Insights Into Teens: Episode 158 “Shyness”

INTRO THEME]
[INTRODUCTIONS]
Insights Into Teens: Episode 158 “Shyness”
My upbeat and positive co-host Madison Whalen

Summary
Some people welcome new experiences and new people. They look forward to any opportunity to socialize. They’re often the first to introduce themselves and they jump into a conversation easily. Other people are quiet and shy, and prefer to warm up slowly to new people or situations. In today’s episode of Insights Into Teens we’ll talk about what Shyness is, why people are shy and how to cope with shyness.
But before we get to that I’d like to invite our listening and viewing audience to subscribe to the podcast.

Show Plugs
Subscriptions:
Apple Podcasts
Spotify
Google Podcasts
Stitcher
iHeartRadio
Tunein

Contact Info
Email us at:
Comments@insightsintothings.com
Twitter:
@insights_things
Hi-res videos on Youtube:
http://www.youtube.com/insightsintothings
Streaming 5 days a week on Twitch:
http://www.twitch.tv/insightsintothings
Audio Versions:
http://podcast.insightsintoteens.com/#
Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/InsightsIntoThingsPodcast/
Instagram
https://www.instagram.com/insightsintothings/
Links to all these on the web Web:
https://www.insightsintothings.com

[TRANSITION]

[SEGMENT 1]

https://kidshealth.org/en/teens/shyness.html#catemotions

What Is Shyness?

Shyness is an emotion that affects how a person feels and behaves around others.
Shyness can mean feeling uncomfortable, self-conscious, nervous, bashful, timid, or insecure.
People who feel shy sometimes notice physical sensations like blushing or feeling speechless, shaky, or breathless.

Shyness is the opposite of being at ease with yourself around others.
When people feel shy, they might hesitate to say or do something because they’re feeling unsure of themselves and they’re not ready to be noticed.

Reacting to New Things

New and unfamiliar situations can bring out shy feelings — like the first day of school, meeting someone new, or speaking in front of a group for the first time.
People are more likely to feel shy when they’re not sure how to act, don’t know how others will react, or when attention is on them.
People are less likely to feel shy in situations where they know what to expect, feel sure of what to do or say, or are among familiar people.

Like other emotions, shy feelings can be mild, medium, or intense — depending on the situation and the person.
Someone who usually or often feels shy might think of himself or herself as a shy person.
People who are shy may need more time to get used to change.
They might prefer to stick with what’s familiar.

People who are shy often hesitate before trying something new.
They often prefer watching others before joining in on a group activity.
They usually take longer to warm up to new people and situations.

Sometimes being quiet and introverted is a sign that someone has a naturally shy personality.
But that’s not always the case.
Being quiet is not always the same as being shy.

[AD1: SSE]

[SEGMENT 2]

Why Are Some People Shy?

Shyness is partly a result of genes a person has inherited.
It’s also influenced by behaviors they’ve learned, the ways people have reacted to their shyness, and life experiences they’ve had.

Genetics.
Our genes determine our physical traits, like height, eye color, skin color, and body type.
But genes also influence certain personality traits, including shyness.
About 20% of people have a genetic tendency to be naturally shy.
But not everyone with a genetic tendency to be shy develops a shy temperament.

Life experiences.
When people are faced with a situation that may lead them to feel shy, how they deal with that situation can shape their future reactions to similar situations.
For example, if people who are shy approach new things little by little, it can help them become more confident and comfortable.
But if they feel pushed into situations they don’t feel prepared for, or if they are teased or bullied, it can make them even more shy.

The examples other people set can also play a role in whether a person learns to be shy or not.
If the parents of a shy child are overly cautious or overprotective, it can teach the child to back away from situations that might be uncomfortable or unfamiliar.

Shy Strength

Many people want to reduce their shyness.
But people who are naturally shy also have gifts that they might not appreciate in themselves.
For example, because shy people may prefer listening to talking, they sometimes become really good listeners (and what friend doesn’t appreciate that?!).

People who are shy might also become sensitive to other people’s feelings and emotions.
Because of their sensitivity and listening skills, many people with a shy personality are especially caring toward others, and interested in how others feel.
People often consider them the finest friends.

Of course, some people want to feel less shy so they can have more fun socializing and being themselves around others.
If you’re trying to become less shy, it can help to remember:

Overcoming shyness takes practice.
People who are shy tend to give themselves fewer chances to practice social behaviors.
It’s no wonder that people who shy away from socializing don’t feel as socially confident as those who are outgoing — they have less practice!
The more you practice social behaviors, the easier they get, and the more natural they feel for you.

Take slow, steady steps forward.
Going slow is OK.
But be sure to go forward.
Stepping back from any situations that might trigger you to feel shy can reinforce shyness and keep it at a level that’s hard to get past.
Build confidence by taking one small forward step at a time.

It’s OK to feel awkward.
Everyone does sometimes.
People who are shy are often afraid to feel awkward or uncomfortable.
But don’t let that keep you from doing what you want.
You might feel awkward asking your crush for a first date.
That’s perfectly natural.
Whether your crush says yes — or no — is out of your control.
But not asking at all means you’ll never get that date.
So go for it anyway!

Know that you can do it.
Plenty of people learn to manage their shyness. Know that you can, too.

[AD2: ENTERTAINMENT]

[SEGMENT 3]

When Shyness Is Extreme

Most naturally shy people can learn to manage their shyness so that it doesn’t interfere with what they enjoy doing.
They learn to warm up to new people and situations.
They develop their friendliness and confidence and get past shy feelings.

But for a few people, shy feelings can be extreme and can seem hard to conquer.
When shy feelings are this strong, they prevent a person from interacting, participating in class, and socializing.
Instead of warming up after a while, someone with extreme shyness has shy feelings that build into a powerful fear.
This can cause a person to avoid social situations and hold back on trying new things or making new friends.
Extreme shyness can make it uncomfortable — and seem impossible — to talk to classmates or teachers.

Because extreme shyness can interfere with socializing, it can also affect a person’s self-confidence and self-esteem.
And it can prevent someone from taking advantage of opportunities or trying new things.
Extreme feelings of shyness are often a sign of an anxiety condition called social phobia.
People with social phobia often need the help of a therapist to overcome extreme shyness.

Someone with social phobia — or extreme shyness — can overcome it!
It takes time, patience, courage, and practice.
But it’s worth the hard work.
The payoff is enjoying more friends, having more fun, and feeling more confident.

Be True to Yourself

We can’t change our true inner nature (and who would want to?).
If you have a naturally shy style, or if shyness holds you back, you might have to work at developing a sense of ease around new people.

Most people find that the more they practice socializing, the easier it gets.
Practicing social skills — like assertiveness; conversation; and friendly, confident body language — can help people overcome shyness, build confidence, and get more enjoyment from everyday experiences.

[TRANSITION]

[CLOSE]

Closing thoughts shoutouts

[OUTRO AND CREDITS]

Show Plugs
Subscriptions:
Apple Podcasts
Spotify
Google Podcasts
Stitcher
iHeartRadio
Tunein

Contact Info
Email us at:
Comments@insightsintothings.com
Twitter:
@insights_things
Hi-res videos on Youtube:
http://www.youtube.com/insightsintothings
Streaming 5 days a week on Twitch:
http://www.twitch.tv/insightsintothings
Audio Versions:
http://podcast.insightsintoteens.com/#
Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/InsightsIntoThingsPodcast/
Instagram
https://www.instagram.com/insightsintothings/
Links to all these on the web Web:
https://www.insightsintothings.com

00:00:04:06 – 00:00:43:29
Michelle
Insightful podcasts by informative host insights into Things, a podcast network. Welcome to Insights Into Teens, a podcast series exploring the issues and challenges of today’s youth. Your hosts are Joseph and Madison Whalen, a father and daughter team making their way through the challenges of.

00:00:43:29 – 00:00:52:28
Madison
The teenage years.

00:00:54:09 – 00:01:08:10
Joseph
Welcome to Insights Into Teens. This is episode 158 Shyness. I’m your host, Joseph Whalen, and my upbeat and positive co-host, Madison Whalen. Everyone, how you doing today, Maddie?

00:01:08:29 – 00:01:10:02
Madison
All right. How about you?

00:01:10:13 – 00:01:34:00
Joseph
I’m doing okay. So the holidays are over. We’re getting back into the swing of things. We kind of shut the studio down. Unplanned for the holiday. I wasn’t even doing any of our streams. We unfortunately did not get a chance to put out a holiday special this year. Just things just caught up with us, I think, you know?

00:01:35:03 – 00:01:55:03
Joseph
So we’re getting back into the swing of things. We’ve got a pretty large slate of shows actually lined up right now. Yeah, we’ve got through was this is 158. We’re through 168 now. So we’ve got an additional ten shows already prepped and ready to go.

00:01:55:09 – 00:01:56:26
Madison
And I’m planning on making two more.

00:01:56:28 – 00:02:14:06
Joseph
And you’ve got two more that you’re working on. So yeah, we should have a pretty productive 2023. Yeah, I have to get used to that now. Hmm. I had an incident today at work where I had to sign a document that I’m still putting in 2022. So it’s going to take me about three months to break that habit.

00:02:14:08 – 00:02:24:29
Madison
Thankfully, I have actually, like surprisingly, I am. I’m not really having that issue. I did, unfortunately, mix up January, the January day. I did the third today, even though it’s the fourth.

00:02:25:07 – 00:02:33:13
Joseph
Wow. I thought you were at least you got the year. Right. So anything exciting going on at school to talk about?

00:02:34:03 – 00:02:39:02
Madison
Not really. We’re back in school after a wonderful ten day break.

00:02:39:22 – 00:02:40:17
Joseph
Wonderful.

00:02:41:03 – 00:02:41:29
Madison
I mean, it was.

00:02:41:29 – 00:02:45:19
Joseph
A sign of someone who loved school.

00:02:45:19 – 00:02:59:21
Madison
And like my friend Aaron specifically today was, like, teasing me because he’s, like, out on vacation now. And he we got on each other’s numbers. And like you say, like how? Oh, my God, it’s so good to not be in school again. I’m like, yep.

00:03:00:00 – 00:03:01:18
Joseph
Wow, he’s on vacation again.

00:03:01:27 – 00:03:02:11
Madison
Yeah.

00:03:02:16 – 00:03:26:18
Joseph
My goodness. Okay, more power to him. Yep. So today we’re talking about shyness. Some people welcome new experiences and new people. We look forward to any opportunity to socialize. They’re often the first to introduce themselves and they jump into conversations easily. Anybody come to mind? Your mother’s very much like that.

00:03:26:19 – 00:03:27:06
Madison
Yeah.

00:03:27:23 – 00:03:53:17
Joseph
She’s much more sociable than you and I. Yep. Other people are quiet and shy and prefer to warm up slowly to new people or situations. In today’s episode of Insights into Teens, we’ll talk about what shyness is, why people are shy, and how to cope with shyness. But before we do that, I would like to invite our listening and viewing audience to subscribe to the podcast.

00:03:53:18 – 00:04:16:07
Joseph
You can find audio versions of this podcast listeners insights into teens. You can find audio and video of all the network’s podcasts listed as insights into things that you can find us on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google, Stitcher. Pretty much any place you can find podcasts these days. I would also invite you to write in and give us your feedback.

00:04:16:07 – 00:04:43:03
Joseph
Tell us how we’re doing. Tell us. Show suggestions. We’re always looking for new show suggestions and topics to talk about. You can email us at comments and insights into things. E-Com on Twitter. You can hit us at insights, underscore things. You can find us on Facebook at Facebook.com, slash Insights into Things, podcast on Instagram or at Instagram.com, slash insights into things.

00:04:43:27 – 00:04:52:05
Joseph
Or you can get us on our website at WW w that insights into things dot com. Are we ready?

00:04:52:12 – 00:04:54:13
Madison
I guess we have to be.

00:04:54:17 – 00:04:57:04
Joseph
Here we go.

00:05:01:15 – 00:05:36:28
Joseph
So what is shyness? So today’s research came from kids health dot org. Shyness is an emotion that affects how a person feels and behaves around others. Shyness can mean feeling uncomfortable, self-conscious, nervous, bashful, timid or insecure. People who feel shy sometimes notice physical sensations like blushing or feeling speechless. You may feel shaky or just get breathless sometimes. Shyness is the opposite of being at ease with yourself around others.

00:05:37:27 – 00:05:46:29
Joseph
When people feel shy, they might hesitate to say or do something because they’re feeling unsure of themselves and they’re not ready to be noticed.

00:05:48:02 – 00:06:18:27
Madison
So reacting to new things, new and unfamiliar situations can bring out shy feelings like the first day of school meeting someone new or speaking in front of a group for the first time. People are more likely to feel shy when they’re not sure how to act. Don’t know how others will react or when attention is on them. People are less likely to feel shy in situations where they know what to expect, feel sure of what to do or say, and are among familiar people like other emotions.

00:06:18:27 – 00:06:42:13
Madison
Shy feeling can be mild, medium or intense, depending on the situation and the person. Someone who usually or often feels shy might think of themselves as a shy person. People who are shy may need more time to get used to the change. They might prefer to stick with what’s familiar. People who are shy often hesitate before trying something new.

00:06:43:02 – 00:07:03:00
Madison
They often prefer watching others purr before joining in on a group activity. They usually take longer to warm up to new people and situations. Sometimes being quiet and introverted is a sign that someone has a naturally shy personality. But that’s not always the case. Being quiet is not always the same as being shy.

00:07:03:20 – 00:07:21:04
Joseph
So you’ve described yourself as being introverted. Numerous times in the past, and I think both of us know that you and I really aren’t the outgoing type. You know, it takes me a while to get warmed up, too. Do you think you’re shy?

00:07:22:20 – 00:07:29:23
Madison
Probably. There’s something there. I definitely think that I’m shy to some extent.

00:07:30:09 – 00:07:52:18
Joseph
How do you think you react to new things like they’re specifically talking about unfamiliar situations or people that you don’t know? What’s your first reaction when you’re put in a situation like that where maybe you’re in a new, new environment or you’re exposed to new people? How do you is that something that you embrace? Do you look forward to that?

00:07:52:18 – 00:07:57:14
Joseph
Do you enjoy it? Or is it something that you grudgingly kind of tolerate?

00:07:57:19 – 00:08:16:08
Madison
I grudgingly tolerate sometimes not even that. I just internally panic inside and I kind of just try to not try to stay as far out of certain situations as I can. And if I have to be in those situations, I normally don’t say anything.

00:08:16:25 – 00:08:41:15
Joseph
So when that happens, do you like can you rationalize why you feel that way? What that what’s causing that panic? Is it that you might have to speak to people you’re not familiar with? Is there an anxiety associated with it? Like what? What do those feelings. What’s the origin of those feelings when when you’re in that sort of situation?

00:08:41:21 – 00:09:01:27
Madison
I feel a lot of it can kind of be the fact that I don’t like new things and I have an issue talking with new people. I get nervous because I don’t know the person and I don’t really feel comfortable talking with them and having to be in a situation where, Yeah, you got to talk with a new person.

00:09:01:27 – 00:09:15:00
Madison
I don’t really want to do that. I get nervous. I don’t know how to I don’t really know what I should be saying in certain situations. And a lot of complicated emotions can kind of run through my head at that point.

00:09:15:24 – 00:09:33:14
Joseph
So does this stem from a specific experience? Does it stem from now? Does it stem from my reaction to people? Is that sort of what sets it in or is there a is it a less rational source of anxiety that you experience?

00:09:33:26 – 00:09:55:22
Madison
I think my idea is that I don’t easily trust people. Kind of like how you do. You don’t really like trust the first person you see. And I don’t really want to trust the first person I see. I guess a lot of it can kind of some instances it might just be a fear of my own life, but obviously that’s a bit more irrational in a lot of cases.

00:09:56:12 – 00:10:13:15
Madison
Other times, edge I’m not I don’t feel I’m a big people person, so I may not know how to interact with the new person. And again, it goes to the trusting issue. I don’t really open up to just anybody. So.

00:10:14:02 – 00:10:50:07
Joseph
So have you had instances in which you’ve been put into an unfamiliar situation or a situation where you’ve had to interact with people and you’ve had a negative experience? Like something like my thing is always been I kind of I envision myself doing something stupid, humiliating myself or, you know, this irrational fear that I’m going to say something that’s inappropriate or when someone’s going to get mad at me or something like that.

00:10:51:14 – 00:10:58:20
Joseph
Have you ever had an experience like that where you’ve had an interaction that may maybe triggering some of that anxiety?

00:10:59:11 – 00:11:21:23
Madison
I think where the the best I can really think of is when I say something I didn’t mean to say. Mainly just embarrassing myself by like saying something stupid. One of the biggest examples I can think of is when I get an answer wrong. Like when I think I know the answer and then I don’t, and then it’s wrong and then like I embarrass myself.

00:11:21:23 – 00:11:32:10
Madison
And that’s kind of just my general consensus when I talk to new people. It’s just I don’t want to say something that would either be considered wrong or would just embarrass me.

00:11:33:00 – 00:11:55:18
Joseph
And, you know, it’s funny you say that, because I think some of the experience is that I’ve had have stemmed from situations like that, like in high school, I’m the type of person who, in case you don’t watch the podcast and don’t know, I joke around a lot and I’m the type of person who I deal with my anxieties through humor.

00:11:56:09 – 00:12:17:16
Joseph
A lot of times it’s self-deprecating humor. A lot of times it’s just something to break the ice, to alleviate things. If I can get the other person to laugh or the group to laugh that I’m with, then I feel better about it. And what I found in high school was there are times that I would say something without really thinking it through.

00:12:18:02 – 00:12:34:16
Joseph
And even after high school, it sounds funny in my head, but once it comes out, it might not be funny or it might be inappropriate, or someone might take offense to it. And when I get that negative reaction, it causes me to shut down.

00:12:34:28 – 00:12:45:08
Madison
Yeah, that’s the thing. I can’t really even rely on humor because I don’t think that my mind is particularly funny or I can’t really make jokes up on my own.

00:12:45:13 – 00:12:46:17
Joseph
Oh, I didn’t say it was funny.

00:12:46:18 – 00:13:02:26
Madison
Well, I know. It’s just like I don’t rely on humor because I know my humor can be bad. When I attempted and I don’t think that I’d I find myself funny in those. I don’t think other people would find me funny. So I can’t even rely on that to try to be at the anxiety.

00:13:03:00 – 00:13:11:03
Joseph
Maybe surprise you make a lot of a lot of very comical snide comments here and there that are that are very funny.

00:13:11:03 – 00:13:16:24
Madison
I think a lot of that can kind of just be the fact that when I’m more comfortable with somebody, I can maybe make those comments.

00:13:16:24 – 00:13:34:01
Joseph
And I think that’s what it is, is that there’s there’s a comfort level there that we see that other people don’t. Do you think your shyness hold you back from things? Do you think it prevents you from doing things or interacting in ways that you might otherwise want to?

00:13:35:03 – 00:14:00:18
Madison
Yeah, honestly, the biggest example I can really think of is during marching band when we would have lunch. My shyness would not really get me to sit at a table with other people and like, you know, I’d like if I could have done that so that maybe it didn’t feel I actually I would actually have more friends and I could maybe enjoy marching band a bit more.

00:14:00:18 – 00:14:14:07
Madison
But due to my shyness and even though I would really like to sit with somebody during lunch, I’m limited and I either sit alone until my friend Carley would allow me to join their table or I just sit alone the entire time.

00:14:14:26 – 00:14:35:22
Joseph
Now, that’s an interesting point that you make there. Do you think if people would initiate that contact with you, that it would help to alleviate some of that discomfort and anxiety and you’d be more open? Or do you think that that would that would. Is that something that turns you on? Like, I don’t like it when people approach me.

00:14:36:23 – 00:15:02:14
Joseph
It’s something that makes me feel kind of uncomfortable and it’s that trust issue with me. Like if somebody comes up to me and starts a conversation with me and I don’t know who they are, and it happens all the time, and I don’t know why. Like, if you look at me and you see me on the podcast, I’m not the friendliest looking person, you know, I’m what I tend to describe as an ogre.

00:15:03:05 – 00:15:23:03
Joseph
And there are instances that it scared people away and they leave me alone and I’m okay with that. But there are times when I’m out in public and people just walk up to me and start conversations. My mother used to be the same way and she used to a lot of kids. She was very social, but when people do that to me, it kind of puts me on guard.

00:15:23:26 – 00:15:27:24
Joseph
Is that something that would open you up more or is that something that would shut you down more?

00:15:28:17 – 00:15:50:13
Madison
Honestly, I still kind of have a similar problem. It’s like when Brenda, when people just randomly, like, approach me and my kind of just say, hey, like, I get put off by that. Like when Lucas first, like, said hi to me again after how many years we weren’t really talking to each other. I was put off. I’m like, Who are you?

00:15:52:13 – 00:15:59:06
Madison
Okay, so yeah, I want to have people initiate the conversation, but then I also don’t.

00:15:59:21 – 00:16:15:00
Joseph
So. Okay, so if it’s something that, you know, is holding you back from things, is it something that if you knew how to overcome it, you would choose to do that? Or is it you’re just accepting the way you are at this point in time?

00:16:15:18 – 00:16:34:29
Madison
I think my main issue with it that I’ve kind of concluded is that I don’t like bothering people and I think like just asking them simple things like, Hey, can I sit at lunch with you guys is bothering them. I guess I have the idea of like, you know, the typical high school thing when like the nerd kid tries to ask the popular kids like, Hey, can I sit at lunch with you?

00:16:34:29 – 00:16:38:24
Madison
And then they all like, just look at you and like, no. Or like they just.

00:16:39:07 – 00:16:46:19
Joseph
You know, it. Just because you’re number one in your class doesn’t make you the nerd kid. Just for the record, makes you the smart kid.

00:16:46:20 – 00:16:47:11
Madison
I know.

00:16:47:12 – 00:17:03:08
Joseph
Okay. So, okay, I’ve got I think I’ve got a better understanding of where you’re coming from here. We’re gonna take a quick break, and we’re going to come back and we’ll explore why some people are shy and why some people aren’t shy. We’ll be right back.

00:17:03:13 – 00:17:11:25
Madison
All righty.

00:17:12:17 – 00:17:42:22
Joseph
For over seven years, the second Sith empire has been the premier community guild. In the online game, Star Wars, The Old Republic, with hundreds of friendly and helpful active members, a weekly schedule of nightly events, annual guild, meet and greets, and an active community both on the Web and on Discord. The second season of Empire is more than your typical gaming group.

00:17:43:16 – 00:18:08:25
Joseph
We’re family. Join us on the Star Forge server for nightly events such as operations, Flashpoints, World Boss Funds, Star Wars, Trivia Guild, Lottery and much more. Visit us on the Web today at W w w the second and empire dot com.

00:18:14:08 – 00:18:42:23
Madison
Welcome back to INSIGHT in the teens today we’re talking about shyness and now we’re going to talk about why some people are shy. Shyness is partly a result of genes a person has inherited. It’s also influenced by behaviors. They’ve learned the ways people have reacted to their shyness and life experiences they’ve had. So when so it’s genetics are genes determine physically are physical traits like height, eye color, skin color and body type.

00:18:43:15 – 00:18:57:18
Madison
But genes also influence certain personality traits, including shyness. About 20% of people have a genetic tendency to be naturally shy, but not everyone with a genetic tendency to be shy develops a shy temperament.

00:18:58:15 – 00:19:22:20
Joseph
So you also have life experiences that tend to play into this as well. When people are faced with a situation that may lead them to feel shy, how they deal with that situation can shape their future reactions to similar situations. For example, if people who are shy approach new things a little by little, they can help them become more confident and comfortable.

00:19:23:12 – 00:19:52:10
Joseph
But if they feel pushed into situations they don’t feel prepared for, or if they’re teased or bullied, it can make them even more so. The examples of other the examples other people set can also play a role in whether a person learns to be shy or not. If the parents of a shy child are overly cautious or overly protective, they can teach the child to back away from situations that might be uncomfortable or unfamiliar.

00:19:53:07 – 00:20:05:03
Joseph
So based on that, have you had any experiences where you’ve been bullied or teased because you were shy in any situations?

00:20:05:20 – 00:20:20:12
Madison
I don’t really think I’ve been bullied for being shy. People may have commented how I might not talk all that much, but other than that I don’t really think has been brought up in conversation or teased about in me.

00:20:20:17 – 00:20:42:13
Joseph
Okay. So we’ve discussed already that there’s a significant contrast between Mommy and I when it comes to shyness. Mommy’s much more outgoing, much more self-confident than than I am. And just in general, much more friendly. Has my behavior had an influence on your shyness over the years?

00:20:43:21 – 00:20:49:02
Madison
Well, go into the overly cautious or overprotective. I kind of think you fit that mark pretty well.

00:20:49:05 – 00:20:50:02
Joseph
Oh, absolutely.

00:20:50:20 – 00:21:12:27
Madison
And not saying it’s a bad thing, but it could possibly lead me to feeling that way because, again, with the overprotective ness and the fear that something could happen if I interact with a certain person tends to make me not want to interact with people. So I definitely think that you’re over protectiveness and your shyness probably had an affect on how I act.

00:21:13:05 – 00:21:14:05
Joseph
So it’s all my fault.

00:21:14:10 – 00:21:20:07
Madison
No, no. Oh, it’s not unwarranted for the most part.

00:21:20:22 – 00:21:25:28
Joseph
That’s fair. That’s a that’s a very fair way of saying that. Tell us about the shy strength.

00:21:26:18 – 00:21:59:05
Madison
So many people want to reduce their shyness, but people who are naturally shy also have gifts that they may not appreciate in themselves. For example, because shy people may prefer listening to talking, they sometimes become really good listeners. And what friend doesn’t appreciate that people who are sharp might also become sensitive to other people’s feelings and emotions because of this sensitivity and listening skills, many people with a shy personality are especially caring towards others and interested in how others feel.

00:21:59:21 – 00:22:04:08
Madison
People can often consider. People often consider them the funnest of friends.

00:22:04:15 – 00:22:32:14
Joseph
Now, I think that is very a very poignant point to make here in that you are a good listener. Your friends come to you with problems and talk to you about things. And I think being shy for you in a lot of situations has made you a better listener, a more compassionate person, somebody who is more in tune with other people’s emotions.

00:22:33:06 – 00:22:37:19
Joseph
Would you agree with that? Do you think it made you a better listener and a better friend because of it?

00:22:38:16 – 00:23:06:12
Madison
Honestly, yeah. Because even though I don’t really get along with people I just meet, if I’m able to meet somebody and actually gain a connection with them, I really tend to listen to their conversation and I can actually have a good bond with them. And then I’m able I’m able to notice, like if something’s wrong with them, if something is is wrong, and then I’m able to let them kind of let out their feelings to me.

00:23:06:12 – 00:23:11:08
Madison
And, you know, I can listen and, you know, help them get through it.

00:23:11:27 – 00:23:32:29
Joseph
Yeah, I think it definitely makes you more empathetic, which I which I think is a service. It’s a it’s a it’s a credit to you for that. Of course, some people want to feel less shy so they can have more fun socializing or being themselves around others. If you’re trying to become less shy, you can help to remember that overcoming shyness takes practice.

00:23:33:19 – 00:24:00:28
Joseph
People who are shy tend to give themselves fewer chances to practice social behaviors. It’s no wonder that people who are shy, who shy away from socializing, don’t feel as socially confident as those who are outgoing. They just have less practice. The more you practice social behaviors, the easier they get and the more natural they feel for you. You should also take it slow and take slow, steady steps.

00:24:01:06 – 00:24:19:03
Joseph
Going slow is okay, but be sure to go forward. Stepping back from any situations that might trigger you to feel shy can reinforce shyness and keep it at a level that’s hard to get past. Build confidence by taking one small step forward at a time.

00:24:19:23 – 00:24:43:29
Madison
It’s also important to know that that it’s okay to feel awkward. Everyone does. Sometimes people who are shy off are often afraid to feel awkward or uncomfortable. But don’t let that keep you from doing what you want. You might feel awkward asking your crush out for a first date, which I might not have to relate to. But, you know, and it’s perfectly natural whether your question is yes or no, it’s out of your control.

00:24:44:12 – 00:24:59:19
Madison
But not asking at all means you’ll never get that date. So go for it anyway. Or at least, you know, get the confirmation for it. You know that it’s better than not knowing, I guess. You should also know what you can do. Plenty of people learn to manage this shyness, so know what you can do.

00:25:00:18 – 00:25:26:08
Joseph
So you know, it’s funny that they mentioned the awkwardness because I think that’s why a lot of people, at least that’s one of the motivations for me to be shy and less outgoing is I tend to be awkward. And that awkwardness has a lot to do with a lack of familiarity with people, lack of trust. But part of it also has to do with interacting in a group.

00:25:26:21 – 00:25:51:05
Joseph
And we’ve talked about this before. You know, I have some hearing issues where it’s difficult for me to really hone in on conversations when I’m in a group setting. Yeah, it’s just a bunch of noise to me. So when that sort of thing happens, I feel awkward. Like I’ll catch every third word you might say and then you’ll ask a question and I’ll be like, I could you say that again?

00:25:51:05 – 00:26:12:27
Joseph
And I hate asking like you, I don’t like the inconvenience people and I hate asking people to repeat themselves. So that’s one of the other things that makes me kind of shy away from those types of situations. Do you feel awkward? Is that one of the fears that you have is feeling awkward or foolish or anything like that?

00:26:13:06 – 00:26:41:03
Madison
I mean, yeah, like I said before, I don’t want to embarrass myself in front of people and in a lot of cases, when I tried to make humor, that’s when that happens. I hate giving wrong answers and kind of similar with you when it comes to group settings. I feel awkward like especially during Thanksgiving this year. I like there were like five different conversations happening all at once and I could not hear it for the life of me.

00:26:41:03 – 00:26:51:07
Madison
And I just felt really awkward being in that situation. It’s like even though I knew all of them, I’m like, Can I please get out of this now? I don’t want to be here.

00:26:51:16 – 00:27:23:09
Joseph
Well, and that was kind of why I came out and sat with you. And, you know, we made a little safe space for you so that you could go and get some peace and quiet and relax. I know what that feels like, you know, and I think having having people have a sympathetic ear to when you’re in a situation like that and carving out that safe space, you know, being able to take a step back and catch your breath and calm those anxieties down and then slip back in when you get a chance.

00:27:23:26 – 00:27:45:23
Joseph
These are the small steps that you’re talking about. You know, these little baby steps. And let’s admit, you know, this year, Thanksgiving was far fewer people than we usually have there. So I think it was it was probably a healthy way to get back into things and to get back into that socializing. And I think you did the right thing.

00:27:45:23 – 00:28:07:05
Joseph
I think when you felt you were too uncomfortable, you remove yourself from that situation for a few minutes so you could kind of center yourself and and calm down and come back in. And I don’t think anybody really thought anything of it then. Nobody thought there was a problem or anything. You know, you went off and did your thing and came back and everything was fine.

00:28:07:27 – 00:28:32:07
Joseph
But I think that’s a great lesson in how to cope with something like this. You know, take that time. So we’re going to take our last break and then we’re going to come back and talk about when shyness is extreme and what some of the consequences of that are. Be right back.

00:28:33:19 – 00:29:04:21
Michelle
Insights into Entertainment, a podcast series taking a deeper look into entertainment and media. Our husband and wife team of pop culture fanatics are exploring all things from music and movies to television and fandom. We’ll look at the interesting and obscure entertainment news of the week. We’ll talk about theme park and pop culture news. We’ll give you the latest and greatest on pop culture conventions.

00:29:05:21 – 00:29:29:25
Michelle
We’ll give you a deep dove into Disney, Star Wars and much more. Check out our video episodes at YouTube.com. Backslash Insights into things are audio episodes at podcast on insights into entertainment dot com or check us out on the web at Insights into things icon.

00:29:35:26 – 00:29:58:14
Madison
Welcome back to Insights into Teens. Today we’re talking about shyness and now we’re going to talk about when shyness is extreme. Most naturally, shy people can learn to manage those shyness so that it doesn’t interfere with what they enjoy doing. They learn to warm up to new people and situations, to develop their friendliness and confidence and get past shy feelings.

00:29:59:04 – 00:30:26:02
Madison
But for a few people, shy feelings can be extreme and can seem hard to conquer. When shy feelings are this strong, they prevent a person from interacting, participating in class and socializing. Instead of warming up after a while, someone with extreme shyness has shy feelings that build into a powerful fear. This can cause a person to avoid social situations and hold back on trying new things or making new friends.

00:30:26:19 – 00:30:32:12
Madison
Extreme shyness can make it uncomfortable and seem impossible to talk to classmates or teachers.

00:30:33:14 – 00:30:56:28
Joseph
Because extreme shyness can interfere with socializing. You can also affect a person’s self confidence and self esteem, and it can prevent someone from taking advantage of opportunities. We’re trying new things. Extreme feelings of shyness are often a sign of anxiety called social phobia. Which. Our podcast next week we’ll go into more detail on.

00:30:57:02 – 00:30:57:10
Madison
Yep.

00:30:58:04 – 00:31:21:00
Joseph
People with social phobia often need the help of a therapist overcome extreme shyness. Someone with social phobia or extreme shyness can overcome it. It takes time, patience, courage and practice. But it’s worth the hard work. The payoff is enjoying more friends, having more fun and feeling more confident.

00:31:22:03 – 00:31:42:22
Madison
The important thing is that you should be true to yourself. We can’t change our true inner nature. And who would want you to? If you have a naturally shy style, or if shyness hold you back, you might have to work at developing a sense of ease around new people. Most people find that the more they practice socializing, the easier it gets.

00:31:43:03 – 00:31:57:10
Madison
Practicing social skills like assertiveness, which again, a podcast on conversation and friendly, competent body language can help people overcome shyness, build confidence and get more enjoyment from everyday experiences.

00:31:57:22 – 00:32:07:07
Joseph
So would you say that your shyness has caused you to be less participatory in class? Does it bleed into that?

00:32:07:22 – 00:32:35:06
Madison
Well, definitely not recently, I’ll say. As much as I hate getting answers wrong, I have actually participated in class a lot more. I know I used to really be quiet about it and I never really would raise my hand to answer anything. But in class, in a lot of cases, I’m one of the main people that can answer questions, especially if I feel passionately about the subjects.

00:32:35:21 – 00:32:54:10
Joseph
What about socializing has extreme shyness or I don’t want to say you have extreme shyness to shyness. Has shyness interfered with your socializing, participating in social activities, making new friends, doing things with your existing friends? Has it had an impact on that?

00:32:54:27 – 00:33:20:25
Madison
Well, doing stuff with my existing friends, I know it hasn’t affected because I enjoy being around my existing friends and I enjoy doing stuff with them. Making new friends. I don’t really know how to make new friends. I honestly say that sometimes it just happens. Like Erin, I never really talked to Erin until we were in class and I have no idea how we started talking with each other and becoming friends.

00:33:21:23 – 00:33:46:14
Madison
But we’re friends, I guess, and I don’t know how it happened, but I can definitely. Well, it hasn’t really stopped me inherently from making friends. I know it has stopped me from trying to join or like directly make friends. It’s kind of like you. Like, honestly, there’s like subtle things that happen that can build up into a friendship.

00:33:46:15 – 00:33:54:20
Madison
For me, it’s not really direct action on my part, but in a lot of cases it can limit like me interacting with people.

00:33:54:29 – 00:34:20:03
Joseph
Okay, what about stuff at school? So I know one of the things that we’ve been trying to get you into has been participating in additional clubs. We’ve got the art club and the the tabletop gaming club and stuff like that. Has your shyness had an effect on one joining clubs and two, participating in the clubs and interacting with the other students in those clubs?

00:34:20:03 – 00:34:21:25
Joseph
Has it had a negative effect on that?

00:34:22:05 – 00:34:47:00
Madison
Well, I definitely know joining the clubs. I was very terrified. Not only a lot of it was also due to like my own fear of getting my homework done. But a lot of it was also like I didn’t really want to have to see new people and joining these clubs. I had no idea if anybody was going to if I was going to know anybody and if I didn’t know anybody, I was going to be like really terrified of the art club.

00:34:47:00 – 00:35:14:24
Madison
I didn’t really get too much of an experience with because my one friend Erin was in the art club meeting that one day. But, but like, I didn’t really know anybody else and I didn’t really have the time to socialize with anyone else but the tabletop gaming one. Even though my one friend wasn’t there, there were some people that I actually knew and I was actually able to interact with people who I hadn’t really met before, and I was able to play games and have some fun with it.

00:35:15:11 – 00:35:37:19
Joseph
So has it been something with you where you’re okay in a new situation if there’s people you’re familiar with where you get to know other people, or does that still put you in a situation where it’s awkward, where you’re still not comfortable? Does it get more comfortable with more people that you you now are familiar with?

00:35:37:23 – 00:35:57:08
Madison
Yeah, I definitely I definitely say it does get more comfortable with more people that I know. But even that, like, I can still be like I don’t really know. Like I may be more opted to go to those clubs if I know my friends are in there. But I’m still I still might not be completely on board with that.

00:35:57:23 – 00:36:12:25
Joseph
Okay. And how much has COVID and the restrictions and the separation and quarantine and COVID, how much does that played in maybe even fueling the social anxiety moving forward?

00:36:13:18 – 00:36:37:25
Madison
Honestly, I definitely think the restrictions have certainly fueled my own form of social anxiety because I kind of liked remote learning. I didn’t have to interact with people. I liked doing work in my own space and I didn’t have to rely on others and I still like talked with friends that I was able to talk to online, but I wasn’t really missing the social interaction.

00:36:38:17 – 00:37:06:06
Joseph
So you had mentioned early on when they asked about you wanting to get over the shyness, you expressed an interest in wanting to. How do you go about doing it? Because obviously there are situations that you’re in where you’re able to overcome it or at least tolerated or put it aside for a while. What are some of the things that you’ve done to make those otherwise uncomfortable situations bearable?

00:37:06:27 – 00:37:41:24
Madison
Ah, I guess it’s I guess what I’ve done is I tried to find a common interest with a person like the times that I’ve like actually gone up to people and like wanted to interact with them. It’s normally been because I found something that they liked that found out that they like something that I liked, and I was able to use that as a talking point because it like honestly, I can, even though I don’t really like talking with new people, if there’s a topic that I’m able to understand and I have like ideas and opinions on, I’m able to ramble for like hours.

00:37:41:24 – 00:37:42:13
Madison
Honestly.

00:37:42:14 – 00:37:43:06
Joseph
Yes, I know.

00:37:43:09 – 00:38:02:04
Madison
Yeah. So it’s like if I’m able to. So I can look for that. Honestly, if I’m able to find like a common interest with them or like a common activity, we can either do that activity or talk about that that activity. And I can genuinely, like get to know them and interact with them.

00:38:02:22 – 00:38:30:17
Joseph
And I think there are some very good, very valid techniques of of how to overcome some of these. What’s your plan moving forward? If you if you’re really interested in overcoming this shyness, is it more of continue down the path that we are and maybe exposure self to more uncomfortable things to get to get more comfortable and do that practice like we talked about earlier or are you looking to do something a little bit more radical than that?

00:38:30:17 – 00:38:31:25
Madison
And what would that be?

00:38:32:13 – 00:39:00:12
Joseph
I don’t know. I mean, like, we know we’ve got the one thing, the college trip that you’re going to be doing that’s going to be you know, that’s really outside your comfort zone. We had the Japan trip that you have planned that’s really outside your comfort zone. So you’re planning some of these really big things that that you don’t normally do that are probably going to be affected by this.

00:39:00:12 – 00:39:34:15
Joseph
And I’m curious how we’re going to get you to the point where you’re going to be okay and not have issues because one of those is coming up at the end of the school year. So if if you’re not making the progress in the clubs to get over some of the shyness, we’re probably going to have to take some more, you know, extreme measures and sort of start throwing you into social situations to get comfortable going to school dances or maybe attending some other school events to try to start getting you used to that type of thing.

00:39:35:06 – 00:39:44:16
Joseph
I don’t know. I don’t really have a clear cut plan. I don’t know if you had any other thoughts on on how you would get to that point.

00:39:45:03 – 00:39:56:01
Madison
Well, I wouldn’t just term in social situations. I don’t really feel comfortable with that. And I understand like the whole irony of we should probably be doing that because you know so.

00:39:57:02 – 00:40:19:22
Joseph
Well and I’m not suggesting that we will. Yeah, that’s that’s one course of action that could have detrimental effects. I guess what I’m asking is, you know, you’ve got these milestones coming up that are going to be these socially challenging. We’ll call them situations. What’s your plan to get to that point? You just kind of stumble into them and see how it goes.

00:40:19:23 – 00:40:22:04
Joseph
I mean, that’s another strategy, right?

00:40:22:06 – 00:40:42:16
Madison
I mean, I think I’m going to stick with what I know for now because, like, I can still I’ve made friends this year that I did not know before, but like, oh, as I guess as long as I’m able to find things in common with them, I think I should be fine.

00:40:43:10 – 00:40:53:15
Joseph
Okay. Do you think the clubs that you’re participating in now are helping in that? Or are they hurting in that? Or they have no effect whatsoever?

00:40:53:19 – 00:40:55:15
Madison
They’re probably going to help with that, honestly.

00:40:55:23 – 00:40:58:23
Joseph
Okay. The will continue down that path at least.

00:40:58:24 – 00:40:59:26
Madison
Yeah, we’ll do that.

00:41:00:18 – 00:41:11:16
Joseph
Okay. I think that works more, I think. Quick break. Come back at your final thoughts and in close up the podcast. All right. All right.

00:41:16:08 – 00:41:46:14
Madison
All right. So to everyone out there, I wanted to say that China’s isn’t the worst thing in the world. It’s something that a lot of people can probably related to. And again, it’s different for everybody. And it’s okay if you have these feelings. And again, there’s plenty of there’s some positives that can come out of it. But it is important that you do make connections with people because they can ultimately it can ultimately help you later on in life.

00:41:47:00 – 00:42:14:12
Joseph
Okay. Very good thought. Before we go again, I do want to once again invite our listening and viewing audience to subscribe to the podcast. You can find audio versions listed as insights in teens. Audio and visual video of all of our podcasts can be found listed as insights in the things we’re available on Pandora, available on podcasts, or just look for podcasts.

00:42:14:12 – 00:42:14:25
Madison
Yep.

00:42:16:10 – 00:42:38:17
Joseph
The script’s too far away. That’s the problem. We’re available on Pandora. Castro, Stitcher Pod Buying Buzz Brown Amazon Music in most places. You can get a podcast these days and bring in tell us how you you deal with China’s tell us what you think of the show. Do you find what we’re talking about helpful? Do you have things you’d rather we do research and talk about?

00:42:39:19 – 00:43:04:19
Joseph
You can email us at comments and insights into things dot com. You can find us on Instagram and Instagram dot com slash insights and the things we do stream usually five days a week on twitch twitch TV slash insights into things where you can get links to everything and more. Everything and more. All those things and more. Your money reading script.

00:43:04:26 – 00:43:12:12
Joseph
Yep. You get links to all those things and more on our website at WW Insights into things dot com and you.

00:43:12:19 – 00:43:23:26
Madison
And don’t forget to check out our other two podcast insights and entertainment usually hosted by you and mommy. And then that’s dinner tomorrow. Not really a monthly podcast anymore and usually hosted by you and my brother Sam.

00:43:23:26 – 00:43:27:17
Joseph
Well, that is advertising. You really should get a job in the marketing department.

00:43:28:06 – 00:43:34:14
Madison
Look, you’re given me loops. I normally had my thing going for me, and now we’re messing with the podcast.

00:43:34:18 – 00:43:36:15
Joseph
All right, we’ll get back on track.

00:43:36:18 – 00:43:37:00
Madison
Yep.

00:43:37:08 – 00:43:40:16
Joseph
So that is it for today. None of it in the books.

00:43:40:16 – 00:43:41:10
Madison
By everyone.

00:43:41:11 – 00:44:07:19
Joseph
By.