
    2. Never underestimate the power of a compliment.

[TRANSITION]

[OUTRO AND CREDITS]

Transcription

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[Music]

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insightful podcasts

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[Music]

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by informative hosts

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[Music]

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insights into things

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[Music]

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a podcast network

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[Music]

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welcome to insights into teens a podcast

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series exploring the issues and

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challenges of today’s youth your hosts

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are joseph and madison whalen a father

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and daughter team making their way

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through the challenges of the teenage

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years

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[Music]

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[Applause]

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welcome to insights into teens this is

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episode 125 teens and accountability i

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am your host joseph whalen and my

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responsible and accountable co-host

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madison whalen hi everyone how you doing

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today maddie

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all right how about you i’m doing okay

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how was your week this week

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um

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so far not bad

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so far it’s thursday it’s gotta be

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fairly decent right yeah so far okay

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good no major issues no major problems

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nothing to talk about

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i mean there have been stuff but like

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not like extremely bad stuff

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enough to make a podcast

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maybe maybe a later date

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we’ll just pile all this stuff together

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and then we’ll make a podcast out of it

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sure okay

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that’s not what we’re talking about

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today though nope today we are talking

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about teens and accountability this week

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we’ll be talking about

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what accountability is and how to hold

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teens accountable

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then we’ll talk about setting goals and

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how to help our teens realize those

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goals

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and finally we’ll talk about uh ways to

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help instill accountability in teens and

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help them make themselves successful

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but before we do that i would invite our

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audio our listening and viewing audience

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to subscribe to the podcast you can get

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audio versions of this podcast listed as

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insights into teens

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shall we get into it yes we shall all

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right

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[Music]

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so what is accountability so our

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definition for accountability comes from

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a site we’ve used before

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called middle

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earthnj.org and they say

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the definition of accountability is

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taking responsibility for one’s actions

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and it is something every parent hopes

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their teen will do that’s kind of a

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subjective statement i’m i’m assuming

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every parent does but i’m sure there’s a

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few out there who could care less

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when parents teach their kids to take

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responsibility for their decisions and

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actions they help them develop into

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conscientious human beings and

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responsible citizens of the community

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without accountability teenagers blame

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others and refuse to follow rules they

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find unfair

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and find ways to justify their behavior

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regardless of the impact on others

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so if we all want accountable teenagers

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why are there so many teens and young

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adults who seem to lack this valuable

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attribute

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instilling accountability is simply not

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an easy task

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it is a long process that requires

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patience and diplimacy

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many times it will appear that our hard

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work is is not achieving any results

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which can make some parents give up but

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take heart

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it is possible to raise accountable

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teenagers in our modern society and if

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you don’t give up you will eventually

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see your teen develop into a responsible

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adult

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the first step is holding your teen

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accountable so how do you do that

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so before we get into how to hold teens

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accountable let me ask you on a scale of

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1 to 10 10 being the highest

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how accountable do you think you are for

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your actions and the things you’re

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responsible for

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i’d say for the most part i’m pretty

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close to 10. okay

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can you give me an example uh let’s see

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account

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um

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i know i’m accountable for my schoolwork

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right and how how reliable are you at

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doing your homework for instance

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pretty reliable

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um unless i

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for some reason forget it i’m more than

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likely able to complete my homework

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unless i have a problem with it or like

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i said i forget it so unless you’re

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unreliable then you’re pretty reliable

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that’s pretty much what you’re saying

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like mainly if i have problems with it

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i’ll at least try to like talk to the

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teachers see if i can work something out

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otherwise for the most part i’m pretty

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i’m able to get most of my homework done

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for the most part now are there any

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areas that you think you could improve

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your accountability

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um

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and and i ask not having any particular

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ones in mind either so

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um

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which means the answer the valid answer

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could be no

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not

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not none really

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nothing specific comes to mind right now

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okay well maybe as we go through uh the

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show here you might come up with a few

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things and we might be able to

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to help you out with some things or

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because clearly if you’re a 10 out of 10

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on accountability

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you’re probably not going to benefit too

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much from what we have to cover in this

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podcast but yeah

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maybe by the end of the show we’ll find

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something or maybe it’ll just this will

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just be for the

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enjoyment entertainment and education

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for those listening and watching sure so

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how do you hold teens accountable tell

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us about that

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so here are some some ways to hold our

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teens accountable so older teens do much

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of their schoolwork choice and other

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various tasks without much intervention

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on the parents part

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because of this it can be easy to get

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lacks and to think that they are

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completing more than they actually are

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we all benefit from having

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accountability in our lives no matter

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what our age our teens will definitely

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achieve more when they know what they’re

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they are answerable to someone than if

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they have com they are left completely

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to their own devices

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and i agree with that i think it’s

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important to have

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somebody even

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you know with with me at work you know

0:07:48.080,0:07:51.680
it’s important for me to have someone

0:07:49.680,0:07:54.000
that i can report to

0:07:51.680,0:07:56.240
to kind of keep me in line and have

0:07:54.000,0:07:58.080
sanity checks and make sure i’m doing

0:07:56.240,0:07:59.759
what’s right and getting feedback

0:07:58.080,0:08:02.000
positive or negative

0:07:59.759,0:08:04.000
so having that there is important

0:08:02.000,0:08:05.759
but we do have a few tips for holding

0:08:04.000,0:08:07.520
our older kids accountable so the first

0:08:05.759,0:08:10.160
one we talk about

0:08:07.520,0:08:12.240
is to do some things together

0:08:10.160,0:08:14.160
just because our teenagers are capable

0:08:12.240,0:08:15.919
of working independently

0:08:14.160,0:08:19.520
doesn’t mean they should do

0:08:15.919,0:08:22.080
all their work without any input from us

0:08:19.520,0:08:25.039
even though our roles are often more of

0:08:22.080,0:08:27.360
a mentor than a teacher our kids still

0:08:25.039,0:08:29.120
appreciate some togetherness time from

0:08:27.360,0:08:31.039
from time to time

0:08:29.120,0:08:32.240
believe it or not reading books aloud to

0:08:31.039,0:08:34.800
our teens

0:08:32.240,0:08:37.279
is extremely beneficial for them and

0:08:34.800,0:08:38.640
it’s a great way to make some fun family

0:08:37.279,0:08:41.680
memories

0:08:38.640,0:08:44.720
if your teen is a kinesthetic learner

0:08:41.680,0:08:47.120
someone who learns by best by doing and

0:08:44.720,0:08:49.920
is a hands-on type learner

0:08:47.120,0:08:52.080
working on projects together can also be

0:08:49.920,0:08:54.640
a great experience which we might have a

0:08:52.080,0:08:56.640
project this weekend to do

0:08:54.640,0:08:59.440
we need to give our kids opportunities

0:08:56.640,0:09:01.440
to see someone doing something and to

0:08:59.440,0:09:03.519
attempt to do it themselves rather than

0:09:01.440,0:09:05.680
expecting them to learn everything by

0:09:03.519,0:09:08.399
reading about it in a book

0:09:05.680,0:09:10.480
learn how to do things together

0:09:08.399,0:09:11.920
watch youtube videos

0:09:10.480,0:09:14.080
take a community

0:09:11.920,0:09:16.560
education class

0:09:14.080,0:09:19.760
or hire someone to teach both of you and

0:09:16.560,0:09:19.760
have some fun with this

0:09:20.000,0:09:24.240
so we also have just simply to talk to

0:09:23.440,0:09:25.519
them

0:09:24.240,0:09:27.680
if your teen is learning about a

0:09:25.519,0:09:28.959
specific topic have a discussion with

0:09:27.680,0:09:31.200
them about it

0:09:28.959,0:09:32.399
ask them to tell you about something new

0:09:31.200,0:09:34.640
they’ve learned

0:09:32.399,0:09:36.800
have them explain something to you or

0:09:34.640,0:09:38.399
show you what they’re working on

0:09:36.800,0:09:40.160
find out if they have anything that’s

0:09:38.399,0:09:42.000
currently frustrating them or making it

0:09:40.160,0:09:43.839
difficult for them to proceed

0:09:42.000,0:09:45.839
brainstorm solutions together and then

0:09:43.839,0:09:47.120
check back later to see if that actually

0:09:45.839,0:09:48.880
helped

0:09:47.120,0:09:51.200
and then ultimately you have to check

0:09:48.880,0:09:52.880
their work so whether do they’re doing

0:09:51.200,0:09:54.959
school work or chores

0:09:52.880,0:09:56.959
it’s important for us to spot check our

0:09:54.959,0:09:58.959
teens from time to time

0:09:56.959,0:10:00.640
are they doing a thorough job or putting

0:09:58.959,0:10:02.640
forward their best effort

0:10:00.640,0:10:05.360
are they remembering to do what we’ve

0:10:02.640,0:10:07.040
asked them to do there are a variety of

0:10:05.360,0:10:08.720
ways to do these checks but it can be

0:10:07.040,0:10:10.480
helpful to check up on your kids when

0:10:08.720,0:10:12.640
you get home from work

0:10:10.480,0:10:14.480
there is something about knowing that

0:10:12.640,0:10:16.720
parents will be inspecting their work

0:10:14.480,0:10:17.680
that will help motivate kids to do their

0:10:16.720,0:10:20.800
best

0:10:17.680,0:10:22.480
so let me ask you do any of these things

0:10:20.800,0:10:24.480
are you responsive to any of these

0:10:22.480,0:10:26.079
things do these help you to be more

0:10:24.480,0:10:27.200
accountable

0:10:26.079,0:10:30.000
um

0:10:27.200,0:10:32.880
well i do appreciate when you guys um

0:10:30.000,0:10:34.240
sometimes do things with me um i do

0:10:32.880,0:10:35.920
appreciate that i kind of get that

0:10:34.240,0:10:38.240
bonding time with you

0:10:35.920,0:10:40.480
even if you’re not helping me direct

0:10:38.240,0:10:42.399
helping me directly with something

0:10:40.480,0:10:45.600
normally we’re always doing something

0:10:42.399,0:10:48.160
fun together that’s a good point um and

0:10:45.600,0:10:51.279
i’d say talk and i’d say for talking you

0:10:48.160,0:10:52.959
guys uh definitely talk with me um

0:10:51.279,0:10:54.880
and you always like want to know how my

0:10:52.959,0:10:57.600
day is and a lot of times it can

0:10:54.880,0:10:58.480
sometimes help if i’m having a bad day

0:10:57.600,0:11:00.720
right

0:10:58.480,0:11:03.200
how are we about checking up on your

0:11:00.720,0:11:04.800
work and holding you accountable forward

0:11:03.200,0:11:07.200
are we

0:11:04.800,0:11:09.519
strict about that are we too strict are

0:11:07.200,0:11:11.279
we not strict enough do you feel as

0:11:09.519,0:11:12.720
though you know we’re involved enough

0:11:11.279,0:11:14.800
and what you’re doing

0:11:12.720,0:11:16.880
to to kind of help guide you that way i

0:11:14.800,0:11:18.320
mean yeah if mommy ever sees something

0:11:16.880,0:11:20.079
that i might have not turned in an

0:11:18.320,0:11:22.079
assignment right you always make sure to

0:11:20.079,0:11:24.720
let me know just making sure that you

0:11:22.079,0:11:26.800
know i’m held accountable for all my

0:11:24.720,0:11:29.040
assignments and i think that’s important

0:11:26.800,0:11:30.640
i mean being responsible for your own

0:11:29.040,0:11:33.360
work is very important when it comes

0:11:30.640,0:11:35.360
especially when it comes to school work

0:11:33.360,0:11:37.680
but outside of school work there’s other

0:11:35.360,0:11:40.160
things and i think accountability is is

0:11:37.680,0:11:41.920
all about having goals and accomplishing

0:11:40.160,0:11:43.519
those goals whether it’s a school goal

0:11:41.920,0:11:45.120
or something else

0:11:43.519,0:11:46.640
so we’re going to take a quick break and

0:11:45.120,0:11:48.880
we’re going to come back and we’ll talk

0:11:46.640,0:11:52.760
about helping our teens realize their

0:11:48.880,0:11:52.760
goals we’ll be right back

0:11:58.720,0:12:04.399
for over seven years the second sith

0:12:01.760,0:12:07.760
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0:12:04.399,0:12:09.519
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0:12:07.760,0:12:12.480
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0:12:09.519,0:12:14.240
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0:12:55.700,0:13:02.160
[Music]

0:13:00.399,0:13:04.079
welcome back today we’re talking about

0:13:02.160,0:13:05.600
teens and accountability

0:13:04.079,0:13:09.279
and now we’re going to be talking about

0:13:05.600,0:13:11.279
helping our teens realize their goals

0:13:09.279,0:13:14.720
and this research comes from a website

0:13:11.279,0:13:17.760
called ihomeschoolnetwork.com

0:13:14.720,0:13:19.360
so accountability is all about goals

0:13:17.760,0:13:21.839
they should be personal they could be

0:13:19.360,0:13:24.000
personal goals academic goals athletic

0:13:21.839,0:13:27.360
goals professional goals or parental

0:13:24.000,0:13:29.440
goals such as choice

0:13:27.360,0:13:32.560
once a goal is established we are held

0:13:29.440,0:13:34.160
accountable for to achieve the goal

0:13:32.560,0:13:35.360
many of the goals teens are held

0:13:34.160,0:13:38.240
accountable

0:13:35.360,0:13:39.760
for are academic in nature

0:13:38.240,0:13:41.920
whether or not you’ve taught your kids

0:13:39.760,0:13:43.920
about goal setting in the past the teen

0:13:41.920,0:13:45.600
years are an excellent time for a

0:13:43.920,0:13:47.920
refresher course

0:13:45.600,0:13:51.839
here are five important steps to help

0:13:47.920,0:13:53.760
our kids sit and reach their goals

0:13:51.839,0:13:55.120
and the first step we have here is make

0:13:53.760,0:13:56.399
it compelling

0:13:55.120,0:13:59.040
set goals

0:13:56.399,0:14:01.440
that get us excited then we’re much more

0:13:59.040,0:14:04.000
likely to do the work that it takes to

0:14:01.440,0:14:06.240
get us to where we want to go

0:14:04.000,0:14:08.959
we should encourage teens to come up

0:14:06.240,0:14:11.440
with with things that will make them

0:14:08.959,0:14:14.000
want to get out of bed in the morning

0:14:11.440,0:14:16.480
help them dream big

0:14:14.000,0:14:18.240
you want to also make it specific and

0:14:16.480,0:14:21.040
measurable

0:14:18.240,0:14:22.880
teach kids to set goals in such a way

0:14:21.040,0:14:25.279
that they’ll know once they’ve achieved

0:14:22.880,0:14:27.680
it it’s impossible to reach a goal which

0:14:25.279,0:14:29.279
is vague such as get into the college of

0:14:27.680,0:14:31.920
my dream someday

0:14:29.279,0:14:35.120
a much better goal would be get accepted

0:14:31.920,0:14:37.680
to the university of michigan by may 1st

0:14:35.120,0:14:40.240
including a deadline is an important way

0:14:37.680,0:14:41.440
to make a goal measurable

0:14:40.240,0:14:43.519
you could also come up with a

0:14:41.440,0:14:46.639
step-by-step plan

0:14:43.519,0:14:49.040
if they have large goals such as getting

0:14:46.639,0:14:50.720
accepted to a specific college

0:14:49.040,0:14:53.279
we should teach them how to break those

0:14:50.720,0:14:54.399
goals down into smaller steps for

0:14:53.279,0:14:56.320
instance

0:14:54.399,0:14:58.639
if your child wants to get accepted to

0:14:56.320,0:15:01.120
the university of michigan they should

0:14:58.639,0:15:03.680
come up with daily weekly and monthly

0:15:01.120,0:15:05.360
plans which help them achieve this

0:15:03.680,0:15:07.680
larger goal

0:15:05.360,0:15:09.680
these steps could include such things as

0:15:07.680,0:15:11.199
research researching the acceptance

0:15:09.680,0:15:13.519
criteria

0:15:11.199,0:15:15.519
taking academically appropriate course

0:15:13.519,0:15:18.959
tracks in high school

0:15:15.519,0:15:21.760
taking practice s.a.t or act tests

0:15:18.959,0:15:23.839
taking advanced placement tests

0:15:21.760,0:15:26.480
developing college essays or developing

0:15:23.839,0:15:29.519
your community service record or

0:15:26.480,0:15:31.839
prepping for on-campus interviews

0:15:29.519,0:15:32.800
we also have fun ways to remember their

0:15:31.839,0:15:34.880
goals

0:15:32.800,0:15:36.959
it doesn’t do any good to come up with

0:15:34.880,0:15:39.519
goals and detailed plans for reaching

0:15:36.959,0:15:41.440
their goals if they are soon forgotten

0:15:39.519,0:15:44.320
we need to teach ways to help their

0:15:41.440,0:15:46.880
goals stay fresh in their mind

0:15:44.320,0:15:48.800
show them how to make vision boards have

0:15:46.880,0:15:50.399
them post goal lists somewhere they will

0:15:48.800,0:15:52.800
see often

0:15:50.399,0:15:54.639
we should also make a point of talking

0:15:52.800,0:15:55.759
to them often about their goals and

0:15:54.639,0:15:57.839
dreams

0:15:55.759,0:15:59.519
ask them what they’re doing to achieve

0:15:57.839,0:16:01.600
their goals

0:15:59.519,0:16:04.240
be sure they aren’t stuck

0:16:01.600,0:16:06.079
and the final step we have is to take

0:16:04.240,0:16:08.079
action every day

0:16:06.079,0:16:10.240
our kids will be much more likely to

0:16:08.079,0:16:12.399
achieve their goals if they work on them

0:16:10.240,0:16:14.240
regularly we should encourage them to

0:16:12.399,0:16:15.600
work on their goals every day or at

0:16:14.240,0:16:17.519
least weekly

0:16:15.600,0:16:19.440
teach them to create to-do lists and to

0:16:17.519,0:16:22.320
ask themselves what they can do right

0:16:19.440,0:16:23.360
now which will move them closer to their

0:16:22.320,0:16:26.480
goal

0:16:23.360,0:16:28.560
so let me ask you how are you with

0:16:26.480,0:16:31.199
setting your goals and achieving your

0:16:28.560,0:16:33.519
goals are you goal oriented

0:16:31.199,0:16:33.519
um

0:16:35.360,0:16:40.480
ah i mean i try sitting goals for the

0:16:38.720,0:16:42.560
most part um

0:16:40.480,0:16:45.360
i probably don’t set as many goals as i

0:16:42.560,0:16:47.920
probably should and most of my goals are

0:16:45.360,0:16:49.920
kind of vague for the most part so

0:16:47.920,0:16:52.320
i think i might need a little more help

0:16:49.920,0:16:54.000
with goal setting for the most part

0:16:52.320,0:16:55.920
see and and

0:16:54.000,0:16:59.759
because of what i do professionally

0:16:55.920,0:17:02.480
almost everything that i do every day

0:16:59.759,0:17:03.920
has some type of goal or some type of

0:17:02.480,0:17:06.400
plan

0:17:03.920,0:17:08.079
for instance we just hired a new person

0:17:06.400,0:17:09.760
in my department

0:17:08.079,0:17:11.760
and the goal is i need to get this

0:17:09.760,0:17:15.760
person up to speed so that they can do

0:17:11.760,0:17:17.600
their job effectively without having

0:17:15.760,0:17:19.199
too much hand holding you know they need

0:17:17.600,0:17:21.199
to be independent

0:17:19.199,0:17:22.079
within the first six weeks

0:17:21.199,0:17:24.480
and

0:17:22.079,0:17:26.720
part of that is having a list of things

0:17:24.480,0:17:28.000
they need to be trained on

0:17:26.720,0:17:29.520
measuring the rate at which they’re

0:17:28.000,0:17:31.679
being trained

0:17:29.520,0:17:34.240
and making sure they’re getting enough

0:17:31.679,0:17:36.080
information and feedback getting

0:17:34.240,0:17:38.320
feedback from them getting the feedback

0:17:36.080,0:17:39.600
from the people that are training them

0:17:38.320,0:17:41.360
so

0:17:39.600,0:17:42.720
you know my big thing is i do a lot of

0:17:41.360,0:17:44.480
outlines

0:17:42.720,0:17:46.559
if anyone’s ever looked at the show

0:17:44.480,0:17:48.160
notes it’s the same type of thing

0:17:46.559,0:17:51.280
i outline everything so there’s a

0:17:48.160,0:17:53.280
hierarchy hierarchical order to what has

0:17:51.280,0:17:55.520
to be done

0:17:53.280,0:17:58.400
i have a very what’s called a

0:17:55.520,0:18:00.559
a waterfall approach to planning things

0:17:58.400,0:18:02.400
out a lot of times so you get all your

0:18:00.559,0:18:04.080
prerequisites taken care of you get all

0:18:02.400,0:18:05.760
your steps that you need

0:18:04.080,0:18:07.840
you assemble all the pieces that you

0:18:05.760,0:18:11.120
need and then later on in the playing

0:18:07.840,0:18:12.559
you start putting everything together

0:18:11.120,0:18:15.120
and i just

0:18:12.559,0:18:17.600
i guess because that’s how

0:18:15.120,0:18:18.720
my job requires me to work most of the

0:18:17.600,0:18:20.480
time

0:18:18.720,0:18:21.440
it’s just the way that i do everything

0:18:20.480,0:18:23.840
in life

0:18:21.440,0:18:26.080
you know we have to do podcast notes we

0:18:23.840,0:18:27.840
have to come up with notes

0:18:26.080,0:18:29.120
so before we can just sit down and write

0:18:27.840,0:18:30.480
up notes on a show what’s the first

0:18:29.120,0:18:32.559
thing we do

0:18:30.480,0:18:34.640
uh we have to come up with topics right

0:18:32.559,0:18:36.240
so we sit down we brainstorm topics and

0:18:34.640,0:18:37.200
we have a list of topics that we work

0:18:36.240,0:18:38.880
from

0:18:37.200,0:18:41.360
once we have that list of topics what’s

0:18:38.880,0:18:43.360
the next step we have to pick selective

0:18:41.360,0:18:45.360
topics and then do research on them

0:18:43.360,0:18:47.280
right so we do a lot of our research we

0:18:45.360,0:18:49.360
put it into the show notes

0:18:47.280,0:18:52.400
then we determine if does this show

0:18:49.360,0:18:54.080
require a special guest if it is

0:18:52.400,0:18:55.440
we kind of put it into a holding pattern

0:18:54.080,0:18:57.600
we try to line up a guest and we

0:18:55.440,0:18:59.120
schedule things around that

0:18:57.600,0:19:01.280
but if we have trouble scheduling a

0:18:59.120,0:19:02.559
guest we have to have other shows ready

0:19:01.280,0:19:04.240
to go because we have a regular

0:19:02.559,0:19:06.080
recording schedule

0:19:04.240,0:19:08.640
so these are all things that we have

0:19:06.080,0:19:11.679
that waterfall method approach for

0:19:08.640,0:19:14.160
and you know i do things the same things

0:19:11.679,0:19:15.840
at home we we’re doing um

0:19:14.160,0:19:18.640
dungeons and dragons we’re role playing

0:19:15.840,0:19:20.559
we’re doing a star wars role playing

0:19:18.640,0:19:22.880
in order to do the star wars role

0:19:20.559,0:19:24.640
playing there’s a lot of components

0:19:22.880,0:19:26.640
you have to make sure you have your

0:19:24.640,0:19:29.039
overall story you have to make sure you

0:19:26.640,0:19:30.400
have your npc characters

0:19:29.039,0:19:31.840
you have to make sure that your players

0:19:30.400,0:19:33.760
know how to build their characters you

0:19:31.840,0:19:36.320
have to select your

0:19:33.760,0:19:37.760
miniatures you have to do your backstory

0:19:36.320,0:19:39.520
you have to do all these things before

0:19:37.760,0:19:40.400
you even sit down at the table so it’s

0:19:39.520,0:19:42.960
like

0:19:40.400,0:19:44.559
six weeks worth of prep work

0:19:42.960,0:19:46.240
before you can even sit down and start

0:19:44.559,0:19:48.480
playing yeah

0:19:46.240,0:19:49.440
um what’s something like that that you

0:19:48.480,0:19:51.600
handle

0:19:49.440,0:19:53.600
in your day-to-day life where you

0:19:51.600,0:19:55.679
just sort of fall into that okay here’s

0:19:53.600,0:19:56.799
the plan type mode

0:19:55.679,0:19:59.280
um

0:19:56.799,0:20:00.880
i guess sometimes when i guess uh

0:19:59.280,0:20:02.559
homework would probably be one of the

0:20:00.880,0:20:04.480
things that i have to do

0:20:02.559,0:20:07.200
like now that i have

0:20:04.480,0:20:10.159
i’m gonna be having a lot of homework in

0:20:07.200,0:20:12.880
multiple classes i kind of have to plan

0:20:10.159,0:20:14.880
out how i want to do my homework like

0:20:12.880,0:20:16.480
what can i do during lunch what can i do

0:20:14.880,0:20:17.280
when i get home

0:20:16.480,0:20:19.679
like

0:20:17.280,0:20:20.640
what do i not need to finish right now

0:20:19.679,0:20:22.480
but

0:20:20.640,0:20:24.960
need to keep in the back of my mind for

0:20:22.480,0:20:27.520
later right and what you need to do is

0:20:24.960,0:20:30.480
what what i do at work with with tickets

0:20:27.520,0:20:33.360
that come into the help desk is triage

0:20:30.480,0:20:35.520
think of a hospital in an emergency room

0:20:33.360,0:20:37.039
you have 10 people walk in and there’s

0:20:35.520,0:20:39.200
an attending physician and that

0:20:37.039,0:20:41.200
attending physician’s job

0:20:39.200,0:20:42.640
is to figure out who needs attention

0:20:41.200,0:20:45.200
first who’s in the most serious

0:20:42.640,0:20:46.080
condition you’re going to triage your

0:20:45.200,0:20:47.200
your

0:20:46.080,0:20:49.600
patients

0:20:47.200,0:20:52.000
you’re triaging your homework

0:20:49.600,0:20:54.559
what homework do i have

0:20:52.000,0:20:56.400
what can i get done in the time periods

0:20:54.559,0:20:59.120
that i have i have a lunch period that i

0:20:56.400,0:21:01.039
can work on and i have a before band i

0:20:59.120,0:21:03.520
can work on and i have a you know

0:21:01.039,0:21:05.760
afterband i can work on it to reach

0:21:03.520,0:21:08.159
shorter and longer times

0:21:05.760,0:21:09.919
what can i work on in those times

0:21:08.159,0:21:11.919
and then you put a plan together and and

0:21:09.919,0:21:13.600
you make it work so you you do do this

0:21:11.919,0:21:14.480
every day

0:21:13.600,0:21:16.400
um

0:21:14.480,0:21:18.559
and not everything in life needs to be

0:21:16.400,0:21:20.159
planned out you know if

0:21:18.559,0:21:20.960
you need to get a shower it’s not i’m

0:21:20.159,0:21:22.080
not

0:21:20.960,0:21:24.159
putting a

0:21:22.080,0:21:26.799
powerpoint presentation together about

0:21:24.159,0:21:29.039
you know getting my towel and getting my

0:21:26.799,0:21:31.039
you know shampoo and all that so some

0:21:29.039,0:21:32.400
stuff you just sort of do

0:21:31.039,0:21:34.000
but some of the things like your

0:21:32.400,0:21:35.440
homework it helps to have an organized

0:21:34.000,0:21:36.799
plan of attack

0:21:35.440,0:21:38.960
so

0:21:36.799,0:21:41.280
now that our teens have a set of goals

0:21:38.960,0:21:43.280
in place and a plan to achieve them how

0:21:41.280,0:21:44.960
do we hold them accountable

0:21:43.280,0:21:46.320
we’ll talk about that in more detail

0:21:44.960,0:21:47.380
when we come back we’re going to take a

0:21:46.320,0:21:55.520
quick break

0:21:47.380,0:21:58.000
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0:22:15.039,0:22:19.360
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0:22:24.799,0:22:29.840
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0:22:27.520,0:22:31.650
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0:22:45.679,0:22:51.720
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0:22:52.310,0:23:00.720
[Music]

0:22:57.360,0:23:02.000
welcome back to insights in the teens we

0:23:00.720,0:23:04.080
are talking about teens and

0:23:02.000,0:23:05.679
accountability today you sounded kind of

0:23:04.080,0:23:06.559
unsure of which show you’re doing right

0:23:05.679,0:23:08.240
now

0:23:06.559,0:23:09.039
for some reason i forgot the line all

0:23:08.240,0:23:10.799
right

0:23:09.039,0:23:13.120
i’m the one that does all the shows you

0:23:10.799,0:23:14.480
only have one to worry about okay i get

0:23:13.120,0:23:16.080
it

0:23:14.480,0:23:18.080
anyway now we’re going to be talking

0:23:16.080,0:23:20.400
about how to install accountability in

0:23:18.080,0:23:23.919
your teens not install they’re not

0:23:20.400,0:23:26.559
computers we’re not installing it still

0:23:23.919,0:23:26.559
still

0:23:29.760,0:23:34.240
it’s been a day i understand

0:23:32.400,0:23:35.120
so the first uh

0:23:34.240,0:23:38.000
step

0:23:35.120,0:23:39.520
tip we have um is demonstrate personal

0:23:38.000,0:23:41.840
responsibility

0:23:39.520,0:23:44.159
role modeling is the most effective tool

0:23:41.840,0:23:45.520
parents have for teaching their teens

0:23:44.159,0:23:47.840
anything

0:23:45.520,0:23:49.679
any value you want your teen to have

0:23:47.840,0:23:50.880
simply demonstrate it in your everyday

0:23:49.679,0:23:52.080
life

0:23:50.880,0:23:54.240
so if you want your teen to take

0:23:52.080,0:23:57.279
responsibility for their actions you

0:23:54.240,0:23:58.960
should do the same avoid blaming others

0:23:57.279,0:24:01.120
follow rules and don’t avoid the

0:23:58.960,0:24:03.440
consequences if you break them if you

0:24:01.120,0:24:05.679
make a mistake admit it apologize and

0:24:03.440,0:24:07.840
make amends if possible

0:24:05.679,0:24:10.240
you also want to create a culture of

0:24:07.840,0:24:12.080
accountability in your family

0:24:10.240,0:24:14.720
your family has its own culture that

0:24:12.080,0:24:16.000
reflects your values expectations rules

0:24:14.720,0:24:18.159
and hopes

0:24:16.000,0:24:20.559
if you want an accountable teen then

0:24:18.159,0:24:22.480
each member of your family must be

0:24:20.559,0:24:23.760
responsible for their own actions and

0:24:22.480,0:24:26.240
behaviors

0:24:23.760,0:24:29.120
each family member must be responsible

0:24:26.240,0:24:30.960
for following rules and expectations

0:24:29.120,0:24:33.120
and each family member must be

0:24:30.960,0:24:36.320
responsible for how they respond to

0:24:33.120,0:24:37.919
stressful or frustrating situations

0:24:36.320,0:24:39.919
no one in the family should be allowed

0:24:37.919,0:24:42.159
to change the rules to fit their own

0:24:39.919,0:24:44.799
needs or feelings

0:24:42.159,0:24:46.880
we also have established boundaries you

0:24:44.799,0:24:49.600
must provide your children clear and

0:24:46.880,0:24:51.600
firm rules and expectations so that they

0:24:49.600,0:24:53.520
are aware of the consequences of their

0:24:51.600,0:24:55.679
actions

0:24:53.520,0:24:57.600
your teen must also know that if they

0:24:55.679,0:25:00.320
choose to break the rules there will be

0:24:57.600,0:25:02.559
consequences for that choice of course

0:25:00.320,0:25:05.200
this only works if you don’t give in or

0:25:02.559,0:25:07.200
just give up just because your teen

0:25:05.200,0:25:09.120
whines and promises to be hate or

0:25:07.200,0:25:11.360
promises to behave

0:25:09.120,0:25:14.480
you must see the consequences through in

0:25:11.360,0:25:17.200
order to see the behavior change

0:25:14.480,0:25:19.679
be involved in their life

0:25:17.200,0:25:21.360
research consistently shows that teens

0:25:19.679,0:25:24.159
with involved parents

0:25:21.360,0:25:26.880
are more likely to be responsible and do

0:25:24.159,0:25:30.320
better in school and less likely to

0:25:26.880,0:25:32.240
engage in risky behaviors such as drugs

0:25:30.320,0:25:33.360
crime and sex

0:25:32.240,0:25:36.000
establish

0:25:33.360,0:25:38.880
open friendly and honest communication

0:25:36.000,0:25:40.960
with your children from a young age

0:25:38.880,0:25:42.799
learn about their interest and attend

0:25:40.960,0:25:44.960
their activities

0:25:42.799,0:25:47.440
showing that you care about and support

0:25:44.960,0:25:50.080
your teen helps them feel valued

0:25:47.440,0:25:52.320
and this in turn makes them more eager

0:25:50.080,0:25:53.360
to engage with you and want to please

0:25:52.320,0:25:55.120
you

0:25:53.360,0:25:57.600
but on top of that you probably

0:25:55.120,0:25:59.600
shouldn’t be over involved there’s a

0:25:57.600,0:26:02.400
fine line between showing your teen that

0:25:59.600,0:26:05.279
you support them and right micromanaging

0:26:02.400,0:26:08.080
their lives as parents many of us do

0:26:05.279,0:26:10.640
things for our kids today today that we

0:26:08.080,0:26:12.720
were able and expected to do for

0:26:10.640,0:26:14.480
ourselves when we were children

0:26:12.720,0:26:16.880
our parents didn’t often feel the need

0:26:14.480,0:26:19.520
to negotiate with our sports coach solve

0:26:16.880,0:26:21.919
our every problem or entertain us in our

0:26:19.520,0:26:24.080
free time we should let our teens manage

0:26:21.919,0:26:26.720
their own lives

0:26:24.080,0:26:28.960
we should refrain from rescuing our

0:26:26.720,0:26:31.039
teens

0:26:28.960,0:26:34.720
not our teachers right that was how i

0:26:31.039,0:26:37.039
read it in the in pre-production

0:26:34.720,0:26:38.880
it’s painful for us as parents to watch

0:26:37.039,0:26:41.120
our children go through difficult

0:26:38.880,0:26:43.520
circumstances and we typically want to

0:26:41.120,0:26:44.960
jump in and fix things which is what i

0:26:43.520,0:26:46.799
do because

0:26:44.960,0:26:48.640
that’s what i do for a living i fix

0:26:46.799,0:26:50.480
things so

0:26:48.640,0:26:52.320
when somebody has a problem regardless

0:26:50.480,0:26:54.400
of what the problem is that’s my first

0:26:52.320,0:26:56.400
reaction yeah

0:26:54.400,0:26:58.640
well this is a natural reaction of

0:26:56.400,0:27:00.400
wanting to protect someone we love it’s

0:26:58.640,0:27:02.320
actually one of the worst things you can

0:27:00.400,0:27:04.559
do as a parent

0:27:02.320,0:27:06.880
when your child is a teenager your role

0:27:04.559,0:27:09.120
becomes more of a coach

0:27:06.880,0:27:10.799
you want to guide and support your team

0:27:09.120,0:27:13.120
through the difficulty

0:27:10.799,0:27:15.360
then still allowing them to discover

0:27:13.120,0:27:17.120
their own capabilities

0:27:15.360,0:27:19.440
if we step in

0:27:17.120,0:27:21.679
we stop the learning process and deprive

0:27:19.440,0:27:23.840
our team from developing the carriage

0:27:21.679,0:27:25.600
needed to try new things and solve

0:27:23.840,0:27:28.399
problems

0:27:25.600,0:27:30.640
your team needs to learn now before they

0:27:28.399,0:27:32.960
leave your home as a young adult

0:27:30.640,0:27:34.399
how to manage obstacles in life

0:27:32.960,0:27:37.200
and they need to have experience

0:27:34.399,0:27:38.880
overcoming a difficulty on their own

0:27:37.200,0:27:42.720
so that they gain confidence in

0:27:38.880,0:27:44.799
themselves and realize they’re capable

0:27:42.720,0:27:47.840
when you rescue your teen you are

0:27:44.799,0:27:49.520
inadvertently communicating to them that

0:27:47.840,0:27:51.760
you don’t think they can handle

0:27:49.520,0:27:53.760
challenges and your team will begin to

0:27:51.760,0:27:56.480
doubt their own abilities

0:27:53.760,0:27:59.039
your team will learn to expect

0:27:56.480,0:28:00.159
that others will take care of things for

0:27:59.039,0:28:01.760
them

0:28:00.159,0:28:04.159
and they will become a master of

0:28:01.760,0:28:05.279
avoiding challenges instead of facing

0:28:04.159,0:28:08.320
them

0:28:05.279,0:28:10.240
we also have allow natural consequences

0:28:08.320,0:28:12.399
no matter how painful you must let your

0:28:10.240,0:28:14.559
teen be responsible for the good and bad

0:28:12.399,0:28:16.799
decisions they have made

0:28:14.559,0:28:19.279
it might feel cruel but is actually the

0:28:16.799,0:28:22.159
very best parenting you can offer

0:28:19.279,0:28:24.799
if a teen gets a ticket for speeding he

0:28:22.159,0:28:26.640
should they should pay the fine not you

0:28:24.799,0:28:28.840
if they don’t have the money they need

0:28:26.640,0:28:31.279
to find a way to earn it or lose their

0:28:28.840,0:28:33.520
license if your team procrastinates on a

0:28:31.279,0:28:35.760
big project do not do the project for

0:28:33.520,0:28:38.559
them if your teen didn’t prepare for an

0:28:35.760,0:28:41.200
exam don’t make the excuse to don’t make

0:28:38.559,0:28:42.640
excuses to the teachers and beg for a

0:28:41.200,0:28:44.480
second chance

0:28:42.640,0:28:47.200
let them receive a bad grade and handle

0:28:44.480,0:28:49.200
the results this way kids will learn how

0:28:47.200,0:28:51.120
to take responsibility for their actions

0:28:49.200,0:28:53.760
and deal with the consequences

0:28:51.120,0:28:56.240
and finally praise them when they

0:28:53.760,0:28:58.559
demonstrate responsibility

0:28:56.240,0:29:00.960
positive reinforcement of any actions

0:28:58.559,0:29:03.120
your teen takes to show responsibility

0:29:00.960,0:29:04.480
will encourage them to continue the

0:29:03.120,0:29:07.440
behavior

0:29:04.480,0:29:08.960
never underestimate the power of a

0:29:07.440,0:29:11.120
compliment

0:29:08.960,0:29:13.039
so on that note

0:29:11.120,0:29:15.520
how do you think

0:29:13.039,0:29:16.640
do any of these hints actually play a

0:29:15.520,0:29:18.080
part

0:29:16.640,0:29:20.320
in

0:29:18.080,0:29:22.399
us instilling accountability in you do

0:29:20.320,0:29:25.200
we demonstrate personal responsibility

0:29:22.399,0:29:27.200
mommy and i i feel so because you both

0:29:25.200,0:29:28.960
definitely try um

0:29:27.200,0:29:31.039
you both definitely take

0:29:28.960,0:29:33.200
your own responsibility when it comes to

0:29:31.039,0:29:34.960
your work so i would probably say you

0:29:33.200,0:29:37.520
have that one down

0:29:34.960,0:29:39.440
and that would lead into a culture of

0:29:37.520,0:29:41.600
accountability for the family are we

0:29:39.440,0:29:44.080
successful when it comes to that

0:29:41.600,0:29:46.080
i mean yeah um

0:29:44.080,0:29:47.360
you guys definitely

0:29:46.080,0:29:50.080
ha

0:29:47.360,0:29:51.679
the family i have definitely takes

0:29:50.080,0:29:54.320
accountability

0:29:51.679,0:29:57.279
um for their selves themselves so you

0:29:54.320,0:29:58.960
say that as if there’s another family

0:29:57.279,0:30:01.840
are you shopping around for another

0:29:58.960,0:30:04.640
family and didn’t tell us no no no no

0:30:01.840,0:30:06.880
polish up the resume there no

0:30:04.640,0:30:09.840
no

0:30:06.880,0:30:12.720
no how about boundaries do we establish

0:30:09.840,0:30:15.039
clear boundaries for you and and

0:30:12.720,0:30:17.600
associate consequences or do we let you

0:30:15.039,0:30:19.919
off the hook a lot if something happens

0:30:17.600,0:30:22.000
you don’t really let me off the hook

0:30:19.919,0:30:24.080
mainly because i’m not really one to be

0:30:22.000,0:30:26.399
let off the hook or be on the hook

0:30:24.080,0:30:27.760
anyway yeah you tend to put yourself on

0:30:26.399,0:30:29.520
the hook yourself

0:30:27.760,0:30:32.240
yeah

0:30:29.520,0:30:33.520
uh how about being involved in your life

0:30:32.240,0:30:36.320
are we

0:30:33.520,0:30:37.520
involved do we demonstrate that we’re

0:30:36.320,0:30:38.399
interested

0:30:37.520,0:30:42.720
that

0:30:38.399,0:30:42.720
we’re invested in in your success

0:30:43.120,0:30:48.320
look at what we’re doing now

0:30:46.159,0:30:51.360
i’m pretty sure we kind of established

0:30:48.320,0:30:54.000
that one okay so the big question is are

0:30:51.360,0:30:55.760
we over involved in your life

0:30:54.000,0:30:59.120
i mean i don’t think so you guys still

0:30:55.760,0:31:01.360
give me privacy and i don’t think you’re

0:30:59.120,0:31:03.120
micromanaging my life i don’t think we

0:31:01.360,0:31:04.480
are either we keep kind of you know we

0:31:03.120,0:31:05.440
give you as

0:31:04.480,0:31:07.679
the

0:31:05.440,0:31:09.600
the rope on the leash that you need and

0:31:07.679,0:31:11.200
and you never really tug too hard on it

0:31:09.600,0:31:13.840
so yeah

0:31:11.200,0:31:14.960
how about rescuing you and do we swoop

0:31:13.840,0:31:18.080
in

0:31:14.960,0:31:19.919
i know i do so you can feel free to go

0:31:18.080,0:31:22.720
into detail if you want

0:31:19.919,0:31:24.320
no it’s

0:31:22.720,0:31:27.519
it’s fine

0:31:24.320,0:31:29.279
honestly i’ve already sent you know two

0:31:27.519,0:31:31.039
or three nasty grams into your school

0:31:29.279,0:31:32.320
already this week and you know we’re not

0:31:31.039,0:31:34.880
even through the first full month of

0:31:32.320,0:31:34.880
school so

0:31:35.440,0:31:38.880
i mean

0:31:36.399,0:31:41.600
for the most part i do kind of agree

0:31:38.880,0:31:43.440
with you so

0:31:41.600,0:31:45.120
and you know it’s not a reflection on

0:31:43.440,0:31:46.399
you that you can’t handle things it’s

0:31:45.120,0:31:50.000
just that

0:31:46.399,0:31:52.000
i have certain expectations from

0:31:50.000,0:31:54.559
the school administration and the

0:31:52.000,0:31:56.880
guidance counselors and the teachers

0:31:54.559,0:31:59.279
and when they fail those

0:31:56.880,0:32:02.240
uh expectations

0:31:59.279,0:32:03.440
i tend to get

0:32:02.240,0:32:06.399
vocal

0:32:03.440,0:32:08.720
it’s not it’s not it’s not

0:32:06.399,0:32:10.640
how can i say this it’s not that i don’t

0:32:08.720,0:32:12.960
think you can solve the problem i don’t

0:32:10.640,0:32:15.200
think it’s a problem you should solve

0:32:12.960,0:32:17.600
yeah you know the there were two

0:32:15.200,0:32:19.360
specific incidents that we’ve had so far

0:32:17.600,0:32:21.039
that

0:32:19.360,0:32:23.039
there were things that you shouldn’t

0:32:21.039,0:32:24.559
have been involved with because you had

0:32:23.039,0:32:26.159
already done your part made your

0:32:24.559,0:32:27.600
commitment and

0:32:26.159,0:32:28.960
you know followed through with what you

0:32:27.600,0:32:32.240
had to do

0:32:28.960,0:32:33.840
and basically we had

0:32:32.240,0:32:35.200
dishonesty from on the part of the

0:32:33.840,0:32:36.399
school

0:32:35.200,0:32:38.640
and

0:32:36.399,0:32:41.039
my complaint to the school was who’s

0:32:38.640,0:32:42.960
going to be held accountable and

0:32:41.039,0:32:45.279
how is this setting a good example for

0:32:42.960,0:32:47.679
the students that you’re teaching

0:32:45.279,0:32:49.519
so that was about them it wasn’t about

0:32:47.679,0:32:51.760
you so i think that’s kind of a

0:32:49.519,0:32:53.360
important distinction yeah

0:32:51.760,0:32:54.880
how about consequences are there

0:32:53.360,0:32:56.799
consequences when you don’t do your

0:32:54.880,0:32:58.720
homework you don’t do your chores or you

0:32:56.799,0:33:00.000
don’t do something that you’re supposed

0:32:58.720,0:33:01.039
to do

0:33:00.000,0:33:03.360
yeah

0:33:01.039,0:33:07.760
okay good that’s straight into the point

0:33:03.360,0:33:11.279
i like that i mean yeah do we praise you

0:33:07.760,0:33:14.000
do we give you pants on the back uh yeah

0:33:11.279,0:33:15.519
do we lift you up when you’re down

0:33:14.000,0:33:16.960
there’s a song in here somewhere i’m

0:33:15.519,0:33:18.240
trying to get to i just can’t get the

0:33:16.960,0:33:21.039
words

0:33:18.240,0:33:22.640
but yeah i try to you know i think it’s

0:33:21.039,0:33:25.039
important i think

0:33:22.640,0:33:26.480
i think it’s important to not be false

0:33:25.039,0:33:28.880
praise

0:33:26.480,0:33:30.799
you know if if you’ve genuinely done

0:33:28.880,0:33:33.679
something that’s that’s worthy of praise

0:33:30.799,0:33:35.600
you deserve it and you should be praised

0:33:33.679,0:33:37.200
if it’s something that you’ve done a

0:33:35.600,0:33:39.039
good job but you could have done a

0:33:37.200,0:33:40.399
better job or you could have done

0:33:39.039,0:33:41.279
something differently it would have been

0:33:40.399,0:33:43.679
better

0:33:41.279,0:33:45.679
i think constructive criticism in

0:33:43.679,0:33:48.159
addition to the praise

0:33:45.679,0:33:50.960
is both uplifting but it’s also helpful

0:33:48.159,0:33:52.480
in its guidance sure so that’s where we

0:33:50.960,0:33:55.200
go from that

0:33:52.480,0:33:56.960
i think that was all we had uh we’re

0:33:55.200,0:33:58.559
going to take a very quick break we’ll

0:33:56.960,0:34:00.080
come back we’ll get your closing

0:33:58.559,0:34:01.679
thoughts and

0:34:00.080,0:34:03.039
then we’ll finish up the business of the

0:34:01.679,0:34:06.519
podcast

0:34:03.039,0:34:06.519
be right back

0:34:09.200,0:34:15.200
go with your closing remarks

0:34:11.280,0:34:17.679
alrighty so too everyone out there um i

0:34:15.200,0:34:20.079
just wanted to mention that holding your

0:34:17.679,0:34:22.159
teams accountable is going to help them

0:34:20.079,0:34:25.280
a lot when they

0:34:22.159,0:34:27.119
become full-on adults being accountable

0:34:25.280,0:34:29.679
for your actions is something that

0:34:27.119,0:34:32.000
everyone no matter how old you are is

0:34:29.679,0:34:33.440
going to have to use and

0:34:32.000,0:34:35.520
we hope that

0:34:33.440,0:34:38.639
giving you these steps and these tips

0:34:35.520,0:34:41.119
will help you help your teens hold hold

0:34:38.639,0:34:43.520
account hold themselves accountable and

0:34:41.119,0:34:45.520
if not at least opened your eyes to how

0:34:43.520,0:34:46.800
you can try holding your teams

0:34:45.520,0:34:50.879
accountable

0:34:46.800,0:34:52.879
very good sage advice as always

0:34:50.879,0:34:56.159
so that is all we had today but before

0:34:52.879,0:34:58.720
we do go i do want to once again invite

0:34:56.159,0:35:00.800
our listening and viewing audience to

0:34:58.720,0:35:03.520
subscribe to the podcast you can get

0:35:00.800,0:35:05.680
audio versions of this podcast listed as

0:35:03.520,0:35:07.440
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0:35:05.680,0:35:09.680
you can get video versions of all the

0:35:07.440,0:35:10.800
networks podcast listed as insights into

0:35:09.680,0:35:13.920
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0:35:10.800,0:35:15.040
we’re available on apple podcast podbean

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0:35:15.040,0:35:19.680
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0:35:17.200,0:35:21.680
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you can get video versions of this

0:35:44.960,0:35:48.960
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[Music]

0:35:50.079,0:35:55.119
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0:36:05.200,0:36:09.760
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0:36:08.160,0:36:11.920
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hosted by you and mommy and insent in

0:36:32.640,0:36:36.880
the tomorrow our monthly podcast hosted

0:36:34.720,0:36:39.890
by you and my brother sam and that’s it

0:36:36.880,0:37:02.769
another one in the books bye everyone

0:36:39.890,0:37:02.769
[Music]

0:37:08.960,0:37:11.040
you

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