Insights Into Teens: Episode 124 ”Teens and Entitlement”

Insights Into Things

https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-vttcs-10e298d

On this week’s episode we’re talking Teens and Entitlement. We’ll talk about what is the mentality of entitlement and it’s clinical definition. We explore how entitlement mentality affects relationships. Then we’ll look at signs of an entitled teenager and methods to fix entitled behavior before we wrap up with three tools for battling entitlement.

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Show Notes

INTRO THEME]

  • [INTRODUCTIONS] 
    • Insights Into Teens: Episode 124 “Teens and Entitlement”
    • My grateful and cheerful co-host Madison Whalen
    • Summary
      • On this week’s episode we’re talking Teens and Entitlement. We’ll talk about what is the mentality of entitlement and it’s clinical definition. We explore how entitlement mentality affects relationships. Then we’ll look at signs of an entitled teenager and methods to fix entitled behavior before we wrap up with three tools for battling entitlement.
    • [Show Plugs]

[TRANSITION]

   [SEGMENT 1] 

What is the mentality of entitlement?

https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/what-is-an-entitlement-mentality

https://wb.md/3zg2OOi

  • Entitlement mentality is defined as a sense of deservingness or being owed a favor when little or nothing has been done to deserve special treatment. 
    • It can be known as the “you owe me” attitude. 
  • Clinically speaking entitlement is a narcissistic personality trait
    • People with Narcissistic personality disorder have an inflated idea of themselves and a need for lots of attention from other people
  • It’s not known exactly how this mentality develops. But a sense of entitlement may be due to social factors including:
    • The environment you grew up in
    • The way your parents treated you
    • Whether adults solved your problems for you
    • Or how you are treated by authority figures

How Entitlement Mentality Affects Relationships

  • People with an entitlement mentality often see themselves as superior to others
    • As a result this way of thinking affects interpersonal relationships
  • There can be Long-term relationship damage as a result of entitlement mentality.
    • When you believe you’re entitled to better treatment than others or that the rules don’t apply to you, you’re more likely to suffer in the long term. 
    • Given that you simply believe you aren’t getting what you’re owed, an entitlement mentality can result in:
      • Conflict in relationships
      • Unhappiness 
      • Disappointment 
      • Depression
  • Your career may suffer, too. 
    • Entitled people often interview well and can land leadership roles because of their confidence. 
    • However, they often lack team spirit and avoid problem-solving in the workplace. 
    • Most of the decisions an entitled person makes are self-serving. 
    • This can quickly become apparent to their co-workers.
  • The Cycle of Entitlement
    • Feeling entitled to something and the disappointment that follows when you don’t get what you want can reinforce entitled behavior. 
    • This typically follows a vicious 3-step cycle:
      • When you’re entitled, you’re always vulnerable to the threat of unmet expectations. 
      • When your expectations aren’t met, it can lead to dissatisfaction and other emotions like anger and a sense of being cheated. 
      • When you’re distressed, you try to fix the situation and console yourself. 
        • This results in self-reassurance that you deserve everything you’ve ever wanted, which reinforces the same entitled behavior. 

[AD1: SSE]

[SEGMENT 2]

Signs of an Entitled Teenager

https://finallyfamilyhomes.org/deal-with-entitled-teenager/

https://bit.ly/3EhsnlA

  • An entitled teenager is confused about what’s deserved, what’s earned, and what’s a gift. 
    • They are unwilling to help others or accept personal responsibility for themselves. 
    • Entitled teens have high demands for everyone but themselves.
  • Entitlement is a feeling your child may have but is very unlikely to express directly. 
    • Therefore, it’s up to you to determine if your teen has a sense of entitlement. 
    • Here are five signs that may indicate you have an entitled child:
      • They can’t handle being told “no”
        • They melt down, pout, or pull up a battle every time you turn down a request. 
        • An immediate “yes” is the only way to avoid a battle.
  • They show no signs of sincere gratitude
    • Why should they be grateful for what they believe they are “owed?” 
    • You’re lucky to hear a forced “thanks.” 
    • An ungrateful teen is a sign of an entitled teen.
  • They have a long list of never-ending demands
    • If you don’t expect to walk through a store without getting barraged with demands for nearly everything you walk by, you probably have an entitled teenager.
  • They’ve got a “no can do” attitude
    • Make their sandwich or lunch themselves? 
    • Pick up their laundry and trash in their room? 
    • That’s asking too much.
  • Another behavior can be that they’re constantly comparing
    • It always seems to be “not fair” for them. 
    • They’re not afraid to ask for the best and the first.
  • If three or more of these sound like your child, you are probably dealing with an entitled teenager. 
  • Being entitled will not serve them or you well, so it’s important to help your child grow out of this attitude.

How to fix Entitled Behavior

  • The first step towards successfully fighting entitlement is looking into what may be driving the behavior. 
    • Usually, there is some misinformation or false beliefs driving the feelings that are feeding the entitled attitudes and behaviors. 
    • In addition, teenagers are developmentally inclined to be more wrapped up in themselves.
  • As far as false beliefs, it could be that they have bought into the message that their value is based on what they own and how they look. 
    • If your sense of personal worth is on the line, non-essentials can start to look essential. 
    • Those $100 jeans aren’t just expensive stuff, getting them becomes tied to how loved and lovable you believe you are.
  • Feeling equipped or unable to get what you want or need can drive entitled behavior. 
    • If you think that the only way you can get those jeans is to demand them, that’s what you’re going to do.
  • Developmentally, the science shows that teenage brains begin to revolve more intensely around self as they begin preparing for independence.
    • Consequently, teens need extra help during this time to think about others and empathize. 
    • Chances are that they are not thinking about how much work or money someone else spent to give them something.

[AD2: ENTERTAINMENT]

[SEGMENT 3] 

3 Tools for Battling Entitlement

  • It seems like entitlement is all around us, especially among teenagers. 
    • You can’t be complacent if you want your teen to break free from entitlement. 
    • It requires effort and intention.
    • 1. Teach your teen gratitude
      • The number one enemy of entitlement is gratitude. 
      • Gratitude isn’t just being thankful or appreciative, but also recognizing the effort of the giver. 
      • Explicitly teaching your self-focused teen how to be grateful will help them develop gratitude more quickly and fully.
        • Identify a gift when it comes. 
          • This means being able to tell the difference between what’s owed, what’s earned, and what’s given as an act of kindness. 
          • If you didn’t earn it and no one owes you, it’s a gift.
        • Appreciate what you have. 
          • This means considering the worth & value of what is given.
        • Recognize the kindness of the giver. 
          • Someone had to work and pay and be thoughtful of the recipient – when given the gift.
  • 2. Fight Comparison: 
    • Set time limits or ditch social media altogether. 
    • Help you teens interpret what they’re seeing in the media and online
    • Remind them that all of these things are meant to sell, even their friend on social media is selling something – “I’ve got it all together” or “You should admire me.” 
    • These are all half-stories at best, but more often outright lies. 
    • Never compare your teen to others. 
    • Conversely, do remind your teen that their value is in who they are and not in what they have or how they compare to someone else.
  • 3. Empower Them to get Things for Themselves
    • Does your teen struggle with understanding that getting things requires effort? 
    • Let them work for it and find out for themselves.
  • Entitlement can be a tough attitude to turn around. 
    • Until their brains develop more fully, expect to continue to battle entitlement.
      • Nevertheless, try to be patient with your teenager.
  • You should also be patient with yourself. 
    • Entitlement can be hard to stomach, it takes effort to steer that ship in the right direction. 
    • You are bound to make mistakes as you navigate how to deal with an entitled teen. 
    • If you make mistakes, try fixing them, and keep working at it. 
    • It’s worth the effort.

[TRANSITION]

[OUTRO AND CREDITS]

Transcription

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[Music]

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insightful podcasts

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insights into things

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a podcast network

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welcome to insights into teens a podcast

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series exploring the issues and

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challenges of today’s youth your hosts

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are joseph and madison whalen a father

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and daughter team making their way

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through the challenges of the teenage

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years

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[Music]

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[Applause]

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welcome to insides in the teens this is

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episode 124

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teens and entitlement i’m your host

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joseph whalen and my grateful and

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cheerful co-host madison william hi

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everyone how you doing today maddie

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you can be honest it’s okay that’s what

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this show’s for not so well

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not so well huh anything we want to

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address here or no

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uh probably just burnt out from band and

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school and stuff it’s

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tough uh first full week at school

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yeah we might talk about it at we might

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talk about it later on the podcast maybe

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next week not sure sounds like we got a

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good podcast coming up then

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really but this week we are talking

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about entitlement this was one that you

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had done the research for

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um

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we’ll talk about what the mentality of

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entitlement and its clinical definition

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are

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we’ll explore how entitlement mentality

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affects relationships and then we’ll

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take a look at signs of an entitled

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teenager and methods to fix entitled

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behavior

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before we wrap up with three tools for

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battling entitlement

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but before we do that though i do want

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to invite our listening and viewing

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[Music]

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so what is

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the mentality of entitlement so the

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research for this comes from

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webmd.com and it was conducted by you

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madison

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they say that entitlement mentality is

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defined as a sense of deservingness or

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being owed a favor when little or

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nothing has been done to deserve special

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treatment

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it can be known as the quote you owe me

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attitude

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clinically speaking entitlement is a

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narcissistic personality trait

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people with narcissistic personality

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disorder

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have an inflated idea of themselves

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and a need for lots of attention from

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other people

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it’s not known exactly how this

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mentality develops

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but a sense of entitlement may be due to

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social factors including the environment

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you grew up in

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the way your parents treated you

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whether adults solved your problems for

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you or not

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or how you’re treated by authority

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figures

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so

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how

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now i

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want to kind of mention how entitlement

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mentality can affect you can affect your

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relationships

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people within with an entitlement

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mentality often see themselves as

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superior to others

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as a result this way of thinking affects

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interpersonal relationships

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there can be long-term relationship

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damage as a result of entitlement

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mentality when you believe you’re

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entitled to better treatment than others

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or that the rules don’t apply to you

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you’re more likely to suffer in the long

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term

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given that you simply believe you aren’t

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getting what you’re owed an entitlement

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mentality can result in conflict in

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relationships

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disappointment and depression

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your career may suffer too

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entitled people often interview well and

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can land leadership roles because of

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their confidence

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however they often lack team spirit and

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avoid problem solving in the workplace

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most of the decisions an entitled person

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makes are self-serving this can quickly

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become apparent to their co-workers

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there’s also the cycle of entitlement

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that we should talk about so feeling

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entitled to something and the

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disappointment that follows when you

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don’t get what you want can reinforce

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entitled behavior

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this typically follows a vicious

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three-step cycle

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when you’re entitled you’re always

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vulnerable to the threat of unmet

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expectations

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when your expectations are unmet it can

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lead to dissatisfaction in other

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emotions like anger and a sense of being

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cheated when you’re distressed you try

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to fix the situation and console

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yourself

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this results in self-assurance that you

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deserve everything you’ve ever wanted

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which reinforces the same entitled

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behavior so it’s

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it’s kind of a cycle that feeds itself

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when you get into that rut there yep so

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let me start off by asking

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do you think you suffer from an

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entitlement mentality

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i mean i don’t really think i do i never

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really feel like i’m ever

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always owed something i know that like

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for the most part um i never feel like

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i’m owed anything even if i do um

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something for someone else

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um

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i guess only if the expectation

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i have of that person is to be is to

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have them kind of owe me in a way

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then that’s really the only time i think

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of that but

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most of the time i feel like i mostly

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owe people the most part like even if

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it’s really not um that big of a deal

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um and i would tend to agree for the

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most part

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and i

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not the pat myself and mommy on the back

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but

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i think a lot of that comes with the

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fact that

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even though i don’t

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want you to want for anything

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what mommy and i have done was we’ve

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tried you know since the time that you

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were a baby

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we’ve tried to teach you that

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in order to get the things that you want

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they have to be earned

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either they’re earned by good behavior

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they’re earned by obeying the rules

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they’re earned by doing your chores

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whatever it is

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and through the years

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you’ve willingly accepted that

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and when things are given to you

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you’re very appreciative

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because you yourself have had the

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opportunity to

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work and earn money and you understand

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what the value of that effort actually

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is

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do you think

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that has helped you to not have an

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entitlement attitude oh definitely um i

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think a lot of people who are entitled

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don’t understand the value of hard work

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when you think about kids who constantly

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want everything and their parents just

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willingly go along with it they don’t

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know them they don’t really take value

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in

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how it

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on how they would get what they wanted

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it’s just that they got it and that’s

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all they really care about they don’t

0:08:46.080,0:08:50.800
care like how much money their parents

0:08:48.399,0:08:51.839
spend how much time it took them to get

0:08:50.800,0:08:53.839
this

0:08:51.839,0:08:56.160
like how much effort that went into

0:08:53.839,0:08:58.640
giving them this something that they

0:08:56.160,0:09:00.560
demanded and they just all they care

0:08:58.640,0:09:02.320
about is that they got it and

0:09:00.560,0:09:05.200
sometimes they just completely throw it

0:09:02.320,0:09:07.040
away or just completely trash

0:09:05.200,0:09:08.640
their parents because

0:09:07.040,0:09:10.959
it was like a different model or

0:09:08.640,0:09:14.320
something right you know and it’s funny

0:09:10.959,0:09:16.320
in my experience i find that the people

0:09:14.320,0:09:18.240
that tend to be those who are the most

0:09:16.320,0:09:20.640
entitled are the ones that haven’t had

0:09:18.240,0:09:22.880
to work to get to where they are

0:09:20.640,0:09:25.440
a couple of people that i’ve worked for

0:09:22.880,0:09:27.680
in the past come to mind where

0:09:25.440,0:09:30.800
their parents were

0:09:27.680,0:09:32.640
very industrious they were the ones that

0:09:30.800,0:09:34.880
started out with nothing worked their

0:09:32.640,0:09:37.440
way to the top became very successful at

0:09:34.880,0:09:39.839
what they did and then their children

0:09:37.440,0:09:43.360
benefited from that but there was never

0:09:39.839,0:09:45.440
a need for their children to actually

0:09:43.360,0:09:47.120
excuse me

0:09:45.440,0:09:50.160
there was never a need for the children

0:09:47.120,0:09:52.320
actually put that effort in themselves

0:09:50.160,0:09:53.680
they’ve always been entitled in my

0:09:52.320,0:09:55.600
experience

0:09:53.680,0:09:58.480
do you know anybody have you experienced

0:09:55.600,0:10:00.880
anyone who’s entitled that you aware of

0:09:58.480,0:10:00.880
um

0:10:01.519,0:10:09.279
i can’t say that any specific

0:10:05.760,0:10:12.000
um person comes to mind

0:10:09.279,0:10:15.120
i’ve tried to probably avoid those kinds

0:10:12.000,0:10:16.720
of people especially because

0:10:15.120,0:10:18.640
you never really want to be someone

0:10:16.720,0:10:21.120
around someone who’s completely entitled

0:10:18.640,0:10:23.200
and only thinks of themselves than

0:10:21.120,0:10:25.440
no one else right

0:10:23.200,0:10:28.079
um the only example

0:10:25.440,0:10:30.079
i can really think of

0:10:28.079,0:10:31.040
is a little

0:10:30.079,0:10:32.399
might be

0:10:31.040,0:10:34.560
controversial

0:10:32.399,0:10:36.720
in a way okay and that’s people who

0:10:34.560,0:10:40.480
really don’t wear masks

0:10:36.720,0:10:43.680
that’s a fair point some of those people

0:10:40.480,0:10:46.000
might be considered to be entitled in a

0:10:43.680,0:10:47.360
way i could certainly i could certainly

0:10:46.000,0:10:49.279
see where you’re going with that and

0:10:47.360,0:10:50.320
that kind of makes sense

0:10:49.279,0:10:52.720
um

0:10:50.320,0:10:54.480
a lot of times entitlement can also be

0:10:52.720,0:10:57.279
about not

0:10:54.480,0:10:59.440
largely not appreciating what you have

0:10:57.279,0:11:00.720
like those people

0:10:59.440,0:11:02.560
you know it’s talked about the man

0:11:00.720,0:11:04.480
squares you know the mask squares are

0:11:02.560,0:11:07.360
people who

0:11:04.480,0:11:09.360
understand that there are sacrifices

0:11:07.360,0:11:10.320
that you have to make for the greater

0:11:09.360,0:11:12.240
good

0:11:10.320,0:11:13.519
you know when i wear a mask i don’t wear

0:11:12.240,0:11:15.920
a mask

0:11:13.519,0:11:18.480
just to protect myself i wear a mask to

0:11:15.920,0:11:20.399
protect all those around me too

0:11:18.480,0:11:22.240
to protect my family to protect my

0:11:20.399,0:11:26.720
co-workers

0:11:22.240,0:11:26.720
and those who don’t wear a mask

0:11:27.040,0:11:29.920
most of the ones at least that i’ve

0:11:28.720,0:11:32.399
encountered

0:11:29.920,0:11:34.240
tend to look at it as well

0:11:32.399,0:11:36.320
i don’t need to wear a mask i’m gonna

0:11:34.240,0:11:39.279
get it no matter what and i’ll just have

0:11:36.320,0:11:40.480
a natural immunity

0:11:39.279,0:11:42.720
and i think

0:11:40.480,0:11:44.560
that’s kind of an entitled opinion

0:11:42.720,0:11:46.480
because yeah okay you may be young you

0:11:44.560,0:11:49.200
may be healthy maybe in good shape and

0:11:46.480,0:11:51.440
not have any underlying conditions

0:11:49.200,0:11:53.760
but you’re not the only one at risk

0:11:51.440,0:11:55.839
you could very well get it

0:11:53.760,0:11:59.519
get a mild case of it but become a

0:11:55.839,0:12:00.720
carrier and then spread that to others

0:11:59.519,0:12:03.839
and

0:12:00.720,0:12:04.639
this entitlement mentality is all about

0:12:03.839,0:12:06.240
me

0:12:04.639,0:12:08.959
you know what can i do for me what’s

0:12:06.240,0:12:11.920
important to me what’s valuable to me

0:12:08.959,0:12:14.000
and people that are the

0:12:11.920,0:12:16.240
anti-masters

0:12:14.000,0:12:18.560
are all about themselves you know

0:12:16.240,0:12:20.079
they’ll throw out different you know

0:12:18.560,0:12:21.600
freedoms and stuff like that but really

0:12:20.079,0:12:23.360
it’s about them

0:12:21.600,0:12:25.440
and wearing a mask is really about

0:12:23.360,0:12:27.839
protecting others

0:12:25.440,0:12:30.480
and so i agree with you i think i think

0:12:27.839,0:12:32.560
you’re probably on par with that

0:12:30.480,0:12:33.600
um so you’ve never had a situation where

0:12:32.560,0:12:36.399
you’ve

0:12:33.600,0:12:40.079
had to deal with an entitled mentality

0:12:36.399,0:12:42.000
or anything like that no thank goodness

0:12:40.079,0:12:44.320
well i had this one boss

0:12:42.000,0:12:45.279
a few years back

0:12:44.320,0:12:48.160
and

0:12:45.279,0:12:49.040
we used to have a saying and we we said

0:12:48.160,0:12:52.079
uh

0:12:49.040,0:12:53.680
you know his father put him on third as

0:12:52.079,0:12:55.040
a baseball reference his father put him

0:12:53.680,0:12:56.720
on third

0:12:55.040,0:12:57.839
and he convinced himself that he hit a

0:12:56.720,0:13:00.480
triple

0:12:57.839,0:13:03.200
and he just assumed that because he rode

0:13:00.480,0:13:04.480
his father’s coattails to financial

0:13:03.200,0:13:07.120
success

0:13:04.480,0:13:10.720
that he himself was financially

0:13:07.120,0:13:12.160
successful and competent and intelligent

0:13:10.720,0:13:14.320
and

0:13:12.160,0:13:16.639
when his father kind of

0:13:14.320,0:13:18.959
got done dealing with all that nonsense

0:13:16.639,0:13:20.800
and let him go run off on his own and

0:13:18.959,0:13:23.120
run his own company

0:13:20.800,0:13:26.000
he ran it into the ground

0:13:23.120,0:13:28.320
and proved that he couldn’t manage his

0:13:26.000,0:13:29.760
way out of a wet paper bag

0:13:28.320,0:13:32.800
and

0:13:29.760,0:13:35.360
he still thought that he was entitled

0:13:32.800,0:13:37.120
even after all that and and once his

0:13:35.360,0:13:38.720
father cut him off he kind of had to

0:13:37.120,0:13:40.480
fend for himself and i think he started

0:13:38.720,0:13:41.680
to get an appreciation at that point in

0:13:40.480,0:13:43.600
time

0:13:41.680,0:13:46.160
for how tough business was and how tough

0:13:43.600,0:13:49.760
it was to make it on your own so so even

0:13:46.160,0:13:52.320
people that are that are uber entitled

0:13:49.760,0:13:54.880
you know and we’re talking somebody who

0:13:52.320,0:13:57.440
you know was millions of dollars

0:13:54.880,0:13:59.279
you know in his bank account

0:13:57.440,0:14:01.199
in one instance

0:13:59.279,0:14:03.519
owned a company owned a multi-million

0:14:01.199,0:14:05.199
dollar home owned a yacht owned all this

0:14:03.519,0:14:07.839
different stuff

0:14:05.199,0:14:10.079
went from that to

0:14:07.839,0:14:12.000
basically nothing and he’s you know

0:14:10.079,0:14:13.519
owing money to the irs and stuff like

0:14:12.000,0:14:16.399
that

0:14:13.519,0:14:18.000
even people that are that entitled can

0:14:16.399,0:14:21.199
come around and start to get an

0:14:18.000,0:14:22.639
appreciation and and work through that

0:14:21.199,0:14:24.079
entitlement

0:14:22.639,0:14:25.519
so let’s take a little break and we’re

0:14:24.079,0:14:26.959
going to come back and look at what some

0:14:25.519,0:14:29.199
of the signs are

0:14:26.959,0:14:30.959
in teenagers that are entitled

0:14:29.199,0:14:33.360
and we’ll start looking at how we can

0:14:30.959,0:14:34.970
deal with this entitlement mentality

0:14:33.360,0:14:43.279
we’ll be right

0:14:34.970,0:14:46.320
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0:15:40.310,0:15:47.120
[Music]

0:15:45.279,0:15:49.199
welcome back to insights into teens

0:15:47.120,0:15:50.560
today we’re talking about teens and

0:15:49.199,0:15:52.800
entitlement

0:15:50.560,0:15:54.560
and now we’re going to be talking about

0:15:52.800,0:15:55.759
what are the signs of an entitled

0:15:54.560,0:15:57.440
teenager

0:15:55.759,0:16:00.240
and this research comes from

0:15:57.440,0:16:02.320
finallyfamilyhomes.org

0:16:00.240,0:16:05.040
and it says an entitled teenager is

0:16:02.320,0:16:07.279
confused about what’s deserved what’s

0:16:05.040,0:16:09.120
earned and what’s a gift

0:16:07.279,0:16:11.120
they’re unwilling to help others or

0:16:09.120,0:16:12.320
accept personal responsibility for

0:16:11.120,0:16:14.560
themselves

0:16:12.320,0:16:16.720
entitled teens have high demands for

0:16:14.560,0:16:18.880
everyone but themselves

0:16:16.720,0:16:21.839
entitlement is a feeling your child may

0:16:18.880,0:16:23.759
have but it’s very unlikely for them to

0:16:21.839,0:16:26.000
express it directly

0:16:23.759,0:16:28.800
therefore it’s up to you to determine if

0:16:26.000,0:16:30.720
your teen has a sense of entitlement

0:16:28.800,0:16:33.279
here are five signs that may indicate

0:16:30.720,0:16:35.680
you have an entitled child so the first

0:16:33.279,0:16:36.959
sign we have is they can’t handle being

0:16:35.680,0:16:39.600
told no

0:16:36.959,0:16:42.240
they melt down pout or put up a battle

0:16:39.600,0:16:44.800
every time you turn down a request an

0:16:42.240,0:16:46.000
immediate yes is the only way to avoid a

0:16:44.800,0:16:48.639
battle

0:16:46.000,0:16:51.759
they also show no signs of sincere

0:16:48.639,0:16:54.160
gratitude again something that we don’t

0:16:51.759,0:16:55.920
have with you fortunately

0:16:54.160,0:16:58.079
why should they be grateful for what

0:16:55.920,0:17:00.240
they believe they’re owed

0:16:58.079,0:17:01.759
you’re lucky to usually hear a forced

0:17:00.240,0:17:02.880
thanks from them when you give them

0:17:01.759,0:17:05.760
something

0:17:02.880,0:17:07.360
an ungrateful teen is a sign of an

0:17:05.760,0:17:09.360
entitled team

0:17:07.360,0:17:12.240
they may also have a long list of

0:17:09.360,0:17:14.480
never-ending demands if you don’t expect

0:17:12.240,0:17:17.520
to walk through store without being

0:17:14.480,0:17:20.400
barraged with demands or for nearly

0:17:17.520,0:17:22.559
everything you walk by you probably have

0:17:20.400,0:17:25.679
an entitled teenager

0:17:22.559,0:17:27.919
they also have a no can do attitude

0:17:25.679,0:17:29.039
make their own sandwich or lunch for

0:17:27.919,0:17:31.039
themselves

0:17:29.039,0:17:34.799
pick up their laundry or trash on their

0:17:31.039,0:17:38.480
floor that’s too much to ask for them

0:17:34.799,0:17:38.480
another behavior that can be

0:17:40.480,0:17:44.559
another behavior can be that they’re

0:17:42.559,0:17:47.520
constantly comparing

0:17:44.559,0:17:49.760
it always seems to be not fair for them

0:17:47.520,0:17:51.520
they’re not afraid to ask for the best

0:17:49.760,0:17:53.840
and the first

0:17:51.520,0:17:55.120
if three or more of these sound like

0:17:53.840,0:17:56.960
your child

0:17:55.120,0:17:58.240
you’re probably dealing with an entitled

0:17:56.960,0:18:01.039
teenager

0:17:58.240,0:18:03.600
being entitled will not serve them or

0:18:01.039,0:18:06.799
you well so it’s important to help your

0:18:03.600,0:18:09.280
child grow out of this attitude

0:18:06.799,0:18:12.000
so now we can look at how to fix

0:18:09.280,0:18:14.320
entitled behavior the first step towards

0:18:12.000,0:18:16.240
successfully fighting entitlement is

0:18:14.320,0:18:17.360
looking into what may be driving the

0:18:16.240,0:18:20.080
behavior

0:18:17.360,0:18:22.640
usually there is some misinformation or

0:18:20.080,0:18:24.799
false beliefs driving their feelings

0:18:22.640,0:18:26.160
that are feeding the entitled attitudes

0:18:24.799,0:18:28.080
and behaviors

0:18:26.160,0:18:30.559
in addition the teenagers are

0:18:28.080,0:18:32.720
developmentally inclined to be more

0:18:30.559,0:18:35.120
wrapped up in themselves

0:18:32.720,0:18:36.960
as far as false beliefs go

0:18:35.120,0:18:39.200
it could be that they have

0:18:36.960,0:18:40.960
bought into the message that their value

0:18:39.200,0:18:42.559
is based on what they own or how they

0:18:40.960,0:18:44.799
look

0:18:42.559,0:18:47.120
if your sense of personal wealth or your

0:18:44.799,0:18:49.280
personal worth is on the line

0:18:47.120,0:18:51.760
non-essentials can start to look very

0:18:49.280,0:18:53.600
essential those hundred dollar genes

0:18:51.760,0:18:55.919
aren’t just expensive

0:18:53.600,0:18:58.799
getting them becomes tied to how loved

0:18:55.919,0:19:01.440
and lovable you believe you are

0:18:58.799,0:19:04.799
feeling equipped or unable to get what

0:19:01.440,0:19:06.160
you want or need can drive entitled

0:19:04.799,0:19:08.799
behavior

0:19:06.160,0:19:11.039
if you think that the only way you can

0:19:08.799,0:19:13.200
get those genes is to demand them that’s

0:19:11.039,0:19:15.200
what you’re going to do

0:19:13.200,0:19:17.440
developmentally the science shows that

0:19:15.200,0:19:19.919
teenage brains begin to revolve more

0:19:17.440,0:19:22.400
intensely around self as they begin

0:19:19.919,0:19:25.280
preparing for independence

0:19:22.400,0:19:27.440
consequently teens need extra help

0:19:25.280,0:19:29.440
during this time to think about others

0:19:27.440,0:19:31.919
and to empathize

0:19:29.440,0:19:34.160
chances are that they’re not thinking

0:19:31.919,0:19:35.919
about how much work or money someone

0:19:34.160,0:19:37.200
else spent to give them something which

0:19:35.919,0:19:39.440
is something that

0:19:37.200,0:19:41.840
that we had already kind of addressed

0:19:39.440,0:19:45.760
uh in the previous segment there

0:19:41.840,0:19:48.240
so let me ask you do you tie your

0:19:45.760,0:19:50.320
self-worth to any kind of personal or

0:19:48.240,0:19:52.799
materialistic possessions

0:19:50.320,0:19:55.360
not really i normally try tying my

0:19:52.799,0:19:58.320
self-worth more or less to my

0:19:55.360,0:20:01.120
good-hearted nature or some

0:19:58.320,0:20:03.679
of or my intelligence or some of my

0:20:01.120,0:20:05.919
hobbies and stuff like that more or less

0:20:03.679,0:20:08.320
the things i feel that actually make up

0:20:05.919,0:20:09.520
who i am rather than material

0:20:08.320,0:20:11.600
possessions

0:20:09.520,0:20:12.799
and i think you’re absolutely right you

0:20:11.600,0:20:14.799
do you

0:20:12.799,0:20:17.600
you make it more about who you are and

0:20:14.799,0:20:20.240
what you can offer to other people

0:20:17.600,0:20:22.080
than about what you have and what people

0:20:20.240,0:20:23.919
can offer to you

0:20:22.080,0:20:26.640
so let’s go down the five signs real

0:20:23.919,0:20:28.559
quick and just see if you exhibit any of

0:20:26.640,0:20:31.120
these just as a

0:20:28.559,0:20:32.720
interesting mental exercise

0:20:31.120,0:20:34.880
so the

0:20:32.720,0:20:36.720
being told no they can’t handle being

0:20:34.880,0:20:38.480
told no

0:20:36.720,0:20:40.240
is that something that bothers you is

0:20:38.480,0:20:41.679
that something that you have difficulty

0:20:40.240,0:20:44.720
accepting

0:20:41.679,0:20:47.679
not really for the most part um yeah i

0:20:44.720,0:20:49.679
can kind of feel a bit upset if like i’m

0:20:47.679,0:20:52.000
being told no but it’s not like i’ll

0:20:49.679,0:20:53.360
like break out screaming at you guys

0:20:52.000,0:20:55.360
i’ll be like

0:20:53.360,0:20:57.600
oh all right and then i’ll kind of just

0:20:55.360,0:21:00.400
walk away from it right

0:20:57.600,0:21:01.520
how about sincere gratitude are you

0:21:00.400,0:21:03.440
actually

0:21:01.520,0:21:05.679
grateful when people do something for

0:21:03.440,0:21:07.840
you or give you something like

0:21:05.679,0:21:10.080
like for instance uh

0:21:07.840,0:21:13.120
gmod is a great example of this

0:21:10.080,0:21:15.360
gma made the the big blanket for you and

0:21:13.120,0:21:17.039
she spent hours and hours putting this

0:21:15.360,0:21:18.559
thing together and doing the pattern and

0:21:17.039,0:21:21.280
all that stuff

0:21:18.559,0:21:23.919
how did that make you feel honestly i

0:21:21.280,0:21:26.080
loved it i love the fact that she put so

0:21:23.919,0:21:26.880
much time into it

0:21:26.080,0:21:28.880
and

0:21:26.880,0:21:30.720
honestly it makes it so much better when

0:21:28.880,0:21:33.760
i sleep with it because i know that it

0:21:30.720,0:21:35.840
was made with care and honestly i really

0:21:33.760,0:21:37.679
love the design of it as well yeah it’s

0:21:35.840,0:21:39.600
almost like when you sleep with it that

0:21:37.679,0:21:41.520
you know gma’s giving you a hug every

0:21:39.600,0:21:42.480
time you you curl up with it you know

0:21:41.520,0:21:44.480
yeah

0:21:42.480,0:21:47.360
so a long list of never-ending demands

0:21:44.480,0:21:48.400
how demanding do you think you are

0:21:47.360,0:21:51.520
um

0:21:48.400,0:21:52.880
not really you’re not at all

0:21:51.520,0:21:56.000
yeah like the

0:21:52.880,0:21:59.200
few times i actually like would want

0:21:56.000,0:22:01.600
something i like it takes me a f it

0:21:59.200,0:22:04.240
takes me a while to like come up and

0:22:01.600,0:22:05.679
like i’m normally like very quiet about

0:22:04.240,0:22:06.559
it like

0:22:05.679,0:22:08.720
hey

0:22:06.559,0:22:10.240
daddy

0:22:08.720,0:22:11.440
um

0:22:10.240,0:22:16.080
so

0:22:11.440,0:22:17.440
i was thinking about something

0:22:16.080,0:22:19.120
right and like

0:22:17.440,0:22:21.679
like when you want to get a new add-on

0:22:19.120,0:22:23.039
for the sims one of one of your your

0:22:21.679,0:22:25.840
passions

0:22:23.039,0:22:28.159
and you’re paying for it which is the

0:22:25.840,0:22:29.919
ultimate irony here you’re paying for it

0:22:28.159,0:22:31.120
yourself with your own money that you

0:22:29.919,0:22:32.559
earned

0:22:31.120,0:22:34.080
i just have to buy it for you because

0:22:32.559,0:22:35.360
you don’t have purchase rates on your

0:22:34.080,0:22:37.840
account

0:22:35.360,0:22:39.600
you come to me and you’re all shy and my

0:22:37.840,0:22:41.760
response is what’s the ask what do you

0:22:39.600,0:22:43.360
want just tell me what you want

0:22:41.760,0:22:46.720
and you’re like oh well i want to buy

0:22:43.360,0:22:49.360
this all right here it’s done have fun

0:22:46.720,0:22:51.360
so no you’re not demanding at all you

0:22:49.360,0:22:53.840
know you don’t demand

0:22:51.360,0:22:55.919
you know to go shopping you don’t demand

0:22:53.840,0:22:57.120
clothes you don’t demand any of the

0:22:55.919,0:22:58.640
things

0:22:57.120,0:23:00.720
that

0:22:58.640,0:23:02.640
you know when

0:23:00.720,0:23:04.159
when you were born and i knew i was

0:23:02.640,0:23:06.240
having a daughter

0:23:04.159,0:23:08.559
i was terrified because i didn’t know if

0:23:06.240,0:23:09.679
i’d be able to relate to a daughter and

0:23:08.559,0:23:11.840
i heard

0:23:09.679,0:23:13.280
all horror stories from my friends who

0:23:11.840,0:23:15.120
had girls

0:23:13.280,0:23:16.080
about oh when they get to this age

0:23:15.120,0:23:17.200
they’re going to always want to go

0:23:16.080,0:23:18.720
shopping they’re going to want this

0:23:17.200,0:23:21.039
they’re going to want that

0:23:18.720,0:23:22.640
and i got none of that from you and it

0:23:21.039,0:23:26.000
was almost like

0:23:22.640,0:23:27.919
were they just trying to scare me or

0:23:26.000,0:23:28.960
are you just that different and it’s

0:23:27.919,0:23:31.039
like

0:23:28.960,0:23:33.200
yeah she’s she’s pretty easy to get

0:23:31.039,0:23:34.559
along with at this point

0:23:33.200,0:23:35.919
you know

0:23:34.559,0:23:38.000
so you’ve never had that problem how

0:23:35.919,0:23:40.320
about a no can do attitude that we ask

0:23:38.000,0:23:43.039
you to do something

0:23:40.320,0:23:45.600
do you resist that do you say no not my

0:23:43.039,0:23:48.640
job don’t bother me anything like that

0:23:45.600,0:23:51.840
not really um unless you know i’m in a

0:23:48.640,0:23:53.840
bad mood which never normally am unless

0:23:51.840,0:23:55.840
you know it’s an actual physical thing

0:23:53.840,0:23:58.400
or something happened

0:23:55.840,0:24:00.799
um so i definitely know i normally um

0:23:58.400,0:24:02.640
always do what you guys ask me

0:24:00.799,0:24:05.279
unless i forget

0:24:02.640,0:24:07.279
yes and and giving the given the fact

0:24:05.279,0:24:10.080
that you’re my daughter and i ask you to

0:24:07.279,0:24:10.960
do something and you don’t do it

0:24:10.080,0:24:12.880
i

0:24:10.960,0:24:14.559
i totally understand why you don’t do it

0:24:12.880,0:24:17.039
because you are my daughter

0:24:14.559,0:24:18.880
because i forget what about comparing do

0:24:17.039,0:24:21.360
you compare a lot

0:24:18.880,0:24:23.679
i normally like to try not to

0:24:21.360,0:24:23.679
um

0:24:24.000,0:24:27.120
i never like

0:24:25.520,0:24:28.480
i’ve never really been

0:24:27.120,0:24:30.960
all that much

0:24:28.480,0:24:33.520
into social media and stuff and i never

0:24:30.960,0:24:36.480
like compare like oh

0:24:33.520,0:24:39.039
these kids get this and

0:24:36.480,0:24:41.840
i have to have this like

0:24:39.039,0:24:45.279
the only time i’ve ever done that is

0:24:41.840,0:24:46.799
like with school lunch but like

0:24:45.279,0:24:48.799
am i really gonna complain about

0:24:46.799,0:24:50.880
something that petty

0:24:48.799,0:24:53.039
that’s a very good point and and now i

0:24:50.880,0:24:54.960
think for the most part

0:24:53.039,0:24:56.880
both bobby and i would agree that you

0:24:54.960,0:24:58.799
really are not

0:24:56.880,0:25:00.640
the type of person to compare yourself

0:24:58.799,0:25:02.159
to someone else by

0:25:00.640,0:25:03.440
growing up i had a friend that was like

0:25:02.159,0:25:05.760
that

0:25:03.440,0:25:07.600
and i’ve said many times on this podcast

0:25:05.760,0:25:09.760
that growing up

0:25:07.600,0:25:12.400
my parents did not have

0:25:09.760,0:25:14.000
a lot of money we struggled to put food

0:25:12.400,0:25:16.720
on the table and a roof over our heads

0:25:14.000,0:25:18.960
so i never really got

0:25:16.720,0:25:20.640
toys you know i never got gifts that

0:25:18.960,0:25:22.960
were not associated with a birthday

0:25:20.640,0:25:24.080
party of my birthday or or

0:25:22.960,0:25:26.400
christmas

0:25:24.080,0:25:27.760
so it was kind of a very bare bones type

0:25:26.400,0:25:29.760
of thing

0:25:27.760,0:25:32.159
but it’s funny because when i would get

0:25:29.760,0:25:34.080
something for my birthday

0:25:32.159,0:25:35.840
it was huge to me you know i was

0:25:34.080,0:25:37.760
incredibly grateful for it because i

0:25:35.840,0:25:39.200
knew how difficult it was for my parents

0:25:37.760,0:25:41.039
to provide

0:25:39.200,0:25:43.919
and i had this one friend of mine that

0:25:41.039,0:25:47.200
every time i would get something

0:25:43.919,0:25:50.000
decent that he liked for my birthday

0:25:47.200,0:25:51.440
he’d be the disentitled kid he’d go out

0:25:50.000,0:25:53.679
he’d bug his parents and make his

0:25:51.440,0:25:55.360
parents go out and buy it for him

0:25:53.679,0:25:57.279
and he would either get the same thing

0:25:55.360,0:26:00.159
or he would get one better than me just

0:25:57.279,0:26:02.799
so that he had something better

0:26:00.159,0:26:05.520
and i never really understood

0:26:02.799,0:26:07.679
what that drive was

0:26:05.520,0:26:11.360
um and i think it was because

0:26:07.679,0:26:13.520
coming from the position that i was in

0:26:11.360,0:26:14.400
it was never an option for me

0:26:13.520,0:26:16.080
like

0:26:14.400,0:26:17.520
the fact that i got what i got in the

0:26:16.080,0:26:20.480
first place

0:26:17.520,0:26:22.640
was a huge thing for me

0:26:20.480,0:26:25.919
the fact that i want something better

0:26:22.640,0:26:28.000
than somebody else just never really

0:26:25.919,0:26:29.840
it never computed with me like i never

0:26:28.000,0:26:32.159
really understood it and i still don’t

0:26:29.840,0:26:33.760
even even after doing this research

0:26:32.159,0:26:35.360
but i’ve run into that type of thing in

0:26:33.760,0:26:37.200
the past where he would compare himself

0:26:35.360,0:26:38.720
to me which i thought was hilarious

0:26:37.200,0:26:40.799
because

0:26:38.720,0:26:42.159
we were paupers compared to him and his

0:26:40.799,0:26:44.400
parents

0:26:42.159,0:26:46.799
and i’m like why would you compare your

0:26:44.400,0:26:49.039
self to me like i don’t i don’t the

0:26:46.799,0:26:51.200
funny thing was like

0:26:49.039,0:26:52.880
with the exception of my dad i had the

0:26:51.200,0:26:54.640
relationship that i had with my mom was

0:26:52.880,0:26:56.480
fantastic and

0:26:54.640,0:26:58.559
his parents almost

0:26:56.480,0:27:00.799
bought him stuff so they didn’t have to

0:26:58.559,0:27:03.600
deal with him

0:27:00.799,0:27:06.000
and i think he was almost jealous of how

0:27:03.600,0:27:08.480
close i was to my mom because he’d never

0:27:06.000,0:27:11.200
had that with either of his parents

0:27:08.480,0:27:14.559
i don’t know and speculation you know 30

0:27:11.200,0:27:16.159
40 years ago speculation yeah

0:27:14.559,0:27:18.000
anyway

0:27:16.159,0:27:20.320
so that’s what uh

0:27:18.000,0:27:21.600
what we have for our suggestions on how

0:27:20.320,0:27:22.960
to fix it but we’re going to give you

0:27:21.600,0:27:24.240
three tools we’re going to take another

0:27:22.960,0:27:25.360
quick break

0:27:24.240,0:27:27.760
we’re going to come back and we’re going

0:27:25.360,0:27:32.279
to give you three tools to help battle

0:27:27.760,0:27:32.279
entitlement we’ll be right back

0:27:35.590,0:27:40.640
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0:28:28.320,0:28:34.320
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0:28:31.039,0:28:34.320
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0:28:35.000,0:28:41.919
[Music]

0:28:40.000,0:28:43.600
welcome back to insights into teens

0:28:41.919,0:28:45.520
today we’re talking teens and

0:28:43.600,0:28:48.080
entitlement and now we’re going to be

0:28:45.520,0:28:50.799
talking about three tools for battling

0:28:48.080,0:28:50.799
entitlement

0:28:51.200,0:28:56.240
it seems like entitlement is all around

0:28:53.360,0:28:58.640
us especially among teenagers

0:28:56.240,0:29:01.600
you can’t be complacent if you want your

0:28:58.640,0:29:05.120
teen to break free from entitlement

0:29:01.600,0:29:08.000
it requires effort and intention

0:29:05.120,0:29:10.720
so the first uh tip we have here is

0:29:08.000,0:29:13.520
teacher teen gratitude the number one

0:29:10.720,0:29:16.159
enemy of entitlement is gratitude

0:29:13.520,0:29:19.039
gratitude isn’t just being thankful or

0:29:16.159,0:29:20.960
appreciative but also recognizing the

0:29:19.039,0:29:23.200
effort of the giver

0:29:20.960,0:29:25.600
explicitly teaching your self-focused

0:29:23.200,0:29:29.200
teen how to be grateful will help them

0:29:25.600,0:29:32.240
develop gratitude more quickly and fully

0:29:29.200,0:29:33.840
identify a gift when it comes this means

0:29:32.240,0:29:36.080
being able to tell the difference

0:29:33.840,0:29:38.880
between what’s owed what’s earned and

0:29:36.080,0:29:40.880
what’s given as an act of kindness

0:29:38.880,0:29:43.679
if you didn’t earn it and no one owes

0:29:40.880,0:29:45.840
you it’s a gift

0:29:43.679,0:29:48.000
appreciate what you have this means

0:29:45.840,0:29:49.200
considering the worth and value of what

0:29:48.000,0:29:51.919
is given

0:29:49.200,0:29:54.559
recognize the kindness of the giver

0:29:51.919,0:29:57.279
someone had to work and pay and be

0:29:54.559,0:29:59.760
thoughtful of the recipient

0:29:57.279,0:30:01.679
when give when given the gift see the

0:29:59.760,0:30:03.679
other interesting thing about teaching

0:30:01.679,0:30:07.039
or teen gratitude is not only does it

0:30:03.679,0:30:09.919
help them to get out of this entitlement

0:30:07.039,0:30:12.559
attitude but it also makes the things

0:30:09.919,0:30:14.080
that they get worth more to them

0:30:12.559,0:30:16.000
like if you weren’t

0:30:14.080,0:30:17.520
if you didn’t have gratitude for the

0:30:16.000,0:30:19.840
gifts that you got

0:30:17.520,0:30:22.640
the blanket that gmom made for you would

0:30:19.840,0:30:24.640
just be another article of of linen that

0:30:22.640,0:30:26.880
was in the house it would have no

0:30:24.640,0:30:28.720
intrinsic meaning to you

0:30:26.880,0:30:30.159
it wouldn’t have any sentimental value

0:30:28.720,0:30:32.559
to you it would just it would just be a

0:30:30.159,0:30:34.399
blanket like any other blanket

0:30:32.559,0:30:37.360
but because of the gratitude that you

0:30:34.399,0:30:39.919
have and the appreciation that you have

0:30:37.360,0:30:41.279
it makes that item all the more valuable

0:30:39.919,0:30:44.240
to you

0:30:41.279,0:30:45.840
so the individual who has gratitude for

0:30:44.240,0:30:48.240
what they receive

0:30:45.840,0:30:50.720
increases the benefit of the things that

0:30:48.240,0:30:53.360
that they receive as well which is which

0:30:50.720,0:30:54.720
is another interesting take on it

0:30:53.360,0:30:56.240
the next thing that we have and we’ve

0:30:54.720,0:30:58.960
already kind of touched on it and that

0:30:56.240,0:31:00.320
is the fight comparison

0:30:58.960,0:31:03.360
they say that talk they talk

0:31:00.320,0:31:05.760
specifically about social media

0:31:03.360,0:31:08.159
so they say set time limits and ditch

0:31:05.760,0:31:10.399
social media all together

0:31:08.159,0:31:13.039
help your teens interpret what they’re

0:31:10.399,0:31:15.600
seeing in the media and online

0:31:13.039,0:31:16.799
remind them that all things are meant to

0:31:15.600,0:31:18.720
sell

0:31:16.799,0:31:20.240
even their friend on social media

0:31:18.720,0:31:22.960
selling something

0:31:20.240,0:31:24.799
such as i’ve got it all together or you

0:31:22.960,0:31:27.200
should admire me

0:31:24.799,0:31:29.279
these are all half stories at best but

0:31:27.200,0:31:31.039
most are outright lies

0:31:29.279,0:31:32.640
never compare your teen to others

0:31:31.039,0:31:35.279
yourself

0:31:32.640,0:31:38.000
conversely do remind your teen that

0:31:35.279,0:31:40.240
their value is in who they are

0:31:38.000,0:31:42.559
and not in what they have or how they

0:31:40.240,0:31:44.000
compare to someone else and again this

0:31:42.559,0:31:47.279
is another one that has multiple

0:31:44.000,0:31:48.240
benefits to it if

0:31:47.279,0:31:49.840
you’re

0:31:48.240,0:31:52.480
as valuable

0:31:49.840,0:31:54.080
as you feel yourself

0:31:52.480,0:31:55.760
then it doesn’t matter what personal

0:31:54.080,0:31:56.559
possessions you have

0:31:55.760,0:31:59.760
yeah

0:31:56.559,0:32:02.640
and personal possessions come and go

0:31:59.760,0:32:05.519
you know if this week you’re valuable

0:32:02.640,0:32:06.720
because you have the expensive designer

0:32:05.519,0:32:08.799
jeans

0:32:06.720,0:32:10.159
well what happens next year when those

0:32:08.799,0:32:12.320
jeans are out of style and they’re

0:32:10.159,0:32:14.720
sitting in a drawer somewhere

0:32:12.320,0:32:17.200
do you not feel worthy anymore because

0:32:14.720,0:32:20.159
you’re not wearing those jeans

0:32:17.200,0:32:22.880
like that tying your self-worth to that

0:32:20.159,0:32:24.640
type of thing is kind of kind of silly

0:32:22.880,0:32:27.279
yeah and it’s pretty much downward

0:32:24.640,0:32:30.240
spiral from there right and it’s it

0:32:27.279,0:32:32.320
becomes almost impossible to feed that

0:32:30.240,0:32:35.039
appetite for

0:32:32.320,0:32:37.200
belonging and self-worth

0:32:35.039,0:32:40.320
when you’re attaching it to a

0:32:37.200,0:32:43.279
materialistic type of thing

0:32:40.320,0:32:45.279
if you make yourself

0:32:43.279,0:32:47.279
a better person

0:32:45.279,0:32:48.720
if you’re compassionate if you’re

0:32:47.279,0:32:51.120
empathetic

0:32:48.720,0:32:53.440
if you help people like that’s one of

0:32:51.120,0:32:54.880
the reasons why i enjoy the kind of work

0:32:53.440,0:32:57.760
that i do

0:32:54.880,0:32:59.600
you know i work in in it i have my job

0:32:57.760,0:33:01.519
is to help other people to solve

0:32:59.600,0:33:03.039
problems whether it’s a

0:33:01.519,0:33:04.960
a problem somebody’s having with their

0:33:03.039,0:33:07.760
computer or whether it’s a problem the

0:33:04.960,0:33:10.240
company’s having that needs to be solved

0:33:07.760,0:33:11.519
the ability to solve problems for other

0:33:10.240,0:33:14.159
people

0:33:11.519,0:33:16.640
is self-fulfilling for me

0:33:14.159,0:33:17.760
and it allows me to do that outside of

0:33:16.640,0:33:19.600
work

0:33:17.760,0:33:22.080
you know i tell a lot of people

0:33:19.600,0:33:24.720
i’m very fortunate that my profession

0:33:22.080,0:33:27.519
happens to also be my hobby

0:33:24.720,0:33:29.519
but anybody you know first responders

0:33:27.519,0:33:31.600
doctors nurses

0:33:29.519,0:33:34.960
uh police officers people that are out

0:33:31.600,0:33:37.440
there protecting people and saving lives

0:33:34.960,0:33:39.039
you couldn’t there’s no item that you

0:33:37.440,0:33:40.559
could have in the world that would make

0:33:39.039,0:33:44.559
you

0:33:40.559,0:33:47.279
more feel more valuable than to to

0:33:44.559,0:33:48.080
do something like that you know

0:33:47.279,0:33:50.480
so

0:33:48.080,0:33:53.039
when somebody commits themselves to

0:33:50.480,0:33:55.120
being a better person and making the

0:33:53.039,0:33:57.360
world a better place even

0:33:55.120,0:33:59.679
even in a little bit you know like no

0:33:57.360,0:34:00.880
i’m not going to go out there and

0:33:59.679,0:34:03.840
solve

0:34:00.880,0:34:05.360
world hunger or create world peace or

0:34:03.840,0:34:06.880
anything like that yeah you know i got

0:34:05.360,0:34:09.520
some perspective on life i’m not

0:34:06.880,0:34:11.119
expecting to save the world

0:34:09.520,0:34:13.040
but if i make a person smile today

0:34:11.119,0:34:14.320
because i i crack a joke that makes him

0:34:13.040,0:34:17.040
laugh

0:34:14.320,0:34:19.359
you know or i see a co-worker happens to

0:34:17.040,0:34:21.760
be troubled or down and and i just give

0:34:19.359,0:34:24.320
them a shoulder to lean on or an ear to

0:34:21.760,0:34:26.800
to listen to what their issues are

0:34:24.320,0:34:28.879
and i make them feel better

0:34:26.800,0:34:31.040
then i made my little part of the world

0:34:28.879,0:34:33.520
a little bit better today

0:34:31.040,0:34:35.760
and i think that that means more in the

0:34:33.520,0:34:37.359
grand scheme of things than having that

0:34:35.760,0:34:40.240
designer

0:34:37.359,0:34:43.760
shoe or that new handbag or whatever it

0:34:40.240,0:34:46.000
is that people tend to attach value to

0:34:43.760,0:34:47.679
making people feel better making the

0:34:46.000,0:34:50.800
world better

0:34:47.679,0:34:52.320
makes you more valuable to the world

0:34:50.800,0:34:55.440
and when you feel more valuable to the

0:34:52.320,0:34:57.599
world you feel more valuable to yourself

0:34:55.440,0:34:59.839
what’s something that you do

0:34:57.599,0:35:01.680
that makes you feel

0:34:59.839,0:35:03.359
better about yourself it makes you feel

0:35:01.680,0:35:04.800
more valuable

0:35:03.359,0:35:07.359
um

0:35:04.800,0:35:09.440
let’s see

0:35:07.359,0:35:13.520
i guess the thing that probably

0:35:09.440,0:35:16.880
i’d probably say that i feel makes me

0:35:13.520,0:35:18.720
um valuable as kind of this podcast

0:35:16.880,0:35:22.400
um

0:35:18.720,0:35:25.200
i’m a real teen experiencing real issues

0:35:22.400,0:35:28.000
that teens face and talking about them

0:35:25.200,0:35:29.119
on the podcast i know has been helping

0:35:28.000,0:35:31.200
people

0:35:29.119,0:35:33.920
people have really looked at this

0:35:31.200,0:35:36.720
podcast and have really benefited from

0:35:33.920,0:35:38.720
it and not only was it to help me get

0:35:36.720,0:35:41.040
through my own issues and talk it out

0:35:38.720,0:35:43.200
with you but it was also

0:35:41.040,0:35:45.599
in order to help others and

0:35:43.200,0:35:48.079
so far i think that’s probably one of my

0:35:45.599,0:35:49.680
most valuable attributes and i think i

0:35:48.079,0:35:51.520
would agree i think we’ve gotten

0:35:49.680,0:35:52.720
feedback already i’ve chatted with

0:35:51.520,0:35:55.200
people

0:35:52.720,0:35:57.200
uh on some of our re-broadcast feeds and

0:35:55.200,0:35:59.680
they told me how valuable

0:35:57.200,0:36:01.040
this this podcast has been to them but

0:35:59.680,0:36:02.960
i’m going to give you another example

0:36:01.040,0:36:05.119
that’s that’s

0:36:02.960,0:36:07.440
immediate in my mind

0:36:05.119,0:36:09.839
and that was yesterday so yesterday i

0:36:07.440,0:36:10.960
came home from work and i was agitated

0:36:09.839,0:36:13.040
and i was

0:36:10.960,0:36:15.280
kind of angry and

0:36:13.040,0:36:17.440
worked up and and i was

0:36:15.280,0:36:19.119
recounting what happened at work

0:36:17.440,0:36:20.079
yesterday

0:36:19.119,0:36:22.880
and

0:36:20.079,0:36:24.240
you saw how upset i was

0:36:22.880,0:36:25.280
and what did you do you know what you

0:36:24.240,0:36:27.040
did

0:36:25.280,0:36:29.280
patted you in the shoulder yeah you just

0:36:27.040,0:36:30.560
came over and just that simple gesture

0:36:29.280,0:36:31.920
of

0:36:30.560,0:36:34.400
dad it’s okay

0:36:31.920,0:36:37.520
you’re home now it’s okay

0:36:34.400,0:36:39.200
immediately had a calming effect

0:36:37.520,0:36:41.440
and like

0:36:39.200,0:36:43.839
that meant a lot to me it meant a lot

0:36:41.440,0:36:45.680
that you cared how i felt

0:36:43.839,0:36:48.720
and it meant a lot that you you wanted

0:36:45.680,0:36:51.760
to ease that burden

0:36:48.720,0:36:53.119
and you didn’t have a good day at school

0:36:51.760,0:36:54.640
you know you kind of were dealing with

0:36:53.119,0:36:57.040
your own problems

0:36:54.640,0:36:58.800
and it was one of those

0:36:57.040,0:37:01.040
you know what i can help here i can do

0:36:58.800,0:37:03.040
something i can i can relieve that

0:37:01.040,0:37:04.960
burden and it did

0:37:03.040,0:37:06.640
and when you can have that effect on

0:37:04.960,0:37:08.640
other people with a simple gesture of

0:37:06.640,0:37:10.079
just coming over and patting somebody on

0:37:08.640,0:37:11.920
the shoulder and letting them know it’s

0:37:10.079,0:37:13.680
you know it’s okay you know you’re home

0:37:11.920,0:37:15.359
now everything’s all right don’t worry

0:37:13.680,0:37:16.800
about it

0:37:15.359,0:37:19.280
doing that

0:37:16.800,0:37:21.280
makes you a better person

0:37:19.280,0:37:22.880
you made your corner of the world a

0:37:21.280,0:37:24.000
little bit better yesterday by doing

0:37:22.880,0:37:26.480
that

0:37:24.000,0:37:28.160
and that means a lot

0:37:26.480,0:37:31.680
what else did we have

0:37:28.160,0:37:32.480
um the last tip we have is empower them

0:37:31.680,0:37:34.480
to

0:37:32.480,0:37:35.680
get things for themselves

0:37:34.480,0:37:37.280
does your teen struggle with

0:37:35.680,0:37:38.800
understanding that getting things

0:37:37.280,0:37:40.560
requires effort

0:37:38.800,0:37:41.760
let them work for it and find out for

0:37:40.560,0:37:43.680
themselves

0:37:41.760,0:37:44.960
entitlement can be a tough attitude to

0:37:43.680,0:37:47.040
turn around

0:37:44.960,0:37:50.079
until their brains develop more fully

0:37:47.040,0:37:52.079
expect to continue to battle entitlement

0:37:50.079,0:37:53.359
nevertheless try to be patient with your

0:37:52.079,0:37:55.119
teenager

0:37:53.359,0:37:57.200
it’s also important that you should be

0:37:55.119,0:37:59.599
patient with yourself

0:37:57.200,0:38:01.440
entitlement entitlement can be hard to

0:37:59.599,0:38:03.760
stomach in and of itself

0:38:01.440,0:38:05.839
and it takes effort to steer that ship

0:38:03.760,0:38:07.280
in the right direction

0:38:05.839,0:38:09.200
you’re bound to make mistakes as you

0:38:07.280,0:38:10.400
navigate how to deal with an entitled

0:38:09.200,0:38:12.079
team

0:38:10.400,0:38:14.720
if you make mistakes

0:38:12.079,0:38:16.480
try fixing them but keep working on it

0:38:14.720,0:38:20.560
it’s worth the effort

0:38:16.480,0:38:22.800
and i think i can honestly say

0:38:20.560,0:38:24.560
that mommy and i kind of have steered

0:38:22.800,0:38:26.560
the ship pretty well with you i think we

0:38:24.560,0:38:28.079
don’t have an entitlement issue with you

0:38:26.560,0:38:30.960
what’s your

0:38:28.079,0:38:32.400
overall conclusion of your entitlement

0:38:30.960,0:38:34.720
level

0:38:32.400,0:38:36.000
given all we’ve talked about today

0:38:34.720,0:38:38.320
honestly

0:38:36.000,0:38:41.200
pretty low

0:38:38.320,0:38:43.760
i’m very grateful for everything i’ve

0:38:41.200,0:38:46.320
been given i’ve never felt that i’ve

0:38:43.760,0:38:48.720
been entirely owed something and even

0:38:46.320,0:38:51.920
when i kind of want to get something i’m

0:38:48.720,0:38:55.119
never really demanding of it and i think

0:38:51.920,0:38:57.520
the other important thing to note is

0:38:55.119,0:39:00.000
we don’t give you things

0:38:57.520,0:39:02.000
we give you opportunities

0:39:00.000,0:39:03.839
and it’s up to you to choose whether or

0:39:02.000,0:39:06.400
not you want to take advantage of those

0:39:03.839,0:39:07.599
opportunities to obtain the things that

0:39:06.400,0:39:09.680
you want

0:39:07.599,0:39:11.280
so there is no sense of entitlement that

0:39:09.680,0:39:13.839
we get from you

0:39:11.280,0:39:16.000
you can either do your chores or not to

0:39:13.839,0:39:17.040
your chores there’s no pressure either

0:39:16.000,0:39:18.480
way

0:39:17.040,0:39:19.920
if you do them

0:39:18.480,0:39:21.920
there’s a benefit

0:39:19.920,0:39:23.680
if you don’t do them there’s no benefit

0:39:21.920,0:39:26.079
and there are weeks

0:39:23.680,0:39:28.079
you know that you’ve not done them you

0:39:26.079,0:39:30.480
didn’t feel good we were too busy you

0:39:28.079,0:39:32.480
had too much stuff going on

0:39:30.480,0:39:34.320
and it’s fine if you don’t do them

0:39:32.480,0:39:36.160
but you also want to accept the fact

0:39:34.320,0:39:38.160
that you don’t get that benefit when you

0:39:36.160,0:39:40.240
don’t

0:39:38.160,0:39:42.960
and because of that

0:39:40.240,0:39:44.720
mommy and daddy don’t have any issue

0:39:42.960,0:39:46.079
giving you things above and beyond

0:39:44.720,0:39:48.640
because

0:39:46.079,0:39:51.760
you do go above and beyond

0:39:48.640,0:39:54.000
we don’t ask a lot of you

0:39:51.760,0:39:55.200
but you give far more than we ask i

0:39:54.000,0:39:57.839
think

0:39:55.200,0:40:00.160
and because of that you i think you

0:39:57.839,0:40:02.640
should be rewarded for it

0:40:00.160,0:40:04.079
and a lot of times you are what happened

0:40:02.640,0:40:06.160
you know you were

0:40:04.079,0:40:07.839
at band practice over the weekend what

0:40:06.160,0:40:10.240
what did mommy and daddy do

0:40:07.839,0:40:12.480
you pretty much redesigned my room yeah

0:40:10.240,0:40:14.400
mommy went in there and she was cleaning

0:40:12.480,0:40:16.640
it up she was putting your clothes away

0:40:14.400,0:40:18.720
she swept up the floor

0:40:16.640,0:40:20.079
and we came up with the idea we had

0:40:18.720,0:40:22.079
shelves that we were gonna put up for

0:40:20.079,0:40:24.079
you all right let’s put the shells up

0:40:22.079,0:40:26.400
let’s redo the room here let’s move

0:40:24.079,0:40:28.160
because you have a whole lot of uh lego

0:40:26.400,0:40:29.680
models that you have

0:40:28.160,0:40:31.359
let’s put them up on the shell let’s

0:40:29.680,0:40:33.839
clear some space off here let’s give her

0:40:31.359,0:40:35.440
a little little nicer working area here

0:40:33.839,0:40:36.880
so it can be a little light

0:40:35.440,0:40:38.880
it’s little things like that it didn’t

0:40:36.880,0:40:39.760
cost us a dime to do any of that it

0:40:38.880,0:40:42.400
wasn’t

0:40:39.760,0:40:43.440
it wasn’t that we spent money on you

0:40:42.400,0:40:44.720
it was

0:40:43.440,0:40:47.040
time

0:40:44.720,0:40:49.119
and it was effort and it was love that

0:40:47.040,0:40:51.280
we spent on you

0:40:49.119,0:40:55.440
and you were incredibly appreciative of

0:40:51.280,0:40:56.880
it and that’s rewarding to us as well

0:40:55.440,0:40:58.560
you know it wasn’t just you gotta

0:40:56.880,0:41:00.400
benefit from them i mean daddy got the

0:40:58.560,0:41:01.920
benefit to see that smile on your face

0:41:00.400,0:41:04.000
to see that reaction you had when you

0:41:01.920,0:41:07.040
walked in your room

0:41:04.000,0:41:09.280
that’s something that pays off in

0:41:07.040,0:41:10.560
dividends for us

0:41:09.280,0:41:13.520
so

0:41:10.560,0:41:15.119
not being entitled and trying to be a

0:41:13.520,0:41:17.839
good person

0:41:15.119,0:41:20.240
has its own benefits to it

0:41:17.839,0:41:22.240
and i think we all experienced that this

0:41:20.240,0:41:24.880
week

0:41:22.240,0:41:26.960
so i think that was all we had uh we’re

0:41:24.880,0:41:29.599
going to take a quick break

0:41:26.960,0:41:30.960
we’ll come back we’ll get your closing

0:41:29.599,0:41:33.200
thoughts

0:41:30.960,0:41:35.599
and we’ll finish up the rest of the

0:41:33.200,0:41:36.970
business of the podcast alrighty we’ll

0:41:35.599,0:41:41.520
be right back

0:41:36.970,0:41:44.079
[Music]

0:41:41.520,0:41:47.200
go over your closing remarks alrighty so

0:41:44.079,0:41:50.079
if there is anyone out there that has to

0:41:47.200,0:41:51.440
experience being around an entitled teen

0:41:50.079,0:41:54.000
or

0:41:51.440,0:41:56.160
you know just entitlement in general

0:41:54.000,0:41:57.040
just know that it takes time to get over

0:41:56.160,0:41:59.200
it

0:41:57.040,0:42:01.280
you can at least help your teen in order

0:41:59.200,0:42:04.240
to help them learn the value of hard

0:42:01.280,0:42:06.480
work and the value of gratitude

0:42:04.240,0:42:09.760
and simply having

0:42:06.480,0:42:12.400
um an unentitled nature and just being

0:42:09.760,0:42:15.119
extremely grateful for everything

0:42:12.400,0:42:16.480
has many benefits and

0:42:15.119,0:42:18.720
no matter what

0:42:16.480,0:42:20.720
it’s always worth the effort no matter

0:42:18.720,0:42:23.520
how much you have to put in

0:42:20.720,0:42:27.200
okay very well said

0:42:23.520,0:42:28.800
sage advice and knowledge as always

0:42:27.200,0:42:30.880
before i do want to move on i do want to

0:42:28.800,0:42:34.000
acknowledge we’re broadcasting live for

0:42:30.880,0:42:36.160
the first time on our new podbean

0:42:34.000,0:42:37.280
account and we do have one listener in

0:42:36.160,0:42:39.280
the

0:42:37.280,0:42:40.960
chat room now i hope you can hear us i

0:42:39.280,0:42:43.520
don’t know if it actually works we did

0:42:40.960,0:42:45.760
get hello thank you for that

0:42:43.520,0:42:47.599
i assume that’s going to confirm that we

0:42:45.760,0:42:49.520
are actually being heard out there this

0:42:47.599,0:42:51.119
was kind of our first test of this one

0:42:49.520,0:42:54.319
today

0:42:51.119,0:42:57.920
before we do go i do want to once again

0:42:54.319,0:43:00.000
invite our audio and video

0:42:57.920,0:43:03.599
audience out there to subscribe to the

0:43:00.000,0:43:06.160
podcast you can find us listed as

0:43:03.599,0:43:08.240
insights into teens for our audio

0:43:06.160,0:43:10.880
version or insights into things for our

0:43:08.240,0:43:12.960
video version of the podcast

0:43:10.880,0:43:14.480
we’re listed on apple podcast spotify

0:43:12.960,0:43:16.560
google stitcher

0:43:14.480,0:43:17.839
i heart radio any place you can find a

0:43:16.560,0:43:19.520
podcast

0:43:17.839,0:43:21.280
i would also invite you to give us your

0:43:19.520,0:43:22.720
feedback we’re always looking for

0:43:21.280,0:43:24.319
suggestions for

0:43:22.720,0:43:26.079
show topics

0:43:24.319,0:43:27.680
you can email us at comments at

0:43:26.079,0:43:28.880
insightsintothings.com

0:43:27.680,0:43:31.359
[Music]

0:43:28.880,0:43:34.480
we are also on twitter at insights into

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another one in the books bye everyone

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bye

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[Music]

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do

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you

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