Insights Into Teens: Episode 35 “Responsibilities”

We’re talking teen responsibility this week. We learn how gradually increased responsibilities help our teens grow and mature and prepare for life in the real world. We’ll look at some of the most common forms of responsibilities that teens face in their formative years and talk about ways to help manage those responsibilities in order to ensure success.

In a rare treat our live streaming audience joins us in an interactive episode and help lend their own perspective to the topic at hand.

Insights Into Teens

Transcription

Speaker 1: 00:01 Insightful podcast by informative sites, a podcast network.

Speaker 2: 00:26 .

Speaker 3: 00:26 Welcome to insights into teens, a podcast series, exploring the issues and challenges of today’s youth. Your hosts are Joseph and Madison, Whalen, a father and daughter team making their way through the challenges of the teenage years.

Speaker 2: 00:50

Speaker 4: 00:51 Welcome to insights into teens. This is episode 35 responsibilities. I’m your host, Joseph Waylon and my brilliant and beautiful cohost, Madison Wayland. Hello, how are you doing today, Maddie? So we’re recording kind of a little off schedule today. We normally record Saturday mornings, but we were a little energetic and decided to record Friday nights. Yeah. So this week we’re talking about responsibility. I’m going to kinda try and couch that as responsibility from the perspective of a team. Awesome. But I think it’s important to touch on responsibility in general. And some of the things that we’re going to talk about here range in age as far as teenagers go. So some of the stuff you’re probably gonna find, you’re not going to be responsible for just champ, but it’s stuff to look forward to. So it’s kind of a good thing to get a handle on it ahead of time. Awesome. So shall we get into it?

Speaker 4: 02:00 So what is responsibility? So we’re going to define it as during the teen years, children’s needs for responsibility and autonomy get stronger. It’s an important part of their path to young adulthood to become capable adults. Teenagers need to learn to make good decisions on their own. The process of helping children take responsibility and make decisions is a key task for parents. You have an important role in training and supporting your child to be ready for more responsibility. This means you need to plan when and in what areas. You let your child start making decisions, how quickly you hand over responsibility to your child is up to you. It depends on things like your own comfort level, your family and cultural traditions and your child’s maturity. Ideally, you and your child should both feel comfortable with the shift of responsibility and the pace of change too much or too soon might leave you both feeling overwhelmed, too little or too slow might end up with your child feeling impatient and rebellious.

Speaker 4: 03:15 So that’s kind of the definition. And I think the biggest takeaway of that definition is it’s really not just on the teen, it’s on the parents as well. Yeah. And I, I think we keep a decent pace with you and giving you additional responsibilities. So yeah. I don’t think we forced too much on what you’re doing and I think you are progressively reaching out for more and more responsibilities. Case in point, your desire to learn how to cook. So that’s a huge responsibility. You know, it’s, it’s food handling, it’s learning new skills, it’s working in what could potentially be a dangerous environment with, you know, the stove and stuff like that. And it’s working with utensils that could be dangerous. So there’s a lot of responsibility involved in that. And and I think you’ve done a very good job with it so far.

Speaker 4: 04:18 But there’s a lot of other things that we’re going to talk about here, but I think the important takeaway from the definition is that responsibility is something that parents have to work with their children with. There, there are certain certain circumstances where you don’t have the option and responsibilities kind of thrust on you, especially in the event of a, a death of a parent or you know, a single parent household because of a divorce or something like that where sometimes the kids have to take on more responsibility. So you don’t have the luxury of a gradual transition, but we’ll talk more about that stuff. But I understand where we’re coming from with responsibility right now. Yep. All right. So let’s talk about the top 10 responsibilities of teens.

Speaker 4: 05:17 So, and again, I said, you know, in the beginning that these go across the gamut of ages. So the first one that they have here is scholarship. So you’re not in the process of trying to secure funding for college right now, but you will be at some point in the future, I’m sure. Yeah. So it says in the eyes of many parents bringing home good grades is the number one responsibility of a team from the hours teens clock at school each day to afterschool homework after school, homework time. Teens have a responsibility to build their brains. And mentally prepare for later in life successes. So in this case, from a scholarship standpoint, they’re talking about your academic achievements. So your number one responsibility is your academics. Is that something you would agree with? What are your thoughts on that?

Speaker 5: 06:12 Well, I would definitely say it’s a very important responsibility. Like your academics is basically all depended on you whether you choose to learn or not. If you choose to learn, the academics will go up. And with wanting to have good academics comes great responsibility. Learning how to like learning how to manage time with homework. Like we did with our managing time podcast, we talked about how to manage time while doing homework. Oh. And with that being said, that is a responsibility you need to take along with studying for tests. If you study for tests, you’re guaranteed to get a higher grade. And if you don’t do any of those responsibilities you can, you’re probably going to get low academics along with pretty low grades in on your report card. So basically your academics are basically all responded on newspaper responsibility of doing your homework, studying for your test, making sure you understand the material. And yeah, I would say that’s one of the major responsibilities for teens because everyone goes through that. Some responsibilities, some teams don’t even go through, but then, but academic standpoints are basically what every teen goes.

Speaker 4: 07:40 Right. And so that’s a very good point. And, and it’s more than just getting good grades, studying and getting good grades. You need to make sure you’re handing in assignments on time. You need to make sure you’re completing your assignments. You need to make sure you know down to the basics that you’re getting up in time to get to school. If you show up to school late or if you wind up showing up to your classes late. So even in school, there’s a lot of personal responsibility that you take. And, and you know, you just moved into middle school this year and you are now in, you have your day broken up by periods now. So now you have a responsibility as a student to get from class to class. In a certain amount of time and be prepared for that class. So this is preparing you to move on to high school and eventually college shows a gradual progression of responsibilities just in your day to day duties.

Speaker 4: 08:39 So the next thing that they talk about is chores. So though you likely won’t slide a rent bill under your teen’s bedroom door, you should make her do something to pay back for the roof. You’re putting over her head. Your team has a responsibility to contribute to the household by completing chores, doing her share household tasks will teach her responsibility and free up some leisure time for you. Now, you do chores now, don’t you? Yup. But your chores are not your way of, as this example gives, paying back towards the household or contributing to the household. You get paid for your chores. Yeah. and I’ll be honest with you, when I was a kid your age, I didn’t get paid for my chores. It was kind of expected that you were going to do what you could to contribute to the household, whether you were going to lighten the burden of your parents, where the you were going to improve conditions around the house, you know, alleviate and expense, you know, by doing the, cutting the grass instead of having it cut or whatever. So the situation that you have I think is a little bit unique cause the chores that you do now as you clean the basement which involves what, tell us about what your chores involved.

Speaker 5: 10:06 Okay. So what my chores involve is taking out the trash, vacuuming the basement, doing the laundry and cleaning the downstairs bathroom.

Speaker 4: 10:19 Now, aside from doing the laundry, which is, you know, by its nature, a several hour long process just because how long it takes, how long do the, your chores, your and you doing once a week. Right? Yeah. And how long do your chores typically take you to do?

Speaker 5: 10:35 Well? the typically take me about 20 to 25 minutes. Okay. exceptional laundry of course. Right.

Speaker 4: 10:45 So the laundry is a matter of just staying on top of it throughout the weekend and making sure it’s flipped in and done. Yeah. So for 20 minutes a week, do you think your chores are overly burdensome to you?

Speaker 5: 10:57 No, I’ve actually been doing them for a while now. Of course when I started they were a bit hard, but now it’s basically just second nature.

Speaker 4: 11:06 Right. And you know, we’ve talked about your cooking, so you’ve taken on another chore with Alec reward so that that chore is entirely on you.

Speaker 5: 11:16 I mean, to be honest, the rod is basically knowing that I was actually able to cook at a decent meal for you guys. And even you guys complimenting me on, it just makes my day.

Speaker 4: 11:27 It’s satisfactory when, when people enjoy the benefits of your labor, isn’t it? Like seriously they like, that’s one of the things that I love about the job that I do is I get to help people all the time. And yeah, sometimes it’s, it can be a bit of a pain helping people cause sometimes they’re not very cooperative or it’s frustrating. But ultimately at the end of the day I’m making things better. And for you, at the end of the day, you make a good meal. Mommy and daddy sit down. We enjoy it. We have a good conversation and we let you know that you did a good job. And there’s, that’s where that pride comes from in taking personal responsibility and being successful with it. So the next thing that they talk about is employment, which we pay you for your chores, but that’s really not a job.

Speaker 4: 12:20 Yeah. So while some teams choose to go John free through their teen years, taking it on a job is a great way to get a taste of the real world. It’s wise to make your teen obtain part time employment. If he or she only works a small number of hours each week, this job will give them the opportunity to dip their toes into the world of work. This will also allow your teen some extra spending money. Now, right now you’re not working. You’re too young to work at this point in time. I think New Jersey, I think you need to be 15 or 16 to get working papers in Jersey. And then there’s restrictions on, on what you can do. But you do make a few dollars with the chores that you do. And I notice when we do go shopping to the mall or to a toy show or something like that, you’re very selective in how you spend your money. Why is that?

Speaker 5: 13:22 I mean I, I feel like I second guess myself. Like I always think, am I really gonna use this or do I really want this? Cause you know, you don’t want to waste your money on a bunch of random junk. I know that’s how some people live and it’s a pretty unhealthy habit and I’m definitely pretty sure I am not going to be doing that anytime soon. I literally have to look at something and second guess myself. And I know second guessing isn’t a good thing, but in this case I think it actually, here’s a problem. Yeah, it saves me money. So,

Speaker 4: 13:58 So one of the chatters in the chat room just told us at 14 years of age is actually New Jersey labor laws. So, so we will be kicking you out the door shortly to get a job.

Speaker 5: 14:14 Well, I know like once I’m done with my summer camp, mommy kinda wants me to get a summer job

Speaker 4: 14:19 And I think that’s a great job. A great idea. And you can even get a job during summer camp. It’s, you know, eventually,

Speaker 5: 14:27 Yeah, I just need to find out where I’m going to be going

Speaker 4: 14:31 For the a new summer camp.

Speaker 5: 14:33 No, not for a new summary camp, but like, what am I actually gonna be doing for a job?

Speaker 4: 14:38 Well, yeah. You know, probably you wind up getting the same job all teenagers get working in retail or fast food or something like that. But I think the takeaway is the you’re making now, so you’re technically, you’re working now but because you’re doing the efforts or earn that money, it gives you an appreciation for it so you don’t just spend it frivolously. Yeah. And I think that’s really an important thing about employment for teens. Now we’re not going to kick her out. Our chatter is concerned that we’re going to kick you out.

Speaker 4: 15:19 So the next thing that we have on the list is financial planning. Now you don’t do a lot of this, but you do do some of it. We’ll touch on that in a second. What little money in your teen earns through whatever jobs she manages to acquire, we’ll provide her the opportunities to practice sound financial decision making. Your team has a responsibility to manage her own money efficiently. This will necessarily include setting of a bank account and perhaps even starting a savings account in which she can sock away a cash to cover whatever education costs you may have as she moves past high school. So you’re doing this already. So explain to us what financial management you’re doing right now.

Speaker 5: 16:04 Okay, so I don’t really spend money a lot meaning whenever you hand me money, I always keep it where I keep my money. Eventually if I get too much money, I talk with you guys. And I actually have, we set up, mommy set up a bank account for me.

Speaker 4: 16:27 Well, just for the record, we’re not the Rockefeller, so there’s really no such thing as too much money, but we have certain thresholds in which you’ll hold on to it.

Speaker 5: 16:35 Yeah.

Speaker 4: 16:36 And the reason for that is because if you’re holding onto it then it’s not gaining any interest for it.

Speaker 5: 16:40 Exactly. So whenever I seem to have too much money you guys would sit me down and we’d split up the money. Of course I would still have some money with me just for like if I want to, if we were going to a tour show and if I would speak. Because so then you would then mommy would take some money and put it in my bank account and

Speaker 4: 17:07 Right. So mommy set up a savings account for you. So the C muse account and pays an interest rate. So the more money you put in there, the more money you make at the end of the month. Yeah. So since you are just sitting on the money anyway, it made little sense to not, you know, it didn’t make sense not to put it in. Yeah. So now instead of it sitting in your wallet and making nothing for you, now it sits in a bank account and makes a few cents a month. And as we continue to put more and more in, it makes more money for you. So it’s like working without working. So that’s really the first step to financial responsibility.

Speaker 5: 17:44 Yeah. I’m pretty sure I’m going to be pretty good when I get older with financial. Yup.

Speaker 4: 17:50 And I think you are. I think you, you’re getting good experience now with it. So congratulations. Thank you. So volunteerism, this was a subject that we had touched on in a family discussion earlier in the week during teen years. Time exists for individuals to give back through volunteering, helped your team keep his or her feet firmly planted on the ground and learn more about the real world by making them responsible for volunteering in some sh, some shape or form. So the interesting point that we had here was that it’s difficult when you go to apply to college nowadays to not have some kind of volunteer background with you. Cause all the colleges are looking for it now cause it’s a show of character. So one of the things we’re lacking in right now I think is that volunteerism and, and in our defense, there’s not a lot of things in our community that someone your age could volunteer for. But you’re getting to the point now where there’s clubs that you can get associated with and those clubs themselves wind up doing charitable drives and, and things for the community and stuff like that. So by getting involved in some of these after school clubs, it’s going to introduce you to this concept. Have you seen any, any of these clubs advertising in school at this point?

Speaker 5: 19:22 Yeah, they’ve been pretty advertising now. I really don’t know right now what clubs I’m even gonna join cause there’s only really one club I was thinking of joining, but I don’t know what ones are best for me.

Speaker 4: 19:40 And that’s one of the things that we’re going to have to sit down and see what options are available and kind of figuring out what will fit right. One of the chatters mentions that networking is also important. And networking from this perspective is getting to know people in the Scholastic world in this case here. So you’ll get to, you’ll get to know your professors, you’ll get to know your teachers, but more importantly, you’ll wind up getting to know people that are in the industry that you want to work in. And by building those relationships early on, they’ll help you professionally later in life too. Internships being an excellent example. My company, we’re big on internships, so during the summer we’ll have 15 to 20 interns come through and work in different departments where it’s relevant to their core studies in college. And by doing that, they’re getting hands on experience. They’re building interpersonal relationships and they’re learning how to operate in a professional environment. And they’re getting associated with people who know what they’re trying to do and they can mentor under them too. So it’s a very valuable experience.

Speaker 5: 21:00 Maybe when I’m older I can actually maybe try out that and see if that works for me.

Speaker 4: 21:04 And I think that would be a great, a great way to go for you there. And there’s different types of internships. There’s paid internships, there’s non paid and there’s some of the colleges in the area. I know for instance, Drexel they do a mandatory internship program where part of your college courses is actually doing an internship. So you know, like two thirds of the course is in classroom learning in one third, you know roughly those proportions. One thirds actually out in the field cause it’s an engineering college primarily. One third of it has you actually in the field doing the work. And then most of the graduates of Drexel are very successful when they get out. The next thing we have is decision making. So your progeny is no longer a child during their teen years. They must engage in decision making to allow her to take on this responsibility. You must step back and let them captain the Roan ship. If you don’t do this, you are denying the opportunity to practice making the right decisions and potentially setting him up or her up for failure later in life. So do we how, how rate us as parents on how much freedom we give you to make decisions.

Speaker 6: 22:28 Mmm. Mmm.

Speaker 5: 22:31 So what would one be, what do you mean, like the scale?

Speaker 4: 22:37 Well, 10 being, you know, we’re the best. Okay. Are we a wan? Is that what you’re saying?

Speaker 5: 22:43 No. Whoa. Oh my God.

Speaker 6: 22:48 Hmm.

Speaker 5: 22:50 I think you’re about a seven or eight.

Speaker 4: 22:52 Okay. That’s iron than I thought we’d rate. But I appreciate that.

Speaker 5: 22:57 I mean I you don’t, I mean you definitely give me decision like you definitely like allow me to make decisions. Like now since I’m allowed to sort of like, you know, stay home while you guys go out shopping or something. You give me the decision if I want to go as day. Right. Your mommy. Also occasionally when she would want to go to the mall, she gives me the decision if I want to go or I want to, you know, stay right. And you would always, and sometimes you guys would take me to you know, some of our other things.

Speaker 4: 23:32 Yeah. We still drag. Yeah. For some of the forced fun activities.

Speaker 5: 23:35 Yeah. I mean I do and I do enjoy most of them. Some times I get annoyed, but that’s like, you know, that’s just me, the moody teenager right now while the moody preteen, almost teenager. But I can definitely say you aren’t like, I definitely want to say that they should, like parents shouldn’t be atten like parents will sometimes want to aim towards a 10 cause they think it’s the best. But like remember the one time where you wanted me to level you guys and how strict you are. If you attend on how, if you’re a 10, like being a not strict at all, that means you child can basically do whatever they want. They’ll probably be coming to, I’m on like the phrase, but the word spoiled brat, they’re probably gonna turn into a spoiled brat. They’re gonna want everything and you’re basically going to not be able to change them because you actually, and if, and it’s like the same for decision making. If you make, if you allow them to do too many, like they might need help but you’re like you can figure it out on your own and if they really need help with the decision making, like you should help them. You shouldn’t be like, okay, you can figure everything out on you. I and I’m going to go to the shop or whatever.

Speaker 4: 25:07 But that’s a very good point. You know, it’s all about balance, you know. And that balance is a gradual transition to equipping you to making all those decisions. So the drop it all on you at once. Not a good idea to not have any discipline at all. Not a good idea.

Speaker 5: 25:24 Yeah. Like just choosing everything for your child. It’s basically like if your child was three at that point, you basically decide everything for them. Right? Like, as they get older, I think the rural should be, as they get older, you can gradually let them make more decisions because eventually when they get older out and you’re still in the phase, like maybe around seven or eight, when they realize they can have a choice, it’s just gonna cause more conflicts. So you should definitely keep the discipline that the age group as as if they’re like a newborn. Of course you gotta be a one, but then as they gradually get older, you can just start lowering it. But like you shouldn’t, like even when they’re an adult and they live on their own, you should still offer help if they need it.

Speaker 4: 26:15 Okay. I think that was very well said. Thank you. So the next thing that we have on our, I really need to find a way to get to the chat stream up so you can see it. Cause we have some great comments in the chat screen. Yeah, that’d be amazing. One of our chatters says everybody fails. You will fail failures, our roots for growing.

Speaker 5: 26:38 Yeah. But that’s like you always say to me, you’re okay with mistakes. That’s how you learn.

Speaker 4: 26:44 Exactly. Nobody learns from their successes. You only learn from your failures. Yeah. Facing consequences. So this is a good one. I’m, I’m always big on this. During your teens, childhood, you may have shielded her from consequences protecting her as she wasn’t mature enough to face them on her own. When your child becomes a teen, it’s vital that you make there her responsible for facing these consequences. If your teen messes up, she has the responsibility to pay the Piper. If you don’t make her do so, she’ll never learn. This kind of touches on what you were just saying where you know, you have to gradually be introduced to these things and you have to be able to face up to the consequences. Don’t blame somebody else for your failures. Learn from them and move on.

Speaker 5: 27:34 Yeah. Cause like if you basically just like say when your child was very young and you just, and they did something wrong, but you try to just walk it off and say like, it’s not that big of a deal. Eventually the child’s probably gonna become a troublemaker at that point. And they’ll basically just think, Oh, I can do anything I want and not have any consequences. Right. They think they’re above the law at that point. Yeah. That and that could eventually turn them into maybe a criminal. Absolutely. If you follow it to its logical conclusion. Sure. Yeah. And which is you don’t think the rules apply to you.

Speaker 4: 28:18 We’re going to break the rules of society, which in turn means breaking the law.

Speaker 5: 28:22 Yeah. And I definitely think this goes along with you should keep a steady balance of letting your children decide things. You should keep a steady balance of telling them how to do consequences as a, as one when they’re young. Sure. They’re not introduced to consequences. But like around seven or eight, you should definitely talk about the consequences. Like, that’s when they probably get like grades and homeworks at that point.

Speaker 4: 28:50 It’s a good place to start. Yeah.

Speaker 5: 28:51 Yeah. And of course as they gradually get older you get more consequences. Like I know in my school, but apparently like they have a consequence for everything now. Just sounds an awful lot like prison when you put it that way. Just saying they say never gone to Queens for almost everything. Okay. Well and that’s because they’re trying to make you accountable. Like that’s how like they’re helping the parents and the teenager by like show telling them, Hey, you can’t get off for like an everything now you have to like, like even cheating. There’s like a pretty bad big

Speaker 4: 29:31 So there wasn’t consequences that cheating before,

Speaker 5: 29:33 Like there was consequences, but they’re way worse now, which I think if, if you, the consequences, like you can enhance it a little bit and the teen will probably follow it. But if you enhance it too quickly, like one year it’s like you will, you’ll lose points to now you basically have like detention,

Speaker 4: 29:59 You can find it in bread and water, right?

Speaker 5: 30:01 Sure. Like that kind of thing. Like then that’s just too much and the kid will probably be in terror at that point. So gradually work up the consequences to the point of their age along with helping them, giving them decision making like gret it’s the same with that like gradually as they get older. Yeah. Get ’em show them consequences and just gradually go up.

Speaker 4: 30:30 You’re absolutely right. Family time is a responsibility of yours. Familiar relationships are important and should be regularly tended to make it a responsibility of your team to spend family and spent time with the family. This time can be in the form of family dinners, arranged game nights or simple evenings at home. When your team leaves home in just a few short years, you will be glad you kept this responsibility on their list. So that is one that I think is a huge responsibility because I think we have a pretty tight family unit here. And I think we do a lot of things together, but I also think that we have the freedom to kind of go off and do our own thing on our own time. What do you think?

Speaker 5: 31:18 Yeah, I can definitely say that. Cause I know now I’ve kind of become the team that basically just watches YouTube and slays her video games, no room. Oh. So like any other team in the world right now. Yeah. And isn’t actually that social, but I definitely still spend time with you guys. I always make sure when I get home, before I do my homework, I always make sure to call both of you. Yeah. I look forward to that call now. Yeah. Meet me too. Cause since now I can’t actually say hello to you anymore because at my old elementary school, whenever I got home, the first thing I would do, well I’d put my stuff down, but I would always come down to you and say hello, give you a heart, give me a hug. And I’d of course rate the day like I would normally would she run and I can still do that. But instead I just call you gotta love technology, right? Yeah, of course. Sometimes. Oh yeah. Also you guys talk me,

Speaker 4: 32:16 Well we deal with the cameras and the room

Speaker 5: 32:18 Doorbells. Yes. Yeah. But that’s at least showing that I got home safe. Right.

Speaker 4: 32:24 And it’s for your own protection. So I think that some of the family stuff that we do centers around the fun stuff.

Speaker 5: 32:31 Yeah. I know. I know one of our traditions is going to Dave and busters. Right. For

Speaker 4: 32:36 Our, you know, we do birthdays at Dave and Buster’s. We do special occasions, special occasions. Father’s day.

Speaker 5: 32:42 Yeah. And for like any other day, like if we’re feeling bored, we’re like, like sometimes we would go, Hey, let’s go to Dave and Buster’s today.

Speaker 4: 32:51 Right. And we have fun. Or you know, every day we eat family together unless, you know, someone has an appointment or something like that.

Speaker 5: 33:00 Yeah. Normally mommy just,

Speaker 4: 33:02 We weren’t going to throw her under the bus though. Not naming any names. But yeah, are not launching this right now. Our, our family, our daily family time consists of, you know, that 20 minutes around the dinner table we find out how everyone’s doing. And, and we’ve talked about each other’s day. If for our chat room, Dave and busters is a it’s a restaurant with a big giant arcade attached to it. So we’ll go there. Usually on Sundays we’ll get a they have what they call their Eaton place. They’ve got the pre-made menu up that you get your food for lunch and they give you a free game card as part of your meal. And then when you’re finished eating, you go in the back where the, what they call the midway is and you spend another hour or two back there playing games and we earn tickets and we buy all kinds of crazy stuff with the tick.

Speaker 5: 33:59 Yeah. Cause there’s like little small room in the back where you can get a bunch of prizes. Yeah. Yeah. At that point I’m not actually that bad at spending only cuts. It’s not real money.

Speaker 4: 34:10 Yeah. Yeah. Well that’s, we’re, we’re quick to spend that stuff cause we, you know, they got a lot of cool stuff there.

Speaker 5: 34:16 Yeah. But still like sometimes I don’t really buy stuff cause like sometimes they don’t really have this stuff I like, but I always make sure that when I know whenever I go there, I try to buy at least one thing now only because I just feel like I want to or because you want to walk away with some team and even if it’s just like a piece of candy.

Speaker 4: 34:38 But the beauty of it is as you saved up your tickets and long enough to have the ability to do that. Yeah. But I don’t want to get too far off topic. So family time is very important. That’s, that’s where we should leave that relationship building. It’s never too early to network, which our chatters have mentioned to us already. Break down the walls did exist between your teens and adults, allowing your team to converse maturely with adults as a means of building her ability to do so is a, and I think I misread that in a few short years. She’ll be done with school and the relationships she has fostered will serve her well. So again, this is reinforcing the idea of networking at this point in time. I know you’re an introvert predominantly.

Speaker 5: 35:30 Yeah. Even though I’m an ambivert, I’m mainly an introvert,

Speaker 4: 35:34 Right. So that’s something that you’re going to need to working to get over. And, and not just kids your age, like this even talks about, you know, having conversations with adults, I think. I think you’re mature enough and intelligent enough to sit down and have conversations with adults. That’s the kind of conversations you and I have. You know, occasionally I get a little goofy and crack a joke, but ironically not, you tend to be the most mature one in the conversation.

Speaker 5: 36:00 Yeah. Which is weird. I mean, of course I occasionally throw out some slang, you know, teenage me,

Speaker 4: 36:08 Right? You’re still a teenager. I had to remember that.

Speaker 5: 36:11 Well, almost a teenager. I’m still a preteen right now. Right. But guess what, like Tobar twice,

Speaker 4: 36:20 October 20th there. We’re at the dope podcast on it. Yeah. So the last thing that we have on the list that is your responsibility is future planning. The perennial question, what do you want to be when you grow up? My eternal answer to that is I don’t want to grow up. The perennial question is no longer one that your child can Dodge as your teen steps closer to exiting high school. She must start to plan for the future, affect their future planning, including college, but not only college is college isn’t for everyone, including college selection and application is a must. So if you’re going to start looking to do college, you’re looking at college colleges before your senior year in high school. Yeah. Okay. So you’re starting pretty early on. You’ll probably be doing college prep courses. You have the benefit of immediately getting credits at the local college state college that’s affiliated with your school. You get, I think they said the first three credits, five credits were free. So you’re getting a jumpstart already, so you have the benefit of that, which is very nice. But even before you get to that point, you need to start thinking what you want to do. So you are how old now? 12. And what do you want to do when you grow up?

Speaker 5: 37:53 Well, I can definitely say it’s changed from when I’ve been younger. I knew I had pretty tough goals as a child. I remember one time I wanted to be a vet.

Speaker 4: 38:06 Okay. Still obtainable.

Speaker 5: 38:08 Yeah. Still obtainable. Like I pretty sure anything now I could be obtained if I really put my heart into it. I agree. I can definitely say one time I remember I wanted to be an inventor, but if I had to go off my hobbies slash interests, I think the one that would stand out the most right now is something that does with art or science. Okay. Those are the ones that seem to stand out right now.

Speaker 4: 38:38 Both are potentially very lucrative and very enjoyable.

Speaker 5: 38:43 Yeah, I know. Yeah. I know. We, I know we both know that I’m a pretty good artist and we’re probably going to make a podcast on that. Yeah. And we also know I’m a pretty big science nerd.

Speaker 4: 38:59 Even though you didn’t get your factual Friday this week, you had the

Speaker 5: 39:03 I don’t, I didn’t do it this week. Okay. Oh Mike. If you don’t know what we’re talking about, it’s basically this one question where you have to look it up for two days, write it down in there. This card I would give it to my science teacher and on Friday she’d take a drawing. As long as it was the right answer. If you had one, you got like a small prize and I just forgot to do with the two days. I did it last time and I didn’t win.

Speaker 4: 39:32 Okay. Just cause you didn’t get pulled out, it doesn’t mean anything. So for the record, your question this week was who was the first American in space? And the answer of course is right, not John Glenn. Why is it not John Glenn? Because he was the first American or know of it. Right. Very good. So at least now it’s on a record. Yeah. so a future planning, so you want to be a scientist or you want to be our, our, our chatter says art with science. Truly sounds like a medical prodigy. If you ask me, the human anatomy can take over 30 years to study. Wow. That’s a long time to study.

Speaker 5: 40:18 Wow. I mean I remember you saying one time you could actually, I could actually become an architect bringing in my art, but also having a suitable career.

Speaker 4: 40:28 Yeah. And I think, I think that’s a great path for you because architects are, I would describe them as artistic engineers. They have to build something that looks stunning, but it also has to be functional and not fall down.

Speaker 5: 40:46 I know. And that’s also might be where science and math come in.

Speaker 4: 40:49 Absolutely. Yeah. So that might be the route to go. So actually that might be a natural fit. So I think that’s all we had for the responsibilities. We’ll come back and we’ll talk real quickly about 10 tips to make your teenager more responsible. So this comes from a site that we’ve used many times in the past called mom junction.com.

Speaker 5: 41:17 Okay. Yeah, I’ve never actually heard that. I don’t remember hearing,

Speaker 4: 41:21 Oh maybe I haven’t mentioned that then. So the first thing they say is set expectations. Yes, you love your child without expectations, but now’s a good time to set some, once your knows what is expected of her, should be forced to work towards it. This is the first step towards learning responsibility. But make sure the expectations are reasonable. Impossible expectations will just end up frustrating both your team and yourself. So tell me, do we set expectations?

Speaker 5: 41:53 Yes. but they’re not like hardcore

Speaker 4: 41:56 So we have realistic expectations are, yeah. Yeah. do you feel that you achieve those expectations?

Speaker 5: 42:05 Well, I definitely know what the grade point average. I’ve definitely exceeded the expectations. I am definitely able to see what other expectations do you guys want? I know you always complained to me about laundry

Speaker 4: 42:24 Where you’re expected to do your chores. How well do you think you would accomplish those?

Speaker 5: 42:29 Pretty well. As long as like, I don’t forget.

Speaker 4: 42:34 Right. You’re expected to treat others with compassion and respect. Do you think you achieve that?

Speaker 5: 42:41 Yes. Even though sometimes the irritate me, then again, I don’t really talk to people as much anymore. So fair point. Honestly, I think I’ve got a pretty down Pat.

Speaker 4: 42:50 I think for the most part you do achieve your expectations, which is why, you know, occasionally mom and I will bump those expectations up for you and challenge you a little bit more. Cause that’s how you grow. Number two is make a chores list. Well your chores are pretty straight forward. You kind of know what to do. Yeah. So in your case, until we start adding more chores on there it’s cleaning, doing laundry and cooking are pretty easy to keep track of. I will say though, one thing that you tend to do is you use technology to help you. So if you’re, if you’re flipping the laundry, you’ll set a timer on Alexa and Alexa will remind you. So it’s very smart use of your time.

Speaker 5: 43:31 Awesome. I’m very I’m very surprised to hear that. I know I read you were speaking pretty fast, so I just wanted to say that.

Speaker 4: 43:39 Yeah, we, we have two Amazon echos in the room with us here. So they tend to perk up when the magic word is said allow choices. Life is about choices. The sooner your team realizes that the better. So get her involved in household decisions, planning to buy a new household appliance or planning a vacation, ask your teenager for her views. This will give her a sense of responsibility. And you can also play in weekly family meetings where you as a family can decide on menu plans, chores, lists, and recreational ideas. So just before we came up here to do the podcast, we went through the weekly menu and you had input cause you wanted to know which meals you were cooking. So I, we kind of, you know, hit the nail on the head here. We brought you in when we were doing the vacation planning for our upcoming vacation. We don’t really do a lot of the household purchases. I think the biggest thing was the windows recently, but that was it. Yeah, we didn’t really have any input there. We basically went with baseline style.

Speaker 5: 44:54 I couldn’t really like put anything out there anyways, so.

Speaker 4: 44:57 Right. So, but you had input on decorating the studio. You know, you have a number of items in the studio, including your Lego studio set. We have some of your Barbies in the back there. We have a couple over here. So you had some input in decorating the studio too, which was kind of nice. Yeah. And we definitely leave the studio decoration up to you for the holidays. So far we’ve only had one Easter.

Speaker 5: 45:26 Yeah. I think Easter and even though it wasn’t that big, but I, I definitely think it was a pretty good,

Speaker 4: 45:33 Yeah. So with the winter holidays coming, I’m sure we’ll Dicker he for, for the winter holiday.

Speaker 5: 45:39 Y’all have just mommy about for some Hanukkah decorations. Yes. Are you sure? She has plenty.

Speaker 4: 45:46 Number four on the list is trust her. And this is for our parents. This is a big one. It’s not easy, but learn to trust your team to make the right choices. If she says she’ll babysit your five year old while you go out for a movie letter, your instinct might scream otherwise, but for once overlook it. Your trust is just the incentive. She needs to be more responsible. Big trust. Let that we gave you on this one here was cooking. Having having you work with knives and fire is terrifying. Not that I think you would do anything malicious, but I didn’t want you getting hurt.

Speaker 5: 46:31 Yeah. That’s actually probably stuff we’re going to be using in science anyways, so. Right, right.

Speaker 4: 46:35 That’s true. So it’s, that was one of our big things from a trust standpoint and I think you’ve rewarded that very well. Let there be consequences. We were just talking about this. Don’t protect her. If she’s not finished her assignment, let her face the punishment coming her way. Don’t write a note to help her out this way. She’ll learn the truth about natural consequences. You reap what you sow. So if you do not do your chores, there are consequences. The immediate one being you do not get paid, which is huge. Also you’ll get needled by your father. I won’t let you rest until it’s done. Kind of relentless like that, but there’s consequences and, and you’ve not shirk that responsibility and that’s a credit to you reward her. And I do drowned it with no cell phone era. Our chatter says, boy, that would be devastating for you, wouldn’t it? You just got your new phone too. That would really stink. Ground it with no iPhone 11 for you. It’s a good thing you do your chores, huh?

Speaker 5: 48:00 You can find other means of entertainment. Know

Speaker 4: 48:02 I’m sure you could cause Lord knows you’ve got them. Yep. A reward her. No, we’re not talking about bribing her, although that’s very effective too, I’ll say. But your team needs to know that good begets good. So she lives up to her part of the bargain. Reward her. How you reward her depends completely on you. A few words of appreciation, like with dinner, a Pat on the back of book, a trip to watch her favorite movie. Anything that shows you’ve noticed her efforts in this human nature. You know, I have a staff of people that I manage at work and you know, it’s important to give them words of encouragement and let them know when they’re doing a good job and and every human being needs that. Do you get that by the way?

Speaker 5: 48:49 Yes. I not only do I get it at home, but I also get it at like at school and we actually have this one thing where if you get enough points, there’s this one little shop and during your PLP you could always go down and use up your points for like anything. I’ve just, I don’t really know what there is, but I also know at my science class if you get like a bunch of box tops I think five bucks tops gets you one extra credit point along with actual Friday. Like if you get pulled, you you can choose from a small prize along with my ELA, they also do like a ticket polling. If you do something good, you earn tickets and by the end of the marking period, and no, not by the end of the marking period, I know like every Friday, every other Friday they would pull your ticket and you could get like a small piece of candy.

Speaker 4: 49:43 So they brought the kids to see bribing works. That’s really, that’s the root of learn here. So the next two are pretty straight forward here. So we’ve got known, we talked about it. So I won’t go into great detail. Get her to volunteer.

Speaker 4: 50:03 And get it a joining youth groups. Yeah. So we’ve talked about the importance of those.

Speaker 4: 50:12 The next thing that they had here was how for set goals, we’ve talked about that as well. Now this isn’t, this is, I think this is kind of an important one to talk to her about her dreams and longterm plans. If she has a career in mind, sit down and chalk out of a route map or roadmap. Help her take small steps, keeping the big picture in mind. Tell her the journey is hers to make. Let her know that her dream is her responsibility. Only she can make it come true. But one of the things I will say here as a technique to this, and we’ve talked about this previously, is whenever you have something that’s laid in front of you, a challenge a problem, an obstacle of tragedy, a PR, a school assignment, whatever it is, don’t look at it as the whole.

Speaker 4: 51:06 If you find it overwhelming cause a lot of stuff hits you. And it’s overwhelming. My suggestion would be take what it is and then figure out how to break it into smaller parts and you tackle those smaller parts and you may be able to take a series of those smaller parts, tackle them, and take care of them. Then put those together and build on those to get to the ultimate end goal. When you do that and you take a big problem down in your, cut it into a smaller, obtainable goals to get to where you want to be, it makes a lot easier to get there. And the last thing that we have here I think sort of sums up the entire discussion is respect her individuality. You can’t live her life. Your teen needs to learn that her life, all the good and bad is hers to live.

Speaker 4: 52:01 You as a parent need to accept and respect that her way of doing things may be different if she makes a choice that is contrary to your wish, accepted, this can mean something small like a dress she wants to buy or it can be something life changing, liquor, career choice. And I can tell you that mommy and daddy will always be there to help you and to guide you and to offer advice, not there to judge. So, you know, ultimately the decisions that you face in life will be yours and you’ll face the consequences. But as long as mommy and daddy around you don’t have to face them alone, we will be there to help you any way we can, some things we can help you with. But for the most part, I think, I think mommy and daddy have a handle on accepting you as a responsible, trustworthy individual. What do you think?

Speaker 5: 52:59 I definitely think that is true and I definitely thank you for that. I’m pretty sure without you guys, I probably wouldn’t have or I probably wouldn’t have gotten to the point in my life. I am now. I mean probably wouldn’t even be alive without you guys.

Speaker 4: 53:20 Well, yes, you’re early survival is, you know, we do have a large role in that. Yeah.

Speaker 5: 53:25 Yeah. I mean you guys have definitely taught me the right and wrong and I’ve definitely, and I definitely think I’ve applied all that. You’ve also given me a sense of logic. And you’ve also whenever I’ve come into conflict you always like help me out. It’s normally stuff I worry about cause I worry about things a lot now and I really have to thank you for that. Cause I know I am lucky and not that meant and not a lot of kids are as lucky as I am.

Speaker 4: 54:00 Well I appreciate that. That was all we had this week. We’ll come back, we’ll give you a chance to give your final thoughts on responsibilities and any shout outs that you have. She, you my dear for your final thoughts.

Speaker 5: 54:20 Alrighty. So for those in the audience who are teenagers or basically anyone know their responsibilities are important. Yes. You take on more. Yes. At times they can be, they can have hardships. But like I said earlier, as you gradually get older for the parents watching who have thing, who have, who wants to give their teens responsibilities, just know you’ve got to gradually work up to it. Gradually teach them about consequences, gradually show them consequences, gradually let them have their own decisions and always learned to respect their decisions. Whether but, and if you do think that some of their decisions aren’t right, just know it’s always important to talk with your teen about it. And don’t ever be afraid to talk to Tina about responsibilities and make sure to let them know their responsibilities are important.

Speaker 4: 55:19 Fantastic. I’m going to give a shout out today and I want to give a shout out to our chat room participant here. Ghost flew, who just messaged us saying flabbergasted as a viewer. Your daughter truly mature for her age, so thank you so much for that. Thank you for that wonderful compliment. And hopefully we’ll hat we’ll be back next week with another great podcast. Feel free to check out our website@wwwdotinsightsintothings.com. You can get transcripts, show notes of video and audio feeds, and go SLU for as embarrassed. Now. all of our information’s up there. Thanks a lot. We’ll talk to you later.

Speaker 5: 56:14 Hi everyone.

Show Notes

  • Introductions
    • Insights Into Teens: Episode 35 “Responsibilities”
    • My brilliant and beautiful co-host Madison
  • What is responsibility

During the teenage years, children’s need for responsibility and autonomy gets stronger – it’s an important part of their path to young adulthood. To become capable adults, teenagers need to learn to make good decisions on their own.

The process of helping children take responsibility and make decisions is a key task for parents. You have an important role in training and supporting your child to be ready for more responsibility. This means you need to plan when and in what areas to let your child start making decisions.

How quickly you hand over responsibility to your child is up to you. It depends on things like your own comfort level, your family and cultural traditions, and your child’s maturity.

Ideally, you and your child should both feel comfortable with the shift of responsibility and the pace of change. Too much or too soon might leave you both feeling overwhelmed. Too little or too slow might end up with your child feeling impatient or rebellious.

  • Ten Responsibilities for Teens
    • Scholarship
      • In the eyes of many parents, bringing home good grades is the number one responsibility of a teen. From the hours teens clock at school each day to after-school homework time, teens have a responsibility to build their brains and mentally prepare for later-in-life success.
         
    • Chores
      • Though you likely won’t slide a rent bill under your teen’s bedroom door, you should make her do something to pay you back for the roof you are putting over her head. Your teen has a responsibility to contribute to the household by completing chores. Doing her share of household tasks will teach her responsibility and free up some leisure time for you.
         
    • Employment
      • While some teens choose to go job-free though their teen years, taking on a job is a great way to get a taste of the real world. It is wise to make your teen obtain part-time employment. Even if he only works a small number of hours each week, this job will give him the opportunity to dip his toes into the world of work. This will also allow your teen some extra spending money.
         
    • Financial Planning
      • What little money your teen earns through whatever job she manages to acquire will provide her the opportunity to practice sound financial decision making. Your teen has a responsibility to manage her own money effectively. This will necessarily include setting up a bank account and perhaps even starting a saving account in which she can sock away cash to cover whatever education costs she may have as she moves past high school.
         
    • Volunteerism
      • During teen years, time exists for individuals to give back through volunteering. Help your teen keep his feet firmly planted on the ground and learn more about the real world by making him responsible for volunteering in some shape or form.
         
    • Decision Making
      • Your progeny is no longer a child. During his teen years, he must engage in decision making. To allow him to take on this responsibility, you must step back and let him captain his own ship. If you don’t do this, you are denying the opportunity to practice making the right decisions and potentially setting him up for failure later in life.
         
    • Facing Consequences
      • During your teen’s childhood you may have shielded her from consequences, protecting her as she wasn’t mature enough to face them. When your child becomes a teen, it is vital that you make her responsible for facing these consequences, suggests Dr. Marlo Archer for Down to Earth Enterprises. If your teen messes up, she has the responsibility to pay the piper. If you don’t make her do so, she will never learn.
         
    • Family Time
      • Familial relationships are important and should be regularly tended to. Make it a responsibility of your teen to spend time with the family. This time can be in the form of family dinners, arranged game nights or simple evenings at home. When your teen leaves home in just a few short years, you will be glad you kept this responsibility on her list.
         
    • Relationship Building
      • It’s never too early to network, suggests Robert Epstein, Ph.D. for Empowering Parents. Break down the walls that exist between your teen and adults, allowing your teen to converse maturely with adults as a means of building her ability to do so. In a few short years, she will be done with school and the relationships she has fostered will serve her well.
         
    • Future Planning
      • The perennial question, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” is no longer one that your child can dodge. As your teen steps closer to exiting high school, he must start to plan for the future. Effective future planning, including college selection and application, is a must.
  • Ten tips to make your teenager more responsible
    • Mom Junction.Com
    • https://www.momjunction.com/articles/handy-tips-make-teenager-responsible_00118480/#gref
    • http://bit.ly/2mr7mlr
      1. Set Expectations:
        • Yes, you love your child without expectations. But now is a good time to set some. Once your teen knows what is expected of her, she’ll be forced to work towards it. This is the first step towards learning responsibility.

          But make sure the expectations are reasonable. Impossible expectations will just end up frustrating both your teen and you.
           
      2. Make A Chores List:
        • If there is one thing your teen hates more than lectures, it is chores! But chores are a great way to assign responsibility. So, make a list of chores you expect your rebel teen to work on. Discuss the list as a family and place it somewhere prominent.

          Be warned! This won’t be easy. Chores are not fun, at least not for teens. But as they grow up, chores will be a part of their lives. So, start the training today.

          And let there be consequences. If your teen fails to do the chores assigned to her, take away a privilege. Take away her mobile for a day. That will teach them how to be a responsible teenagers.
           
      3.  Allow Choices:
        • Life is about choices. The sooner your teen realizes that, the better. So, get her involved in household decisions. Planning to buy a new household appliance? Or planning a vacation? Ask your teenager for her views. This will give her a sense of responsibility. You can also plan weekly family meetings where you, as a family, can decide on menu plans, chores list, recreation ideas, etc.
           
      4.  Trust Her:
        • This is a big one. It’s not easy, but learn to trust your teen to make the right choices. If she says she’ll babysit your five-year-old while you go out for a movie, let her. Your instinct might scream otherwise, but for once overlook it. Your trust is just the incentive she needs to be more responsible.
           
      5.  Let There Be Consequences:
        • Don’t protect her. If she has not finished her assignment, let her face the punishment coming her way. Don’t write a note to help her out. This way she’ll learn the truth about natural consequences. You reap what you sow.
           
      6. Reward Her:
        • No, we are not talking about bribing her. But your teen needs to know that good begets good. So, if she lives up to her part of the bargain, reward her. How you reward her depends completely on you. A few words of appreciation, a pat on the back, a book, a trip to watch her favorite movie – anything to show you’ve noticed her efforts.
           
      7. Get Her To Volunteer:
        • This is a great way to help your teen understand that the world does not revolve around her. When she is involved in a cause, she’ll realize her privilege as well as her responsibility.
           
      8. Join A Youth Group:
        • It may be part of your church or a neighborhood youth club, get her to join. When she works with others, sometimes in a leadership position, she’ll truly understand to take her responsibilities seriously (2).
           
      9. Help Her Set Goals:
        • Talk to her about her dreams and long term plans. If she has a career in mind, sit down and chalk out a route map. Help her take small steps, keeping the big picture in mind. But tell her the journey is hers to make. Let her know that her dream is her responsibility. Only she can make it come true.
           
      10. Respect Her Individuality:
        • You can’t live her life. Your teen needs to learn that her life – all the good and bad included – is hers to live. You as a parent need to accept and respect that her way of doings things are different. If she makes a choice that is contrary to your wish, accept it. This can mean something small, like a dress she wants to buy. Or it can be something life changing, like a career choice.

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