Insights Into Teens: Episode 119 “Teens and Acceptance”

Today we’re talking about teens and acceptance. We’ll explore what acceptance is and why it’s important. Then we’ll talk a little bit about understanding teen development and how that plays into acceptance. Finally we’ll explore tips on improving teen acceptance.

Show Notes

INTRO THEME]

  • [INTRODUCTIONS] 
    • Insights Into Teens: Episode 119 “Teens and Acceptance”
    • My exceptional and motivated co-host Madison Whalen
    • Summary
      • Today we’re talking about teens and acceptance. We’ll explore what acceptance is and why it’s important. Then we’ll talk a little bit about understanding teen development and how that plays into acceptance. Finally we’ll explore tips on improving teen acceptance.
    • [Show Plugs]

[TRANSITION]

   [SEGMENT 1] 

WHAT IS ACCEPTANCE AND WHY IS IT IMPORTANT

  • WHAT IS ACCEPTANCE?
  • https://understandingteenagers.com.au/acceptance-improve-teenage-behaviour/ 
  • https://bit.ly/37ng3RE 
    • Acceptance means acknowledging your teenager is the way he or she is today and choosing to deal with it as a fact of life.
      • They are as they are today. 
      • They might change in the future, but here and now this is who they are.
      • They are your child, and you chose to love them the way they are.
    • This is different to constantly saying “I wish he would…” or “When is she going to…” or “I’m so sick off…”
      • Acceptance is being able to see your teen for who they are, shortcomings and all, and say I love you as you are.
    • Acceptance doesn’t mean that you have to approve, agree, condone, support, or even tolerate certain behaviours or attitudes that your teen displays.
      • Acceptance doesn’t mean:
        • that you forget the things they have said or done that have hurt you or others.
        • you avoid taking appropriate actions to protect yourself and others from unsafe behaviour.
        • lowering your expectations or hopes for your teen.
        • never getting annoyed, frustrated or angry at your teen’s behaviour.
      • Acceptance is acknowledging 
        • what is happening
        • how your teen is behaving
        • all the feelings that generate for you
        • and then choosing to say “This is who we are today, and I can live with that today.”
    • Acceptance isn’t easy. And it can take some effort to get there. But it is important.
  • WHY ACCEPTANCE IS IMPORTANT
    • Parents need to be an agent of change for their teens.
      • Your teenager will be open to you as an agent of change when they feel accepted by you.
      • Accepting your teenager is an important, but difficult, challenge for many parents.
    • It’s easy for our teenager’s short comings to dominate how we perceive them. 
      • The more conscious we become of their failings, the more negatives we see. 
      • It can become a downward spiral of frustration and disappointment.
    • This negative cycle results in many of us trying harder to correct our teens attitudes and behaviour. 
      • We become more critical, more demanding, and feel increasingly stressed and angry.
    • These negative emotions come out in how we then relate to our teenager. 
      • Teenagers perceive the negativity and interpret its meaning “You are not good enough” or “When you change I will accept you.”
    • The more we relate to our teenager out of frustration and anger the less receptive they become to our influence. 
      • The harder we try to make a teenager change the more stubborn and rebellious they become.
    • This is why acceptance is so important and foundational to how parents impact teenage behaviour.

[AD1: SSE]

[SEGMENT 2]

UNDERSTANDING TEEN DEVELOPMENT

  • ACCEPTANCE AND CHANGE
    • Acceptance as the foundation for transformation is true for all of us. 
      • And it is vital to transform teenage behaviour.
      • If you had someone in your life who was always critical or you, putting you down, and constantly disapproved of you, would you be open to allowing that person to speak meaningfully into your life?
      • It is likely you would become defensive whenever they said something and dismissive of any suggestions they made. 
      • Rather than allowing them to influence your life, you would likely become increasingly critical and judgmental of them.
    • The reality is the people who you listen to and respect are those who you feel accepted and valued by.
      • The same is true for your teenager.
      • If as a parent, you have become a constant source of criticism, judgement, nagging, and disapproval, then your teenager is going to be very reluctant to comply with anything you have to say.
      • If your teenager feels like she has to change to earn your acceptance then she will be far more resistant and closed off to your input into her life. 
      • When she feels like you are against her and not for her, then she will shut you out as much as possible.
      • The result being your relationship with your teenager deteriorates and her attitude and behaviour is likely to get worse not better.
    • When your teenager feels accepted by you, not only will she be more pleasant to get along with, but she will be more open to you and your influence.
      • If your teenager feels like you value her and care for her, then she will see you as someone who is worth listening to and following.
  • TEENAGE BEHAVIOUR & DEVELOPMENT
    • There are reasons why 13 year old’s aren’t considered adults or expected to fulfil all the responsibilities of adults
      • They aren’t emotionally, physically or mentally ready to be adults.
    • When considering what drives you nuts about your teenager it is important to consider is it their character that is bugging you, or is it a function of their development that is annoying you? 
      • Don’t confuse character with development
    • When your young teenager constantly forgets things or seems permanently disorganised, it isn’t because she is incompetent and going to grow up to be useless. 
      • Young teenagers are vague and forgetful because their developing brains are under construction and a side effect is a forgetfulness and disorganisation. 
      • She will grow out of it – but not tomorrow.
    • When your normally sensible 16-year-old son starts doing some stupid and dangerous things with his friends, it doesn’t mean he is turning into a delinquent or is destined to be reckless. 
      • Adolescent males in their mid-teens are wired to take risks and very susceptible to the influence of their friends, especially in the heat of the moment. 
      • He will grow out of it.
    • When teens do annoying, frustrating things it is good to stop and ask yourself, is it just my teen or do most teens this age do similar things?
      • If it is developmental, then a constructive response is to work with them to develop some strategies for helping them get through the phase. 
      • Help your early teen daughter work out systems to be better organised. 
      • Talk to your son about avoiding situations where he is likely to make dumb choices.
    • Accepting where they are up to in their development can help take the anxiety and emotional intensity out of it for you. 
      • It also leads you towards constructive responses rather than yelling and negative labelling.

[AD2: ENTERTAINMENT]

[SEGMENT 3] 

TIPS FOR IMPROVING TEEN ACCEPTANCE

  • DON’T TAKE IT ALL PERSONALLY
    • We live in a culture that creates an amazing pressure on parents to “get it right.” 
      • You don’t have to look hard any day to find an article or news report that is shaming or accusing parents of failing in some way.
      • This culture of parent blaming can cause us all to feel like our kid’s failings are a reflection on our parenting. 
      • When our teenagers mess up, we think it somehow exposes our parenting failures.
      • When we take our teenagers behaviour as a reflection our parenting performance we direct a whole heap of negative emotions in their direction.
      • Your teen’s behaviour is not always a reflection of who you are or your parenting.
    • Teens are going to do dumb things, have emotional outbursts, loose their temper, say outrageous things, push limits, make mistakes. 
      • None of these things mean you are failing as a parent. 
      • No matter how diligent a parent you are, your teen is still going to be a teenager at some point.
      • There is no such thing as a perfect parent – so don’t expect you will be one. 
      • There is no such thing as a perfect teenager, so don’t think your teenagers imperfections are all about you and your parenting.
  • FACE UP TO YOUR EMOTIONS
    • Acceptance of your teen doesn’t mean that the emotional toll of their behaviour will disappear. 
      • Living with a moody, disrespectful or uncooperative teenager is difficult.
      • Your teen is probably going cause you a whole world of pain. 
      • So admit it and deal with the feelings constructively.
    • Constructively does not mean venting your emotions at your teenager. 
      • Your feelings of anger, frustration, and disappointment are real and justified. 
      • However while the feelings aren’t wrong, how you express them can make things worse not better.
      • If your teen does not acknowledge the negative impact of what they have done, you getting angry and resenting them won’t change that. 
      • In fact in many cases it will result in your teenager thinking you are the one with the problem.
      • If your teen knows he has done something to upset or hurt you, your anger will only distract him from his own culpability and remorseful feelings.
    • Consider other outlets for your negative feelings towards your teen. 
      • Have a rant to your partner about how “our” teenager is driving you nuts. 
      • Go for a run, write in journal, or scream into a pillow. 
      • Whatever it is, find some way to dissipate the energy away from your teenager.
      • Acknowledging how you feel and expressing the emotion in a safe place will enable you to respond to your teen in a more constructive fashion. 
      • When you aren’t seething with rage or feeling completely fed up, your much more likely to engage in a positive conversation with your teenager.
  • LOOK FOR THE POSITIVES
    • A good way to interrupt the cycle of negativity and criticism is to consciously look for the things you appreciate about your teenager.
      • Make an effort every day to identify something about who your teenager is or what they do that is positive. 
      • What is it about him that you appreciate? 
      • What did she do today that was helpful or a step in the right direction?
    • Once you identify it, make a point to communicate with your teenager. 
      • You don’t have to make a big song or dance about it, just a simple comment that starts with “ I really admire the way you…” or “ I appreciated it today when you…”
      • It might be worth finding a place to note the things down, so in those times when you are being driven crazy, you can pull out your list and be reminded of the positives about your teenager.
  • DON’T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF
    • A consequence of not accepting your teen can be that you become hypercritical of everything about them.
      • One way to make acceptance more doable, is to make a list of the things that drive you nuts about your teenager and then cross out the stuff that really doesn’t matter in the long run.
      • For instance, a teenager’s bedroom is a common sore point for many parents. 
      • But in the big scheme of things, is a messy bedroom an issue that needs to be dealt with right away in order for your teen to live a successful life?
      • Sure a messy bedroom might annoy you and not be how you want to live, but if your teen is okay with it, just let it go. 
      • Shut the door and don’t think about it. 
      • It isn’t impacting you and your life. 
      • That is one less issue for you to have to process and manage.
    • Likewise the music a teenager listens to. 
      • So what if you don’t like it? 
      • As long as you don’t have to hear it and it isn’t keeping people awake, is there any reason for you to get excited about it? 
      • Expressing disapproval over music or computer games just creates negative noise for very little gain.
  • ACKNOWLEDGE THE STATE OF PLAY
    • For the things on your list that you can’t cross off, make a habit everyday of reading through them and acknowledging how things are and who your teen is today.
      • Take the list and before reading it say to yourself “I accept (teens name). I accept him/her knowing that ….(then read the list of issues) i.e. he doesn’t clean up after himself, is hard to talk to, is treating his siblings badly, is constantly disrespectful to me….etc”
    • This isn’t condoning or saying the behaviour is okay or shouldn’t change. 
      • It is merely reinforcing that you need to start with who your teen is today and be conscious of choosing to accept them as they are.
      • When you can shift your mindset to accepting your teen first and then seeing what happens, you will be surprised at how much easier change is.

[TRANSITION]

[OUTRO AND CREDITS]

Transcription

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[Music]

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insightful podcasts

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[Music]

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by informative hosts

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[Music]

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insights into things a podcast network

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[Music]

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welcome to insights into teens a podcast

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series exploring the issues and

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challenges

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of today’s youth your hosts are joseph

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and madison whalen

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a father and daughter team making their

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way through the challenges

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of the teenage years

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welcome to insights into teens this is

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episode 119

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teens and acceptance i’m your host

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joseph whalen

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and my exceptional and motivated co-host

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madison whalen

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ah hi everyone yeah you’re over there

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this time

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that’s okay how you doing today maddie

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i’m doing all right how about you

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doing good so you had a couple of

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marathon marching band days this week

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didn’t you

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yep how’d how’d that go overall

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not horrible which is good we’re

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starting to get into

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we’ll always take not horrible over

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horrible yeah we’re

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starting to get the drills set up so

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that’s gonna be something we’re

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exploring in band camp

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and that’s next week right so that’s

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five days of nine to nine

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yep it’s gonna be a busy week in fact so

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busy we’re not gonna be able to do our

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podcast at our

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regularly scheduled time on thursday so

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we’ll probably wind up doing your

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podcast on saturday

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yes or sunday at some point

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i don’t know we’ve got stuff going on on

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saturday so that might conflict

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yeah but that’s not what we’re talking

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about today yeah

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today we’re talking about teens and

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acceptance

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so we’ll explore what acceptance is and

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why it’s important

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then we’ll talk a little bit about

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understanding teen development

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and how that plays into acceptance and

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finally

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we’ll explore tips on improving teen

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acceptance

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but before we start that i would invite

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our

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audience both our listening and our

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viewing audience to subscribe to our

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you ready to get started sure so we’re

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going to mix things up a little bit this

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week and you’re going to do

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you’re going to intro segment one here

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we go

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[Music]

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so in this first segment we’re going to

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be talking about what acceptance is

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and why it’s important so the research

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for this um

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for most for the entire show um

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comes from understanding

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teenagers.com um

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and they say and for what acceptance is

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they say acceptance means acknowledging

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your teenager is

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the way is the way is the way he is the

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way

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he or she is today and choosing to

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deal with it as a fact of life

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they are as they are today they might

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change in the future but

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here and now this is who they are

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they are your child and you choose to

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love them the way they are

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this is different to consistently saying

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i wish she would or

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when she is going to or i’m so sick of

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acceptance is being able to see your

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teen for who they are shortcomings and

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all and say i love you as you are

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acceptance doesn’t mean that you have to

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approve agree

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condone support or even tolerate certain

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behaviors

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or attitudes that your teen displays

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acceptance doesn’t mean that you forget

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the things they have

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said or done that have hurt you or

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others

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you avoid taking appropriate actions to

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protect yourself and others from unsafe

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behavior

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lowering your expectations or hopes of

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your teen

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never getting annoyed frustrated or

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angry at your teen’s behavior

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acceptance is acknowledging what is

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happening

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how your teen is behaving all the

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feelings that generate

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that generate for you and then choosing

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to say

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this is who we are today and i can live

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with that today

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except is it acceptance isn’t easy

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and it can take some effort to get there

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but it is important so why

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is acceptance important so parents need

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to be

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an agent of change for their teens

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your teenager will open up to you as an

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agent of change when they feel accepted

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by you

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if they’re not accepted we can’t do our

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jobs so accepting your teen is

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an important but difficult challenge for

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many parents

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it’s easy for our teenagers shortcomings

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to dominate how we perceive them

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the more conscious we become of their

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feelings the more negatives we see

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it can become a downward spiral spiral

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of frustration

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and disappointment this negative cycle

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results in many of us trying harder to

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correct our teen’s attitudes and

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behavior

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we become more critical more demanding

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and feel increasingly stressed and angry

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the negative emotions come out in how we

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then

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relate to our teacher a teenager

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teenagers perceive the negativity and

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interpret its meaning

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you’re not good enough when you change

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i’ll accept you and things of that

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nature

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the more we relate to our teenager out

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of frustration and anger

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the less receptive they become to our

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influence

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the harder we try to make a teenager

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change the more stubborn and rebellious

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they become

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this is why acceptance is so important

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to foundation

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and foundational to how parents impact

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teenage behavior

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now these definitions that we’re talking

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about here and

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the importance of it center around teens

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being accepted by their parents

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and i kind of i think we needed to focus

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on that at the beginning of this

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discussion

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because if a teen isn’t getting the

0:07:27.120,0:07:29.680
acceptance at home

0:07:28.500,0:07:32.080
[Music]

0:07:29.680,0:07:33.360
they can’t possibly get the acceptance

0:07:32.080,0:07:36.479
outside the home

0:07:33.360,0:07:40.319
with friends or peers or co-workers or

0:07:36.479,0:07:43.039
other students so it’s vitally important

0:07:40.319,0:07:46.160
that parents accept their teens

0:07:43.039,0:07:48.080
so many parents have this tendency of

0:07:46.160,0:07:49.280
having this image of what their teen

0:07:48.080,0:07:51.360
should be

0:07:49.280,0:07:52.319
you know i want my team to act like me

0:07:51.360,0:07:55.440
or be like me

0:07:52.319,0:07:57.680
or do the things that i did and you wind

0:07:55.440,0:07:59.039
up putting unrealistic expectations on

0:07:57.680,0:08:02.000
your teens and when they

0:07:59.039,0:08:03.840
fail to meet those expectations these

0:08:02.000,0:08:06.800
negative feelings arise

0:08:03.840,0:08:07.280
yeah so you have to have that acceptance

0:08:06.800,0:08:09.440
from

0:08:07.280,0:08:11.759
a parent to teenager level before your

0:08:09.440,0:08:13.680
teenager can go out into the world

0:08:11.759,0:08:15.120
and get that acceptance elsewhere the

0:08:13.680,0:08:18.080
acceptance elsewhere isn’t less

0:08:15.120,0:08:19.680
important but it starts at home

0:08:18.080,0:08:21.120
do you what are your thoughts on that

0:08:19.680,0:08:24.840
how do you feel about that

0:08:21.120,0:08:26.479
i definitely feel like you are right

0:08:24.840,0:08:29.759
because

0:08:26.479,0:08:31.039
at home is well teens are technically

0:08:29.759,0:08:33.039
supposed to be

0:08:31.039,0:08:35.200
really close with the people they live

0:08:33.039,0:08:38.159
with and if they can’t really find

0:08:35.200,0:08:38.640
acceptance in where they live trying to

0:08:38.159,0:08:40.080
find it

0:08:38.640,0:08:43.519
elsewhere is going to be a lot more

0:08:40.080,0:08:47.360
difficult yeah now how do you feel about

0:08:43.519,0:08:48.720
acceptance from a peer level do you

0:08:47.360,0:08:50.959
well first of all do you feel that you

0:08:48.720,0:08:52.080
get acceptance at home here from from

0:08:50.959,0:08:54.000
mommy and daddy

0:08:52.080,0:08:56.240
yeah i definitely feel like you two

0:08:54.000,0:08:59.360
accept me for who i want to be

0:08:56.240,0:09:01.120
and what i want to be in a sense so i

0:08:59.360,0:09:04.640
definitely feel like i

0:09:01.120,0:09:06.959
i feel accepted by you guys so

0:09:04.640,0:09:08.080
i think that’s kind of covered yeah and

0:09:06.959,0:09:10.080
i kind of feel

0:09:08.080,0:09:12.480
and i’m pretty sure mommy is on along

0:09:10.080,0:09:15.200
the same lines that

0:09:12.480,0:09:17.920
we don’t want you to be the same as us

0:09:15.200,0:09:21.519
we want you to be your own person

0:09:17.920,0:09:22.000
so when you know you have this tendency

0:09:21.519,0:09:23.760
and

0:09:22.000,0:09:25.200
parents in general have this tendency of

0:09:23.760,0:09:27.040
saying oh well

0:09:25.200,0:09:29.279
she gets this from you or she gets this

0:09:27.040,0:09:30.800
from me or she’s got my nose or you know

0:09:29.279,0:09:34.080
whatever it is or she acted

0:09:30.800,0:09:36.320
acts this way because of you

0:09:34.080,0:09:37.680
parents try to find those similarities

0:09:36.320,0:09:39.680
because they want to know

0:09:37.680,0:09:41.279
they want that reassurance that yes this

0:09:39.680,0:09:43.600
is my offspring and they’re taking

0:09:41.279,0:09:46.080
after me and continuing my line or

0:09:43.600,0:09:48.880
whatever it is

0:09:46.080,0:09:50.320
but i like seeing the things that are

0:09:48.880,0:09:53.440
different from you like

0:09:50.320,0:09:54.959
you’re a musician i i

0:09:53.440,0:09:57.120
couldn’t do music you know i was in

0:09:54.959,0:10:00.320
choir but i have

0:09:57.120,0:10:02.000
i have less you have more musical talent

0:10:00.320,0:10:03.680
in your pinky finger than i have in my

0:10:02.000,0:10:06.800
entire body

0:10:03.680,0:10:09.680
and i think that’s awesome

0:10:06.800,0:10:11.600
artistically you know artistically i

0:10:09.680,0:10:12.959
can’t draw stick figures to look

0:10:11.600,0:10:15.200
convincing

0:10:12.959,0:10:16.079
so the fact that you’re this aspiring

0:10:15.200,0:10:19.120
artist and

0:10:16.079,0:10:21.839
the way that i see you progress and

0:10:19.120,0:10:22.800
improve and i know that that doesn’t

0:10:21.839,0:10:24.640
come from me

0:10:22.800,0:10:26.640
it’s you and you alone the fact that

0:10:24.640,0:10:28.320
you’re left-handed and neither mommy or

0:10:26.640,0:10:29.279
daddy or left-handed i think that’s

0:10:28.320,0:10:31.519
really cool

0:10:29.279,0:10:33.279
yeah the fact i feel like i’m the only

0:10:31.519,0:10:34.000
person in our entire family line that’s

0:10:33.279,0:10:36.000
left-handed

0:10:34.000,0:10:37.120
right and i think that’s really cool

0:10:36.000,0:10:39.920
that

0:10:37.120,0:10:41.360
that’s that’s your your claim to fame

0:10:39.920,0:10:43.200
saying yes i’m unique

0:10:41.360,0:10:44.959
i’m different and mommy and daddy love

0:10:43.200,0:10:46.240
that about you and we accept that about

0:10:44.959,0:10:49.360
you

0:10:46.240,0:10:51.760
so i like to see those differences and

0:10:49.360,0:10:52.959
celebrate those differences because i

0:10:51.760,0:10:54.640
think it’s really neat that you’re

0:10:52.959,0:10:57.279
becoming your own person

0:10:54.640,0:10:58.320
yeah uh just like with sam you know

0:10:57.279,0:11:01.600
sam’s interest

0:10:58.320,0:11:03.519
in broadcast and the engineering and all

0:11:01.600,0:11:06.560
the stuff that he’s into there

0:11:03.519,0:11:08.399
yes there are a lot of things that sam

0:11:06.560,0:11:09.920
and i share some some passions that he

0:11:08.399,0:11:11.120
and i share there are passions you and i

0:11:09.920,0:11:12.959
share

0:11:11.120,0:11:14.560
and those are things that we immediately

0:11:12.959,0:11:17.600
connect on

0:11:14.560,0:11:21.920
but the things that you alone have

0:11:17.600,0:11:23.600
kind of developed into your movie making

0:11:21.920,0:11:25.600
i think that’s awesome that’s something

0:11:23.600,0:11:27.519
that drives me to be

0:11:25.600,0:11:28.880
better in that area or to learn more

0:11:27.519,0:11:30.720
about it

0:11:28.880,0:11:33.680
and it’s something that helps me to grow

0:11:30.720,0:11:36.000
and then we can connect on that as well

0:11:33.680,0:11:38.079
so i think those things accepting those

0:11:36.000,0:11:40.480
differences really is what

0:11:38.079,0:11:42.320
what builds that relationship between

0:11:40.480,0:11:44.079
teenagers and their parents

0:11:42.320,0:11:45.519
yeah um so when there are those

0:11:44.079,0:11:46.640
differences i think it’s a good thing

0:11:45.519,0:11:50.399
not a bad thing

0:11:46.640,0:11:52.399
yeah so you get the acceptance here

0:11:50.399,0:11:55.200
how do you feel it’s it’s it’s hard to

0:11:52.399,0:11:57.200
ask this question now because of

0:11:55.200,0:11:58.560
covid and all the crazy stuff going on

0:11:57.200,0:12:01.200
but do you feel

0:11:58.560,0:12:02.880
like let’s talk marching band so now

0:12:01.200,0:12:06.079
you’re in this community of

0:12:02.880,0:12:06.959
of people that are talented musicians

0:12:06.079,0:12:09.920
that have this

0:12:06.959,0:12:11.680
passion for marching band do you feel

0:12:09.920,0:12:13.360
that you’re being accepted into that

0:12:11.680,0:12:16.720
group as well

0:12:13.360,0:12:19.040
yeah pretty much um i get along with

0:12:16.720,0:12:20.639
most of the other trumpet players and

0:12:19.040,0:12:22.240
i also get along with some of the other

0:12:20.639,0:12:23.600
instruments and

0:12:22.240,0:12:25.760
most of the teachers are pretty good

0:12:23.600,0:12:27.600
with me so i definitely think i’m

0:12:25.760,0:12:30.079
pretty accepted in the marching band

0:12:27.600,0:12:33.120
area and i think it’s important

0:12:30.079,0:12:35.120
that you feel accepted because

0:12:33.120,0:12:37.200
that acceptance that you get at home

0:12:35.120,0:12:39.120
translates into

0:12:37.200,0:12:40.720
a level of self-confidence that you have

0:12:39.120,0:12:43.600
that they didn’t even talk about

0:12:40.720,0:12:45.440
in in our introduction here but that

0:12:43.600,0:12:47.440
acceptance that you get at home helps to

0:12:45.440,0:12:50.560
build that self-confidence that you need

0:12:47.440,0:12:53.360
to move on and be accepted elsewhere

0:12:50.560,0:12:55.760
if you feel out of place at home you’re

0:12:53.360,0:12:59.120
immediately going to feel

0:12:55.760,0:13:00.959
awkward and outcast

0:12:59.120,0:13:03.200
and stuff in other environments do you

0:13:00.959,0:13:05.360
agree yeah probably

0:13:03.200,0:13:07.680
so all in all do you think that you have

0:13:05.360,0:13:10.079
a well-adjusted

0:13:07.680,0:13:11.120
attitude towards acceptance at this

0:13:10.079,0:13:14.320
point in time

0:13:11.120,0:13:16.320
yeah i definitely think that

0:13:14.320,0:13:19.040
thanks to you guys i’ve definitely

0:13:16.320,0:13:21.360
started feeling accepted and

0:13:19.040,0:13:22.480
i have that amount of self-confidence

0:13:21.360,0:13:25.120
that if i am

0:13:22.480,0:13:27.519
in a new area where um i could gain

0:13:25.120,0:13:29.279
acceptance i probably will

0:13:27.519,0:13:31.200
so with marching band did you

0:13:29.279,0:13:32.480
immediately get acceptance because of

0:13:31.200,0:13:35.120
the community

0:13:32.480,0:13:37.360
or did you get acceptance because of

0:13:35.120,0:13:39.440
your engagement within that community

0:13:37.360,0:13:41.360
like did you have to engage with others

0:13:39.440,0:13:43.279
before they accepted you or was it just

0:13:41.360,0:13:45.360
an accepting community in general

0:13:43.279,0:13:47.600
i mean it was just it was actually a

0:13:45.360,0:13:48.000
really accepting community in general

0:13:47.600,0:13:51.120
because

0:13:48.000,0:13:53.279
they were kind of looking um my band

0:13:51.120,0:13:56.720
teacher who was also the marching band

0:13:53.279,0:13:57.120
um teacher kind of like wanted all of

0:13:56.720,0:13:59.839
the

0:13:57.120,0:14:00.639
trumpets from my one class to join

0:13:59.839,0:14:03.279
because they want

0:14:00.639,0:14:05.120
they kind of just wanted new members and

0:14:03.279,0:14:05.839
i was kind of immediately accepted in

0:14:05.120,0:14:07.279
afterwards

0:14:05.839,0:14:09.680
well that’s good so there wasn’t much

0:14:07.279,0:14:12.560
effort on your part then not too much

0:14:09.680,0:14:13.120
well that’s great so let’s take a little

0:14:12.560,0:14:15.120
break

0:14:13.120,0:14:17.680
and we’ll come back and we’ll talk about

0:14:15.120,0:14:19.970
understanding teen development and how

0:14:17.680,0:14:28.320
acceptance plays into that

0:14:19.970,0:14:31.360
[Music]

0:14:28.320,0:14:34.000
for over seven years the second sith

0:14:31.360,0:14:34.880
empire has been the premier community

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in the online game star wars the old

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republic

0:14:39.199,0:14:43.839
with hundreds of friendly and helpful

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active members

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a weekly schedule of nightly events

0:14:47.199,0:14:51.120
annual guild meet and greets and an

0:14:49.920,0:14:54.800
active community

0:14:51.120,0:14:57.279
both on the web and on discord

0:14:54.800,0:14:59.199
the second civ empire is more than your

0:14:57.279,0:15:03.040
typical gaming group

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we’re family join us on the star forge

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server

0:15:03.760,0:15:10.639
for nightly events such as operations

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flash points world boss hunts

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more

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visit us on the web today at

0:15:24.839,0:15:27.839
http://www.the2ndsithempire.com

0:15:28.470,0:15:32.240
[Music]

0:15:30.000,0:15:33.600
welcome back to insights into teens

0:15:32.240,0:15:36.800
today we’re talking about

0:15:33.600,0:15:38.800
teens and acceptance so

0:15:36.800,0:15:40.480
it’s important to kind of understand

0:15:38.800,0:15:44.079
teen development to really

0:15:40.480,0:15:47.279
put acceptance into perspective

0:15:44.079,0:15:49.680
so acceptance and change acceptance

0:15:47.279,0:15:50.880
as the foundation for transformation is

0:15:49.680,0:15:53.680
true for all of us

0:15:50.880,0:15:56.880
doesn’t matter your age and it’s vital

0:15:53.680,0:15:59.040
to transform teenage behavior

0:15:56.880,0:16:00.320
if you have had someone in your life who

0:15:59.040,0:16:03.360
was always critical

0:16:00.320,0:16:06.480
or you of you putting you down

0:16:03.360,0:16:08.480
and constantly disapproved of you

0:16:06.480,0:16:10.320
you’d be open would you be open to

0:16:08.480,0:16:13.279
allowing that person to speak

0:16:10.320,0:16:15.680
meaningfully into your life

0:16:13.279,0:16:17.040
it’s likely you’d become defensive

0:16:15.680,0:16:20.399
whenever they said something and

0:16:17.040,0:16:22.240
dismissive of any suggestions they made

0:16:20.399,0:16:24.240
rather than allowing them to influence

0:16:22.240,0:16:26.480
your life you’d likely become

0:16:24.240,0:16:27.680
increasingly critical and judgmental of

0:16:26.480,0:16:29.920
them

0:16:27.680,0:16:32.160
the reality is the people who you listen

0:16:29.920,0:16:34.240
to and respect are those who you feel

0:16:32.160,0:16:37.040
accepted and valued by

0:16:34.240,0:16:37.759
the same is true for your teenager if as

0:16:37.040,0:16:39.440
a parent

0:16:37.759,0:16:41.040
you have become a constant source of

0:16:39.440,0:16:43.279
criticism judgment

0:16:41.040,0:16:45.600
nagging and disapproval then your

0:16:43.279,0:16:48.720
teenager is going to be very reluctant

0:16:45.600,0:16:51.519
to comply with anything you say

0:16:48.720,0:16:51.920
if your teenager feels like she she or

0:16:51.519,0:16:54.800
he

0:16:51.920,0:16:56.720
has to change to earn your acceptance

0:16:54.800,0:16:58.000
then they will be far more resistant and

0:16:56.720,0:17:01.360
closed off to your

0:16:58.000,0:17:04.319
input in their in their life

0:17:01.360,0:17:04.959
when they feel like you are against them

0:17:04.319,0:17:08.240
and not

0:17:04.959,0:17:09.839
for them then they will shut you out as

0:17:08.240,0:17:11.839
much as possible

0:17:09.839,0:17:14.000
the result being your relationship with

0:17:11.839,0:17:15.919
your teenager deteriorates and their

0:17:14.000,0:17:16.400
attitude and behavior is likely to get

0:17:15.919,0:17:19.280
worse

0:17:16.400,0:17:20.400
and not better when your teenager feels

0:17:19.280,0:17:23.600
accepted by you

0:17:20.400,0:17:23.600
not only will they be more

0:17:24.160,0:17:28.000
pleasant to get along with but they will

0:17:27.360,0:17:30.640
be more

0:17:28.000,0:17:31.919
open to you and your influence if your

0:17:30.640,0:17:34.480
teenager feels you

0:17:31.919,0:17:35.280
value them and care for them then they

0:17:34.480,0:17:37.679
will see you

0:17:35.280,0:17:38.640
as someone who is worth listening to and

0:17:37.679,0:17:41.360
following

0:17:38.640,0:17:42.400
and i think that’s a pretty true for

0:17:41.360,0:17:45.360
everybody isn’t it

0:17:42.400,0:17:47.360
i mean yeah and they actually do a good

0:17:45.360,0:17:50.559
like idea of kind of

0:17:47.360,0:17:51.280
putting in the parents shoes of kind of

0:17:50.559,0:17:54.240
giving them

0:17:51.280,0:17:55.679
kind of the same thing yeah yeah when i

0:17:54.240,0:17:57.760
was growing up

0:17:55.679,0:17:59.520
i had kind of a very dynamic

0:17:57.760,0:18:00.000
relationship with my parents my father

0:17:59.520,0:18:04.559
was very

0:18:00.000,0:18:06.559
disengaged for various reasons

0:18:04.559,0:18:07.919
he had substance abuse issues he was an

0:18:06.559,0:18:10.720
alcoholic

0:18:07.919,0:18:12.559
he worked night shift i rarely saw him

0:18:10.720,0:18:14.000
when i did see him he usually was

0:18:12.559,0:18:17.039
drinking and didn’t want to be

0:18:14.000,0:18:17.919
bothered but he was always very critical

0:18:17.039,0:18:20.240
of us

0:18:17.919,0:18:21.679
i had three brothers as well as myself

0:18:20.240,0:18:23.280
and he was always critical of all of us

0:18:21.679,0:18:26.640
he always

0:18:23.280,0:18:28.480
never really had something nice to say

0:18:26.640,0:18:31.039
you know it was one of those things

0:18:28.480,0:18:32.960
where it wasn’t even constructive

0:18:31.039,0:18:33.919
criticism it was always the way he would

0:18:32.960,0:18:36.799
criticize you

0:18:33.919,0:18:38.240
it was he was disappointed in you

0:18:36.799,0:18:40.000
because you didn’t live up to his

0:18:38.240,0:18:43.440
standards

0:18:40.000,0:18:45.840
and it bothered my two older brothers a

0:18:43.440,0:18:47.520
lot because they looked up to my dad

0:18:45.840,0:18:49.039
they had a very different relationship

0:18:47.520,0:18:50.559
with him because they were about 10

0:18:49.039,0:18:52.320
years older than me

0:18:50.559,0:18:53.760
and a very different relationship with

0:18:52.320,0:18:56.400
him when they were kids because he was

0:18:53.760,0:18:59.679
more engaged as a father

0:18:56.400,0:19:01.280
and as my third brother who was about

0:18:59.679,0:19:02.880
four years older than me came along and

0:19:01.280,0:19:04.720
i came along

0:19:02.880,0:19:06.320
he was done being a dad at that point in

0:19:04.720,0:19:08.400
time he kind of

0:19:06.320,0:19:09.840
he was ready to hang up the towel and

0:19:08.400,0:19:11.440
and be done with it he didn’t really

0:19:09.840,0:19:14.240
want to have

0:19:11.440,0:19:15.039
uh four kids moving forward at that

0:19:14.240,0:19:18.640
point so

0:19:15.039,0:19:22.080
he was very disengaged with us so

0:19:18.640,0:19:24.240
the negative side of things

0:19:22.080,0:19:26.320
is what we got from him and the

0:19:24.240,0:19:29.919
advantage i guess that we had was

0:19:26.320,0:19:32.799
we didn’t engage with him very often so

0:19:29.919,0:19:34.880
i never got an overwhelming amount of

0:19:32.799,0:19:36.480
negativity from him

0:19:34.880,0:19:38.360
but then there was my mom on the other

0:19:36.480,0:19:41.440
side who was

0:19:38.360,0:19:43.840
overwhelmingly positive and it was

0:19:41.440,0:19:45.760
she was like that because she was

0:19:43.840,0:19:48.080
naturally like that

0:19:45.760,0:19:51.760
but she was kind of over the top because

0:19:48.080,0:19:55.200
i think she saw how our dad treated us

0:19:51.760,0:19:58.000
and she tried to make up for that so

0:19:55.200,0:19:59.280
in the end it was kind of a balance back

0:19:58.000,0:20:03.200
and forth

0:19:59.280,0:20:05.120
but in in reading over the research here

0:20:03.200,0:20:07.440
it was really an example of both of

0:20:05.120,0:20:08.960
those where you get the negative you get

0:20:07.440,0:20:10.559
the positive

0:20:08.960,0:20:12.159
and the one lesson that i learned from

0:20:10.559,0:20:13.679
that and i think

0:20:12.159,0:20:16.880
you and i have talked about this on the

0:20:13.679,0:20:20.000
podcast before it’s

0:20:16.880,0:20:23.120
criticizing is not a bad thing if

0:20:20.000,0:20:26.400
it’s done from a constructive standpoint

0:20:23.120,0:20:28.159
so when there’s room to improve i firmly

0:20:26.400,0:20:30.559
believe that parents should be there to

0:20:28.159,0:20:32.320
guide their kids to improve

0:20:30.559,0:20:35.200
i don’t think the parents should be

0:20:32.320,0:20:37.600
there to change the child

0:20:35.200,0:20:39.600
i can lay out a path i can show you

0:20:37.600,0:20:40.880
where you can improve but it’s up to you

0:20:39.600,0:20:42.720
to improve

0:20:40.880,0:20:44.559
whether you choose to go that path or

0:20:42.720,0:20:46.799
not it’s entirely up to you

0:20:44.559,0:20:49.440
but the important thing is regardless of

0:20:46.799,0:20:53.200
what path you choose

0:20:49.440,0:20:55.200
we still accept you how does that

0:20:53.200,0:20:57.360
mentality work with you how do you think

0:20:55.200,0:21:00.400
that that

0:20:57.360,0:21:03.280
that you respond to that overall

0:21:00.400,0:21:05.039
i definitely do believe that criticism

0:21:03.280,0:21:09.039
is good as long as

0:21:05.039,0:21:12.159
it is constructive and and

0:21:09.039,0:21:15.440
basically brought about well um

0:21:12.159,0:21:16.000
too much criticis now as long as you

0:21:15.440,0:21:20.240
leave it

0:21:16.000,0:21:22.559
open and don’t like force your opinion

0:21:20.240,0:21:24.000
um i definitely think it’s good i

0:21:22.559,0:21:25.840
definitely don’t think that you should

0:21:24.000,0:21:28.880
constantly praise your kids

0:21:25.840,0:21:30.640
especially if it’s at the expense of

0:21:28.880,0:21:32.559
helping them to learn something or

0:21:30.640,0:21:35.440
improve on something

0:21:32.559,0:21:36.880
because if you keep saying that um

0:21:35.440,0:21:38.240
something they do is good they’re never

0:21:36.880,0:21:39.679
gonna get better at it

0:21:38.240,0:21:42.000
how do you think mommy and daddy deal

0:21:39.679,0:21:44.960
with that you’re pretty good with that

0:21:42.000,0:21:45.600
um every time i bring you a piece of art

0:21:44.960,0:21:48.159
um

0:21:45.600,0:21:48.720
well you definitely compliment me um you

0:21:48.159,0:21:50.799
definitely

0:21:48.720,0:21:53.200
say things i could probably improve on

0:21:50.799,0:21:56.159
that more than likely i probably

0:21:53.200,0:21:56.880
implement and later on improve on yeah

0:21:56.159,0:22:00.080
and

0:21:56.880,0:22:02.320
a good example of that is probably

0:22:00.080,0:22:03.840
your movie right so you went back and

0:22:02.320,0:22:05.360
made some changes of the movie you came

0:22:03.840,0:22:06.640
back to me and we talked about it we

0:22:05.360,0:22:08.480
started talking about some of your

0:22:06.640,0:22:10.960
character development

0:22:08.480,0:22:13.200
and i gave you my thoughts and you heard

0:22:10.960,0:22:15.039
me out we worked through some of them

0:22:13.200,0:22:16.240
but some of them you didn’t agree with

0:22:15.039,0:22:17.919
and you decided to go in a different

0:22:16.240,0:22:20.000
creative direction

0:22:17.919,0:22:21.679
and that’s perfectly fine that’s your

0:22:20.000,0:22:22.320
story you run with it the way that you

0:22:21.679,0:22:24.480
want

0:22:22.320,0:22:25.440
i can give you my guidance and what i

0:22:24.480,0:22:27.360
think

0:22:25.440,0:22:28.559
but ultimately you’re the author it’s

0:22:27.360,0:22:31.919
your story

0:22:28.559,0:22:35.760
and i’m sure i’ll love it no matter what

0:22:31.919,0:22:38.080
and i’m excited to see how it turns out

0:22:35.760,0:22:40.000
so that’s a great example of of that

0:22:38.080,0:22:42.000
cooperative attitude that we have with

0:22:40.000,0:22:45.039
each other

0:22:42.000,0:22:47.360
so teenage behavior and development

0:22:45.039,0:22:49.039
there are reasons why 13 year olds

0:22:47.360,0:22:51.280
aren’t considered adults

0:22:49.039,0:22:53.760
or expected to fulfill all the

0:22:51.280,0:22:55.760
responsibilities of adults

0:22:53.760,0:22:58.960
they aren’t emotionally physically or

0:22:55.760,0:23:00.880
mentally ready to be adults

0:22:58.960,0:23:02.559
when considering what drives you nuts

0:23:00.880,0:23:04.400
about your teenager it’s important to

0:23:02.559,0:23:08.080
consider

0:23:04.400,0:23:10.880
that their character it’s not it’s the

0:23:08.080,0:23:11.679
let’s try that one again when

0:23:10.880,0:23:13.840
considering

0:23:11.679,0:23:15.280
what drives you nuts about your teenager

0:23:13.840,0:23:17.600
it’s important to consider

0:23:15.280,0:23:18.880
is it their character that’s bugging you

0:23:17.600,0:23:21.200
or is it a function

0:23:18.880,0:23:22.080
of their development that’s annoying you

0:23:21.200,0:23:25.200
don’t confuse

0:23:22.080,0:23:27.120
character with development when your

0:23:25.200,0:23:28.080
younger teenager constantly forgets

0:23:27.120,0:23:30.559
things

0:23:28.080,0:23:31.760
or seems permanently disorganized it

0:23:30.559,0:23:34.880
isn’t because

0:23:31.760,0:23:36.559
she’s incompetent and going to grow up

0:23:34.880,0:23:39.760
to be useless

0:23:36.559,0:23:41.360
young teenagers are vague and forgetful

0:23:39.760,0:23:43.679
because their developing brains are

0:23:41.360,0:23:46.880
under construction and a side effect

0:23:43.679,0:23:50.080
is a forgetfulness and disorganization

0:23:46.880,0:23:52.240
she’ll grow out of it but not tomorrow

0:23:50.080,0:23:53.200
when your normal when you normally

0:23:52.240,0:23:56.000
sensible

0:23:53.200,0:23:58.080
16 year old son starts doing some stupid

0:23:56.000,0:23:59.760
and dangerous things with his friends

0:23:58.080,0:24:01.120
it doesn’t mean he’s turning into a

0:23:59.760,0:24:04.400
delinquent or is

0:24:01.120,0:24:05.440
destined to be reckless adolescent males

0:24:04.400,0:24:09.039
in their mid teens

0:24:05.440,0:24:11.600
are wired to take risks and very s

0:24:09.039,0:24:13.520
susceptible to the influence of their

0:24:11.600,0:24:14.400
friends especially in the heat of the

0:24:13.520,0:24:16.880
moment

0:24:14.400,0:24:18.240
he will grow out of it when teens do

0:24:16.880,0:24:20.720
annoying frustrating

0:24:18.240,0:24:21.520
things it is good to stop and ask

0:24:20.720,0:24:24.240
yourself

0:24:21.520,0:24:27.120
is it just my teen or do most teens this

0:24:24.240,0:24:29.360
age do similar things

0:24:27.120,0:24:30.880
if it’s development then a constructive

0:24:29.360,0:24:35.360
purse then a restrict

0:24:30.880,0:24:35.360
ugh you and me both kids

0:24:36.720,0:24:40.320
if it is developmental then the

0:24:38.799,0:24:42.480
constructive response

0:24:40.320,0:24:43.520
is to work with them to develop some

0:24:42.480,0:24:44.960
strategies

0:24:43.520,0:24:46.559
for helping them to get through the

0:24:44.960,0:24:49.200
phase

0:24:46.559,0:24:51.440
help your early teen daughter work out

0:24:49.200,0:24:52.960
systems to be better organized

0:24:51.440,0:24:54.960
talk to your son about avoiding

0:24:52.960,0:24:56.720
situations where he is likely to make

0:24:54.960,0:24:59.760
dumb choices

0:24:56.720,0:25:02.080
accepting where they are

0:24:59.760,0:25:03.919
accepting where they are up to in their

0:25:02.080,0:25:06.799
development can help

0:25:03.919,0:25:07.279
take the anxiety and emotional intensity

0:25:06.799,0:25:10.320
out of

0:25:07.279,0:25:11.679
it for you it also leads you towards

0:25:10.320,0:25:13.760
constructive responses

0:25:11.679,0:25:14.880
rather than yelling and negative

0:25:13.760,0:25:17.279
labeling

0:25:14.880,0:25:18.559
so this is a very interesting point here

0:25:17.279,0:25:22.559
about

0:25:18.559,0:25:24.960
accepting your teens as they progress

0:25:22.559,0:25:26.240
so as the teens grow their brains grow

0:25:24.960,0:25:28.320
their brains change

0:25:26.240,0:25:29.679
their needs change their attitudes

0:25:28.320,0:25:31.760
change

0:25:29.679,0:25:32.720
and you have to accept them all the way

0:25:31.760,0:25:35.760
along

0:25:32.720,0:25:36.640
when it’s developmental it’s very

0:25:35.760,0:25:40.640
difficult

0:25:36.640,0:25:40.640
to see um

0:25:41.600,0:25:45.760
systemic issues in someone when they’re

0:25:44.320,0:25:48.559
at that young of an age

0:25:45.760,0:25:49.679
you can’t see really personality

0:25:48.559,0:25:52.559
disorders unless you’re

0:25:49.679,0:25:55.840
really professionally trained to because

0:25:52.559,0:25:57.840
the personalities change so much

0:25:55.840,0:25:59.200
just like their bodies are changing at a

0:25:57.840,0:26:00.799
rapid rate their brains

0:25:59.200,0:26:02.400
and their personality are changing at

0:26:00.799,0:26:05.440
the rapid rate

0:26:02.400,0:26:10.080
and as parents that can be a very

0:26:05.440,0:26:13.120
frustrating thing for us because

0:26:10.080,0:26:14.799
might do or ask something today and get

0:26:13.120,0:26:16.559
one response

0:26:14.799,0:26:18.000
and then ask the same thing a month

0:26:16.559,0:26:19.520
later and get a completely different

0:26:18.000,0:26:22.559
response

0:26:19.520,0:26:25.679
so as adults it’s difficult for

0:26:22.559,0:26:27.039
us to adjust to that inconsistency

0:26:25.679,0:26:28.880
despite the fact that we all went

0:26:27.039,0:26:31.919
through when we were that age too

0:26:28.880,0:26:32.960
yeah so because we usually deal with

0:26:31.919,0:26:35.039
other adults

0:26:32.960,0:26:37.679
most of the day at work there’s a

0:26:35.039,0:26:38.000
certain expectation that we get into

0:26:37.679,0:26:41.120
that we’re

0:26:38.000,0:26:42.240
guilty of that we try to impose on our

0:26:41.120,0:26:44.159
teams

0:26:42.240,0:26:46.480
and when that expectation isn’t met

0:26:44.159,0:26:48.799
because your teens

0:26:46.480,0:26:51.600
that that frustration creeps in and that

0:26:48.799,0:26:53.919
acceptance starts to wane a bit there

0:26:51.600,0:26:56.320
so parents kind of need to be mindful of

0:26:53.919,0:26:57.279
that moving forward to make sure that

0:26:56.320,0:26:59.600
you know you’re not

0:26:57.279,0:27:01.520
putting those unrealistic expectations

0:26:59.600,0:27:03.039
on your teens

0:27:01.520,0:27:05.520
how do you feel do you think that you’ve

0:27:03.039,0:27:07.440
run into any of these things where

0:27:05.520,0:27:08.880
you are handling things differently

0:27:07.440,0:27:10.720
today than you were

0:27:08.880,0:27:12.720
say two or three years ago when you

0:27:10.720,0:27:14.720
first got into your teen years because

0:27:12.720,0:27:18.240
of that development

0:27:14.720,0:27:21.679
yeah definitely um

0:27:18.240,0:27:25.279
definitely when i had first gone through

0:27:21.679,0:27:27.440
uh everything i was a lot

0:27:25.279,0:27:29.679
i was a very different person i was the

0:27:27.440,0:27:31.520
kind of person who thought every single

0:27:29.679,0:27:33.760
day was a bad day

0:27:31.520,0:27:35.520
and like i could hardly find any silver

0:27:33.760,0:27:38.640
linings in them

0:27:35.520,0:27:39.279
and now i’m chill with pretty much every

0:27:38.640,0:27:41.360
day

0:27:39.279,0:27:43.279
there’s bad stuff that happens but i

0:27:41.360,0:27:44.000
don’t over exaggerate it to the point

0:27:43.279,0:27:47.600
where

0:27:44.000,0:27:51.039
um i don’t like it i’ve

0:27:47.600,0:27:55.200
definitely mentally grown a lot more

0:27:51.039,0:27:58.080
um i don’t have as bad of mood swings

0:27:55.200,0:28:00.159
at least not horrible ones i typically

0:27:58.080,0:28:02.640
don’t get angry

0:28:00.159,0:28:05.039
i typically don’t get like enraged mood

0:28:02.640,0:28:06.559
swings anymore like i really used to

0:28:05.039,0:28:09.679
back then

0:28:06.559,0:28:12.799
um so overall i definitely think that

0:28:09.679,0:28:14.840
i’ve gotten a lot more calm um

0:28:12.799,0:28:16.000
and i’ve gotten better with my

0:28:14.840,0:28:17.760
development

0:28:16.000,0:28:19.120
well and you remember there was a point

0:28:17.760,0:28:22.080
in time you would get done

0:28:19.120,0:28:23.279
school and at dinner we would always

0:28:22.080,0:28:24.480
have a discussion

0:28:23.279,0:28:26.799
you know that was one of the things

0:28:24.480,0:28:28.880
we’ve always been very fortunate about

0:28:26.799,0:28:30.720
that we’ve always had that family dinner

0:28:28.880,0:28:33.760
where we have a chance to unwind

0:28:30.720,0:28:36.960
talk about each other’s day kind of help

0:28:33.760,0:28:39.840
each other get by any problems we had

0:28:36.960,0:28:41.440
and there was a time there for of quite

0:28:39.840,0:28:44.720
a period of time

0:28:41.440,0:28:47.039
where you had a very negative experience

0:28:44.720,0:28:48.080
almost every day to talk about at school

0:28:47.039,0:28:49.840
yeah and

0:28:48.080,0:28:51.600
the one exercise that we would go

0:28:49.840,0:28:54.080
through was okay tell me something

0:28:51.600,0:28:57.039
positive that happened today

0:28:54.080,0:28:57.360
and you would struggle sometimes with it

0:28:57.039,0:28:58.799
but

0:28:57.360,0:29:00.159
i think for the most part you were

0:28:58.799,0:29:02.640
always able to come up with something

0:29:00.159,0:29:05.840
that was positive for the day

0:29:02.640,0:29:08.799
and kind of turn that negativity

0:29:05.840,0:29:09.440
at least if not positive then at least

0:29:08.799,0:29:12.080
neutral

0:29:09.440,0:29:13.679
for the whole day and we don’t have to

0:29:12.080,0:29:15.200
do that anymore

0:29:13.679,0:29:16.720
you know you’ve actually gotten to the

0:29:15.200,0:29:19.520
point where

0:29:16.720,0:29:21.760
i come home and i’m exhausted or had a

0:29:19.520,0:29:23.840
bad day or a stressful day

0:29:21.760,0:29:24.799
and you’re playing that calming role for

0:29:23.840,0:29:26.399
me now

0:29:24.799,0:29:28.159
yeah which is which is kind of

0:29:26.399,0:29:29.279
interesting you know the role reversal

0:29:28.159,0:29:32.960
that we ran into

0:29:29.279,0:29:36.640
yeah um so i think that’s kind of a neat

0:29:32.960,0:29:40.159
example of that progression of

0:29:36.640,0:29:42.960
personality and development and i

0:29:40.159,0:29:44.240
mommy and daddy accept you as much today

0:29:42.960,0:29:45.840
as we did

0:29:44.240,0:29:47.919
three years ago when we were trying to

0:29:45.840,0:29:50.159
find positive things for the day

0:29:47.919,0:29:51.520
yeah and that’s really the message for

0:29:50.159,0:29:52.320
parents is that your teens are going to

0:29:51.520,0:29:55.360
change

0:29:52.320,0:29:57.840
you know they may be annoying today

0:29:55.360,0:29:59.440
because they’re teens but you still have

0:29:57.840,0:30:01.120
to accept them

0:29:59.440,0:30:02.960
because accepting them today and

0:30:01.120,0:30:05.919
encouraging to today

0:30:02.960,0:30:07.679
is what makes them the teens of tomorrow

0:30:05.919,0:30:09.360
and i think you’re living proof that

0:30:07.679,0:30:10.320
that philosophy has worked quite

0:30:09.360,0:30:14.159
successfully

0:30:10.320,0:30:15.600
yeah so speaking of that we’re going to

0:30:14.159,0:30:16.000
take our last break we’re going to come

0:30:15.600,0:30:18.159
back

0:30:16.000,0:30:19.520
and then we’re going to talk about tips

0:30:18.159,0:30:22.130
for improving

0:30:19.520,0:30:30.320
team acceptance we’ll be right back

0:30:22.130,0:30:32.720
[Music]

0:30:30.320,0:30:34.399
insights into entertainment a podcast

0:30:32.720,0:30:36.790
series taking a deeper look

0:30:34.399,0:30:38.240
into entertainment and media

0:30:36.790,0:30:40.480
[Music]

0:30:38.240,0:30:41.279
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0:31:23.120,0:31:35.039
into things.com

0:31:32.000,0:31:38.080
welcome back everyone so we’re talking

0:31:35.039,0:31:40.240
teens and acceptance and now we’re going

0:31:38.080,0:31:41.760
to talk about tips for improving teen

0:31:40.240,0:31:44.080
acceptance

0:31:41.760,0:31:46.480
so the first thing we have here is don’t

0:31:44.080,0:31:48.320
take it all personally

0:31:46.480,0:31:50.799
we live in a culture that creates an

0:31:48.320,0:31:55.519
amazing pressure on parents to

0:31:50.799,0:31:58.159
get it right you don’t have to look hard

0:31:55.519,0:31:59.039
any day to find an article or news

0:31:58.159,0:32:01.360
report

0:31:59.039,0:32:03.840
that is shaming or accusing parents of

0:32:01.360,0:32:06.320
failing in some way

0:32:03.840,0:32:07.039
this culture of parent blaming can cause

0:32:06.320,0:32:10.240
us all

0:32:07.039,0:32:13.760
to feel like our kids failing our

0:32:10.240,0:32:14.000
ki our kids failings are a reflection on

0:32:13.760,0:32:17.279
our

0:32:14.000,0:32:20.159
parenting when our teenagers mess

0:32:17.279,0:32:22.559
up we think it somehow exposes our

0:32:20.159,0:32:25.120
parenting failures

0:32:22.559,0:32:26.320
when we take our teenager’s behavior as

0:32:25.120,0:32:29.360
reflection

0:32:26.320,0:32:29.840
of our parenting performance we direct a

0:32:29.360,0:32:32.000
whole

0:32:29.840,0:32:33.600
heap of negative emotions in their

0:32:32.000,0:32:35.840
direction

0:32:33.600,0:32:37.600
your teen’s behavior is not always a

0:32:35.840,0:32:41.840
reflection of who you are

0:32:37.600,0:32:42.799
or your parenting teens are going to do

0:32:41.840,0:32:45.120
dumb things

0:32:42.799,0:32:47.279
have emotional outbursts lose their

0:32:45.120,0:32:50.640
temper say outrageous things

0:32:47.279,0:32:53.200
push limits and make mistakes none of

0:32:50.640,0:32:55.679
these mean you are failing as a parent

0:32:53.200,0:32:57.279
no matter how diligent a parent you are

0:32:55.679,0:32:58.000
your teen is still going to be a

0:32:57.279,0:33:01.120
teenager

0:32:58.000,0:33:02.399
at some point there is no such thing as

0:33:01.120,0:33:05.519
a perfect parent

0:33:02.399,0:33:07.120
so don’t expect you will be one

0:33:05.519,0:33:09.919
there is no such thing as a perfect

0:33:07.120,0:33:11.120
teenager so don’t expect your teenagers

0:33:09.919,0:33:13.519
imperfections

0:33:11.120,0:33:15.440
are all so don’t think your teenager’s

0:33:13.519,0:33:18.640
perspec imperfections

0:33:15.440,0:33:22.000
are all about you and your parenting

0:33:18.640,0:33:23.360
face up to your emotions acceptance of

0:33:22.000,0:33:25.840
your teen

0:33:23.360,0:33:28.159
doesn’t mean that the emotional toll or

0:33:25.840,0:33:30.640
behavior will disappear

0:33:28.159,0:33:33.360
living with a moody disrespectful or

0:33:30.640,0:33:35.200
uncooperative teenager is difficult

0:33:33.360,0:33:37.200
your teen is probably going to cause you

0:33:35.200,0:33:40.480
a whole world of pain

0:33:37.200,0:33:43.120
you haven’t yet though so admit it and

0:33:40.480,0:33:44.480
deal with the feelings constructively

0:33:43.120,0:33:47.519
constructively doesn’t mean

0:33:44.480,0:33:49.679
venting your emotions at your teenager

0:33:47.519,0:33:50.960
your feelings of anger frustration and

0:33:49.679,0:33:54.159
disappointment are real

0:33:50.960,0:33:54.880
and justified however while the feelings

0:33:54.159,0:33:57.600
aren’t wrong

0:33:54.880,0:33:59.600
how you express them can make things a

0:33:57.600,0:34:01.679
lot worse

0:33:59.600,0:34:03.519
if your teen does not acknowledge the

0:34:01.679,0:34:07.120
negative impact of what they have

0:34:03.519,0:34:08.000
done you you’re getting angry and

0:34:07.120,0:34:10.800
resenting them

0:34:08.000,0:34:12.639
won’t change that in fact in many cases

0:34:10.800,0:34:15.280
it’ll result in your teenager thinking

0:34:12.639,0:34:17.440
you’re the one with the problem if your

0:34:15.280,0:34:19.599
teen knows he’s done something to upset

0:34:17.440,0:34:22.159
or hurt you your anger will only

0:34:19.599,0:34:25.760
distract him from his own culpability

0:34:22.159,0:34:28.800
and remorseful feelings considering

0:34:25.760,0:34:31.839
other outlets for your feelings

0:34:28.800,0:34:34.320
towards your team have a rant

0:34:31.839,0:34:36.399
to your partner about how our teenager

0:34:34.320,0:34:39.040
is driving you nuts

0:34:36.399,0:34:40.320
go for a run write a journal or scream

0:34:39.040,0:34:42.159
into a pillow

0:34:40.320,0:34:44.079
whatever it is find some way to

0:34:42.159,0:34:45.760
dissipate the energy away from your

0:34:44.079,0:34:47.679
teenager

0:34:45.760,0:34:49.040
acknowledging how you feel and

0:34:47.679,0:34:52.159
expressing the emotion

0:34:49.040,0:34:54.079
is a safe in a safe place will enable

0:34:52.159,0:34:56.320
you to respond to your teen in a more

0:34:54.079,0:34:58.480
constructive fashion

0:34:56.320,0:35:00.480
when you aren’t seething with rage or

0:34:58.480,0:35:02.800
feeling completely fed up

0:35:00.480,0:35:06.560
you’re much more likely to engage in a

0:35:02.800,0:35:09.280
positive conversation with your teenager

0:35:06.560,0:35:11.359
look for the positives a good way to

0:35:09.280,0:35:12.480
interrupt the cycle of negativity and

0:35:11.359,0:35:15.440
criticism

0:35:12.480,0:35:18.560
is to consciously look for the things

0:35:15.440,0:35:20.960
you appreciate about your teenager

0:35:18.560,0:35:21.920
make an effort every day to identify

0:35:20.960,0:35:25.760
something about

0:35:21.920,0:35:28.960
who you your teenager is or what they do

0:35:25.760,0:35:31.200
that is positive what is it about them

0:35:28.960,0:35:34.160
that you appreciate

0:35:31.200,0:35:36.800
what did they do today that was helpful

0:35:34.160,0:35:38.960
or step in the right direction

0:35:36.800,0:35:41.280
once you identify it make a point to

0:35:38.960,0:35:43.119
communicate with your teenager

0:35:41.280,0:35:45.440
you don’t have to make a big song or

0:35:43.119,0:35:47.599
dance about it just a simple compliment

0:35:45.440,0:35:48.240
that starts with i really admire the way

0:35:47.599,0:35:51.760
you

0:35:48.240,0:35:54.960
or i appreciated it today when you

0:35:51.760,0:35:56.800
it might be worth finding a place to

0:35:54.960,0:35:59.040
know these things down

0:35:56.800,0:36:00.400
so in those times when you are feeling

0:35:59.040,0:36:03.680
are you or being

0:36:00.400,0:36:05.280
you are being driven crazy

0:36:03.680,0:36:06.960
you can pull out your list and be

0:36:05.280,0:36:08.960
reminded of the positives about your

0:36:06.960,0:36:11.680
teenager

0:36:08.960,0:36:13.359
don’t sweat the small stuff and this is

0:36:11.680,0:36:14.560
kind of my philosophy for life in

0:36:13.359,0:36:16.800
general

0:36:14.560,0:36:17.920
a quant a consequence of not accepting

0:36:16.800,0:36:20.000
your teen can be

0:36:17.920,0:36:21.760
that you become hyper critical of

0:36:20.000,0:36:24.480
everything about them

0:36:21.760,0:36:26.320
one way to make acceptance more doable

0:36:24.480,0:36:28.320
is to make a list of things that drive

0:36:26.320,0:36:30.240
you nuts about your teenager

0:36:28.320,0:36:32.320
then cross out the stuff that really

0:36:30.240,0:36:35.040
doesn’t matter in the long run

0:36:32.320,0:36:37.839
for instance a teenager’s bedroom is a

0:36:35.040,0:36:40.560
common sore point for many parents

0:36:37.839,0:36:42.560
but in the big scheme of things a messy

0:36:40.560,0:36:45.040
bedroom is an issue that needs to be

0:36:42.560,0:36:45.040
dealt with

0:36:45.920,0:36:49.440
is a messy see it helps you could take

0:36:48.400,0:36:50.800
you mention the

0:36:49.440,0:36:53.920
whole sentence there and take it in

0:36:50.800,0:36:56.000
context but in the big scheme of things

0:36:53.920,0:36:57.839
is a messy bedroom an issue that needs

0:36:56.000,0:37:00.480
to be dealt with right away in order for

0:36:57.839,0:37:02.960
your teen to live a successful life

0:37:00.480,0:37:04.720
sure a messy bedroom might annoy you and

0:37:02.960,0:37:06.480
not be how you want to live

0:37:04.720,0:37:08.240
but if your teen’s okay with it just let

0:37:06.480,0:37:10.480
it go shut the door

0:37:08.240,0:37:13.040
and don’t think about it it isn’t

0:37:10.480,0:37:15.520
impacting you or your life

0:37:13.040,0:37:17.119
that’s one less issue for you to have to

0:37:15.520,0:37:20.400
process and manage

0:37:17.119,0:37:22.640
likewise the music a teenager listens to

0:37:20.400,0:37:24.320
so what if you don’t like it as long as

0:37:22.640,0:37:26.000
you don’t have to hear it and it isn’t

0:37:24.320,0:37:27.520
keeping people awake

0:37:26.000,0:37:29.280
is there any good reason for you to get

0:37:27.520,0:37:31.520
excited about it

0:37:29.280,0:37:33.520
expressing disapproval over music or

0:37:31.520,0:37:34.480
computer games just creates negative

0:37:33.520,0:37:38.079
noise

0:37:34.480,0:37:40.720
for very little gain and the

0:37:38.079,0:37:41.680
final tip we have here is acknowledge

0:37:40.720,0:37:44.800
the state of

0:37:41.680,0:37:46.480
play for the things on your list that

0:37:44.800,0:37:48.720
you can’t cross off

0:37:46.480,0:37:50.240
make a habit every day of reading

0:37:48.720,0:37:53.040
through them and acknowledging

0:37:50.240,0:37:55.119
how things are and who your teen is

0:37:53.040,0:37:57.680
today

0:37:55.119,0:37:58.720
take the list and before reading it say

0:37:57.680,0:38:02.160
to yourself

0:37:58.720,0:38:03.599
i accept your teen’s name i accept with

0:38:02.160,0:38:06.720
your teen’s name

0:38:03.599,0:38:07.839
i accept them knowing that then read off

0:38:06.720,0:38:11.680
the list of issues

0:38:07.839,0:38:13.520
etc that

0:38:11.680,0:38:15.920
that he that they don’t clean up after

0:38:13.520,0:38:18.320
themselves is hard to talk to

0:38:15.920,0:38:22.160
is treating their siblings badly is

0:38:18.320,0:38:22.160
constantly disrespecting me etc

0:38:22.240,0:38:25.440
this isn’t condoning or saying the

0:38:23.920,0:38:28.079
behavior is okay

0:38:25.440,0:38:30.480
or shouldn’t change it is merely

0:38:28.079,0:38:31.359
reinforcing that you need to start with

0:38:30.480,0:38:34.720
who your teen

0:38:31.359,0:38:37.680
is today and be conscious

0:38:34.720,0:38:40.560
of changing to accept them as of

0:38:37.680,0:38:42.400
choosing to accept them as they are

0:38:40.560,0:38:43.599
when you can shift your mindset to

0:38:42.400,0:38:46.079
accepting your teen

0:38:43.599,0:38:48.079
first and then seeing what happens you

0:38:46.079,0:38:50.000
will be surprised at how much easier

0:38:48.079,0:38:53.040
change is

0:38:50.000,0:38:54.000
so kind of as a footnote here i i kind

0:38:53.040,0:38:55.839
of want to

0:38:54.000,0:38:57.119
you know give my two cents on this whole

0:38:55.839,0:38:59.760
topic

0:38:57.119,0:39:00.240
this particular topic was very difficult

0:38:59.760,0:39:03.359
for me

0:39:00.240,0:39:05.839
because i don’t

0:39:03.359,0:39:08.079
think we’ve ever experienced any of the

0:39:05.839,0:39:12.800
problems that they bring up here

0:39:08.079,0:39:15.119
so for me to relate a lot of these

0:39:12.800,0:39:16.480
tips and tricks was kind of difficult

0:39:15.119,0:39:19.359
because

0:39:16.480,0:39:21.200
i’ve never had to use them either with

0:39:19.359,0:39:24.240
you or with sam

0:39:21.200,0:39:26.480
um i’ve i’ve never had a situation where

0:39:24.240,0:39:29.839
i haven’t had that connection with

0:39:26.480,0:39:31.839
any of my kids so i’ve been very

0:39:29.839,0:39:33.760
fortunate in that

0:39:31.839,0:39:35.599
it’s been very easy to accept both of

0:39:33.760,0:39:37.520
you for who you are

0:39:35.599,0:39:40.160
and i think that’s more a testament to

0:39:37.520,0:39:42.800
you and to sam than it is to me as a

0:39:40.160,0:39:45.680
parent being accepting

0:39:42.800,0:39:47.440
you guys make my job easy a lot of times

0:39:45.680,0:39:48.880
so

0:39:47.440,0:39:51.520
i’m going to take it with a grain of

0:39:48.880,0:39:53.040
salt that the source here knows what

0:39:51.520,0:39:54.400
they’re talking about because i can’t

0:39:53.040,0:39:56.160
say i put any of these things to

0:39:54.400,0:39:58.800
practice because i’ve not needed them

0:39:56.160,0:40:00.400
i mean yeah so it’s important you know

0:39:58.800,0:40:03.440
total disclosure here

0:40:00.400,0:40:05.760
you know that that this one really is

0:40:03.440,0:40:06.960
one that i can’t talk from experience on

0:40:05.760,0:40:08.640
which is one of the things i

0:40:06.960,0:40:10.720
that’s sort of what i try to do that’s

0:40:08.640,0:40:12.800
my contribution to this

0:40:10.720,0:40:15.200
podcast is speaking from experience and

0:40:12.800,0:40:18.160
i can’t in this case

0:40:15.200,0:40:19.440
um mommy and daddy accept you for who

0:40:18.160,0:40:22.000
you are

0:40:19.440,0:40:24.240
um and as a parent in general i really

0:40:22.000,0:40:26.319
think it’s not

0:40:24.240,0:40:27.680
it’s not our job to sweat the little

0:40:26.319,0:40:30.560
things

0:40:27.680,0:40:32.079
it’s our job to set an example you know

0:40:30.560,0:40:35.599
our job on this earth

0:40:32.079,0:40:37.520
is to raise you protect you

0:40:35.599,0:40:40.319
and teach you how to be a decent

0:40:37.520,0:40:43.040
contributing member of society

0:40:40.319,0:40:44.400
and as long as we do that i think we’re

0:40:43.040,0:40:46.000
successful parents and i think

0:40:44.400,0:40:48.160
as long as any parent does that that’s

0:40:46.000,0:40:50.240
all they can ask for yeah

0:40:48.160,0:40:52.160
so mommy and daddy try to do that

0:40:50.240,0:40:54.160
through example

0:40:52.160,0:40:56.720
not through preaching not through

0:40:54.160,0:40:58.079
yelling at you or anything like that

0:40:56.720,0:41:00.480
i don’t think any of that was really

0:40:58.079,0:41:03.359
worthwhile yeah

0:41:00.480,0:41:04.079
ironically i have my dad to thank for

0:41:03.359,0:41:06.960
that

0:41:04.079,0:41:09.680
because my dad did the exact opposite

0:41:06.960,0:41:11.770
you know my dad was a yeller

0:41:09.680,0:41:13.040
and he was someone who

0:41:11.770,0:41:15.040
[Music]

0:41:13.040,0:41:17.440
didn’t set a good example my father

0:41:15.040,0:41:20.079
never wanted me to be like him

0:41:17.440,0:41:21.680
and he was very clear about that you

0:41:20.079,0:41:24.480
know my father

0:41:21.680,0:41:26.400
was not successful professionally was

0:41:24.480,0:41:29.680
not successful

0:41:26.400,0:41:32.640
from a family standpoint he came from

0:41:29.680,0:41:33.760
a married a you know a divorce before he

0:41:32.640,0:41:35.839
met my mother

0:41:33.760,0:41:38.000
so he didn’t want me to make the same

0:41:35.839,0:41:42.400
mistakes that he did

0:41:38.000,0:41:45.599
and in kind of

0:41:42.400,0:41:48.079
inspiring me to not do that he served as

0:41:45.599,0:41:51.839
a bad example for me

0:41:48.079,0:41:55.040
which i guess in a way was was his

0:41:51.839,0:41:58.640
best attempt at being a parent yeah

0:41:55.040,0:42:01.359
um but you know he always told me

0:41:58.640,0:42:03.119
don’t he wanted me to be successful

0:42:01.359,0:42:03.760
professionally because he was a common

0:42:03.119,0:42:07.040
laborer

0:42:03.760,0:42:08.319
and there was a point there’s always a

0:42:07.040,0:42:10.480
point in your life where you can’t do

0:42:08.319,0:42:13.040
that kind of work anymore

0:42:10.480,0:42:15.359
and nowadays that point is well before

0:42:13.040,0:42:19.280
you get to retirement age

0:42:15.359,0:42:20.640
so he encouraged me to make something

0:42:19.280,0:42:22.800
better of myself from a career

0:42:20.640,0:42:25.839
standpoint

0:42:22.800,0:42:27.760
by his negativity

0:42:25.839,0:42:29.359
you know if i came home with a bad grade

0:42:27.760,0:42:30.000
he would tell me well the world always

0:42:29.359,0:42:32.560
needs ditch

0:42:30.000,0:42:33.760
diggers basically saying well if you

0:42:32.560,0:42:35.359
fail school you can just

0:42:33.760,0:42:36.880
dig ditches like i did the rest of your

0:42:35.359,0:42:38.560
life

0:42:36.880,0:42:40.240
and that negativity was kind of a

0:42:38.560,0:42:42.000
driving force

0:42:40.240,0:42:43.599
you know i didn’t want to be like that i

0:42:42.000,0:42:48.160
didn’t want to be like him

0:42:43.599,0:42:50.960
and he didn’t accept me for who i was

0:42:48.160,0:42:52.400
because he didn’t accept himself and it

0:42:50.960,0:42:55.040
wasn’t until a lot later in my life that

0:42:52.400,0:42:56.960
i realized that

0:42:55.040,0:42:59.520
but you know today i can look back and

0:42:56.960,0:43:01.520
say okay it makes sense now

0:42:59.520,0:43:04.240
you know he was the way he was because

0:43:01.520,0:43:06.400
he wanted something better for me

0:43:04.240,0:43:08.079
he didn’t go about it the right way you

0:43:06.400,0:43:09.440
know i like to think i might be doing it

0:43:08.079,0:43:12.800
better

0:43:09.440,0:43:13.760
but you know i think my experience has

0:43:12.800,0:43:17.920
been

0:43:13.760,0:43:22.000
accepting my kids and who they are

0:43:17.920,0:43:25.200
and adapting that acceptance as you grow

0:43:22.000,0:43:26.480
has been far more successful in my

0:43:25.200,0:43:30.240
experience than it ever

0:43:26.480,0:43:31.760
was with my dad so

0:43:30.240,0:43:33.520
we’re going to take a quick break come

0:43:31.760,0:43:36.079
back and we’re going to get your closing

0:43:33.520,0:43:41.839
thoughts and shout outs if you have any

0:43:36.079,0:43:41.839
be right back

0:43:42.160,0:43:48.480
go for your closing thoughts alrighty so

0:43:45.839,0:43:50.640
to all the parents out there i do want

0:43:48.480,0:43:52.240
to say that it is important for you to

0:43:50.640,0:43:55.440
accept your teen

0:43:52.240,0:43:58.480
it will help them later on in life

0:43:55.440,0:44:01.599
and being honest i don’t think

0:43:58.480,0:44:05.359
it is right at all to compare them or

0:44:01.599,0:44:07.680
to constantly belittle them we go

0:44:05.359,0:44:08.400
teens are going through a lot in this

0:44:07.680,0:44:12.800
time

0:44:08.400,0:44:15.359
and while your teen may be annoying now

0:44:12.800,0:44:17.040
they’ll grow out of it later on due to

0:44:15.359,0:44:18.800
their development issues

0:44:17.040,0:44:20.560
and i definitely think a lot of these

0:44:18.800,0:44:24.319
tips will

0:44:20.560,0:44:27.119
work and are definitely i ones that

0:44:24.319,0:44:28.560
most people should take under their wing

0:44:27.119,0:44:32.240
um

0:44:28.560,0:44:36.000
like um you said before we can’t really

0:44:32.240,0:44:38.319
entirely relate to this but

0:44:36.000,0:44:40.640
i’m pretty sure these tips will be able

0:44:38.319,0:44:42.400
to help anyone who isn’t

0:44:40.640,0:44:44.720
anyone who does have trouble with

0:44:42.400,0:44:46.480
acceptance and

0:44:44.720,0:44:48.240
as a final note to all the parents out

0:44:46.480,0:44:51.280
there

0:44:48.240,0:44:54.240
as long as

0:44:51.280,0:44:55.680
as long as you can accept your teen and

0:44:54.240,0:44:58.720
help them improve

0:44:55.680,0:45:00.079
with good constructive criticism

0:44:58.720,0:45:02.000
that’s all you really need to do as a

0:45:00.079,0:45:05.839
parent for the most part

0:45:02.000,0:45:08.319
okay sage words as always

0:45:05.839,0:45:09.119
thank you before we go though i do want

0:45:08.319,0:45:13.839
to once again

0:45:09.119,0:45:16.960
bug i mean uh plug the show um

0:45:13.839,0:45:20.240
you can find the audio versions of this

0:45:16.960,0:45:21.680
podcast listed as insights into teens

0:45:20.240,0:45:23.359
video versions of all the networks

0:45:21.680,0:45:26.319
podcasts can be listed as

0:45:23.359,0:45:28.480
insights into things we’re available in

0:45:26.319,0:45:30.240
apple podcast spotify google stitcher

0:45:28.480,0:45:33.200
and anyplace else you can get a podcast

0:45:30.240,0:45:34.240
these days i would also encourage our

0:45:33.200,0:45:35.920
audience to

0:45:34.240,0:45:37.119
write in give us some feedback tell us

0:45:35.920,0:45:38.079
what we’re doing right tell us what

0:45:37.119,0:45:41.440
we’re doing wrong

0:45:38.079,0:45:43.119
give us some uh show suggestions we’re

0:45:41.440,0:45:45.680
running out of show topics so

0:45:43.119,0:45:46.800
any input would be appreciated you can

0:45:45.680,0:45:49.920
email us at comments

0:45:46.800,0:45:52.480
insights into things.com or on twitter

0:45:49.920,0:45:54.400
at insights underscore things you can

0:45:52.480,0:45:55.040
get high-res versions of all of our

0:45:54.400,0:45:57.200
videos

0:45:55.040,0:45:59.440
on our youtube channel on youtube.com

0:45:57.200,0:46:02.160
slash insights into things

0:45:59.440,0:46:03.520
we stream five days a week on twitch at

0:46:02.160,0:46:05.760
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0:46:03.520,0:46:07.599
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0:46:05.760,0:46:08.400
amazon prime subscriber you do get a

0:46:07.599,0:46:10.160
free monthly

0:46:08.400,0:46:11.599
twitch prime subscription as well we’d

0:46:10.160,0:46:12.960
appreciate you subscribing to our

0:46:11.599,0:46:15.119
channel

0:46:12.960,0:46:18.240
audio versions of this podcast can be

0:46:15.119,0:46:18.240
found on the web at

0:46:18.280,0:46:22.800
podcast.insightsintoteens.com

0:46:20.240,0:46:24.480
we’re on facebook at facebook.com slash

0:46:22.800,0:46:26.839
insights into things podcast

0:46:24.480,0:46:29.200
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0:46:26.839,0:46:30.880
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0:46:29.200,0:46:34.319
where you can get links to all those and

0:46:30.880,0:46:34.319
more on our website at

0:46:34.520,0:46:39.040
http://www.insightsintothings.com

0:46:36.480,0:46:40.480
and you and don’t forget to check out

0:46:39.040,0:46:42.640
our other two podcasts

0:46:40.480,0:46:43.839
insights into entertainment hosted by

0:46:42.640,0:46:45.920
you and mommy

0:46:43.839,0:46:48.480
and it’s attended tomorrow our monthly

0:46:45.920,0:46:52.400
podcast hosted by you and my brother sam

0:46:48.480,0:46:52.400
nicely done another one in the books bye

0:46:54.839,0:46:57.839
everyone

0:46:58.030,0:47:14.739
[Music]

0:47:20.800,0:47:22.880
you

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