Insights Into Teens: Episode 83 “Self-Esteem Revisited”

In the latest of our “revisited” series we take a deeper look into Self-Esteem, a podcast we did back in episode 5. This time we dig deeper into how to manage self esteem. We’ll explore the six pillars of Self-Esteem and go into details regarding how these guiding principles combined with the tips and tricks we talked about in our original podcast can help you improve and manage your self esteem.

We’ll also recap what we had talked about in Episode 5. We review the signs of high-self esteem as well as the warning signs of low self-esteem. Madison will explore which of each characteristic she exhibits today as opposed to when we first discussed this topic in Episode 5. Then we’ll do a quick review of where Madison was at the start of the podcast series and where she is today complete with a rating of each time period.

The podcast finishes with some helpful advice from Madison on how others who faced self-esteem issues can pick themselves up and improve their overall estimation of themselves and their outlook on life in general.

Show Notes

[INTRO THEME]

[TRANSITION]

  • What is self esteem
    • (Psychology Today) Confidence in one’s value as a human being is a precious psychological resource and generally a highly positive factor in life. It is correlated with achievement, good relationships and satisfaction. Possessing little self- regard can lead people to become depressed, to fall short of their potential, or to tolerate abusive situations and relationships.
  • The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem
  • https://experiencelife.com/article/the-six-pillars-of-self-esteem/
  • https://bit.ly/3mNFxhs
    • Self-esteem is not an idea or an affirmation. It’s a practice.
    • “What determines the level of self-esteem is what the individual does,” he writes.
    • It’s nice to talk about ideas, memorize inspiring words and get an intellectual understanding of something.
    • But it’s what we do that leads to our self-esteem.
    • “A ‘practice’ implies a discipline of acting in a certain way over and over again — consistently.”
    • So, let’s remember it’s not about memorizing inspiring words or having stimulating conversations, it’s about practicing and living our core truths.
       
  • Living Consciously
    • This means that we’re present in each moment and aware of what’s going on inside of us as well as around us.
    • We don’t ignore information that we don’t like, and we pay attention to our emotions.
    • People who are living consciously are able to focus on what is happening now, and to stop thinking about the past and the future.
       
  • Self-Acceptance
    • It means that we accept ourselves unconditionally.
    • We are compassionate toward ourselves even when we don’t admire our own feelings or decisions.
    • These factors do not change our respect for ourselves.
       

[AD1: SSE]

  • The Six Pillars of Self Esteem continued
     
  • Self-Responsibility
    • This means recognizing that we’re in charge of our own choices and actions, and that no one else can make them, change them, or fix them for us.
    • We don’t blame others for our own choices, and don’t expect others to make us happy.
       
  • Self-Assertiveness
    • It’s the practice of honoring our needs and interests and of expressing them in appropriate ways.
    • We know that it’s okay to have needs, and that it’s acceptable to let others know about them in a healthy way.
       
  • Living Purposefully
    • This is all about our goals.
    • If we’re living purposefully, we set goals, and make plans that will allow us to reach them.
    • We live with these goals in mind.
       
  • Personal Integrity
    • This means that we have convictions about what behavior is appropriate, and we keep our behavior in line with that standard.
    • You might summarize this pillar by saying that we ‘walk our talk.’

[AD2: ENTERTAINMENT]

  • The signs of high self-esteem
    • Confidence
    • Ability to say no
    • Positive outlook
    • Accept strengths and weaknesses
    • Not letting the negatives affect your perspective.
    • Ability to express needs.
       
  • Warning signs of low self-esteem:
    • Negative outlook
    • Lack of confidence
    • Tend to focus on weaknesses
    • Feelings of shame or anxiety
    • Trouble accepting positive feedback
    • Feeling others are better than you.
    • Fear failure
       
  • Review
    • On a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the highest where would you rate your self-esteem at the time of the original Episode (5)
    • What were some of the factors that influenced that level of self-esteem at the time
    • How things have changed.
      • How is my self-esteem now?
      • How do I relate with the signs of high self-esteem and the warning signs of low self esteem.
      • How has my self-esteem increased over the past year.
      • Any advice I’d recommend to people with lower self-esteem.

[TRANSITION]

[OUTRO AND CREDITS]

Transcription

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[Music]

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insightful podcasts

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by informative hosts

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[Music]

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insights into things a podcast network

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[Music]

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welcome to insights into teens a podcast

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series exploring the issues and

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challenges of today’s youth

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your hosts are joseph and madison whalen

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a father and daughter team

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making their way through the challenges

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of the teenage years

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welcome to insights into teens

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this is episode 83 self-esteem revisited

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i am your host joseph whalen and i’m

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joined

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by my intelligent and confident co-host

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madison whalen

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hi everyone how you doing today maddie

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i’m doing pretty well

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i was uh how was this week your second

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full week of school

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well the school stress finally kicked in

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yeah i kind of knew that was gonna

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happen yep um

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technology issues were kind of

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um a main factor and the stress as well

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so yeah well you know working in the

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technology field

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uh i can certainly vouch for the fact

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that

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no matter how hard you try and how much

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you plan and how much you test

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technical issues will always continue to

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crop up

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hopefully as you guys go through the

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next few weeks things will smooth out a

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little bit they did make an announcement

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that they’re extending the

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remote schooling for your school for

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another month right

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so not that that’s going to affect you

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because you’re going to be working

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you’re going to be homeschooling for the

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duration

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at least for right now but that may be

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motivation enough

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for the teachers and the technology

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staff at the school

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to redouble their efforts to try to

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smooth things out

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but that’s not what we’re talking about

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today is it nope what are we talking

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about today

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self-esteem so this was one that you

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decided you wanted to revisit

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what was your reasoning for wanting to

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revisit this topic

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well first off self-esteem um

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it was one of the podcasts i had in mind

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it was one of our older podcasts

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that um and we had already revisited

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um braces and i’m thinking and i’m

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thinking about other ones and

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self-esteem came up

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and i’d actually watched well

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listened to my self-esteem podcast

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and i realized a lot has changed from

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um then and now yeah so

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so one of the things that we wanted to

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do was to kind of do an update

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on where you are from a self-esteem

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standpoint uh what progress that you’ve

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made

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but i wanted to expound a little bit as

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well so we’re going to be talking about

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some more advanced concepts

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of self-esteem called the six pillars of

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self-esteem

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just to kind of reinforce what we talked

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about last time

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but we’ll recap where you are and how

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things are going and

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and go from there before we do that

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though i do want to

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uh invite folks to subscribe to the

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podcast you can get us on apple podcast

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now with all that out of the way are we

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ready to start the show

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yep all right

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so what is self-esteem so this was a

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definition that we took from psychology

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today

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during the original self-esteem podcast

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why don’t you tell us and

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we’ll start off with that why don’t you

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tell us what we define as self-esteem

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well um you can just read the definition

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okay

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so confidence in one’s value as a human

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being is a

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precious physiological resource and

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generally a high positive

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a highly positive factor in life it is

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corrected with achievement good

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relationships

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correlated sorry it is correlated

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with achievement good relationships and

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satisfaction

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process possessing possessing

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a little self-regard can lead people to

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become depressed

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to fall short in their potential or to

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tolerate abusive situations in

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relationships

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and that is that is still the definition

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that we’re going to go with here because

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i think it’s pretty all-encompassing

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when we talk about self-esteem in teens

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let’s talk briefly how that

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definition and how your status was

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when we did the last podcast can you

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recall what your self-esteem

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status was back then well listening to

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how i was talking back then

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it seemed as though i didn’t have

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very good self-esteem when we were doing

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the podcast

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because um we’d gone over the positive

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side effects

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of good self-esteem and the warning

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signs of low self-esteem

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and i seem to fall have a lot of

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negative traits and not very many

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positive traits

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yeah yeah so i think we’ve come a long

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way since then

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before we get into the uh

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review of where you are and the progress

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that you’ve made

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i did want to talk a little bit about

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the six pillars of self-esteem which is

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kind of

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it’s a philosophy and it’s

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a psychological set of terms that that

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the industry uses

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and this comes from a website called

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experiencelife.com

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and they they talk about self-esteem

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as not being an idea or an affirmation

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they talk about it being a practice

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what determines the level of self-esteem

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is what the

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individual does so it’s really an

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actionable type of thing

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it’s nice to talk about ideas and

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memorize inspiring words and get an

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intellectual understanding of something

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but it’s what we do that leads to our

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own self-esteem so you can

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read all the books and listen to the

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podcast

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but if you’re not doing the things that

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you need to do

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to uplift your self-esteem none of that

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matters right

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so they go on to say that a practice

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implies

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a discipline of acting in a certain way

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and over and over again acting that way

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consistently

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honesty is another practice you know

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when you are always honest

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you’re honest consistently it’s a policy

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that you go by it’s a personal

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philosophy that you adhere to

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and that’s how you lead your life

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self-esteem is the same thing when you

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take

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actionable intent to improve your

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self-esteem

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and i say let’s remember it’s not about

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memorizing inspiring words or having

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stimulating conversations

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it’s about practicing and living our

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core truths

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so if you believe that you have

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self-worth

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and if you take actions consistent with

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that

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then that helps to build your

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self-confidence

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and i think that’s something that you’ve

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experienced since the last podcast is

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that

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even without talking about the six

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pillars of self-esteem

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in the past you’ve taken what we talked

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about last time and you’ve applied it to

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real life

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you know you have that level of

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confidence you have

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and you can hear it just in how you

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speak in the podcast and how you assert

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yourself

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in in general you know you understand

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how valuable your opinion is and how

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valuable your input is

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and that’s something that that really

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feeds into your self-esteem what do you

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think about that

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yeah i definitely would agree i

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definitely think that

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um feeling strength of your opinion

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and feeling that your opinion matters is

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definitely like

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something that is definitely directly

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linked towards self-esteem because

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then you’re not downgrading yourself

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saying like oh

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maybe what i’m thinking is

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wrong or bad or no one would want to

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hear it

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because then that can lead to lower to

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lower your self-esteem and

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having the direct correlation to

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my opinion matters or what i say

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does matter is definitely um some an

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example of positive self-esteem

0:10:43.360,0:10:49.279
absolutely and and the first pillar of

0:10:46.800,0:10:50.720
self-esteem that they mention

0:10:49.279,0:10:54.079
is something they call living

0:10:50.720,0:10:56.000
consciously and they say this means

0:10:54.079,0:10:57.440
that we’re present in each moment and

0:10:56.000,0:11:00.560
aware of what’s going on

0:10:57.440,0:11:02.480
inside of us as well as around us we

0:11:00.560,0:11:02.959
don’t ignore information that we don’t

0:11:02.480,0:11:05.920
like

0:11:02.959,0:11:07.680
and we pay attention to our emotions

0:11:05.920,0:11:08.560
people who are living consciously are

0:11:07.680,0:11:11.600
able to focus

0:11:08.560,0:11:14.000
on what’s happening now and to stop

0:11:11.600,0:11:15.279
thinking about the past and the future

0:11:14.000,0:11:17.200
so the

0:11:15.279,0:11:18.480
the gist of this is that you’re living

0:11:17.200,0:11:21.519
in the moment you’re

0:11:18.480,0:11:24.240
aware of how you feel

0:11:21.519,0:11:26.079
you’re aware of how others perceive you

0:11:24.240,0:11:27.519
and you deal with that here and now

0:11:26.079,0:11:30.399
you’re not

0:11:27.519,0:11:32.160
worrying about what happened last year

0:11:30.399,0:11:33.440
you know because

0:11:32.160,0:11:34.959
you didn’t have the same level of

0:11:33.440,0:11:35.920
self-confidence you’re not looking

0:11:34.959,0:11:38.640
forward

0:11:35.920,0:11:40.160
to next year and and basically psyching

0:11:38.640,0:11:41.680
yourself out you’re

0:11:40.160,0:11:43.519
you’re living in the moment and you’re

0:11:41.680,0:11:45.360
dealing with things as you get them so

0:11:43.519,0:11:48.320
even if you get

0:11:45.360,0:11:50.079
constructive criticism you don’t ignore

0:11:48.320,0:11:52.800
that because that’s how we learn

0:11:50.079,0:11:55.120
and how we improve you know we accept

0:11:52.800,0:11:58.320
the fact that we all have flaws

0:11:55.120,0:12:01.360
and there’s always room for improvement

0:11:58.320,0:12:03.920
do you think at this point in time that

0:12:01.360,0:12:05.440
you live consciously in the moment or is

0:12:03.920,0:12:07.920
your mind wandering

0:12:05.440,0:12:09.040
back and forth i mean i’m somewhat in

0:12:07.920,0:12:12.240
the middle i do

0:12:09.040,0:12:14.399
normally like to stay in the moment and

0:12:12.240,0:12:16.480
work on problems that i’m dealing with

0:12:14.399,0:12:19.440
now but on occasions

0:12:16.480,0:12:20.079
i do kind of have the flashbacks to the

0:12:19.440,0:12:23.279
past

0:12:20.079,0:12:25.440
and how i would have handled things back

0:12:23.279,0:12:26.959
then versus how i handle them now

0:12:25.440,0:12:29.600
and then you know looking up to the

0:12:26.959,0:12:32.079
future seeing what are my actions

0:12:29.600,0:12:34.160
now going how are my actions now going

0:12:32.079,0:12:35.920
to affect my future

0:12:34.160,0:12:37.440
it’s sort of more of an existential

0:12:35.920,0:12:39.600
thing for me but

0:12:37.440,0:12:40.480
i do try and live in the moment most of

0:12:39.600,0:12:43.920
the time

0:12:40.480,0:12:45.920
well and i think the method that you’ve

0:12:43.920,0:12:49.440
described there is really

0:12:45.920,0:12:52.720
probably a good blend because

0:12:49.440,0:12:54.320
you look reflectively at the past

0:12:52.720,0:12:56.320
to understand the lessons that you’ve

0:12:54.320,0:13:00.160
learned and then you

0:12:56.320,0:13:03.200
impose that type of view on the future

0:13:00.160,0:13:04.000
so that you can anticipate how you need

0:13:03.200,0:13:07.360
to change because

0:13:04.000,0:13:08.959
we all change as we get older you you

0:13:07.360,0:13:10.959
anticipate how you change so i think

0:13:08.959,0:13:13.680
that’s really a very mature approach to

0:13:10.959,0:13:16.560
how you look at things

0:13:13.680,0:13:18.959
the second pillar that they talk about

0:13:16.560,0:13:21.120
here is self-acceptance

0:13:18.959,0:13:23.760
self-acceptance is when we accept

0:13:21.120,0:13:25.680
ourselves unconditionally

0:13:23.760,0:13:27.440
we’re compassionate toward ourselves

0:13:25.680,0:13:29.519
even when we don’t admire our own

0:13:27.440,0:13:32.079
feelings or decisions

0:13:29.519,0:13:33.680
these factors don’t change our respect

0:13:32.079,0:13:34.800
for ourselves so the important thing

0:13:33.680,0:13:37.040
here

0:13:34.800,0:13:39.920
and i think this is probably where

0:13:37.040,0:13:43.440
you’ve made the most progress so far

0:13:39.920,0:13:46.880
and that is accepting who you

0:13:43.440,0:13:48.720
are flaws and everything

0:13:46.880,0:13:50.959
and being compassionate with yourself

0:13:48.720,0:13:52.480
you’ve traditionally been very

0:13:50.959,0:13:54.880
hard on yourself especially when it

0:13:52.480,0:13:57.760
comes to academics

0:13:54.880,0:13:59.839
and i think this pillar kind of brings

0:13:57.760,0:14:03.360
home the fact that

0:13:59.839,0:14:05.519
you need to push yourself

0:14:03.360,0:14:08.079
but you need to do it in a way that

0:14:05.519,0:14:09.760
doesn’t degrade yourself

0:14:08.079,0:14:11.519
and that’s where the self-acceptance

0:14:09.760,0:14:13.199
comes in and i think you’ve made

0:14:11.519,0:14:16.240
progress here how do you think you’ve

0:14:13.199,0:14:19.920
you’ve done so far well i’m gonna talk a

0:14:16.240,0:14:22.399
bit about like how i accepted my flaws

0:14:19.920,0:14:23.120
back then i knew that i was bad at

0:14:22.399,0:14:26.240
sports

0:14:23.120,0:14:29.120
and i felt bad about it because

0:14:26.240,0:14:30.079
i because i just felt as though no one

0:14:29.120,0:14:32.800
would like me

0:14:30.079,0:14:34.480
if i wasn’t good at sports because i was

0:14:32.800,0:14:36.240
always the odd one out

0:14:34.480,0:14:37.680
i was always normally the last one

0:14:36.240,0:14:39.680
picked and

0:14:37.680,0:14:41.600
i would sometimes get injured and i

0:14:39.680,0:14:43.600
never really liked that

0:14:41.600,0:14:45.440
now i completely accept the fact that

0:14:43.600,0:14:48.560
i’m not good at sports and i

0:14:45.440,0:14:50.320
really and i’m just thinking like i’m

0:14:48.560,0:14:53.040
not going to have a career in sports

0:14:50.320,0:14:54.079
so what sports i mean i know it’s

0:14:53.040,0:14:57.760
important to be

0:14:54.079,0:15:00.880
um and i know it’s important to be um

0:14:57.760,0:15:01.600
athletic and um at least trying to move

0:15:00.880,0:15:03.600
around

0:15:01.600,0:15:05.839
and i do that but i don’t have to do

0:15:03.600,0:15:07.600
sports for it i can just like

0:15:05.839,0:15:09.040
go for a jog around the neighborhood i

0:15:07.600,0:15:12.480
don’t have to

0:15:09.040,0:15:14.240
throw a football or play soccer or

0:15:12.480,0:15:16.560
anything like that

0:15:14.240,0:15:18.079
i’ve accepted that i don’t that i’m not

0:15:16.560,0:15:21.839
good at sports and that i don’t

0:15:18.079,0:15:26.720
normally like sports and that’s okay

0:15:21.839,0:15:29.839
as long as i as long as i don’t

0:15:26.720,0:15:31.600
degrade myself for not being good at

0:15:29.839,0:15:33.440
sports it’s fine

0:15:31.600,0:15:35.839
and i think that’s a very good point

0:15:33.440,0:15:38.480
because at one point in time

0:15:35.839,0:15:40.000
it wasn’t so much a dislike of sports

0:15:38.480,0:15:44.000
you had it was almost a fear

0:15:40.000,0:15:46.000
of sports whether it’s a fear of

0:15:44.000,0:15:47.600
treatment by your peers or fear of

0:15:46.000,0:15:48.639
getting hurt you had a couple of

0:15:47.600,0:15:52.240
experiences

0:15:48.639,0:15:54.800
playing sports that had a very

0:15:52.240,0:15:56.320
lasting impression on you and you’ve

0:15:54.800,0:15:59.519
managed to overcome those

0:15:56.320,0:16:00.800
accept your limitations but also accept

0:15:59.519,0:16:02.399
the fact that

0:16:00.800,0:16:03.680
you have to participate in these

0:16:02.399,0:16:05.199
activities and you’re going to do your

0:16:03.680,0:16:07.600
best

0:16:05.199,0:16:08.480
and you know you that you have no

0:16:07.600,0:16:11.680
interest in

0:16:08.480,0:16:13.120
pursuing a career in sports

0:16:11.680,0:16:15.600
but you’ll still do what you need to do

0:16:13.120,0:16:18.079
in order to get your class grades

0:16:15.600,0:16:18.800
so i i think that was a significant leap

0:16:18.079,0:16:22.959
forward

0:16:18.800,0:16:25.759
in where you were a year ago so

0:16:22.959,0:16:27.519
kudos to you for that so that’s our

0:16:25.759,0:16:28.320
first two pillars down let’s take a

0:16:27.519,0:16:29.920
quick break

0:16:28.320,0:16:36.580
and we’ll come back and we’ll finish up

0:16:29.920,0:16:39.279
with the rest

0:16:36.580,0:16:42.320
[Music]

0:16:39.279,0:16:45.040
for over seven years the second sith

0:16:42.320,0:16:45.920
empire has been the premier community

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guild

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in the online game star wars the old

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republic

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with hundreds of friendly and helpful

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active members

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a weekly schedule of nightly events

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annual guild meet and greets and an

0:17:00.959,0:17:05.839
active community

0:17:02.160,0:17:08.319
both on the web and on discord

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the second civ empire is more than your

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typical gaming group

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we’re family join us on the star forge

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for nightly events such as operations

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flash points world boss hunts

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visit us on the web today at www

0:17:30.799,0:17:33.840
dot second

0:17:36.190,0:17:44.720
[Music]

0:17:41.280,0:17:47.679
welcome back we are talking self-esteem

0:17:44.720,0:17:50.240
revisited today i’m here with madison

0:17:47.679,0:17:50.720
and we’re kind of taking a pulse check

0:17:50.240,0:17:52.480
on

0:17:50.720,0:17:54.799
the progress that you’ve made since our

0:17:52.480,0:17:57.840
last podcast

0:17:54.799,0:17:59.760
over a year ago on self-esteem

0:17:57.840,0:18:00.960
so we’re talking the six pillars of

0:17:59.760,0:18:04.559
self-esteem

0:18:00.960,0:18:07.799
we got the first two down our first two

0:18:04.559,0:18:10.799
pillars were living consciously and

0:18:07.799,0:18:13.760
self-acceptance next we’re going to talk

0:18:10.799,0:18:16.640
about self-responsibility

0:18:13.760,0:18:19.120
so self-responsibility means recognizing

0:18:16.640,0:18:21.440
that we’re in charge of our own choices

0:18:19.120,0:18:23.120
and actions and no one else can make

0:18:21.440,0:18:26.320
them for us

0:18:23.120,0:18:28.160
change them or fix them for us

0:18:26.320,0:18:29.360
we don’t blame others for our own

0:18:28.160,0:18:31.600
choices

0:18:29.360,0:18:32.960
and we don’t expect others to make us

0:18:31.600,0:18:36.720
happy that’s really

0:18:32.960,0:18:36.720
something that we’re responsible for

0:18:36.880,0:18:39.919
let me just ask you right off the bat do

0:18:38.400,0:18:43.280
you agree with that

0:18:39.919,0:18:44.799
philosophy i mean yeah so

0:18:43.280,0:18:46.960
recognizing that you’re in charge of

0:18:44.799,0:18:49.360
your own choices means that you’re not

0:18:46.960,0:18:51.520
gonna let anyone control you manipulate

0:18:49.360,0:18:54.720
you or anything like that

0:18:51.520,0:18:56.880
and it also means that unless you’re

0:18:54.720,0:18:59.039
okay with it you won’t let people

0:18:56.880,0:19:00.720
help you when you’re down and you can do

0:18:59.039,0:19:04.000
it by yourself

0:19:00.720,0:19:06.720
that’s true and as you get older and you

0:19:04.000,0:19:08.720
mature through your teen years into your

0:19:06.720,0:19:11.840
adult years

0:19:08.720,0:19:15.039
that responsibility increases you have

0:19:11.840,0:19:17.760
more choices to make you have more

0:19:15.039,0:19:19.120
responsibility that you’re invested with

0:19:17.760,0:19:20.640
and this is just something that

0:19:19.120,0:19:22.559
self-responsibility is something that’s

0:19:20.640,0:19:26.559
going to continue to grow

0:19:22.559,0:19:29.360
so grasping that early on like you have

0:19:26.559,0:19:31.919
is a great head start in the direction

0:19:29.360,0:19:33.960
that you need to go

0:19:31.919,0:19:36.720
the next pillar we talk about is

0:19:33.960,0:19:38.640
self-assertiveness

0:19:36.720,0:19:40.240
this is the practice of honoring our

0:19:38.640,0:19:43.919
needs and interests

0:19:40.240,0:19:46.559
of expressing them in appropriate ways

0:19:43.919,0:19:49.520
we know that it’s okay to have needs and

0:19:46.559,0:19:52.160
that it’s acceptable to let others know

0:19:49.520,0:19:54.320
about them in a healthy way so this is

0:19:52.160,0:19:57.039
about

0:19:54.320,0:19:58.960
not making demands of other people but

0:19:57.039,0:20:02.640
understanding that

0:19:58.960,0:20:05.200
there are certain needs that you have

0:20:02.640,0:20:06.640
whether it’s emotionally from a

0:20:05.200,0:20:08.799
friendship

0:20:06.640,0:20:11.360
whether it’s materialistically for

0:20:08.799,0:20:14.480
survival needs

0:20:11.360,0:20:16.159
you know whatever it is you acknowledge

0:20:14.480,0:20:17.919
that you have these needs we don’t

0:20:16.159,0:20:20.080
we don’t suppress these needs we don’t

0:20:17.919,0:20:22.080
push these down because we

0:20:20.080,0:20:24.320
are embarrassed about them or we don’t

0:20:22.080,0:20:27.120
want to impose on others

0:20:24.320,0:20:28.159
and we articulate those needs to others

0:20:27.120,0:20:31.200
in a way

0:20:28.159,0:20:34.720
that is amicable

0:20:31.200,0:20:36.640
you know for instance in a relationship

0:20:34.720,0:20:38.159
you know mommy and daddy are married

0:20:36.640,0:20:41.120
we’ve been married for

0:20:38.159,0:20:42.000
some time now there’s needs to come up

0:20:41.120,0:20:44.880
in that

0:20:42.000,0:20:47.120
relationship whether it’s emotional

0:20:44.880,0:20:49.919
support

0:20:47.120,0:20:51.840
financial needs that have to come up you

0:20:49.919,0:20:54.159
know whatever it is

0:20:51.840,0:20:56.000
we communicate we talk about it and we

0:20:54.159,0:20:56.799
work through all of those issues and

0:20:56.000,0:21:00.880
that’s

0:20:56.799,0:21:02.320
really the key the fact that you accept

0:21:00.880,0:21:04.960
those needs

0:21:02.320,0:21:06.640
now right now i have to assume that

0:21:04.960,0:21:08.159
there aren’t that many needs that you

0:21:06.640,0:21:10.480
have that you need to express

0:21:08.159,0:21:13.520
at this point in time but as you get

0:21:10.480,0:21:14.640
older that’s going to change

0:21:13.520,0:21:16.960
what are you what are your thoughts do

0:21:14.640,0:21:20.240
you think you’re self-assertive

0:21:16.960,0:21:23.919
i mean yeah so whenever i need to come

0:21:20.240,0:21:27.200
to you guys as my parents for like

0:21:23.919,0:21:28.320
um some type of answer to a problem or

0:21:27.200,0:21:31.760
just

0:21:28.320,0:21:34.960
emotional support i can i

0:21:31.760,0:21:36.400
feel like i can come up to you guys and

0:21:34.960,0:21:38.320
ask you about it

0:21:36.400,0:21:40.480
and i don’t feel like i need to hide it

0:21:38.320,0:21:42.480
yeah and that’s important you know being

0:21:40.480,0:21:44.000
being comfortable doing that is very

0:21:42.480,0:21:47.760
important because it that’s

0:21:44.000,0:21:50.000
driving communication so the next pillar

0:21:47.760,0:21:52.880
of self-esteem we talk about is living

0:21:50.000,0:21:54.080
purposefully this is all about your

0:21:52.880,0:21:56.080
goals

0:21:54.080,0:21:57.280
so if we’re living purposefully we set

0:21:56.080,0:21:59.840
goals

0:21:57.280,0:22:01.360
we make plans that will allow us to

0:21:59.840,0:22:04.559
reach them

0:22:01.360,0:22:06.000
and we live with these goals in mind and

0:22:04.559,0:22:07.840
i think it’s important that everyone

0:22:06.000,0:22:10.400
have

0:22:07.840,0:22:12.000
realistic goals that we set throughout

0:22:10.400,0:22:16.880
our lives whether it’s

0:22:12.000,0:22:19.760
you know saving for that special

0:22:16.880,0:22:20.799
hoodie that we want to get or going on

0:22:19.760,0:22:23.460
vacation

0:22:20.799,0:22:25.760
or achieving a certain

0:22:23.460,0:22:30.000
[Music]

0:22:25.760,0:22:32.240
go like scholastically like you want to

0:22:30.000,0:22:34.240
score straight a’s or you want to pass

0:22:32.240,0:22:35.600
your sats or you want to get into a good

0:22:34.240,0:22:38.880
college

0:22:35.600,0:22:40.799
having these goals is what drives us if

0:22:38.880,0:22:43.440
we don’t have goals there’s

0:22:40.799,0:22:43.919
there’s very little for us to push for

0:22:43.440,0:22:45.679
and

0:22:43.919,0:22:48.559
and there’s very little incentive at

0:22:45.679,0:22:48.559
that point in time

0:22:48.640,0:22:52.880
what goals do you have right now that

0:22:51.039,0:22:56.320
you think you’re pushing for

0:22:52.880,0:22:59.440
i mean probably the main goal was to

0:22:56.320,0:23:03.440
pass school with somewhat decent

0:22:59.440,0:23:06.559
grades and um definitely beforehand

0:23:03.440,0:23:08.880
i kind of took it a little too hard for

0:23:06.559,0:23:09.840
the goals and i’d push myself a little

0:23:08.880,0:23:11.760
too hard

0:23:09.840,0:23:13.600
now i’m trying to ease up on myself

0:23:11.760,0:23:16.559
saying that it’s okay

0:23:13.600,0:23:18.640
just let it be you can fix it yeah and

0:23:16.559,0:23:20.240
that’s that’s good i mean

0:23:18.640,0:23:21.840
again it’s one of those things that you

0:23:20.240,0:23:23.520
have to kind of accept what your

0:23:21.840,0:23:26.559
limitations are and not

0:23:23.520,0:23:29.280
push yourself too hard we talked about

0:23:26.559,0:23:32.559
burnout a few podcasts back and

0:23:29.280,0:23:34.240
and how being driven is a good thing but

0:23:32.559,0:23:36.559
being driven to the point

0:23:34.240,0:23:38.240
of burning yourself out is not a good

0:23:36.559,0:23:40.799
thing because

0:23:38.240,0:23:42.159
then you can’t achieve your goals and

0:23:40.799,0:23:44.080
you become a

0:23:42.159,0:23:45.600
almost a detriment to those around you

0:23:44.080,0:23:47.600
because they then have to try and pick

0:23:45.600,0:23:50.559
you up

0:23:47.600,0:23:54.000
so i think that’s a very good

0:23:50.559,0:23:56.559
interpretation of living purposefully

0:23:54.000,0:23:58.400
the last pillar that we talk about here

0:23:56.559,0:24:01.039
is personal integrity

0:23:58.400,0:24:02.080
and we’ve talked about this from a

0:24:01.039,0:24:05.840
number of different

0:24:02.080,0:24:10.080
perspectives through the podcast uh from

0:24:05.840,0:24:12.559
trust and honesty and

0:24:10.080,0:24:15.039
what was the one we had done uh recently

0:24:12.559,0:24:18.960
with personal responsibility

0:24:15.039,0:24:21.279
so integrity comes in different forms

0:24:18.960,0:24:22.880
so personal integrity means that we have

0:24:21.279,0:24:25.440
convictions

0:24:22.880,0:24:27.039
about what behavior is important and

0:24:25.440,0:24:29.200
appropriate

0:24:27.039,0:24:30.720
and we keep our behavior in line with

0:24:29.200,0:24:33.679
that standard

0:24:30.720,0:24:35.840
so if if your standard is that lying is

0:24:33.679,0:24:37.760
not good then we don’t lie

0:24:35.840,0:24:39.520
we don’t steal we don’t break the rules

0:24:37.760,0:24:41.919
we don’t do things that we wouldn’t want

0:24:39.520,0:24:43.760
people doing to us

0:24:41.919,0:24:46.559
you might summarize this pillar by

0:24:43.760,0:24:48.400
saying we walk the talk

0:24:46.559,0:24:49.760
have you ever heard that phrase before

0:24:48.400,0:24:53.120
um

0:24:49.760,0:24:55.840
not really so the concept behind that

0:24:53.120,0:24:58.559
is that if i’m going to tell you how to

0:24:55.840,0:25:01.360
act appropriately

0:24:58.559,0:25:03.520
i have to it has to be more than words i

0:25:01.360,0:25:06.000
have to set that example

0:25:03.520,0:25:07.200
so if i tell you don’t lie then i can’t

0:25:06.000,0:25:10.320
lie to you

0:25:07.200,0:25:11.360
and i can’t lie to others because then

0:25:10.320,0:25:13.760
that’s reflective

0:25:11.360,0:25:16.080
on the philosophy you know it makes me a

0:25:13.760,0:25:19.279
hypocrite at that point

0:25:16.080,0:25:22.000
so personal integrity is really holding

0:25:19.279,0:25:24.400
up to these standards and these

0:25:22.000,0:25:25.600
rules that we have for what we think is

0:25:24.400,0:25:28.159
appropriate now that

0:25:25.600,0:25:30.640
unfortunately doesn’t mean everyone else

0:25:28.159,0:25:32.080
you know holds up to those themselves

0:25:30.640,0:25:33.679
so there are people that you’re going to

0:25:32.080,0:25:35.360
find that

0:25:33.679,0:25:37.360
lack the same integrity that you have

0:25:35.360,0:25:38.720
throughout life

0:25:37.360,0:25:41.200
and it’s going to be difficult when you

0:25:38.720,0:25:44.000
have to deal with people like that

0:25:41.200,0:25:45.600
let me ask you do you think that you

0:25:44.000,0:25:47.760
have

0:25:45.600,0:25:49.679
an a level of integrity that you’re

0:25:47.760,0:25:51.600
comfortable with at this point in time

0:25:49.679,0:25:54.080
i mean yeah i know stuff that i

0:25:51.600,0:25:55.120
shouldn’t do and i try to abide by it as

0:25:54.080,0:25:58.000
well as i can

0:25:55.120,0:25:58.960
so i definitely say that i would have

0:25:58.000,0:26:02.159
some

0:25:58.960,0:26:03.600
um some good personal integrity yeah and

0:26:02.159,0:26:04.640
i think that’s really what it comes down

0:26:03.600,0:26:08.080
to it’s knowing

0:26:04.640,0:26:10.159
the difference between right and wrong

0:26:08.080,0:26:11.679
adhering to that you know if you don’t

0:26:10.159,0:26:13.120
think you should

0:26:11.679,0:26:14.799
if you don’t want people to be rude to

0:26:13.120,0:26:15.520
you then you shouldn’t be rude to other

0:26:14.799,0:26:17.039
people

0:26:15.520,0:26:18.799
that doesn’t mean other people aren’t

0:26:17.039,0:26:21.600
going to be rude to you

0:26:18.799,0:26:22.799
but you have to lead by example yeah if

0:26:21.600,0:26:23.520
you don’t want people to lie to you

0:26:22.799,0:26:24.880
don’t lie

0:26:23.520,0:26:26.400
you don’t want people to steal from you

0:26:24.880,0:26:29.120
don’t steal i mean it’s really

0:26:26.400,0:26:31.600
fundamental basics

0:26:29.120,0:26:33.600
but you don’t have the luxury of

0:26:31.600,0:26:36.159
imposing that integrity on other people

0:26:33.600,0:26:39.039
you kind of have to accept the fact

0:26:36.159,0:26:42.240
that if they don’t learn by your example

0:26:39.039,0:26:44.320
it’s their loss at that point in time

0:26:42.240,0:26:46.480
so that was the six pillars of

0:26:44.320,0:26:47.679
self-esteem i wanted to kind of expound

0:26:46.480,0:26:48.720
on that we’re going to take a quick

0:26:47.679,0:26:50.159
break

0:26:48.720,0:26:52.080
and we’ll come back and we’re going to

0:26:50.159,0:26:54.880
do a quick review of what the

0:26:52.080,0:26:55.840
signs of self-esteem are what the

0:26:54.880,0:26:58.799
warning signs

0:26:55.840,0:26:59.600
of low self-esteem are and then we’ll

0:26:58.799,0:27:01.840
sort of

0:26:59.600,0:27:02.640
take a review as to where you’re at

0:27:01.840,0:27:04.880
right now

0:27:02.640,0:27:06.040
since the last time we talked about this

0:27:04.880,0:27:14.320
topic

0:27:06.040,0:27:16.720
[Music]

0:27:14.320,0:27:18.399
insights into entertainment a podcast

0:27:16.720,0:27:20.710
series taking a deeper look

0:27:18.399,0:27:22.320
into entertainment and media

0:27:20.710,0:27:24.480
[Music]

0:27:22.320,0:27:26.159
our husband and wife team of pop culture

0:27:24.480,0:27:28.559
fanatics are exploring

0:27:26.159,0:27:30.260
all things from music and movies to

0:27:28.559,0:27:32.240
television and fandom

0:27:30.260,0:27:33.840
[Music]

0:27:32.240,0:27:36.280
we’ll look at the interesting and

0:27:33.840,0:27:38.159
obscure entertainment news of the week

0:27:36.280,0:27:40.159
[Music]

0:27:38.159,0:27:41.600
we’ll talk about theme park and pop

0:27:40.159,0:27:43.600
culture news

0:27:41.600,0:27:46.240
we’ll give you the latest and greatest

0:27:43.600,0:27:48.559
on pop culture conventions

0:27:46.240,0:27:50.360
we’ll give you a deep dive into disney

0:27:48.559,0:27:52.880
star wars and much more

0:27:50.360,0:27:55.080
[Music]

0:27:52.880,0:27:56.320
check out our video episodes at

0:27:55.080,0:27:59.840
youtube.com

0:27:56.320,0:28:00.559
backslash insights into things our audio

0:27:59.840,0:28:03.840
episodes

0:28:00.559,0:28:03.840
at podcast.com

0:28:04.480,0:28:16.080
or check us out on the web at insights

0:28:07.120,0:28:18.240
into things.com

0:28:16.080,0:28:20.320
we’re talking self-esteem today

0:28:18.240,0:28:22.399
self-esteem revisited this was an

0:28:20.320,0:28:23.840
earlier podcast that we had done some

0:28:22.399,0:28:26.799
time back

0:28:23.840,0:28:27.520
and we’re kind of doing a review of what

0:28:26.799,0:28:30.880
it means

0:28:27.520,0:28:33.520
to have hell healthy self-esteem and

0:28:30.880,0:28:34.559
a review of where maddie has come since

0:28:33.520,0:28:36.960
the last

0:28:34.559,0:28:39.120
episode that we did so maddie why don’t

0:28:36.960,0:28:41.760
you tell us what some of the signs of

0:28:39.120,0:28:43.360
high self-esteem are well some of the

0:28:41.760,0:28:46.880
signs of high self-esteem

0:28:43.360,0:28:49.200
are confidence the ability to say no

0:28:46.880,0:28:51.120
a positive outlook accepting your

0:28:49.200,0:28:52.880
strengths and weaknesses

0:28:51.120,0:28:55.520
not letting the negatives affect your

0:28:52.880,0:28:56.640
perspective and the ability to express

0:28:55.520,0:28:59.919
your needs

0:28:56.640,0:29:03.120
so how many of those would you say

0:28:59.919,0:29:04.559
you can exhibit yourself so for

0:29:03.120,0:29:07.600
confidence

0:29:04.559,0:29:11.039
i feel pretty self-confident um i

0:29:07.600,0:29:12.240
understand that there are my i do have

0:29:11.039,0:29:15.279
limitations

0:29:12.240,0:29:18.000
but if i need to put my push

0:29:15.279,0:29:20.399
myself a little bit further those

0:29:18.000,0:29:21.120
limitations i can and i feel confident

0:29:20.399,0:29:23.600
that i can

0:29:21.120,0:29:25.279
that i will be able to succeed of course

0:29:23.600,0:29:27.120
i’m not always going to succeed and i

0:29:25.279,0:29:29.840
can also expect that

0:29:27.120,0:29:31.279
but i can expect to try my hardest now

0:29:29.840,0:29:34.559
are there areas that you

0:29:31.279,0:29:34.960
think you lack self-confidence right now

0:29:34.559,0:29:38.109
um

0:29:34.960,0:29:38.109
[Music]

0:29:38.799,0:29:42.240
like academically you clearly are very

0:29:40.720,0:29:45.440
self-confident

0:29:42.240,0:29:46.000
but how about from a a social standpoint

0:29:45.440,0:29:48.399
do you

0:29:46.000,0:29:50.880
do you have self-confidence in your

0:29:48.399,0:29:53.440
ability to be social and to

0:29:50.880,0:29:55.120
you know interact with peers your age

0:29:53.440,0:29:57.120
and have conversations and stuff like

0:29:55.120,0:29:57.760
that or is there a lack of confidence

0:29:57.120,0:30:01.200
there

0:29:57.760,0:30:03.360
well there i’m kind of lacking um

0:30:01.200,0:30:05.279
i definitely have this weird i

0:30:03.360,0:30:08.080
definitely and it kind of correlates

0:30:05.279,0:30:10.559
into academics as well because the

0:30:08.080,0:30:13.919
teachers always open

0:30:10.559,0:30:15.679
um you having questions and sometimes i

0:30:13.919,0:30:16.799
have a question that hasn’t been asked

0:30:15.679,0:30:19.840
by anyone else

0:30:16.799,0:30:23.200
and um i just think like

0:30:19.840,0:30:24.080
what if my question is one of my

0:30:23.200,0:30:27.039
questions

0:30:24.080,0:30:29.440
kind of well what if my what if i

0:30:27.039,0:30:32.159
shouldn’t ask this question what if like

0:30:29.440,0:30:33.360
they’ll think you’re what if i should

0:30:32.159,0:30:36.559
already know this

0:30:33.360,0:30:38.480
or what if it’s or what if anyone’s

0:30:36.559,0:30:41.840
going to make fun of me for it

0:30:38.480,0:30:44.960
or anything like that and

0:30:41.840,0:30:48.080
um not academically i

0:30:44.960,0:30:49.120
kind of don’t like talking to people who

0:30:48.080,0:30:51.919
i don’t know

0:30:49.120,0:30:52.799
i mean like people who like deliver our

0:30:51.919,0:30:55.039
food

0:30:52.799,0:30:56.159
the people who deliver the food to our

0:30:55.039,0:30:58.480
door like

0:30:56.159,0:31:00.159
i immediately run away to mommy like

0:30:58.480,0:31:02.559
mommy there’s people here who brought

0:31:00.159,0:31:06.240
the food because i just

0:31:02.559,0:31:08.399
i i just am not very good

0:31:06.240,0:31:10.640
socially with strangers but with my

0:31:08.399,0:31:14.080
friends i definitely know that i’m

0:31:10.640,0:31:17.120
much more open and if you knew me well

0:31:14.080,0:31:19.120
you’d see that i wasn’t exactly shy

0:31:17.120,0:31:22.480
around you i’d be very open

0:31:19.120,0:31:24.399
i also talk a lot so so that’s

0:31:22.480,0:31:26.240
that’s probably an area that we could

0:31:24.399,0:31:29.360
improve on in the future then

0:31:26.240,0:31:30.880
yeah how about the ability to say no do

0:31:29.360,0:31:34.320
you feel comfortable saying no

0:31:30.880,0:31:37.760
when people ask too much of you um yeah

0:31:34.320,0:31:38.880
i would say so like if one of my friends

0:31:37.760,0:31:41.200
told me

0:31:38.880,0:31:43.200
asked me to do something that i kind of

0:31:41.200,0:31:44.080
felt uncomfortable with or i thought you

0:31:43.200,0:31:46.240
guys

0:31:44.080,0:31:47.279
would be mad at me for doing i would be

0:31:46.240,0:31:49.440
able to say no

0:31:47.279,0:31:51.200
and explain my reasoning to them and

0:31:49.440,0:31:54.240
hopefully they’d understand

0:31:51.200,0:31:55.840
okay do you think that you have a

0:31:54.240,0:31:58.159
positive outlook on life

0:31:55.840,0:32:00.240
i mean i definitely realized that i had

0:31:58.159,0:32:02.399
a very bad outlook

0:32:00.240,0:32:04.159
when we first started i had had a much

0:32:02.399,0:32:06.159
more negative outlook

0:32:04.159,0:32:07.919
i thought that every day was going to be

0:32:06.159,0:32:11.039
a bad day and that

0:32:07.919,0:32:13.120
it would just stay the same cycle um

0:32:11.039,0:32:14.080
now i’m slightly more positive even

0:32:13.120,0:32:17.760
though you know everything

0:32:14.080,0:32:19.120
going on um but i’m still trying to stay

0:32:17.760,0:32:22.480
positive

0:32:19.120,0:32:25.440
um i’m glad that we’re all safe

0:32:22.480,0:32:26.480
and that i get to spend more time with

0:32:25.440,0:32:27.760
you guys now

0:32:26.480,0:32:29.840
and that i get to spend time with the

0:32:27.760,0:32:31.600
cats as well i definitely have a

0:32:29.840,0:32:32.480
slightly more positive outlook although

0:32:31.600,0:32:35.440
you know

0:32:32.480,0:32:36.399
school stress has gotten um in the way

0:32:35.440,0:32:38.640
of that as well

0:32:36.399,0:32:40.080
but i’m still trying to stay as positive

0:32:38.640,0:32:44.080
as i can

0:32:40.080,0:32:47.519
um and saying that there is go

0:32:44.080,0:32:48.399
and saying that we only see the

0:32:47.519,0:32:50.880
positives

0:32:48.399,0:32:51.760
when we’re in when when we’re when

0:32:50.880,0:32:55.039
they’re discus

0:32:51.760,0:32:57.760
when like all around us is negatives

0:32:55.039,0:32:59.279
well and that is a that’s a kind of a

0:32:57.760,0:33:00.720
time we live in right now you know

0:32:59.279,0:33:02.640
there’s a lot of stuff going on right

0:33:00.720,0:33:03.840
now that

0:33:02.640,0:33:05.360
you kind of have to hold all of those

0:33:03.840,0:33:07.360
positives in order to get through tough

0:33:05.360,0:33:09.519
times like this

0:33:07.360,0:33:11.200
so i think we’ve already established in

0:33:09.519,0:33:13.679
our earlier discussion the fact that you

0:33:11.200,0:33:15.840
do accept your strengths and weaknesses

0:33:13.679,0:33:18.000
but how about letting the negatives

0:33:15.840,0:33:20.000
affect your perspective how are you at

0:33:18.000,0:33:21.679
fending off a lot of these negative

0:33:20.000,0:33:23.360
thoughts but there’s a lot of negativity

0:33:21.679,0:33:26.159
these days with

0:33:23.360,0:33:27.919
covid and politics and everything else

0:33:26.159,0:33:30.559
how does that affect you

0:33:27.919,0:33:32.080
well having it directly in my face

0:33:30.559,0:33:34.799
doesn’t exactly help

0:33:32.080,0:33:36.080
and i can definitely feel some negative

0:33:34.799,0:33:38.399
emotions

0:33:36.080,0:33:40.320
but the thing that i normally do to

0:33:38.399,0:33:42.880
block them off is doing something

0:33:40.320,0:33:44.480
that i enjoy like drawing movie making

0:33:42.880,0:33:47.840
creating characters

0:33:44.480,0:33:50.080
watching videos playing games honestly

0:33:47.840,0:33:51.360
although they’re kind of distractions

0:33:50.080,0:33:53.840
they make me happy

0:33:51.360,0:33:55.840
and i can block out all the negatives

0:33:53.840,0:33:58.399
when i’m doing something i enjoy

0:33:55.840,0:34:00.000
that’s a very good thing to have that

0:33:58.399,0:34:02.320
that ability to hold on to that

0:34:00.000,0:34:04.880
yeah and even back then when i had a bad

0:34:02.320,0:34:05.519
day at school i’d go to you guys we’d

0:34:04.880,0:34:07.039
talk

0:34:05.519,0:34:09.040
and then i’d probably just sit in my

0:34:07.039,0:34:11.280
room for a bit and just place

0:34:09.040,0:34:13.599
and then watch some videos or play games

0:34:11.280,0:34:15.520
and that would normally help although

0:34:13.599,0:34:17.679
you know there were still a lot of

0:34:15.520,0:34:19.440
negatives going on that they would

0:34:17.679,0:34:21.919
sometimes be down my door

0:34:19.440,0:34:23.440
but you know and i don’t think you have

0:34:21.919,0:34:25.599
any issues expressing your needs you’re

0:34:23.440,0:34:27.200
not a particularly needy individual

0:34:25.599,0:34:28.800
not really no but when there is

0:34:27.200,0:34:29.839
something that you need or want you

0:34:28.800,0:34:32.320
don’t have a problem

0:34:29.839,0:34:33.040
expressing that so i think we can pretty

0:34:32.320,0:34:35.119
much check

0:34:33.040,0:34:36.240
all the boxes there even though we might

0:34:35.119,0:34:39.520
have some you know

0:34:36.240,0:34:40.079
work on some of those you seem to

0:34:39.520,0:34:43.760
exhibit

0:34:40.079,0:34:46.000
all the signs of of high self-esteem

0:34:43.760,0:34:47.679
why don’t you tell us a little bit about

0:34:46.000,0:34:49.040
what some of the warning signs of low

0:34:47.679,0:34:51.919
self-esteem are

0:34:49.040,0:34:52.720
so for the warning signs we kind of have

0:34:51.919,0:34:56.639
like

0:34:52.720,0:34:57.680
the opposing sides of more the positives

0:34:56.639,0:35:00.720
which were

0:34:57.680,0:35:03.520
a negative outlook a lack of confidence

0:35:00.720,0:35:04.240
you tend to focus on your weaknesses

0:35:03.520,0:35:07.520
feeling

0:35:04.240,0:35:09.200
of shame or anxiety trouble accepting

0:35:07.520,0:35:11.280
positive feedback

0:35:09.200,0:35:12.320
feeling others are better than you and

0:35:11.280,0:35:15.359
fearing fair

0:35:12.320,0:35:17.440
failure those are a lot of those are

0:35:15.359,0:35:20.480
one-to-one correlations to some of the

0:35:17.440,0:35:20.480
positive outlooks

0:35:21.119,0:35:26.160
feelings of shame and anxiety we’ve done

0:35:24.240,0:35:28.000
a podcast on anxiety in the past and

0:35:26.160,0:35:29.520
we’ll probably revisit that in the near

0:35:28.000,0:35:31.359
future

0:35:29.520,0:35:32.800
but do you think that you fall into that

0:35:31.359,0:35:34.640
category do you have any

0:35:32.800,0:35:36.640
feelings of shame or anxiety at this

0:35:34.640,0:35:40.400
point i mean

0:35:36.640,0:35:41.520
sometimes when i do um when i sometimes

0:35:40.400,0:35:44.160
don’t succeed

0:35:41.520,0:35:45.119
when i’m doing something and i spent a

0:35:44.160,0:35:48.400
lot of time on

0:35:45.119,0:35:50.400
i do i do feel negative feelings from

0:35:48.400,0:35:52.640
that but then i try to look more on the

0:35:50.400,0:35:57.119
positive side in order to not

0:35:52.640,0:35:58.960
feel as much anxiety towards it as i can

0:35:57.119,0:36:00.640
but there are some times when i’m like

0:35:58.960,0:36:03.040
trying to go to sleep that i do

0:36:00.640,0:36:04.720
have some existential crisis that i

0:36:03.040,0:36:06.240
probably shouldn’t say because then

0:36:04.720,0:36:07.119
everyone else will be thinking about

0:36:06.240,0:36:10.320
them and i’d

0:36:07.119,0:36:12.000
not be the only one but you know

0:36:10.320,0:36:13.599
well how about accepting positive

0:36:12.000,0:36:15.280
feedback because i know that used to be

0:36:13.599,0:36:18.240
something that

0:36:15.280,0:36:20.560
was a difficult thing for you was to

0:36:18.240,0:36:21.599
accept the praise that was heaped upon

0:36:20.560,0:36:24.160
you

0:36:21.599,0:36:26.320
uh how do you deal with that now i

0:36:24.160,0:36:30.160
absolutely accepted it

0:36:26.320,0:36:31.520
um although i’m i’m somewhat shy to

0:36:30.160,0:36:33.599
share some of this stuff

0:36:31.520,0:36:36.400
when i realize that people like it it

0:36:33.599,0:36:39.760
definitely boosts my confidence that

0:36:36.400,0:36:41.760
hey i made something good good job me

0:36:39.760,0:36:43.760
that kind of thing i’m definitely okay

0:36:41.760,0:36:45.920
with accepting positive feedback

0:36:43.760,0:36:48.960
although i still sometimes have

0:36:45.920,0:36:51.040
the times where i’d fear negative

0:36:48.960,0:36:52.880
um feedback which is why i don’t

0:36:51.040,0:36:54.560
normally show a lot of the stuff that i

0:36:52.880,0:36:57.119
have due to

0:36:54.560,0:36:58.720
slight fear of the negatives but most of

0:36:57.119,0:36:59.599
the time people are pretty positive with

0:36:58.720,0:37:02.880
what i do

0:36:59.599,0:37:05.040
that’s good that’s very important do you

0:37:02.880,0:37:06.320
have any feelings that others are better

0:37:05.040,0:37:09.680
than you

0:37:06.320,0:37:12.320
um well yeah

0:37:09.680,0:37:13.280
i mean there’s always gonna be someone

0:37:12.320,0:37:16.640
better than you

0:37:13.280,0:37:19.119
and you’re probably not gonna reach like

0:37:16.640,0:37:21.200
the perfect point but you gotta

0:37:19.119,0:37:22.240
understand not everyone’s perfect even

0:37:21.200,0:37:25.280
the people who

0:37:22.240,0:37:28.240
seem to be better than you you are

0:37:25.280,0:37:30.160
okay and you’re good enough you don’t

0:37:28.240,0:37:31.920
need to be better than everyone else and

0:37:30.160,0:37:34.000
you don’t and you shouldn’t feel as

0:37:31.920,0:37:35.680
though you’re worse than everyone else

0:37:34.000,0:37:37.280
you’re in the medium and you don’t have

0:37:35.680,0:37:40.240
to be better than anyone

0:37:37.280,0:37:41.440
you can be just fine where you are good

0:37:40.240,0:37:44.400
outlook

0:37:41.440,0:37:45.359
what about failure do you fear failing

0:37:44.400,0:37:47.359
um

0:37:45.359,0:37:48.400
i mean yeah i’m pretty sure a lot of

0:37:47.359,0:37:51.520
people would

0:37:48.400,0:37:53.839
pretty much feel fear failing but it’s

0:37:51.520,0:37:57.359
important to understand that

0:37:53.839,0:37:59.680
mistakes or failure can be learned from

0:37:57.359,0:38:01.119
and like you always say you love

0:37:59.680,0:38:02.960
mistakes because

0:38:01.119,0:38:05.520
you learn more from your mistakes than

0:38:02.960,0:38:08.720
you would ever do with your successes

0:38:05.520,0:38:10.960
so that is true so yeah

0:38:08.720,0:38:12.960
so i think i i think there’s a good mix

0:38:10.960,0:38:15.520
i think there’s

0:38:12.960,0:38:16.839
certainly progress since our last

0:38:15.520,0:38:19.280
podcast on

0:38:16.839,0:38:20.480
self-esteem i think you’ve come a long

0:38:19.280,0:38:21.760
way

0:38:20.480,0:38:25.760
it’s demonstrated just in your

0:38:21.760,0:38:29.440
self-confidence when when you see you

0:38:25.760,0:38:31.920
on camera on the podcast you have a very

0:38:29.440,0:38:32.800
confident outgoing personality now and i

0:38:31.920,0:38:36.480
think that’s

0:38:32.800,0:38:37.440
that’s significant but we’re all a work

0:38:36.480,0:38:39.839
in progress

0:38:37.440,0:38:41.599
and then certainly we can all improve

0:38:39.839,0:38:42.960
moving forward

0:38:41.599,0:38:45.200
let’s take a quick break and we’ll come

0:38:42.960,0:38:45.760
back and we’ll we’ll see it where you’ve

0:38:45.200,0:38:48.360
come

0:38:45.760,0:38:53.520
since the last podcast on this subject

0:38:48.360,0:38:57.119
[Music]

0:38:53.520,0:38:58.480
so on a scale of 1 to 10 10 being the

0:38:57.119,0:39:01.520
highest

0:38:58.480,0:39:03.599
where would you rate your self-esteem at

0:39:01.520,0:39:06.880
the time of our original

0:39:03.599,0:39:11.119
episode which was episode five

0:39:06.880,0:39:13.520
well seeing how it was probably one of

0:39:11.119,0:39:14.720
a pretty bad times my self-esteem when

0:39:13.520,0:39:17.760
we made it

0:39:14.720,0:39:20.560
i’d say 3.5

0:39:17.760,0:39:23.040
okay because i mean i did have some

0:39:20.560,0:39:26.400
self-confidence but i was also

0:39:23.040,0:39:27.040
very anxious about a lot of things back

0:39:26.400,0:39:28.880
then

0:39:27.040,0:39:30.800
so what were some of the factors that

0:39:28.880,0:39:31.680
influenced that level of self-esteem at

0:39:30.800,0:39:34.800
the time

0:39:31.680,0:39:38.560
well a lot of it was fear

0:39:34.800,0:39:42.480
of my academics and the fear of sports

0:39:38.560,0:39:45.280
um academics because i

0:39:42.480,0:39:47.119
wasn’t because i was getting lower

0:39:45.280,0:39:50.400
grades than i had before

0:39:47.119,0:39:51.839
and i was really scared that i wouldn’t

0:39:50.400,0:39:54.960
be able to

0:39:51.839,0:39:57.599
get as high marks i could of

0:39:54.960,0:39:59.440
and honestly i was putting a lot of like

0:39:57.599,0:40:01.920
pressure on myself

0:39:59.440,0:40:03.920
saying like you need to do better or

0:40:01.920,0:40:05.040
this isn’t good enough or anything like

0:40:03.920,0:40:08.560
that

0:40:05.040,0:40:10.079
um and the fear of sports was also kind

0:40:08.560,0:40:13.119
of correlated to

0:40:10.079,0:40:15.760
the fear of others um

0:40:13.119,0:40:17.920
so fear of sports i had much more of a

0:40:15.760,0:40:19.119
fear sports than i dislike of sports

0:40:17.920,0:40:21.520
because

0:40:19.119,0:40:23.599
i was always shown to be an odd one out

0:40:21.520,0:40:25.680
i wasn’t as competitive as everyone else

0:40:23.599,0:40:26.560
was and i just feared getting hurt from

0:40:25.680,0:40:28.240
there because

0:40:26.560,0:40:30.400
it had happened to me multiple times

0:40:28.240,0:40:33.200
before understandable

0:40:30.400,0:40:34.000
and another main thing of it was the

0:40:33.200,0:40:37.520
people

0:40:34.000,0:40:38.480
and i had a fear that i wasn’t good

0:40:37.520,0:40:41.760
enough for

0:40:38.480,0:40:43.119
um everyone else and that i needed to be

0:40:41.760,0:40:45.280
better

0:40:43.119,0:40:48.560
and i just had negative outlook saying

0:40:45.280,0:40:51.200
that that was never going to happen

0:40:48.560,0:40:53.119
so going back to that same scale of one

0:40:51.200,0:40:54.400
to ten where do you think you fit now on

0:40:53.119,0:40:58.240
that scale

0:40:54.400,0:41:00.960
um i’d say

0:40:58.240,0:41:03.200
seven point five or eight okay well

0:41:00.960,0:41:05.040
that’s a significant improvement

0:41:03.200,0:41:07.839
what are some of the factors that help

0:41:05.040,0:41:10.160
influence that and get you to that point

0:41:07.839,0:41:11.119
well definitely the support from you

0:41:10.160,0:41:12.880
guys

0:41:11.119,0:41:14.800
you guys were very supportive and you

0:41:12.880,0:41:16.400
wanted me to and you wanted to help

0:41:14.800,0:41:19.520
boost my self-esteem

0:41:16.400,0:41:22.160
and a lot of it was like we said before

0:41:19.520,0:41:23.520
the actions i had to take myself i

0:41:22.160,0:41:25.839
realized that

0:41:23.520,0:41:27.520
okay i need to understand my limits i

0:41:25.839,0:41:30.160
need to understand

0:41:27.520,0:41:32.240
where and i need to understand that i

0:41:30.160,0:41:35.440
need to have the ability

0:41:32.240,0:41:37.839
to know my strengths and weaknesses

0:41:35.440,0:41:40.480
i knew that i was bad at sports but i

0:41:37.839,0:41:43.599
also knew i was good at creating stories

0:41:40.480,0:41:46.240
characters and drawings so

0:41:43.599,0:41:47.599
i focused more on my strengths but i did

0:41:46.240,0:41:50.319
look at my weaknesses

0:41:47.599,0:41:52.160
and when to accept them i understood i

0:41:50.319,0:41:54.480
wasn’t good at sports and i understood

0:41:52.160,0:41:56.480
that i probably won’t be good at sports

0:41:54.480,0:41:58.319
and i know i could have practiced on it

0:41:56.480,0:42:01.680
but i didn’t i didn’t even

0:41:58.319,0:42:02.240
enjoy sports really so i thought that it

0:42:01.680,0:42:04.880
was just

0:42:02.240,0:42:07.359
okay that i wasn’t good at sports and

0:42:04.880,0:42:09.839
then with the academics it was

0:42:07.359,0:42:11.920
okay i know my limits and if i push

0:42:09.839,0:42:15.280
myself i’m going to get stressed out

0:42:11.920,0:42:18.640
i need to work the problem okay i think

0:42:15.280,0:42:22.160
that’s that sums it up very well

0:42:18.640,0:42:23.920
so given where you were a year ago

0:42:22.160,0:42:26.480
where you are now the progress that you

0:42:23.920,0:42:28.720
made is there any advice

0:42:26.480,0:42:30.160
that you could give to someone who may

0:42:28.720,0:42:33.200
be in the same position

0:42:30.160,0:42:36.400
you were a year ago well

0:42:33.200,0:42:38.160
let’s see so if you are struggling with

0:42:36.400,0:42:40.800
the academics

0:42:38.160,0:42:41.440
i’d say that you need to understand your

0:42:40.800,0:42:44.079
limits

0:42:41.440,0:42:46.160
there you need to understand that you

0:42:44.079,0:42:48.960
might not get perfect grades

0:42:46.160,0:42:50.000
but you need to at least try your best

0:42:48.960,0:42:52.720
you

0:42:50.000,0:42:54.160
it might be hard for some subjects and

0:42:52.720,0:42:56.079
you should at least try to have the

0:42:54.160,0:42:58.079
confidence to ask the teacher

0:42:56.079,0:43:00.160
i’m still struggling with that myself

0:42:58.079,0:43:04.319
but i’m working on it a little

0:43:00.160,0:43:06.720
but i’ve gotten better for any of your

0:43:04.319,0:43:09.359
activities that you’re not good at

0:43:06.720,0:43:11.839
understand your strengths and weaknesses

0:43:09.359,0:43:14.240
and accept them you can look at your

0:43:11.839,0:43:15.119
strengths and say oh i’m good at this or

0:43:14.240,0:43:17.599
this

0:43:15.119,0:43:19.040
and i really enjoy them but i really am

0:43:17.599,0:43:20.160
not good at this and i don’t really

0:43:19.040,0:43:21.839
enjoy it

0:43:20.160,0:43:24.079
and understand that you don’t have to

0:43:21.839,0:43:24.640
enjoy everything and you don’t have to

0:43:24.079,0:43:27.760
enjoy

0:43:24.640,0:43:28.720
things that you’re bad at you just have

0:43:27.760,0:43:31.760
to accept

0:43:28.720,0:43:33.440
that you you just have to accept that

0:43:31.760,0:43:33.920
you don’t like it and you don’t have to

0:43:33.440,0:43:36.240
do it

0:43:33.920,0:43:37.760
unless you know it’s for school or

0:43:36.240,0:43:40.319
something that you need to do

0:43:37.760,0:43:42.000
but you don’t have to do it by choice

0:43:40.319,0:43:43.920
and i think that’s important you know

0:43:42.000,0:43:46.560
understanding what your weaknesses are

0:43:43.920,0:43:48.480
allows you to make the choice

0:43:46.560,0:43:50.800
of whether or not you want to focus on

0:43:48.480,0:43:52.560
improving those weaknesses

0:43:50.800,0:43:54.400
a lot of times we do a lot of times we

0:43:52.560,0:43:57.359
can overcome some of

0:43:54.400,0:43:59.200
our shortcomings we can overcome fears

0:43:57.359,0:44:02.000
that we have

0:43:59.200,0:44:02.400
guild deficits that we might have some

0:44:02.000,0:44:04.240
people

0:44:02.400,0:44:06.480
aren’t athletic so you might not be able

0:44:04.240,0:44:09.520
to overcome some of the athletic

0:44:06.480,0:44:12.319
weaknesses that you have but

0:44:09.520,0:44:14.960
putting forth that honest effort you

0:44:12.319,0:44:18.400
know we go back to the integrity side of

0:44:14.960,0:44:20.079
the pillars of selfish esteem

0:44:18.400,0:44:21.760
as long as you’re making your best

0:44:20.079,0:44:24.160
effort

0:44:21.760,0:44:25.200
then you’re true to yourself you still

0:44:24.160,0:44:27.200
might not be able to

0:44:25.200,0:44:29.119
physically do the things that other

0:44:27.200,0:44:31.359
athletes can do

0:44:29.119,0:44:33.599
but that doesn’t mean you don’t try you

0:44:31.359,0:44:35.680
try if you fail you fail but at least

0:44:33.599,0:44:38.319
you know you tried your best

0:44:35.680,0:44:39.200
and that alone is a self-esteem boost

0:44:38.319,0:44:42.240
right there

0:44:39.200,0:44:43.920
is putting forth that effort

0:44:42.240,0:44:45.280
so i think that was really all we wanted

0:44:43.920,0:44:47.520
to talk about today we’ll

0:44:45.280,0:44:48.560
we’ll take a quick break we’ll come back

0:44:47.520,0:44:51.359
we’ll get your

0:44:48.560,0:44:52.240
closing thoughts and shout outs and then

0:44:51.359,0:44:53.930
we’ll

0:44:52.240,0:44:59.280
sum up the show

0:44:53.930,0:45:02.000
[Music]

0:44:59.280,0:45:03.200
go for your closing remarks okay even

0:45:02.000,0:45:06.240
though i kind of

0:45:03.200,0:45:09.920
gave my recommendations for what to do

0:45:06.240,0:45:12.400
i’m gonna kind of sum everything up so

0:45:09.920,0:45:14.560
um i definitely say that if you are in a

0:45:12.400,0:45:16.000
similar situation that i was with lower

0:45:14.560,0:45:18.720
self-esteem

0:45:16.000,0:45:20.800
i’d say that you need to make the effort

0:45:18.720,0:45:24.240
you can’t let other people do it for you

0:45:20.800,0:45:26.160
but other people can help um i’d say

0:45:24.240,0:45:27.280
that you need to try and take action for

0:45:26.160,0:45:29.680
things and

0:45:27.280,0:45:30.720
you need to try to improve the spots

0:45:29.680,0:45:33.839
you’re weak in

0:45:30.720,0:45:35.680
i’ve improved them and you can see now

0:45:33.839,0:45:38.160
i’m much more confident

0:45:35.680,0:45:39.040
and i have much higher self-esteem than

0:45:38.160,0:45:40.960
back then

0:45:39.040,0:45:42.640
of course it’s not perfect understand

0:45:40.960,0:45:44.000
you’re not gonna be perfect

0:45:42.640,0:45:45.839
but you need to at least respect

0:45:44.000,0:45:47.040
yourself and respect everything that

0:45:45.839,0:45:49.680
comes with you

0:45:47.040,0:45:50.560
and understand that you’re not going to

0:45:49.680,0:45:53.119
be perfect

0:45:50.560,0:45:54.880
but you’re good enough okay i think

0:45:53.119,0:45:58.319
that’s a great way to sum up this

0:45:54.880,0:46:00.880
the topic today before we go i would

0:45:58.319,0:46:02.560
uh once again invite folks to subscribe

0:46:00.880,0:46:05.599
to the podcast

0:46:02.560,0:46:06.079
our podcasts go live monday mornings at

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eight

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and if you subscribe on apple podcast

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spotify google stitcher iheartradio

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tune in amazon or anywhere

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you’ll get the podcast as soon as they

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go live

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i would also invite folks to reach out

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give us your feedback

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tell us what we’re doing right what

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we’re doing wrong if there’s any

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topics you’d like us to cover on the

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show you can

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email us at comments at

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insightsintothings.com

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you can hit us on twitter at insights

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underscore things

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we are on instagram at instagram.com

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you can get high-res versions of our

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videos on youtube at youtube.com

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insights into things we do stream six

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days a week on twitch at twitch.tv slash

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insights into things we’d appreciate you

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subscribing to us there

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you can get audio versions of the

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podcast at podcast.insightsintoteams.com

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or you can get us on facebook at

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facebook.com slash insights into things

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podcast

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where you can get all that stuff on our

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website at insightsintothings.com

0:47:13.599,0:47:17.520
and you and don’t forget to check out

0:47:15.920,0:47:19.680
our other two podcasts

0:47:17.520,0:47:21.839
insights and entertainment hosted by you

0:47:19.680,0:47:23.119
and mommy and inside tonight tomorrow

0:47:21.839,0:47:25.599
our monthly podcast

0:47:23.119,0:47:26.559
hosted by you and my brother sam well

0:47:25.599,0:47:28.160
done

0:47:26.559,0:47:31.130
that’s it for today another one in the

0:47:28.160,0:47:36.189
books bye everyone

0:47:31.130,0:47:36.189
[Music]

0:47:36.839,0:47:39.839
bye

0:47:50.839,0:47:53.839
so

0:47:57.200,0:48:01.760
[Music]

0:47:59.680,0:48:01.760
you

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