Insights Into Teens: Episode 109 “Insecurities”

[INTRO THEME]
[INTRODUCTIONS]
Insights Into Teens: Episode 109 “Insecurities”
My inspiring and wonderful co-host Madison Whalen

[Summary]
This week we are discussing insecurities. What is does it mean to be insecure? What type of insecurities are there? What are the signs of insecurity? We’ll discuss all this and take a look at how to deal with insecurity this week on Insights Into Teens

[Show Plugs]
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[TRANSITION]

[SEGMENT 1]

What does insecurity mean?
https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/signs-insecurity
https://bit.ly/3eELYkQ
Insecurity is a feeling of inadequacy (not being good enough) and uncertainty. It produces anxiety about your goals, relationships, and ability to handle certain situations.

Everybody deals with insecurity from time to time. It can appear in all areas of life and come from a variety of causes. It might stem from a traumatic event, patterns in previous experiences, social conducting(learn rules by observing others), or local environments.

     Types of Insecurities

Relationship Insecurity: One of the most common kinds of insecurity concerns relationships or “attachments.” Attachment theory originated out of the desire to connect the attachment patterns of early childhood to later relationship patterns and expectations. When a child’s “attachment figures,” often parents or guardians, aren’t reliably available and supportive, the child often feels insecure, forms of negative self-image and relationship models, and experiences greater emotional distress later in life. Relationship or attachment insecurities don’t need to begin in early childhood. They can arise wherever previous experience or personal identity undermines someone’s security in their closest relationships.

Job Insecurity: Job insecurity occurs when you are anxious about your continued employment or about the continuation of certain benefits attached to your employment. It can be triggered by anxiety over your own job performance or anxiety over factors beyond your control, such as the economy, industry trends, workplace conflict, or the danger of company restructuring or failure. High rates of unemployment and temporary work increase job insecurity on a national scale and contribute to widespread mental health problems.

Body Image Insecurity: A common source of insecurity is body image. Many people feel insecure about the way they look and question whether they measure up to an imposed ideal. There is no necessary connection between actual body health or appearance and body insecurity. People of all body types can experience this type of insecurity.

Social Insecurity: Another common type of insecurity surrounds the way we are perceived by our peers and the ease with which we interact with them. This insecurity can be a recurring, low-level problem or can blossom into full blown social anxiety or social phobia.

[AD1: SSE]

[SEGMENT 2]

Signs of Insecurity

Low or Superficial Self-Esteem: One sign of insecurity is low-self esteem or negative self-image, particularly when that image seems to be inconsistent with external observation. Low self-esteem means you think badly about yourself or your abilities.It can lead to other problems, especially concerning mental health. Because the measurement of self-esteem generally relies on self-report, insecurity can lead to superficial self-esteem. People with insecurities often want to appear secure. Deliberate self-misrepresentation or false behavior/information on social media can also be a sign of social anxiety. The act of faking then reinforces the social insecurity.

Perfectionism: The inability to be satisfied with progress and need to control and refine projects until they’re perfect can be a sign of insecurity. It stems from the sensation that you or your performance is never enough. It can appear as a manifestation of insecurity in any area of life but is frequently found in cases of job insecurity and body insecurity. Eating disorders, for example, often appear along with both harmful perfectionism and attachment insecurities.

Self-Isolation: Social insecurity can lead people to avoid social interactions, isolating themselves. Sometimes these people prefer to interact virtually in internet situations they feel they can control.

Anxious or Avoidant: Attachment insecurities often result in problematic attachment styles, or dysfunctional approaches to relationships. The two most common are anxious or avoidant attachments. Anxious attachment styles are characterized by emotional dependence(relying on someone else for your emotional well-being), a fear of being alone, and fantasies of perfect relationships that can never be fulfilled. Avoidant attachments styles also stem from insecurity but go in the other direction. People with this style tend to keep relationships superficial and disengage from more intimate connections.

Poor Job Performance: Job insecurity (not having a stable job) can work to motivate some people, but it more often results in poorer performances. It can lead to you avoiding work, wanting to change jobs after you started one, disengagement from colleagues and in group projects, and poor work attitudes.

Depression or Anxiety: All types of insecurity can lead to decreased mental wellness. Depressive or anxious behavior or thinking is often an effect of insecurity, particularly when that insecurity produces or is accompanied by wrong beliefs and patterns of thought.

[AD2: ENTERTAINMENT]

[SEGMENT 3]

How to deal with insecurity.

Occasional insecurity is a natural part of life. For deeper and more longer-lasting feelings of insecurity, however, professional therapists can help you sort through your emotions and develop strategies of life. In dealing with insecurity, here are a couple of helpful tips to keep in mind.

Social Networks Matter: Broad and meaningful social networks – friendships, relationships with co-workers, and more – help to lessen both insecurity and its negative effects. There’s an inverse correlation between healthy social networks and insecure attachment styles. Having a wide circle of friends and many close connections allows you to develop the tools and confidence to engage in deeper relationships.

Trust takes practice: While having an overly trusting behavior creates its own problems, ask yourself if you have any reason to distrust expressions of affection or liking from others. People with insecurities sometimes express doubt and and perceive rejection in everything from partner relationships to new acquaintances. These expressions can be self-fulfilling. Practice taking displays of interest at face value, something that can be easier in more casual relationships. You can build up the confidence to accept deeper affection and intimacy.

[TRANSITION]

[CLOSE]
Closing thoughts shoutouts
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[OUTRO AND CREDITS]

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[Music]

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insightful podcasts

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[Music]

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by informative hosts

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[Music]

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insights into things a podcast network

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[Music]

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welcome to insights into teens a podcast

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series exploring the issues and

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challenges of today’s youth

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your hosts are joseph and madison whalen

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a father and daughter team

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making their way through the challenges

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of the teenage years

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[Applause]

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welcome to insights into teens this is

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episode 109

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insecurities i’m your host joseph whalen

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and my inspiring and wonderful co-host

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madison whalen

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hi everyone how you doing today maddie

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i’m doing all right how about you

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i’m doing okay how was your uh week so

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far it’s been going all right

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um kind of started off tuesday with

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pretty much a quiz in every subject but

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um

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things have been kind of um calming down

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so far so that’s good well at least we

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can start a week off like that it can’t

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help but get better right

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yeah so that’s one thing you did do

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something interesting uh

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last night though what’d you do tell us

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about that uh

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um i actually went to the first

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rehearsals

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for uh marching band and how’d that go

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it went well uh we kind of did some

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visuals

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on how and commands on

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kind of like what um they talk about

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when

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they’re marching and playing um and then

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we got to play some of the music that i

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had played with my

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with my band teacher um and then we kind

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of just closed everything out

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cool so is it something you think you’re

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going to stick with for a little while

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for now at least i’ll kind of see how

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the rest of it goes and

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you know okay but that’s not what we’re

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talking about this week

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this week we’re talking about

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insecurities

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what does it mean to be insecure what

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type of insecurities are there

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what are the signs of insecurity we’ll

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discuss all this and we’ll take a look

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at how to deal with insecurity

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in this week’s episode of insights into

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teens

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but before we do that though i would

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invite folks to subscribe to the podcast

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are we ready to get started why not all

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right

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[Music]

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so the first thing we should do i guess

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is what we normally do and that’s define

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what we’re talking about here and

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today’s definition

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uh was found by you you did the research

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for today’s topic

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and you used webmd for this one so why

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don’t you tell us

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what does insecurity mean insecurity is

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a feeling

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of inadequacy or not being good enough

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and uncertainty it produces anxiety

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about your goals relationships and

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ability to

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to handle certain situations everybody

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deals with insecurity from time to time

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it can appear in all areas of life and

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come from a variety of causes

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it might stem from a traumatic event

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patterns in previous experiences

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social conducting or learning

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or learn learning roles by observing

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others

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or local environments so with that in

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mind

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and before we get into any more of the

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specifics do you think you have any

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insecurities

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um i definitely think i have a few

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insecurities

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um would you like me to specify or

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only if you’re comfortable talking about

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it i mean i have

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um some pretty broad insecurities

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like um do i actually

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think i’m good enough to be in all the

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advanced classes or the academies or

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stuff like that relating to my academics

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that makes sense

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and you know i i’ll be honest i have my

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own insecurities

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um a lot of it has to do with body image

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obviously i’m a big guy i have been my

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whole life

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so there’s there’s social insecurities

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with that

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um probably my biggest insecurity is

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actually

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being in a crowd and having a

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conversation in a crowded room

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um and the reason for that is i have

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issues with hearing so when i’m in a

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crowded room and there’s a lot of voices

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going on it’s very difficult for me

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to distinguish one voice from another

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so you and i happen to be at a

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restaurant the restaurant happened to be

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loud

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and you were talking to me i’d have a

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very difficult time

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understanding what you were saying

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because it sort of blends into the

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to the background noise with my hearing

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issues

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so it makes me very insecure to be in

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a social environment like that so we all

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have

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everyone has insecurities of some form

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or another i think the biggest thing is

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identifying them and addressing them

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more than anything else but there are

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specific

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types of insecurities why don’t you tell

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us about

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what the specific types of insecurity

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are

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so the first type of insecurity that we

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have is called relationship insecurity

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one of the most common kinds of

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insecurity concerns relationships or

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attachments attachment theory originated

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out of the desire to connect the

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attachment patterns of early childhood

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to later relationship patterns

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and reliability available and supportive

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the child often feels insecure form

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forms of negative self-image and

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relationship models

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and experiences greater emotional

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distress later in life

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relationship or attachment issues don’t

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need to begin in early childhood

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they can arise wherever previous

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experience

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of or personal identity undermines

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someone’s security

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in their closest relationships so now do

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you think you

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suffer from based on that definition

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relationship insecurity

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i mean i’m pretty sure people have

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always kind of

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like i’m pretty sure plenty of people

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have had that instance where like

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you message with your one friend you

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text your friend

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something and they don’t respond in a

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few hours

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and you’re kind of wondering well do

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they not like me anymore

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is something going on like yeah i

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sometimes have that insecurity about

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some of my friends

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um uh i

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um i also don’t know if this pertains to

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like actual romantic relationships

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i’m guessing it does sure why wouldn’t

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it um

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um i definitely had my fair share of

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being insecure about

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well people my age are already kind of

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figuring out

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who they like and or even dating people

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and

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i’m here still not sure who

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or what i’m interested in uh and

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i really don’t know um

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what to make of it i’ve gotten a bit

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better and obs

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and accepting the fact that it’s fine to

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not

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know yet but there’s still always

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something like that in the back of my

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mind that well

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this person my age already has this

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figured out

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so yeah i’d say i have a bit of it you

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know

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i’ll give you a little bit of insider

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information

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nobody at the age of 14 has anything

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figured out

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it takes you you know i’m much older

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than that and i still don’t have

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everything figured out

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so don’t ever think that that’s that’s a

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factor there

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but at age 14 i don’t think you have

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anything to worry about

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i had relationship insecurity um

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most of the relationships i’ve ever been

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in i’ve had relationship insecurity but

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it didn’t stem from my partner so much

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as it stemmed from my own sense of

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self-worth

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and a lot of that stems back to the

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the body image issues i’ve had the

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insecurities i’ve had about that like

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you know

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why would this person want to be with me

0:09:31.839,0:09:38.080
you know when

0:09:33.440,0:09:40.240
i look the way that i do type thing and

0:09:38.080,0:09:41.600
you know sometimes that’s been an issue

0:09:40.240,0:09:42.720
in relationships that i’ve had in the

0:09:41.600,0:09:44.720
past

0:09:42.720,0:09:46.640
i’m very fortunate now that that you

0:09:44.720,0:09:50.399
know mommy

0:09:46.640,0:09:53.839
sees beyond the surface

0:09:50.399,0:09:56.160
you know the skin deep type thing uh and

0:09:53.839,0:09:56.880
and mommy sees you know the person

0:09:56.160,0:10:00.080
that’s

0:09:56.880,0:10:03.279
inside and no i didn’t need someone

0:10:00.080,0:10:05.920
um but

0:10:03.279,0:10:07.600
you know they they tell you you know

0:10:05.920,0:10:09.440
there’s there’s this that

0:10:07.600,0:10:11.920
phrase that people have a time that you

0:10:09.440,0:10:13.920
can’t judge a book by its cover

0:10:11.920,0:10:15.120
and and that’s true i mean the person

0:10:13.920,0:10:16.959
that you are you could be a

0:10:15.120,0:10:18.480
incredibly attractive beautiful person

0:10:16.959,0:10:19.920
on the outside but you could be rotten

0:10:18.480,0:10:21.920
to the core on the inside the way that

0:10:19.920,0:10:25.040
you treat other people and

0:10:21.920,0:10:26.240
you could be selfish or you could look

0:10:25.040,0:10:28.320
like an ogre like me

0:10:26.240,0:10:29.600
and be a pretty decent person on the

0:10:28.320,0:10:32.959
inside

0:10:29.600,0:10:33.519
uh it just you know it took finding

0:10:32.959,0:10:36.480
mommy

0:10:33.519,0:10:38.240
to to see that person on the inside

0:10:36.480,0:10:40.320
myself because i didn’t see that person

0:10:38.240,0:10:41.680
for a long time

0:10:40.320,0:10:42.959
so a lot of times the people that you’re

0:10:41.680,0:10:44.560
around can help you with your

0:10:42.959,0:10:46.160
insecurities

0:10:44.560,0:10:48.399
what’s the next type of insecurity we

0:10:46.160,0:10:50.480
have so the next one probably doesn’t

0:10:48.399,0:10:52.320
apply to many teens but

0:10:50.480,0:10:53.920
it can kind of be interpreted in

0:10:52.320,0:10:56.560
different ways i suppose

0:10:53.920,0:10:58.640
this one is job insecurity job

0:10:56.560,0:11:00.800
insecurity occurs when you are anxious

0:10:58.640,0:11:02.720
about your continued employment or about

0:11:00.800,0:11:04.640
the continuation of certain benefits

0:11:02.720,0:11:06.880
attached to your employment

0:11:04.640,0:11:09.120
it can be triggered by anxiety over your

0:11:06.880,0:11:10.880
own job performance or anxiety over

0:11:09.120,0:11:13.760
factors beyond your control

0:11:10.880,0:11:15.839
such as the economy industry trends

0:11:13.760,0:11:18.720
workplace conflict

0:11:15.839,0:11:19.680
or the danger of company restricting

0:11:18.720,0:11:22.959
restructuring

0:11:19.680,0:11:25.839
restructuring restructuring or failure

0:11:22.959,0:11:26.320
high rates of unemployment and temporary

0:11:25.839,0:11:29.839
work

0:11:26.320,0:11:32.160
increase job insecurity on net on a

0:11:29.839,0:11:34.160
national scale and contribute to

0:11:32.160,0:11:36.880
widespread mental health problems

0:11:34.160,0:11:38.320
and this is a big factor now because of

0:11:36.880,0:11:41.680
the way

0:11:38.320,0:11:43.600
um the pandemic has affected so many

0:11:41.680,0:11:46.079
businesses you’ve had so many businesses

0:11:43.600,0:11:48.320
especially in the service industry like

0:11:46.079,0:11:49.360
bars and restaurants that have had to

0:11:48.320,0:11:51.680
shut down

0:11:49.360,0:11:52.880
and as a result you have massive

0:11:51.680,0:11:55.120
unemployment i mean you’ve got

0:11:52.880,0:11:57.120
unemployment numbers that

0:11:55.120,0:11:59.680
have been approaching great depression

0:11:57.120,0:12:02.639
level unemployment

0:11:59.680,0:12:04.000
and it’s no fault of the employees you

0:12:02.639,0:12:04.959
know it’s not like you’re not doing your

0:12:04.000,0:12:06.720
job

0:12:04.959,0:12:08.000
but if the company itself can’t continue

0:12:06.720,0:12:10.560
to work

0:12:08.000,0:12:12.000
it’s going to be a problem mommy and i

0:12:10.560,0:12:12.959
have been very fortunate that our

0:12:12.000,0:12:15.279
companies have

0:12:12.959,0:12:17.839
not been as affected by the pandemic and

0:12:15.279,0:12:20.399
we’ve been able to continue working

0:12:17.839,0:12:22.079
mommy’s work um her company has allowed

0:12:20.399,0:12:26.320
her to work remotely

0:12:22.079,0:12:28.560
i’ve been going into the office but um

0:12:26.320,0:12:29.680
there’s always some level of insecurity

0:12:28.560,0:12:30.959
there

0:12:29.680,0:12:33.440
especially when you have a family to

0:12:30.959,0:12:36.000
take care of you know if

0:12:33.440,0:12:37.680
if if i didn’t have my job the biggest

0:12:36.000,0:12:38.240
concerns that i have are making sure

0:12:37.680,0:12:40.160
that

0:12:38.240,0:12:41.760
you know we’ve got a house we’ve got a

0:12:40.160,0:12:43.040
roof over our head we’ve got food on the

0:12:41.760,0:12:45.440
table

0:12:43.040,0:12:47.519
you start to think of those very basic

0:12:45.440,0:12:48.560
types of elements in environments like

0:12:47.519,0:12:50.800
this

0:12:48.560,0:12:52.160
where the luxuries and the nice to haves

0:12:50.800,0:12:53.839
become less important

0:12:52.160,0:12:56.320
and you start to appreciate the fact

0:12:53.839,0:12:58.160
that i can pay the mortgage

0:12:56.320,0:12:59.920
at the end of the month or i can go

0:12:58.160,0:13:01.839
grocery shopping and i can make sure we

0:12:59.920,0:13:04.880
have food

0:13:01.839,0:13:06.000
so that it’s a significant driver of

0:13:04.880,0:13:08.560
anxiety when you

0:13:06.000,0:13:09.360
have job insecurity especially in times

0:13:08.560,0:13:11.360
like now

0:13:09.360,0:13:13.440
yeah and i can actually kind of see an

0:13:11.360,0:13:16.959
indirect relation

0:13:13.440,0:13:20.079
to it with teens like

0:13:16.959,0:13:21.600
like there was a point um on monday

0:13:20.079,0:13:23.360
when you went in where mommy had

0:13:21.600,0:13:23.839
mentioned that you might be losing your

0:13:23.360,0:13:25.680
job

0:13:23.839,0:13:27.920
you say you’re coming around to the

0:13:25.680,0:13:29.200
point where you might have to look for

0:13:27.920,0:13:31.440
another job because

0:13:29.200,0:13:32.639
you might end up quitting or they might

0:13:31.440,0:13:35.760
end up firing you

0:13:32.639,0:13:38.880
right and i can definitely see teens

0:13:35.760,0:13:41.600
in similar situations like that worrying

0:13:38.880,0:13:42.959
about these larger issues of course

0:13:41.600,0:13:44.480
they’re probably not worrying about

0:13:42.959,0:13:47.120
whether they’re gonna work then

0:13:44.480,0:13:48.639
go to work the next day or if they um

0:13:47.120,0:13:51.519
need to leave work

0:13:48.639,0:13:53.519
but more or less the effects of one of

0:13:51.519,0:13:56.160
their parents or relatives

0:13:53.519,0:13:57.040
or guardians leaving work and how it

0:13:56.160,0:13:59.040
will

0:13:57.040,0:14:00.480
affect their lifestyle in a way

0:13:59.040,0:14:03.920
absolutely i remember

0:14:00.480,0:14:05.120
as a kid my father had retired from one

0:14:03.920,0:14:06.959
job

0:14:05.120,0:14:09.040
and he started working another job

0:14:06.959,0:14:12.079
because we just didn’t have the income

0:14:09.040,0:14:14.880
to not have him work and

0:14:12.079,0:14:16.240
they wound up letting him go at the job

0:14:14.880,0:14:18.079
and there was a significant

0:14:16.240,0:14:19.279
amount of worry about whether or not we

0:14:18.079,0:14:22.240
were going to continue

0:14:19.279,0:14:23.920
to be able to live where we were or

0:14:22.240,0:14:26.240
we’re going to have to move in with

0:14:23.920,0:14:27.680
other family until we got back on our

0:14:26.240,0:14:29.519
feet and

0:14:27.680,0:14:31.440
and a lot of that stuff it’s it’s very

0:14:29.519,0:14:33.120
scary for kids for me at that point it

0:14:31.440,0:14:34.800
was like okay well if

0:14:33.120,0:14:37.120
if we can’t afford to keep the house

0:14:34.800,0:14:39.760
because we were renting at the time

0:14:37.120,0:14:41.519
then we’re going to move in with

0:14:39.760,0:14:42.959
grandmom and grandpa

0:14:41.519,0:14:44.320
well they live in a completely different

0:14:42.959,0:14:46.000
town which means i have to go to a

0:14:44.320,0:14:49.600
different school now and i have to

0:14:46.000,0:14:53.040
go through all that process and

0:14:49.600,0:14:54.720
you experience anxiety and stress but

0:14:53.040,0:14:56.160
it’s different than the anxiety and

0:14:54.720,0:14:58.720
stress that the adults are

0:14:56.160,0:15:00.480
experiencing but it’s no less real for

0:14:58.720,0:15:01.279
you as a teenager either because it does

0:15:00.480,0:15:04.320
have a

0:15:01.279,0:15:05.920
direct impact on you yeah so that’s

0:15:04.320,0:15:08.240
that’s important to keep it

0:15:05.920,0:15:09.360
in mind what’s our next type of

0:15:08.240,0:15:11.360
insecurity

0:15:09.360,0:15:13.600
the next type of insecurity is one

0:15:11.360,0:15:16.480
you’ve already mentioned

0:15:13.600,0:15:18.320
body image insecurity a common source of

0:15:16.480,0:15:20.240
insecurity is body image

0:15:18.320,0:15:21.839
many people feel insecure about the way

0:15:20.240,0:15:24.320
they look and question whether they

0:15:21.839,0:15:26.320
measure up to an imposed ideal

0:15:24.320,0:15:27.360
there is no necessary connection between

0:15:26.320,0:15:29.360
actual body

0:15:27.360,0:15:30.720
body health or appearance and body

0:15:29.360,0:15:32.720
insecurity

0:15:30.720,0:15:35.360
people of all body types can experience

0:15:32.720,0:15:37.120
this type of insecurity

0:15:35.360,0:15:39.360
i’d like to think i’ve kind of grown

0:15:37.120,0:15:41.120
past my insecurities here it’s been to

0:15:39.360,0:15:43.360
the it’s to the point now where

0:15:41.120,0:15:44.320
i’m kind of setting my way so as long as

0:15:43.360,0:15:47.120
i’m

0:15:44.320,0:15:48.079
healthy i think i’m happy i don’t think

0:15:47.120,0:15:51.759
i have some

0:15:48.079,0:15:56.320
unrealistic unrealistic expectation

0:15:51.759,0:15:57.519
that i’m going to be 230 pounds and slim

0:15:56.320,0:16:01.360
and

0:15:57.519,0:16:04.560
athletic at any point in time in my life

0:16:01.360,0:16:07.920
um and there comes a point when

0:16:04.560,0:16:10.079
people make fun of you long enough

0:16:07.920,0:16:11.839
because of the way you look

0:16:10.079,0:16:13.120
that it just stops bothering you at some

0:16:11.839,0:16:16.639
point and

0:16:13.120,0:16:19.120
and i came to that realization

0:16:16.639,0:16:22.160
probably 10 years ago you know there

0:16:19.120,0:16:23.839
wasn’t any specific

0:16:22.160,0:16:25.839
incident where it happened but it was

0:16:23.839,0:16:28.000
just like yeah i’m fat

0:16:25.839,0:16:29.600
i get it thanks for pointing it out you

0:16:28.000,0:16:31.279
know if things don’t work out with your

0:16:29.600,0:16:34.399
current job you can be a

0:16:31.279,0:16:37.199
detective for figuring that one out and

0:16:34.399,0:16:40.880
you just move on um

0:16:37.199,0:16:41.519
but for teens it can be overwhelming i

0:16:40.880,0:16:43.839
have to

0:16:41.519,0:16:46.240
imagine it was for me when i was a teen

0:16:43.839,0:16:48.000
because everyone looked at you

0:16:46.240,0:16:49.519
because of the way that you looked and

0:16:48.000,0:16:51.600
they still do you know

0:16:49.519,0:16:53.440
teens can be very mean when it comes to

0:16:51.600,0:16:55.759
your appearance

0:16:53.440,0:16:57.279
um do you have any have you had any

0:16:55.759,0:17:01.040
experience with

0:16:57.279,0:17:02.480
with body shaming or insecurities around

0:17:01.040,0:17:05.199
you know the way you look the way you

0:17:02.480,0:17:06.959
dress your hair or anything like that

0:17:05.199,0:17:08.240
i mean i don’t think i’ve directly

0:17:06.959,0:17:11.600
experienced people

0:17:08.240,0:17:14.640
saying that i well shaming me for how

0:17:11.600,0:17:17.039
i look but i can definitely say that

0:17:14.640,0:17:19.199
there are instances where i kind of look

0:17:17.039,0:17:22.559
in the mirror and i think

0:17:19.199,0:17:24.160
well you know maybe if things looked a

0:17:22.559,0:17:27.199
little differently i’d be

0:17:24.160,0:17:30.240
a little more a little bit better

0:17:27.199,0:17:33.760
of course um being a teen

0:17:30.240,0:17:36.480
some other stuff’s normal like

0:17:33.760,0:17:37.840
pimples i really can’t um right you

0:17:36.480,0:17:41.280
can’t avoid that

0:17:37.840,0:17:45.039
yeah um but pimples have somewhat

0:17:41.280,0:17:48.000
become an insecurity for me um

0:17:45.039,0:17:49.120
and although i’m more than likely not

0:17:48.000,0:17:51.840
overweight

0:17:49.120,0:17:53.200
um there are some times where i kind of

0:17:51.840,0:17:57.039
wish i was a little

0:17:53.200,0:18:00.160
thinner uh like i have

0:17:57.039,0:18:03.360
um a sizable stomach

0:18:00.160,0:18:05.520
um uh but and

0:18:03.360,0:18:06.880
a lot of times i really don’t like

0:18:05.520,0:18:10.640
admitting it so

0:18:06.880,0:18:12.480
i really kind of try hiding it sometimes

0:18:10.640,0:18:14.400
one of the main one of the reasons i

0:18:12.480,0:18:16.240
actually wear hoodies is

0:18:14.400,0:18:17.760
um because it makes me think i’m a

0:18:16.240,0:18:22.080
little skinnier but

0:18:17.760,0:18:25.440
i don’t really i don’t think i have it

0:18:22.080,0:18:27.280
as bad of an of a body insecurity as

0:18:25.440,0:18:29.360
other people do

0:18:27.280,0:18:32.160
like sometimes i accept the fact that

0:18:29.360,0:18:35.039
i’m like okay i look this way

0:18:32.160,0:18:36.720
oh well um i just try to fix myself up

0:18:35.039,0:18:40.320
as best i can

0:18:36.720,0:18:42.000
um but this i can definitely say the

0:18:40.320,0:18:45.360
insecurities there it’s just

0:18:42.000,0:18:48.480
not as prominent as

0:18:45.360,0:18:50.160
others probably have it yeah and a lot

0:18:48.480,0:18:52.080
of times it’s self-imposed

0:18:50.160,0:18:55.039
it’s not necessarily something that

0:18:52.080,0:18:58.160
society imposes on you

0:18:55.039,0:19:00.080
more often than not we’re our own worst

0:18:58.160,0:19:01.919
critics right you know we look at

0:19:00.080,0:19:04.720
ourselves in the mirror every day and

0:19:01.919,0:19:05.760
we make a judgment call every day do i

0:19:04.720,0:19:09.280
need to brush my hair

0:19:05.760,0:19:10.400
different do i need to uh wear different

0:19:09.280,0:19:13.039
clothes

0:19:10.400,0:19:15.280
does this you know does this shirt make

0:19:13.039,0:19:17.280
me do these pants make me look fat

0:19:15.280,0:19:19.200
and my conclusion usually is no my fat

0:19:17.280,0:19:20.799
makes me look fat but

0:19:19.200,0:19:22.720
that’s why i stopped worrying about it

0:19:20.799,0:19:24.559
you know there’s only so much

0:19:22.720,0:19:26.160
i only have so much to work with here so

0:19:24.559,0:19:27.760
there’s only so much i can do so you

0:19:26.160,0:19:29.440
kind of have to accept

0:19:27.760,0:19:30.799
what you’ve got and you and you work

0:19:29.440,0:19:33.280
with it you can’t

0:19:30.799,0:19:35.200
beat yourself up about it yeah what’s

0:19:33.280,0:19:37.679
the last insecurity we have

0:19:35.200,0:19:38.799
the last insecurity is called social

0:19:37.679,0:19:40.720
insecurity

0:19:38.799,0:19:43.039
another common type of insecurity

0:19:40.720,0:19:44.080
surrounds the way that we are perceived

0:19:43.039,0:19:47.200
by our

0:19:44.080,0:19:48.000
peers at the ease with which we interact

0:19:47.200,0:19:50.320
with them

0:19:48.000,0:19:52.640
this insecurity can be a reoccurring

0:19:50.320,0:19:55.120
low-level problem or can blossom into

0:19:52.640,0:19:56.160
full-blown social anxiety or social

0:19:55.120,0:19:58.080
phobia

0:19:56.160,0:19:59.840
now this is that’s a very good point

0:19:58.080,0:20:02.559
about the social phobia here is that you

0:19:59.840,0:20:04.880
have people that

0:20:02.559,0:20:06.080
they have to interact with people but

0:20:04.880,0:20:09.760
they have this crippling

0:20:06.080,0:20:12.720
fear of doing so um

0:20:09.760,0:20:14.320
i don’t interact with people all that

0:20:12.720,0:20:16.559
much

0:20:14.320,0:20:19.280
i don’t like people and it’s nothing

0:20:16.559,0:20:23.840
personal it’s just that

0:20:19.280,0:20:26.159
i deal with people a lot with my job and

0:20:23.840,0:20:28.000
all of my patience in dealing with

0:20:26.159,0:20:29.520
people goes into that so when i get out

0:20:28.000,0:20:31.600
of work

0:20:29.520,0:20:32.799
i’m really not a particularly social

0:20:31.600,0:20:34.799
individual

0:20:32.799,0:20:36.799
part of it has to do with the hearing

0:20:34.799,0:20:37.760
insecurity part of it has to do with the

0:20:36.799,0:20:43.120
body image

0:20:37.760,0:20:45.360
insecurity part of it has to do with

0:20:43.120,0:20:47.520
my interest and the things that i like

0:20:45.360,0:20:50.159
and can talk about

0:20:47.520,0:20:51.440
are not anywhere near the same kind of

0:20:50.159,0:20:53.120
categories that

0:20:51.440,0:20:55.919
other people that i would interact with

0:20:53.120,0:20:57.840
like i’m not a sports person

0:20:55.919,0:20:59.520
you know i’ll watch football or this or

0:20:57.840,0:21:01.600
that

0:20:59.520,0:21:03.120
but i’m not the type of person that can

0:21:01.600,0:21:05.360
go to a party and

0:21:03.120,0:21:06.159
and sit in a room full of guys and talk

0:21:05.360,0:21:08.960
about

0:21:06.159,0:21:10.720
football and and this athlete and the

0:21:08.960,0:21:12.320
draft and all that stuff it doesn’t work

0:21:10.720,0:21:15.360
for me

0:21:12.320,0:21:19.360
um i’m a technology guy i’m a

0:21:15.360,0:21:22.559
i watch documentaries primarily on tv so

0:21:19.360,0:21:24.320
i’m pretty boring so

0:21:22.559,0:21:25.919
it’s difficult for people for me to

0:21:24.320,0:21:28.080
interact with people like that because

0:21:25.919,0:21:32.159
not that many people are as boring as i

0:21:28.080,0:21:33.600
am um and that’s the the honest truth

0:21:32.159,0:21:36.799
about it

0:21:33.600,0:21:38.720
now do you do you experience social

0:21:36.799,0:21:42.159
insecurities on any level

0:21:38.720,0:21:43.679
i mean in certain ways yes um i wouldn’t

0:21:42.159,0:21:46.159
say that i’m a

0:21:43.679,0:21:47.840
full-blown introvert or that i have

0:21:46.159,0:21:49.679
social anxiety

0:21:47.840,0:21:51.840
but i definitely experience a lot of

0:21:49.679,0:21:54.960
things that introverts typically do

0:21:51.840,0:21:58.240
like i don’t really go outside that much

0:21:54.960,0:21:59.280
nobody does now i mean yeah before the

0:21:58.240,0:22:02.320
pandemic

0:21:59.280,0:22:04.640
i should say um before the pandemic i

0:22:02.320,0:22:07.760
never really went outside that often

0:22:04.640,0:22:09.679
i only really spoke with friends and i

0:22:07.760,0:22:13.120
rarely ever made new ones

0:22:09.679,0:22:16.080
um and for the most part i kind of

0:22:13.120,0:22:17.600
kept to myself um i didn’t hate

0:22:16.080,0:22:20.960
interacting with people

0:22:17.600,0:22:23.039
um uh i could definitely socialize with

0:22:20.960,0:22:24.320
people especially if there was a topic

0:22:23.039,0:22:27.280
that i could talk about

0:22:24.320,0:22:27.679
because you know how i can monologue and

0:22:27.280,0:22:30.240
that

0:22:27.679,0:22:32.000
kind of gets and that gets conversations

0:22:30.240,0:22:35.440
going pretty quickly

0:22:32.000,0:22:37.640
um but i still had issue

0:22:35.440,0:22:39.039
but my main issue was starting

0:22:37.640,0:22:40.559
conversations

0:22:39.039,0:22:42.320
i was never really able to make the

0:22:40.559,0:22:43.039
first move when it came to talking to

0:22:42.320,0:22:45.919
people

0:22:43.039,0:22:46.159
and there were very few instances where

0:22:45.919,0:22:49.600
i

0:22:46.159,0:22:52.400
actually was the one that um

0:22:49.600,0:22:54.400
spoke first when meeting my one friend i

0:22:52.400,0:22:56.320
did end up speaking first but when me

0:22:54.400,0:22:57.840
eating another one of my friends i ended

0:22:56.320,0:23:01.520
up speaking first

0:22:57.840,0:23:02.720
it was kind of i know i can talk to

0:23:01.520,0:23:04.880
people

0:23:02.720,0:23:07.039
it’s just i don’t have much experience

0:23:04.880,0:23:08.880
with starting the conversations

0:23:07.039,0:23:11.039
if they can start up if they start the

0:23:08.880,0:23:13.520
conversations i’ll typically be

0:23:11.039,0:23:15.200
fine especially if they do mention a

0:23:13.520,0:23:19.280
topic that i know

0:23:15.200,0:23:23.679
and can talk about for hours on end um

0:23:19.280,0:23:25.440
so overall i’m an ambivert

0:23:23.679,0:23:27.280
so maybe what you need is you need like

0:23:25.440,0:23:28.880
a cheat sheet of topics

0:23:27.280,0:23:30.880
that you walk around with so that you

0:23:28.880,0:23:32.400
can figure out a topic that you can

0:23:30.880,0:23:33.120
start a conversation with and that’ll

0:23:32.400,0:23:36.159
get you going

0:23:33.120,0:23:37.360
yeah that’s just the thing um i never

0:23:36.159,0:23:40.960
entirely know how

0:23:37.360,0:23:41.520
full-on extroverts start conversations

0:23:40.960,0:23:44.000
like

0:23:41.520,0:23:46.000
i don’t know which conversation would be

0:23:44.000,0:23:46.720
best for which kind of person and in

0:23:46.000,0:23:50.159
which kind of

0:23:46.720,0:23:53.679
instance and it’s kind of like i kind of

0:23:50.159,0:23:54.960
take it into more of like a strategic

0:23:53.679,0:23:56.880
level in a way

0:23:54.960,0:23:58.799
and i kind of wonder how extroverts are

0:23:56.880,0:24:00.080
able to start conversations pretty

0:23:58.799,0:24:03.679
easily

0:24:00.080,0:24:06.240
and it makes me kind of wonder like

0:24:03.679,0:24:07.679
what goes into it so maybe then what you

0:24:06.240,0:24:10.640
need is you need

0:24:07.679,0:24:12.240
your cheat sheet of topics and a die and

0:24:10.640,0:24:13.760
you roll the die and whatever number

0:24:12.240,0:24:14.480
comes up that’s the topic you’re going

0:24:13.760,0:24:17.840
with

0:24:14.480,0:24:19.440
maybe i don’t know just a thought

0:24:17.840,0:24:20.480
anyway we’re gonna take a quick break

0:24:19.440,0:24:22.240
and we’re gonna come back and we’re

0:24:20.480,0:24:33.039
gonna look at what some of the signs

0:24:22.240,0:24:36.080
of insecurity are

0:24:33.039,0:24:38.799
for over seven years the second sith

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0:25:29.910,0:25:36.880
[Music]

0:25:34.799,0:25:38.360
welcome back to insights into teens

0:25:36.880,0:25:40.880
today we’re talking about

0:25:38.360,0:25:42.559
insecurities and what are the signs of

0:25:40.880,0:25:44.080
insecurities

0:25:42.559,0:25:47.919
so the first one we have to talk about

0:25:44.080,0:25:49.600
here is low or superficial self-esteem

0:25:47.919,0:25:52.640
one sign of insecurity is low

0:25:49.600,0:25:54.960
self-esteem or negative self-image

0:25:52.640,0:25:56.080
particularly when that image seems to be

0:25:54.960,0:25:58.880
inconsistent

0:25:56.080,0:25:59.760
with external observation low

0:25:58.880,0:26:02.080
self-esteem

0:25:59.760,0:26:03.760
means you think badly about yourself or

0:26:02.080,0:26:05.840
your abilities

0:26:03.760,0:26:08.080
it can lead to other problems especially

0:26:05.840,0:26:10.159
concerning mental health

0:26:08.080,0:26:12.880
because the measurement of self-esteem

0:26:10.159,0:26:15.360
generally relies on self-report

0:26:12.880,0:26:16.960
insecurity can lead to superficial

0:26:15.360,0:26:19.120
self-esteem

0:26:16.960,0:26:20.880
people with insecurities often want to

0:26:19.120,0:26:24.240
appear secure

0:26:20.880,0:26:27.279
deliberate misrepresentation or false

0:26:24.240,0:26:30.480
behavior or information on social media

0:26:27.279,0:26:33.520
can also be a sign of social anxiety

0:26:30.480,0:26:35.679
the act of faking then reinforces the

0:26:33.520,0:26:38.720
social insecurity

0:26:35.679,0:26:40.320
so in this case here i would probably

0:26:38.720,0:26:43.440
say that i definitely suffer

0:26:40.320,0:26:45.120
from a certain amount of social

0:26:43.440,0:26:47.120
insecurity when it comes to the

0:26:45.120,0:26:48.480
superficial self-esteem because a lot of

0:26:47.120,0:26:50.799
times

0:26:48.480,0:26:52.080
you see even what i’m doing here in the

0:26:50.799,0:26:54.080
podcast here is a little bit of

0:26:52.080,0:26:54.880
self-deprecating humor to kind of break

0:26:54.080,0:26:57.360
the ice and

0:26:54.880,0:26:58.240
and ease into things you know while

0:26:57.360,0:27:01.120
still

0:26:58.240,0:27:02.480
staying on topic do you think that any

0:27:01.120,0:27:05.360
of your securities

0:27:02.480,0:27:06.159
have led to or been caused by a low or

0:27:05.360,0:27:10.159
superficial

0:27:06.159,0:27:12.640
self-esteem probably yeah um

0:27:10.159,0:27:13.760
there are certain parts of me where i

0:27:12.640,0:27:16.480
know that i’m

0:27:13.760,0:27:19.120
good in certain things but then there’s

0:27:16.480,0:27:21.440
always that one part of me that’s like

0:27:19.120,0:27:23.279
well what if you’re not and that’s

0:27:21.440,0:27:25.840
probably the part of me that

0:27:23.279,0:27:27.440
causes most of my insecurities i can

0:27:25.840,0:27:29.600
also kind of relate to the feeling of

0:27:27.440,0:27:34.640
wanting to appear secure

0:27:29.600,0:27:37.200
like i don’t really

0:27:34.640,0:27:39.600
i don’t really try and hide my

0:27:37.200,0:27:41.120
insecurities that often it’s just i

0:27:39.600,0:27:44.320
really don’t talk

0:27:41.120,0:27:46.360
to people about it that often and it’s

0:27:44.320,0:27:48.480
not like it’s ever really come up in

0:27:46.360,0:27:50.799
conversations and

0:27:48.480,0:27:53.120
even on the podcast when i have talked

0:27:50.799,0:27:55.120
about my insecurities

0:27:53.120,0:27:56.960
they really haven’t gone i really

0:27:55.120,0:27:59.760
haven’t gone too much in depth

0:27:56.960,0:28:00.840
right like there’s a part of me that’s

0:27:59.760,0:28:04.159
like

0:28:00.840,0:28:05.440
um that’s like wanting to get it out but

0:28:04.159,0:28:07.760
also there’s all

0:28:05.440,0:28:09.120
there’s the other part of me that’s like

0:28:07.760,0:28:11.039
they probably don’t want to hear about

0:28:09.120,0:28:13.360
your problem so you can probably just

0:28:11.039,0:28:15.200
forget about it well and i think there’s

0:28:13.360,0:28:16.000
another aspect of that where it’s the

0:28:15.200,0:28:18.240
vulnerability

0:28:16.000,0:28:19.200
of it you know talking about your

0:28:18.240,0:28:22.559
insecurities

0:28:19.200,0:28:25.200
and the things that bother you

0:28:22.559,0:28:26.240
requires you to let down your guard and

0:28:25.200,0:28:29.440
it requires you

0:28:26.240,0:28:32.559
to make yourself vulnerable and our

0:28:29.440,0:28:34.960
human instinct is to sort of

0:28:32.559,0:28:38.000
put up our our hands and to defend

0:28:34.960,0:28:40.960
ourselves when we feel vulnerable right

0:28:38.000,0:28:42.799
so that that need to drop those defenses

0:28:40.960,0:28:44.080
in order to talk about it’s probably one

0:28:42.799,0:28:45.600
of the things that’s causing some

0:28:44.080,0:28:48.760
resistance as well

0:28:45.600,0:28:50.320
yeah the next thing they talk about is

0:28:48.760,0:28:52.480
perfectionism

0:28:50.320,0:28:53.360
the inability to be satisfied with

0:28:52.480,0:28:56.480
progress

0:28:53.360,0:28:58.559
and need to control and refine projects

0:28:56.480,0:29:00.159
until they’re perfect can be a sign of

0:28:58.559,0:29:02.880
insecurity

0:29:00.159,0:29:05.600
it stems from the sensation that you or

0:29:02.880,0:29:07.840
your performance is never enough

0:29:05.600,0:29:08.880
it could appear as a manifestation of

0:29:07.840,0:29:11.679
insecurity

0:29:08.880,0:29:12.080
in any area of life but is frequently

0:29:11.679,0:29:14.640
found

0:29:12.080,0:29:16.159
in cases of job insecurity and body

0:29:14.640,0:29:18.480
insecurity

0:29:16.159,0:29:20.399
eating disorders for example often

0:29:18.480,0:29:22.080
appear along with both harmful

0:29:20.399,0:29:25.279
perfectionism

0:29:22.080,0:29:27.120
and attachment insecurities now i have

0:29:25.279,0:29:28.640
to ask

0:29:27.120,0:29:31.200
because i don’t think this applies to me

0:29:28.640,0:29:32.399
because there’s nothing that i do that i

0:29:31.200,0:29:34.960
strive for perfection

0:29:32.399,0:29:36.399
and my motto is good enough is good

0:29:34.960,0:29:39.520
enough

0:29:36.399,0:29:41.279
but you on the other hand are tend to be

0:29:39.520,0:29:43.279
a bit of a perfectionist in some of the

0:29:41.279,0:29:46.880
things that you work on

0:29:43.279,0:29:49.919
do you think that that is an

0:29:46.880,0:29:52.399
example of insecurity or is that just

0:29:49.919,0:29:54.399
your ability to excel at the things that

0:29:52.399,0:29:57.520
you try to do

0:29:54.399,0:29:58.320
a bit of both i guess okay um i

0:29:57.520,0:30:01.200
definitely always

0:29:58.320,0:30:02.960
try and succeed whenever i do become a

0:30:01.200,0:30:06.799
perfectionist

0:30:02.960,0:30:11.159
but in some of those instances um

0:30:06.799,0:30:14.880
i have been known to be

0:30:11.159,0:30:18.080
unsatisfied even if my work was

0:30:14.880,0:30:20.000
good enough and satisfactory and

0:30:18.080,0:30:22.000
a lot of times i try pushing myself

0:30:20.000,0:30:24.720
further and

0:30:22.000,0:30:25.200
sometimes i’m just never satisfied and

0:30:24.720,0:30:28.159
i’m

0:30:25.200,0:30:29.679
trying to get better i have gotten a

0:30:28.159,0:30:32.960
little better but

0:30:29.679,0:30:35.600
still not exactly perfect if

0:30:32.960,0:30:36.000
you get what i’m saying well and that’s

0:30:35.600,0:30:39.039
the thing

0:30:36.000,0:30:40.640
i mean the the desire to drive yourself

0:30:39.039,0:30:43.840
to be better

0:30:40.640,0:30:44.640
isn’t a bad thing unless it gets out of

0:30:43.840,0:30:46.799
control

0:30:44.640,0:30:48.000
yeah and i think they’re talking about

0:30:46.799,0:30:50.399
here that

0:30:48.000,0:30:52.240
this is when it gets out of control

0:30:50.399,0:30:52.799
where you’re trying to control things

0:30:52.240,0:30:54.799
that you

0:30:52.799,0:30:56.159
can’t control or probably shouldn’t

0:30:54.799,0:30:58.320
control

0:30:56.159,0:30:59.679
in order to compensate for those

0:30:58.320,0:31:01.360
insecurities

0:30:59.679,0:31:03.279
i don’t think that’s where you’re at

0:31:01.360,0:31:05.840
though i think you

0:31:03.279,0:31:07.600
you want to succeed because you you like

0:31:05.840,0:31:10.480
success

0:31:07.600,0:31:11.519
and that’s probably the best motivator

0:31:10.480,0:31:15.039
out there

0:31:11.519,0:31:16.480
yeah but the times when i don’t entirely

0:31:15.039,0:31:18.159
succeed

0:31:16.480,0:31:20.559
is really one when those insecurities

0:31:18.159,0:31:22.159
kind of set in absolutely you are very

0:31:20.559,0:31:25.360
rough on yourself when you don’t meet

0:31:22.159,0:31:25.360
your own expectations

0:31:25.640,0:31:29.360
self-isolation is the next thing they

0:31:28.159,0:31:31.919
mention

0:31:29.360,0:31:34.320
social insecurity can lead people to

0:31:31.919,0:31:36.880
avoid social interactions

0:31:34.320,0:31:39.120
isolating themselves sometimes these

0:31:36.880,0:31:42.080
people prefer to interact virtually

0:31:39.120,0:31:43.760
in internet situations they feel they

0:31:42.080,0:31:47.039
can control now this one i’m

0:31:43.760,0:31:50.320
i i raise my hand and i plead

0:31:47.039,0:31:52.720
guilty on this one because

0:31:50.320,0:31:53.919
i tend to self-isolate largely because

0:31:52.720,0:31:57.279
of my social

0:31:53.919,0:31:59.200
insecurities and

0:31:57.279,0:32:00.960
other people have suffered as a result

0:31:59.200,0:32:03.840
of this for instance

0:32:00.960,0:32:04.640
you know mommy’s much more social than i

0:32:03.840,0:32:07.840
am

0:32:04.640,0:32:10.240
and early on in our relationship

0:32:07.840,0:32:12.399
my insecurities and inability to

0:32:10.240,0:32:15.519
interact

0:32:12.399,0:32:17.440
functionally in a social environment

0:32:15.519,0:32:18.960
meant that we didn’t do a lot of the

0:32:17.440,0:32:21.279
things that mommy wanted to do

0:32:18.960,0:32:23.679
or she would have to do them on her own

0:32:21.279,0:32:26.559
and i would stay home

0:32:23.679,0:32:28.159
so one of the things you have to watch

0:32:26.559,0:32:30.000
out for here is the effect that it’s

0:32:28.159,0:32:31.760
having on other people

0:32:30.000,0:32:33.840
do you feel i mean you mentioned that

0:32:31.760,0:32:35.519
you don’t go out much or didn’t go out

0:32:33.840,0:32:38.799
much before the pandemic do you

0:32:35.519,0:32:41.519
feel that you’re self-isolating as a

0:32:38.799,0:32:44.880
result of insecurities or is it

0:32:41.519,0:32:47.600
something else entirely i mean

0:32:44.880,0:32:49.600
i actually don’t think i can entirely

0:32:47.600,0:32:51.039
relate to self-isolation despite the

0:32:49.600,0:32:54.240
fact that i never really went

0:32:51.039,0:32:56.159
out much i still interacted with friends

0:32:54.240,0:32:58.000
especially at school and there were

0:32:56.159,0:32:59.600
instances where i would visit my friends

0:32:58.000,0:33:01.760
on the weekends

0:32:59.600,0:33:03.039
um so i wouldn’t really say that this

0:33:01.760,0:33:06.320
entirely applies

0:33:03.039,0:33:07.840
to me i did do a bit of self-isolation

0:33:06.320,0:33:11.360
especially now but we can’t really

0:33:07.840,0:33:12.960
compare it to that um but

0:33:11.360,0:33:15.760
i actually don’t entirely think this

0:33:12.960,0:33:18.960
applies to me um that all that much

0:33:15.760,0:33:22.080
okay well that’s good

0:33:18.960,0:33:24.960
anxious or avoidant is the next

0:33:22.080,0:33:27.440
symptom attachment insecurities often

0:33:24.960,0:33:29.279
result in problematic attachment styles

0:33:27.440,0:33:31.120
or dysfunctional approaches to

0:33:29.279,0:33:33.600
relationships

0:33:31.120,0:33:35.919
the two most common are anxious and

0:33:33.600,0:33:38.000
avoidant attachments

0:33:35.919,0:33:41.039
anxious attachment styles are

0:33:38.000,0:33:43.200
characterized by emotional dependence

0:33:41.039,0:33:45.440
relying on someone else for your

0:33:43.200,0:33:49.360
emotional well-being

0:33:45.440,0:33:51.760
a fear of being alone and fantasies

0:33:49.360,0:33:54.320
of perfect relationship relationships

0:33:51.760,0:33:56.799
that can never be fulfilled

0:33:54.320,0:33:58.159
avoidant attachment styles also stem

0:33:56.799,0:34:00.960
from insecurity

0:33:58.159,0:34:02.320
but go in the other direction people

0:34:00.960,0:34:05.440
with this style tend to keep

0:34:02.320,0:34:08.560
relationships superficial and disengaged

0:34:05.440,0:34:11.200
for more intimate connections

0:34:08.560,0:34:13.599
i i’m kind of on the fence on this one

0:34:11.200,0:34:16.639
here i have a very

0:34:13.599,0:34:19.760
small group of core

0:34:16.639,0:34:23.359
friends that i hold close and

0:34:19.760,0:34:24.560
outside of that group of four or five

0:34:23.359,0:34:26.240
people

0:34:24.560,0:34:28.879
everybody else i refer to as an

0:34:26.240,0:34:30.560
associate so i think i’m kind of a mix

0:34:28.879,0:34:32.000
of both of these do you think this

0:34:30.560,0:34:34.960
applies to you

0:34:32.000,0:34:36.079
i mean i can definitely say that i’m

0:34:34.960,0:34:39.200
pretty dependent

0:34:36.079,0:34:42.560
on a lot of on

0:34:39.200,0:34:44.960
people especially with you and mommy um

0:34:42.560,0:34:47.520
since we haven’t stuck here for a while

0:34:44.960,0:34:50.079
and the fact that you guys have

0:34:47.520,0:34:52.399
that we’re very close and that you guys

0:34:50.079,0:34:55.359
probably have more experience than i do

0:34:52.399,0:34:56.000
i depend a lot on you guys whenever i

0:34:55.359,0:34:59.760
have

0:34:56.000,0:35:03.599
my problems and sometimes i do think

0:34:59.760,0:35:06.640
and wish that um

0:35:03.599,0:35:09.040
i didn’t entirely depend on you so

0:35:06.640,0:35:10.960
hard because i can’t imagine the

0:35:09.040,0:35:13.280
emotional toll it’s actually taking on

0:35:10.960,0:35:16.640
you guys seeing your child

0:35:13.280,0:35:21.119
you know insecure worried and just

0:35:16.640,0:35:24.960
overall having lots of negative emotions

0:35:21.119,0:35:27.920
yeah that’s really not that big a deal

0:35:24.960,0:35:28.880
i kind of expected you know as a as a

0:35:27.920,0:35:31.119
parent

0:35:28.880,0:35:32.320
that’s kind of what we do you know we’re

0:35:31.119,0:35:34.880
there to support you

0:35:32.320,0:35:36.240
we’re there to teach you the right path

0:35:34.880,0:35:38.720
we’re there to help you get over

0:35:36.240,0:35:40.400
these any of these insecurities or

0:35:38.720,0:35:44.320
issues that you have

0:35:40.400,0:35:49.280
um the absence of that i think

0:35:44.320,0:35:52.240
makes me feel almost like uh

0:35:49.280,0:35:52.720
i don’t know like i’m not a good parent

0:35:52.240,0:35:56.480
you know

0:35:52.720,0:35:56.480
like if i didn’t have that to do

0:35:56.800,0:36:03.839
i don’t know if i would be able

0:36:00.079,0:36:07.200
to have that that feeling of of

0:36:03.839,0:36:09.680
of being an active parent um

0:36:07.200,0:36:12.880
you know sam for instance when he was

0:36:09.680,0:36:15.119
your age and growing up

0:36:12.880,0:36:17.280
we only had him part-time on the

0:36:15.119,0:36:19.280
weekends or every other weekend

0:36:17.280,0:36:20.560
so i missed out on a lot of stuff and i

0:36:19.280,0:36:22.320
missed out a lot

0:36:20.560,0:36:25.280
on these things and having these talks

0:36:22.320,0:36:27.040
with him and helping him work through

0:36:25.280,0:36:28.320
these issues usually the time that he

0:36:27.040,0:36:31.520
was with us

0:36:28.320,0:36:32.400
it was his recreational time his relief

0:36:31.520,0:36:34.560
time

0:36:32.400,0:36:36.720
you know we’d play video games or go out

0:36:34.560,0:36:39.280
or something like that

0:36:36.720,0:36:40.960
so we never had this kind of interaction

0:36:39.280,0:36:45.359
with sam

0:36:40.960,0:36:47.839
and i didn’t realize how much i

0:36:45.359,0:36:49.440
missed having that until i had the

0:36:47.839,0:36:50.880
opportunity to

0:36:49.440,0:36:52.960
to help you through some of these that’s

0:36:50.880,0:36:54.000
why i you know the whole point of this

0:36:52.960,0:36:55.839
podcast was

0:36:54.000,0:36:58.480
was really to help get you through these

0:36:55.839,0:37:02.079
so we could have these focus sessions

0:36:58.480,0:37:04.800
um so it’s not a burden uh at all

0:37:02.079,0:37:06.160
on me uh nor do i i don’t want to speak

0:37:04.800,0:37:08.720
for mommy but i don’t

0:37:06.160,0:37:10.560
suspect it’s a burden for mommy either

0:37:08.720,0:37:13.760
that’s what we do as parents

0:37:10.560,0:37:15.200
um so that’s not something you should

0:37:13.760,0:37:16.880
ever be concerned about

0:37:15.200,0:37:18.640
yeah that was also probably one of my

0:37:16.880,0:37:20.240
other insecurities feeling like i was a

0:37:18.640,0:37:22.560
burden on you guys and

0:37:20.240,0:37:23.920
i’m pretty sure are pretty well aware of

0:37:22.560,0:37:25.680
that at this point yeah

0:37:23.920,0:37:27.839
we joke around that you’re our little

0:37:25.680,0:37:29.760
burden but kids are supposed to be a

0:37:27.839,0:37:32.480
burden to their parents until they

0:37:29.760,0:37:33.760
reach a certain age that’s socially

0:37:32.480,0:37:37.599
acceptable

0:37:33.760,0:37:38.000
um but that’s what being a parent is

0:37:37.599,0:37:40.240
it’s

0:37:38.000,0:37:41.040
it’s not just hanging out with your kids

0:37:40.240,0:37:44.160
when

0:37:41.040,0:37:45.680
it’s fun right it’s it’s about getting

0:37:44.160,0:37:48.320
through those hard times it’s about

0:37:45.680,0:37:50.800
guiding you and teaching you and

0:37:48.320,0:37:53.440
and going through those things with you

0:37:50.800,0:37:57.040
because i can tell you one thing

0:37:53.440,0:37:59.520
as a man

0:37:57.040,0:38:00.480
you i’ve gone through more things with

0:37:59.520,0:38:03.280
you than i

0:38:00.480,0:38:04.640
i ever would have if i didn’t have a

0:38:03.280,0:38:06.400
daughter

0:38:04.640,0:38:08.240
and it’s been a learning experience for

0:38:06.400,0:38:09.520
me and it’s enriched my life

0:38:08.240,0:38:11.359
going through these things and

0:38:09.520,0:38:13.599
understanding these things and seeing

0:38:11.359,0:38:18.320
things from your perspective

0:38:13.599,0:38:19.920
um so it’s been beneficial for me to go

0:38:18.320,0:38:21.520
through these types of things and and

0:38:19.920,0:38:23.280
i’m grateful that i have a daughter that

0:38:21.520,0:38:26.160
i can do that with

0:38:23.280,0:38:27.520
you know the fact that you’re you’re

0:38:26.160,0:38:30.480
that trusting and

0:38:27.520,0:38:30.720
you’re that open to to talk to us about

0:38:30.480,0:38:34.720
it

0:38:30.720,0:38:40.160
i think is fantastic so don’t stop that

0:38:34.720,0:38:43.520
okay uh moving right along we have

0:38:40.160,0:38:47.520
uh poor job performance

0:38:43.520,0:38:50.480
job insecurity not having a stable job

0:38:47.520,0:38:51.920
can work to motivate some people but it

0:38:50.480,0:38:54.800
more often results in

0:38:51.920,0:38:56.000
poorer performances it can lead to you

0:38:54.800,0:38:58.400
avoiding work

0:38:56.000,0:38:59.440
wanting to change jobs after you start

0:38:58.400,0:39:01.680
at one

0:38:59.440,0:39:03.440
disengagement from colleagues and

0:39:01.680,0:39:06.560
in-group projects

0:39:03.440,0:39:07.920
and work attitudes now this one’s it’s

0:39:06.560,0:39:10.720
really not one that’s a

0:39:07.920,0:39:12.560
team related one but this is one that i

0:39:10.720,0:39:14.640
can definitely

0:39:12.560,0:39:15.920
speak to here because i’ve been in jobs

0:39:14.640,0:39:18.880
where

0:39:15.920,0:39:20.560
you know i’ve been underutilized or i’ve

0:39:18.880,0:39:23.760
been underappreciated

0:39:20.560,0:39:24.079
or i’ve been put in positions where i’m

0:39:23.760,0:39:27.200
not

0:39:24.079,0:39:28.880
qualified to be in there but i’ve had to

0:39:27.200,0:39:32.400
do it anyway

0:39:28.880,0:39:36.160
and the overall lack of confidence

0:39:32.400,0:39:39.680
uh tends to make the job frustrating

0:39:36.160,0:39:41.839
or scary in some cases like going to

0:39:39.680,0:39:43.200
work knowing that oh my god the entire

0:39:41.839,0:39:46.400
company

0:39:43.200,0:39:49.200
resides on on me fixing this

0:39:46.400,0:39:50.640
issue and i don’t know how to fix the

0:39:49.200,0:39:52.480
issue right now

0:39:50.640,0:39:54.640
and that can be very overwhelming and

0:39:52.480,0:39:57.599
very anxiety inducing

0:39:54.640,0:39:58.079
think of it almost like um a project at

0:39:57.599,0:39:59.520
school

0:39:58.079,0:40:01.599
and you have a team project and you’ve

0:39:59.520,0:40:04.000
got a bunch of kids

0:40:01.599,0:40:05.520
on the project with you and you have to

0:40:04.000,0:40:08.000
do your part and you just don’t

0:40:05.520,0:40:09.599
understand how to do it or

0:40:08.000,0:40:11.119
you don’t think you don’t the confidence

0:40:09.599,0:40:12.400
that you’ve done it yourself

0:40:11.119,0:40:15.359
is that anything you’ve ever gone

0:40:12.400,0:40:17.920
through i mean

0:40:15.359,0:40:20.319
i don’t think it wasn’t i mean i have

0:40:17.920,0:40:23.760
experienced group projects

0:40:20.319,0:40:26.800
um but i’ve never really been

0:40:23.760,0:40:27.920
in that situation too much like i’ve

0:40:26.800,0:40:30.079
always gotten my work

0:40:27.920,0:40:32.079
done in the projects and sometimes you

0:40:30.079,0:40:33.440
know i’ve been the one person

0:40:32.079,0:40:35.680
the only person in the group who’s

0:40:33.440,0:40:37.359
actually done anything about it

0:40:35.680,0:40:39.359
um but i’ve never really been in this

0:40:37.359,0:40:41.599
scenario where like every

0:40:39.359,0:40:43.200
where like i had a really major part and

0:40:41.599,0:40:44.960
i didn’t understand it

0:40:43.200,0:40:46.560
for the most part i understood most of

0:40:44.960,0:40:48.160
the projects and

0:40:46.560,0:40:49.520
even if i didn’t understand something i

0:40:48.160,0:40:50.640
normally would just give it to someone

0:40:49.520,0:40:53.920
who did

0:40:50.640,0:40:57.200
um but i can definitely um picture

0:40:53.920,0:40:58.720
what that situation would be like okay

0:40:57.200,0:41:01.599
so the last thing they talk about here

0:40:58.720,0:41:03.920
is depression or anxiety which is

0:41:01.599,0:41:06.000
you know they they say the signs of

0:41:03.920,0:41:08.160
insecurity well depression and anxiety

0:41:06.000,0:41:09.280
are the signs of so many other things

0:41:08.160,0:41:11.839
too

0:41:09.280,0:41:13.680
so if if this is what you’re suffering

0:41:11.839,0:41:16.720
from it could be one of many things

0:41:13.680,0:41:18.960
just just to be clear all types of

0:41:16.720,0:41:20.400
insecurity can lead to decreased mental

0:41:18.960,0:41:22.560
wellness

0:41:20.400,0:41:24.880
depressive or anxious behavior or

0:41:22.560,0:41:26.079
thinking is often an effect of

0:41:24.880,0:41:28.319
insecurity

0:41:26.079,0:41:30.560
particularly when instead insecurity

0:41:28.319,0:41:34.400
produces or is accompanied

0:41:30.560,0:41:37.520
by wrong beliefs or patterns of thought

0:41:34.400,0:41:40.319
um have you

0:41:37.520,0:41:41.760
experienced depression or anxiety that

0:41:40.319,0:41:44.000
was a related

0:41:41.760,0:41:44.880
that was related to insecurity at any

0:41:44.000,0:41:47.359
point

0:41:44.880,0:41:48.240
i mean yeah i’ve definitely experienced

0:41:47.359,0:41:50.640
anxiety

0:41:48.240,0:41:51.720
especially when it came to my my

0:41:50.640,0:41:53.920
academic

0:41:51.720,0:41:55.560
insecurities i’ve never really

0:41:53.920,0:41:58.880
experienced

0:41:55.560,0:42:00.800
depressive states that often

0:41:58.880,0:42:02.960
um but anxiety has definitely been

0:42:00.800,0:42:03.599
something that’s come up multiple times

0:42:02.960,0:42:07.200
and it

0:42:03.599,0:42:10.640
is normally a result of mainly my

0:42:07.200,0:42:13.200
insecurity about my academics so

0:42:10.640,0:42:14.800
and i’m pretty sure won’t stop until you

0:42:13.200,0:42:16.640
know i’m actually out of school

0:42:14.800,0:42:18.640
then it’ll probably just be replaced

0:42:16.640,0:42:20.240
with job insecurity you never know

0:42:18.640,0:42:22.319
well there you go at least the tradition

0:42:20.240,0:42:24.960
continues on right

0:42:22.319,0:42:26.400
so that was all we had on the signs and

0:42:24.960,0:42:26.800
symptoms we’re going to take a quick

0:42:26.400,0:42:29.599
break

0:42:26.800,0:42:31.599
and come back and we’ll talk about some

0:42:29.599,0:42:32.790
suggestions on how to deal with

0:42:31.599,0:42:40.960
insecurities

0:42:32.790,0:42:43.359
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0:43:00.480,0:43:04.800
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0:43:42.400,0:43:45.680
welcome back to insights into teens

0:43:44.640,0:43:48.640
today

0:43:45.680,0:43:50.160
we’re getting insecure let’s talk about

0:43:48.640,0:43:52.880
some things about how to

0:43:50.160,0:43:56.319
deal with insecurity occasional

0:43:52.880,0:43:58.560
insecurity is a natural part of life

0:43:56.319,0:44:00.800
for deeper and more long-lasting

0:43:58.560,0:44:02.720
feelings of insecurity however

0:44:00.800,0:44:04.480
professional therapists can help you

0:44:02.720,0:44:07.440
sort through your emotions

0:44:04.480,0:44:09.040
and develop strategies of life dealing

0:44:07.440,0:44:11.280
with insecurity

0:44:09.040,0:44:12.160
here’s a couple of tips what’s our first

0:44:11.280,0:44:15.440
tip

0:44:12.160,0:44:17.839
first tip is that social networks matter

0:44:15.440,0:44:19.599
broad and meaningful social networks

0:44:17.839,0:44:21.359
friendships relationships with

0:44:19.599,0:44:23.520
co-workers and more

0:44:21.359,0:44:25.280
help to lessen both insecurity and its

0:44:23.520,0:44:28.319
negative effects

0:44:25.280,0:44:30.560
there’s an inverse correlation between

0:44:28.319,0:44:32.079
healthy social networks and insecure

0:44:30.560,0:44:34.480
attachment styles

0:44:32.079,0:44:35.839
having a wide cycle of friends and many

0:44:34.480,0:44:37.599
close connections

0:44:35.839,0:44:39.359
allows you to develop the tools and

0:44:37.599,0:44:40.880
confidence to engage in deeper

0:44:39.359,0:44:42.720
relationships

0:44:40.880,0:44:44.000
and i honestly have to say this is

0:44:42.720,0:44:47.760
probably the one

0:44:44.000,0:44:51.119
thing that has helped me more than

0:44:47.760,0:44:53.760
anything else is this there’s the

0:44:51.119,0:44:55.280
the friendships that i’ve been able to

0:44:53.760,0:44:58.640
to call on

0:44:55.280,0:45:00.240
um especially now um

0:44:58.640,0:45:01.680
and ironically enough none of them are

0:45:00.240,0:45:02.800
my friends because i don’t have any

0:45:01.680,0:45:05.920
friends

0:45:02.800,0:45:09.520
it’s they were all mommy’s friends um

0:45:05.920,0:45:11.280
you know our friends up in in bethlehem

0:45:09.520,0:45:13.520
uh and other other friends and

0:45:11.280,0:45:15.040
co-workers that mommy associates with

0:45:13.520,0:45:18.560
that we’ve been

0:45:15.040,0:45:21.280
very fortunate to have interactions with

0:45:18.560,0:45:22.960
have been very helpful in dealing with

0:45:21.280,0:45:25.119
insecurities for me

0:45:22.960,0:45:27.760
how about you do you have a core group

0:45:25.119,0:45:29.920
of friends that you rely on when

0:45:27.760,0:45:31.680
you know you’re feeling insecure or

0:45:29.920,0:45:33.359
feeling any of those symptoms

0:45:31.680,0:45:34.800
yeah i have a group of friends that i

0:45:33.359,0:45:37.839
typically talk with

0:45:34.800,0:45:40.800
whenever i feel a bit insecure

0:45:37.839,0:45:42.560
or need someone to talk to um i

0:45:40.800,0:45:45.680
definitely think

0:45:42.560,0:45:48.800
the kids my age i can definitely talk

0:45:45.680,0:45:50.800
with about with more of my insecurities

0:45:48.800,0:45:52.160
um because they can more than likely

0:45:50.800,0:45:54.800
relate to me

0:45:52.160,0:45:55.920
with the slightly younger kids i kind of

0:45:54.800,0:45:58.000
hang with them

0:45:55.920,0:46:00.400
um so they kind of give me a bit of

0:45:58.000,0:46:02.319
entertainment you know they kind of

0:46:00.400,0:46:03.680
de-stress me in a way they don’t

0:46:02.319,0:46:05.599
entirely like

0:46:03.680,0:46:07.040
i don’t entirely tell them all my

0:46:05.599,0:46:09.680
insecurities there are

0:46:07.040,0:46:11.760
points where i do tell them but normally

0:46:09.680,0:46:14.400
they just try and help lighten the mood

0:46:11.760,0:46:16.079
and i’m thankful for that as well yeah

0:46:14.400,0:46:17.119
and i think hanging around the younger

0:46:16.079,0:46:19.359
kids

0:46:17.119,0:46:20.640
kind of elevates you to a certain point

0:46:19.359,0:46:22.319
you’re kind of in that role model

0:46:20.640,0:46:24.000
position and having the younger kids

0:46:22.319,0:46:26.640
look up to you as a

0:46:24.000,0:46:28.720
confidence boost that that helps you get

0:46:26.640,0:46:32.160
over that insecurity a lot of times

0:46:28.720,0:46:34.720
yeah what’s our second one our second

0:46:32.160,0:46:37.040
one is that trust takes practice

0:46:34.720,0:46:38.800
while having an overly trusting behavior

0:46:37.040,0:46:40.880
creates its own problems

0:46:38.800,0:46:43.440
ask yourself if you have any reason to

0:46:40.880,0:46:45.440
distrust expressions of affection or

0:46:43.440,0:46:47.440
liking from others people with

0:46:45.440,0:46:50.480
insecurities sometimes express

0:46:47.440,0:46:52.160
stout and can perceive re rejection

0:46:50.480,0:46:54.640
in everything from a partner

0:46:52.160,0:46:58.240
relationship to new acquaintances

0:46:54.640,0:47:01.520
these expressions can be self-fulfilling

0:46:58.240,0:47:02.640
practice taking displays of interest at

0:47:01.520,0:47:04.800
face value

0:47:02.640,0:47:07.280
something that can appea that can be

0:47:04.800,0:47:09.200
easier and more casual relationships

0:47:07.280,0:47:10.480
you can build up the confidence to

0:47:09.200,0:47:14.240
accept deeper affection

0:47:10.480,0:47:16.160
intimacy so how easy is it for you to

0:47:14.240,0:47:20.559
trust

0:47:16.160,0:47:24.240
um i’d say i’m not

0:47:20.559,0:47:28.000
a hundred percent untrustworthy

0:47:24.240,0:47:31.280
well not untrustworthy i know

0:47:28.000,0:47:34.640
untrusting i don’t think i’m 100

0:47:31.280,0:47:38.800
untrusting but i definitely know that

0:47:34.640,0:47:41.280
the lesson don’t trust people like

0:47:38.800,0:47:44.079
i’d like to think that certain people

0:47:41.280,0:47:48.000
that people are nice and not entirely

0:47:44.079,0:47:49.040
bad um and i try not to think badly of

0:47:48.000,0:47:52.240
people

0:47:49.040,0:47:56.319
but there are instances where um

0:47:52.240,0:47:59.359
i sometimes trust someone’s

0:47:56.319,0:48:00.559
honesty see this is this is one of those

0:47:59.359,0:48:04.079
situations where

0:48:00.559,0:48:07.920
i think you’re wise beyond your age

0:48:04.079,0:48:09.040
um me personally i’m not a very trusting

0:48:07.920,0:48:12.160
individual in fact

0:48:09.040,0:48:13.680
i don’t trust very many people at all um

0:48:12.160,0:48:16.160
and the people that i do trust

0:48:13.680,0:48:17.359
are those people that are in my my core

0:48:16.160,0:48:20.240
group

0:48:17.359,0:48:21.520
um and a lot of that has to do with the

0:48:20.240,0:48:23.520
fact that

0:48:21.520,0:48:24.960
it’s experienced i’ve been burned a lot

0:48:23.520,0:48:27.119
of times

0:48:24.960,0:48:28.559
and every time you trust someone and get

0:48:27.119,0:48:31.760
burned in that trust

0:48:28.559,0:48:32.319
it makes you a little bit more gun shy

0:48:31.760,0:48:35.440
to

0:48:32.319,0:48:37.280
to give out that trust and

0:48:35.440,0:48:39.119
and i’ve developed the philosophy over

0:48:37.280,0:48:41.040
time that trust is

0:48:39.119,0:48:44.079
and we’ve talked about this trust is

0:48:41.040,0:48:45.839
like currency it’s very easily

0:48:44.079,0:48:48.079
it’s very difficult to earn it but it’s

0:48:45.839,0:48:51.920
very easy to squander it

0:48:48.079,0:48:54.880
and if people want me to trust them they

0:48:51.920,0:48:57.200
have to earn that trust and

0:48:54.880,0:48:58.559
my expectations for people in general

0:48:57.200,0:49:01.920
and this is probably a

0:48:58.559,0:49:03.119
kind of a jaded view but my expectations

0:49:01.920,0:49:05.650
for people in general

0:49:03.119,0:49:07.040
are very low and

0:49:05.650,0:49:10.160
[Music]

0:49:07.040,0:49:10.720
unfortunately they seldom fail to meet

0:49:10.160,0:49:13.920
those

0:49:10.720,0:49:15.920
low expectations uh so they a lot of

0:49:13.920,0:49:17.599
people don’t give me reason to trust

0:49:15.920,0:49:19.920
them

0:49:17.599,0:49:21.280
yeah and i think my reason for not

0:49:19.920,0:49:24.559
entirely trusting

0:49:21.280,0:49:26.720
people is one the fear of

0:49:24.559,0:49:27.760
having something bad happen to me

0:49:26.720,0:49:29.839
because

0:49:27.760,0:49:31.680
i know that’s happened before other

0:49:29.839,0:49:34.960
people have had experience with

0:49:31.680,0:49:38.480
it and there are definitely

0:49:34.960,0:49:42.640
people who i know i fee who i

0:49:38.480,0:49:45.839
feel i can’t trust and the fear of being

0:49:42.640,0:49:49.040
wronged by people um is

0:49:45.839,0:49:49.920
enough to make me more or less cautious

0:49:49.040,0:49:52.240
of them

0:49:49.920,0:49:54.720
another reason i’m guessing is kind of

0:49:52.240,0:49:58.240
the effect you’ve kind of had on me

0:49:54.720,0:50:00.079
like you said gee thanks like you said

0:49:58.240,0:50:02.800
you’re not a very trusting individual

0:50:00.079,0:50:06.960
and you always tell me trust no one

0:50:02.800,0:50:10.240
um but yourself and um

0:50:06.960,0:50:11.839
in a way i’ve kind of kept that um

0:50:10.240,0:50:13.920
i think that also might be one of the

0:50:11.839,0:50:17.440
reasons i’m not the most

0:50:13.920,0:50:20.160
sociable person um

0:50:17.440,0:50:21.040
but i can say i’ve i definitely have

0:50:20.160,0:50:23.920
more trust

0:50:21.040,0:50:26.960
in people and more and a bit of higher

0:50:23.920,0:50:29.119
expectations than you have of people

0:50:26.960,0:50:31.040
um so you haven’t affected me that much

0:50:29.119,0:50:33.599
that’s good

0:50:31.040,0:50:35.440
but i definitely am not the most trust

0:50:33.599,0:50:38.240
i’m definitely not the most

0:50:35.440,0:50:38.720
trusting person you’ll meet that’s good

0:50:38.240,0:50:41.200
i don’t

0:50:38.720,0:50:42.800
i want you to be wise beyond your errors

0:50:41.200,0:50:45.599
but i don’t want you to be a miserable

0:50:42.800,0:50:45.599
old man like me

0:50:46.480,0:50:49.599
the last thing i did want to talk about

0:50:48.400,0:50:51.040
and we don’t actually have it in the

0:50:49.599,0:50:55.119
notes here this is kind of an

0:50:51.040,0:50:57.520
ad-lib and that’s carriage

0:50:55.119,0:50:59.200
you know having courage to confront your

0:50:57.520,0:51:02.480
insecurities

0:50:59.200,0:51:05.599
or anything your fears

0:51:02.480,0:51:09.119
um the things that

0:51:05.599,0:51:13.040
make you cringe i like to say

0:51:09.119,0:51:16.319
having the courage to confront those is

0:51:13.040,0:51:18.000
a major tool and a lot of people tend to

0:51:16.319,0:51:19.119
shy away from these things they shy away

0:51:18.000,0:51:20.400
from the things that make them

0:51:19.119,0:51:22.079
uncomfortable

0:51:20.400,0:51:24.079
or the things that take them outside

0:51:22.079,0:51:27.599
their comfort zone

0:51:24.079,0:51:30.960
um and the people

0:51:27.599,0:51:33.599
that confront these things

0:51:30.960,0:51:35.200
you know your body image your job

0:51:33.599,0:51:36.400
insecurity

0:51:35.200,0:51:39.280
they’re the ones that can make a

0:51:36.400,0:51:42.000
difference about it if you’re afraid

0:51:39.280,0:51:43.920
of what it is that you’re insecure about

0:51:42.000,0:51:45.920
and you never confront it or you never

0:51:43.920,0:51:47.440
address it

0:51:45.920,0:51:49.440
then you don’t have control it has

0:51:47.440,0:51:53.599
control of you

0:51:49.440,0:51:55.760
and that’s even more frightening i think

0:51:53.599,0:51:56.720
when i have an insecurity you know my

0:51:55.760,0:52:00.079
insecurity

0:51:56.720,0:52:01.760
is my body image and i

0:52:00.079,0:52:04.240
take to heart everything that people say

0:52:01.760,0:52:05.839
about me and people make fun of me and

0:52:04.240,0:52:07.520
and believe me people have made fun of

0:52:05.839,0:52:08.559
me my whole life about it i’ve been a

0:52:07.520,0:52:11.839
big guy since

0:52:08.559,0:52:14.160
since i was born um

0:52:11.839,0:52:15.839
a little factoid i was actually the

0:52:14.160,0:52:17.119
biggest kid in the hospital when i was

0:52:15.839,0:52:20.240
born

0:52:17.119,0:52:21.280
um which for some reason my mother was

0:52:20.240,0:52:24.160
very proud of that

0:52:21.280,0:52:25.920
fact i’m not really sure why but she

0:52:24.160,0:52:28.160
spoke of it with a great deal of pride

0:52:25.920,0:52:32.079
when she told me about it

0:52:28.160,0:52:34.960
so my whole life i’ve been like that and

0:52:32.079,0:52:35.520
for a large portion of my life i let

0:52:34.960,0:52:39.280
people

0:52:35.520,0:52:41.119
tell me how i felt about myself

0:52:39.280,0:52:44.240
and i realized later in life that was a

0:52:41.119,0:52:46.800
mistake and it wasn’t until

0:52:44.240,0:52:48.000
i took control of that situation and i

0:52:46.800,0:52:51.359
took control

0:52:48.000,0:52:53.760
of my own image

0:52:51.359,0:52:56.079
of what i thought of myself and i do

0:52:53.760,0:52:59.200
that with the self-deprecating humor i’m

0:52:56.079,0:53:01.359
fat i get it i know i am

0:52:59.200,0:53:02.480
you know people one of the things that

0:53:01.359,0:53:04.400
kids used to say you know

0:53:02.480,0:53:05.680
oh oh you’re fat i said well i’m fat

0:53:04.400,0:53:07.599
you’re ugly i can die

0:53:05.680,0:53:09.599
you know you know there’s something that

0:53:07.599,0:53:13.599
i can do about it

0:53:09.599,0:53:14.079
and um and when i realized that when i

0:53:13.599,0:53:17.359
started

0:53:14.079,0:53:20.160
to take control of those things it was

0:53:17.359,0:53:22.079
very liberating you know it allowed me

0:53:20.160,0:53:23.680
to have control of that portion of my

0:53:22.079,0:53:25.680
life back

0:53:23.680,0:53:27.839
and i think a lot of people experience

0:53:25.680,0:53:30.240
that when they’ve got the courage to

0:53:27.839,0:53:31.680
confront those insecurities

0:53:30.240,0:53:34.400
you know the first thing is you have to

0:53:31.680,0:53:36.160
acknowledge that you have the insecurity

0:53:34.400,0:53:38.079
and why you have it

0:53:36.160,0:53:40.240
and then once you do that then you have

0:53:38.079,0:53:42.960
the the choice you can make the act of

0:53:40.240,0:53:44.800
choice to do something about it

0:53:42.960,0:53:46.079
and even just making that choice even if

0:53:44.800,0:53:47.520
you’re not successful

0:53:46.079,0:53:50.559
in dealing with it the way that you

0:53:47.520,0:53:53.520
initially choose just the choice

0:53:50.559,0:53:54.400
to do something about it is liberating

0:53:53.520,0:53:57.440
and it

0:53:54.400,0:53:59.359
it’s self-motivating

0:53:57.440,0:54:01.359
and it gives you a level of confidence

0:53:59.359,0:54:02.960
knowing that i’m taking control of this

0:54:01.359,0:54:04.800
aspect of my life that i didn’t have

0:54:02.960,0:54:08.079
control over

0:54:04.800,0:54:10.559
even if i’m not 100 successful just the

0:54:08.079,0:54:14.160
fact that i’m doing something about it

0:54:10.559,0:54:15.119
is very liberating so is there anything

0:54:14.160,0:54:17.680
that you’ve

0:54:15.119,0:54:18.400
had or any insecurities that you’ve had

0:54:17.680,0:54:22.400
in your life

0:54:18.400,0:54:24.000
that you’ve chosen to confront and to

0:54:22.400,0:54:26.160
take on rather than to shy

0:54:24.000,0:54:27.760
away from it how if you if so how did

0:54:26.160,0:54:30.240
that make you feel

0:54:27.760,0:54:32.319
well probably the biggest one right now

0:54:30.240,0:54:35.440
would be my academics

0:54:32.319,0:54:37.599
um i had insecurities about not being

0:54:35.440,0:54:40.400
able to get good grades

0:54:37.599,0:54:41.760
um whether or not i was good to be

0:54:40.400,0:54:43.359
whether or not i should have joined

0:54:41.760,0:54:45.839
marching band

0:54:43.359,0:54:46.640
and exactly how high school was going to

0:54:45.839,0:54:48.400
go

0:54:46.640,0:54:51.280
but it was one of the ones where i’m

0:54:48.400,0:54:53.200
like okay let’s try confronting this

0:54:51.280,0:54:54.720
for getting better grades i made sure

0:54:53.200,0:54:57.920
that i studied more

0:54:54.720,0:55:01.040
i checked my answers and i made sure

0:54:57.920,0:55:02.559
that i knew what i was doing um

0:55:01.040,0:55:04.880
i ended up confronting the whole

0:55:02.559,0:55:07.200
marching band fear by

0:55:04.880,0:55:09.119
seeing what it was like and checking it

0:55:07.200,0:55:11.119
out and seeing if it was something i was

0:55:09.119,0:55:13.760
going to do

0:55:11.119,0:55:15.680
well i haven’t been fully successful

0:55:13.760,0:55:16.960
i’ve definitely felt a lot better about

0:55:15.680,0:55:20.240
my academics

0:55:16.960,0:55:23.359
and confronting them

0:55:20.240,0:55:26.559
and going to the marching band rehearsal

0:55:23.359,0:55:29.200
and checking my answers and studying and

0:55:26.559,0:55:30.480
getting those good grades is very

0:55:29.200,0:55:33.680
fulfilling and

0:55:30.480,0:55:37.119
i don’t entirely have as large

0:55:33.680,0:55:38.240
of a um fear about it yeah that’s great

0:55:37.119,0:55:40.079
it’s very empowering

0:55:38.240,0:55:41.520
you know when you take control of that

0:55:40.079,0:55:43.200
situation

0:55:41.520,0:55:45.119
now you might not always win the battle

0:55:43.200,0:55:46.799
with that insecurity but at least now

0:55:45.119,0:55:47.440
you’re fighting it on your terms and

0:55:46.799,0:55:51.200
it’s not

0:55:47.440,0:55:52.880
controlling you so that was all we have

0:55:51.200,0:55:54.799
for insecurities we’re going to take a

0:55:52.880,0:55:55.920
a very quick break and come back and

0:55:54.799,0:56:03.680
we’re going to get

0:55:55.920,0:56:06.160
your closing thoughts on the topic

0:56:03.680,0:56:07.839
go for your closing remarks all right i

0:56:06.160,0:56:08.960
just wanted to say to everyone that

0:56:07.839,0:56:11.599
insecurities

0:56:08.960,0:56:13.280
are normal everyone’s gonna have them

0:56:11.599,0:56:16.720
everyone more than likely has

0:56:13.280,0:56:19.760
had them and you’re more than likely um

0:56:16.720,0:56:22.400
going to have securities

0:56:19.760,0:56:24.480
your whole life but there are ways that

0:56:22.400,0:56:27.520
you can deal with those insecurities

0:56:24.480,0:56:29.599
and they can’t and just know that they

0:56:27.520,0:56:31.040
they don’t have the ability to empower

0:56:29.599,0:56:33.520
you to

0:56:31.040,0:56:35.280
take control of you as long as you do

0:56:33.520,0:56:38.400
something about it

0:56:35.280,0:56:40.240
try some of these tips and if these tips

0:56:38.400,0:56:43.520
aren’t helpful

0:56:40.240,0:56:46.559
try seeking um you know

0:56:43.520,0:56:49.040
hire great

0:56:46.559,0:56:51.680
i don’t know how to say it professional

0:56:49.040,0:56:52.640
help try seeking professional help for

0:56:51.680,0:56:55.760
it

0:56:52.640,0:56:58.559
um and just know that

0:56:55.760,0:56:59.920
it’s all right everyone has insecurities

0:56:58.559,0:57:02.960
and you’re not alone

0:56:59.920,0:57:06.000
okay sage advice as always

0:57:02.960,0:57:09.839
thank you uh so that was all we had

0:57:06.000,0:57:11.599
for the show today i would invite folks

0:57:09.839,0:57:13.680
to subscribe to the podcast you can get

0:57:11.599,0:57:14.559
video versions listed as insights into

0:57:13.680,0:57:16.559
things

0:57:14.559,0:57:18.720
audio versions of this podcast can be

0:57:16.559,0:57:20.640
found as insights into teens on apple

0:57:18.720,0:57:21.599
podcast spotify google stitcher i heart

0:57:20.640,0:57:25.760
radio tune in

0:57:21.599,0:57:26.319
amazon etc etc all in one breath too

0:57:25.760,0:57:29.520
nice

0:57:26.319,0:57:30.079
i would also invite folks to uh contact

0:57:29.520,0:57:32.119
us

0:57:30.079,0:57:33.760
email us at comments at

0:57:32.119,0:57:35.680
insightsintothings.com

0:57:33.760,0:57:37.440
get us on twitter at insights underscore

0:57:35.680,0:57:39.359
things you can get high-res

0:57:37.440,0:57:40.880
versions of all of our videos on youtube

0:57:39.359,0:57:43.839
at youtube.com

0:57:40.880,0:57:45.599
insights into things we do stream five

0:57:43.839,0:57:48.000
days a week on twitch

0:57:45.599,0:57:50.480
at twitch.tv slash insights into things

0:57:48.000,0:57:52.000
if you are an amazon prime subscriber

0:57:50.480,0:57:53.839
you do get a free twitch prime

0:57:52.000,0:57:55.680
subscription

0:57:53.839,0:57:57.280
monthly if you threw that our way we’d

0:57:55.680,0:57:59.040
appreciate it

0:57:57.280,0:58:02.559
audio versions of this podcast can be

0:57:59.040,0:58:04.119
found at podcast.insightsintoteens.com

0:58:02.559,0:58:05.599
you can find us on facebook at

0:58:04.119,0:58:07.440
facebook.com

0:58:05.599,0:58:09.760
insights into things podcast on

0:58:07.440,0:58:12.400
instagram or at instagram.com

0:58:09.760,0:58:13.920
insights into things or you can get

0:58:12.400,0:58:18.000
links to all that stuff on our website

0:58:13.920,0:58:20.079
at http://www.insightsintothings.com

0:58:18.000,0:58:21.359
and you and don’t forget to check out

0:58:20.079,0:58:23.599
our other two podcasts

0:58:21.359,0:58:25.839
insights and entertainment hosted by you

0:58:23.599,0:58:27.680
and mommy and insights into tomorrow our

0:58:25.839,0:58:28.640
monthly podcast hosted by you and my

0:58:27.680,0:58:30.319
brother sam

0:58:28.640,0:58:37.170
that’s it another one of the books bye

0:58:30.319,0:58:46.630
everyone bye

0:58:37.170,0:58:46.630
[Music]

0:59:00.720,0:59:02.799
you