We all want to be happy. But we sometimes think of happiness as a thing that happens to us — something we have no control over. It’s easy to link the idea of happiness with the situation we’re in. We might tell ourselves, “If only things were different, then I’d be happy.”
But that’s not really how happiness works. Research shows that just a small portion of happiness (only about 10%) depends on a person’s situation. So where does most of our happiness come from? That’s what we’re talking about on today’s episode of Insights Into Teens
Show Notes
INTRO THEME]
[INTRODUCTIONS]
Insights Into Teens: Episode 169 “Living a Happy Life”
My happy and healthy co-host Madison Whalen
Summary
We all want to be happy. But we sometimes think of happiness as a thing that happens to us — something we have no control over. It’s easy to link the idea of happiness with the situation we’re in. We might tell ourselves, “If only things were different, then I’d be happy.”
But that’s not really how happiness works. Research shows that just a small portion of happiness (only about 10%) depends on a person’s situation. So where does most of our happiness come from? That’s what we’re talking about on today’s episode of Insights Into Teens
But before we get to that I’d like to invite our listening and viewing audience to subscribe to the podcast.
Show Plugs
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Links to all these on the web Web:
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[TRANSITION]
[SEGMENT 1]
Part of happiness depends on personality.
Some people have a naturally happy demeanor.
We all know people who are cheerful and optimistic most of the time.
Their upbeat personalities make it easier for them to be happy.
So what does that mean for people who are born with a personality that’s on the grumpy side?
They might see the faults in people and situations instead of the good.
Their mood might be glum more often than it’s cheerful.
But if they’d like to be happier (and who wouldn’t?), it is possible to get there.
Happiness Is Up to Us
Researchers have found that more than half of happiness depends on things that are actually under our control.
That’s really good news because it means everyone can be happier.
A big part of how happy we are depends on our mindset, the habits we practice, and the way we live each day.
By learning the key ingredients of happiness, we can use them to become happier.
Why Happiness Matters
Happiness is more than a good feeling or a yellow smiley face.
It’s the feeling of truly enjoying your life, and the desire to make the very best of it.
Happiness is the “secret sauce” that can help us be and do our best.
Here’s what researchers found when they studied happy people:
Happy people are more successful.
Happy people are better at reaching goals.
Happy people are healthier.
Happy people live longer.
Happy people have better relationships.
Happy people learn better.
[AD1: SSE]
[SEGMENT 2]
Ingredients for a Happy Life
Happiness is so important in our lives that it has it’s own field of research called positive psychology.
Experts in this field have found that there are key things that make people happier:
Positive Emotions
Joy, Gratitude, and Love.
Amazement, Delight, Playfulness, and Humor.
Inspiration, Compassion, Hope, and Calm
Creativity, Excitement, and Enjoyment.
We all like to have these positive feelings.
Besides feeling good, positive emotions do good things for our brains and bodies.
They lower stress hormones, help ease anxiety and depression, and improve our immune system.
Feeling some positive emotions every day has a big effect on our happiness and well-being.
That’s why it’s so important to do things that give us positive feelings.
Even simple actions like playing with a child or a pet or going for a walk outdoors can inspire these feelings.
Knowing how to manage our negative emotions is also key to happiness.
Difficult emotions are a fact of life. But the way we handle them makes all the difference.
Strengths and Interests
The things we’re good at, and like to do, are our strengths.
We all have strengths, even if we haven’t discovered them yet.
Strengths include:
The things we’re interested in — for example, music, art, science, building things, cooking, reading
Any skills we have — like painting, playing an instrument, or playing a sport
Our good qualities — such as kindness, humor, or leadership
Happiness increases when we discover a strength and practice it.
The more we practice a strength, the better we get until we really master it.
When we get really good at doing something we enjoy, we can get lost in it.
That’s called flow.
Experiencing flow helps boost happiness.
Finding daily ways to use our strengths is a key ingredient for a happy life.
Good Relationships
The people in our lives matter.
Good relationships are one of the best ways to enjoy happiness, health, and well-being.
Developing certain emotional skills can help us form and keep good relationships.
When we are there for the people in our lives — and when they’re there for us — we are more resilient, resourceful, and successful.
Here are some of the skills that help us build good relationships:
Learning how to understand and express our emotions
Using empathy to understand how someone else feels
Using kindness
Showing gratitude
Developing assertiveness to say what we want and need
Finding Meaning and Purpose in Life
Our lives can be busy with day-to-day activities and responsibilities.
Many of us multi-task, so we might race ahead, thinking about the next place we need to be.
But slowing down to pay attention to what we’re doing and why builds happiness.
Pay attention to the effects of your actions.
Notice the ways (big or small) that you make a difference.
Live life based on the values that are important to you.
Take time to think of what really matters to you (like helping others or protecting the planet).
In what way do you want to make the world a better place?
Notice any small daily actions that point you in that direction.
They help give your life a sense of meaning and increase happiness.
Achievement
When our lives are rich with positive emotions, great relationships, strengths to practice, and a sense of purpose, we are ready to accomplish things.
Setting and achieving goals gives us something to put our energy into.
It lets us see how we make a difference.
Put effort into things that matter to you.
Do your best at whatever you try, without a need to be perfect.
If things don’t work out at first, keep an optimistic mindset and try again.
Believe in yourself and your dreams.
Set realistic goals and small action steps to turn dreams into realities.
To make a success even sweeter, celebrate it with people you care about.
[AD2: ENTERTAINMENT]
[SEGMENT 3]
Get Happier
OK, so you can learn how to be happier by managing your mindset, calming your mind, becoming more confident, using your strengths, building your self-esteem, doing things you enjoy, and creating good relationships.
That’s a lot of things to think about!
You can’t tackle them all at once.
But you can start small and pick one thing to work on.
The best way to reach any goal is to begin with small, specific actions.
After doing these for a while, they become habits — things that fit into your day without you thinking about them too much.
That’s when you move on to build a new daily habit.
Achieving small, specific goals can add up to big happiness!
[TRANSITION]
[CLOSE]
Closing thoughts shoutouts
[OUTRO AND CREDITS]
Show Plugs
Subscriptions:
Apple Podcasts
Spotify
Google Podcasts
Stitcher
iHeartRadio
Tunein
Contact Info
Email us at:
Comments@insightsintothings.com
Twitter:
@insights_things
Hi-res videos on Youtube:
http://www.youtube.com/insightsintothings
Streaming 5 days a week on Twitch:
http://www.twitch.tv/insightsintothings
Audio Versions:
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Links to all these on the web Web:
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Transcription
00:00:01:17 – 00:00:41:10
Michelle
Insightful podcasts by informative host insights into Things, a podcast network. Welcome to Insights into Teens, a podcast series exploring the issues and challenges of today’s youth. Your hosts are Joseph and Madison Whalen, a father and daughter team making their way through the challenges of.
00:00:41:10 – 00:00:51:12
Madison
The teenage years.
00:00:51:14 – 00:01:06:02
Joe
Welcome to Insights into Teens. This is Episode 169 Living a Happy Life. I’m your host, Joseph Whalen, and my happy and healthy co-host, Madison. Well.
00:01:06:08 – 00:01:07:06
Madison
Hi, everybody.
00:01:07:12 – 00:01:08:25
Joe
How are you doing, Mary?
00:01:08:28 – 00:01:10:11
Madison
Fine, I guess. How about you?
00:01:10:12 – 00:01:39:13
Joe
You guess you always get. You should know these things by now anyway. I’m doing well. We are back in the studio after several weeks of missed opportunities to podcast. We’ve been having some significant technical difficulties. Yep. We manage. The work goes out last weekend when we did the insights into Tomorrow, which will be coming out on Monday as well, this podcast.
00:01:39:16 – 00:02:12:12
Joe
And then this week actually they might not be coming on on Monday because we’re actually renovating the studio this weekend. Yep. So we’ve got some new decorations to do. We’re going to be redoing the audio tiles in here. We’ve got some new equipment to put in. We’re going to be rearranging the desks a little bit. We’re actually going to put a quiet, cool air conditioner in here so we can actually do podcasts, because I think one or two of the podcast things we missed out on was because it was just so hot in the studio.
00:02:12:12 – 00:02:38:04
Joe
I couldn’t do it. Yeah. So anyway, if we don’t get these on on Monday, I will get them out on Tuesday. But hopefully Monday we should be able to the studio by Monday and we’ll get back on that horse. And we got a whole bunch of podcast lined up and a lot of good stuff coming at you. But in the meantime, we are talking about living a happy life.
00:02:38:06 – 00:03:02:20
Joe
We all want to be happy, right? But we sometimes think happiness. Think of happiness as a thing that happens to us. Something we have no control over. It’s easy to link the idea of happiness with the situation we’re in. We might tell ourselves if only things were different, then I’d be happy. But it’s not really how happiness works.
00:03:02:22 – 00:03:24:12
Joe
Research shows that a small portion of happiness, only about 10%, depends on a person’s situation. So where does most of our happiness come from? Well, that’s what we’re going to talk about on today’s episode of Insights in the Teens. But before we do that, I’d like to take a moment to invite our listening and viewing audience to subscribe to the podcast.
00:03:24:14 – 00:03:49:22
Joe
You can find links to all of our podcasts listed as insights into things both audio and video. You can also find just audio versions of this podcast listed as insights into teens pretty much anywhere you get a podcast these days. I would ask you to give us a thumbs up, give us a vote. It was a review of your favorite podcast application of choice.
00:03:49:23 – 00:03:59:03
Joe
Let folks know where we are and that we’re doing a good job here. We say over we are. You think we’re doing a good job?
00:03:59:10 – 00:04:00:05
Madison
Maybe. Sure.
00:04:00:11 – 00:04:34:16
Joe
I hope so. We got a lot of listeners now. That’s good. We got about 3000 downloads a month. Then it looks like nine. So we’re doing pretty good. You can also contact us. You can email us at comments and insights into things dot com. You can find us on Twitter at insights underscore things. We do stream five days a week on Twitch at Twitch dot TV slash insights into things or you can go to our official website at WW W dot insights of the things dot com to get links to all of our social media.
00:04:34:18 – 00:04:35:24
Joe
Are we ready?
00:04:35:26 – 00:04:36:22
Madison
I guess so.
00:04:36:29 – 00:04:40:09
Joe
Okay. Sounds almost decisive.
00:04:40:12 – 00:04:41:04
Madison
I know, right?
00:04:41:08 – 00:04:47:13
Joe
There we go.
00:04:47:15 – 00:05:16:23
Joe
So this is the last episode we’re getting from Kids Health dot org in this series of emotional intelligence or IQ IQ. I forget what all ten episodes. Something like ten episodes of dealing with emotional well-being that we got from kids health. So we thank them once again for being such a valuable source to us. So they tell us that part of happiness depends on personality.
00:05:16:25 – 00:05:27:21
Joe
Some people who have a naturally happy demeanor. Some people have the naturally happy to mean. I guess I should read the way I wrote it probably would make a lot more sense.
00:05:27:27 – 00:05:29:26
Madison
Yeah.
00:05:29:29 – 00:05:54:15
Joe
But we all know people who are cheerful and optimist, and most of the time they’re upbeat. Personalities make it easier for them to be happy. So what does that mean for people who are born with a personality that’s on the grumpy side? They might see the faults in people and situations instead of the good. Their mood might be glum more often than it’s cheerful, but if they like to be happier.
00:05:54:16 – 00:05:58:13
Joe
And who wouldn’t? Is it possible to get there?
00:05:58:15 – 00:06:21:01
Madison
Happiness is up to us. Researchers have found that more than half of happiness depends on things that are actually under our control. That’s really good news because it means everyone can be happier. A big part of how happy we are depends on our mindset, the habits we practice and the way we live each day. By learning the key ingredients of happiness.
00:06:21:01 – 00:06:24:21
Madison
We can use them to become happier.
00:06:24:24 – 00:06:51:03
Joe
So why does happiness matter? Happiness is more than a good feeling or a yellow smiley face. It’s the feeling of truly enjoying your life and the desire to make the very best of it. Happiness is the secret sauce that can help us be and do our best. Here’s what researchers found when they studied happy people. Happy people are more successful.
00:06:51:06 – 00:07:19:26
Joe
They’re better at reaching their goals. They tend to be healthier and live longer. As a result, they have better relationships and they learn better. So let me ask you a very basic question. You know, we joked around with before the show how accurate my description of happy and healthy being attributed to you. Would you consider yourself happy?
00:07:19:28 – 00:07:41:17
Madison
For the most part? Yeah, I live a pretty good life. I’d say I appreciate it for the most part. While it’s definitely not perfect, nothing really is. So I’d say that. Well, I guess based on my way of life, I should probably be happy.
00:07:41:20 – 00:07:55:02
Joe
You phrased that in a very interesting way. You say you should be happy. What makes you think you should be happy is that expectations that that Mommy and I put on you that make you think you should be happy?
00:07:55:05 – 00:08:19:26
Madison
No. I guess it’s really just the position I am in my life because a lot of people would really want to be in my shoes because it’s like, you know, I have a good home. I don’t have to worry about food. I have good grades. I’m in, you know, good classes. I have a promising future. You know, I’m I have a lot of good things and I feel like I should be happy for them because of them.
00:08:19:28 – 00:08:37:12
Joe
But I sense that you’re not happy. Is that is that what you’re alluding to? That you should be happy. You you acknowledge where you are, that you should be happy for the things that you have, but you’re not. Is that true?
00:08:37:15 – 00:08:58:18
Madison
I mean, not to the point where I think I should be. I guess I’m not like I mean, there’s still like points where I don’t really feel great and, you know, I feel like I should be feeling great because it’s like, hey, you’re even if you have problems now, you’re still way better off than other people.
00:08:58:20 – 00:09:28:07
Joe
Well, and, you know, there’s there’s a certain amount, like they say here, only about 10% of your situation dictates happiness. So if you’re not happy, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re not happy with your situation. There’s a lot of things that affect our happiness. So it’s okay if you’re not happy, you know, if there’s a reason for you not to be happy, you don’t have to feel bad that you aren’t unhappy.
00:09:28:09 – 00:09:57:03
Joe
You know, there’s a lot of different things in my life that make me happy or make me sad. And sometimes I think I’m a good portion of of what it is that makes me happy are things that I have to find happiness. You know, after a long week at work, a frustrating week or work, maybe some setbacks, you know, maybe I had some fights, you know, a couple of weeks ago, I had the misfortune of having the layoffs.
00:09:57:05 – 00:10:23:14
Joe
One of my employees who had been with me for a long time, and you’ve been with me six years. Seven years. So he was more than just an employee. He was a friend. And that takes a lot out of you emotionally. And yes, while you career wise and family wise and house wise and everything, I should have been happy.
00:10:23:16 – 00:10:57:21
Joe
There are things that happen in our day to day lives that that rob us so that happiness. So it’s a good portion that is experienced. So it’s not unusual to go through periods of being unhappy. And a lot of times those periods of unhappy are based on experiences or they’re based on just feelings that we have of different things inadequacy, lack of confidence in social awkwardness.
00:10:57:21 – 00:11:20:24
Joe
You could be any number of things that make us unhappy, but it sounds like you have an idea of where happiness is, at least because you can recognize that you’re not there right now. Now, if you can recognize where happiness is, do you have an inkling of what it would take to be happy?
00:11:20:26 – 00:11:51:20
Madison
To some extent, yeah. Like I know what stuff makes me like, feel good and stuff that doesn’t make me feel good. Like getting a good grade. That makes me feel good. Spending time with friends, that makes me feel good watching videos, spend time with the kids, are playing games that makes me feel good. And then, you know, there’s stuff that doesn’t make me feel good and I’m able to recognize you know, why that stuff doesn’t normally make me feel good.
00:11:51:22 – 00:12:18:21
Joe
Okay, well, we’re going into a kind of a long holiday weekend right now because you’re out of school tomorrow. You’re out of school on Monday. Is the lack of because you’re a perfectionist? I think we’ve clearly established that on this show over the years is the lack of pressure of not having school that drives you something that makes you unhappy, where you don’t.
00:12:18:21 – 00:12:47:14
Joe
Have. You spoke earlier before the show about not feeling passionate, and one of the things that you feel passionate about is, is when you have that pressure of school, is the prospect of that pressure not being there for the next four days or even at the end of the school year. Is that something that maybe robbed you of some of that that pleasure that you get from overcoming some of those things and makes you happy?
00:12:47:16 – 00:13:14:24
Madison
I honestly wouldn’t really say that, being honest. I found that, like there are other things they give me a lot more gratification and than something from school, even if like I did something that I didn’t think I could do because, you know, I tend to normally do that kind of stuff, yet I still psych myself out. The fact that not having to worry about school is more something that’s going to make me happier than having real school.
00:13:14:24 – 00:13:15:12
Madison
Really?
00:13:15:14 – 00:13:37:13
Joe
Okay, well, that makes that makes sense. If you were unhappy because you didn’t ask why, I’d really be worried about. Yeah. So what do you think you need to do at this point? Do you have a vision of what you need to do to get to that happy place? Like. Like if you draw a line in the sand, say bye bye Sunday.
00:13:37:13 – 00:13:44:10
Joe
I want to be happy. What would it take to get you happy?
00:13:44:12 – 00:13:57:27
Madison
I don’t know. Spending. Spending time on stuff that I enjoy, like art or playing rock band or just doing, you know, some kind of small things that I normally get gratification for.
00:13:58:03 – 00:14:02:18
Joe
Is the fact that I’m making everybody work in a studio this weekend, making one happy.
00:14:02:21 – 00:14:21:04
Madison
Not really. I mean, I’m kind of interested in taking all the tiles down because it’s kind of one of those things where it’s like, your thing is I can find enjoyment in like cleaning in some way or another. Like I don’t like the prospect of having to do it. It takes me like a while to even get up and decide to do it.
00:14:21:04 – 00:14:36:20
Madison
But then I can finally. But then when I do it, I can get into a rhythm and like doing something, like on painting all the tiles and sounds like it’s something that when I have the energy for it and, you know, actually do it, I won’t be too bad with it.
00:14:36:22 – 00:15:22:20
Joe
Okay. Fair point. So we’re going to take our first break here. When we come back, we’re going to talk about what some of the ingredients for a happy life are. We’ll be right back. How many for over seven years. The second surf empire has been the premier community guild in the online game, Star Wars, the Old Republic with hundreds of friendly and helpful active members, a weekly schedule of nightly events, the annual guild meet and greets, and an active community, both on the Web and on discord.
00:15:22:23 – 00:15:58:12
Joe
The second Civ Empire is more than your typical gaming group. We’re family. Join us on the Star Forge server for nightly events such as Operation Flashpoints, World Boss Funds, Star Wars, Trivia Guild, Lottery and much more. Visit us on the Web today. W w w start the second civ and fire dot com.
00:15:58:15 – 00:16:33:00
Madison
Welcome back to Insights in a Teen. Today we’re talking about living a happier life. And now we’re going to discuss the ingredients for a happy life. Happiness is so important in our lives that it has its own field of research called positive psychology. Experts in this field have found that there are key things that make people happier. One of those key things is kind of obvious positive emotions such as joy, gratitude and love, amazement, delight, playfulness and humor, inspiration, compassion, hope and calm creativity, excitement and enjoyment.
00:16:33:02 – 00:16:50:25
Madison
Being a few examples, we all like to have these positive feelings besides feeling good. Positive emotions do good things for our brains and bodies. They lower stress hormones, help ease anxiety and depression and improve our immune system.
00:16:50:28 – 00:17:17:23
Joe
Feeling some positive emotions every day has a big effect on our happiness and well-being. That’s why it’s so important to do things that give us positive feelings. Even simple actions like playing with a child or a pet like you enjoy time with the cats going for a walk outdoors. Any of these things can inspire these feelings. Knowing how to manage your negative emotions is also key to happiness.
00:17:17:25 – 00:17:24:28
Joe
Difficult emotions are a fact of life, but the way we handle them makes all the difference.
00:17:25:00 – 00:17:51:11
Madison
Another key aspect are our strengths and interest. The things we’re good at and like to do are our strengths. We all have strengths, even if we haven’t discovered them yet. Some of the strengths include the things we’re interested in, like music, art, science, building things, cooking and reading. Any skills we have, like painting, playing an instrument, or playing a sport, as well as our good qualities such as kindness, humor and or leadership.
00:17:51:13 – 00:18:23:21
Joe
Happiness increases when we discover our strength and practice it. The more we practice a strength, the better we get until we really master it. When we get really good at doing something we enjoy. We can get lost in it, like cleaning or art or anything else that you’ve done that’s called flow. Experiencing flow helps boost happiness. Finding daily ways to use our strengths is a key ingredient for a happy life.
00:18:23:23 – 00:18:50:27
Madison
Another key is good relationship ups. The people in our lives matter. Good relationships are one of the best ways to enjoy happiness, health and well-being. Developing certain emotional skills can help us form and keep good relationships, which we’ve talked about in the podcast before. When we are there for the people in our lives and when they’re there for us, we feel more resilient, resourceful and successful.
00:18:51:00 – 00:19:11:10
Joe
Here are some of the skills that help us build good relationships. Learning how to understand and express our emotions. Using empathy to understand how someone else feels, using kindness, showing gratitude and developing assertiveness to say what we want and need.
00:19:11:12 – 00:19:30:07
Madison
Another key is also finding meaning and purpose in life. Our lives can be busy with day to day activities and responsibilities. Many of us multitask, so we might race ahead thinking about the next place we need to be, but slowing down to pay attention to what we’re doing and why builds happiness.
00:19:30:09 – 00:19:57:14
Joe
Pay attention to the effects of your actions. Notice the ways, big or small, that you make a difference. Live life based on the values that are important to you. Take time to think of what really matters to you, like helping others or protecting the planet. In what way do you want to make the world a better place? Notice any small daily actions that point you in that direction.
00:19:57:17 – 00:20:02:18
Joe
They help give your life a sense of meaning and increase happiness.
00:20:02:21 – 00:20:21:00
Madison
The final key point we have is achievement. When our lives are rich with positive emotions, great relationships, strength to practice, and a sense of purpose, we are ready to accomplish things. Setting achieving goals gives us something to put our energy into. It let us see how we make a difference.
00:20:21:02 – 00:20:49:04
Joe
What effort and the things that matter to you. Do your best at whatever you try. Without a need to be perfect, if things don’t work out at first, keep an optimistic mindset and try again. Believe in yourself and your dreams. Set realistic goals and some action steps. Turn dreams into realities. To make a success even sweeter. Celebrated with people you care about.
00:20:49:06 – 00:21:13:18
Joe
So a lot of these things that we talk about here are things that we’ve really addressed numerous times from different angles on the podcast. What do you do if you feel like you’re not happy? What’s your first reaction? What is what’s that one go to thing that you do to try to get to a happier place?
00:21:13:21 – 00:21:34:28
Madison
The first thing I normally go to over not feeling great is to find a way to distract myself when from like something that has made me unhappy. Normally, by spending time with people I care about, spend time with cats, playing games, watching videos, doing are really anything that I enjoy, kind of just get my mind off of it.
00:21:35:00 – 00:22:04:02
Joe
Okay. And typically, what’s the trigger point for you? Like, everybody has a tolerance point for unhappiness. At what point do you get to that trigger point where you have to do something, you know, whether that’s go pedicab or go have a conversation with mommy or or or cry. I mean, sometimes that’s what that’s what we do when we get sad, as will cry sometimes.
00:22:04:05 – 00:22:11:12
Joe
How do you know when you’re to that point that you have to take action to to do something about your unhappiness.
00:22:11:14 – 00:22:39:20
Madison
When the bills to the point where I don’t know if I’m going to be able to really hold it anymore. Like it gets to a point where, like, I just feel either feel like constantly like this one, really, this one emotion is just incredibly like, overcome me. And then it’s like affecting how I act. I like, have to restrain myself when I’m around other people without like, the need to lash out.
00:22:39:22 – 00:22:54:01
Madison
I like I get to a point where it’s like, it’s the only thing I’m thinking about. It’s the only thing that’s all my mind and like, I can’t get it off. And that’s when when I get home, I normally have to vent in some way or another.
00:22:54:03 – 00:23:20:28
Joe
And that. That sounds familiar. I mean, I’ve been there many times myself. I think one of the things that I do to try to, I guess, regulate that happiness a little bit more is I try to find waypoints, you know, in the future of if I finish this task, then I can have this reward. Or if I get past this point in the day, then I know I’m going home or something like that.
00:23:21:00 – 00:23:47:22
Joe
And when that doesn’t satiate that unhappiness any more, when looking forward to that reward, whatever it happens to be doesn’t make me feel better when I think about it. That’s kind of where I know I’ve reached my breaking point, like, Oh, man, it’s 11:00 in the morning. And if I had to deal with 12 problems already, I don’t I haven’t even had lunch yet.
00:23:47:22 – 00:24:09:24
Joe
And, you know, that’s when I get frustrated and I have to do something at that point. And three and sometimes that’s just getting up from my desk and walking around just to blow off steam or cool off or I mean, there’s not a whole lot I can do in situations like that at work, but like, I’m fine. I’m at home and I get frustrated or something like that.
00:24:09:27 – 00:24:30:26
Joe
I’ll come upstairs, I’ll sit on the couch and I’ll talk to Mommy or all at the cat and nothing, you know, get in my face and give me an allergic reaction. Then I’ve got something real to worry about it. That’s right. So when you get to that point, it sounds like when you get to your breaking point, it’s probably a little bit further along than that.
00:24:30:27 – 00:24:47:15
Joe
It is healthy to be, to be honest with you. Do you think there is an earlier point that you can get to that that helps you regulate that negative emotion or that that unhappy state better?
00:24:47:17 – 00:25:08:11
Madison
Oh, probably when I’m first starting to kind of feel stressed because at least when it comes to school, I have class after class. And basically the stress from one class kind of builds into the stress of the other class. And the only time I really get a break is during lunch. But then I have four other classes after that.
00:25:08:11 – 00:25:34:15
Madison
So I kind of like the stress kind of builds and builds and I don’t normally have the time to release the issues of the stress from one class when I go to another one. So really, I think what happens is whatever negative emotion I experience in one class, it tends to build onto other negative emotion or other negative emotions from other classes build onto it until I get to my breaking point.
00:25:34:17 – 00:25:46:06
Joe
So you talk about stress a lot. Causing unhappiness. Is stress the primary source of the unhappiness that you seem to encounter?
00:25:46:08 – 00:26:18:20
Madison
In a way, I would say, yeah. Well, I do think that in, you know, controlled doses, stress can be, you know, a good tool to improve yourself. I tend to be very stressed when it comes to school, to the point it affects, you know, how I feel about a lot of things. And like that. Stress tends to like influence my emotions in a more negative light than it does a positive one, like motivating me to, you know, complete tasks and so forth.
00:26:18:27 – 00:26:42:27
Joe
Well, that makes sense. Even even a diamond can only take so much stress before it crumbles. So I think I think really what you need to focus on is getting to that, recognizing that stress point, recognizing that unhappiness that you’re getting to sooner, and then doing some small things to get past that to relieve some of that stress.
00:26:42:29 – 00:26:59:24
Joe
I think that’s probably one of the things that we’re going to have to work on. What can you do, especially in school? Because just like I’m limited in what I can do for for stress relief at work and lower than what you can do at school too. But there are things out there that you can do that we can try to make those things a little bit easier.
00:26:59:27 – 00:27:21:15
Joe
So, you know, by the end of the day, you’re not ready to come home and explode. If, you know, we’ve used the tea pot analogy many times in the past, you know, if you let that stress off slowly throughout the day, by the time you get to the end of the day, it’s much more manageable. You come home, you have a support system at home, you’ve got cats at home.
00:27:21:15 – 00:27:45:29
Joe
They can they can help you to focus on the calm things in life. You have mommy and daddy. They can help with any assignments that you may be running into. So it’s really one of those things where we have to find something that you can do know. Is it going to see a counselor? Is it, you know, regulating that stress by talking to friends in different classes strategically throughout the day?
00:27:46:01 – 00:28:09:03
Joe
There’s something there’s something that will find to get you through that day. And again, you know, we’re getting to the point where it’s almost the end of the school year now. So whatever we find, we’re going to have to find again when the new school year starts anyway. But I think if we get into that practice of finding those little stress breakers for it’ll make life a little bit easier.
00:28:09:05 – 00:28:25:27
Joe
So I want to take our last break here. And when we come back, we’re going to talk about different ways to get happier. All right. We’ll be right back.
00:28:25:29 – 00:28:57:29
Michelle
Insights into entertainment, a podcast series taking a deeper look into entertainment and media. Our husband and wife team of pop culture fanatics are exploring all things from music and movies to television and fandom. We’ll look at the interesting and obscure entertainment news of the week. We’ll talk about theme park and pop culture news. We’ll give you the latest and greatest on pop culture conventions.
00:28:58:01 – 00:29:30:03
Michelle
We’ll give you a deep dive into Disney, Star Wars and much more. Check out our video episodes at YouTube.com, backslash insights into things, our audio episodes and podcast insights into entertainment dot com or check us out on the web at insights into Things Icon.
00:29:30:06 – 00:29:51:15
Madison
Welcome back to Inside the Teens. Today we’re talking about living a happy life. And now we’re going to talk about how to get happier. Okay. So you can learn how to get happier by managing your mindset, calming your mind, becoming more confident, using your strengths, building your self-esteem, doing things you enjoy, and creating good relationships. That’s a lot to think about.
00:29:51:18 – 00:30:04:16
Madison
You can tackle them all at once. No, sorry, not what I meant. You can’t tackle them all at once, but you can start small and pick one thing to work on.
00:30:04:18 – 00:30:32:00
Joe
The best way to reach any goal is to begin with small, specific actions. After doing these for a while, they become habits. Things that fit into your life. Nope. Things that fit into your day without you thinking about them too much. That’s when you move on to build a new daily habit. Achieving small specific goals can add up to big happiness.
00:30:32:03 – 00:31:05:27
Joe
So I want to take a moment to kind of summarize these last, I guess, nine episodes, not ten episodes, because you didn’t do many times. You know, the one thing that we’ve tried to do through this last series is kind of show you how one recognize your emotions, right? I think that’s probably the biggest starting point here. And once you can recognize them and identify them and describe them and label them, they can start to deal with them.
00:31:06:00 – 00:31:29:24
Joe
And once you start to deal with them and you start to manage that stress, then you learn the different techniques to solve some of that stress you eventually can work your way up to. Ultimately, what we’re shooting for in the series and that is a happier life. Everybody faces stress. You face it, I face it. Everybody gets to deal with stress in their lives.
00:31:29:26 – 00:31:54:15
Joe
The different points in our life, we face different stress. The stresses that you face now are very different than the stresses that I face. And I think part of the problem that we run into is I’ve been in your shoes, but it’s been a very long time since I’ve been in your shoes. And I think I am guilty of losing perspective on that sometimes.
00:31:54:18 – 00:32:22:09
Joe
So I may encourage you to, you know, appreciate the stuff that you have now and that should make you happy when while those things are nice, those things aren’t what make a 16 year old happy. They’re not the things that solve the problems that you’re running into. And I think I’m guilty of losing sight of that sometimes. So I want to apologize for that.
00:32:22:10 – 00:32:44:09
Joe
You know, I, I don’t do it neglectful and I don’t do it out of malice. I do it trying to help. But sometimes the perspective from which I’m coming from and my help is pretty divorced from where you are right now. And that has a lot to do with different times. You know? Lord knows I don’t remember things very well at all.
00:32:44:09 – 00:33:04:15
Joe
You already know that. So the way that I remember the stress when I was your age is probably not the way it really happened to me. And I’m pretty sure that when I’m when I was your age, I thought everybody that’s my age now didn’t know what they were talking about and didn’t help my situation at all.
00:33:04:17 – 00:33:20:25
Joe
And it’s probably true. So instead of doling out advice over and over again to you, I want to try to be as open a book as possible to try and help find me solutions.
00:33:20:28 – 00:33:51:13
Joe
So bear with me sometimes to try to regain that perspective. This podcast has helped me a lot with that, and we have a podcast. We haven’t had these kind of talks in several weeks, though I think I may adrift a little far off the path as a result of that. What do you think I can do or Mommy can do or anybody can do to help deal with these stresses and help with the happiness?
00:33:51:16 – 00:34:24:03
Madison
Well, I definitely like understand where you’re coming from a lot of the time when you’re trying to help me, you know, deal with the stuff that I go through. But I definitely think the one thing that I feel is important for a lot of people to understand, especially like some specific people, is that sometimes there isn’t always a solution.
00:34:24:05 – 00:34:43:25
Madison
Sometimes people who ask for help don’t always want a solution to their problem. They kind of just want to, you know, just confide in somebody they trust and, you know, vent their emotions.
00:34:43:27 – 00:35:10:11
Joe
And I think that’s, again, that’s another area that I’m guilty in, is that I’ve always been a solutions person. I’ve always been the type of person that I’m presented with a problem, and I feel compelled to solve that problem. You know, I can’t not hear about a problem and try and fix it. That’s just not in my nature.
00:35:10:14 – 00:35:34:18
Joe
And I’ve run into this issue with mom. You know, there are times that Mommy has a stressful day and she just wants to come home and an event and tell me about it. And that’s how she copes with it. And I’ll listen to her and the wheels immediately start turning in my head as to, all right, this is what you should do or this is what you should say or this is how you should go to.
00:35:34:21 – 00:36:04:16
Joe
And it’s not helpful at all. Now, it’s no no secret that I’m I’m not particularly helpful when it comes to these types of things. I admit that right off the bat. But sometimes I lose sight of the fact that not being being not helpful can be detrimental to the situation at times. So I totally understand how I can probably aggravate the situation from time to time.
00:36:04:16 – 00:36:27:13
Joe
Will that. So, you know, I’m here to listen. If if it’s something that you don’t want to talk to me or mommy about. But figure out who you can talk to. Is it the counselors at school or is it somebody else? Is it friends? Is it other family members? Is it Maybe there isn’t someone that you want to talk to about it.
00:36:27:13 – 00:36:48:00
Joe
Maybe you just need to deal with it yourself sometimes. And if that’s the case, that’s okay, too. You know, maybe Mommy and I can be here. Kind of. Is that distraction that you need sometimes to back away from those stresses to take a break? Because when you get so embroiled in it and so immersed in it, it can tend to bogging down.
00:36:48:03 – 00:37:09:15
Joe
These are these some of these are pretty dark emotions sometimes. And we don’t want you to get bogged down in that. We need to reach down once in a while and pull you out of that quicksand and let you come up for some air. So that’s kind of what we’re trying to do here. I mean, the next next week, we’re going to be doing one of our perspectives on parenting podcasts.
00:37:09:15 – 00:37:21:20
Joe
And I think it’s it’s important as much as I need to understand what your stresses are, it’s important for you to understand that you’re laughing right away.
00:37:21:25 – 00:37:23:27
Madison
You know, I’ll tell you later.
00:37:23:29 – 00:37:51:14
Joe
Okay? It’s important for you to understand that when you become a parent, you don’t get a handbook. There isn’t a training course that you can go through. A lot of the things that we do as parents is we’re learning on the fly and the only thing we can do is kind of apply what we remember from being a kid to that.
00:37:51:17 – 00:38:16:29
Joe
And sometimes we get it wrong. You know, I’d like to think we get it right more times than we get it wrong, but sometimes we get it wrong and sometimes we’re just making it up as we go along as best we can. So the important thing is we do it together, right? So did you have any response to that that you want to turn what you’re doing a balance out of this off the show, off the air type thing?
00:38:17:02 – 00:38:18:17
Madison
Yeah, we’ll fix it and post.
00:38:18:19 – 00:38:19:16
Joe
We’ll fix it because.
00:38:19:18 – 00:38:39:04
Madison
Okay. Or talk about and post or whatever. I know, but to what you were saying. Yeah, I definitely I’m definitely like excited for, you know, one other perspective on perspectives on parenting. I can’t say it. Perspectives on parenting. Say that five times last.
00:38:39:07 – 00:38:41:12
Joe
That five times fast.
00:38:41:14 – 00:39:08:17
Madison
Anyway, I’m excited for it because I had the idea that, like, while we definitely get the teens perspective when it comes to, you know, various issues, which normally the teen never really gets a voice when it comes to this kind of stuff, I feel it’s also important to have it come from the parents as well. And, you know, because like the parents, parents can have very valid concerns for the kids as well.
00:39:08:17 – 00:39:31:19
Madison
And I don’t want to like say that the kid’s always right or whatever. So, you know, it’s important to get both perspectives because, you know, knowing both perspectives is what makes a good relationship. And, you know, I think it’s important for all of us to be open and communicative with each other in order to make our relationship work.
00:39:31:22 – 00:39:53:06
Joe
I can’t argue with that. I think the one closing thing that I want to leave you with and then we’ll we’ll come back for your closing thoughts is the biggest challenge is recognizing on the happiness. Because if you can’t recognize it, you’re not going to solve it. Sometimes those solutions aren’t canned out of the box solution. Sometimes you got to figure it out as you go along.
00:39:53:08 – 00:40:11:20
Joe
So the first thing you have to do is recognize that you’re unhappy. Recognize there’s a problem. And if there’s a solution to that problem, you work on a solution. If it’s something you just have to get through, then you just get through it. But you get through it with other people. I think that’s the important thing, is that you’re never in it alone.
00:40:11:22 – 00:40:21:21
Joe
And hopefully that knowledge will help get through it. So we’re going to take just a quick break, come back and we’ll get your closing thoughts.
00:40:21:27 – 00:40:28:27
Madison
All right.
00:40:29:00 – 00:41:09:09
Madison
Okay. So to everyone out there, I just wanted to say that overall emotional intelligence is an important thing to kind of understand. And it’s not something that needs to be overly complicated. It’s really just kind of taking the small steps in order to get to a point where you can better your life. And it’s important to understand that, you know, even in, you know, hard times that a lot of people can experience, there’s still points that can cause everyone to have some sort of happiness.
00:41:09:09 – 00:41:29:06
Madison
And I don’t want to make it seem like it’s something that like, Oh, you need to be happy now because it’s an entire process. It’s not something that happens overnight, but it’s something that can happen over time. And the important thing is just at least to first recognize it.
00:41:29:08 – 00:41:32:15
Joe
Okay. Sage advice, as always.
00:41:32:15 – 00:41:35:09
Madison
Thank you. Kind Of gun and spur, inspired by you so.
00:41:35:10 – 00:42:02:18
Joe
Well, thank you. I think that is all we had for today’s episode and for this series. Like I said, we’ll be back next week with Mommy as as a guest on the show to talk about perspectives on parenting next week and then we get into some more hard hitting. What did we describe them as? Controversial topics after that.
00:42:02:21 – 00:42:29:18
Joe
So that should be should be interesting. So we’ll see how they go and how much hate mail we get from them. But until then, I do want to once again invite folks to subscribe to the podcast. You can find audio versions of this podcast listed as insights in the teens. You can find both audio and video of all of our podcasts and sit on insight as insights into things.
00:42:29:21 – 00:42:56:26
Joe
And we’re on Apple, Spotify, Google, Stitcher, or anywhere you get a podcast these days. We would also invite you to read us, give us a thumbs up like a star. Whatever the rating system is on your podcast platform of choice, you can also email us. We encourage you to give us your feedback. Here is your show suggestions you can.
00:42:57:01 – 00:43:20:09
Joe
I might not get this out there in the controversial ones too, just so I won’t be. You can email us at comments and insights into things. Dot com. We are on Twitter five days. No, we’re on Twitter all the time at Twitter. Not slash insights underscore things. We are on Twitch five days a week as well as YouTube streaming on twitch.
00:43:20:09 – 00:43:38:08
Joe
We are at Twitch TV slash insights into things on YouTube. We are at YouTube.com slash insights into things. We can get links to. All those and more on our official website at WW w that insights into things dot com and you explain this one.
00:43:38:11 – 00:43:52:20
Madison
And don’t forget to check out our other two podcast insights and entertainment which I have no idea when you guys are going to do another one and then so to know tomorrow are not really monthly podcast that you guys actually have an episode four host about you my brother Sam.
00:43:52:21 – 00:43:55:22
Joe
Wow that is approved by our marketing department there for.
00:43:55:29 – 00:43:57:06
Michelle
You.
00:43:57:08 – 00:43:58:09
Joe
That’s it. And another one of the.
00:43:58:09 – 00:44:00:02
Madison
Books by everyone by.