Insights Into Teens: Episode 98 “Body Anxiety”

Insights Into Things

This week we talk about Body Anxiety. We’ll talk about what it is and some of the leading causes of Body Anxiety. We’ll look at physical appearance concerns in teens in general, how fashion plays a role in Body Anxiety, what physical self evaluation is and the difficulties in combating social expectations that lead to Body Anxiety. Finally we’ll look at some of the ways that parents can help with adolescents deal with Body Anxiety, promote a positive self image and better understand the challenges teens face regarding this topic.

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Show Notes

[INTRO THEME]

[TRANSITION]

  • What is Body Anxiety
    • Puberty during mid-adolescence (around ages 9 to 15) involves significant changes to our teens bodies.
    • Young people can feel anxious about bodily changes that aren’t in their control
    • There is often self-consciousness and worry about how their growing body is turning out
    • There’s an increased need for physical privacy
    • There is more time devoted to self-inspection and social preparation
    • There is more peer attention paid to personal appearance both good and bad
    • There can be concerns about gender definition and how to express them
    • All of these things can lead to Body Anxiety
       
  • Physical Appearance Concerns
    • As a child we are mostly unselfconscious of personal looks
    • With the onset of puberty and adolescence appearance becomes a primary concern
    • There is an increased preoccupation with managing one’s looks because they can affect:
      • How one is identified
      • How one is treated
      • How one fits in
      • And how one belongs to popular groups
    • The media, our peers and pop culture can set up artificially idealized models of attractiveness and beauty that influence a teens self image and concern about physical appearances
    • Kids often resort to comparing themselves to the idealized images of beauty which are more often than not fiction and not at all a representation of reality
    • As a result teens feel bad because they don’t measure up to these artificially established standards
    • Adverse side effects of this struggle include:
      • Weight struggles and eating disorders
      • Depression
      • Bullying
      • Use of body enhancing substances
         

[AD1: SSE]

  • Fashion Considerations
    • Dressing according to fashion becomes more important to keep up with and fit in with friends
    • A teen may complain they have nothing to wear while the parent complains about a closet full of clothes that fit just fine
    • Parents fail to understand that “fit” isn’t just a physical issue, it’s a fashionable one
    • Dressing for a secure, comfortable, confident physical appearance counts for a lot
    • A wardrobe that is in perfectly good condition but is last year’s fashion may no longer be suitable to wear at school or around friends
       
  • Physical Self Evaluation
    • Puberty increases the severity of physical self-evaluation
    • The body changes so rapidly during this time that each morning you wake up you feel as though you’re body has changed since the day before
      • A new facial blemish may appear
      • A new pimple
      • Maybe you can’t get your hair the way you want it
      • Maybe you look like you’ve put pounds on overnight
      • You may look exactly the same as the day before, but now you don’t like the way you look
    • Even the most supportive and understanding parents can’t help a teen’s self image in many cases because it’s not the opinions of the parents that matter most, it’s the opinions of the peers
       
  • Combating Social Expectations
    • Not all teens mature at the same rate
    • Some progress faster through puberty than others
    • Some may feel left behind as their friends bodies change faster than their own
    • If one is 14 but appears 12 looking so much younger can resulted in being discounted or pushed around
    • If one is 14 but appears 16, looking an advanced age can result in pressure to act that way
    • Sometimes a young woman will cloak herself in bulky clothes to conceal her maturing body because she is not ready for the attention this appearance change can bring
    • It can be difficult for a mature looking adolescent to resist the attention of older peers who invite her or him to act their age
    • Viewed as older than you are peers and adults can make unrealistic assumptions about you and what you want and have experienced based on your looks
    • When you start looking sexually mature there can be a social expectation that you are inclined to act that way
       

[AD2: Entertainment]

  • How Parents Can Help
    • Explain physical changes that can come with puberty so the young person knows what alterations to normally expect
    • Respect the importance of looks and how appearance now socially matters more
    • Understand the fashionable look the young person is adopting and what it signifies
    • Give adequate privacy for the young person to have the time it takes to get used to their changing body
    • Never tease about looks because they are no laughing matter
    • Never criticize looks because that attacks self-esteem
    • Tolerate changes in self-presentation through appearance because that is part of individual experimentation
    • Monitor bodily changes sought to improve personal appearance (like dieting) because in the extreme, damage can be done
    • Nurture personal valuing separate and independent of looks because that creates other pillars of self-esteem
    • Confront cruel self-deprecation based on looks because that constitutes mistreatment of self
    • Encourage acceptance of physical imperfections because the ideal is not real
    • Share your own history of issues with personal appearance so the adolescent knows the parent had this struggle too
    • See if you can help your teenage avoid equating personal worth with physical looks

[TRANSITION]

[OUTRO AND CREDITS]

Transcription

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[Music]

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insightful podcasts

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by informative hosts

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insights into things a podcast network

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[Music]

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[Applause]

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[Music]

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welcome to insights into teens a podcast

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series

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exploring the issues and challenges of

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today’s youth

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your hosts are joseph and madison whalen

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a father and daughter team

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making their way through the challenges

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of the teenage years

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[Applause]

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welcome to insights into teens this is

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episode

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98 body anxiety

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i’m your host joseph whalen and my

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brilliant and beautiful co-host madison

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whalen

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hi everyone how you doing today maddie

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i’m doing all right

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how was your week this week it was

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it was well it was calm but busy

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calm but busy okay well

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i guess busy helps to make the week go

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by faster right i suppose so

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well there’s something to say about them

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uh so today we’re going to be talking

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about body anxiety

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and one of the things that i tend to do

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is i go out and i

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look for different topics for us to to

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talk about

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and anxiety is one that always seems to

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come up with teens

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um i mean as a teen do you go through a

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lot of anxiety about things

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i mean yeah there’s a bunch of stuff i

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worry about

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and in fact i have the problem of

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finding something to worry about

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yeah that’s interesting

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um but body anxiety happens to be a

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topic that’s been coming up

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a lot lately on a lot of different

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websites and i don’t know if it’s a

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byproduct of the whole stay-at-home

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thing i know one of the things

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a lot of people have talked about is you

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know everyone’s put a few extra pounds

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on since they’ve been stuck at home

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so that might be driving some of the

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body anxiety and some of it might be the

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fact that you’re not

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interacting with peers and getting

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positive you know feedback from your

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peers about how you look

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all teens worry about how they look and

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you know

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how their body’s developing and so forth

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so without getting that

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that feedback from your peers good or

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bad i guess

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i think it might be driving the body

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anxiety a little bit

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so today we’re going to be talking about

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that we’re going to talk about what is

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body anxiety

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uh some of the physical appearance

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concerns that teens have

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then we’re going to talk some of the

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fashion considerations

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as you get into your later teen years

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what you wear becomes significant

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uh we’ll also talk about physical

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self-evaluation

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combating social expectations and then

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we’ll finish up with how parents can

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help their teens combat

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body anxiety but before we get into that

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i would like to invite folks to

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shall we get started we shall commence

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shouting

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so what is body anxiety why don’t you

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tell us what our definition of body

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anxiety is for today

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okay so puberty during mid adolescence

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around the ages of 9 to 15 involve

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significant changes

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to to teens bodies

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young people can feel anxious about

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bodily changes

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that they are that aren’t in their

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control there

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is often self they are off

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there’s often self consciousness and

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worry about how their growing body is

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turning out

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there is an increased need for physical

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for physical privacy

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there was more time devoted to

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self-inspect

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inspection and social preparation there

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was more peer attention paid

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paid to personal appearance both good

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and bad

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uh there can be concerns about gender

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definition how

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and how to express them and all of these

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things can lead to body anxiety

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so that’s a pretty broad definition for

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what we’re talking about here

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but before we get too deep into it

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let me ask you if any of these things

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are applicable

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to you obviously you

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you’ve gone through and are going

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through puberty at this point in time

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and you’ve seen the various

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changes that it’s caused

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with your body your grooming habits

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your moods and everything

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has that been something of concern for

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you since you started

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you were around what 11 when when you

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started

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with the changes actually around nine

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around nine

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so you were very early so has that

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has your the way your body been

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developing as a result of that is that

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something that’s been

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a concern or a source of anxiety for you

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i mean when i first started

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going through this i it was

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kind of a big shock to me um i actually

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found that my body was changing at

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school

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and then when i went home to both you

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and

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mommy i was kind of scared i was scared

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what my body was going through

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and i was scared that i was

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well i was kind of forming in i wasn’t

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exact

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i wasn’t sure if this was normal or not

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it was i i had talked a bit about

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puberty

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before but not to an extent

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of the point of knowing what was going

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on when i went through it

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so has it resulted in self-consciousness

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or anxiousness about how things are

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changing with

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your body where you’ve not been able to

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get the answers that you’re looking for

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i mean i’ve been able to get the answers

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to all this and we also had

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um we’ve also talked about it a couple

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times on the podcast

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and um school does also

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kind of show us videos about puberty

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um i think it started when i was in

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fourth grade

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we watched a video about puberty since

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many of the

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kids at that point were starting to go

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through puberty

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so how about the need for physical

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privacy

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and more time devoted to understanding

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these

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changes that your body’s going through

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do you feel as though

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that’s a need for you and do you feel

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like that need is being

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met at this time um i definitely have

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noticed that ever since i went through

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puberty

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i’ve needed a lot of privacy um

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i usually like to close my door

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when i get changed um even though

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even though you guys are my family um i

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am kind of self-conscious

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of um like when we go swimming

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i always try and wear like two pieces

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but that they cover my stomach

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i’m kind of self-conscious of that

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um so i don’t entirely

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i definitely think that i have wanted a

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lot more privacy

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um that ever since i went through

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puberty so how about the amount of

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attention

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that you devote to your

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personal appearance do you find that

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you’re more

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conscious of now granted we don’t go out

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very often because of the current

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conditions we’re honored but

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occasionally you go out to the store or

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whatever it is

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do you find that you’re more cognizant

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of how you look before

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you present yourself to other people at

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this point more than ever

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um kinda yeah um there was actually one

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time

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where we went to the supermarket and

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most of my winter clothes are like black

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are like dark colors but my winter boots

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are

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white light gray and pink and i was kind

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of like

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worried about it like i was kind of

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worried about wearing them because

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they were just such a they just stuck

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out of my

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stuff basically they were they

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were eye-catching when compared to the

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rest of my outfits so i was kind of i

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was kind of worried about that

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as for getting ready um i try to keep

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good personal hygiene at home

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but i always make sure that i have my

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hair

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um brushed um when we do the podcast and

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when we go

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out um so that i don’t look like a mess

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well that’s good i’m sure your viewing

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public appreciates that

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yeah um what about gender definition um

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you generally are not a

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very i don’t know the word described

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frou-frou

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you know you don’t like to wear dresses

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and dress all in in

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in outwardly feminine

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traditionally feminine style dress

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you’re much more casual you prefer pants

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over dresses

0:10:24.800,0:10:31.440
do you have any anxiety about

0:10:28.079,0:10:34.640
your gender definition when it comes to

0:10:31.440,0:10:37.760
your appearance i mean not really

0:10:34.640,0:10:40.800
um i don’t entirely like

0:10:37.760,0:10:44.000
wearing um feminine outfits

0:10:40.800,0:10:46.720
and well traditionally feminine outfits

0:10:44.000,0:10:49.040
and originally especially when i was

0:10:46.720,0:10:52.000
younger mommy would like dressing me up

0:10:49.040,0:10:54.240
in outfit in those kinds of outfits

0:10:52.000,0:10:57.040
especially on picture days

0:10:54.240,0:10:57.920
and i never entirely liked wearing them

0:10:57.040,0:11:01.519
they were just never

0:10:57.920,0:11:04.000
comfortable for me um they would i never

0:11:01.519,0:11:05.760
really liked either i don’t even like

0:11:04.000,0:11:06.640
having my hair down most of the time

0:11:05.760,0:11:09.760
which is why i

0:11:06.640,0:11:12.959
usually have it tied back right um

0:11:09.760,0:11:13.519
and it actually took me until a little

0:11:12.959,0:11:15.680
re

0:11:13.519,0:11:16.560
a couple years ago to finally admit to

0:11:15.680,0:11:20.160
mommy

0:11:16.560,0:11:22.480
hey i don’t really like wearing formal

0:11:20.160,0:11:24.480
traditionally feminine dresses i don’t

0:11:22.480,0:11:25.279
like wearing dresses skirts or anything

0:11:24.480,0:11:27.760
really

0:11:25.279,0:11:29.200
entirely fancy could i please just wear

0:11:27.760,0:11:32.000
some casual stuff and

0:11:29.200,0:11:32.720
so far it’s been good my last picture

0:11:32.000,0:11:35.279
day i was

0:11:32.720,0:11:36.800
wearing i think i actually wore a space

0:11:35.279,0:11:39.839
cat shirt

0:11:36.800,0:11:41.760
now that’s more for you it’s more for

0:11:39.839,0:11:43.519
comfort than it is for fashion sense

0:11:41.760,0:11:46.160
more than anything is that fair to say

0:11:43.519,0:11:47.200
yeah pretty much but for the most part i

0:11:46.160,0:11:50.639
do have my

0:11:47.200,0:11:51.519
outfits kind of representing something i

0:11:50.639,0:11:54.880
like

0:11:51.519,0:11:56.079
um but i can just wear i just like

0:11:54.880,0:11:59.839
wearing t-shirts

0:11:56.079,0:12:01.920
overall fair enough so all in all

0:11:59.839,0:12:05.680
all those things considered do you think

0:12:01.920,0:12:05.680
you suffer from body anxiety

0:12:06.880,0:12:13.760
i mean to a certain extent yes

0:12:10.399,0:12:14.639
i don’t entirely i i think it definitely

0:12:13.760,0:12:16.800
comes

0:12:14.639,0:12:18.160
it’s definitely from the privacy aspect

0:12:16.800,0:12:22.240
of it and

0:12:18.160,0:12:22.800
um and like that aspect of it i

0:12:22.240,0:12:25.600
definitely

0:12:22.800,0:12:27.360
think that has a bit i have a bit of

0:12:25.600,0:12:30.079
body anxiety for that

0:12:27.360,0:12:31.440
but for gender expression i don’t really

0:12:30.079,0:12:34.320
think i have a problem

0:12:31.440,0:12:35.120
okay good so the next thing i wanted to

0:12:34.320,0:12:38.240
talk about was

0:12:35.120,0:12:41.279
physical appearance concerns as a child

0:12:38.240,0:12:44.480
we’re most mostly unself-conscious of

0:12:41.279,0:12:46.240
personal looks with the onset of puberty

0:12:44.480,0:12:48.240
and adolescence appearance becomes a

0:12:46.240,0:12:50.639
primary concern

0:12:48.240,0:12:52.399
there’s an increased preoccupation with

0:12:50.639,0:12:53.440
managing one’s looks because they can

0:12:52.399,0:12:56.480
affect

0:12:53.440,0:12:59.680
how one is identified how one is treated

0:12:56.480,0:13:01.519
how one fits in and how one belongs to

0:12:59.680,0:13:03.680
popular groups

0:13:01.519,0:13:05.440
now right now with a pandemic in

0:13:03.680,0:13:09.120
isolation a lot of these things

0:13:05.440,0:13:10.720
really don’t have as much of an effect

0:13:09.120,0:13:12.959
right now because you’re not directly

0:13:10.720,0:13:15.120
interacting with peers

0:13:12.959,0:13:16.720
but let’s think back you know a little

0:13:15.120,0:13:18.480
over a year ago when you were

0:13:16.720,0:13:20.560
going to school and interacting with

0:13:18.480,0:13:22.959
people how much

0:13:20.560,0:13:26.000
did your physical appearance affect how

0:13:22.959,0:13:29.040
you were treated in school and how

0:13:26.000,0:13:32.320
others viewed you i mean

0:13:29.040,0:13:33.360
i definitely wasn’t popular i wasn’t too

0:13:32.320,0:13:36.399
well known

0:13:33.360,0:13:37.279
um i wasn’t like well known in the sense

0:13:36.399,0:13:39.440
that like

0:13:37.279,0:13:41.440
people actually wanted to hang out with

0:13:39.440,0:13:44.160
me i was kind of well known

0:13:41.440,0:13:46.000
though for my name because a lot of the

0:13:44.160,0:13:48.880
kids who went to my school

0:13:46.000,0:13:50.800
i went to i had classes with so they

0:13:48.880,0:13:53.920
kind of knew my name from that but

0:13:50.800,0:13:56.320
i wasn’t really popular on a major level

0:13:53.920,0:13:57.920
and i don’t really think my looks had

0:13:56.320,0:14:00.399
too much to do with it

0:13:57.920,0:14:02.160
um i know that some people like

0:14:00.399,0:14:04.000
especially during picture days with

0:14:02.160,0:14:04.639
people who knew i used to wear my hair

0:14:04.000,0:14:07.600
down and

0:14:04.639,0:14:09.120
um wear a dress like i’m pretty sure if

0:14:07.600,0:14:11.120
i went into school

0:14:09.120,0:14:12.240
wearing a dress and had my hair down

0:14:11.120,0:14:13.920
everyone

0:14:12.240,0:14:15.440
pretty much people who knew me would be

0:14:13.920,0:14:17.279
kind of shocked because they wouldn’t

0:14:15.440,0:14:21.360
really know that i look like that

0:14:17.279,0:14:23.639
right so the media our peers in pop

0:14:21.360,0:14:26.720
culture can set up an artificially

0:14:23.639,0:14:27.680
idealized model of attractiveness and

0:14:26.720,0:14:30.399
beauty

0:14:27.680,0:14:33.199
that influence teen self-image and

0:14:30.399,0:14:34.800
concern about physical appearances

0:14:33.199,0:14:37.040
kids often resort to comparing

0:14:34.800,0:14:38.079
themselves to that idealized image of

0:14:37.040,0:14:40.639
beauty

0:14:38.079,0:14:42.839
which are more often than not fiction

0:14:40.639,0:14:44.720
and not at all a representation of

0:14:42.839,0:14:47.600
reality

0:14:44.720,0:14:49.519
as a result teens feel bad because they

0:14:47.600,0:14:51.360
don’t measure up to these artificially

0:14:49.519,0:14:53.760
established standards

0:14:51.360,0:14:54.800
some of the adverse side effects of this

0:14:53.760,0:14:57.440
struggle include

0:14:54.800,0:14:58.320
weight struggles and eating disorders

0:14:57.440,0:15:01.120
depression

0:14:58.320,0:15:02.720
bullying and the use of body enhancing

0:15:01.120,0:15:05.839
substances

0:15:02.720,0:15:10.560
so with that in mind

0:15:05.839,0:15:13.199
do you hold yourself up to any of these

0:15:10.560,0:15:15.920
body images that we see depicted in the

0:15:13.199,0:15:18.000
media or through celebrities or

0:15:15.920,0:15:19.680
typical channels for role models is that

0:15:18.000,0:15:21.199
something that you hold up to or is your

0:15:19.680,0:15:24.079
look your own do you

0:15:21.199,0:15:25.600
do you own your look and and not have it

0:15:24.079,0:15:27.760
influenced by others

0:15:25.600,0:15:29.759
well i will be honest when i was younger

0:15:27.760,0:15:32.160
i kind of had that

0:15:29.759,0:15:34.800
but then later on i kinda realized that

0:15:32.160,0:15:38.079
all that stuff is completely unrealistic

0:15:34.800,0:15:41.720
and in fact i actually watched a video

0:15:38.079,0:15:44.639
in skills where it’s said that a lot of

0:15:41.720,0:15:46.320
advertisements are fully edited to get

0:15:44.639,0:15:48.959
rid of blemishes

0:15:46.320,0:15:49.759
and make them look like the idealized

0:15:48.959,0:15:54.160
version

0:15:49.759,0:15:56.320
of perfect and perfection and honestly

0:15:54.160,0:15:57.920
learning of all this i know i’m never

0:15:56.320,0:15:59.360
gonna look like that and i’m not gonna

0:15:57.920,0:16:01.759
try to look like that

0:15:59.360,0:16:03.519
i’m just gonna try and stay healthy and

0:16:01.759,0:16:06.320
make sure that i

0:16:03.519,0:16:06.720
um am okay with my body and i think

0:16:06.320,0:16:08.480
that’s

0:16:06.720,0:16:10.880
that’s probably the healthiest approach

0:16:08.480,0:16:12.959
that you could have regarding this

0:16:10.880,0:16:14.079
um i mean you see things a lot a lot of

0:16:12.959,0:16:16.320
uh

0:16:14.079,0:16:18.800
things take heat like uh barbie dolls

0:16:16.320,0:16:22.320
for instance where the barbie dolls are

0:16:18.800,0:16:25.120
present this unrealistic idealized

0:16:22.320,0:16:28.560
physical appearance of what you know the

0:16:25.120,0:16:31.040
female body should look like and

0:16:28.560,0:16:32.959
if you looked like that you would

0:16:31.040,0:16:34.880
probably be suffering from several

0:16:32.959,0:16:36.000
different eating disorders in order to

0:16:34.880,0:16:39.040
look like that

0:16:36.000,0:16:39.440
yeah but are there is there anyone out

0:16:39.040,0:16:43.360
there

0:16:39.440,0:16:44.160
that you see in the celebrity universe

0:16:43.360,0:16:47.360
that you

0:16:44.160,0:16:48.160
think might embody what you want to look

0:16:47.360,0:16:52.079
like or what

0:16:48.160,0:16:55.360
how you want to be perceived

0:16:52.079,0:16:57.920
well it’s kind of difficult because

0:16:55.360,0:16:58.959
not many people who are shown in the

0:16:57.920,0:17:02.160
media

0:16:58.959,0:17:05.760
are shown to have to not have

0:17:02.160,0:17:09.839
this idealized body not many

0:17:05.760,0:17:12.160
are considered to have body weight and

0:17:09.839,0:17:13.199
many are considered to be shown as kind

0:17:12.160,0:17:16.959
of skinny

0:17:13.199,0:17:19.919
and this kind of body that

0:17:16.959,0:17:21.120
we basically painted as what you should

0:17:19.919,0:17:24.160
be looking like or

0:17:21.120,0:17:26.559
what is or what the perfect ideal is

0:17:24.160,0:17:27.600
and it is kind of hard to find people

0:17:26.559,0:17:31.200
who are

0:17:27.600,0:17:31.600
shown that aren’t overly obese that are

0:17:31.200,0:17:34.000
just

0:17:31.600,0:17:34.960
you know regular people yeah that’s a

0:17:34.000,0:17:37.679
very good point

0:17:34.960,0:17:39.200
very good point very astute observation

0:17:37.679,0:17:40.400
so let’s take a little break

0:17:39.200,0:17:43.039
and when we come back we’re going to

0:17:40.400,0:17:45.440
talk about some fashion considerations

0:17:43.039,0:17:46.480
and physical self-evaluation and a few

0:17:45.440,0:17:48.330
more things

0:17:46.480,0:17:56.640
alrighty i’ll be right back

0:17:48.330,0:17:59.600
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[Music]

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welcome back we are talking body anxiety

0:19:01.760,0:19:06.559
today

0:19:03.120,0:19:08.640
so let’s talk fashion considerations

0:19:06.559,0:19:10.960
so dressing according to fashion becomes

0:19:08.640,0:19:14.160
more important to keep up with

0:19:10.960,0:19:16.160
and fit in with friends a teen may

0:19:14.160,0:19:18.240
complain they have nothing to wear while

0:19:16.160,0:19:19.760
the parents complain about a closet full

0:19:18.240,0:19:22.720
of clothes

0:19:19.760,0:19:24.000
that fit just fine parents fail to

0:19:22.720,0:19:27.200
understand that

0:19:24.000,0:19:29.760
quote fit isn’t just a physical issue

0:19:27.200,0:19:31.440
it’s a fashionable one is that something

0:19:29.760,0:19:34.880
that you would agree with

0:19:31.440,0:19:38.160
i mean yeah um while it doesn’t entirely

0:19:34.880,0:19:41.360
relate to me personally i do know

0:19:38.160,0:19:44.000
that looking um

0:19:41.360,0:19:44.960
that a lot of teens worry about looking

0:19:44.000,0:19:47.760
fashionable

0:19:44.960,0:19:48.480
and just because something fits doesn’t

0:19:47.760,0:19:51.520
mean

0:19:48.480,0:19:52.000
it they doesn’t mean it’s good for they

0:19:51.520,0:19:54.160
feel it’s

0:19:52.000,0:19:55.520
good for them to wear that’s a very good

0:19:54.160,0:19:58.160
point

0:19:55.520,0:19:58.880
dressing for a secure comfortable and

0:19:58.160,0:20:01.600
confident

0:19:58.880,0:20:02.480
physical appearance counts for a lot a

0:20:01.600,0:20:04.480
wardrobe

0:20:02.480,0:20:06.400
that is in perfectly good condition but

0:20:04.480,0:20:08.880
is last year’s fashion

0:20:06.400,0:20:11.120
may no longer be suitable to wear at

0:20:08.880,0:20:12.640
schools or around friends

0:20:11.120,0:20:14.559
now again under the current

0:20:12.640,0:20:16.559
circumstances

0:20:14.559,0:20:17.760
i think we can pretty much throw fashion

0:20:16.559,0:20:20.559
out the window since there’s no

0:20:17.760,0:20:22.159
socializing right now but under normal

0:20:20.559,0:20:24.159
circumstances do you

0:20:22.159,0:20:26.000
feel that it’s important for you to

0:20:24.159,0:20:27.440
update your wardrobe

0:20:26.000,0:20:29.919
every year for school so that you’re

0:20:27.440,0:20:31.280
wearing and even during school so that

0:20:29.919,0:20:33.760
you’re wearing

0:20:31.280,0:20:35.200
fashions that are the current trend so

0:20:33.760,0:20:36.559
that you fit in better do you think it

0:20:35.200,0:20:39.600
helps you fit in better

0:20:36.559,0:20:39.600
or be more

0:20:39.840,0:20:44.159
confident and comfortable with your

0:20:41.360,0:20:48.080
peers well i will be honest

0:20:44.159,0:20:50.320
there are a lot of um girl outfits

0:20:48.080,0:20:51.520
that are shown to be popular that i

0:20:50.320,0:20:53.520
would i know

0:20:51.520,0:20:55.039
that i know look nice but i’d never be

0:20:53.520,0:20:58.480
comfortable with

0:20:55.039,0:21:01.840
like one of them used to be ripped jeans

0:20:58.480,0:21:03.520
and i wasn’t entirely sure how i’d feel

0:21:01.840,0:21:06.320
with ripped jeans

0:21:03.520,0:21:08.480
um and when i first tried and it took me

0:21:06.320,0:21:11.440
a while until i ended up trying them out

0:21:08.480,0:21:12.159
and i ended up liking them um but there

0:21:11.440,0:21:15.200
were a lot of

0:21:12.159,0:21:17.600
other outfits that like they look

0:21:15.200,0:21:19.919
nice but i don’t think i’d ever really

0:21:17.600,0:21:23.120
feel comfortable with them

0:21:19.919,0:21:25.200
um i really just we’re

0:21:23.120,0:21:27.200
like i’m so used to wearing t-shirts at

0:21:25.200,0:21:29.200
this point that at one point when i was

0:21:27.200,0:21:30.880
cleaning out my wardrobe and i had some

0:21:29.200,0:21:34.320
of my old tank tops

0:21:30.880,0:21:36.480
when i put them on and and like

0:21:34.320,0:21:37.440
i could i could physically feel the

0:21:36.480,0:21:40.480
change

0:21:37.440,0:21:44.080
and it was the strangest thing

0:21:40.480,0:21:48.240
so how important is fashion to you

0:21:44.080,0:21:50.559
right now um definitely not the most

0:21:48.240,0:21:52.720
important thing i have the clothes that

0:21:50.559,0:21:56.400
i like and the clothes that i don’t like

0:21:52.720,0:21:59.760
and i really don’t try to

0:21:56.400,0:22:02.400
be up with the times um

0:21:59.760,0:22:04.799
every once in a while every every year

0:22:02.400,0:22:08.000
or so me and mommy would go out for

0:22:04.799,0:22:10.480
other clothes typically to get um shorts

0:22:08.000,0:22:13.760
pants or even some t-shirts

0:22:10.480,0:22:16.240
um and i really don’t try to wear

0:22:13.760,0:22:17.679
the fashionable outfits i don’t entirely

0:22:16.240,0:22:20.240
concern that

0:22:17.679,0:22:22.159
like i mainly just concerned about the

0:22:20.240,0:22:23.600
type of t-shirt the type of logo my

0:22:22.159,0:22:25.600
t-shirt has

0:22:23.600,0:22:26.640
like if there’s a funny kind of logo

0:22:25.600,0:22:29.840
that i think

0:22:26.640,0:22:32.559
like represents me i would wear it

0:22:29.840,0:22:33.919
that makes sense i understand that as a

0:22:32.559,0:22:36.720
kid growing up

0:22:33.919,0:22:38.480
um i grew up i think we’ve talked about

0:22:36.720,0:22:40.080
this in the past my parents didn’t have

0:22:38.480,0:22:41.280
a lot of money my dad didn’t make a lot

0:22:40.080,0:22:44.480
of money

0:22:41.280,0:22:45.760
so when i would go out shopping for

0:22:44.480,0:22:48.640
clothes

0:22:45.760,0:22:51.360
it was more for the necessity of clothes

0:22:48.640,0:22:54.159
than it was for the fashion of clothes

0:22:51.360,0:22:55.520
and as a result i wasn’t always wearing

0:22:54.159,0:22:57.280
the latest and greatest

0:22:55.520,0:22:58.720
you know i wasn’t wearing name brand

0:22:57.280,0:23:01.679
stuff or you know

0:22:58.720,0:23:02.240
any designer stuff or anything like that

0:23:01.679,0:23:05.120
and

0:23:02.240,0:23:06.080
you know i did kids didn’t make fun of

0:23:05.120,0:23:08.720
me

0:23:06.080,0:23:10.080
um and that was mainly because i was

0:23:08.720,0:23:13.440
probably the

0:23:10.080,0:23:14.880
biggest kid in the class and

0:23:13.440,0:23:16.400
you know you’re not really smart if you

0:23:14.880,0:23:17.919
make fun of the biggest toughest kid in

0:23:16.400,0:23:20.320
class so

0:23:17.919,0:23:21.360
i i kind of got a pass on that but i i

0:23:20.320,0:23:24.640
did see that other

0:23:21.360,0:23:25.039
you know kids can be cruel and they’ll

0:23:24.640,0:23:26.640
find

0:23:25.039,0:23:27.919
things to pick on and if it’s not your

0:23:26.640,0:23:29.200
fashion that they’re gonna pick on you

0:23:27.919,0:23:31.520
for if they don’t like you they’ll find

0:23:29.200,0:23:33.520
something else to pick on you for

0:23:31.520,0:23:35.679
um but you know sometimes the fashion

0:23:33.520,0:23:38.720
and the clothes that you wear tend to be

0:23:35.679,0:23:42.000
tend to paint a target on your back yeah

0:23:38.720,0:23:45.039
so let’s talk physical evaluation

0:23:42.000,0:23:48.480
puberty increases the severity of

0:23:45.039,0:23:50.240
physical evaluation the body changes so

0:23:48.480,0:23:52.480
rapidly during this time

0:23:50.240,0:23:54.320
that each morning you wake up you feel

0:23:52.480,0:23:55.760
as though your body has changed since

0:23:54.320,0:23:58.400
the day before

0:23:55.760,0:23:59.679
a new facial blemish may appear a new

0:23:58.400,0:24:01.440
pimple

0:23:59.679,0:24:03.840
maybe you can’t get your hair the way

0:24:01.440,0:24:06.159
you want it maybe you look like you’ve

0:24:03.840,0:24:08.159
got put pounds on overnight

0:24:06.159,0:24:10.400
you may look exactly the same as the day

0:24:08.159,0:24:11.679
before but now you don’t like the way

0:24:10.400,0:24:13.760
you look

0:24:11.679,0:24:15.600
have you experienced that type of thing

0:24:13.760,0:24:16.799
where you see your body changing so

0:24:15.600,0:24:19.679
rapidly

0:24:16.799,0:24:22.000
or not even see it changing you perceive

0:24:19.679,0:24:23.600
it changing so rapidly

0:24:22.000,0:24:25.600
that you may feel different from day to

0:24:23.600,0:24:27.760
day um

0:24:25.600,0:24:28.880
i definitely think i have that with

0:24:27.760,0:24:32.240
pimples

0:24:28.880,0:24:34.559
um because sometimes like as long as

0:24:32.240,0:24:37.360
they’re not entirely an inconvenience to

0:24:34.559,0:24:39.520
me i won’t entirely notice them changing

0:24:37.360,0:24:41.279
but if they are kind of an inconvenience

0:24:39.520,0:24:43.679
i notice that

0:24:41.279,0:24:45.840
um one of the big problems i always have

0:24:43.679,0:24:46.480
is that my hair always gets messed up

0:24:45.840,0:24:48.720
and

0:24:46.480,0:24:51.039
it’s always annoying to try and brush it

0:24:48.720,0:24:53.440
out sometimes it’s easy to brush it out

0:24:51.039,0:24:55.360
but actually today it was kind of harder

0:24:53.440,0:24:58.240
to brush it out

0:24:55.360,0:25:00.159
i understand but even the most

0:24:58.240,0:25:02.400
supportive and understanding parents

0:25:00.159,0:25:03.440
can’t help a teen self-image in many

0:25:02.400,0:25:05.520
cases

0:25:03.440,0:25:07.520
because it’s not the options of the

0:25:05.520,0:25:08.799
parents i’m sorry it’s not the opinions

0:25:07.520,0:25:10.960
of the parents

0:25:08.799,0:25:12.840
that matter most it’s the opinions of

0:25:10.960,0:25:15.760
peers

0:25:12.840,0:25:17.440
how and again thinking back to before

0:25:15.760,0:25:21.039
quarantine

0:25:17.440,0:25:24.240
how much were the opinions of your peers

0:25:21.039,0:25:26.240
a concern to you and how often

0:25:24.240,0:25:28.000
were those opinions expressed to you in

0:25:26.240,0:25:30.720
ways that made you

0:25:28.000,0:25:32.480
be a little more self-conscious maybe

0:25:30.720,0:25:35.039
well i will be honest

0:25:32.480,0:25:35.679
none of them actually really made fun of

0:25:35.039,0:25:39.039
my

0:25:35.679,0:25:41.039
outfit most of the time i

0:25:39.039,0:25:42.240
again i wasn’t really the most social

0:25:41.039,0:25:44.960
child um

0:25:42.240,0:25:46.720
i had my group of friends and really

0:25:44.960,0:25:49.919
kids didn’t entirely

0:25:46.720,0:25:51.039
you know like talk to me there were some

0:25:49.919,0:25:54.840
times where

0:25:51.039,0:25:56.400
especially at gym some of the girls

0:25:54.840,0:25:59.039
would um

0:25:56.400,0:26:00.240
comment about something and i’d kind of

0:25:59.039,0:26:02.720
get annoyed

0:26:00.240,0:26:04.080
but it was never really on my fashion

0:26:02.720,0:26:07.840
standpoint

0:26:04.080,0:26:10.799
um so i wasn’t entirely

0:26:07.840,0:26:11.760
it never really bothered me in that

0:26:10.799,0:26:15.360
respects

0:26:11.760,0:26:18.799
um but um i can

0:26:15.360,0:26:20.799
but um i did want to at least

0:26:18.799,0:26:22.000
kind of blend into the crowd i didn’t

0:26:20.799,0:26:24.480
want to be like

0:26:22.000,0:26:25.679
stick out in a good or bad way i just

0:26:24.480,0:26:28.640
kind of wanted to blend

0:26:25.679,0:26:30.320
in which is kind of why i just wear i

0:26:28.640,0:26:33.360
just wore regular clothes

0:26:30.320,0:26:35.279
no one really commented on on like

0:26:33.360,0:26:38.480
okay why don’t you wear a dress or

0:26:35.279,0:26:41.279
something like they never did that um

0:26:38.480,0:26:42.000
but it and my fashion choice and

0:26:41.279,0:26:44.400
actually

0:26:42.000,0:26:46.559
my fashion choice did end up getting me

0:26:44.400,0:26:48.720
out of social interac

0:26:46.559,0:26:50.159
of social gatherings specifically the

0:26:48.720,0:26:53.840
dances

0:26:50.159,0:26:56.720
um because they recommended formal

0:26:53.840,0:26:58.320
outfits and since i never really liked

0:26:56.720,0:27:00.960
wearing formal outfits

0:26:58.320,0:27:02.320
i didn’t go because i wasn’t going to be

0:27:00.960,0:27:03.840
forced to wear something i didn’t want

0:27:02.320,0:27:06.320
to wear so

0:27:03.840,0:27:08.159
i guess it kind of affected how i

0:27:06.320,0:27:12.000
interacted with others and

0:27:08.159,0:27:12.480
their opinions i mean yeah i kind of

0:27:12.000,0:27:15.760
took

0:27:12.480,0:27:17.679
some of them to heart um and like you

0:27:15.760,0:27:19.440
normally said their opinions shouldn’t

0:27:17.679,0:27:22.880
matter and i won’t really know

0:27:19.440,0:27:25.200
any of them later on in life um

0:27:22.880,0:27:26.000
but it was still always kind of hard to

0:27:25.200,0:27:27.919
ignore

0:27:26.000,0:27:29.360
others opinions of you especially if

0:27:27.919,0:27:30.960
they’re negative

0:27:29.360,0:27:33.039
that is true when when they’re in your

0:27:30.960,0:27:36.240
face like that it’s difficult to uh

0:27:33.039,0:27:38.799
to not have it affect you in some way

0:27:36.240,0:27:42.000
that brings us to social expectations in

0:27:38.799,0:27:44.559
combating social expectations

0:27:42.000,0:27:45.200
not all teens mature at the same rate we

0:27:44.559,0:27:47.440
know that

0:27:45.200,0:27:49.039
for instance boys mature at a slower

0:27:47.440,0:27:53.360
rate than girls do girls

0:27:49.039,0:27:53.360
tend to mature much younger than boys do

0:27:53.760,0:27:57.840
some progress faster through puberty

0:27:55.600,0:27:59.760
than others even in the same gender

0:27:57.840,0:28:00.960
some may feel left behind as their

0:27:59.760,0:28:04.080
friends bodies change

0:28:00.960,0:28:04.080
faster than their own

0:28:04.159,0:28:11.679
if one is 14 but appears 12 looking

0:28:08.559,0:28:12.880
they look much younger and result the

0:28:11.679,0:28:14.799
result can be

0:28:12.880,0:28:16.159
that they’re discounted or pushed around

0:28:14.799,0:28:17.600
because they don’t look like they’re

0:28:16.159,0:28:21.840
maturing as fast as

0:28:17.600,0:28:23.679
as their other peers but if one is 14

0:28:21.840,0:28:26.159
and appears 16

0:28:23.679,0:28:28.080
they look advanced for their age they

0:28:26.159,0:28:30.320
can result in pressure to act

0:28:28.080,0:28:32.240
more mature than they’re ready for as

0:28:30.320,0:28:35.120
well

0:28:32.240,0:28:37.039
having started puberty at a relatively

0:28:35.120,0:28:38.720
young age of nine

0:28:37.039,0:28:40.559
you’ve matured a little bit faster than

0:28:38.720,0:28:44.480
some of your your

0:28:40.559,0:28:46.399
peers have uh and certainly some mature

0:28:44.480,0:28:47.679
faster than some of your friends because

0:28:46.399,0:28:50.640
a lot of your friends are

0:28:47.679,0:28:52.159
are a little younger than you do you

0:28:50.640,0:28:55.279
feel like you’ve had any kind of

0:28:52.159,0:28:58.399
pressure or anything put on you to

0:28:55.279,0:29:01.200
act or behave at a different age than

0:28:58.399,0:29:04.640
you’re comfortable with at this point

0:29:01.200,0:29:07.200
i mean there’s always been this kind of

0:29:04.640,0:29:07.919
thing resonating with me that i didn’t

0:29:07.200,0:29:12.080
exactly

0:29:07.919,0:29:14.720
look my age like like in my normal

0:29:12.080,0:29:15.440
look i feel as though i’m younger i feel

0:29:14.720,0:29:18.559
as though i look

0:29:15.440,0:29:21.679
younger than uh 14 and

0:29:18.559,0:29:23.919
um and sometimes and

0:29:21.679,0:29:25.840
like whenever i have my hair down you

0:29:23.919,0:29:26.960
guys know you always say i look much

0:29:25.840,0:29:30.240
more mature

0:29:26.960,0:29:33.520
than 14. um and the thing

0:29:30.240,0:29:36.799
is i never really feel i never

0:29:33.520,0:29:39.520
entirely feel like i’m 14. like

0:29:36.799,0:29:40.480
looking at myself now i would say i’m

0:29:39.520,0:29:43.840
either 12 or

0:29:40.480,0:29:44.720
13 because it just i just appear that

0:29:43.840,0:29:47.039
way

0:29:44.720,0:29:47.760
and that’s kind of what got me thinking

0:29:47.039,0:29:51.200
like

0:29:47.760,0:29:53.600
i’ve never seen like it seems like all

0:29:51.200,0:29:56.320
the older kids when i look at them

0:29:53.600,0:29:57.600
like i never really look like them when

0:29:56.320,0:30:00.080
i am their age

0:29:57.600,0:30:01.279
they always look older than me and i

0:30:00.080,0:30:04.000
think that’s just because

0:30:01.279,0:30:04.960
they’re getting older or it’s just

0:30:04.000,0:30:07.520
because

0:30:04.960,0:30:09.520
there’s no real definition for how you

0:30:07.520,0:30:12.559
look at 14 years old

0:30:09.520,0:30:13.200
everyone every 14 year old looks

0:30:12.559,0:30:17.120
different

0:30:13.200,0:30:20.159
and there’s no specific body looking

0:30:17.120,0:30:21.360
there’s no specific body type for the

0:30:20.159,0:30:24.559
ages

0:30:21.360,0:30:26.720
of of 12 well of

0:30:24.559,0:30:27.679
the ages when you’re going through

0:30:26.720,0:30:29.840
puberty because

0:30:27.679,0:30:30.960
so many people change at such a at

0:30:29.840,0:30:33.200
different rates

0:30:30.960,0:30:34.880
yeah that’s a that’s a very good point

0:30:33.200,0:30:37.520
you know sometimes a young woman will

0:30:34.880,0:30:39.440
cloak herself in bulky clothes

0:30:37.520,0:30:41.279
to conceal her maturing body because

0:30:39.440,0:30:43.840
she’s not ready for the attention

0:30:41.279,0:30:44.960
the disappearance appearance change can

0:30:43.840,0:30:46.480
bring

0:30:44.960,0:30:48.640
and it can be further difficult for

0:30:46.480,0:30:50.720
mature looking adolescents to resist the

0:30:48.640,0:30:53.840
attention of older peers

0:30:50.720,0:30:57.440
who invite him or her to act that

0:30:53.840,0:31:00.720
older age as well so that can cause some

0:30:57.440,0:31:02.240
uncomfortable social interactions jude

0:31:00.720,0:31:04.399
is older than you are

0:31:02.240,0:31:05.600
peers and adults can make unrealistic

0:31:04.399,0:31:07.919
assumptions

0:31:05.600,0:31:10.640
about you and what you want and have

0:31:07.919,0:31:13.919
experienced

0:31:10.640,0:31:15.360
based on your looks so someone may look

0:31:13.919,0:31:16.000
at you think that you’re older and

0:31:15.360,0:31:19.440
expect

0:31:16.000,0:31:23.200
you to act older or perform

0:31:19.440,0:31:26.240
higher in school or whatever it is

0:31:23.200,0:31:28.480
when you start looking sexually mature

0:31:26.240,0:31:30.720
there can be a social expectation that

0:31:28.480,0:31:31.440
you are inclined to act that way as well

0:31:30.720,0:31:33.600
so that’s

0:31:31.440,0:31:35.360
kind of the that dangerous slippery

0:31:33.600,0:31:38.480
slope that we talk about where if you

0:31:35.360,0:31:41.519
start looking older than you really are

0:31:38.480,0:31:45.760
socially you may be pressured into

0:31:41.519,0:31:49.360
acting that way and and that can lead to

0:31:45.760,0:31:53.120
difficult situations do you find

0:31:49.360,0:31:54.399
that your teachers and adults around you

0:31:53.120,0:31:56.399
treat you the same

0:31:54.399,0:31:58.000
age that you are or do they treat you

0:31:56.399,0:32:00.720
like you’re

0:31:58.000,0:32:02.240
younger or older or some variants

0:32:00.720,0:32:04.000
thereof

0:32:02.240,0:32:05.760
i mean i do feel that most of my

0:32:04.000,0:32:09.200
teachers do respect

0:32:05.760,0:32:13.039
me for my age especially since

0:32:09.200,0:32:16.159
i’m a decently smart student so

0:32:13.039,0:32:17.600
i think they know that i’m not entirely

0:32:16.159,0:32:19.760
sure if they treat me if i’m

0:32:17.600,0:32:21.360
older or if i’m younger i don’t think

0:32:19.760,0:32:23.360
they treat me when i’m younger

0:32:21.360,0:32:24.399
i’m not sure if they treat me the age i

0:32:23.360,0:32:27.679
am or

0:32:24.399,0:32:29.080
if i’m if or that that i’m older it does

0:32:27.679,0:32:30.799
seem as though i’m getting a lot more

0:32:29.080,0:32:34.000
responsibilities though

0:32:30.799,0:32:35.919
um because um

0:32:34.000,0:32:38.240
i guess due to the fact that i am kind

0:32:35.919,0:32:40.320
of smart i think that kind of pushes me

0:32:38.240,0:32:43.519
over the limit of being 14

0:32:40.320,0:32:45.440
and maybe being slightly older because

0:32:43.519,0:32:46.720
i’ve definitely not been getting a lot

0:32:45.440,0:32:48.399
of responsibilities

0:32:46.720,0:32:50.000
especially now that i’m going to be

0:32:48.399,0:32:53.919
moving into the high school

0:32:50.000,0:32:56.080
so um i guess there is

0:32:53.919,0:32:57.360
that kind of middle ground where they

0:32:56.080,0:33:00.559
don’t treat me like i’m

0:32:57.360,0:33:03.039
extreme like i’m like i’m

0:33:00.559,0:33:04.480
a year older but they don’t entirely

0:33:03.039,0:33:07.679
treat me like i’m 14

0:33:04.480,0:33:09.919
either there’s some middle ground that

0:33:07.679,0:33:10.799
is where they treat me now do you think

0:33:09.919,0:33:13.760
that

0:33:10.799,0:33:14.080
that differentiation in how they treat

0:33:13.760,0:33:17.440
you

0:33:14.080,0:33:20.320
as a result of your physical appearance

0:33:17.440,0:33:21.279
or of result of how you conduct yourself

0:33:20.320,0:33:24.559
in their presence

0:33:21.279,0:33:27.760
like do you act more mature well

0:33:24.559,0:33:28.559
i definitely think as compared to some

0:33:27.760,0:33:32.240
of the other

0:33:28.559,0:33:35.840
kids um i definitely think i act

0:33:32.240,0:33:38.880
a lot more mature i’ve noticed that

0:33:35.840,0:33:41.279
kids my age can’t seem to be

0:33:38.880,0:33:42.320
quiet a lot and that’s nothing against

0:33:41.279,0:33:44.480
them

0:33:42.320,0:33:46.799
um it’s just they have pretty low

0:33:44.480,0:33:47.840
attention spans and i can understand

0:33:46.799,0:33:50.159
that

0:33:47.840,0:33:51.039
but i’m one of those kids who just stays

0:33:50.159,0:33:53.919
quiet and

0:33:51.039,0:33:54.880
just you know make sure to pay attention

0:33:53.919,0:33:56.559
to the lesson

0:33:54.880,0:33:58.000
although i also never really try to

0:33:56.559,0:34:00.399
answer questions

0:33:58.000,0:34:02.159
i’m just kind of the quiet kid

0:34:00.399,0:34:04.159
understandable

0:34:02.159,0:34:05.200
uh let’s take another break and we’ll

0:34:04.159,0:34:07.360
come back and

0:34:05.200,0:34:10.190
give some hints on how parents can help

0:34:07.360,0:34:18.399
teens who go through body anxiety

0:34:10.190,0:34:20.800
[Music]

0:34:18.399,0:34:22.480
insights into entertainment a podcast

0:34:20.800,0:34:24.810
series taking a deeper look

0:34:22.480,0:34:26.320
into entertainment and media

0:34:24.810,0:34:28.560
[Music]

0:34:26.320,0:34:30.240
our husband and wife team of pop culture

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0:35:20.240,0:35:26.480
welcome back to our discussion on

0:35:23.280,0:35:27.599
teens and body anxiety today so we’ve

0:35:26.480,0:35:29.920
talked about

0:35:27.599,0:35:30.880
you know what our physical appearance

0:35:29.920,0:35:33.760
means to us

0:35:30.880,0:35:35.599
and and how others perceive us and some

0:35:33.760,0:35:37.599
of the difficulties that

0:35:35.599,0:35:40.240
looking older or younger than you

0:35:37.599,0:35:42.400
actually are can cause

0:35:40.240,0:35:45.200
but let’s talk to the parents briefly

0:35:42.400,0:35:47.200
here and i’m going to run down this list

0:35:45.200,0:35:48.240
and i want you to grade how mommy and

0:35:47.200,0:35:50.640
daddy

0:35:48.240,0:35:51.520
fare with some of these hints here and

0:35:50.640,0:35:54.160
whether or not we’re

0:35:51.520,0:35:55.760
we’re doing what we should be doing okay

0:35:54.160,0:35:58.800
so on a scale of 1 to 10

0:35:55.760,0:35:59.520
1 being bad and 10 being great that

0:35:58.800,0:36:02.560
works

0:35:59.520,0:36:04.160
that’s our typical scale so the first

0:36:02.560,0:36:06.079
one they talk about is explain

0:36:04.160,0:36:08.960
physical changes that can come with

0:36:06.079,0:36:12.000
puberty so the young person knows what

0:36:08.960,0:36:14.720
alterations to normally expect

0:36:12.000,0:36:16.079
how we done with that and and how do you

0:36:14.720,0:36:20.560
feel about

0:36:16.079,0:36:23.839
how you’re dealing with it

0:36:20.560,0:36:25.760
i’d say i’d do a 9.5 only because

0:36:23.839,0:36:28.240
i learned a lot of that from school but

0:36:25.760,0:36:31.040
you guys have always

0:36:28.240,0:36:31.760
provided me with as many answers as you

0:36:31.040,0:36:35.280
could

0:36:31.760,0:36:37.040
okay good that’s reassuring

0:36:35.280,0:36:38.320
so the next one is respect the

0:36:37.040,0:36:41.440
importance of looks

0:36:38.320,0:36:44.000
and how appearance now socially matters

0:36:41.440,0:36:46.560
more how have we done a good job setting

0:36:44.000,0:36:50.240
you up with that

0:36:46.560,0:36:52.079
um yeah i’d say i’d probably give you a

0:36:50.240,0:36:55.440
10 on this one because

0:36:52.079,0:36:57.599
um you have shown you’ve told me that

0:36:55.440,0:36:58.480
i’m not going to look perfect but that’s

0:36:57.599,0:37:02.160
okay

0:36:58.480,0:37:04.000
okay good understand the

0:37:02.160,0:37:05.599
fashionable look the young person is

0:37:04.000,0:37:07.599
adopting and what it

0:37:05.599,0:37:09.280
signifies now i think we struggled a

0:37:07.599,0:37:10.480
little bit with this especially when we

0:37:09.280,0:37:12.640
came to some of the

0:37:10.480,0:37:14.000
school pictures but i think we might be

0:37:12.640,0:37:14.720
doing a little bit better what’s your

0:37:14.000,0:37:17.200
opinion

0:37:14.720,0:37:19.040
yeah i’d say a nine at this point

0:37:17.200,0:37:21.599
because now you’re still

0:37:19.040,0:37:22.640
you’re still trying to understand my

0:37:21.599,0:37:25.280
whole

0:37:22.640,0:37:26.480
i’m in fact i’m still trying to like

0:37:25.280,0:37:29.760
understand

0:37:26.480,0:37:32.160
mainly formal wear for me um

0:37:29.760,0:37:33.599
but you guys have definitely done better

0:37:32.160,0:37:36.320
with understanding

0:37:33.599,0:37:37.920
how i want to look rationally

0:37:36.320,0:37:39.839
fashionably

0:37:37.920,0:37:42.480
give adequate privacy for the young

0:37:39.839,0:37:45.920
person to have the time it takes to get

0:37:42.480,0:37:46.880
used to their changing body i think this

0:37:45.920,0:37:48.880
has

0:37:46.880,0:37:50.000
improved significantly since we moved

0:37:48.880,0:37:52.400
you into the new room

0:37:50.000,0:37:53.920
but what are your thoughts yeah you guys

0:37:52.400,0:37:57.200
have definitely been giving me

0:37:53.920,0:38:00.240
um the privacy i need uh

0:37:57.200,0:38:00.720
and i appreciate it so i’ll give you a

0:38:00.240,0:38:02.400
10.

0:38:00.720,0:38:04.160
oh well thanks that’s very generous of

0:38:02.400,0:38:06.720
you no problem

0:38:04.160,0:38:08.480
never tease about looks because there

0:38:06.720,0:38:10.400
they are no laughing matter

0:38:08.480,0:38:13.200
i tease about a lot of things do i tease

0:38:10.400,0:38:13.200
you about your looks

0:38:14.000,0:38:17.520
aside from having this urge to pop

0:38:16.160,0:38:21.440
pimples from time to time

0:38:17.520,0:38:21.440
yeah i’ll give you a 9.5 for that

0:38:22.800,0:38:26.000
uh they also say never criticize looks

0:38:25.440,0:38:28.880
because

0:38:26.000,0:38:30.240
that attacks self-esteem do we criticize

0:38:28.880,0:38:32.160
how you look

0:38:30.240,0:38:34.240
not really i don’t think so i’ll give

0:38:32.160,0:38:36.079
you a 10 for not criticizing me oh we’ll

0:38:34.240,0:38:39.320
see you’re very generous today

0:38:36.079,0:38:42.079
thank you uh tolerate changes in

0:38:39.320,0:38:45.839
self-presentation through appearance

0:38:42.079,0:38:48.400
because that’s part of an individual’s

0:38:45.839,0:38:50.000
do you do you think you experiment a lot

0:38:48.400,0:38:52.880
with your looks

0:38:50.000,0:38:53.760
um not really there’s very few times

0:38:52.880,0:38:56.960
that i actually

0:38:53.760,0:38:59.520
do experiment with it so can’t exactly

0:38:56.960,0:39:01.280
give you a grade on that because

0:38:59.520,0:39:03.440
i don’t really go through that that’s a

0:39:01.280,0:39:06.720
fair point

0:39:03.440,0:39:09.599
monitor bodily changes sought to improve

0:39:06.720,0:39:10.640
personal appearance like dieting because

0:39:09.599,0:39:13.359
in the extreme

0:39:10.640,0:39:15.839
damage can be done so how how are mommy

0:39:13.359,0:39:15.839
and daddy

0:39:16.079,0:39:19.440
uh are we intrusive when it comes to

0:39:18.320,0:39:22.800
your eating habits

0:39:19.440,0:39:26.079
and how you conduct yourself for uh

0:39:22.800,0:39:28.800
physical fitness and stuff like that or

0:39:26.079,0:39:29.680
are we just enough intrusive what do you

0:39:28.800,0:39:32.400
think

0:39:29.680,0:39:33.920
i definitely i don’t think like you’re

0:39:32.400,0:39:36.320
too intrusive on my

0:39:33.920,0:39:38.160
eating habits for the most part mommy

0:39:36.320,0:39:40.640
definitely tries to make sure i have a

0:39:38.160,0:39:43.760
good variety as well as being healthy

0:39:40.640,0:39:45.040
so i appreciated doing that um for

0:39:43.760,0:39:48.000
exercise

0:39:45.040,0:39:50.000
we have just dance now so um i’m

0:39:48.000,0:39:51.119
definitely getting in more exercise than

0:39:50.000,0:39:55.119
i did before

0:39:51.119,0:39:55.119
so i’ll give you gu

0:39:55.200,0:39:59.599
i’ll give you guys a nine for that okay

0:39:58.000,0:40:03.040
pretty good that’s an a right that’s

0:39:59.599,0:40:05.520
for us yeah uh nurture personal

0:40:03.040,0:40:06.160
valuing separate and independent of

0:40:05.520,0:40:08.240
looks

0:40:06.160,0:40:10.319
because that creates other pillars of

0:40:08.240,0:40:12.079
self-esteem so

0:40:10.319,0:40:13.920
the mommy and i guess the the real

0:40:12.079,0:40:16.000
question here is do mommy and daddy

0:40:13.920,0:40:18.400
value you for

0:40:16.000,0:40:20.480
for what you look like or how you

0:40:18.400,0:40:22.319
conduct yourself as a person

0:40:20.480,0:40:24.000
you guys value me for how i conduct

0:40:22.319,0:40:26.319
myself and if anything

0:40:24.000,0:40:28.240
ever does come up about my looks you

0:40:26.319,0:40:31.440
guys are always there to help

0:40:28.240,0:40:33.040
like mommy and i like mommy had actually

0:40:31.440,0:40:35.200
tried desperately to find me

0:40:33.040,0:40:37.040
a good bathing suit that i’d feel

0:40:35.200,0:40:38.720
comfortable with

0:40:37.040,0:40:40.160
and i definitely think you guys don’t

0:40:38.720,0:40:43.200
value me for my

0:40:40.160,0:40:45.200
looks only you value me as a whole

0:40:43.200,0:40:48.160
person so i’ll give you a 10 for that

0:40:45.200,0:40:49.760
yeah i mean you know for our viewing

0:40:48.160,0:40:51.920
audience out there you

0:40:49.760,0:40:52.960
you see how i dress for these podcasts

0:40:51.920,0:40:56.000
and

0:40:52.960,0:40:56.880
you know i i’m very casual and dressed

0:40:56.000,0:40:58.720
so i’m not

0:40:56.880,0:41:00.640
overly concerned about what people think

0:40:58.720,0:41:03.040
about how i look so

0:41:00.640,0:41:05.440
for me it would be hypocritical if i

0:41:03.040,0:41:07.839
impose that kind of

0:41:05.440,0:41:08.480
criticism on somebody else if i wasn’t

0:41:07.839,0:41:11.599
you know

0:41:08.480,0:41:14.720
concerned about it myself yeah

0:41:11.599,0:41:18.160
uh what do we have next uh confront

0:41:14.720,0:41:20.560
cruel self-deprecation based on looks

0:41:18.160,0:41:23.920
because that constitutes mistreatment

0:41:20.560,0:41:25.760
of self so do we do we tolerate it when

0:41:23.920,0:41:27.680
you make fun of your own appearance do

0:41:25.760,0:41:30.400
we encourage you do we

0:41:27.680,0:41:30.880
go along with it what’s our reaction

0:41:30.400,0:41:34.160
well

0:41:30.880,0:41:37.040
if i ever do make some

0:41:34.160,0:41:39.599
joke about my looks which doesn’t happen

0:41:37.040,0:41:42.720
very often

0:41:39.599,0:41:46.240
due to your tendencies of making fun of

0:41:42.720,0:41:48.400
us you might go along with it um

0:41:46.240,0:41:50.160
but if i tell you it’s a serious matter

0:41:48.400,0:41:51.920
you make sure to stay serious so i’ll

0:41:50.160,0:41:54.400
give you a 9.5 for that

0:41:51.920,0:41:56.960
absolutely i’m i’m big on

0:41:54.400,0:41:58.880
self-deprecating humor

0:41:56.960,0:42:00.400
i like making fun of other people too

0:41:58.880,0:42:02.000
much and if you can’t make fun of

0:42:00.400,0:42:04.480
yourself you shouldn’t make fun of other

0:42:02.000,0:42:06.079
people and because i like making fun of

0:42:04.480,0:42:08.160
other people i make fun of myself all

0:42:06.079,0:42:10.640
the time

0:42:08.160,0:42:13.119
uh encourage acceptance of physical

0:42:10.640,0:42:16.960
imperfections because the ideal

0:42:13.119,0:42:20.160
is not real how do we handle that

0:42:16.960,0:42:21.599
well you definitely um don’t exact

0:42:20.160,0:42:23.440
you definitely say i need to clean

0:42:21.599,0:42:25.200
myself my face more

0:42:23.440,0:42:26.720
because of the pimples and i can totally

0:42:25.200,0:42:30.640
understand that

0:42:26.720,0:42:32.560
um you also say that um i’ve also heard

0:42:30.640,0:42:34.960
you tell me that it’s better to have a

0:42:32.560,0:42:38.079
little more body fat because especially

0:42:34.960,0:42:40.240
if you went without food having some

0:42:38.079,0:42:42.400
extra body fat could keep you alive

0:42:40.240,0:42:44.160
so you kind of you got to go to the

0:42:42.400,0:42:44.720
extremes when doing that but you’re

0:42:44.160,0:42:47.280
awesome

0:42:44.720,0:42:48.240
you also make sure that i don’t compare

0:42:47.280,0:42:51.680
myself

0:42:48.240,0:42:54.880
to um the ideal and

0:42:51.680,0:42:56.800
um and you know my mind set on that so

0:42:54.880,0:42:59.280
i’ll give you a 10. so we’re we’re going

0:42:56.800,0:43:01.119
for the uh zombie apocalypse or

0:42:59.280,0:43:03.599
stuck on a desert island approach there

0:43:01.119,0:43:06.079
i got you

0:43:03.599,0:43:07.280
share your own history of issues with

0:43:06.079,0:43:09.839
personal appearance

0:43:07.280,0:43:11.599
so the adolescent knows the parent had

0:43:09.839,0:43:13.200
this struggle too

0:43:11.599,0:43:14.880
now i think given the nature of the

0:43:13.200,0:43:18.800
podcast it’s

0:43:14.880,0:43:20.079
fairly clear that i tend to overshare

0:43:18.800,0:43:22.079
you know some of the struggles that i

0:43:20.079,0:43:24.079
had as a team but do you feel

0:43:22.079,0:43:26.640
you get that kind of feedback from mommy

0:43:24.079,0:43:29.839
as well uh

0:43:26.640,0:43:31.839
kind of normally when i do have

0:43:29.839,0:43:33.200
when i am going through these issues she

0:43:31.839,0:43:35.680
talks about

0:43:33.200,0:43:37.119
um what she went through especially

0:43:35.680,0:43:40.720
since she’s also

0:43:37.119,0:43:45.200
um a girl like me she knows that

0:43:40.720,0:43:45.200
she is you’ve noticed that huh

0:43:47.760,0:43:52.480
anyway since she is a girl she’s able to

0:43:50.960,0:43:53.359
relate to me a bit more than you

0:43:52.480,0:43:56.319
normally

0:43:53.359,0:43:58.319
um do so um when i am going through

0:43:56.319,0:43:58.800
these problems she always makes sure to

0:43:58.319,0:44:01.599
relate

0:43:58.800,0:44:02.720
her she always makes sure to relate it

0:44:01.599,0:44:05.359
to her

0:44:02.720,0:44:07.599
to what she went through and even if she

0:44:05.359,0:44:08.640
can’t she always tries to make sure that

0:44:07.599,0:44:10.400
she knows that

0:44:08.640,0:44:11.839
i’m not the only one going through it

0:44:10.400,0:44:13.839
and that’s important

0:44:11.839,0:44:15.040
because you know misery loves company

0:44:13.839,0:44:16.560
yeah

0:44:15.040,0:44:18.880
and the last one that we have here is

0:44:16.560,0:44:21.599
see if you can help your teenager

0:44:18.880,0:44:22.240
avoid equating personal worth with

0:44:21.599,0:44:25.680
physical

0:44:22.240,0:44:28.480
looks do you think

0:44:25.680,0:44:30.640
your self-worth has anything to do with

0:44:28.480,0:44:33.760
your physical appearance

0:44:30.640,0:44:37.760
nope um thanks to you guys

0:44:33.760,0:44:40.160
you always tell me that um i think it

0:44:37.760,0:44:41.119
it partially has to do with your

0:44:40.160,0:44:45.359
encouragement

0:44:41.119,0:44:48.160
of my intellect and my creativity

0:44:45.359,0:44:49.760
um and when i am going through these

0:44:48.160,0:44:52.160
personal challenges

0:44:49.760,0:44:54.400
you just make sure that i get through it

0:44:52.160,0:44:57.520
you don’t ever really praise me for

0:44:54.400,0:45:00.160
looking decent or any you just

0:44:57.520,0:45:00.800
well you praise me as long as i you know

0:45:00.160,0:45:04.160
stay

0:45:00.800,0:45:05.520
clean um

0:45:04.160,0:45:08.720
not even going to read into that one

0:45:05.520,0:45:12.400
okay we’ll just we’ll just stop it there

0:45:08.720,0:45:13.599
um that was it for what we had here

0:45:12.400,0:45:15.119
we’re going to take a quick break we’ll

0:45:13.599,0:45:17.040
come back and we’ll get your closing

0:45:15.119,0:45:19.839
thoughts and shout outs if you have any

0:45:17.040,0:45:19.839
okay

0:45:22.800,0:45:27.200
go for your closing remarks okay so to

0:45:25.839,0:45:31.040
anyone out there who

0:45:27.200,0:45:33.440
is suffering um from body anxiety

0:45:31.040,0:45:34.800
just know that you should never you

0:45:33.440,0:45:37.280
should never

0:45:34.800,0:45:38.319
think the way you look defines you as a

0:45:37.280,0:45:40.560
person

0:45:38.319,0:45:41.839
you have you have so many other

0:45:40.560,0:45:45.440
qualities about you

0:45:41.839,0:45:48.800
that make you who you are and

0:45:45.440,0:45:51.839
the ideal that we have in society is

0:45:48.800,0:45:54.480
not realistic in the slightest and

0:45:51.839,0:45:55.280
you shouldn’t compare yourself to anyone

0:45:54.480,0:45:58.640
okay

0:45:55.280,0:46:01.200
i think that’s uh sage advice like usual

0:45:58.640,0:46:02.560
thank you before we go i would encourage

0:46:01.200,0:46:05.440
folks to

0:46:02.560,0:46:06.480
subscribe to the podcast you can get our

0:46:05.440,0:46:09.680
audio versions

0:46:06.480,0:46:10.800
listed as insights into teens on

0:46:09.680,0:46:13.200
pretty much any place you can get

0:46:10.800,0:46:14.800
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0:46:13.200,0:46:19.920
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0:46:14.800,0:46:22.960
tunein amazon google etc etc

0:46:19.920,0:46:24.079
i would also suggest you check out our

0:46:22.960,0:46:26.640
video versions

0:46:24.079,0:46:27.680
of our podcast all listed on the same

0:46:26.640,0:46:29.760
sites

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[Music]

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you

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