Insights Into Teens: Episode 75 “Personal Freedom”

After a week off we’re back with a discussion on Personal Freedom for Teens. We discuss how the proper balance of freedom and boundaries is important for allowing our teens to grow, mature and take on new responsibilities. We’ll look at some of the issues that parents face when granting personal freedoms to teens. We’ll also look at some of the temptations and consequences of too much personal freedom in teens.We take a look at how to best balance the need for freedom for teens to explore who they are and who they want to be while still maintaining that layer of protection that all parents feel for their children.

Show Notes
  • Introductions
    • Insights Into Teens Episode 75 “Personal Freedom”
    • My mature and responsible co-host Madison Whalen
        
  • What is Personal Freedom
    • Freedom helps teens learn more about how to take care of themselves and interact well with others. But granting too much freedom is just as bad as giving too little.
        
  • Five Facts about Teenage Personal Freedom
  • http://www.imom.com/the-five-facts-of-teenage-freedom/
  • https://bit.ly/2DpU1BS
    • Fact #1: Freedom wields a greater influence than parents or peers.
      • Over the years, many studies (and parents!) have asked whether parents or peers exert a bigger influence over kids’ behavior. Research suggests this question misses the main point. When freedom is added to the mix, it seems to far outstrip the influence of any person. Look at the astounding survey results.
          
      • Question: When you do something that your parents would disapprove of, what is the best description for the reason that you do it? Choose one answer.
        • 4% answered with “I’m just being rebellious against my parents.”
        • 6% answered with “I’m just doing what my friends want me to do.”
        • 89% answered with “I’m just pursuing my freedom and my ability to do what I want to do.”
            
      • Question: Think of something that you really want to do that your parents might disapprove of. Which statement most closely describes you? Choose one answer.
        • 22% answered with “If I want to do something, I will usually find a way to do it, no matter what my parents think or say.”
        • 31% answered with “Even if I really want to do something and even if my parents would never know, I generally don’t do it if they would disapprove.”
        • 47% answered with “If I want to do something, I will usually find a way to do it… although I’d hope my parents wouldn’t think I was being too bad.”
            
    • Fact #2: Under the influence of freedom, kids may do stupid things.
      • Like addicts under the influence of a real drug, kids high on the thrill of freedom may not be thinking clearly. To complicate matters, it’s not just the high of freedom at work. It turns out-and we say this as respectfully as possible-our teens are not only addicted; they are also brain deficient. Science demonstrates that the frontal lobe of the brain-the area that allows judgment of consequences and control of impulses-doesn’t fully develop until after teen years. So in the absence of a fully functioning frontal lobe, teenage brains rely more on the centers that control emotion-which in effect means they give in much more easily to impulses.
          
    • Fact #3: Kids deeply fear losing their freedom.
      • Once we understand just how much teenagers revel in their first tastes of real freedom, it shouldn’t be surprising that, like other addicts, they’re also dealing with deep fear that we will forever take that freedom away. An enraged teenager’s out-of-proportion response to your words or actions may be a sign that you’ve set off her ultrasensitive “loss of freedom” radar.
          
      • So what most pushes a kid’s fear buttons?
        • The sense that freedom has been snatched arbitrarily. Most kids say that they felt their freedom was often taken away for no good reason or with no consistent pattern, and they were thus overly sensitive to the mention of possible restrictions.
        • Seeing their social life sabotaged. Kids are terrified that parental restrictions will make them outcast–a fate worse than death for a fifteen-year-old. One kid declared, “When they ground you for so long, it’s social suicide, and of course you sneak out. You’ve got to cover your rear and protect your life.”
        • Not understanding the rules.“When kids say, ‘The punishment was so unfair,’ it actually means, ‘I wish I understood the reasons for those rules.’ If they don’t understand the reasons, what their highly emotional and irrational brains hear is, ‘I’m going to control you for no reason.’”
            
    • Fact #4: Teens will do anything to get freedom and avoid losing it–including deceiving themselves and you.
      • Driven by the all-consuming quest for freedom and the intense fear that we’ll revoke it, even teenagers who are generally good and trustworthy sometimes resort to bad behavior. They may downplay problems, fool themselves into thinking that they weren’t doing anything wrong, hide things, and even lie to us all in an effort to secure and protect their independence.
          
      • Question: Do you ever hide negative information from your parents because you are worried about how they will react? Choose one answer.
        • 17% answered with “I rarely or never hide those things from them.”
        • 31% answered with “Yes, I often don’t tell them those things because of that.”
        • 52% answered with “Yes, I sometimes don’t tell them those things because of that.”
  •  
    • Fact #5: Ironically, too much freedom can be scary and our kids want to involve us in their quest.
      • After this fairly brutal reality check, the good news is that even freedom-intoxicated teens realize that unlimited freedom isn’t a good idea.
          
      • One girl eloquently captured the perspective so many teens shared : “My parents are really strict, and I wish they’d lighten up a bit. But if they didn’t give me any rules, I’d know they didn’t love me. We expect some boundaries.”
          
    • Questions about personal freedom
      • Q: What should teens be doing during their free time?
        • A: “A variety of things,” is probably the closest anyone can come to an answer. It’s an almost sure sign of trouble when a teenager seems obsessed with doing only one thing, whether it is listening to rock music or doing homework. Well-adjusted teens enjoy a variety of interests and activities, some adult-directed (clubs, scouts), some involving only peers (movies, parties, ball games), and others that are solitary (hobbies, reading).
      • Q: Should I allow my teenager to do “unproductive” things, such as driving around in a car?
        • A: “Unproductive” doesn’t necessarily mean harmful, but these behaviors should constitute just a minor part of the teen’s total activity picture. If you find that aimlessness is the rule for your child, that probably spells boredom, and boredom during the teen years can lead quickly to all kinds of trouble, including drugs. When you see boredom developing in your teenager, guide the youngster into some productive extracurricular activities.
      • Q: How can I set reasonable curfews?
        • A: Despite the sometimes relentless pressure you’ll feel from your child, it’s important to start conservatively and work up from there. For instance, a 14-year-old who consistently abides by a 10:30 p.m. curfew should be rewarded at age 15 with at least a 30-minute extension. About every six months thereafter, sit down with your teen and review the record. If it’s good, tack on another 30 minutes. What do you say to the teen who continually misses curfew? Except in extreme cases, a combination of discipline today and reward tomorrow works well: “Over the past six months, we’ve talked to you numerous times about coming in late. We had planned to extend your curfew until 11:00 by this time, but because you haven’t cooperated with 10:30, we’re going to keep it there for another two months. If you can stick to the curfew, then we’ll talk about extending it.” On special occasions, like the prom, curfew can be more flexible. And you should always know where your teens are going and with whom.
      • Q: When is it OK to let my teen start to date?
        • A: There’s no reason why boys and girls in their early teens can’t go out together in groups to movies or other attractions. At first, however, you may want to set limits, such as dating only during daytime and early evening hours.
  •  
    • Closing Remarks and Shoutouts
        
  • Email: Comments@insightsintothings.com

    Twitter: @insights_things

    Youtube: www.youtube.com/insightsintothings

    Facebook: www.facebook.com/insightsintothingspodcast

    Web: https://www.insightsintothings.com

    RSS: http://podcast.insightsintoteens.com/#

    Twitch: www.twitch.tv/insightsintothings

     
    •  
Transcription

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insightful podcasts

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[Music]

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by informative hosts

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[Music]

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insights into things a podcast network

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[Music]

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welcome to insights into teens a podcast

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series exploring the issues and

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challenges

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of today’s youth your hosts are joseph

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and madison whalen

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a father and daughter team making their

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way through the challenges of the

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teenage years

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[Applause]

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welcome to insights into teens this is

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episode 75 personal freedom

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i am your host joseph whalen

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and my mature and responsible co-host

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madison whalen

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hi everyone how you doing today maddie

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pretty good

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anything exciting this week um

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i was just doing another um virtual

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camp this week i just finished it up

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today

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which was a minecraft story um

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land world kind of thing um where we

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basically told a story through minecraft

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so cool did you have fun yeah i did

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nice so this week we are talking about

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personal freedoms do you know what we

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mean by personal freedoms

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um i think

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by personal freedoms you might mean in a

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way sort of responsibilities like we

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kind of talked about before

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like um

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like how when you’re younger there are

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more boundaries and when you get older

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you get to release some of those

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boundaries

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that kind of yeah kind of like that you

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know what we’re defining as personal

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freedoms

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for the purpose of this discussion

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is uh that freedom helps teens learn

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more about how to take care of

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themselves

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and interact well with others granting

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too much freedom

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is just as bad as granting too little

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freedom

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so we’re going to talk about what some

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of the

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interesting facts are about teens

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and personal freedom then we will talk

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about questions

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common questions um about

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personal freedom and try to provide some

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answers to some of those questions

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but basically this discussion today is

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more about

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how personal freedom affects you and and

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how it affects teens and how

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parents need to regulate the personal

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freedoms that they do give

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because too much of it or not enough of

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it can

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cause problems so are we ready to start

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sure all right let’s get into it

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so the first thing that we’re going to

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talk about are five facts

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about teenage personal freedom and this

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comes from a website called imom which

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we’ve used in the past

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so the first fact they talk about is

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freedom wields a greater

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influence than parents or peer

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now as a teen do you

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find that your desire for freedom

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or the allowance of freedom gives you

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is more influential over you than you

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know what mommy or daddy might want you

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to do

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um what exactly do you mean by that i

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don’t really understand too well well

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like for instance if you have

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the freedom to uh go to bed when you

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want

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and you know in the summer time you

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don’t really have a

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set schedule that you have to worry

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about so you can go to bed whenever you

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want

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mommy and daddy may go to bed at 10

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o’clock at night

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and you’re allowed to stay up late do

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you feel compelled to

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abide by the self-imposed bedtimes that

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mommy and daddy put on ourselves

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or do you just do whatever you want when

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it comes to

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that type of freedom i mean i know that

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i need to sleep

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especially after learning that if you

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don’t get enough sleep

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you don’t you not enough sleep can

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definitely

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turn out pretty bad so having the

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freedom to

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choose when i go to sleep i go to sleep

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like

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i mean i go to sleep after you guys but

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not long after

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like i’ll stay up for a couple of them

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for a couple extra minutes

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before you guys and then i’ll just go to

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sleep um

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when i feel like i get tired or if i’m

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just

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too bored and i don’t have anything else

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to do and i’m like you know what i’m

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just gonna go sleep because

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that’s when my brain is for some reason

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in full

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tact gotcha okay well the study here

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did a survey and they found that over

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the years many studies

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and parents have asked whether parents

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or peers

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exert a bigger influence over kids

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behavior

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and the research suggests that questions

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this question misses the main point when

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freedom is added to the mix it seems

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to far outstrip the influence of any

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person so here’s a couple of questions

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that they had

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so the first question they asked was

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when you do

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something that your parents would

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disapprove of what’s the best

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description for the reason that you do

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it

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and there were three answers and i’m

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going to ask you what yours is before i

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tell you what these numbers were

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so the first answer was i’m just being

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rebellious against my parents

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the second was i’m just doing what my

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friends want me to do

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and the third was i’m just pursuing my

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freedom

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and my ability to do what i want to do

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of those three which would you answer

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i’d probably answer with the third one

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because for the first one

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i don’t want to be rebellious against

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you guys i’m not a rebellious teen

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i try to stick to your boundaries

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um two i don’t really get influenced by

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my friends to really do anything

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rebellious

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or anything you would disapprove of

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because one of my friends aren’t like

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that and they don’t pressure me to do

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things that

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um would upset you guys and two i don’t

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really have too much contact with them

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now

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so i’d go with the third option and you

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would be in the majority that 89

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of those surveyed had the same answer

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wow

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so that’s a an instance where you know

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freedom itself may override

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you know parental desire

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the next big question that they asked in

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the survey

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was think of something that you really

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want to do that your parents might

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disapprove

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of which statement most closely

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describes you

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and there’s three again here so you pick

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which one best describes you

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if i want to do something i’ll usually

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find a way to do it no matter what my

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parents think

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or say option two

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even if i really want to do something

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and even if my parents would never know

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i generally don’t do it if they would

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disapprove and the third one

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if i want to do something i’ll usually

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find a way to do it although i’d hope my

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parents wouldn’t think

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i was being too bad which of those would

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you say

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fit you best um

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i’d say maybe the middle i don’t really

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want to rebel against you guys and i

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don’t really

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want to do anything that you disapprove

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of um

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so i would probably fit in the middle

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category

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and 31 of

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those who responded said the same thing

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the higher majority was the last one you

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know they’ll

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do it but they hope the parents wouldn’t

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think they’re being too bad

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so just you know the the original survey

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itself didn’t

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include freedom in there uh it was more

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who influenced more parents or peers

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and the study basically said well you’re

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not asking the right question

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so the next fact that they had which i

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thought was

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kind of funny was that under the

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influence of freedom

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kids may do stupid things

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now that’s kind of blunt uh and to the

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point

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but they say like addicts under the

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influence of a real drug

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kids get high on the thrill of freedom

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and may not be

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thinking clearly to complicate matters

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it’s not just the high of freedom at

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work

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it turns out and we say this is

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respectfully

0:09:14.320,0:09:20.800
as possible i’m quoting from the survey

0:09:17.760,0:09:21.279
our teens are not only addicted they are

0:09:20.800,0:09:25.279
also

0:09:21.279,0:09:27.680
brain deficient and i’ll explain

0:09:25.279,0:09:29.440
okay science demonstrates that the

0:09:27.680,0:09:31.680
frontal lobe of the brain

0:09:29.440,0:09:32.720
the area that allows judgment and of

0:09:31.680,0:09:35.600
consequences

0:09:32.720,0:09:36.160
and control of impulses doesn’t fully

0:09:35.600,0:09:40.160
develop

0:09:36.160,0:09:42.640
until after teen years so in the absence

0:09:40.160,0:09:44.959
of a fully functioning frontal lobe

0:09:42.640,0:09:46.959
teenage brains rely more on the centers

0:09:44.959,0:09:49.279
that control emotion

0:09:46.959,0:09:50.560
which in effect means they give it much

0:09:49.279,0:09:54.160
more

0:09:50.560,0:09:56.080
give in much more easily to impulses

0:09:54.160,0:09:57.279
how would you describe your impulse

0:09:56.080,0:10:02.079
control

0:09:57.279,0:10:05.200
um like

0:10:02.079,0:10:09.279
i mean i

0:10:05.200,0:10:12.320
okay so there have been times where

0:10:09.279,0:10:14.000
um there was a chance

0:10:12.320,0:10:16.240
that i could have done something

0:10:14.000,0:10:19.200
rebellious or something that

0:10:16.240,0:10:20.079
i generally didn’t want to do but um

0:10:19.200,0:10:23.519
considering

0:10:20.079,0:10:25.920
well but considering the consequences

0:10:23.519,0:10:26.560
that my brain developed i wouldn’t do

0:10:25.920,0:10:29.200
them

0:10:26.560,0:10:29.760
okay so so is that what you mean well

0:10:29.200,0:10:31.920
when you’re

0:10:29.760,0:10:34.079
faced with something that you want to do

0:10:31.920,0:10:34.800
or something that you want or something

0:10:34.079,0:10:38.480
that you want to

0:10:34.800,0:10:39.600
buy or a snack that you want to have at

0:10:38.480,0:10:42.399
night or whatever it is

0:10:39.600,0:10:43.519
something that’s tempting you how

0:10:42.399,0:10:46.880
successful do you

0:10:43.519,0:10:50.160
find that you are at avoiding the

0:10:46.880,0:10:52.160
impulse of giving into that temptation

0:10:50.160,0:10:54.640
um well i can definitely say from

0:10:52.160,0:10:58.000
experience for buying stuff

0:10:54.640,0:10:59.519
i would spend a really i’m that kind of

0:10:58.000,0:11:00.959
person who would spend a really long

0:10:59.519,0:11:03.040
time deciding

0:11:00.959,0:11:04.640
do i really want this is it worth the

0:11:03.040,0:11:06.240
money stuff like that

0:11:04.640,0:11:08.079
so you’re very analytical when it comes

0:11:06.240,0:11:10.640
to purchases

0:11:08.079,0:11:12.640
what about less serious things less

0:11:10.640,0:11:17.120
consequential things

0:11:12.640,0:11:20.720
like snacks yeah uh

0:11:17.120,0:11:22.880
i kind of that doesn’t really work

0:11:20.720,0:11:24.320
for me i just have that impulse like you

0:11:22.880,0:11:26.240
know what whatever i find

0:11:24.320,0:11:27.519
is what i find i’ll just eat but i

0:11:26.240,0:11:30.240
always make but

0:11:27.519,0:11:30.720
sometimes i do make sure to ask you guys

0:11:30.240,0:11:33.920
um

0:11:30.720,0:11:36.720
just for um confirmments

0:11:33.920,0:11:38.480
just for uh confirmation confirmation

0:11:36.720,0:11:41.600
yeah that’s the word

0:11:38.480,0:11:43.360
okay well that’s good to know so

0:11:41.600,0:11:44.880
fact three that they talk about in the

0:11:43.360,0:11:47.920
study

0:11:44.880,0:11:49.200
is that kids deeply fear losing their

0:11:47.920,0:11:50.720
freedom

0:11:49.200,0:11:52.959
once we understand just how much

0:11:50.720,0:11:54.480
teenagers revel in their first tastes of

0:11:52.959,0:11:56.959
real freedom

0:11:54.480,0:11:58.720
it shouldn’t be surprising that like

0:11:56.959,0:12:01.920
other addicts

0:11:58.720,0:12:04.000
they’re also dealing with a deep fear

0:12:01.920,0:12:05.519
that we will forever take away that

0:12:04.000,0:12:08.720
freedom

0:12:05.519,0:12:10.240
an enraged teenager’s out of proportion

0:12:08.720,0:12:12.480
response to your words or

0:12:10.240,0:12:14.000
actions may be a sign that you set off

0:12:12.480,0:12:16.959
the ultrasensitive

0:12:14.000,0:12:18.399
loss of freedom radar how do you feel

0:12:16.959,0:12:20.320
about

0:12:18.399,0:12:21.920
the prospect of losing what freedom

0:12:20.320,0:12:24.320
mommy and daddy have given you is that

0:12:21.920,0:12:27.360
something that’s a real fear for you

0:12:24.320,0:12:29.279
i mean i really do appreciate the

0:12:27.360,0:12:32.320
freedom you guys have given me

0:12:29.279,0:12:34.560
and with some of the freedoms i

0:12:32.320,0:12:36.000
would be scared that you guys would take

0:12:34.560,0:12:38.720
it away because it would show that i

0:12:36.000,0:12:40.880
wasn’t responsible enough to have it

0:12:38.720,0:12:42.240
and it would just cause enough a whole

0:12:40.880,0:12:45.440
loophole of worry

0:12:42.240,0:12:48.480
and fear and just a step

0:12:45.440,0:12:49.200
down just a downward spiral now have we

0:12:48.480,0:12:50.880
ever had an

0:12:49.200,0:12:52.959
instance where we’ve had to take away

0:12:50.880,0:12:55.360
any freedoms that we gave you

0:12:52.959,0:12:55.360
i mean

0:12:56.480,0:13:02.000
i’d only say that you only put

0:12:59.440,0:13:05.120
restrictions on like

0:13:02.000,0:13:06.480
um every day at eight stop going on

0:13:05.120,0:13:08.959
devices and then

0:13:06.480,0:13:10.560
go watch a movie with mommy but that

0:13:08.959,0:13:13.440
wasn’t really

0:13:10.560,0:13:14.160
taking away too much freedom i was able

0:13:13.440,0:13:17.920
to

0:13:14.160,0:13:21.120
um work with it so

0:13:17.920,0:13:21.519
um uh other than that i really don’t

0:13:21.120,0:13:23.600
know

0:13:21.519,0:13:25.440
too many times we had to take away my

0:13:23.600,0:13:27.519
freedom and i would agree i mean

0:13:25.440,0:13:29.360
fortunately we don’t have disciplinary

0:13:27.519,0:13:30.480
problems with you so we’ve never had the

0:13:29.360,0:13:32.240
need

0:13:30.480,0:13:34.480
to revoke any freedoms that we’ve given

0:13:32.240,0:13:37.680
you in fact of anything

0:13:34.480,0:13:40.480
i think you’ve continued to take on more

0:13:37.680,0:13:43.760
freedoms and more responsibilities which

0:13:40.480,0:13:47.040
you know it’s a testament to you

0:13:43.760,0:13:49.519
so fact four says that teens will do

0:13:47.040,0:13:52.000
anything to get freedom and avoid losing

0:13:49.519,0:13:55.519
it including deceiving themselves

0:13:52.000,0:13:57.279
and you driven by the all-consuming

0:13:55.519,0:14:00.320
quest for freedom

0:13:57.279,0:14:02.560
and the intense fear that will revoke it

0:14:00.320,0:14:05.040
even teenagers who are generally good

0:14:02.560,0:14:06.399
and trustworthy sometimes resort to bad

0:14:05.040,0:14:08.480
behavior

0:14:06.399,0:14:09.920
they may downplay problems fool

0:14:08.480,0:14:12.399
themselves into thinking that they

0:14:09.920,0:14:15.519
weren’t doing anything wrong

0:14:12.399,0:14:17.519
hide things and even lie to us in an

0:14:15.519,0:14:19.120
effort to secure and protect their

0:14:17.519,0:14:21.199
independence

0:14:19.120,0:14:24.000
have you ever had a situation where

0:14:21.199,0:14:26.000
you’ve had to to try to deceive

0:14:24.000,0:14:27.440
mommy and daddy so that you didn’t get

0:14:26.000,0:14:29.519
in trouble or lose

0:14:27.440,0:14:30.720
a freedom or have some consequence

0:14:29.519,0:14:32.800
impose on you

0:14:30.720,0:14:34.880
i mean for some reason that would

0:14:32.800,0:14:36.959
trigger whenever i would accidentally

0:14:34.880,0:14:39.920
like spill a glass of water

0:14:36.959,0:14:41.279
and i would just get worried like oh god

0:14:39.920,0:14:42.880
they’re gonna be mad at me they’re gonna

0:14:41.279,0:14:45.120
think i did something bad i tried to

0:14:42.880,0:14:46.720
clean it up and it wouldn’t really work

0:14:45.120,0:14:48.399
then i’d have to end up getting you guys

0:14:46.720,0:14:50.480
anyway

0:14:48.399,0:14:52.399
so you’ve never actually tried you’ve

0:14:50.480,0:14:54.880
basically tried to solve the problem

0:14:52.399,0:14:57.519
yourself in that situation

0:14:54.880,0:14:59.760
you’ve not tried to hide it from us i

0:14:57.519,0:15:03.279
mean i didn’t want you guys to

0:14:59.760,0:15:06.720
know that i ended up having that um

0:15:03.279,0:15:09.040
so um because i didn’t want you guys to

0:15:06.720,0:15:11.680
think i was clumsy or i’d make

0:15:09.040,0:15:13.600
a lot of mistakes and that i wouldn’t

0:15:11.680,0:15:15.839
learn from them or anything so i try to

0:15:13.600,0:15:17.519
solve them as quickly as possible

0:15:15.839,0:15:19.360
and they aren’t normally the best

0:15:17.519,0:15:20.800
solutions especially when i’m in that

0:15:19.360,0:15:23.199
panic mode

0:15:20.800,0:15:24.000
so they asked the study asks a similar

0:15:23.199,0:15:25.839
question

0:15:24.000,0:15:27.279
they asked do you ever hide negative

0:15:25.839,0:15:29.839
information

0:15:27.279,0:15:32.480
from your parents because you’re worried

0:15:29.839,0:15:34.240
about how they’ll react

0:15:32.480,0:15:36.399
and again there’s three answers to pick

0:15:34.240,0:15:38.800
from here i think we know yours already

0:15:36.399,0:15:41.360
but we’ll just throw it out there

0:15:38.800,0:15:42.560
answer one i rarely or never hide those

0:15:41.360,0:15:45.519
things from them

0:15:42.560,0:15:47.839
answer two yes i often don’t tell them

0:15:45.519,0:15:50.240
those things because of that

0:15:47.839,0:15:52.839
and answer three is yes i sometimes

0:15:50.240,0:15:54.160
don’t tell them those things because of

0:15:52.839,0:15:57.199
that

0:15:54.160,0:15:59.040
which would best fit you i mean i don’t

0:15:57.199,0:16:00.320
really keep too much from you guys so

0:15:59.040,0:16:02.399
i’d say the first one

0:16:00.320,0:16:04.160
yeah and that’s the lowest percentage

0:16:02.399,0:16:05.279
most kids are in that last percentage

0:16:04.160,0:16:07.920
there where they

0:16:05.279,0:16:09.519
they sometimes don’t tell their parents

0:16:07.920,0:16:11.040
about these types of things

0:16:09.519,0:16:12.880
but like a good example would be if you

0:16:11.040,0:16:15.360
got a bad grade in school or you failed

0:16:12.880,0:16:17.199
a test or something like that

0:16:15.360,0:16:19.199
and then you know it came home in your

0:16:17.199,0:16:21.440
folder and

0:16:19.199,0:16:22.800
mommy or daddy had to sign it and you

0:16:21.440,0:16:24.720
sort of throw it in with a bunch of

0:16:22.800,0:16:25.519
other papers so that we didn’t look at

0:16:24.720,0:16:28.560
it

0:16:25.519,0:16:31.759
that type of of

0:16:28.560,0:16:34.720
omission i guess well i mean

0:16:31.759,0:16:36.639
whenever like i when i did get a bad

0:16:34.720,0:16:38.720
grade when i realized i got a b

0:16:36.639,0:16:40.320
in math in the first mugging period i

0:16:38.720,0:16:42.320
was worried on telling you guys

0:16:40.320,0:16:43.600
but i ended up just slipping it out

0:16:42.320,0:16:46.720
anyway

0:16:43.600,0:16:49.440
i just immediate honestly

0:16:46.720,0:16:50.560
i seem shaky when i’m trying to say it

0:16:49.440,0:16:52.000
and it

0:16:50.560,0:16:54.079
and i need to normally take a deep

0:16:52.000,0:16:55.519
breath when saying it but it ends up

0:16:54.079,0:16:58.720
getting out anyway

0:16:55.519,0:17:01.199
right okay well we appreciate your

0:16:58.720,0:17:01.199
honesty

0:17:01.279,0:17:04.880
question 5 says ironically too much

0:17:03.920,0:17:07.839
freedom can be

0:17:04.880,0:17:09.600
scary and our kids want to involve us in

0:17:07.839,0:17:12.720
their quest

0:17:09.600,0:17:13.520
after this fairly brutal reality check a

0:17:12.720,0:17:15.679
few

0:17:13.520,0:17:18.000
the good news is that even freedom

0:17:15.679,0:17:21.360
intoxicated teens realize the unlimited

0:17:18.000,0:17:23.120
freedom isn’t a good idea one girl in a

0:17:21.360,0:17:25.199
study eloquently captured the

0:17:23.120,0:17:26.400
perspective so many teens shared by

0:17:25.199,0:17:28.720
saying

0:17:26.400,0:17:30.720
my parents are really strict and i’d

0:17:28.720,0:17:33.440
wish they’d lighten up a bit

0:17:30.720,0:17:33.919
but if they didn’t give me any rules i

0:17:33.440,0:17:37.120
don’t

0:17:33.919,0:17:40.000
i i know they didn’t love me we expect

0:17:37.120,0:17:40.000
some boundaries

0:17:40.320,0:17:43.440
how do you react to that does that does

0:17:41.919,0:17:44.559
that resonate with you does that make

0:17:43.440,0:17:47.520
sense with you

0:17:44.559,0:17:49.360
i mean yeah on the one hand you want to

0:17:47.520,0:17:50.160
have freedoms and you don’t want your

0:17:49.360,0:17:52.240
parents to be

0:17:50.160,0:17:53.600
completely overprotective or strict

0:17:52.240,0:17:55.840
strict on you

0:17:53.600,0:17:57.360
but if you don’t have those boundaries

0:17:55.840,0:17:58.000
it would seem like your parents wouldn’t

0:17:57.360,0:18:01.760
care

0:17:58.000,0:18:02.400
if you like stuck like something metal

0:18:01.760,0:18:04.960
in

0:18:02.400,0:18:07.440
an outlet something like that like it’s

0:18:04.960,0:18:07.440
extreme

0:18:07.760,0:18:11.760
but do you see the restrictions that

0:18:10.080,0:18:16.240
mommy and daddy put on you

0:18:11.760,0:18:20.559
as um a hindrance to you or

0:18:16.240,0:18:22.960
a like if we didn’t put these

0:18:20.559,0:18:23.840
rules in place and these restrictions on

0:18:22.960,0:18:25.760
you

0:18:23.840,0:18:27.360
would you feel like we didn’t care

0:18:25.760,0:18:31.120
enough to do that

0:18:27.360,0:18:32.559
i mean kind of because if you don’t have

0:18:31.120,0:18:34.320
the restrictions

0:18:32.559,0:18:36.880
and you can basically do whatever you

0:18:34.320,0:18:39.440
want it would show that

0:18:36.880,0:18:40.880
the parents would really not care on

0:18:39.440,0:18:42.559
what you were doing

0:18:40.880,0:18:44.720
but it would also show that they

0:18:42.559,0:18:47.200
probably don’t really

0:18:44.720,0:18:48.320
care that much about where you are or

0:18:47.200,0:18:49.919
how you’re feeling

0:18:48.320,0:18:52.640
or how you’re doing in school or

0:18:49.919,0:18:54.480
anything like that

0:18:52.640,0:18:56.559
so by daddy being an overbearing

0:18:54.480,0:18:58.000
overprotective father i show that i love

0:18:56.559,0:19:01.120
you by doing that right

0:18:58.000,0:19:03.039
sort of yeah okay good

0:19:01.120,0:19:04.400
so there was a series of questions that

0:19:03.039,0:19:07.600
they had here

0:19:04.400,0:19:09.919
uh and it was really the questions were

0:19:07.600,0:19:11.280
kind of directed towards parents trying

0:19:09.919,0:19:12.880
to guide them here

0:19:11.280,0:19:15.520
but i’m curious what your answers would

0:19:12.880,0:19:17.520
be okay so the first question is

0:19:15.520,0:19:18.799
what should teens be doing during their

0:19:17.520,0:19:20.640
free time what do you think

0:19:18.799,0:19:23.200
teens should do during their free time

0:19:20.640,0:19:26.960
honestly anything that they enjoy really

0:19:23.200,0:19:30.000
um and anything that can

0:19:26.960,0:19:31.360
help them help um anything

0:19:30.000,0:19:33.679
any problems they would have like

0:19:31.360,0:19:34.640
anything socially mentally anything like

0:19:33.679,0:19:37.840
that

0:19:34.640,0:19:40.720
so the experts that conducted this study

0:19:37.840,0:19:43.919
answered it slightly different

0:19:40.720,0:19:46.080
they said basically a variety of things

0:19:43.919,0:19:48.640
is probably the closest anyone can come

0:19:46.080,0:19:51.919
to a good answer

0:19:48.640,0:19:53.280
it’s an almost sure sign of trouble when

0:19:51.919,0:19:56.960
a teenager seems

0:19:53.280,0:19:59.520
obsessed with doing only one thing

0:19:56.960,0:20:01.039
whether it’s listening to music or doing

0:19:59.520,0:20:03.200
homework

0:20:01.039,0:20:05.280
well-adjusted teens enjoy a variety of

0:20:03.200,0:20:08.400
interests and activities

0:20:05.280,0:20:10.720
some adult directed club

0:20:08.400,0:20:12.640
clubs like cub scouts and stuff like

0:20:10.720,0:20:14.880
that

0:20:12.640,0:20:17.039
some involving only peers like going to

0:20:14.880,0:20:18.640
the movies or parties or ball games with

0:20:17.039,0:20:20.720
your friends

0:20:18.640,0:20:22.159
and others that are solitary like you

0:20:20.720,0:20:25.679
know reading or

0:20:22.159,0:20:27.600
or hobbies so you know

0:20:25.679,0:20:28.960
basically they’re backing what you’re

0:20:27.600,0:20:31.039
saying here you should be doing what you

0:20:28.960,0:20:33.679
enjoy

0:20:31.039,0:20:35.520
but not obsessively do you think there’s

0:20:33.679,0:20:37.280
anything that you do obsessively at this

0:20:35.520,0:20:39.600
point

0:20:37.280,0:20:39.600
um

0:20:40.480,0:20:48.159
i’m not entirely sure i think maybe

0:20:44.559,0:20:51.440
the sims well

0:20:48.159,0:20:54.159
maybe sims and just maybe

0:20:51.440,0:20:55.280
character design i’ve been doing that a

0:20:54.159,0:20:58.640
lot

0:20:55.280,0:21:00.880
okay fair enough the next thing they ask

0:20:58.640,0:21:04.080
is should i allow my teenagers to do

0:21:00.880,0:21:07.200
quote unproductive things

0:21:04.080,0:21:08.960
such as driving around in a car

0:21:07.200,0:21:10.320
which obviously doesn’t apply to you

0:21:08.960,0:21:12.240
just yet

0:21:10.320,0:21:14.000
but what do you think about that do you

0:21:12.240,0:21:16.720
think you should be allowed to do

0:21:14.000,0:21:17.760
unproductive things i mean yeah but not

0:21:16.720,0:21:19.760
too often

0:21:17.760,0:21:21.679
like you can do unproductive things when

0:21:19.760,0:21:23.120
you’re bored because

0:21:21.679,0:21:25.360
no one really wants to be bored

0:21:23.120,0:21:27.120
especially now so it’s a good way to

0:21:25.360,0:21:29.039
keep you entertained at least

0:21:27.120,0:21:31.120
but you can always back it up with a few

0:21:29.039,0:21:33.360
productive small productive things

0:21:31.120,0:21:34.799
just to keep them on their toes and i

0:21:33.360,0:21:36.960
think that’s a good answer they say

0:21:34.799,0:21:38.159
unproductive doesn’t necessarily mean

0:21:36.960,0:21:40.480
harmful

0:21:38.159,0:21:43.200
but these behaviors should constitute a

0:21:40.480,0:21:46.480
minor part of the teen’s total activity

0:21:43.200,0:21:49.760
so spot on with what you said there

0:21:46.480,0:21:53.200
the next thing they ask is how can i set

0:21:49.760,0:21:53.200
reasonable curfew

0:21:54.000,0:21:58.320
well i would although i don’t actually

0:21:57.200,0:22:01.280
have

0:21:58.320,0:22:01.600
um curfews i would have to think of it

0:22:01.280,0:22:04.799
as

0:22:01.600,0:22:07.120
sort of the movie time thing um i think

0:22:04.799,0:22:08.799
and bedtimes so i think reasonable

0:22:07.120,0:22:11.360
curfews like

0:22:08.799,0:22:13.039
they can get slightly extended if the

0:22:11.360,0:22:16.480
teen has been following them

0:22:13.039,0:22:20.320
well and they’re doing well and

0:22:16.480,0:22:23.760
or it’s something with age like

0:22:20.320,0:22:26.360
but if they do end up abusing that

0:22:23.760,0:22:28.559
then you’d have to either have

0:22:26.360,0:22:30.559
consequences

0:22:28.559,0:22:31.919
or prove to them that although you were

0:22:30.559,0:22:35.120
going to increa

0:22:31.919,0:22:38.880
although you’re going to add a few um

0:22:35.120,0:22:42.640
minutes off of the curfew

0:22:38.880,0:22:44.400
um than um at that point but since they

0:22:42.640,0:22:46.240
weren’t really following it

0:22:44.400,0:22:47.520
they um they’d have to stay with the

0:22:46.240,0:22:50.000
same one um

0:22:47.520,0:22:51.760
for a little while longer and and i

0:22:50.000,0:22:53.520
think your spot on the study basically

0:22:51.760,0:22:57.360
says the same thing it should be age

0:22:53.520,0:22:58.480
specific if it goes off without a

0:22:57.360,0:23:01.919
problem you should

0:22:58.480,0:23:05.039
they should be able to you know increase

0:23:01.919,0:23:08.080
those curfews so i think you

0:23:05.039,0:23:10.080
you hit the nail on the head there

0:23:08.080,0:23:11.760
and the last question that they have

0:23:10.080,0:23:13.440
here is one that

0:23:11.760,0:23:16.000
you had already commented on what we

0:23:13.440,0:23:19.440
talked about before the show

0:23:16.000,0:23:20.000
when is it okay to let my teen start to

0:23:19.440,0:23:22.559
date

0:23:20.000,0:23:23.440
when do you think it’s okay so do you

0:23:22.559,0:23:26.559
mean like

0:23:23.440,0:23:29.470
play dates or actual dating

0:23:26.559,0:23:30.720
actual dating um

0:23:29.470,0:23:33.840
[Music]

0:23:30.720,0:23:34.960
you said when i’m 16 that’s the when i

0:23:33.840,0:23:36.640
can start dating

0:23:34.960,0:23:38.400
did i say that i was pretty sure i said

0:23:36.640,0:23:40.880

  1. what’s

0:23:38.400,0:23:43.679
26 i thought you said 16. i think mommy

0:23:40.880,0:23:43.679
said 16.

0:23:44.000,0:23:47.520
so what do you think what do you what do

0:23:45.520,0:23:49.600
you think is fair when

0:23:47.520,0:23:51.039
when should that determination be made

0:23:49.600,0:23:54.080
well for one

0:23:51.039,0:23:55.039
i don’t think it should be i think that

0:23:54.080,0:23:58.159
all

0:23:55.039,0:23:59.919
that every single gender should have an

0:23:58.159,0:24:00.799
exact time to where they’re supposed to

0:23:59.919,0:24:02.640
date

0:24:00.799,0:24:04.799
and not the guys are allowed to date

0:24:02.640,0:24:06.799
sooner than the girls because the girl

0:24:04.799,0:24:08.480
because the fathers are overprotective

0:24:06.799,0:24:11.760
of the girls

0:24:08.480,0:24:13.760
okay so you think when we make that

0:24:11.760,0:24:16.480
determination it doesn’t really matter

0:24:13.760,0:24:18.559
when it is as long as it would be

0:24:16.480,0:24:19.279
applied evenly across the board by

0:24:18.559,0:24:22.559
gender

0:24:19.279,0:24:26.720
yes because apparently whenever there’s

0:24:22.559,0:24:29.120
a female child and a male parent

0:24:26.720,0:24:32.080
involved for some reason they’re not

0:24:29.120,0:24:35.120
allowed to date until their actual

0:24:32.080,0:24:37.679
until like their mid

0:24:35.120,0:24:38.320
their mid-20s well and that’s because

0:24:37.679,0:24:41.039
the male

0:24:38.320,0:24:43.039
fathers involved in the female

0:24:41.039,0:24:46.720
daughter’s decision

0:24:43.039,0:24:50.720
knows what the male boys at her age

0:24:46.720,0:24:54.799
are like so that male father

0:24:50.720,0:24:58.400
is more overly protective because

0:24:54.799,0:25:00.559
there are far more predatory boys

0:24:58.400,0:25:03.039
at that age than there are girls at that

0:25:00.559,0:25:05.360
age yeah but i don’t like how it’s been

0:25:03.039,0:25:07.679
subjected by gender i can understand

0:25:05.360,0:25:09.520
your point from that view

0:25:07.679,0:25:11.279
well the subjection by gender has

0:25:09.520,0:25:13.919
nothing to do with

0:25:11.279,0:25:15.840
the trusting you and it really has

0:25:13.919,0:25:18.400
nothing to do with your gender

0:25:15.840,0:25:20.240
it has everything to do with the

0:25:18.400,0:25:24.720
uncontrollable animal instincts

0:25:20.240,0:25:27.840
of the opposite gender whereas

0:25:24.720,0:25:30.640
by this point in time

0:25:27.840,0:25:32.480
girls are far more mature at this age

0:25:30.640,0:25:35.440
than boys are

0:25:32.480,0:25:36.799
so as a result you’re kind of being

0:25:35.440,0:25:40.880
punished

0:25:36.799,0:25:43.200
because boys are immature

0:25:40.880,0:25:44.080
so it’s not really a negative against

0:25:43.200,0:25:45.840
girls

0:25:44.080,0:25:47.760
it’s a it’s really a negative against

0:25:45.840,0:25:49.440
boys you need to be protected more

0:25:47.760,0:25:51.760
because of the boys

0:25:49.440,0:25:52.720
ah not because there’s anything wrong

0:25:51.760,0:25:55.440
with you

0:25:52.720,0:25:57.919
okay so then it would still i’d still

0:25:55.440,0:26:00.240
support the claim that

0:25:57.919,0:26:01.279
you’d probably want to wait a few years

0:26:00.240,0:26:03.919
absolutely

0:26:01.279,0:26:05.600
like all genders every single child

0:26:03.919,0:26:06.320
should wait i’ll be honest with you i

0:26:05.600,0:26:10.000
didn’t date

0:26:06.320,0:26:11.600
until i was in uh junior in high school

0:26:10.000,0:26:14.000
i just didn’t have the time for it i had

0:26:11.600,0:26:15.760
so many other things going on

0:26:14.000,0:26:17.520
i didn’t have the time i didn’t have the

0:26:15.760,0:26:20.000
interest

0:26:17.520,0:26:22.240
and you know me i’m not particularly

0:26:20.000,0:26:25.840
social now i was even less social

0:26:22.240,0:26:27.760
in high school so

0:26:25.840,0:26:29.520
i don’t think there’s any rush to start

0:26:27.760,0:26:31.200
dating for anything

0:26:29.520,0:26:33.120
the time that you have in high school

0:26:31.200,0:26:36.400
now is a

0:26:33.120,0:26:39.600
blip on the radar of your life

0:26:36.400,0:26:42.240
and the number of people who meet

0:26:39.600,0:26:43.760
someone in high school and wind up

0:26:42.240,0:26:45.039
marrying their high school sweetheart

0:26:43.760,0:26:46.960
and having

0:26:45.039,0:26:49.080
you know living happily ever after with

0:26:46.960,0:26:52.000
them is

0:26:49.080,0:26:53.760
infinitesimally small yeah most

0:26:52.000,0:26:55.520
people get married and stay with their

0:26:53.760,0:26:56.960
partners for a long period of time it’s

0:26:55.520,0:27:00.159
something that generally happens

0:26:56.960,0:27:02.159
outside of high school so there’s no

0:27:00.159,0:27:03.600
rush to getting into a relationship

0:27:02.159,0:27:04.960
there’s more important things you need

0:27:03.600,0:27:06.320
to worry about you need to worry about

0:27:04.960,0:27:08.320
your school

0:27:06.320,0:27:09.679
you know you need to worry about what’s

0:27:08.320,0:27:12.880
going on at home

0:27:09.679,0:27:14.640
and taking care of your responsibilities

0:27:12.880,0:27:16.400
this is a chance for you to grow at this

0:27:14.640,0:27:17.520
point in time and relationships are

0:27:16.400,0:27:19.679
something that

0:27:17.520,0:27:21.039
complicates that yeah and everyone still

0:27:19.679,0:27:23.120
needs to know

0:27:21.039,0:27:24.799
if they want to date or not who they

0:27:23.120,0:27:26.480
want to date and stuff like that

0:27:24.799,0:27:28.240
they’re still fine trying to figure out

0:27:26.480,0:27:29.679
who they are at that point so they need

0:27:28.240,0:27:31.679
time to figure that out

0:27:29.679,0:27:34.080
so i definitely think my age should

0:27:31.679,0:27:35.840
definitely not be dating at this point

0:27:34.080,0:27:37.760
you still need time to figure out who

0:27:35.840,0:27:40.000
you are and

0:27:37.760,0:27:42.240
what your preference is absolutely i

0:27:40.000,0:27:44.320
agree 100

0:27:42.240,0:27:45.279
now without knowing it i’ve completely

0:27:44.320,0:27:48.000
thrown the show

0:27:45.279,0:27:49.760
off the rails because i skipped the

0:27:48.000,0:27:51.760
transition between the segments here and

0:27:49.760,0:27:53.600
i actually ran through the entire second

0:27:51.760,0:27:57.440
segment already with these questions

0:27:53.600,0:28:00.840
oh great yeah i kind of noticed so

0:27:57.440,0:28:04.480
i’m actually out of material right now

0:28:00.840,0:28:05.679
we’re not even exactly a half hour into

0:28:04.480,0:28:07.039
it at this point in time because

0:28:05.679,0:28:10.159
apparently i

0:28:07.039,0:28:12.320
paced the show wrong was there anything

0:28:10.159,0:28:14.320
from a

0:28:12.320,0:28:15.919
personal freedom standpoint that you

0:28:14.320,0:28:18.240
wanted to talk about did you have

0:28:15.919,0:28:21.679
questions about

0:28:18.240,0:28:23.279
my personal freedoms when i was a kid uh

0:28:21.679,0:28:25.120
any questions about your personal

0:28:23.279,0:28:28.640
freedom anything along those lines

0:28:25.120,0:28:30.720
i mean sure um i’m 13 now

0:28:28.640,0:28:32.720
how many how what were your personal

0:28:30.720,0:28:35.600
freedoms like when you were 13.

0:28:32.720,0:28:37.520
my parents were very laid back uh well

0:28:35.600,0:28:40.480
my father was strict but he was largely

0:28:37.520,0:28:44.000
absent so anything i got i got from my

0:28:40.480,0:28:47.520
mom’s side of things

0:28:44.000,0:28:50.960
and they never put

0:28:47.520,0:28:52.799
restrictions on me like i kind of

0:28:50.960,0:28:54.159
intuitively knew what i could and

0:28:52.799,0:28:56.399
couldn’t do

0:28:54.159,0:28:58.080
and the advantage that i had was i had

0:28:56.399,0:29:01.120
three older brothers

0:28:58.080,0:29:03.360
so i saw what they were able to do and

0:29:01.120,0:29:06.399
when they were able to do it

0:29:03.360,0:29:08.640
so the assumption kind of was okay i’m

0:29:06.399,0:29:11.120
playing by the same rules so my parents

0:29:08.640,0:29:13.200
never laid down any rules

0:29:11.120,0:29:16.720
i just did this the things that my

0:29:13.200,0:29:16.720
brothers did when they did it you know

0:29:17.120,0:29:20.720
alrighty so you basically played follow

0:29:20.000,0:29:23.679
the leader

0:29:20.720,0:29:26.559
pretty much yeah that’s the advantage of

0:29:23.679,0:29:30.880
being the youngest one okay

0:29:26.559,0:29:33.240
any other questions uh let me think

0:29:30.880,0:29:35.840
no time to think just ask really just

0:29:33.240,0:29:37.600
[Laughter]

0:29:35.840,0:29:38.960
come on you said we’re not even in half

0:29:37.600,0:29:40.960
a half hour and

0:29:38.960,0:29:42.240
you want the conversation to run long

0:29:40.960,0:29:43.440
give me some time to think

0:29:42.240,0:29:45.039
well i mean if we don’t have anything

0:29:43.440,0:29:46.880
else to talk about we don’t need to drag

0:29:45.039,0:29:50.559
it out i just didn’t know if you had any

0:29:46.880,0:29:50.559
questions that you had for me

0:29:52.960,0:29:57.200
do you think you have a lot of freedom

0:29:54.399,0:30:00.559
now i mean yeah like

0:29:57.200,0:30:01.840
i’m able to stay i can stay home if you

0:30:00.559,0:30:05.279
guys need to go out

0:30:01.840,0:30:08.720
you just you know that i i can make my

0:30:05.279,0:30:11.039
own food when i need to um

0:30:08.720,0:30:13.120
i’m able to do my own work and i even

0:30:11.039,0:30:15.679
set some restrictions myself

0:30:13.120,0:30:18.320
so are there any freedoms that you wish

0:30:15.679,0:30:22.000
you had that you don’t have

0:30:18.320,0:30:24.960
uh not really that i can think

0:30:22.000,0:30:26.000
of i mean it’d be nice to drive but i’m

0:30:24.960,0:30:29.840
not old enough

0:30:26.000,0:30:31.520
so yeah i mean that’s a state thing i

0:30:29.840,0:30:35.200
can’t really do anything about that

0:30:31.520,0:30:37.919
yeah i mean i’ll i mean i can i mean i’m

0:30:35.200,0:30:40.159
i’m able to wait i don’t have to drive

0:30:37.919,0:30:42.640
now i’m still kind of worried about

0:30:40.159,0:30:43.200
okay how am i gonna work with all of

0:30:42.640,0:30:45.520
this

0:30:43.200,0:30:47.200
like that kind of thing well and and

0:30:45.520,0:30:48.840
right now it’s a tough time to be

0:30:47.200,0:30:51.440
talking about personal freedom

0:30:48.840,0:30:53.600
because you know with the quarantine

0:30:51.440,0:30:56.799
conditions we’re under

0:30:53.600,0:30:59.039
all of our freedoms are you know

0:30:56.799,0:31:00.159
necessarily curtailed at this point in

0:30:59.039,0:31:01.679
time

0:31:00.159,0:31:04.080
you know we can’t go out we can’t do

0:31:01.679,0:31:07.519
this we have to wear our masks

0:31:04.080,0:31:10.080
you know it’s all for the greater good

0:31:07.519,0:31:12.240
but it’s all imposing on the freedoms

0:31:10.080,0:31:14.799
that we normally enjoy

0:31:12.240,0:31:16.159
do you find the restrictions that we’re

0:31:14.799,0:31:18.880
under now

0:31:16.159,0:31:20.399
with kovid uh do you find that that is

0:31:18.880,0:31:21.760
robbing you of some of the freedoms that

0:31:20.399,0:31:25.519
you normally would have

0:31:21.760,0:31:27.519
uh not actually um since i’m not

0:31:25.519,0:31:28.799
actually old enough to go to places on

0:31:27.519,0:31:31.760
my own

0:31:28.799,0:31:33.840
or know how or have any means of

0:31:31.760,0:31:34.799
transportation besides going with you

0:31:33.840,0:31:37.039
guys

0:31:34.799,0:31:38.880
i don’t really think going out was

0:31:37.039,0:31:42.559
really a problem and especially being an

0:31:38.880,0:31:43.919
introvert i really didn’t like going out

0:31:42.559,0:31:47.039
in the first place

0:31:43.919,0:31:48.720
so having to do the whole quarantine i

0:31:47.039,0:31:49.919
haven’t really been having too many

0:31:48.720,0:31:51.679
problems

0:31:49.919,0:31:53.600
i’m pretty sure other introverts can

0:31:51.679,0:31:56.000
kind of feel the same

0:31:53.600,0:31:57.200
yeah you know it’s funny i have i have

0:31:56.000,0:32:00.399
the same mindset

0:31:57.200,0:32:02.320
mostly i know

0:32:00.399,0:32:04.080
the inability to interact with others

0:32:02.320,0:32:04.480
has has posed a problem with a lot of

0:32:04.080,0:32:06.399
people

0:32:04.480,0:32:07.519
mommy included because mommy’s a very

0:32:06.399,0:32:10.559
social person

0:32:07.519,0:32:12.960
yeah but you know for me

0:32:10.559,0:32:16.159
i’m i’m indifferent like if if i have to

0:32:12.960,0:32:18.880
socialize i will but i generally don’t

0:32:16.159,0:32:20.640
actively search it out yeah so the

0:32:18.880,0:32:24.320
restrictions we’re under now

0:32:20.640,0:32:26.480
aren’t overly restrictive yeah

0:32:24.320,0:32:28.880
i mean introverts alike can probably

0:32:26.480,0:32:31.519
agree with us saying that

0:32:28.880,0:32:32.640
quarantine the whole quarantine hasn’t

0:32:31.519,0:32:36.399
really

0:32:32.640,0:32:38.640
done much for us it’s just

0:32:36.399,0:32:40.640
if anything the people who really hated

0:32:38.640,0:32:42.960
socializing and wouldn’t do it even if

0:32:40.640,0:32:45.279
they had to we’re probably like

0:32:42.960,0:32:46.159
hey now i don’t have to socialize when i

0:32:45.279,0:32:48.399
don’t want to

0:32:46.159,0:32:49.679
like that kind of thing what about your

0:32:48.399,0:32:53.039
friend do you think your

0:32:49.679,0:32:54.399
your friends have the level of freedom

0:32:53.039,0:32:56.080
that they think they deserve

0:32:54.399,0:32:58.799
that they would desire at this point in

0:32:56.080,0:33:02.320
time or do you think that they may be

0:32:58.799,0:33:06.000
overly free or less free than you

0:33:02.320,0:33:06.480
i mean my friend elena um i think she’s

0:33:06.000,0:33:08.240
pretty

0:33:06.480,0:33:10.480
well off with her own freedom she’s

0:33:08.240,0:33:14.399
slightly younger than me but she has

0:33:10.480,0:33:17.519
honestly pretty nice freedoms for being

0:33:14.399,0:33:21.679
um a few years younger than i am

0:33:17.519,0:33:25.519
um and my friend chris

0:33:21.679,0:33:28.640
he um he actually

0:33:25.519,0:33:30.559
um when we were doing school

0:33:28.640,0:33:32.480
and his parents still had to go to work

0:33:30.559,0:33:34.000
they trusted him to stay home by himself

0:33:32.480,0:33:36.559
while he was doing his school work

0:33:34.000,0:33:38.960
so i’d say he’s pretty well off with his

0:33:36.559,0:33:41.039
own freedoms okay so it sounds like you

0:33:38.960,0:33:42.480
know for the most part

0:33:41.039,0:33:44.320
sounds like most of the kids that you

0:33:42.480,0:33:47.600
know have

0:33:44.320,0:33:49.279
similar level of freedom as you do

0:33:47.600,0:33:50.880
all right well i think that’s really all

0:33:49.279,0:33:54.320
we had to talk about today

0:33:50.880,0:33:56.159
we’ll take a quick break come back and

0:33:54.320,0:33:58.750
get your closing remarks and any shout

0:33:56.159,0:34:04.799
outs that you have

0:33:58.750,0:34:08.960
[Music]

0:34:04.799,0:34:12.560
go for your closing remarks alrighty so

0:34:08.960,0:34:14.879
for my closing remarks today um to all

0:34:12.560,0:34:16.800
the parents out there who do have teens

0:34:14.879,0:34:18.839
and you’re still struggling to kind of

0:34:16.800,0:34:22.079
find the perfect balance of

0:34:18.839,0:34:25.760
responsibility and restrictions

0:34:22.079,0:34:28.960
just know two litter or two

0:34:25.760,0:34:30.079
most like most things in life too little

0:34:28.960,0:34:32.879
or too much

0:34:30.079,0:34:34.000
is bad you need to find the right in the

0:34:32.879,0:34:37.200
center

0:34:34.000,0:34:40.639
you need to have decent restrictions

0:34:37.200,0:34:44.960
but also have allow your team to have

0:34:40.639,0:34:48.159
decent freedoms like you can allow them

0:34:44.960,0:34:50.240
to stay up but

0:34:48.159,0:34:53.119
you can like tell them to go off

0:34:50.240,0:34:56.399
technology at a certain time

0:34:53.119,0:35:01.359
um something similar to that okay

0:34:56.399,0:35:05.040
makes sense i think that was all for

0:35:01.359,0:35:06.640
this week before we go i would invite

0:35:05.040,0:35:10.320
you to subscribe to us

0:35:06.640,0:35:13.760
uh to the podcast on apple

0:35:10.320,0:35:16.079
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0:35:13.760,0:35:17.280
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0:35:16.079,0:35:20.000
out there

0:35:17.280,0:35:20.320
if you’re looking for our audio versions

0:35:20.000,0:35:23.680
we

0:35:20.320,0:35:25.520
are listed under insights into teens

0:35:23.680,0:35:26.880
and our video versions are listed on

0:35:25.520,0:35:29.760
their insights

0:35:26.880,0:35:32.359
into things now we would welcome your

0:35:29.760,0:35:34.240
feedback you can email us at comments at

0:35:32.359,0:35:37.119
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0:35:34.240,0:35:39.599
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0:35:37.119,0:35:42.640
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0:35:39.599,0:35:45.599
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0:35:42.640,0:35:48.240
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0:35:45.599,0:35:51.200
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0:35:48.240,0:35:52.560
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0:35:51.200,0:35:57.119
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0:35:52.560,0:35:59.599
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0:35:57.119,0:36:02.240
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0:35:59.599,0:36:03.599
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0:36:02.240,0:36:06.480
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0:36:03.599,0:36:07.760
or you can get links to all those things

0:36:06.480,0:36:11.440
on our website

0:36:07.760,0:36:13.680
at http://www.insightsintothings.com

0:36:11.440,0:36:15.839
and you and don’t forget to check out

0:36:13.680,0:36:16.720
our other two podcasts insights and

0:36:15.839,0:36:19.280
entertainment

0:36:16.720,0:36:21.680
hosted by you and mommy and insight into

0:36:19.280,0:36:23.440
tomorrow our monthly podcast hosted by

0:36:21.680,0:36:26.720
you and my brother sam

0:36:23.440,0:36:41.839
nicely done and another one in the books

0:36:26.720,0:36:41.839
bye everyone bye

0:36:57.599,0:36:59.680
you

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