Insights Into Teens: Episode 152 ”Improving Teen Communications”

https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-irstk-12886cd

Communication is the cornerstone to any successful relationship. Whether it’s between a parent and a child, spouses, fellow students, teachers or even in the work place the ability and willingness to effectively communicate often times is the different between success and failure at many levels. This podcast is a shining example of a method and desire to communicate, but there are many other less elaborate methods. On today’s episode of Insights Into Teens we’ll discuss these methods and much more to hopefully help our audience become better communicators.

Show Notes

[INTRO THEME]
[INTRODUCTIONS]
Insights Into Teens: Episode 152 “Improving Teen Communication”
My communicative and attentive co-host Madison Whalen

Summary

Communication is the cornerstone to any successful relationship. Whether it’s between a parent and a child, spouses, fellow students, teachers or even in the work place the ability and willingness to effectively communicate often times is the different between success and failure at many levels. This podcast is a shining example of a method and desire to communicate, but there are many other less elaborate methods. On today’s episode of Insights Into Teens we’ll discuss these methods and much more to hopefully help our audience become better communicators.

[SHOW PLUGS]

But first I’d like to invite the listening and viewing audience to subscribe to the podcast.
You can find audio versions listed under Insights Into Teens, you can also find video and audio versions listed under Insights Into Things.

I’d also like to invite you to give us your feedback on what we’re talking about or give us your suggestions for show topics.
You can:
Email us at:
Comments@insightsintothings.com
Links to all these on the web Web:
https://www.insightsintothings.com

[TRANSITION]

[SEGMENT 1]

What is healthy communication?

https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/teens/relationships/all-about-communication
https://bit.ly/3zF42WL

Healthy communication skills can turn a good relationship into a great one.

Healthy communication is all about respect, honesty, listening, and being open with your feelings and what you want.

Communication isn’t all about talking.

Listening and being respectful are just as important.
Healthy communication is a 2-way street.

It’s easy to talk about things when times are good or when both people see eye to eye.
But in a healthy relationship you can also talk about difficult stuff without insulting or hurting each other.
You might not always agree, but you talk through your differences while feeling safe, respected, and heard.
That means telling someone what you want and feel and also listening and respecting what they say, too.

Healthy communication is NOT manipulative, mean-spirited, disrespectful, or one-sided.
It’s not about getting your way – it’s about both of you being there for each other.

Why is it important for parents to communicate with their kids?

https://www.aces.edu/blog/topics/home-family/principles-of-parenting-communicating-with-your-teen/
https://bit.ly/3SaC1xu

As teens get older, they will spend more time away from parents and family. They will need to make decisions on their own and will be expected by others to take responsibility for their actions.
Although teens are gaining more independence from their parents, they are not experienced and need continuing parental guidance. Being sensitive to your teens’ levels of maturity when offering guidance helps in building greater self-confidence in them.
When you communicate sensitively with your teens, you are helping them in a number of ways to grow up to be responsible adults.
You are helping your teens to understand that family rules change as they get older.
When Jack turned 16 and received his driver’s license, he wanted to use the family car for weekend activities.
He and his mom discuss rules for using the car and how car privileges will depend upon Jack’s showing responsibility. He is expected to fill the car with gas before bringing it home, and he needs to have it home at the time promised.
Setting up these rules in advance helps Jack to know what is expected of him when he uses the car. Knowing the rules also helps him to accept the consequences if he falls short of obeying the rules.
You are helping your teens to have better self-esteem.
Tim compares himself often to other kids at school. He frequently feels like a failure, since he does not do as well on tests as others and is second string on the basketball team.
Tim’s dad has listened to his son complain about not being as good as other kids and has expressed understanding of his feelings. This usually helps Tim to feel better.
Dad has been taking more time with Tim to do activities they both enjoy. He makes a special effort to make comments about things that Tim does well. He also is helping Tim to appreciate his own strengths and abilities.
You are offering your teen good role modeling in solving problems with other people.
Erin and her mom are out shopping one day when a salesperson is rude to them as they try to return some clothes. Mom calmly tells the salesperson that she expected to be permitted to return the items and asks if a manager is present who can assist with the return. The salesperson responds in a more helpful fashion.
Erin later asks Mom why she did not get angry at the salesperson. Mom replies, “I was angry, but I have learned that I get better results when I stay calm and think about the best way to get the response I want.” Through the experience, Erin had the opportunity to observe and discuss a good way to handle problems with other people.
You are helping your teen to make important life decisions.
Henry is trying to decide on a college. He wants to pick the best one, but he is not sure how to do this. His parents talk with him about his future goals, about the colleges that have programs that interest him, and about colleges that the family can afford. They suggest that Henry call some of the colleges and arrange to visit the ones that are on the top of his list. They talk with Henry about other steps he can take to narrow his choices.
Henry’s parents help him to figure out how to make good decisions. Plus, they permit him to take the steps needed to make a good choice.

[AD1: SSE]

[SEGMENT 2]

Issues that can affect communication in teenagers

https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/healthyliving/teenagers-and-communication
https://bit.ly/3PJzMPU

Adolescence is a time of rapid change, not just for the young person but for the parents too.
It might be hard to let go sometimes, but parents need to recognise that:

A child’s job is to grow up and become an independent adult.

As a parent, you need to help young people through this process.

Decisions can now be made together.

Try to discuss issues to reach an outcome that you and your teenager can both accept.

Young people may have viewpoints that are different from yours or may take up activities that you don’t understand.

Try to see this as a good thing.
They are learning to be their own person.|

You will always feel responsible for your child’s wellbeing and safety, no matter how old they are.

When children reach their teenage years, they start to make their own decisions.
Sometimes they make the wrong ones.
Try to be supportive and not criticize.
They will (hopefully!) learn valuable lessons from their mistakes.
During this time of constant change, both parents and young people need to take time to care for themselves.

You need to show you value your teenager and their uniqueness – show them your unconditional love.
The effects of negative communication with teenagers

Conflict is inevitable when people with different views live together so the occasional clash with your teenager is normal and to be expected.

However, ongoing conflict can undermine the relationship between a parent and a young person.

Negative communication is a common cause of chronic conflict.

Examples of negative communication include nagging, harsh criticism or ‘stand over’ tactics such as yelling to force compliance.

It’s not always easy to recognise negative communication.

For example, well-meaning parents may criticize because they want their child to try harder.

You are using negative communication if:

The conversation rapidly deteriorates into nagging, yelling or fighting
You feel angry, upset, rejected, blamed or unloved
The issue under dispute doesn’t ever improve
Turn negatives into positives
You can change negative communication into positive communication.

Suggestions include:

Negotiate how you communicate with each other.

Work out strategies to improve your communication. Brainstorm solutions together.
Select what is important to argue over.

A basic guideline is that safety issues, like not getting into a car with a driver who has been drinking, are always worth fighting over.
Other things, like cleaning up the messy bedroom, might be best to ignore – just keep the door shut!

Offer constructive criticism.

Acknowledge and celebrate their achievements.
They will know themselves when they have got it wrong and don’t need to be reminded by you.

Set a good example by apologizing when you’re wrong.
[AD2: ENTERTAINMENT]

[SEGMENT 3]

Tips for healthy communication

Healthy communication takes practice and planning.

Here are some tips to help you get started.

Use “I” statements:

Say things like, “I feel upset when you _” instead of, “You’re making me upset.”
Steer clear of blaming or accusing them of purposely trying to hurt you.

Be clear and direct:

No one can read your mind, so tell them what you think, feel, and need.

Don’t push aside your feelings:

Bring up things that bother you early on so they don’t build up and become bigger problems.

Build trust:

Unless someone has given you a reason not to, believing that they’re telling you the truth and assuming that they mean well helps establish trust.

Ask questions:

If you don’t understand what they’re saying or why, ask questions.
Don’t make assumptions.

Talk in person:

It’s really easy to misunderstand or misinterpret a text message or email.
Talking in person (or through video chat) will allow you to hear their tone of voice and see their body language.

Don’t yell:

Getting angry or defensive during an argument is totally normal.
But if you’re feeling upset or angry, take a break until you both cool off.

Be willing to apologize:

Everyone makes mistakes.
Saying you’re sorry (and meaning it) goes a long way in helping to move on after a fight.

Do’s and Don’ts for better teen & parent communication

https://www.aces.edu/blog/topics/home-family/principles-of-parenting-communicating-with-your-teen/
https://bit.ly/3SaC1xu

Don’t:

Talk down to your teen
Be judgmental and critical of your teen
Refuse to listen to your teen’s point of view

Do:
Make it clear that you are ready and willing to listen.

“I really care about what you think.” “Your ideas are important to me.” “Tell me how you see it.”

Let your teen know that you are working to understand their perspective.

“What I am understanding you’re trying to say is…” “So what is really important to you is…”
After saying what you heard your teen say, ask if you got it right.

Express your willingness to work together with your teen to arrive at a decision.
“Let each of us offer some ideas on how to deal with this.” “How would you do it?” “What do you think should happen?”

Take time to connect with your teen every day—a meal together, a few minutes together each evening before going to bed, longer periods of time together on the weekend, etc.

Find activities that you enjoy doing together.

Sometimes teens find it difficult to share what is on their minds during face-to-face conversation.
Doing an activity together, such as playing games on the computer, preparing a meal, working on a hobby, or traveling around town, can make conversation flow more easily.
Teens will say more when they feel relaxed.

Permit your teen some privacy.

Teens need time to themselves and the right not to share everything with their parents.
They will be more willing to share the important things with you if they feel respected by you.
Permitting independence from you is a great way to show a teen respect.

Allow your teen to have opinions that differ from yours.

The freedom for teens to have their own ideas and views helps them to become emotionally mature as they move toward adulthood and need to think on their own.
[TRANSITION]

[CLOSE]

Closing thoughts shoutouts

[OUTRO AND CREDITS]

Show Plugs
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Transcription

00:00:01:24 – 00:00:50:25
Michelle
Insightful podcasts by informative host insights into Things, a podcast network. Welcome to Insights Into Teens, a podcast series exploring the issues and challenges of today’s youth. Your hosts are Joseph and Madison, as well as a father and daughter team making their way through the challenges of the teenage years.

00:00:51:22 – 00:01:04:05
Joseph
Welcome to Insights Into Teens. This is Episode 152 Improving Teen Communication. I’m your host, Joseph Raymond, and my communicative and attentive co-host.

00:01:04:09 – 00:01:06:05
Madison
Madison will have you on.

00:01:06:10 – 00:01:08:08
Joseph
How you doing today, Matty? I’m doing all.

00:01:08:08 – 00:01:09:07
Madison
Right. How about you?

00:01:09:19 – 00:01:18:16
Joseph
I’m doing okay. We are finally back in the studio to record. We tried last week and we had some utility issues.

00:01:18:25 – 00:01:19:16
Madison
Yep.

00:01:19:27 – 00:01:26:00
Joseph
Going through a heat wave last week and could not keep the power on around here long enough to get a podcast.

00:01:26:10 – 00:01:27:03
Madison
Yeah.

00:01:27:27 – 00:01:31:28
Joseph
Anything else exciting going on with you?

00:01:32:28 – 00:01:35:12
Madison
Yeah. We’re progressing in band.

00:01:35:19 – 00:01:37:07
Joseph
That’s good progressions. Important.

00:01:37:19 – 00:01:41:17
Madison
I didn’t go yesterday because I wasn’t feeling too well.

00:01:41:18 – 00:01:43:16
Joseph
So then you didn’t progress as well?

00:01:43:20 – 00:01:49:15
Madison
I progressed. We were. We’re just starting to progress. But I could. I had to miss yesterday.

00:01:50:07 – 00:01:52:01
Joseph
Well, that’s unfortunate. I hope you’re feeling better.

00:01:52:11 – 00:01:54:00
Madison
Yeah, I’m better.

00:01:54:04 – 00:02:28:27
Joseph
That’s great. That’s all that matters. Yep. So today we’re talking communication regulation is the cornerstone to any successful relationship, whether it’s between a parent and a child, spouses, fellow students, teachers, or even in the workplace. The ability to communicate willingly and effectively oftentimes is the difference between success and failure at many levels. This podcast is a shining example of a method and desire to communicate, but there are many other less elaborate methods as well.

00:02:29:23 – 00:03:05:06
Joseph
On today’s episode of Insights into Teens, we’ll discuss these methods and much more to hopefully help our audience become better communicators. But before we do do that, I would like to invite our listening and viewing audience to subscribe to the podcast. You can find audio versions of this podcast, listeners insights and teens. Audio and video versions of all of our podcasts can be found listed as insights on the things on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google, etc. I’d also like to invite you to subscribe by earning money to subscribe.

00:03:05:07 – 00:03:21:01
Joseph
Yep. I’m going to invite you to give us your feedback and tell us how we’re doing. We’re also always looking for suggestions for topics to discuss on the show. You can email us at comments and insights into things on CNN.com, or you can find links to all of our social media sites.

00:03:23:09 – 00:03:34:15
Joseph
Contacts, I guess they are. Yeah, you can find links to all of that on our official website at WW W dot insights and the things that oh we ready.

00:03:34:23 – 00:03:35:12
Madison
I guess we.

00:03:35:12 – 00:03:41:16
Joseph
Are if we have flubbed enough already. The rest of us. Yeah. Here we go.

00:03:45:18 – 00:04:14:29
Joseph
So what is healthy communication? This actually comes to us from Planned Parenthood dot org. They say healthy communication skills can turn a good relationship. And a great healthy communication is all about respect, honesty, listening, and being open with your feelings and what you want. Communication isn’t all about talking. Listening and being respectful are just as important. Healthy communication is a two way street.

00:04:16:00 – 00:04:43:01
Joseph
It’s easy to talk about things when times are good or when both people see eye to eye. But in a healthy relationship, you can talk about the difficult stuff without insulting or hurting each other. You might not always agree, but you talk for your differences while feeling safe, respected and heard. That means telling someone that you want and feel what you want and feel and also listening and respecting what they say as well.

00:04:44:04 – 00:04:55:21
Joseph
I think communication is not manipulative, mean spirited, disrespectful or one sided. It’s not about getting your way. It’s about both of you being there for each other.

00:04:57:00 – 00:05:25:11
Madison
So why is it important for parents to communicate with their kids? And this comes to us from Aces Dot edu. They say as a teen gets older, they will spend more time away from their parents and family. They will need to make decisions on their own and will be expected by others to take responsibility for their actions. Although teens are gaining more independence from their parents, they are not experienced and need continuing and need continual parental guidance.

00:05:26:03 – 00:05:55:08
Madison
Being sensitive to your teen’s levels of maturity when offering guidance helps in building greater self-confidence in them. When you communicate sensitively with your teens, you are helping them in a number of ways to grow up to be responsible adults. You are helping your teen understand that family rules change as they get older. When Jack turned 16 and received his driver’s license, he wanted to use the family car for the four weekend activities.

00:05:55:25 – 00:06:18:16
Madison
He and his mom discussed the rules for using the car and how car privileges will depend upon Jack showing responsibility. He is expected to fill the car with gas before bringing it home and he needs to have it at home, but at the time promised. Setting up these rules in advance helps Jack to know what is expected of him when he uses the car.

00:06:19:02 – 00:06:25:01
Madison
Knowing the rules also helps him to accept the consequences if he falls short of obeying the rules.

00:06:26:01 – 00:06:49:08
Joseph
You’re also helping your teens have better self-esteem. Jim compares himself often to other kids in school. He frequently feels like a failure since he does not do as well as others. In his second string on the basketball teams, Dan has listened to his son complain about not being as good as other kids and has expressed understanding of his feelings.

00:06:49:28 – 00:07:07:16
Joseph
This usually helps him feel better. That has been taking more time with them to do activities they both enjoy. He makes a special effort to make comments about things that Tim does well. He’s also helping Tim to appreciate his own strengths and abilities.

00:07:08:09 – 00:07:19:16
Madison
You’re also offering your teen good role modeling and solving problems with other people. I mean the name again. Aaron. Aaron and her mom.

00:07:19:16 – 00:07:20:19
Joseph
Or my father’s name?

00:07:22:09 – 00:07:44:13
Madison
I am sorry. Aaron and her mom are out shopping one day when a salesperson is rude to them as they try to return some clothes. Mom calmly tells the salesperson that she expected to be permitted to return the items and asks if a manager at present who can assist with the return. The salesperson responds in a more helpful fashion.

00:07:45:07 – 00:08:05:06
Madison
Aaron later asks Mom why she did not get angry at the salesperson. Ron replies, I was angry, but I have learned that I get better results when I stay calm and think about the best way to get the response I want through the experience. Aaron had the opportunity to observe and discuss a good way to handle problems with other people.

00:08:06:05 – 00:08:33:17
Joseph
You’re also helping your team to make important life decisions and where you trying to decide on college? You want to pick the best one, but he’s not sure how to do this. His parents talk to him about his future goals, about the colleges that have programs that interest him, and about colleges that the family can afford. They suggested Henry call some of the colleges and arrange to visit the ones that are on the top of his list.

00:08:34:15 – 00:08:56:11
Joseph
They talk with Henry about other steps you can take to narrow his choices. His parents help him to figure out how to make good decisions. First, permit him to take the steps needed to make a good choice. So I guess my first question to you is, how do you think we communicate here as a family?

00:08:57:03 – 00:09:32:21
Madison
Well, like you said in the beginning, the podcast is a really big communicative factor for both you and me in that we’re able to discuss teen problems or just aspect of being a teen since it is so complex. And while we have the research for it and we have, you know, the one on one conversations with each other about these issues, you asked my personal take on them and how we do as a family with certain topics.

00:09:32:21 – 00:10:02:26
Madison
And I definitely find this is a very good way for both of us to communicate with each other. We both learn different aspects about each other through this, and thus we communicate a lot better because we have this openness between us in the podcast and when we are able to talk about the various topics that we’ve discussed on here, it definitely helps.

00:10:03:03 – 00:10:20:13
Madison
It’s like it’s a really good way for us to have talks with. Also having the research behind it, to have the talks. So both of us know what we’re talking about and can both express how we feel about it.

00:10:20:21 – 00:10:41:03
Joseph
About with mom. I mean, do you have these talks with Mommy? Do you have one on one with Mommy? Do the three of us together have thoughts like how the Halloween as a family interacting? I can’t I certainly can’t criticize what we do from a podcast standpoint, communication. But outside of that, how do you think we do?

00:10:41:14 – 00:11:02:11
Madison
Well, I definitely have a lot of one on one time with mommy whenever she’s home or working. And I’m at home because I’m not doing anything. During lunchtime, we tend to have one on one conversations about either something we heard the news, just something that interests both of us, or just something that I wanted to bring up and and discuss with her.

00:11:02:28 – 00:11:11:05
Madison
And then for us as a family, a lot of the times for communication, we tend to have our dinner and at dinner we tend to talk about.

00:11:11:10 – 00:11:12:12
Joseph
We can have dinner.

00:11:15:00 – 00:11:43:14
Madison
Groups, family dinner, whatever we used to call it on here. I don’t remember what we originally called it, but basically it’s just like all of us would gather around for dinner at the table and then we talk about how our days when and then we’d have discussions from then and like take conversation points, bring up them and you know, we would definitely that’s definitely a big communicative factor that I feel we as a family all participate in.

00:11:44:03 – 00:12:11:03
Joseph
I would tend to agree. I think we communicate pretty well here and Mommy and I certainly communicate pretty well. And I can’t speak for for anyone else. I can only speak for myself. But I became an effective communicator through failure. Really. The you know, the times that I’ve been able to improve my ability to communicate have been the direct result of miscommunications.

00:12:11:27 – 00:12:31:10
Joseph
So it’s one of those things where you kind of have to do it. You have to exercise that skill in order to polish it. You know, it’s like kind of like a diamond, you know, you get a diamond. And if that diamond, you know, in order to make that diamond beautiful, you have to work about the cutting, you have to polish it and so forth.

00:12:31:10 – 00:13:00:14
Joseph
And communication skills are kind of the same thing. You have to polish communication skills. And I’ve made a number of mistakes over the years. I think just as in some of the complications with my relationship with Sam, where a lot of the reasons that we had issues, that was communication issues on my part and I’ve learned from those mistakes and I have a much better relationship.

00:13:00:14 – 00:13:13:08
Joseph
We communicate much better now than we used to, and I use those skills that I learned to have a better relationship with you moving forward to you kind of get the benefit from the mistakes that I made earlier on.

00:13:13:15 – 00:13:13:26
Madison
I guess.

00:13:13:28 – 00:13:21:19
Joseph
So I think that’s all we had on this topic. Did you have anything else that you wanted to add? Um.

00:13:22:05 – 00:13:51:28
Madison
I was going to, like, quickly throw in something I might have saved me and, but I kind of want to say, kind of bring up the fact that we are social creatures. US as a human species have been known to socialize, and thus communication is kind of something that almost everybody needs to deal with. Even if you’re the most introverted person that doesn’t like going outside and is not very good with talking to people, you kind of still need communication in some way.

00:13:51:28 – 00:14:09:00
Madison
There’s always some sort of social benefactor that goes along with it because there is always somebody you really socialize with. And as much as people are introverted for now, they still socialize with people and kind of need social interaction.

00:14:10:01 – 00:14:32:07
Joseph
Yeah, I mean, I can’t argue with them and anybody can argue with the fact that human beings are for you. There are those of us who are less social than others. But you know, if you’re going to be a part a contributing member of society, you need to be able to communicate either with your family, with coworkers, with people at school.

00:14:32:07 – 00:14:56:24
Joseph
It’s a skill that you need to have, and those that struggle with it tend to kind of arrest their own development, like in order to excel in a social environment like, ah, you have to be able to communicate. So we’re going to take a quick break. And when we come back, we’re going to talk about issues that can affect communication.

00:14:57:13 – 00:15:38:02
Joseph
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00:15:38:27 – 00:16:03:28
Joseph
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00:16:09:14 – 00:16:33:12
Madison
Welcome back to insights into teens. Today we’re talking about improving teen community creation and now we’re going to talk about the issues that can affect communication and teenagers. And this comes to us from better health. And I’m not going to add the tag on because it’s way too complicated. Anyway, adolescence is a time of rapid change, not just for the young person, but for the parents too.

00:16:33:12 – 00:17:04:00
Madison
It might be hard to let go sometimes, but parents need to recognize that a child’s job is to grow and become an independent adult. As a parent, you need to help young people through this process. Decisions can now be made together. Try to discuss issues to reach an outcome that you and your teenager can both accept. Young people have viewpoints that are different from yours or may take up activities that you don’t understand.

00:17:04:18 – 00:17:27:03
Madison
Try to see this as a good thing. They are learning to be their own person. You will always feel responsible for your child’s well-being and safety, no matter how old they are. When children reach their teenage years, they start to make their own decisions. Sometimes they make the wrong ones, try to support and not criticize. They will hopefully learn valuable lessons from their mistakes.

00:17:28:01 – 00:17:42:29
Madison
During this time of constant change, both parents and young people need to take time to care for themselves. You need to show you youth that you need to show you value your teenager and their uniqueness. Show them your unconditional love.

00:17:44:03 – 00:18:19:27
Joseph
The effects of negative communication can have significant impact on teens. Conflict is inevitable when people with different views live together, so the occasional clash with your teenager is normal and to be expected. However, ongoing conflict can undermine the relationship between a parent and a young person. Negative communication is a common cause to chronic conflict. Examples of negative communications include nagging, harsh criticism or standover tactics, such as yelling for compliance.

00:18:21:00 – 00:18:51:06
Joseph
It’s not always easy to recognize negative communication. For example, well-meaning parents may criticize because they want their child to try harder. You are a negative. You’re using negative communications. If your conversation rapidly deteriorates, the nagging, yelling or fighting, you feel angry, upset, rejected, blame, or of love or the issue under dispute. Does it ever improve.

00:18:52:29 – 00:19:21:23
Madison
Turning negatives in the positives? You can change negative communication into positive communication. Suggestions include negotiate how to communicate with each other, work out strategies to improve your communication, brainstorm solutions together. Slide to what is important to argue over a basic guideline is that safety issues like not getting into a car with a driver who has been drinking are always are always worth fighting over.

00:19:21:23 – 00:19:43:21
Madison
Other things like cleaning up the messy bedroom might be best to ignore. Just keep the door shut, offer constructive criticism, acknowledge and celebrate their achievements. They will know themselves when they have got it wrong and don’t need to be reminded by you. And finally instead a good example by apologizing when you’re wrong.

00:19:44:18 – 00:19:48:15
Joseph
So do you think we have a positive or a negative level of.

00:19:49:28 – 00:20:03:06
Madison
Let’s say it’s a pretty positive amount? Most of the time you guys aren’t nagging me about anything and we never really yell at each other or whenever there is yelling. You are normally just yelling at me and I never really yell back.

00:20:03:22 – 00:20:04:28
Joseph
Really yell at you.

00:20:05:01 – 00:20:12:03
Madison
But yeah, like I said, that rarely happens anyway. But when it does very rarely. You guys are the only ones yelling.

00:20:12:12 – 00:20:34:05
Joseph
And who does the nagging in? You can be honest. Oh. Hmm. Is it me or is it Mommy Harris?

00:20:36:10 – 00:20:37:20
Madison
Depends on the day, I guess.

00:20:39:29 – 00:20:41:21
Joseph
I would have thought I would have made more than Mommy.

00:20:41:21 – 00:20:46:08
Madison
Did. I mean, yeah, you’re technically more than anger.

00:20:47:05 – 00:21:03:29
Joseph
Or I’m the type of person that I tend to needle. And when you do something consistently wrong over and over, you know, like, I ask you to do something, you don’t do it. Then I ask you to do it again and you don’t do it. Then I ask you to do it again and you don’t do it at that point in time.

00:21:04:24 – 00:21:09:19
Joseph
It’s not nagging, it’s needling. At that point. I now at that point, I’m kind of rubbing your nose.

00:21:10:25 – 00:21:13:20
Madison
I mean, Mommy also does that so good.

00:21:14:13 – 00:21:17:28
Joseph
Does it help you eventually do what you’re supposed to do.

00:21:18:09 – 00:21:20:08
Madison
Kind of most of the time?

00:21:20:08 – 00:21:22:04
Joseph
Okay. So this kind of helps.

00:21:22:25 – 00:21:23:17
Madison
Most of the time.

00:21:23:19 – 00:21:28:15
Joseph
How do you think you are? Do you think you’re a positive or a negative communicator?

00:21:28:15 – 00:21:40:01
Madison
I’d say I try to be as positive as I can. I don’t always like try nagging you guys about stuff and I don’t always try to get my way by screaming.

00:21:40:22 – 00:21:44:05
Joseph
So I think you’re pretty passive in what you communicate.

00:21:45:03 – 00:21:52:28
Madison
Yeah, it’s like whenever I ask for something, even if I’m paying for it, it’s like, Hi, can I ask you something?

00:21:53:05 – 00:22:17:08
Joseph
I think you could serve your own self interest if you more assertive, say, because I think you tend to be able to communicate because it’s important for other people to know what what it is that you want, what you’re looking for, know you’re going to need to be able to communicate that and friendships and relationships later on with people you work with and roommates and stuff like that.

00:22:18:10 – 00:22:33:20
Joseph
If they don’t know or you’re not getting across what you want and in the direction that you want to go, it’s not other people’s fault. If they impede your intentions, it how about the negativity here? When we do have negativity, how do we deal with it?

00:22:35:02 – 00:22:56:06
Madison
Most of the time we would take time away from each other. We would go back. We would kind of the few times I have gotten upset at Mommy normally when I’m not feeling well or when she’s not feeling well, we’ll normally spend some time apart just going back to our own little world for a bit until we’re calm enough to talk to each other.

00:22:57:02 – 00:23:04:28
Joseph
About outside forces. Do you find that you communicate well with people outside the household?

00:23:04:28 – 00:23:37:00
Madison
Probably. I communicate decently with the friends I have and I try to be a decent communicated with most people. Most of the time I just I don’t deal with strangers. I can definitely tell that I’m not like the eccentric and extrovert that my mom is. I have issue talking with like people I’ve never met or just being in contact with people I’ve never met, especially if they’re outwardly extroverted towards me or like ask me something.

00:23:37:00 – 00:24:04:13
Madison
I have like get nervous and can’t really communicate. But I’d say with my friends, I’m a decent communicator. I’ve definitely gotten better. Like how you did with like learning from your mistakes and being a better communicator. I definitely did that. I used to I used to get into fights a lot with one of my friends and most of the time it was me not really being able to handle my emotions a lot and it would really just be over.

00:24:05:11 – 00:24:15:20
Madison
Not really important stuff. So I eventually learned to control my emotions and better communicate with my friends so that we don’t fight.

00:24:16:17 – 00:24:50:22
Joseph
It makes sense. And you know, with my job and having to supervise force and to be five people, communication’s kind of important. Not only do I have to communicate with my team, but I have to communicate with the management. I have to communicate with the other employees or our customers. I have to communicate with vendors and the one example that we speak of earlier, where the mom wants to return something and and she does it in a calm way and gets the reaction she wants.

00:24:50:22 – 00:25:12:25
Joseph
Communication does the communication can instantly set the mood. You can very easily say something or say something in a certain way or really one of the communication that’s difficult to do is via email. You can’t convey emotions.

00:25:13:25 – 00:25:33:16
Madison
Yeah, know, that’s the same way with tech messages. I ended up having a conversation with my one friend and we have so many times where what I say isn’t how I really meant to say it. And it’s like it’s really difficult to communicate that way. Like you can say or react to something, but it’s not as authentic as actually doing it in person.

00:25:33:25 – 00:25:43:00
Joseph
Right. And see, the thing of me, a lot of what I say a joke around, I’m very sarcastic and none of that can come through in an email.

00:25:43:00 – 00:25:44:10
Madison
Yeah, absolutely not.

00:25:44:21 – 00:26:02:06
Joseph
When I write E and think I’m very particular or to write emails in a very clinical and a very professional way where I don’t try to convey emotions, I try simply to convey facts in my emails. That way they can’t be misconstrued.

00:26:02:13 – 00:26:02:25
Madison
Yeah.

00:26:04:07 – 00:26:33:16
Joseph
As a result of that, I can’t draw on the communication abilities that I’ve developed. You know, I’ll track self-deprecating jokes to break the ice or I’ll say something sarcastic to get a rise out of someone, you know, something like that, where you play off the audience and you can’t play off the audience in any way. I know I’ve tried that or I’ve made mistakes in the past.

00:26:33:16 – 00:26:33:27
Madison
Yeah.

00:26:34:06 – 00:27:12:00
Joseph
And you come across like completely unintended in the way that you originally wanted to. And the problem comes in is that when the person on the other side wants to communicate emotion through criminals and you misread that, which this has happened at least half a dozen times with the owner of the company with me, where he comes across as though he’s joking around and I fall into that scene cadence and communication and that’s not what he was trying to communicate.

00:27:12:00 – 00:27:39:09
Joseph
And now I look like an idiot. So I don’t communicate, try to communicate emotions anymore. But that’s not a negative or positive. It’s how it’s perceived at that point in time. So I guess the point that I want to make is that when we talk about negative communication, negative communication isn’t what word you use, it’s how the person on the other side, the receiving side of that perceive what you’re saying.

00:27:39:09 – 00:27:39:19
Madison
Yeah.

00:27:40:00 – 00:28:08:25
Joseph
So a lot of times that communication, if it’s face to face, you can read what the other person is feeling. You can read their facial expression, how they’re sitting in their chair like your coffee, whether or not they’re fidgeting around or playing. You can tell if they’re paying attention when you’re verbally communicating with them. You lose a lot of that stuff, but you can still hear intonations in their voice and how they’re hearing things and perceiving things.

00:28:08:25 – 00:28:32:00
Joseph
By the time you get the text or email or something like that, all bets are off about, you know, you’re kind of in uncharted territory here. So you kind of have to know your audience and know your meaning. Yep. To understand how you communicate so we’re going to take another quick break as I find my mouse here, the mouse cursor.

00:28:33:23 – 00:28:38:28
Joseph
And we’re going to come back and talk about tips for healthy communication. We write.

00:28:39:13 – 00:28:39:28
Madison
Already.

00:28:48:05 – 00:29:19:14
Michelle
Insights into entertainment, a podcast series taking a deeper look into entertainment and media. Our husband and wife team of pop culture fanatics are exploring all things from music and movies to television and fandom. We’ll look at the interesting and obscure entertainment news of the week. We’ll talk about theme park and pop culture news. We’ll give you the latest and greatest on pop culture conventions.

00:29:20:12 – 00:29:50:16
Michelle
We’ll give you a deep dove into Disney, Star Wars and much more. Check out our video episodes at YouTube.com. Backslash Insights into things are audio episodes and podcast insights into entertainment dot com or check us out on the web at insights into things dot com.

00:29:51:00 – 00:30:17:07
Madison
Welcome back to Insights in the Teens. Today we’re talking about improving teen communication and now we’re going to talk about tips for healthy communication, how the communication takes practice and planning. Here are some tips to help you get started. One of the first tips I give is to use ice statements, say things like, I feel upset when you instead of you’re making me upset.

00:30:17:24 – 00:30:28:22
Madison
Steer clear of blaming or accusing them of purposely trying to hurt you. Be clear and direct. No one can read your mind. So tell them what you think, feel and need.

00:30:29:25 – 00:30:49:07
Joseph
Don’t push aside your feelings. Bring up things that bother you early on so they don’t build up and become bigger problems. Build trust. Unless someone is giving you a reason not to believing that they’re telling you the truth and assuming that they mean well, helps to establish trust.

00:30:49:17 – 00:31:13:17
Madison
Ask questions if you don’t understand what they’re saying or why. Ask questions. Don’t make assumptions. Talk in person. It is really easy to misunderstand or misinterpret a text message or email like you discussed prior. Talking in person or through a video chat will allow you to hear their tone of voice and see their body language.

00:31:14:15 – 00:31:18:25
Joseph
Don’t yell unless it’s an inanimate object, in which case them.

00:31:18:25 – 00:31:20:14
Madison
Often than than scream.

00:31:21:17 – 00:31:30:12
Joseph
Getting angry or defensive during an argument is totally normal. But if you’re feeling upset or angry, take a break until you both cool off.

00:31:30:21 – 00:31:32:04
Madison
Kind of like how me and Mommy do.

00:31:32:09 – 00:32:01:04
Joseph
Exactly. Be willing to apologize. Everyone makes mistakes saying you’re sorry, but meaning it goes a long way in helping to move on after a fight. So before we move on, I did want to ask a couple of things here. All right. So we the estates. When you’re trying to express something to some somebody upset, somebody says something that did offend you.

00:32:02:17 – 00:32:08:02
Joseph
Are you inclined to use the statements or do you talk kind of in general to.

00:32:09:09 – 00:32:33:27
Madison
I think in a lot of cases of somebody like is saying something I don’t agree with. I normally also give my perspective as well and won’t like try to necessarily blame the person instead of say, I would normally do like the whole I think. And like, I understand your point and this is my perspective kind of similar to that.

00:32:33:27 – 00:32:56:01
Madison
I don’t try to inherently blame the person for having their own opinion because I know in the long run, even if I feel my even if I feel my opinion well, even I feel if my opinion to me might seem better, people are going to always have differing opinions. And at that point, it’s really just. Okay, I heard you.

00:32:56:01 – 00:33:01:15
Madison
I understand your point. I’m just going to give my point so you understand why I don’t necessarily agree with you.

00:33:02:04 – 00:33:38:12
Joseph
And that makes sense. And some of the issues that I run into from managing a department is one of the single people. So if somebody does something wrong, it’s really easy to just pull them aside and say, Hey, look, you screwed up. Don’t do that and move on. But there’s a benefit that can come from that. And what I try to do when that happens and this is not a one on one communication thing, it’s a group thing when there’s a learning moment that can come out of something where someone screws up or does something wrong, I bring it up to the whole group.

00:33:38:19 – 00:34:01:07
Joseph
And because I don’t want to embarrass anyone or singling one out or hurting feelings, I don’t mention what the school was. A lot of times I don’t even I don’t even pretend that it come from the group talking in general terms as I can so that the whole group can benefit from it. So, okay, so you’re coming in 5 minutes late from lunch every day fighting it.

00:34:02:03 – 00:34:22:15
Joseph
Well, here’s the problem that we have with that. And I go into that and explain it to a whole group so everybody understands why that’s not a good thing. And I find that tends to benefit. I tend to get the most benefit from that than if I just corrected the wrong person. So from a one on one standpoint, I try to avoid doing stuff like that.

00:34:22:15 – 00:34:39:18
Joseph
But what about your feelings? Do you when you have a conversation with someone, do you try to push your feelings aside and have more of a logical, unemotional discussion with people? Or do you let emotion into it?

00:34:40:01 – 00:35:03:13
Madison
It definitely does depend on how I feel at that point, because I do tend to get emotional at certain subjects, but in a lot of cases is when I know somebody doesn’t agree with what I agree with, I’m off. I choose to be more logical and think, okay, I need this. It’s okay. I understand that they don’t have the same opinion.

00:35:03:13 – 00:35:32:22
Madison
I just need to hear them out. And then I can express my own thoughts and being a very logical person myself, it’s in a lot of cases it’s easier to think more logically than emotionally. But I definitely and I’ve definitely gotten better. Like I mentioned before, I did have issues with my friends where I was unable to control my emotions and that really damaged my relationship with my friends.

00:35:33:11 – 00:36:18:24
Madison
So once I was finally able to get them under control and think more logically about the problems that faced us, I ended up starting to better the relationship and I was no longer calling issues, getting issues. So if somebody doesn’t necessarily agree with me or if I’m having a conversation and like there’s an emotionally charged subject, a lot of the times I’ll try to keep calm and I really need to stop hitting the mic and I’ll think of what I can logically do in order to not upset the other person, not have me explode onto them, and just make sure that both of our opinions are out there and basically just agree to disagree or

00:36:18:24 – 00:36:22:19
Madison
find common ground building trust.

00:36:22:19 – 00:36:47:22
Joseph
So I’m old and I’m cynical and I’ve been burned a number of times. So trust isn’t something that I readily give at this point in time. Everybody, you know, trust on the scale of 1 to 10, everybody starts at a one and can work their way up or down from there, which means if I trust you, I’ll have a conversation with you, and then you can earn points in there.

00:36:49:05 – 00:37:01:19
Joseph
How do you deal with trusting people? Someone tells you something or promises you something. How do you trust people? How do you measure trust?

00:37:01:25 – 00:37:22:16
Madison
I guess a lot of it is based on experience, on if I know the person, if I think they’ll actually follow through with what they’re saying. I give complete strangers kind of what you said. I don’t really trust complete strangers unless I get to know them. And actually.

00:37:22:27 – 00:37:25:12
Joseph
By which case, they’re not complete strangers.

00:37:25:13 – 00:37:53:20
Madison
Well, yeah, but like, if I get to know somebody and I get to and they start to earn my trust through various ways and also earn my respect at the same time, then I start to trust them more and more. But if they’ve given me a track record of being dishonest or not following through with anything, or again, not even really knowing them, I don’t all I start to lose trust or I don’t really have trust to begin with.

00:37:54:03 – 00:38:23:18
Joseph
Okay, that makes sense. Apologizing for apologizing for some people can be the hardest thing to do in the world. And a lot of that has to do with pride and ego. Now, I don’t like to apologize. When I apologize, I’m admitting that I did something wrong. And you know as well as I do, I’m near perfect and I’m very rare, honest.

00:38:23:18 – 00:38:48:13
Joseph
I’ve learned over the years to swallow my pride apologizing. And they make a point in this article saying, you have to meet. There are a lot of times and parents do this to their kids, say you’re sorry and it says I’m sorry and walks away. The kid doesn’t really mean it. Yeah. Apologizing and meaning it means you understand what you did was wrong.

00:38:48:29 – 00:39:12:25
Joseph
And if you don’t recognize that you did something, then it was wrong. And what the impact was then apologizing is not going to do anything because you still think you’re righteous and you’re going to go off and do it again later on. If you’re going to apologize, it has to have a lasting effect. It has to change how you conduct yourself in the future.

00:39:13:20 – 00:39:41:23
Joseph
So that’s the lesson that I learned from apologizing is that I can’t just say I’m sorry and I’m not the type of person to offer a snap apology. If I know that I offended some, I’ll reflect on that and I’ll think about what I said or what I did, and I’ll think about how it affected you. And I’ll try to role play myself in just about every aspect of that, that transaction.

00:39:42:23 – 00:40:05:01
Joseph
That way I can fully appreciate what the impact was because I say things go well. Like I said, I joke around a lot and I’ll try to get a laugh to lighten the situation. And sometimes I’ll say things that are stupid and at the time they just sort of come out of my mouth and they before they come out, they don’t sound stupid.

00:40:05:06 – 00:40:22:04
Joseph
Yeah. And it’s something where it out of my mouth. I almost know once it comes out of my mouth it’s, it’s stupid and I want to pull it back in but it’s too. Yeah. And I see the impact of it and then the one thing that I’ve done is it’s made me think of these things and not just let them fly out of my mouth.

00:40:22:04 – 00:40:50:28
Joseph
So it gives me a little bit of a filter, but when I still do it and I will and I always do it because I’m very fallible, we’re fallible, some other people do. But when that happens, I kind of take it almost like a meditative research myself to put myself in that person’s shoes before I apologize. Because then at that point in time, I apologize.

00:40:50:28 – 00:41:13:22
Joseph
I’m not just saying I’m sorry. I’m saying I’m sorry. I realized what I did was wrong and I’m going to try not to do that again in the future. It’s not just so are you someone who can apologize? And when you do, is it a meaningful apology? And do you have any examples?

00:41:14:15 – 00:41:37:23
Madison
I definitely have at two examples of me apologizing. But I also do want to show a quick example similar. It’s not really me apologizing, but it’s an example of when I have to admit that I’m wrong. I am a perfectionist and I tend to be very nervous and upset and I get upset when I know I’ve done something wrong.

00:41:38:28 – 00:41:53:00
Madison
And there’s one specific example I have is when I ended up getting one of my physics tests back and me and my physics teacher had a good have a decent enough room, had a good, a close enough.

00:41:53:00 – 00:41:54:03
Joseph
You can say a relationship.

00:41:55:00 – 00:42:18:21
Madison
A close enough relationship where it’s like, I would feel comfortable talking to her. And I realized that as we were going over the now I didn’t get a perfect grade, but when we were going over the the test or quiz, I don’t entirely remember what it was. I ended up seeing that she ended up grading one of my answers correct when it wasn’t.

00:42:19:18 – 00:42:42:15
Madison
And it took me a lot to go up and say that she ended up getting it wrong. I ended up even breaking down at one point because I just hate I hate knowing when I’m wrong. And yeah, it really hurt to go up there, but I knew it was the right thing to do and that I’d only improve from it later.

00:42:42:15 – 00:42:54:29
Madison
So I ended up going up and she was very grateful that I was so honest and she ended up not taking off that many points because most of it I was correct. I was just wrong with the numbers.

00:42:55:15 – 00:42:59:06
Joseph
So I bought a number physics, right?

00:42:59:15 – 00:43:26:29
Madison
So yeah, as an example of me admitting when I’m wrong, I don’t really like to, but I will if I feel it’s necessary. Now I have two specific examples with two different relationships that I’ve kind of already discussed. One is my relationship with my friend Lindsey, and this was technically the last major argument we ended up having where beforehand, when I was really emotionally unstable, we would definitely have a lot of falling outs.

00:43:27:15 – 00:44:09:26
Madison
And this one particular one I was emotionally on, I wasn’t able to control. My emotions caused us to fight and then we didn’t talk for the rest of the day until the end. And at recess I ended up talking with my other friend Maria and I realized what I did was wrong and it was really affecting me. And instead of just going up to Lindsey and apologizing during our class, I ended up making a little bookmark for her and when we were ended up going back to aftercare, I ended up giving it to her as an apology, and we ended up going back to being.

00:44:09:26 – 00:44:14:07
Joseph
Oh, so you bribed her. Hey, that works things out.

00:44:15:27 – 00:44:23:15
Madison
And then my other example was with Mommy. Whenever I would have, I tend to get moody.

00:44:23:15 – 00:44:24:20
Joseph
You never know.

00:44:25:16 – 00:44:44:09
Madison
At certain points. And occasionally that can definitely show off to mommy, especially when it’s like, Oh, I need you to do this. I need you to do just her telling me, asking me to do a favor or something. And most of the time I’m totally fine with it. But when I’m not in a good mood, I’m normally like, Yeah, yeah, whatever.

00:44:44:09 – 00:44:45:21
Joseph
Sure, yes, you are.

00:44:46:08 – 00:45:03:01
Madison
And like, I know that hurts her and like eventually and like, I know she pushes about it and then just say, just give me alone, please. And then I spend the rest of the time kind of alone. I reflect on what I said, and eventually I go to her and I apologize, saying I don’t know what came over me.

00:45:03:14 – 00:45:16:14
Madison
I genuinely am sorry that I was that I was being moody to you. I’m in a better place now, and I want to let you know that I didn’t actually mean anything that I said.

00:45:16:24 – 00:45:42:06
Joseph
Okay. I think they are very good examples and I think they’re kind of characteristic to how a lot of people are. When you have to do a lot of these apologies, it’s usually a spur of the moment thing. You’re emotionally charged. Something bothered you. You know, you may had a bad day at school or a bad day at the office and you just kind of need to unwind or something like that.

00:45:42:06 – 00:45:54:22
Joseph
It’s usually not when you’re maliciously bad, you know, you usually don’t do things out of balance. Oh, I will get moody eventually if my daddy tries to keep talking.

00:45:55:21 – 00:45:56:18
Madison
Yeah, thanks.

00:45:57:10 – 00:45:58:06
Joseph
What else do we have?

00:45:59:06 – 00:46:18:03
Madison
Next up, we have dos and don’ts for better teen and parent communication. This also comes to us from Aces Dot Edu. So we only really have three major don’ts which are don’t talk down to your teen, don’t be judgmental and critical of your teen and don’t refuse to listen to your teens point of view.

00:46:18:15 – 00:46:21:20
Joseph
Don’t spit in the wind. Don’t talk to the man say.

00:46:22:05 – 00:46:25:08
Madison
Don’t feed the gremlins. Don’t want the Kremlin.

00:46:25:28 – 00:46:31:02
Joseph
Don’t don’t feed them after midnight and don’t go. Don’t want to work for you. I think some.

00:46:33:19 – 00:47:02:08
Madison
And then for the do’s we have, make it clear that you are ready and willing to listen. I really care about what you think. Your ideas are important to me and tell me how you see it. Lady, know that you are working to understand their perspective. What I’m understanding you’re trying to say is so what is really important, what really is important to you is I’m just saying what you heard your teen say, ask if you got it right.

00:47:03:14 – 00:47:27:06
Joseph
Express your willingness to work together with your team to arrive at a decision. You might say something like Let each of us offer some ideas on how to deal with this or How would you do it? Or What do you think should happen? Take time to connect with your teen every day. A meal together like we do a few minutes together each evening before going to bed.

00:47:27:06 – 00:47:30:21
Joseph
Like, you know, we have TV time, especially in the summertime with Big Brother.

00:47:30:23 – 00:47:32:12
Madison
Yep.

00:47:32:12 – 00:48:03:18
Joseph
Longer periods of time together on the weekend, which, you know, we spend so much time on a weekend, we’re practically climbing the walls to get away from each other, find activities that you enjoy doing together. Sometimes teens find it difficult to share what’s on their minds during face to face conversations, doing an active an activity together, such as playing games on the computer, preparing a meal, working on a hobby, or traveling around town can make conversation flow much more easy.

00:48:04:13 – 00:48:15:26
Joseph
Teens will say more when they feel relaxed. And I think that’s kind of the point with everybody. Everyone’s to be a little more communicative when they’re relaxed.

00:48:15:26 – 00:48:40:17
Madison
You should also permit your teens some privacy. Teens need time to themselves and and the road to not share everything with their parents. There will be more willing to share the important things with you if they feel respected by you. Promoting independence from you is a great way to show a teen respect. And finally, you should. You should allow your teen to have opinions that differ from yours.

00:48:41:03 – 00:48:51:05
Madison
The freedom for teens to have their own ideas and views helps them to become emotionally mature as they move toward adulthood and see a need to think on their own.

00:48:51:22 – 00:49:23:18
Joseph
So what are the things that you and I do which really is a form of communication exercise? And that’s our little debate. You know, you will each kind of fall on the different side to the topic and discuss it. And in doing so, it’s not really about the topic that we’re talking about. It’s that exercise of communicating. You know, we have different points of view and I love the fact that we have different points of view.

00:49:24:02 – 00:49:46:01
Joseph
I would never want you to go through life as a clone copy of me thinking the same thing, doing the same thing. Every time you have a different opinion than I do, that means that you’re unique. That’s you and you’re defining yourself. And I think it’s awesome. And when we have those discussions, it really helps to stimulate those communication skills.

00:49:46:01 – 00:50:16:04
Joseph
How do you get your point across to somebody that you’re doing it? When we do it, we do it on the level of equals. I don’t I don’t have that discussion with you. You know, on the level of I’m an adult, you’re a teenager, and it gives you that opportunity to interact at an adult level, you know, trying to form an argument, trying to form put together logic and interject facts and then counter what the argument is from the other side.

00:50:17:01 – 00:50:22:16
Joseph
And we do it as a discussion but we really do it a kind of as a as a play exercise.

00:50:22:23 – 00:50:45:02
Madison
Yeah. And most of the time the topics technically aren’t even that big. Like how do you refer like the one topic we had recently was somebody who shaves off the well, somebody like like you’re, you’re technically bald. Right. But what happens when you shave off other parts of your body? What’s that called? Right. And like we had a well.

00:50:45:02 – 00:50:50:22
Joseph
We had a debate about the cat who who you should have all the hair off the cat. The cat’s naked. Yeah. It’s not bald.

00:50:51:12 – 00:50:52:11
Madison
And it’s but it’s.

00:50:52:11 – 00:50:54:27
Joseph
Hairless. It’s a hair. That’s what it was. It was hairless.

00:50:54:27 – 00:50:56:29
Madison
Yeah, it’s a hairless cat, but it’s not bald.

00:50:57:00 – 00:51:02:05
Joseph
Right. So. And shaved my head. So I’m bull, but clearly I’m not hairless.

00:51:02:05 – 00:51:07:12
Madison
Yeah. And then there’s the bald eagle, which technically isn’t a bald eagle. It just looks bald.

00:51:07:12 – 00:51:29:28
Joseph
Exactly. And it’s it’s silly things like that sometimes. But sometimes we have more serious questions sometimes. You know, today at dinner, we were talking about historical stuff. You know, we were you’re the book that you’re reading for school that is basically a history book. And I’m reading it to you so that we can have those conversations. I think that’s kind of cool.

00:51:30:08 – 00:51:48:22
Joseph
Yeah. And I think that’s a great way to improve communications. Having a podcast, having a podcast has done wonders for your communication skills. Yep. You go back and look at our first ten episodes and it’s a completely literally a complete different show than what we have now.

00:51:48:28 – 00:51:54:24
Madison
Yeah, like I was very unwilling to talk unless I was spoken to or asked questions. You had to constantly ask weak.

00:51:54:27 – 00:52:02:22
Joseph
I had to ask direct questions to you to get you to answer them in more than just a couple of words. Yeah, it was agony.

00:52:03:08 – 00:52:05:14
Madison
Yep, I can imagine so.

00:52:05:14 – 00:52:27:04
Joseph
And again. And this is all stuff the parents can do with their kids. Get to know you, and it helps you to get to know your kids. But get to know your kids. Have conversations with them. Don’t treat them like they’re they’re teenagers because they might be in a teenage body, but they need to exercise their adult mind sometimes and talk about bigger topics.

00:52:27:10 – 00:52:53:21
Joseph
Yeah, we talk about politics all the time. Usually it’s a frustrating, agonizing discussion. Either way, politics are today, but you have to have those kinds of conversations. Treat your child, trigger teenager, also let your child treat your teenager on an adult level when it comes to communicate because that’s how they’re going to get their practice at home first and it’s going to empower them forward.

00:52:54:00 – 00:52:54:11
Madison
Yeah.

00:52:54:27 – 00:53:05:25
Joseph
Well, I think our last break and come back and get your closing thoughts already. Go for your closing thoughts.

00:53:06:06 – 00:53:47:17
Madison
All right. So to everyone out there, I just wanted to say that no matter relationship you have communication is key really. Like one of the biggest reasons that relationships either succeed fail is due to either the lack the act or lack of communication, and especially when it comes to teenagers and parents, that’s an area where it’s been common, place where communication is not always good or it needs to be improved, but like how teenagers are rebellious against their parents because of the lack of communication.

00:53:48:03 – 00:54:11:28
Madison
But as me and my dad have shown, you can have a good, good communication with your teens if you treat them on the same level. And you also apply the communication skills. We talked about in our podcast. So really the important message is just to have some form of communication and really any relationship you have and just really find better ways to have it.

00:54:12:24 – 00:54:16:24
Joseph
All said sage knowledge as always.

00:54:17:03 – 00:54:17:23
Madison
Thank you.

00:54:17:29 – 00:54:42:14
Joseph
It’s that’s it for today. Before we do go, I would want to once again encourage you to subscribe to the podcast. If you don’t already do so, you can find this podcast audio versions listed as insights in the teens. You can find audio and video versions of all of our podcasts listed as insights into things or available on Apple Podcasts and or a Castro Stitcher Pod.

00:54:42:22 – 00:55:01:25
Joseph
Anywhere you get a podcast, I would also invite you to write in, give us your feedback, tell us how we’re doing, give us your shows, suggestions. You’re going to email us at comments and insights into things that come you’re on Twitter at Insights, underscore things you can find high res versions of all of our videos on YouTube at YouTube.com.

00:55:01:25 – 00:55:23:20
Joseph
So much insights to the things we do stream five days a week on Twitch Twitch that TV slash insight to the things you can find us on Facebook at Facebook dot com slash insights and the things podcast or links to all that and much more on our official website and insights into things dot com and you.

00:55:24:02 – 00:55:33:13
Madison
And don’t forget to check out our other two podcasts, insights and entertainment hosted by you and Mommy and It’s Good to Know Tomorrow, our monthly podcast hosted by you and my brother Sam.

00:55:33:17 – 00:56:01:28
Joseph
That’s it. Number one in the books by one by.

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