Insights Into Teens: Episode 116 “Expressing Individuality”

This week we are talking about the importance of teen individuality and identity development. We’ll talk about what teen identity development is, why it’s important and some of the consequences of underdeveloped teen identities. Then we’ll explore some of the ways that teens display their self identity issues before we finish up with some tips on how parents can help their teens for a positive self-identity.

Show Notes

INTRO THEME]

  • [INTRODUCTIONS] 
    • Insights Into Teens: Episode 116 “Expressing Individuality”
    • My unique and independent co-host Madison Whalen
    • Summary
      • This week we are talking about the importance of teen individuality and identity development. We’ll talk about what teen identity development is, why it’s important and some of the consequences of underdeveloped teen identities. Then we’ll explore some of the ways that teens display their self identity issues before we finish up with some tips on how parents can help their teens for a positive self-identity.
    • [Show Plugs]

[TRANSITION]

   [SEGMENT 1] 

  • What is Teen Identity Development
  • https://aspiroadventure.com/blog/why-is-teen-identity-development-important/ 
  • https://bit.ly/2UbFeDl 
    • Identity refers to one’s sense of as an individual and how they define themselves in terms of values, beliefs, and role in the world. 
    • Self-identity in adolescence forms the basis of our self-esteem later in life. 
    • A teen’s identity is the result of various internal and external factors. 
    • Though a teen has some control over their identity development, teen identities are also formed by environmental forces outside of their control:
      • Peers
      • Family
      • School
      • ethnic identity
      • and other social environments.
    • Developmental psychologists advocate that teen identity development occurs in response to crises in domains such as school, relationships, and values.
    • Teen identity develops as teens try out different roles and attitudes in different settings
    • These settings may include home, school, and social atmospheres which allows teens the opportunity to explore their own values, belief systems, personal ethics, spirituality, sexuality, and gender.

[AD1: SSE]

[SEGMENT 2]

  • Why is Teen Identity Development Important?
    • Identity formation in teens is about developing a strong sense of self, personality, connection to others and individuality. 
    • Therefore, a positive teen self-identity is vital because it shapes a teen’s perception of belonging not just for their teen years but for most of their adult life. 
    • In addition, a positive self-identity is correlated with higher self-esteem. 
    • Positive reinforcements of effort, good choices, and perseverance from parents can help adolescents develop a strong sense of self.
  • Consequences of Under Developed Identity in Teens
    • The importance of identity development for teens is huge.  
      • The development of a confident and stable sense of self is one of the key tasks of being a teenager. 
      • The teenage years are usually the first time an individual begins thinking about how their identity may affect their future and their life. 
      • This results in many teens becoming extremely self-conscious about themselves and the way others see them and can result in a self-discovery and experimental stage.
    • Psychologists argue that if a teen does not establish what their personal beliefs and values are then they will have an identity crisis. 
      • They believe identity development is a key process for teens and that a failure to establish identity leads to role confusion and a weak sense of self later in life.
    • Some teens are able to learn to develop and discover their identity in a healthy and age-appropriate way. 
      • However, for other teens, the time of identity formation results in participation in risky and promiscuous behaviors that could potentially have a negative and lasting effect on their lives.
      • Participation in harmful and inappropriate behavior can be very concerning for parents of troubled teens. 
      • It’s important for parents of troubled teens to remember that all teens can become healthy and happy once again with proper treatment. 

[AD2: ENTERTAINMENT]

[SEGMENT 3] 

  • Common Ways Teens Display Their Self- Identity Issues
    • As a way to navigate the stress and confusion that comes with identity development some teens turn to outside signs and symbols to help them define their identity. 
    • A professor of psychology developed the five most common ways in which teens demonstrate their struggles with identity.
      • Seeking Status Symbols: 
        • Includes clothing and possessions to create a sense of positive affiliation
      • Forbidden “Grown-up” Behaviors: 
        • Some teens believe that appearing mature will bring acceptance, so they begin engaging behaviors such as smoking, drinking, drugs, and sexual activity.
      • Rebellion: 
        • Many teens use rebellion as a way to show that they are different from their parents and to be accepted by their peers.
      • Idols: 
        • Some teens may identify with a famous person and as a result, try to become like that person. 
        • As a result, they lose hold of their own identity.
      • Cliques: 
        • Teens who are forming their identity will often form cliques because they do not want to be associated with anyone with undesirable characteristics.
    • Again, there are a variety of ways that teens experience identity formation, some experiences being more harmful than others. 
  • How Parents Can Help Their Teenager Form a Positive Self-Identity
    • Parents are very important in terms of teen identity development. 
      • Studies show teens with close relationships with their parents have lower rates of experimentation with drugs and risky sexual behaviors . 
      • For your teen, the process of teen identity development can be a stressful time and can lead to one feeling overwhelmed and unsure. 
      • Providing your child with a caring and accepting adult influence, whether you are a parent, relative, or teacher, is critical in securing a healthy identity development. 
      • Simply spending time with your troubled teen is one of the most important roles you can play in their life. 
      • The consistent and caring influence and presence of adults in an adolescent’s life is one of the best ways to ensure a seamless transition to adulthood.
    • Parents can help their troubled teen develop a positive self-identity in the following ways:
      • Model healthy lifestyle habits and skills to manage stress
      • Teach healthy ways to handle life’s disappointments
      • Avoid making comparisons between your teen and others
      • Give your teen compliments or positive reinforcement
      • Encourage and promote healthy sleep habits for your teen
      • Hold boundaries with your child while communicating love for them as a person
    • When parents have exhausted the above methods and still continue to see their teen struggle to form their identity, it may be time to seek professional help. 

[TRANSITION]

[OUTRO AND CREDITS]

Transcription

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[Music]

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insightful podcasts

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[Music]

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by informative hosts

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[Music]

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insights into things a podcast network

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[Music]

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welcome to insights into teens a podcast

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series exploring the issues and

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challenges

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of today’s youth your hosts are joseph

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and madison whalen

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a father and daughter team making their

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way through the challenges of the

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teenage years

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[Applause]

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welcome to insights into teens this is

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episode

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116 expressing individuality

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i’m your host joseph whelan and my

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unique and independent co-host

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madison whalen hi everyone how you doing

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today maddie

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i’m doing all right how about you doing

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our a little hot out there today

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yep you said we were what at 96

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  1. we’re at 94 outside we’re at

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76.6 in the studio right now so

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thank god for air conditioning yep so

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how was your week this week this was

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your first

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full week out of school right i

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believe so yes did you do anything

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interesting or exciting

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i’ve been doing camps tell us about the

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camps real quick

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uh one of the camps is brain games where

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we kind of

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do questions um and

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see images and various things to deal

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with

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strength strengthening our brains and

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this is through

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who uh oh varsity tutors varsity tutors

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and what was the other one you were

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doing

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uh intro to filmmaking where we’re going

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to be

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filming a 2-5 minute long

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uh movie okay like it so far

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yep cool cool but that’s not what we’re

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talking about this week

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although your movie making really is a

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way of expressing your individuality

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this week we are talking about the

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importance of

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teen individuality and identity

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development we’ll talk about what teen

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identity development

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is why it’s important and some of the

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consequences

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of underdeveloped teen identities then

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we’ll explore some of the ways that

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teens display their self-identity issues

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before we finish up

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with tips on how parents can help their

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teens

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for a positive form a positive

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self identity before we do that though

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i would like to invite our audience to

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subscribe to the podcast

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you can find the audio version of this

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write in give us some feedback

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you can hit us on twitter at insights

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ready to get started sure all right

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so what is teen identity so this week’s

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research we did from a site called

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espiroadventure.com

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they say identity refers to one sense

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of one sense of as an individual and how

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they define themselves

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in terms of values beliefs and role in

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the world

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self-identity in adolescence forms the

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basis

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of our self-esteem later in life

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a teen’s identity is the result of

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various internal

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and external factors though a teen has

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some control over their

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identity development attain identities

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are also formed by environmental forces

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outside their control such as their

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peers

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family members the school they go to

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their ethnic identity and other social

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environments developmental

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psychologists advocate that teen

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identity development

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occurs in response to

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crises crises and domains such as school

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relationships and values teen identity

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develops as teens try out different

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roles and attitudes in different

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settings

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these settings may include home school

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and social atmospheres which allows

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teens the the

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opportunity to explore their own values

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belief systems

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personal ethics spirit

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spirituality spirituality sexuality and

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gender

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so that’s kind of a loose definition of

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of the things that influence our

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identity and and what our identity is

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of those what do you think it has the

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most

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influence over your personal identity to

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date

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um

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let’s see um piers

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probably not because as of late i really

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haven’t been interacting with a lot of

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them

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so we can cross that one off the list

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family i definitely think that

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you guys have definitely helped to me to

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shape my identity in a lot of various

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ways

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typically with morals and everything

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um and what i should believe is right

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and wrong and so

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and stuff like that um school

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i mean school also pretty much is

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shaping like some of my

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interests and such like interest in

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certain subjects and it

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probably did and school probably did

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start getting me into these various

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um hobbies that i do and the various

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subjects i like

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ethnic identity um

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you’re jewish do you identify with your

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jewish

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ethnicity uh yeah so that’s an influence

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as well

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um and other social environments

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so for other social environments let’s

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think of uh

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you know the media or social media for

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that matter do you

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find that movies television

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the internet do any of those things have

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an influence over your

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personal identity probably yeah um

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some of the hobbies i have learned about

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have come from social media so

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and some of my values even have come

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from that

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like movies and such one of the most

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important questions i think

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teens have to ask is are you comfortable

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with your identity are you comfortable

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with who you are

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and and the personality that you have

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now

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probably yeah there are definitely some

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things i wish

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could be kind of different but for now

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i’m pretty much

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okay with how my identity is so far

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have you changed a lot over the years

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and if you have

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is there a stage at which you you’ve

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noticed these changes occur

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like was it did it synchronize with when

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you were changing schools or changing

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grades or

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or did puberty make you change like what

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were some of the impactful things that

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you’ve encountered that kind of changed

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your identity

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a lot of what changed my identity was

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probably when i started going through

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puberty which was when a lot of my

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emotions started getting kicked in the

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high gear when i became a young teenager

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i started kind of being this emotional

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wreck

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at times every day would seem like a bad

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day and whatever day

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didn’t have problems was like the

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greatest day ever

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and i went to extremes a lot

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more than um and it didn’t take until

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the podcast and maybe a bit more growing

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up

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to finally learn how to keep my emotions

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intact

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and be more emotionally mature

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okay that makes a lot of sense has

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changing schools because i know changing

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schools

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you know you’ve changed schools about

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three times now right

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has changing schools

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in addition to causing the natural

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anxiety has it changed your

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personality ah let’s

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see um so switching from my

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so going to my elementary school um

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i don’t know if like that had

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entirely switched my personality in

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elementary school

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i did learn um a lot of

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was when i was starting to build up my

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identity

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um in when i switched to middle school i

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was learning

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i was probably learning more about other

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ways that i needed to

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that i was going to work with my

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identity and it kind of surfaced

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there and with mit

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and with going into high school now well

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we’ll see what really happens and how my

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identity changes from that which

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it will probably change a decent amount

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yeah it probably will

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and the last question i have is are you

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comfortable with your identity now one

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of the one of the

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you know biggest things people attribute

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to identity you know individual identity

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is what your aspirations are what you

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want to do

0:10:38.800,0:10:42.079
you know the cliche what do you want to

0:10:40.160,0:10:46.000
do when you grow up

0:10:42.079,0:10:46.720
do you have kind of an idea of what you

0:10:46.000,0:10:48.720
want to do

0:10:46.720,0:10:51.120
what kind of field you want to work in

0:10:48.720,0:10:54.000
what kind of life you want to have

0:10:51.120,0:10:55.519
do you have a path forward at this point

0:10:54.000,0:10:56.720
in time or is that kind of still up in

0:10:55.519,0:10:58.959
the air which

0:10:56.720,0:11:00.800
it’s fine either way i’m just curious

0:10:58.959,0:11:03.839
how well defined that

0:11:00.800,0:11:06.640
aspect of your identity is at this point

0:11:03.839,0:11:08.880
i have kind of a rough sketch of what i

0:11:06.640,0:11:10.560
think i want my future to be like

0:11:08.880,0:11:13.600
i definitely don’t think everything’s

0:11:10.560,0:11:14.560
for certain a lot of things can change

0:11:13.600,0:11:17.360
um

0:11:14.560,0:11:17.839
i have an idea of possibly where i think

0:11:17.360,0:11:20.640
i’ll be

0:11:17.839,0:11:22.160
in my life later on uh but i’m still not

0:11:20.640,0:11:24.480
entirely sure

0:11:22.160,0:11:25.600
and how much of that’s been influenced

0:11:24.480,0:11:27.120
by

0:11:25.600,0:11:29.040
school you know we had some big

0:11:27.120,0:11:31.360
decisions to make going into high school

0:11:29.040,0:11:33.200
what classes to take were we gonna

0:11:31.360,0:11:34.880
do the academies were we gonna do any

0:11:33.200,0:11:39.360
extracurricular stuff

0:11:34.880,0:11:42.240
have any of those school-based decisions

0:11:39.360,0:11:43.360
had an influence over your identity a

0:11:42.240,0:11:46.720
lot of them

0:11:43.360,0:11:48.880
um were probably very career-based like

0:11:46.720,0:11:51.200
deciding on what field i was going to

0:11:48.880,0:11:53.760
work in and stuff like that and even if

0:11:51.200,0:11:55.440
i wanted to do like a second job like

0:11:53.760,0:11:57.040
just something for entertainment like

0:11:55.440,0:12:01.200
being an author per se

0:11:57.040,0:12:03.839
um a lot of the choices i made um

0:12:01.200,0:12:05.680
go i made while i’m going into high

0:12:03.839,0:12:09.200
school are probably going to

0:12:05.680,0:12:10.000
shape in a way kind of guide me in my

0:12:09.200,0:12:13.360
future i

0:12:10.000,0:12:14.560
think okay that makes sense i think we

0:12:13.360,0:12:16.079
kind of have a

0:12:14.560,0:12:17.600
a good idea of what we’re talking about

0:12:16.079,0:12:21.040
when we’re talking about our

0:12:17.600,0:12:22.639
our individuality and our identity now

0:12:21.040,0:12:24.160
let’s take a quick break and when we

0:12:22.639,0:12:27.200
come back we’re going to talk about

0:12:24.160,0:12:28.000
why is teen identity development so

0:12:27.200,0:12:29.270
important

0:12:28.000,0:12:35.850
we’ll be right back

0:12:29.270,0:12:35.850
[Music]

0:12:37.519,0:12:43.360
for over seven years the second sith

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annual guild meet and greets and an

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active community

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both on the web and on discord

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typical gaming group

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we’re family join us on the star forge

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for nightly events such as operations

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0:13:34.470,0:13:41.440
[Music]

0:13:39.120,0:13:42.639
welcome back to insights into teens

0:13:41.440,0:13:44.639
today we’re talking

0:13:42.639,0:13:46.320
about teens expressing their

0:13:44.639,0:13:49.519
individuality

0:13:46.320,0:13:50.800
so why is teen identity development

0:13:49.519,0:13:53.839
important

0:13:50.800,0:13:55.120
identity formation in teens is about

0:13:53.839,0:13:58.480
developing a strong

0:13:55.120,0:14:01.920
sense of self of personality

0:13:58.480,0:14:03.480
connection to others and individuality

0:14:01.920,0:14:06.959
therefore positive teen

0:14:03.480,0:14:09.440
self-identity is vital because it shapes

0:14:06.959,0:14:11.440
a teen’s perception of belonging

0:14:09.440,0:14:13.760
not just for their teen years but for

0:14:11.440,0:14:16.880
most of their adult life

0:14:13.760,0:14:20.399
in addition a positive self-identity

0:14:16.880,0:14:23.600
is correlated with higher self-esteem

0:14:20.399,0:14:24.800
positive reinforcement of effort good

0:14:23.600,0:14:27.680
choices

0:14:24.800,0:14:30.240
and the perseverance from parents can

0:14:27.680,0:14:32.240
help adolescents develop a strong sense

0:14:30.240,0:14:36.160
of self

0:14:32.240,0:14:37.760
so some of the consequ so

0:14:36.160,0:14:39.360
now we should probably discuss some of

0:14:37.760,0:14:42.160
the consequences of

0:14:39.360,0:14:42.959
underdeveloped identity for t in teens

0:14:42.160,0:14:45.040
okay

0:14:42.959,0:14:46.639
the importance of identity development

0:14:45.040,0:14:48.399
for teens is huge

0:14:46.639,0:14:49.680
the development of a confident and

0:14:48.399,0:14:52.000
stable sense of self

0:14:49.680,0:14:53.199
is one of the key tasks of being a

0:14:52.000,0:14:55.199
teenager

0:14:53.199,0:14:57.360
the teenage years are usually the first

0:14:55.199,0:14:59.040
time an individual begins thinking about

0:14:57.360,0:14:59.600
how their identity may affect their

0:14:59.040,0:15:02.399
future

0:14:59.600,0:15:04.320
and their life the results in many teens

0:15:02.399,0:15:07.199
becoming extremely self-conscious about

0:15:04.320,0:15:11.360
themselves and the way others see them

0:15:07.199,0:15:14.800
and can result in in a self-discovery

0:15:11.360,0:15:16.000
and experimental stage psychologists

0:15:14.800,0:15:18.079
argue that if a teen

0:15:16.000,0:15:19.519
does not establish what their personal

0:15:18.079,0:15:22.639
beliefs and values

0:15:19.519,0:15:24.560
are then they’ll have an identity crisis

0:15:22.639,0:15:26.800
they believe identity development is a

0:15:24.560,0:15:29.759
key process for teens

0:15:26.800,0:15:31.839
and that a failure to establish identity

0:15:29.759,0:15:34.959
leads to role confusion

0:15:31.839,0:15:37.279
and a weak sense of self later

0:15:34.959,0:15:39.440
some teens are able to learn to develop

0:15:37.279,0:15:41.279
and discover their identity in a healthy

0:15:39.440,0:15:43.920
and age-appropriate way

0:15:41.279,0:15:45.199
however other teens the time of identity

0:15:43.920,0:15:47.600
format

0:15:45.199,0:15:50.480
however for other teens the time of

0:15:47.600,0:15:53.199
identity information results in

0:15:50.480,0:15:54.160
participation in risky and promiscuous

0:15:53.199,0:15:55.759
behaviors

0:15:54.160,0:15:58.160
that could potentially have a negative

0:15:55.759,0:15:59.839
and lasting effect on their lives

0:15:58.160,0:16:01.839
participation in harmful and

0:15:59.839,0:16:03.519
inappropriate behavior can be very

0:16:01.839,0:16:06.639
concerning for parents or

0:16:03.519,0:16:08.560
of troubled teens it’s important for

0:16:06.639,0:16:10.560
parents of troubled teens to remember

0:16:08.560,0:16:13.279
that all teens can become healthy and

0:16:10.560,0:16:15.920
happy once again with proper treatment

0:16:13.279,0:16:18.000
so i think that last part is probably

0:16:15.920,0:16:21.040
one of the most important things for you

0:16:18.000,0:16:22.000
because a lot of the activities that

0:16:21.040,0:16:23.199
they’re referring to

0:16:22.000,0:16:25.440
are things that are probably going to

0:16:23.199,0:16:28.320
happen over the next four years

0:16:25.440,0:16:28.800
so a lot of that happens in high school

0:16:28.320,0:16:32.880
your

0:16:28.800,0:16:36.639
social habits change

0:16:32.880,0:16:38.639
your circles that you socialize with

0:16:36.639,0:16:40.399
will change dramatically

0:16:38.639,0:16:42.079
and i think you’ve kind of already seen

0:16:40.399,0:16:43.920
some of that with your

0:16:42.079,0:16:45.759
uh participation in marching band

0:16:43.920,0:16:49.040
haven’t you kind of

0:16:45.759,0:16:51.279
yeah so i think the next

0:16:49.040,0:16:53.920
four years are really where some of the

0:16:51.279,0:16:56.800
words of wisdom and some of the

0:16:53.920,0:16:58.560
uh cautionary tales are going to have

0:16:56.800,0:17:00.800
more of an impact

0:16:58.560,0:17:01.920
than they have up until this point

0:17:00.800,0:17:04.240
because i think you’re going to have a

0:17:01.920,0:17:06.240
lot more opportunities to explore

0:17:04.240,0:17:08.079
yourself identity

0:17:06.240,0:17:09.360
what are your thoughts on that i would

0:17:08.079,0:17:12.400
agree with you because

0:17:09.360,0:17:13.439
when you’re a teen a lot of well when

0:17:12.400,0:17:15.600
you’re in high school

0:17:13.439,0:17:18.079
a lot of things can happen a lot of

0:17:15.600,0:17:20.079
opportunities are open up to you and you

0:17:18.079,0:17:23.199
more or less start to question

0:17:20.079,0:17:24.000
um more things and i definitely think

0:17:23.199,0:17:26.240
that if you’re not

0:17:24.000,0:17:27.839
careful you can spread your identity to

0:17:26.240,0:17:29.200
places that they probably that it

0:17:27.839,0:17:32.160
probably shouldn’t be

0:17:29.200,0:17:34.559
so i agree with you so do you think

0:17:32.160,0:17:38.240
you’ve had the freedom at this point

0:17:34.559,0:17:40.960
up until this point to explore your own

0:17:38.240,0:17:41.360
identity and develop your own identity

0:17:40.960,0:17:43.919
uh

0:17:41.360,0:17:46.559
where you know mommy and daddy haven’t

0:17:43.919,0:17:48.880
been overbearing about it

0:17:46.559,0:17:50.880
but you’ve had that freedom to do it as

0:17:48.880,0:17:52.320
you want to and figure out who you

0:17:50.880,0:17:54.160
are and who you want to be do you think

0:17:52.320,0:17:56.640
you’ve had that yeah i’ve definitely had

0:17:54.160,0:17:58.880
that with you know the influence

0:17:56.640,0:18:01.120
even with the influences i was able to

0:17:58.880,0:18:02.880
come up with my own identity and

0:18:01.120,0:18:05.360
you know develop my own personality

0:18:02.880,0:18:06.480
things i liked things i disliked and my

0:18:05.360,0:18:09.760
overall sense

0:18:06.480,0:18:10.799
of being i guess now do you think the

0:18:09.760,0:18:13.679
self

0:18:10.799,0:18:14.080
uh identity the identity that you’ve

0:18:13.679,0:18:17.039
developed

0:18:14.080,0:18:18.000
at this point has it helped you to

0:18:17.039,0:18:22.080
develop

0:18:18.000,0:18:24.720
more self-assurance self-confidence

0:18:22.080,0:18:26.640
uh has it helped to guide you has it has

0:18:24.720,0:18:28.000
been a hindrance to you do you want to

0:18:26.640,0:18:30.160
change things

0:18:28.000,0:18:31.280
what’s your overall idea of how your

0:18:30.160,0:18:33.520
current

0:18:31.280,0:18:35.120
sense of self identity helps you or

0:18:33.520,0:18:37.200
serves you

0:18:35.120,0:18:38.240
um i definitely think a lot of my

0:18:37.200,0:18:41.120
hobbies

0:18:38.240,0:18:41.840
um in particular have definitely helped

0:18:41.120,0:18:45.520
me in a lot of

0:18:41.840,0:18:48.160
instances and um knowing that i

0:18:45.520,0:18:50.640
ca and knowing the accomplishments i’ve

0:18:48.160,0:18:53.440
been able to do with my identity

0:18:50.640,0:18:54.840
um and have done with my identity has

0:18:53.440,0:18:56.160
definitely helped with my

0:18:54.840,0:18:58.559
self-confidence

0:18:56.160,0:19:00.000
um well i definitely think parts of my

0:18:58.559,0:19:03.039
identity still

0:19:00.000,0:19:05.600
kind of don’t entirely fix that or

0:19:03.039,0:19:07.120
help it um i definitely think that for

0:19:05.600,0:19:09.760
the most part i’m

0:19:07.120,0:19:12.400
pretty good as it is how do you think

0:19:09.760,0:19:15.440
your identity has changed

0:19:12.400,0:19:17.280
frequently has it changed gradually has

0:19:15.440,0:19:18.960
it changed dramatically

0:19:17.280,0:19:21.840
like do you feel you’re a different

0:19:18.960,0:19:25.600
person now than you were five years ago

0:19:21.840,0:19:26.720
uh thinking about it five years ago i

0:19:25.600,0:19:30.160
would probably

0:19:26.720,0:19:34.640
be in i would have probably been

0:19:30.160,0:19:34.640
in fifth grade math is hard

0:19:34.799,0:19:39.600
um in fifth grade i definitely will say

0:19:37.440,0:19:44.480
um the maturity has definitely

0:19:39.600,0:19:46.559
happened um i’m assuming

0:19:44.480,0:19:48.240
i don’t know if it was instantaneously

0:19:46.559,0:19:50.320
because

0:19:48.240,0:19:51.760
well it was kind of instantaneously

0:19:50.320,0:19:54.799
because the fir

0:19:51.760,0:19:57.520
the like first two thirds of sixth grade

0:19:54.799,0:20:00.960
were just an emotional baggage for me

0:19:57.520,0:20:03.679
and like the last third i like was

0:20:00.960,0:20:05.200
extremely mature and i definitely think

0:20:03.679,0:20:05.720
the whole maturity thing kind of

0:20:05.200,0:20:08.960
happened

0:20:05.720,0:20:09.679
instantaneously in some way like one day

0:20:08.960,0:20:13.039
i’m

0:20:09.679,0:20:15.919
like after like after one day

0:20:13.039,0:20:16.720
i just like i’m just an emotional

0:20:15.919,0:20:19.919
package

0:20:16.720,0:20:21.919
i like just had a really bad day and

0:20:19.919,0:20:24.400
then the next day i realized oh wait

0:20:21.919,0:20:25.360
i know how to fix this and that was kind

0:20:24.400,0:20:29.039
of where it

0:20:25.360,0:20:32.000
started yeah um now do you are you

0:20:29.039,0:20:33.679
satisfied with the progress you’ve made

0:20:32.000,0:20:35.600
and who you’re becoming or do you look

0:20:33.679,0:20:37.840
at who you are now

0:20:35.600,0:20:39.360
and and think that there’s a long road

0:20:37.840,0:20:41.280
ahead to get to where i want to be

0:20:39.360,0:20:43.840
how how confident are you and who you

0:20:41.280,0:20:44.480
are today i’m very confident in how i am

0:20:43.840,0:20:48.000
today

0:20:44.480,0:20:50.159
um i definitely don’t think that i have

0:20:48.000,0:20:53.360
a long way to go to find myself

0:20:50.159,0:20:55.120
in certain instances yes i do think i

0:20:53.360,0:20:58.240
have a long way to go

0:20:55.120,0:20:58.720
um but for now um i can just stick with

0:20:58.240,0:21:00.960
who i

0:20:58.720,0:21:02.799
am um and i don’t really need to make

0:21:00.960,0:21:05.679
any huge decisions

0:21:02.799,0:21:07.120
on it right now so how about your

0:21:05.679,0:21:08.880
friends i know you haven’t had much

0:21:07.120,0:21:10.400
opportunity to

0:21:08.880,0:21:12.000
socialize with a lot of your friends

0:21:10.400,0:21:14.159
because of the pandemic

0:21:12.000,0:21:16.000
but how do you think their identity

0:21:14.159,0:21:18.960
development has been do you think

0:21:16.000,0:21:20.799
they’ve had the same freedoms you have

0:21:18.960,0:21:23.200
and the same support that you’ve had

0:21:20.799,0:21:24.400
do you think that they’re confident in

0:21:23.200,0:21:25.600
who they’re

0:21:24.400,0:21:27.039
developing because i know a number of

0:21:25.600,0:21:29.520
your friends are younger than you so

0:21:27.039,0:21:31.280
they might not reach the same stages

0:21:29.520,0:21:32.559
that you’ve reached already but do you

0:21:31.280,0:21:34.400
see them

0:21:32.559,0:21:35.760
kind of progressing along the same lines

0:21:34.400,0:21:38.159
as you or

0:21:35.760,0:21:39.600
kind of yeah because my friends kind of

0:21:38.159,0:21:40.640
went through the same thing i went

0:21:39.600,0:21:43.440
through at their age

0:21:40.640,0:21:44.000
when they had a lot of emotional

0:21:43.440,0:21:46.799
problems

0:21:44.000,0:21:47.760
going on and i kind of acted as support

0:21:46.799,0:21:50.720
for them

0:21:47.760,0:21:52.000
but later on they actually started

0:21:50.720,0:21:54.559
learning how to

0:21:52.000,0:21:56.080
control their emotions a bit more so

0:21:54.559,0:21:58.400
with that i definitely think

0:21:56.080,0:22:00.400
so um and i definitely think that

0:21:58.400,0:22:02.799
they’re also developing

0:22:00.400,0:22:04.240
um they’re they actually might be

0:22:02.799,0:22:08.000
developing themselves

0:22:04.240,0:22:10.960
a little faster than i was so

0:22:08.000,0:22:12.000
you know yay for them good for them yeah

0:22:10.960,0:22:13.919
so let’s talk

0:22:12.000,0:22:15.600
briefly about challenges what are some

0:22:13.919,0:22:19.600
of the challenges that you

0:22:15.600,0:22:22.720
face in developing your identity in

0:22:19.600,0:22:24.159
asserting yourself and and moving in the

0:22:22.720,0:22:26.320
direction that you want to go

0:22:24.159,0:22:28.159
are there challenges what are some of

0:22:26.320,0:22:29.919
the biggest ones you have and what’s

0:22:28.159,0:22:31.440
your technique for overcoming some of

0:22:29.919,0:22:34.400
those challenges

0:22:31.440,0:22:36.880
uh some of the challenges that come with

0:22:34.400,0:22:41.360
i suppose my identity

0:22:36.880,0:22:44.400
is maybe like wrote um

0:22:41.360,0:22:45.440
i guess just my own indecisiveness and

0:22:44.400,0:22:48.960
just my own

0:22:45.440,0:22:52.320
i really don’t know what to do or

0:22:48.960,0:22:53.679
just my unknowing of it and really not

0:22:52.320,0:22:56.720
having much experience

0:22:53.679,0:22:58.480
or idea of how i wanted to go a lot of

0:22:56.720,0:23:00.559
it kind of has to do with

0:22:58.480,0:23:02.880
well the biggest example i can think of

0:23:00.559,0:23:06.720
is probably my sexuality

0:23:02.880,0:23:09.440
i really don’t know at this point um

0:23:06.720,0:23:11.679
i know there are certain things i’m not

0:23:09.440,0:23:14.960
and there’s certain things i might be

0:23:11.679,0:23:17.440
but i can’t really put a word for it um

0:23:14.960,0:23:18.960
i have other examples um but that’s

0:23:17.440,0:23:19.919
probably the biggest one that comes to

0:23:18.960,0:23:21.360
mind

0:23:19.919,0:23:24.559
it’s probably just the fact that i

0:23:21.360,0:23:28.159
really haven’t experienced

0:23:24.559,0:23:30.880
like you know anything that would really

0:23:28.159,0:23:34.000
influence my sexuality all that much

0:23:30.880,0:23:34.000
and i kind of been

0:23:34.400,0:23:38.400
i’m still kind of deciding and it’s just

0:23:36.640,0:23:39.840
because i don’t know and it’s one of the

0:23:38.400,0:23:41.440
things that i’m like

0:23:39.840,0:23:43.919
i’ll just wait and let it happen over

0:23:41.440,0:23:45.760
time i guess and that’s that’s usually

0:23:43.919,0:23:48.480
the safest thing when it comes to that

0:23:45.760,0:23:50.240
when it happens it happens it’s not one

0:23:48.480,0:23:50.960
of those things that you want to obsess

0:23:50.240,0:23:52.880
over or

0:23:50.960,0:23:54.720
focus too much on because you don’t want

0:23:52.880,0:23:59.600
to

0:23:54.720,0:24:02.640
impose a false scenario on yourself

0:23:59.600,0:24:05.840
right so if it happens it happens

0:24:02.640,0:24:09.520
you’ve not had a lot of opportunities

0:24:05.840,0:24:13.520
to engage in any kind of uh

0:24:09.520,0:24:15.440
romantic or or intimate discussions or

0:24:13.520,0:24:17.440
relationships or anything like that

0:24:15.440,0:24:20.080
largely due to the pandemic

0:24:17.440,0:24:21.200
since you’re not seeing anyone yeah um

0:24:20.080,0:24:23.760
like physically

0:24:21.200,0:24:25.760
not like being in contact with anyone

0:24:23.760,0:24:28.080
makes that very difficult

0:24:25.760,0:24:31.279
uh i had a i had a conversation not too

0:24:28.080,0:24:34.400
long ago with a co-worker who’s single

0:24:31.279,0:24:36.640
and uh you know prior to the pandemic he

0:24:34.400,0:24:39.200
he was dating you know he tried a couple

0:24:36.640,0:24:42.000
of dating sites and stuff like that

0:24:39.200,0:24:43.279
and i had asked him how that was

0:24:42.000,0:24:47.279
affecting his

0:24:43.279,0:24:50.000
his social life in the pandemic

0:24:47.279,0:24:50.559
and uh there were a lot more challenges

0:24:50.000,0:24:52.320
than i

0:24:50.559,0:24:54.000
thought because there were some people

0:24:52.320,0:24:55.200
that that didn’t take the pandemic

0:24:54.000,0:24:57.760
seriously and we

0:24:55.200,0:24:59.200
kind of talked about that in the past

0:24:57.760,0:25:01.440
but a lot of times

0:24:59.200,0:25:03.200
you have to change your techniques you

0:25:01.440,0:25:04.880
know there was a lot of video dating

0:25:03.200,0:25:07.440
there was a lot of

0:25:04.880,0:25:09.360
dating in in the virtual world and stuff

0:25:07.440,0:25:12.080
like that and it’s really hard to get to

0:25:09.360,0:25:14.000
know someone when you do that

0:25:12.080,0:25:15.440
so with the world starting to get back

0:25:14.000,0:25:18.480
to normal

0:25:15.440,0:25:20.720
with you going physically back into a

0:25:18.480,0:25:24.000
school environment now

0:25:20.720,0:25:26.400
and with you being part of

0:25:24.000,0:25:27.679
different social groups you know your

0:25:26.400,0:25:28.000
your marching band’s going to be a

0:25:27.679,0:25:29.200
social

0:25:28.000,0:25:31.120
group there’s going to be people there

0:25:29.200,0:25:32.799
you’re going to socialize with

0:25:31.120,0:25:34.400
i think you’re going to find that

0:25:32.799,0:25:36.720
getting to know people again

0:25:34.400,0:25:39.919
will offer opportunities for you to

0:25:36.720,0:25:43.360
exercise your social skills

0:25:39.919,0:25:44.240
so it’s not even about the ability to

0:25:43.360,0:25:46.240
interact

0:25:44.240,0:25:48.000
romantically or intimately with someone

0:25:46.240,0:25:49.039
it’s just you need to learn how to

0:25:48.000,0:25:50.799
interact with people

0:25:49.039,0:25:52.559
again in general you know people have

0:25:50.799,0:25:55.120
been cooped up for

0:25:52.559,0:25:56.080
over a year now and it’s when you don’t

0:25:55.120,0:25:58.480
have a conversation

0:25:56.080,0:25:59.679
face to face with people for months at a

0:25:58.480,0:26:01.120
time

0:25:59.679,0:26:03.120
that’s a skill that you kind of need to

0:26:01.120,0:26:05.120
exercise again yeah

0:26:03.120,0:26:07.039
but it sounds like for the most part

0:26:05.120,0:26:08.320
you’re pretty confident in who you are

0:26:07.039,0:26:08.960
at this point in time would you agree

0:26:08.320,0:26:12.480
with that

0:26:08.960,0:26:13.520
yeah a lot of things i do um understand

0:26:12.480,0:26:15.600
about myself

0:26:13.520,0:26:17.840
i understand a lot of what my

0:26:15.600,0:26:20.240
personality offers i understand a lot of

0:26:17.840,0:26:22.000
my hobbies and dislikes offer

0:26:20.240,0:26:23.520
and for the most part i have a pretty

0:26:22.000,0:26:26.159
good self-identity

0:26:23.520,0:26:26.640
there are those few things that i really

0:26:26.159,0:26:30.400
am not

0:26:26.640,0:26:32.240
sure of or aren’t aware of at this point

0:26:30.400,0:26:34.159
but they’re probably things that don’t

0:26:32.240,0:26:35.279
matter right now and i can probably find

0:26:34.159,0:26:38.400
them out later on

0:26:35.279,0:26:40.400
right now are there traits personality

0:26:38.400,0:26:40.640
traits or identity traits that you see

0:26:40.400,0:26:44.240
in

0:26:40.640,0:26:46.880
others that you would want to emulate

0:26:44.240,0:26:48.320
in yourself and like are you looking at

0:26:46.880,0:26:52.080
others as examples

0:26:48.320,0:26:53.200
of the type of identity that you want to

0:26:52.080,0:26:56.880
adopt yourself

0:26:53.200,0:26:58.880
or are you genuinely you from the ground

0:26:56.880,0:27:01.120
up and you made yourself

0:26:58.880,0:27:02.400
in the image you want or or are you

0:27:01.120,0:27:04.640
emulating others

0:27:02.400,0:27:05.440
well the one thing i would the one trade

0:27:04.640,0:27:07.039
i do

0:27:05.440,0:27:08.480
kind of wish i had and i’ve kind of

0:27:07.039,0:27:11.039
mentioned this to you

0:27:08.480,0:27:12.720
um before not really i don’t know if

0:27:11.039,0:27:14.080
i’ve mentioned on the podcast i probably

0:27:12.720,0:27:17.200
have but

0:27:14.080,0:27:20.399
um i kind of want mommy’s ability

0:27:17.200,0:27:23.600
to be social because after

0:27:20.399,0:27:25.279
being stuck at home for over a year like

0:27:23.600,0:27:27.200
even though i wasn’t really social to

0:27:25.279,0:27:29.440
begin with i really

0:27:27.200,0:27:30.799
am having trouble being able to

0:27:29.440,0:27:34.320
socialize with people

0:27:30.799,0:27:35.279
i get like despite the fact i’m fully

0:27:34.320,0:27:36.480
vaccinated and

0:27:35.279,0:27:39.279
most people are probably fully

0:27:36.480,0:27:41.760
vaccinated i get nervous around people

0:27:39.279,0:27:43.520
and i’m feeling a lot more introverted

0:27:41.760,0:27:46.720
than i have in a really long than

0:27:43.520,0:27:48.080
than i have before the pandemic so yes

0:27:46.720,0:27:51.360
mommy is a

0:27:48.080,0:27:52.240
an extrovert to the extreme i think she

0:27:51.360,0:27:54.720
could

0:27:52.240,0:27:55.600
much like my mom you know my mom would

0:27:54.720,0:27:57.840
she didn’t

0:27:55.600,0:27:59.200
engage in conversations with people like

0:27:57.840,0:28:01.600
mommy does

0:27:59.200,0:28:03.679
but my mom was the type of person who

0:28:01.600,0:28:04.320
could go sit in a park somewhere and

0:28:03.679,0:28:05.760
people would

0:28:04.320,0:28:07.520
just walk up to her and start

0:28:05.760,0:28:09.200
conversations

0:28:07.520,0:28:11.200
mommy’s the type of person who could

0:28:09.200,0:28:14.240
strike up a conversation with anybody

0:28:11.200,0:28:16.000
and hold her own on you know on just

0:28:14.240,0:28:19.039
about any subject

0:28:16.000,0:28:22.159
um and i i can talk to people

0:28:19.039,0:28:23.760
you know i don’t like to yeah like and

0:28:22.159,0:28:26.000
that’s the thing like

0:28:23.760,0:28:27.039
if like if you’re able to get me talking

0:28:26.000,0:28:29.279
about a subject

0:28:27.039,0:28:30.559
i will talk about it i can talk to

0:28:29.279,0:28:32.799
people it’s just

0:28:30.559,0:28:34.159
starting the conversation and keeping it

0:28:32.799,0:28:36.960
going is what i have the

0:28:34.159,0:28:40.080
trouble with yeah yeah and mommy’s just

0:28:36.960,0:28:42.080
a very friendly outgoing individual

0:28:40.080,0:28:43.440
it helps that she’s very cute too so

0:28:42.080,0:28:45.200
that you know she doesn’t scare people

0:28:43.440,0:28:46.240
off i think part of my problem is i

0:28:45.200,0:28:49.360
scare people off

0:28:46.240,0:28:50.960
you know i look like an ogre um you know

0:28:49.360,0:28:52.559
i was telling you before there was a

0:28:50.960,0:28:56.399
situation where mommy and i had

0:28:52.559,0:28:58.480
actually gone out to um kind of a social

0:28:56.399,0:29:00.080
event it was a

0:28:58.480,0:29:03.360
disney event we went to it was for her

0:29:00.080,0:29:06.240
d23 fan club thing and

0:29:03.360,0:29:07.679
it was a packed stadium packed not

0:29:06.240,0:29:10.960
stadium but like a lecture hall

0:29:07.679,0:29:13.520
at a college and they were doing demos

0:29:10.960,0:29:15.200
and before they started everyone you

0:29:13.520,0:29:18.320
know filed in found the seat

0:29:15.200,0:29:21.120
and we were sitting on the far side

0:29:18.320,0:29:21.679
so our robe butted up against the wall

0:29:21.120,0:29:23.440
and

0:29:21.679,0:29:25.279
i was on the end because i needed a leg

0:29:23.440,0:29:28.080
room and mommy was next to me and the

0:29:25.279,0:29:30.480
rest of the entire row was open

0:29:28.080,0:29:32.320
and every other seat in the place was

0:29:30.480,0:29:33.520
taken to the point that it was standing

0:29:32.320,0:29:36.320
room only

0:29:33.520,0:29:36.799
and people would walk up the aisle look

0:29:36.320,0:29:39.679
at me

0:29:36.799,0:29:40.240
look at the seats and keep on walking

0:29:39.679,0:29:42.880
and

0:29:40.240,0:29:44.799
there was probably 15 people standing

0:29:42.880,0:29:48.000
behind me because people were

0:29:44.799,0:29:49.760
i don’t know intimidated or terrified to

0:29:48.000,0:29:52.960
ask me to get up so that they could

0:29:49.760,0:29:56.320
they could sit in that row so i don’t

0:29:52.960,0:29:57.919
have that problem that that my mom had

0:29:56.320,0:29:58.159
where people just come up and talk to me

0:29:57.919,0:30:00.240
and

0:29:58.159,0:30:01.679
and a lot of that has to do with the

0:30:00.240,0:30:04.399
fact that i

0:30:01.679,0:30:05.440
can be intimidating to people uh and

0:30:04.399,0:30:09.039
mommy doesn’t have that

0:30:05.440,0:30:12.159
mommy is is is probably the least

0:30:09.039,0:30:14.240
intimidating person most inviting person

0:30:12.159,0:30:15.200
uh in a social environment that i know

0:30:14.240,0:30:18.240
of

0:30:15.200,0:30:20.240
so that’s a great skill to have because

0:30:18.240,0:30:22.240
it’s a great icebreaker you know the

0:30:20.240,0:30:23.840
ability to to walk up to someone and

0:30:22.240,0:30:27.679
just start a conversation so that’s

0:30:23.840,0:30:29.679
definitely a worthwhile identity trait

0:30:27.679,0:30:31.120
to try to master i can’t help you with

0:30:29.679,0:30:33.039
that because i don’t have it

0:30:31.120,0:30:35.360
yeah and that’s like the one thing that

0:30:33.039,0:30:35.679
i also think that kids kind of have when

0:30:35.360,0:30:37.679
they’re

0:30:35.679,0:30:38.720
younger because there have been plenty

0:30:37.679,0:30:41.600
of instances

0:30:38.720,0:30:42.880
where like i was like on a playground or

0:30:41.600,0:30:44.799
near a playground

0:30:42.880,0:30:46.320
and kids just came up to me and asked me

0:30:44.799,0:30:48.080
if they wanted to play like

0:30:46.320,0:30:49.679
well you just had that happen at the

0:30:48.080,0:30:51.600
renaissance fair that we went to

0:30:49.679,0:30:53.360
yeah and that’s the one thing like i’m a

0:30:51.600,0:30:55.200
mix between you and mommy

0:30:53.360,0:30:56.880
like you don’t have any social skills

0:30:55.200,0:30:58.640
but people don’t want to talk to you

0:30:56.880,0:31:00.559
mommy has social skills and people want

0:30:58.640,0:31:02.799
to talk to her i don’t have social

0:31:00.559,0:31:05.760
skills but people want to talk to me

0:31:02.799,0:31:06.960
so i basically am like i probably got

0:31:05.760,0:31:09.279
the worst

0:31:06.960,0:31:11.120
you are definitely our daughter i don’t

0:31:09.279,0:31:11.600
i don’t think there’s any doubt about

0:31:11.120,0:31:15.200
that

0:31:11.600,0:31:16.720
yeah so i think that was all we had on

0:31:15.200,0:31:18.240
on that segment there we’re going to

0:31:16.720,0:31:19.679
take another quick break

0:31:18.240,0:31:22.480
take our last break we’ll come back and

0:31:19.679,0:31:25.919
we’ll talk about some of the common ways

0:31:22.480,0:31:27.279
teens display their self-identity

0:31:25.919,0:31:29.279
and then we’ll also talk about how

0:31:27.279,0:31:31.679
parents can help their teenager

0:31:29.279,0:31:32.860
form a positive self identity we’ll be

0:31:31.679,0:31:41.039
right back

0:31:32.860,0:31:43.440
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0:32:42.799,0:32:46.679
welcome back to insights into teens

0:32:44.720,0:32:48.080
today we are talking about expressing

0:32:46.679,0:32:49.440
individuality

0:32:48.080,0:32:51.120
and right now we’re going to talk about

0:32:49.440,0:32:52.640
common ways teens display their

0:32:51.120,0:32:55.440
self-identity

0:32:52.640,0:32:56.000
their self-identity issues as a way to

0:32:55.440,0:32:58.000
navigate

0:32:56.000,0:32:59.440
the stress and confusion that comes with

0:32:58.000,0:33:01.760
identity development

0:32:59.440,0:33:03.360
some teens turn to outside signs and

0:33:01.760,0:33:04.399
symbols to help them define their

0:33:03.360,0:33:07.679
identity

0:33:04.399,0:33:08.480
a professor of psychology developed the

0:33:07.679,0:33:10.880
five most

0:33:08.480,0:33:13.200
common ways in which teens demonstrate

0:33:10.880,0:33:15.600
their struggles with identity

0:33:13.200,0:33:16.880
so the first one is seeking status

0:33:15.600,0:33:18.960
symbols

0:33:16.880,0:33:20.640
this includes clothing and possessions

0:33:18.960,0:33:24.000
to create a sense of

0:33:20.640,0:33:26.720
positive affiliation um

0:33:24.000,0:33:28.720
the next thing we have here is forbidden

0:33:26.720,0:33:31.279
grown-up behaviors

0:33:28.720,0:33:32.720
some teens be believe that appearing

0:33:31.279,0:33:35.200
mature will

0:33:32.720,0:33:35.840
will bring acceptance so they begin

0:33:35.200,0:33:38.240
engaging

0:33:35.840,0:33:41.840
in behaviors such as drinking smoking

0:33:38.240,0:33:44.399
drinking drugs and sexual activity

0:33:41.840,0:33:46.399
the next one we talk about is rebellion

0:33:44.399,0:33:48.080
many teen jews rebellion

0:33:46.399,0:33:49.519
as a way to show that they’re different

0:33:48.080,0:33:52.880
from their parents

0:33:49.519,0:33:55.919
and to be accepted by their peers

0:33:52.880,0:33:58.159
the next one we have is idols some teens

0:33:55.919,0:34:00.960
may identify with a famous person

0:33:58.159,0:34:03.039
as a result and as a result try to

0:34:00.960,0:34:05.440
become like that person

0:34:03.039,0:34:07.360
and as a result they lose hold of their

0:34:05.440,0:34:10.000
own identity

0:34:07.360,0:34:11.679
and the final one we have is clicks

0:34:10.000,0:34:13.679
teens who are forming their identity

0:34:11.679,0:34:15.919
will often form clicks because they do

0:34:13.679,0:34:16.240
not want to be associated with anyone

0:34:15.919,0:34:19.599
with

0:34:16.240,0:34:21.520
undesirable characteristics so

0:34:19.599,0:34:22.639
okay let’s let’s explore these and see

0:34:21.520,0:34:25.599
if you’ve experienced

0:34:22.639,0:34:26.960
any of these so let’s talk about seeking

0:34:25.599,0:34:29.760
status symbols so

0:34:26.960,0:34:31.119
that this includes clothing possessions

0:34:29.760,0:34:33.960
etc so do you

0:34:31.119,0:34:35.119
have status symbols do you have

0:34:33.960,0:34:38.320
materialistic

0:34:35.119,0:34:41.280
things some people cling to the

0:34:38.320,0:34:43.200
technology some people cling to jewelry

0:34:41.280,0:34:45.599
do you have any types of things like

0:34:43.200,0:34:50.079
that that you cling to

0:34:45.599,0:34:52.560
to try to establish an identity um

0:34:50.079,0:34:53.919
i think technology would probably be one

0:34:52.560,0:34:57.440
because a lot of

0:34:53.919,0:35:00.000
my identity specifically my art identity

0:34:57.440,0:35:02.560
can kind of come out in technology

0:35:00.000,0:35:05.119
um so that would probably be one of the

0:35:02.560,0:35:08.400
major ones

0:35:05.119,0:35:10.720
um i don’t really

0:35:08.400,0:35:12.880
think jewelry is anything because i

0:35:10.720,0:35:16.640
really don’t wear any jewelry

0:35:12.880,0:35:19.440
um so technology would be your

0:35:16.640,0:35:20.240
your status symbol yeah probably so what

0:35:19.440,0:35:23.119
about

0:35:20.240,0:35:25.440
forbidden grown up and i do that in air

0:35:23.119,0:35:27.040
quotes grown-up behaviors

0:35:25.440,0:35:28.640
here they talk about some of the more

0:35:27.040,0:35:31.680
undesirable ones

0:35:28.640,0:35:34.160
like smoking drinking drugs and so forth

0:35:31.680,0:35:36.000
but there’s other things where you can

0:35:34.160,0:35:39.200
try to portray yourself

0:35:36.000,0:35:41.599
mature the way that you dress the way

0:35:39.200,0:35:45.520
that you treat other people do you try

0:35:41.599,0:35:49.200
to appear more mature to use that to

0:35:45.520,0:35:52.640
sort of influence your identity

0:35:49.200,0:35:56.560
um i don’t think i really dress

0:35:52.640,0:35:59.280
mature considering the t-shirt

0:35:56.560,0:36:00.079
logos i sometimes wear like the i’m not

0:35:59.280,0:36:03.119
this

0:36:00.079,0:36:06.640
yeah i’m totally listening shirt um

0:36:03.119,0:36:10.000
so i don’t think that aspect um is it

0:36:06.640,0:36:12.320
but uh with my personality i do at least

0:36:10.000,0:36:13.599
try to appear mature because i think

0:36:12.320,0:36:16.240
that is

0:36:13.599,0:36:18.480
kind of part of my identity i don’t do

0:36:16.240,0:36:20.880
it in the bad ways like doing these

0:36:18.480,0:36:24.160
grown-up behaviors

0:36:20.880,0:36:26.800
um i just have i just express mature

0:36:24.160,0:36:31.040
personality and i can

0:36:26.800,0:36:34.240
relate myself to um

0:36:31.040,0:36:37.440
and i seem to be you know

0:36:34.240,0:36:40.240
decently mature for being for 14. okay

0:36:37.440,0:36:42.480
fair enough how about rebellion i was

0:36:40.240,0:36:45.920
never much of a rebel myself i i

0:36:42.480,0:36:47.520
kind of was a you know do what my

0:36:45.920,0:36:48.720
parents say my parents kind of gave me

0:36:47.520,0:36:50.800
all the freedom that i needed there was

0:36:48.720,0:36:53.440
no need for me to rebel

0:36:50.800,0:36:55.440
do you think you rebelled do you do you

0:36:53.440,0:36:57.839
do the anti-parent thing

0:36:55.440,0:36:59.680
to to express yourself and then and to

0:36:57.839,0:37:02.800
be individualistic

0:36:59.680,0:37:05.119
i don’t think i’ve gone to that and you

0:37:02.800,0:37:05.920
guys have actually been afraid of me

0:37:05.119,0:37:08.960
going there

0:37:05.920,0:37:11.040
where like i would well like you know

0:37:08.960,0:37:15.200
just ignore you and such

0:37:11.040,0:37:17.520
um i haven’t really been rebellious

0:37:15.200,0:37:19.359
in any sense like i don’t really go

0:37:17.520,0:37:22.560
against your authority

0:37:19.359,0:37:25.119
um in any real way um

0:37:22.560,0:37:27.040
i mostly have like we have playful

0:37:25.119,0:37:28.800
arguments but that’s really not

0:37:27.040,0:37:30.560
an active rebellion i don’t think it’s

0:37:28.800,0:37:33.200
really no no not at all

0:37:30.560,0:37:33.920
yeah so i really am not a rebellious kid

0:37:33.200,0:37:35.920
you really

0:37:33.920,0:37:37.359
you don’t actually give me much reason

0:37:35.920,0:37:40.400
to be rebellious anyway

0:37:37.359,0:37:44.320
well that’s good to know so idols

0:37:40.400,0:37:48.079
so we we tried to do a podcast

0:37:44.320,0:37:50.400
on role models and idols and and

0:37:48.079,0:37:52.240
it didn’t work very well at the time

0:37:50.400,0:37:54.480
because you didn’t have any

0:37:52.240,0:37:56.960
like you you didn’t look to like

0:37:54.480,0:38:01.119
celebrities or athletes or

0:37:56.960,0:38:02.960
uh musicians or anything as as idols

0:38:01.119,0:38:05.359
so i’m pretty sure it still doesn’t

0:38:02.960,0:38:08.480
apply to you but how do you think

0:38:05.359,0:38:10.960
the the today’s media treats

0:38:08.480,0:38:13.200
celebrities and how those celebrities

0:38:10.960,0:38:15.839
influence teens identities

0:38:13.200,0:38:16.480
i mean celebrities probably do have a

0:38:15.839,0:38:20.000
pretty

0:38:16.480,0:38:23.680
big influence on a lot of teens lives

0:38:20.000,0:38:26.880
specifically sports players and so forth

0:38:23.680,0:38:30.720
um and i think some celebrities

0:38:26.880,0:38:34.480
are okay to be idolized and others not

0:38:30.720,0:38:38.320
and um like they said here sometimes

0:38:34.480,0:38:41.040
idolizing idolizing people to an extent

0:38:38.320,0:38:42.400
makes you lose your own self-identity

0:38:41.040,0:38:46.480
and the whole

0:38:42.400,0:38:49.119
reason on why you were idolizing them um

0:38:46.480,0:38:51.040
and as long and i’d say as long as that

0:38:49.119,0:38:53.680
doesn’t happen and you still

0:38:51.040,0:38:54.640
like develop your own identity i think

0:38:53.680,0:38:57.520
it’s all right to

0:38:54.640,0:38:59.200
idolize the good kinds of people and

0:38:57.520,0:39:00.960
celebrities and such

0:38:59.200,0:39:02.240
so what about clicks i don’t think

0:39:00.960,0:39:05.359
you’ve

0:39:02.240,0:39:07.359
uh ever really been in a clique as the

0:39:05.359,0:39:09.200
as they’re traditionally labeled you’ve

0:39:07.359,0:39:10.800
had some friends

0:39:09.200,0:39:11.920
you know you you had a group of friends

0:39:10.800,0:39:12.960
that you hung around with but they

0:39:11.920,0:39:16.160
weren’t very cliquish

0:39:12.960,0:39:18.240
from from what i could see um

0:39:16.160,0:39:19.920
going into high school and being part of

0:39:18.240,0:39:23.599
marching band marching band

0:39:19.920,0:39:25.760
by its very nature is a click

0:39:23.599,0:39:27.680
how do you think that’s going to affect

0:39:25.760,0:39:30.400
your personality and how do you think

0:39:27.680,0:39:33.119
clicks in general affect teens

0:39:30.400,0:39:35.119
identity development i definitely think

0:39:33.119,0:39:37.200
that clicks can

0:39:35.119,0:39:38.480
identify it by being one of the biggest

0:39:37.200,0:39:42.079
influencers for

0:39:38.480,0:39:45.119
it because a lot of

0:39:42.079,0:39:48.800
clicks a lot of people with clicks have

0:39:45.119,0:39:51.680
well very similar personality traits

0:39:48.800,0:39:53.520
um and i definitely think that clicks is

0:39:51.680,0:39:54.240
probably one of the other social things

0:39:53.520,0:39:56.400
that

0:39:54.240,0:39:58.880
um a lot of teens can take influence

0:39:56.400,0:40:02.240
from and also express themselves

0:39:58.880,0:40:05.520
um for being in marching band i might

0:40:02.240,0:40:07.359
i probably might become a lot

0:40:05.520,0:40:09.359
um i definitely think marching band will

0:40:07.359,0:40:12.720
probably change my personality

0:40:09.359,0:40:16.480
um in certain ways like with fair

0:40:12.720,0:40:19.760
like it’ll probably teach me like

0:40:16.480,0:40:21.200
how to react to certain scenarios like

0:40:19.760,0:40:24.400
with regular bands

0:40:21.200,0:40:27.520
um it changed me by like

0:40:24.400,0:40:29.920
realizing the beats and songs and also

0:40:27.520,0:40:30.640
noticing like the various instruments

0:40:29.920,0:40:33.599
and

0:40:30.640,0:40:34.640
more or less more or less not really and

0:40:33.599,0:40:37.839
kind of changed

0:40:34.640,0:40:38.480
how i felt about songs i didn’t really

0:40:37.839,0:40:40.880
focus

0:40:38.480,0:40:42.079
on the lyrics as much as i did with the

0:40:40.880,0:40:44.960
rhythm and beat

0:40:42.079,0:40:46.400
right so i definitely think that it

0:40:44.960,0:40:47.280
definitely changed my perspective of

0:40:46.400,0:40:50.319
music

0:40:47.280,0:40:53.440
marching band is a lot more physical so

0:40:50.319,0:40:56.240
it might influence um

0:40:53.440,0:40:57.599
certain aspects of how i move and such

0:40:56.240,0:41:00.079
i’m not entirely sure

0:40:57.599,0:41:01.040
so okay we’ll kind of just see how that

0:41:00.079,0:41:02.480
goes okay

0:41:01.040,0:41:04.560
again it’s important to keep in mind

0:41:02.480,0:41:08.079
there’s a variety of ways that teens

0:41:04.560,0:41:08.640
experience identity formation and keep

0:41:08.079,0:41:11.760
in mind

0:41:08.640,0:41:13.280
some experiences are more harmful than

0:41:11.760,0:41:15.040
others so parents kind of have to keep

0:41:13.280,0:41:17.839
an eye on that

0:41:15.040,0:41:19.200
what other tips do we have for for our

0:41:17.839,0:41:22.319
parents out there

0:41:19.200,0:41:24.640
okay so parents are so parents

0:41:22.319,0:41:25.839
are very important are very important in

0:41:24.640,0:41:28.880
terms of team

0:41:25.839,0:41:30.560
teen identity development studies show

0:41:28.880,0:41:32.480
teens with close relationships with

0:41:30.560,0:41:35.040
their parents have lower rates

0:41:32.480,0:41:36.800
of experimentation with drugs and risky

0:41:35.040,0:41:38.560
sexual behaviors

0:41:36.800,0:41:40.640
for your teen the process of teen

0:41:38.560,0:41:42.480
identity development can be a stressful

0:41:40.640,0:41:44.240
time and can lead to one feeling

0:41:42.480,0:41:46.000
overwhelmed and unsure

0:41:44.240,0:41:48.160
providing a child with a caring and

0:41:46.000,0:41:50.240
accepting adult influence whether you

0:41:48.160,0:41:52.960
are a parent relative or teacher

0:41:50.240,0:41:55.359
is critical in securing a healthy

0:41:52.960,0:41:57.520
identity development

0:41:55.359,0:41:59.440
simply spending time with your troubled

0:41:57.520,0:42:02.640
teen is one of the most important roles

0:41:59.440,0:42:02.640
you can play in their life

0:42:03.040,0:42:06.319
consistent consistent and caring

0:42:05.200,0:42:08.400
influence and

0:42:06.319,0:42:10.880
presence of adults in an adolescent’s

0:42:08.400,0:42:13.920
life is one of the best ways to assure a

0:42:10.880,0:42:15.920
seamless transition to adulthood

0:42:13.920,0:42:18.160
parents can help their troubled teen

0:42:15.920,0:42:20.000
develop a positive self-identity in the

0:42:18.160,0:42:22.240
following ways

0:42:20.000,0:42:24.640
model healthy lifestyle habits and

0:42:22.240,0:42:26.640
skills to manage stress

0:42:24.640,0:42:28.400
teach healthy ways to handle life’s

0:42:26.640,0:42:30.720
disappointments

0:42:28.400,0:42:32.720
avoid making comparisons between your

0:42:30.720,0:42:35.040
teen and others

0:42:32.720,0:42:36.880
give your teen compliments or positive

0:42:35.040,0:42:38.800
reinforcement

0:42:36.880,0:42:40.640
encourage and promote healthy sleep

0:42:38.800,0:42:43.599
habits for your team

0:42:40.640,0:42:44.640
and hold boundaries with your team with

0:42:43.599,0:42:46.960
your child

0:42:44.640,0:42:48.319
while communicating love for them as a

0:42:46.960,0:42:50.319
person

0:42:48.319,0:42:51.839
when parents have exhausted all the

0:42:50.319,0:42:54.000
above methods

0:42:51.839,0:42:56.000
you know you can still continue to see

0:42:54.000,0:42:58.640
your teen struggle

0:42:56.000,0:43:00.480
and forming their identity and it might

0:42:58.640,0:43:02.400
be time to seek professional help we’re

0:43:00.480,0:43:03.040
not professionals here nor do we pretend

0:43:02.400,0:43:06.240
to be

0:43:03.040,0:43:08.800
yeah we try to take things as

0:43:06.240,0:43:10.480
realistic and down the earth as possible

0:43:08.800,0:43:11.760
hence why i have my subject matter

0:43:10.480,0:43:14.800
expert here with me

0:43:11.760,0:43:15.920
yeah so let’s explore these for

0:43:14.800,0:43:18.160
for a little bit here so one of the

0:43:15.920,0:43:20.079
things they do talk about is

0:43:18.160,0:43:21.599
forming close relationships with your

0:43:20.079,0:43:23.599
parents do you think you have a close

0:43:21.599,0:43:26.240
relationship with mommy and daddy

0:43:23.599,0:43:27.680
yeah definitely considering the fact

0:43:26.240,0:43:30.240
that i’ve started

0:43:27.680,0:43:32.000
you know quoting songs and started

0:43:30.240,0:43:34.319
quoting commercials and funny

0:43:32.000,0:43:35.520
you know phrases with you and have

0:43:34.319,0:43:38.000
pretty much become

0:43:35.520,0:43:39.359
geeks like you guys has probably shown

0:43:38.000,0:43:40.720
that we probably have a really close

0:43:39.359,0:43:44.000
relationship

0:43:40.720,0:43:45.359
nice they also talk about that the

0:43:44.000,0:43:47.280
process of team

0:43:45.359,0:43:48.960
identity development can be stressful

0:43:47.280,0:43:52.880
and overwhelming have you ever

0:43:48.960,0:43:54.880
felt overwhelmed at

0:43:52.880,0:43:56.640
who you are and how your identity is

0:43:54.880,0:43:58.480
developing has it ever

0:43:56.640,0:44:00.079
has it just been a natural process or is

0:43:58.480,0:44:01.599
it something you’ve consciously thought

0:44:00.079,0:44:05.200
about

0:44:01.599,0:44:07.040
well us probably especially when i

0:44:05.200,0:44:10.160
started learning that there were more

0:44:07.040,0:44:13.440
ways to express my identity is kind of

0:44:10.160,0:44:16.560
when i started feeling a bit overwhelmed

0:44:13.440,0:44:19.920
um and

0:44:16.560,0:44:22.560
um a lot of that kind of had to do with

0:44:19.920,0:44:24.079
me really not knowing a lot about it

0:44:22.560,0:44:28.000
like i’ve mentioned before

0:44:24.079,0:44:31.520
and as well as it being completely new

0:44:28.000,0:44:34.079
and uh you know the variety of choices

0:44:31.520,0:44:37.040
having for my identity can kind of be

0:44:34.079,0:44:40.240
overwhelming at times so

0:44:37.040,0:44:43.440
um while i definitely have built a

0:44:40.240,0:44:44.400
firm identity over time it did take some

0:44:43.440,0:44:47.440
time for me to

0:44:44.400,0:44:49.440
realize all of it fair point

0:44:47.440,0:44:50.960
i think really the important thing to

0:44:49.440,0:44:53.119
keep in mind

0:44:50.960,0:44:55.280
is that teen identity is is very

0:44:53.119,0:44:56.640
important and it’s not just

0:44:55.280,0:44:58.960
something that gets you through your

0:44:56.640,0:45:00.960
teenage years it’s something

0:44:58.960,0:45:02.000
that stays with you for the rest of your

0:45:00.960,0:45:04.240
life

0:45:02.000,0:45:05.280
and i think it’s important that parents

0:45:04.240,0:45:06.880
contribute to that

0:45:05.280,0:45:09.040
any way they can by supporting their

0:45:06.880,0:45:10.800
teens yep

0:45:09.040,0:45:12.640
uh i think that was pretty much all we

0:45:10.800,0:45:14.319
had right i think so

0:45:12.640,0:45:15.760
i think we’ll take a quick break we’ll

0:45:14.319,0:45:16.400
come back and we’ll get your closing

0:45:15.760,0:45:18.710
thoughts

0:45:16.400,0:45:24.160
alrighty all right be right back

0:45:18.710,0:45:26.800
[Music]

0:45:24.160,0:45:28.800
go for your closing remarks so to

0:45:26.800,0:45:29.760
everyone out there i just wanted to

0:45:28.800,0:45:32.880
express again

0:45:29.760,0:45:36.319
how important it is for teens to

0:45:32.880,0:45:38.880
express their individuality and well

0:45:36.319,0:45:40.160
express what they want their identity to

0:45:38.880,0:45:43.440
be

0:45:40.160,0:45:45.280
parents have a big influence on this and

0:45:43.440,0:45:47.040
it’s basically the parents job to make

0:45:45.280,0:45:50.480
sure that as long

0:45:47.040,0:45:51.599
that your teen is developing a safe and

0:45:50.480,0:45:54.160
good identity

0:45:51.599,0:45:55.680
i definitely don’t think you should

0:45:54.160,0:45:58.160
shape your teen in

0:45:55.680,0:45:59.520
the way that you want them to be and i

0:45:58.160,0:46:01.040
definitely think you should allow them

0:45:59.520,0:46:03.680
to be who they want

0:46:01.040,0:46:05.920
but if what they’re doing to express

0:46:03.680,0:46:08.560
their individuality is something that

0:46:05.920,0:46:09.359
is unpositive i definitely think the

0:46:08.560,0:46:11.760
parents

0:46:09.359,0:46:12.960
need to intervene with that and just

0:46:11.760,0:46:16.079
know that you teen

0:46:12.960,0:46:19.839
can um be well with it

0:46:16.079,0:46:22.400
and can get better and it just takes

0:46:19.839,0:46:23.520
a few and it just takes a few tries to

0:46:22.400,0:46:26.880
get it right

0:46:23.520,0:46:28.880
sage advice as always thank you

0:46:26.880,0:46:30.880
that was it for today’s topic before we

0:46:28.880,0:46:33.200
go i do want to invite folks once again

0:46:30.880,0:46:36.480
to subscribe to the podcast you can get

0:46:33.200,0:46:38.400
audio versions of this podcast listed as

0:46:36.480,0:46:40.400
insights into teens

0:46:38.400,0:46:42.960
video versions of the podcast can be

0:46:40.400,0:46:44.400
found listed as insights into teens

0:46:42.960,0:46:47.359
and we’re available anywhere you get a

0:46:44.400,0:46:50.720
podcast such as apple podcast spotify

0:46:47.359,0:46:54.079
google stitcher i heart radio etc

0:46:50.720,0:46:55.760
etc i would also invite everyone to

0:46:54.079,0:46:57.440
reach out to us give us your feedback

0:46:55.760,0:46:59.920
give us some show suggestions

0:46:57.440,0:47:01.359
we’re always looking for new ideas you

0:46:59.920,0:47:03.839
can email us at comments

0:47:01.359,0:47:06.720
insights into things.com you can get us

0:47:03.839,0:47:09.040
on twitter at insights underscore things

0:47:06.720,0:47:10.240
you can get high-res versions of our

0:47:09.040,0:47:13.839
videos on youtube

0:47:10.240,0:47:16.800
at youtube.com insights into things

0:47:13.839,0:47:18.880
we do stream five days a week on twitch

0:47:16.800,0:47:22.079
and youtube on twitch you can find us at

0:47:18.880,0:47:24.079
twitch.tv slash insights into things

0:47:22.079,0:47:25.359
if you are an amazon prime subscriber

0:47:24.079,0:47:26.800
you do get a free monthly

0:47:25.359,0:47:29.200
twitch prime subscription we’d

0:47:26.800,0:47:31.280
appreciate you throwing that our way

0:47:29.200,0:47:33.800
audio versions of this podcast can be

0:47:31.280,0:47:35.680
found on the web at

0:47:33.800,0:47:36.960
podcast.insightsintoteens.com

0:47:35.680,0:47:39.520
you can get us on facebook at

0:47:36.960,0:47:41.040
facebook.com insights into things

0:47:39.520,0:47:43.920
podcast

0:47:41.040,0:47:45.520
we are on instagram at instagram.com

0:47:43.920,0:47:46.240
insights into things or you can get

0:47:45.520,0:47:49.280
everything else

0:47:46.240,0:47:49.280
on our website at

0:47:49.880,0:47:53.599
http://www.insightsintothings.com

0:47:51.440,0:47:55.520
and you and don’t forget to check out

0:47:53.599,0:47:57.920
our other two podcasts insights and

0:47:55.520,0:47:58.559
entertainment hosted by you and mommy

0:47:57.920,0:48:00.800
and it’s

0:47:58.559,0:48:02.480
in tomorrow our monthly podcast hosted

0:48:00.800,0:48:04.000
by you and my brother sam

0:48:02.480,0:48:05.839
excellent i think that’s it i didn’t

0:48:04.000,0:48:07.359
screw up this week right yeah you didn’t

0:48:05.839,0:48:08.880
i think we were pretty error-free this

0:48:07.359,0:48:11.440
week didn’t we yeah pretty much

0:48:08.880,0:48:12.960
that never happens really that’s it for

0:48:11.440,0:48:20.380
this week another one in the books

0:48:12.960,0:48:29.840
bye everyone bye

0:48:20.380,0:48:29.840
[Music]

0:48:32.839,0:48:35.839
so

0:48:43.839,0:48:45.920
you

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