Insights Into Teens: Episode 118 “Teens and Rejection”

This week we’re talking about helping teens handle rejection. We’ll look at how rejection is different in teens and things parents need to keep in mind when helping their teens get through it. We’ll talk about some typical coping mechanisms to help teens when they face rejection. Finally we’ll talk about methods that can help our teens heal, recover and come back stronger than ever from rejection.

Show Notes

INTRO THEME]

  • [INTRODUCTIONS] 
    • Insights Into Teens: Episode 118 “Teens and Rejection”
    • My intelligent and inspirational co-host Madison Whalen
    • Summary
      • This week we’re talking about helping teens handle rejection. We’ll look at how rejection is different in teens and things parents need to keep in mind when helping their teens get through it. We’ll talk about some typical coping mechanisms to help teens when they face rejection. Finally we’ll talk about methods that can help our teens heal, recover and come back stronger than ever from rejection.
    • [Show Plugs]

[TRANSITION]

   [SEGMENT 1] 

  • How rejection is different for teens
  • https://www.psycom.net/help-teens-cope-rejection/ 
  • https://bit.ly/3792RzC 
    • Rejection comes in many forms during the teen years. 
      • Adolescents experience rejections like getting cut from a team, losing the lead role in a play to another actor, or rejection letters from colleges. 
    • These rejections can feel huge and life-altering in the moment, but adolescents also experience a wide variety of micro-rejections on any given day. 
      • Micro-rejections might include being snubbed by a friend at lunch, a peer saying no to a date, or feeling left out when perusing social media.
    • No matter the size of the rejection, one truth stays the same: rejection hurts. 
      • It feels like the opposite of being accepted, valued, and appreciated. 
      • In the minds of teens, rejection feels life-altering. 
    • In the case of the dreaded college rejection letter, for example, a teen might feel like the hard work of high school was wasted effort and their goals for the future can no longer be achieved. 
      • It is easy for an adult to assess the situation as a minor hindrance, just another part of life to get over and move on from.
    • An adult might view the teen’s extreme reaction to rejection as distorted thinking, but for the teen attempting to cope with rejection, the emotional pain is very real.
      • While some teens go to great lengths to avoid rejection by way of playing it safe, staying within the boundaries of what they know they can achieve, and steering clear of anything considered a risk, the truth is that rejection can’t be avoided. 
    • Rejection is an uncomfortable part of life that all teens need to learn to cope with and work through as they prepare for adulthood.
    • Coping with rejection involves working through two very important components: 
      • What you feel
      • What you think. 
    • These two things often exist in a cyclical relationship in that your feelings can affect your thoughts, and your thoughts can, in turn, affect your feelings. 
      • Ignoring either one (or both) won’t reduce the sting of rejection but separating them and targeting each one will help reduce negative emotional responses to rejection.
    • The good news is that you can help your child navigate their struggle of coping with rejection. 

[AD1: SSE]

[SEGMENT 2]

  • Helping your teen to handle rejection
    • While dismissing or downplaying the rejection might feel right to a parent on a mission to protect a teen from emotional pain, it can actually intensify the pain. 
    • Rejection feels isolating and lousy, and teens already know this. 
    • What they need is empathy, understanding, and someone who will listen. 
    • They don’t need to be told that their pain doesn’t really matter, when to them it feels like the only thing that matters.
  • Name it. 
    • Talk about the specifics of the rejection and encourage your teen to label the many feelings overwhelming their mind in response to the rejection. 
    • Labeling emotions is the first step toward working through them and moving beyond them. 
    • If your teen is unable (or unwilling) to take this step, label what you’re seeing. 
    • “Your girlfriend broke up with you and you’re probably feeling rejected, overwhelmed, sad, and even angry. All of these feelings are perfectly normal reactions to this.” 
    • Helping your child understand what emotions they are feeling and why, specifically, they are feeling them, will help them cope with all sorts of situations, not just rejection.
  • Remain Objective
    • You might be tempted to yell out all of the reasons that your teen should have been accepted to that college from which they received a rejection letter or why your teen’s ex-girlfriend is making a huge mistake by breaking up, but responding in anger will only intensify your teen’s negative emotional response. 
    • Teens look to their parents for cues when they’re under stress. 
    • It’s essential to remain calm and objective in the face of rejection to show your teen that your love is unconditional and this rejection won’t actually ruin their life. 
    • Remember, your teen will pick up on the behavior that you demonstrate. 
    • To demonstrate anger at every rejection encourages a sense of entitlement and it will make coping with inevitable rejections all the more difficult.
  • Connect
    • This is the time to convey empathy and understanding. 
    • Admitting that you don’t know exactly how your teen is feeling right this very moment but that you do know what it feels like to face rejection opens the door to conversation. 
    • Teens don’t necessarily want step-by-step instructions on ways to recover from a rejection, but they do want to connect and talk through it.
    • Leaning on past experiences and sharing your painful memories of rejection as a teen can bridge the gap between you and your teen. 
    • While your experiences are not exactly the same as your teen’s, you can use them to talk about how you felt, how you responded, and what you did to recover.

[AD2: ENTERTAINMENT]

[SEGMENT 3] 

Bouncing Back From Rejection

https://kidshealth.org/en/teens/rejection.html

https://bit.ly/375lggM

  • Be Positive
    • When you’re dealing with a painful emotion like rejection, it’s easy to get caught up in the bad feeling. 
    • But dwelling on the negative stuff can feel like living the experience over and over again. 
    • Not only does it keep hurting, it becomes harder to get past the rejection.
    • So admit how you feel but don’t dwell on it. 
    • Avoid talking or thinking about it nonstop. 
    • Why? Negative thinking influences our expectations and how we act. 
    • Getting stuck in a negative outlook might even bring about more rejection. 
    • It certainly doesn’t inspire a person to try again.
  • Examine Your Thought Soundtrack
    • Consider how you’re explaining the rejection to yourself. 
    • Are you being too hard on yourself? 
    • It’s natural to wonder, “Why did this happen?” 
    • When you give yourself an explanation, be careful to stick to the facts.
      • Tell yourself: “I got turned down for prom because the person didn’t want to go with me.” 
      • Don’t tell yourself: “I got turned down because I’m not attractive” or “I’m such a loser.” 
      • These aren’t facts. 
      • They’re imagining a reason, reading too much into a situation. 
      • If put-down thoughts like these start creeping into your mind, shut them down.
    • Self-blaming or put-down thinking can exaggerate our faults and lead us to believe stuff about ourselves that simply isn’t true. 
    • This kind of thinking crowds out hope and a belief in ourselves — the very things we need to get past feeling bad and wanting to try again.
    • If you start blaming yourself for the rejection or put yourself down, you can start believing you’ll always be rejected. 
      • Thoughts like, “I’ll never get a date” or “No one will ever like me” amplify a simple rejection to disaster level. 
      • Rejection can hurt a lot and can be terribly disappointing, but it’s not the end of the world.
  • Keep Things in Perspective
    • Tell yourself: “OK, so I got rejected this time. Maybe next time, I’ll get a ‘yes'” or “Oh, well. This is what happened. I don’t like it. It’s not how I wanted things to work out. But everyone gets rejected — and I can try again.”
    • Think about what you’re good at and what’s good about you. 
    • Remember times when you’ve been accepted, when you made the cut, when someone told you “yes.” 
    • Think of all the people who like you and support you.
    • Give yourself credit for trying. 
    • You took a risk — good for you. 
    • Remind yourself that you can handle the rejection. 
    • Even though you were turned down now, there will be another opportunity, another time. 
    • Get philosophical: Sometimes things happen for reasons we don’t always understand.
  • Use Rejection to Your Advantage
    • A rejection is a chance to consider if there are things we can work on. 
    • It’s OK to think about whether there’s room for improvement or if your goals were higher than your skills.
    • If your skills weren’t strong enough this time, maybe you need to work on your game, your studies, your interview technique, or whatever it takes to improve your chances of getting accepted next time. 
    • Use the rejection as an opportunity for self-improvement.
    • Sometimes a rejection is a harsh reality check. 
    • But if you approach it right, it could help nudge you in a direction that turns out to be the perfect fit for your talents, personality, and all the really great things that make you who you are.
  • Examine the Thought Process
    • When teens are stuck in a negative thought cycle, they can develop negative core beliefs. 
    • This can lead to decreased self-esteem and future risk aversion. 
    • In essence, when teens feel like they can’t succeed, they avoid trying.
    • Explain to your teen that we all have a negative inner critic that drives our thoughts at times. 
    • The inner critic isn’t the problem; it’s what we choose to do with those critical thoughts that matter. 
    • Share a few thoughts that run through your mind when your inner critic is loud. 
    • Talk about how you feel as a result of those thoughts. 
    • Finally, share ways you reframe those negative thoughts to refocus on positive thinking.
    • Helping teens learn to accept their negative emotions, state their negative thoughts, and reframe their thinking gives them the tools to cope with future rejection and other stressful events. 
    • When we normalize the process, teens internalize these skills and are better able to use them when rejection occurs.
    • Rejection is inevitable, even if you, as a parent, try to avoid it for your child. 
    • Your child will face rejection, but if you help them by using these tools, and instilling them with their own coping mechanisms, they will be able to move on from rejection.

[TRANSITION]

[OUTRO AND CREDITS]

Transcription

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[Music]

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insightful podcasts

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[Music]

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by informative hosts

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[Music]

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insights into things a podcast network

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[Music]

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welcome to insights into teens a podcast

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series

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exploring the issues and challenges of

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today’s youth

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your hosts are joseph and madison whalen

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a father and daughter team

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making their way through the challenges

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of the teenage years

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[Applause]

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welcome to insights into teens this is

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episode 118 teens and rejection

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i’m your host joseph whalen and my

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intelligent and inspirational co-host

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madison whalen hi everyone how you doing

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today maddie

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i’m doing all right how about you i’m

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doing okay

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so we took some time off right took uh

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two weeks off yep went on a little

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vacation

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kind of the day trips we didn’t do

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anything crazy right yeah

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and uh last week we probably could have

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did the podcast

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but we were kind of getting back into

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the swing of things at home

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so we took an extra week off yeah in

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that time though we did do some updates

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to the

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studio i have another utility monitor

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here

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you’ll see some of the camera angles are

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a little bit different

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uh we have some new lighting in here um

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but nothing major

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um i did want to do the tiles on the the

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acoustic tiles on the wall but we never

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got around to those

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yeah so anyway we’re uh this is our

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second one we did

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uh insights and entertainment yesterday

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and i did not like some of the camera

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angles so i had to make some adjustments

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um i’m guessing that’s what you were

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doing today

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yes so hopefully um everything will be

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satisfactory

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today so in those two weeks did anything

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exciting happen that you wanted to talk

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about

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um well we had the day trips

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we went i’m not gonna let’s list these

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in order we went to new hope

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lane caster we also went to round one

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which we originally thought was player

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one at the mall

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i keep calling it the wrong name too um

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i had

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a kind of a play date with mariah um

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when we went to go to dave and busters

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who was a guest on this show some time

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back yeah

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in our friends podcast yep uh

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and we also did dnd on saturday

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me and mommy had gone to zolo con on

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sunday yep left me behind for that one

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you were

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you weren’t feeling well you said to go

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without us i didn’t think he actually

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would but okay

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okay uh let’s see what so did you have a

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good time on vacation

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yeah pretty much that’s all that really

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matters yeah

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but that’s not what we’re talking about

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today today we’re talking about

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helping teens handle rejection we’ll

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look at how

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uh rejection is different in teens and

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things

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parents need to keep in mind when

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helping their teens get through it

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we’ll talk about some typical coping

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mechanisms to help teens

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when they do face rejection and finally

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we’ll talk about

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methods that can help our teens heal

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recover

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and come back stronger than ever from

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rejection

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i think we’ve all faced rejection at

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some level we’ll talk about some of

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those different levels too

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before we do that though i do want to

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invite our listeners and our viewers to

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subscribe to the podcast

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we’re

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rushing through the podcast today but

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that’s because we’re under a severe

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thunderstorm warning and i want to get

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the podcast done

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before it hits in the event that we lose

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power hopefully we won’t

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with that in mind are you ready to get

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going sure

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all right

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so how is rejection different for teens

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so today’s research for this segment

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came from scicomm.net and this was

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research that you

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yourself did madison and you did a very

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good job prepping the notes for this

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show by the way

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thank you they say rejection comes in

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many forms during the teen years

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adolescents experience rejections like

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getting cut from a team

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losing the lead role in a play to

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another actor

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or rejection letters from colleges

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these rejections can feel huge and

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life-altering in the moment

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but adolescents also experience a wide

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variety

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of micro rejections on any given day

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now micro injection rejections not

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injections

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micro rejections might include being

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snubbed by a friend at lunch

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appear saying no to a date or feeling

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left out when perusing social media

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no matter the size of the rejection one

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truth

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stays the same rejection hurts

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it feels like the opposite of being

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accepted valued and appreciated

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in the minds of teens rejection feels

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life-altering

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in the case of the dreaded college

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rejection letter for example

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a teen might feel like the hard work of

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high school was wait a wasted effort

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and their goals for the future can no

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longer be achieved

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it’s easy for an adult to assess the

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situation as a minor hindrance

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just another part of life to get over

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and move on from

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but for teens it’s different though how

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um

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so an adult might view the teen’s

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extreme reaction to rejection

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as distorted thinking but for the teen

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attempting to cope with rejection the

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emotional pain is very real

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while some teens go through go to great

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lengths to avoid rejection

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by way of playing it safe staying within

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the boundaries of what they know

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they can achieve and steering clear of

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anything considered a risk

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the truth is that rejection can’t be

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avoided

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rejection rejection is an uncomfortable

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part of life that all teens need to

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learn

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to cope with and work through as they

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prepare for adulthood

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coping with rejection involves working

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through two very important components

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what you feel and what you think these

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two things often exist

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in a cynical cyclical cyclical

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relationship

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in that you your feelings can affect

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your thoughts

0:08:06.080,0:08:09.680
and your thoughts can in turn affect

0:08:08.160,0:08:13.120
your feelings

0:08:09.680,0:08:16.319
ignoring either one or both won’t retr

0:08:13.120,0:08:17.280
won’t reduce the sting of rejection by

0:08:16.319,0:08:20.879
separating them

0:08:17.280,0:08:22.960
and targeting each one will help

0:08:20.879,0:08:25.039
and targeting each one will help reduce

0:08:22.960,0:08:26.160
negative emotional responses to

0:08:25.039,0:08:28.080
rejection

0:08:26.160,0:08:29.919
the good news is that you can help your

0:08:28.080,0:08:33.680
child navigate their struggle

0:08:29.919,0:08:35.680
of coping with rejection so

0:08:33.680,0:08:37.519
the next natural question is have you

0:08:35.680,0:08:40.959
ever experienced rejection

0:08:37.519,0:08:44.080
the way they describe it here um

0:08:40.959,0:08:46.720
probably in various different um

0:08:44.080,0:08:48.480
ideas a lot of it kind of had to do with

0:08:46.720,0:08:51.519
my friendships mainly

0:08:48.480,0:08:52.399
um and kind of how i would kind of feel

0:08:51.519,0:08:55.440
rejected

0:08:52.399,0:08:57.839
in certain ways like if my friends

0:08:55.440,0:08:59.360
were doing something else and didn’t

0:08:57.839,0:09:02.800
really want to play

0:08:59.360,0:09:05.279
what with me or what we were

0:09:02.800,0:09:06.480
what we normally play or something like

0:09:05.279,0:09:08.320
that right

0:09:06.480,0:09:10.240
i probably experienced the heaviest

0:09:08.320,0:09:12.800
amount of rejection in sixth grade

0:09:10.240,0:09:15.279
when i really didn’t feel accepted by

0:09:12.800,0:09:17.360
most of my peers in my class

0:09:15.279,0:09:18.320
none of us were really friends i never

0:09:17.360,0:09:21.360
really like

0:09:18.320,0:09:22.880
hung out with them after school now

0:09:21.360,0:09:25.040
there were people i didn’t get along

0:09:22.880,0:09:26.640
with but for the most part i was kind of

0:09:25.040,0:09:28.640
just

0:09:26.640,0:09:30.320
i don’t know i just felt like i wasn’t

0:09:28.640,0:09:33.519
really a part of the class

0:09:30.320,0:09:36.160
most people i fee i felt ignored me

0:09:33.519,0:09:38.240
and i kind of felt like i really wasn’t

0:09:36.160,0:09:41.279
a part of the class and that

0:09:38.240,0:09:42.240
honestly like i wasn’t very close with

0:09:41.279,0:09:44.640
many of the people

0:09:42.240,0:09:46.480
so it was an interesting form of

0:09:44.640,0:09:48.720
rejection i suppose

0:09:46.480,0:09:49.600
yeah one of the interesting things about

0:09:48.720,0:09:54.800
rejection

0:09:49.600,0:09:56.959
is that it kind of distorts reality

0:09:54.800,0:09:58.399
so when you’re rejected for whatever

0:09:56.959,0:10:03.040
reason a date

0:09:58.399,0:10:06.160
or a friend or something like that

0:10:03.040,0:10:08.160
you try to justify it to yourself as to

0:10:06.160,0:10:10.160
why and a lot of times the thoughts of

0:10:08.160,0:10:13.040
that justification

0:10:10.160,0:10:14.320
tend to lean towards the negative side

0:10:13.040,0:10:16.079
and we’ll talk a little bit more about

0:10:14.320,0:10:19.360
that later

0:10:16.079,0:10:21.279
when you felt rejected did you find that

0:10:19.360,0:10:23.279
you were down on yourself and you

0:10:21.279,0:10:24.320
you thought it was justified that they

0:10:23.279,0:10:27.279
rejected you

0:10:24.320,0:10:29.200
or did you think differently did you

0:10:27.279,0:10:30.800
wonder why they rejected you how was

0:10:29.200,0:10:34.720
your reaction to that

0:10:30.800,0:10:37.920
i mean my main

0:10:34.720,0:10:40.720
um my mate

0:10:37.920,0:10:42.800
i get i probably felt i definitely would

0:10:40.720,0:10:44.959
question like why i wasn’t really

0:10:42.800,0:10:46.720
included because i was just as smart as

0:10:44.959,0:10:49.920
most of the people in my class

0:10:46.720,0:10:53.680
but none of them really seemed to

0:10:49.920,0:10:56.399
you know you know

0:10:53.680,0:10:57.040
accept me i suppose none of them really

0:10:56.399,0:10:59.839
took

0:10:57.040,0:11:00.320
notice of me and then i kind of wondered

0:10:59.839,0:11:05.600
if

0:11:00.320,0:11:05.600
it was me and maybe thought that

0:11:05.680,0:11:10.560
i kind of went in between of wondering

0:11:08.720,0:11:12.399
why they were like this and getting

0:11:10.560,0:11:15.120
upset because of it

0:11:12.399,0:11:16.640
and then kind of justifying it thinking

0:11:15.120,0:11:19.200
it was justified

0:11:16.640,0:11:19.760
yeah one of the uh one of the times or

0:11:19.200,0:11:22.880
one of the

0:11:19.760,0:11:24.959
situations i should say that rejections

0:11:22.880,0:11:28.240
probably had an impact on me

0:11:24.959,0:11:30.000
is going for a job you know anytime that

0:11:28.240,0:11:34.640
you’re out of work

0:11:30.000,0:11:36.640
uh you have this feeling of

0:11:34.640,0:11:38.880
questions of self-worth questions of

0:11:36.640,0:11:41.040
your own ability to

0:11:38.880,0:11:42.560
perform a job already so there’s already

0:11:41.040,0:11:45.120
because unless you

0:11:42.560,0:11:46.800
left the job on your own chances are you

0:11:45.120,0:11:48.720
were let go because

0:11:46.800,0:11:50.320
the company wasn’t doing well maybe you

0:11:48.720,0:11:51.519
had some performance issues whatever it

0:11:50.320,0:11:54.079
was

0:11:51.519,0:11:56.240
so when you go looking for a job and you

0:11:54.079,0:11:57.120
go for a job interview and you walk out

0:11:56.240,0:11:58.720
of that interview

0:11:57.120,0:12:01.519
feeling really good about it that you

0:11:58.720,0:12:03.519
know i i answered all the questions well

0:12:01.519,0:12:05.360
they seem to like me i really like the

0:12:03.519,0:12:08.320
job i really like the company and you

0:12:05.360,0:12:08.320
start to kind of

0:12:08.399,0:12:11.519
get your hopes up and you kind of

0:12:09.920,0:12:13.360
envision yourself

0:12:11.519,0:12:14.320
in that job and how you’re going to like

0:12:13.360,0:12:15.519
it and how you’re going to like the

0:12:14.320,0:12:17.519
company

0:12:15.519,0:12:19.440
and then when you get the the letter

0:12:17.519,0:12:21.279
basically saying that they decided not

0:12:19.440,0:12:24.800
to go with you

0:12:21.279,0:12:26.720
you have this sense of rejection and

0:12:24.800,0:12:29.279
since you already have you might already

0:12:26.720,0:12:31.120
have some underlying negative feelings

0:12:29.279,0:12:33.279
to go along with that because of the

0:12:31.120,0:12:35.920
position that you’re in having not been

0:12:33.279,0:12:36.880
working that sort of feeds into that

0:12:35.920,0:12:38.959
negativity

0:12:36.880,0:12:40.240
so when you when you get that rejection

0:12:38.959,0:12:42.720
letter

0:12:40.240,0:12:44.639
it hurt it hits a little extra hard

0:12:42.720,0:12:47.279
sometimes you know

0:12:44.639,0:12:48.959
um so it happens to everybody it happens

0:12:47.279,0:12:50.880
at all ages

0:12:48.959,0:12:52.560
um but there’s there’s different ways

0:12:50.880,0:12:54.000
you can cope with it you know there’s

0:12:52.560,0:12:55.680
you can take it and

0:12:54.000,0:12:57.120
and run with it and turn it into a

0:12:55.680,0:12:58.720
positive thing

0:12:57.120,0:13:01.120
which is kind of what we hope people

0:12:58.720,0:13:02.959
wind up doing because rejection

0:13:01.120,0:13:05.200
just because you’ve been rejected from

0:13:02.959,0:13:07.519
something or from someone

0:13:05.200,0:13:10.000
it necessarily a bad thing it could be

0:13:07.519,0:13:11.600
an opportunity for you to improve

0:13:10.000,0:13:13.360
uh you know when you’re interviewing for

0:13:11.600,0:13:14.399
instance you may go through four or five

0:13:13.360,0:13:16.160
interviews

0:13:14.399,0:13:17.440
and by the time you get to that fifth

0:13:16.160,0:13:19.600
interview you’re

0:13:17.440,0:13:21.120
very well polished and you know exactly

0:13:19.600,0:13:22.639
how to go in there and answer those

0:13:21.120,0:13:24.560
questions so

0:13:22.639,0:13:27.760
it’s a rehearsal a lot of times and it’s

0:13:24.560,0:13:29.200
a great way to expand yourself

0:13:27.760,0:13:31.120
so let’s take a quick break and we’ll

0:13:29.200,0:13:32.240
come back and we’ll talk about how to

0:13:31.120,0:13:34.130
help your teen

0:13:32.240,0:13:40.730
handle rejection

0:13:34.130,0:13:40.730
[Music]

0:13:42.480,0:13:48.240
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both on the web and on discord

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typical gaming group

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0:14:28.839,0:14:44.560
more visit us on the web today

0:14:32.079,0:14:46.480
at http://www.the2ndsithempire.com welcome back

0:14:44.560,0:14:47.360
to insights into teens today we’re

0:14:46.480,0:14:50.560
talking about

0:14:47.360,0:14:52.880
teens and rejection so how can you help

0:14:50.560,0:14:54.560
your teen handle rejection

0:14:52.880,0:14:57.120
well dismissing or downplaying the

0:14:54.560,0:14:58.880
rejection might feel right to a parent

0:14:57.120,0:15:00.560
on a mission to protect the teen from

0:14:58.880,0:15:03.360
emotional pain

0:15:00.560,0:15:04.480
it can actually intensify the pain

0:15:03.360,0:15:06.560
rejection feels

0:15:04.480,0:15:07.839
isolating and lousy and teens already

0:15:06.560,0:15:10.000
know this

0:15:07.839,0:15:12.160
what they need is sympathy understanding

0:15:10.000,0:15:13.440
and someone who will listen

0:15:12.160,0:15:15.760
they don’t need to be told that their

0:15:13.440,0:15:17.920
pain doesn’t really matter

0:15:15.760,0:15:19.279
when to them it feels like the only

0:15:17.920,0:15:20.959
thing that matters

0:15:19.279,0:15:22.800
what’s the first thing that we should do

0:15:20.959,0:15:23.920
to help our teens to handle their

0:15:22.800,0:15:28.320
rejection

0:15:23.920,0:15:31.199
the first thing one more time

0:15:28.320,0:15:32.800
the first thing we should do is name it

0:15:31.199,0:15:34.720
talk about the specifics of the

0:15:32.800,0:15:36.800
rejection and encourage your teen to

0:15:34.720,0:15:39.839
label the many feelings overwhelming

0:15:36.800,0:15:41.440
their mind in response to the rejection

0:15:39.839,0:15:43.839
label

0:15:41.440,0:15:44.959
labeling emotions is the first step

0:15:43.839,0:15:48.720
toward working

0:15:44.959,0:15:49.440
through through them and moving beyond

0:15:48.720,0:15:51.920
them

0:15:49.440,0:15:53.279
if your teen is unable or unwilling to

0:15:51.920,0:15:55.680
take this step

0:15:53.279,0:15:57.440
label what you’re seeing your girlfriend

0:15:55.680,0:15:58.639
broke up with you and you’re probably

0:15:57.440,0:16:01.519
feeling rejected

0:15:58.639,0:16:03.040
overwhelmed sad and even angry all of

0:16:01.519,0:16:05.680
these feelings are perfectly

0:16:03.040,0:16:07.600
normal reactions to this helping your

0:16:05.680,0:16:08.000
child understand what emotions they are

0:16:07.600,0:16:10.639
feeling

0:16:08.000,0:16:11.440
and why specifically they are feeling

0:16:10.639,0:16:13.360
them

0:16:11.440,0:16:15.920
will help them cope with all sorts of

0:16:13.360,0:16:17.680
situations not just rejection

0:16:15.920,0:16:20.079
and i think this is important and we’ve

0:16:17.680,0:16:22.560
kind of talked about this technique

0:16:20.079,0:16:24.720
about just understanding and handling

0:16:22.560,0:16:27.279
emotions in the past right

0:16:24.720,0:16:28.639
a lot of times as you go through your

0:16:27.279,0:16:30.320
teenage years you

0:16:28.639,0:16:32.720
you experience emotions that you’ve

0:16:30.320,0:16:35.040
never experienced before

0:16:32.720,0:16:37.120
and there’s really no owner’s manual or

0:16:35.040,0:16:39.279
instruction manual to how to handle them

0:16:37.120,0:16:42.800
so a lot of times

0:16:39.279,0:16:47.120
you don’t know what to call the feelings

0:16:42.800,0:16:49.920
like you know how they make you feel and

0:16:47.120,0:16:53.040
when you can’t name them it can be very

0:16:49.920,0:16:56.079
frustrating trying to deal with them

0:16:53.040,0:16:58.000
so just helping your teen to understand

0:16:56.079,0:17:00.079
those feelings and to put a name or a

0:16:58.000,0:17:03.440
label on those feelings

0:17:00.079,0:17:05.120
is really the first step to trying to

0:17:03.440,0:17:07.199
address those and deal with them

0:17:05.120,0:17:08.160
yeah what’s the next one that we should

0:17:07.199,0:17:11.199
talk about

0:17:08.160,0:17:13.520
the next one we have is remain objective

0:17:11.199,0:17:15.280
you might be tempted to yell out all of

0:17:13.520,0:17:16.880
the reasons that your teen should have

0:17:15.280,0:17:19.039
been accepted to

0:17:16.880,0:17:20.880
to that college from which they’ve

0:17:19.039,0:17:22.880
received a rejection letter

0:17:20.880,0:17:26.000
or why your teen’s ex-girlfriend is

0:17:22.880,0:17:28.640
making a huge mistake by breaking up

0:17:26.000,0:17:30.640
with them but responding in anger will

0:17:28.640,0:17:32.559
only intensify your teen’s negative

0:17:30.640,0:17:34.559
emotional response

0:17:32.559,0:17:36.160
teens look to their parents for cues

0:17:34.559,0:17:37.840
when they’re under stress

0:17:36.160,0:17:40.000
it’s essential to remain calm and

0:17:37.840,0:17:41.679
objective in the face of rejection to

0:17:40.000,0:17:42.960
show your teen that your love is

0:17:41.679,0:17:45.120
unconditional

0:17:42.960,0:17:46.400
and this rejection will actually ruin

0:17:45.120,0:17:48.320
their life

0:17:46.400,0:17:50.320
remember your teen will pick up on the

0:17:48.320,0:17:52.480
behavior that you demonstrate

0:17:50.320,0:17:54.799
to demonstrate anger at every rejection

0:17:52.480,0:17:58.000
encourages a sense of entitlement

0:17:54.799,0:18:00.000
and it will be make coping with

0:17:58.000,0:18:02.480
inevitable rejections all the more

0:18:00.000,0:18:04.000
difficult and i gotta say as a parent

0:18:02.480,0:18:07.039
this is a tough one

0:18:04.000,0:18:10.640
because like my first

0:18:07.039,0:18:12.000
reaction anytime i see anybody hurt my

0:18:10.640,0:18:14.960
kids

0:18:12.000,0:18:16.080
is i don’t want to say violent but it’s

0:18:14.960,0:18:18.640
anger

0:18:16.080,0:18:20.559
you know like like i don’t want to see

0:18:18.640,0:18:23.600
anybody hurt my kids

0:18:20.559,0:18:24.960
and my first reaction is to sort of jump

0:18:23.600,0:18:27.520
in their

0:18:24.960,0:18:29.200
white knight shining armor come in and

0:18:27.520,0:18:31.280
save the day

0:18:29.200,0:18:32.559
and that’s not always the best thing to

0:18:31.280,0:18:34.480
do yeah

0:18:32.559,0:18:35.919
so one of the things and honestly one of

0:18:34.480,0:18:37.679
the things this podcast has kind of

0:18:35.919,0:18:40.840
helped me to do

0:18:37.679,0:18:42.640
is to try to be that calm voice of

0:18:40.840,0:18:45.679
reason

0:18:42.640,0:18:48.880
right so when something happens

0:18:45.679,0:18:51.440
let’s understand what happened first

0:18:48.880,0:18:52.000
let’s understand why it happened let’s

0:18:51.440,0:18:53.760
understand

0:18:52.000,0:18:56.480
how we can avoid it happening in the

0:18:53.760,0:18:56.960
future and let’s figure out what our

0:18:56.480,0:19:00.480
lesson

0:18:56.960,0:19:03.520
is to be learned from something i i’m

0:19:00.480,0:19:07.200
less apt to just jump in and and stor

0:19:03.520,0:19:09.120
sort of be angry from the start

0:19:07.200,0:19:11.039
do you find that helpful do you find

0:19:09.120,0:19:13.520
that that kind of attitude is

0:19:11.039,0:19:14.480
is calming and helps you to deal with

0:19:13.520,0:19:16.960
situations

0:19:14.480,0:19:18.559
yeah you’ve definitely act and of course

0:19:16.960,0:19:20.960
like they said before

0:19:18.559,0:19:21.600
kids kind of follow with what their

0:19:20.960,0:19:24.720
parents

0:19:21.600,0:19:26.559
do so you’ve helped me to become much

0:19:24.720,0:19:29.280
more calm whenever i can

0:19:26.559,0:19:31.280
control and understand these kinds of

0:19:29.280,0:19:32.799
situations so i become better at

0:19:31.280,0:19:35.039
handling them myself

0:19:32.799,0:19:37.600
but having you around if i can’t handle

0:19:35.039,0:19:39.520
them myself is always good as well

0:19:37.600,0:19:41.919
yeah and that’s really i mean ultimately

0:19:39.520,0:19:43.919
as as a parent that’s our job it’s

0:19:41.919,0:19:45.600
it’s not to solve your problems it’s to

0:19:43.919,0:19:47.679
teach you how to solve them

0:19:45.600,0:19:48.640
yeah and rejection is one of those ones

0:19:47.679,0:19:51.840
that

0:19:48.640,0:19:53.840
everybody’s going to experience

0:19:51.840,0:19:55.360
as much as i’d like to shelter you from

0:19:53.840,0:19:56.799
it so that you don’t have to face the

0:19:55.360,0:19:57.520
pain because i know how painful it is

0:19:56.799,0:19:59.120
i’ve

0:19:57.520,0:20:01.039
you know especially talking about a

0:19:59.120,0:20:05.520
relationship breakup

0:20:01.039,0:20:07.280
um ironically my probably my

0:20:05.520,0:20:08.880
biggest rejections have been in

0:20:07.280,0:20:10.799
relationships

0:20:08.880,0:20:13.360
um some of have been in relationships

0:20:10.799,0:20:15.679
that existed only in my mind

0:20:13.360,0:20:17.200
you know you you develop feelings for

0:20:15.679,0:20:19.520
someone

0:20:17.200,0:20:20.240
and they don’t have them in return and

0:20:19.520,0:20:24.000
and

0:20:20.240,0:20:26.880
it’s immediate and um

0:20:24.000,0:20:27.760
ultimate rejection i guess you could say

0:20:26.880,0:20:30.400
um

0:20:27.760,0:20:32.320
so you deal with these things

0:20:30.400,0:20:34.159
differently

0:20:32.320,0:20:35.760
so i don’t want to see you go through

0:20:34.159,0:20:38.559
some of the pain that i went through

0:20:35.760,0:20:40.000
and my philosophy has always been why

0:20:38.559,0:20:41.919
make the mistake yourself when you can

0:20:40.000,0:20:43.200
learn from somebody else’s

0:20:41.919,0:20:44.960
but there’s certain things that you

0:20:43.200,0:20:45.440
can’t avoid in life and rejection is one

0:20:44.960,0:20:48.960
of them

0:20:45.440,0:20:50.480
yeah so we we take it with a grain of

0:20:48.960,0:20:53.760
salt we deal with it as we

0:20:50.480,0:20:56.480
as we you know experience it and then

0:20:53.760,0:20:58.240
we learn from it and move on as best we

0:20:56.480,0:21:00.840
can do

0:20:58.240,0:21:03.200
the last thing they talk about is

0:21:00.840,0:21:06.159
connecting they say this is a time to

0:21:03.200,0:21:08.000
convey empathy and understanding

0:21:06.159,0:21:09.760
admitting that you don’t know exactly

0:21:08.000,0:21:10.960
what your teen is feeling right this

0:21:09.760,0:21:12.960
very moment

0:21:10.960,0:21:14.159
but that you do know what it feels like

0:21:12.960,0:21:17.600
to face rejection

0:21:14.159,0:21:19.120
opens the door to conversation

0:21:17.600,0:21:21.200
teens don’t necessarily want

0:21:19.120,0:21:23.360
step-by-step instructions on ways to

0:21:21.200,0:21:25.039
recover from a rejection

0:21:23.360,0:21:26.400
but they do want to connect and talk

0:21:25.039,0:21:29.360
through it

0:21:26.400,0:21:30.000
leaning on past experiences and sharing

0:21:29.360,0:21:32.799
your painful

0:21:30.000,0:21:35.919
memories of rejection as a teen can

0:21:32.799,0:21:38.559
bridge the gap between you and your teen

0:21:35.919,0:21:40.640
with your experiences i’m sorry while

0:21:38.559,0:21:42.480
your experiences are not exactly the

0:21:40.640,0:21:44.720
same as your teens

0:21:42.480,0:21:46.720
you can use them to talk about how you

0:21:44.720,0:21:49.840
felt how you responded

0:21:46.720,0:21:50.320
and what you did to recover now do you

0:21:49.840,0:21:54.000
find

0:21:50.320,0:21:57.200
that useful at all you know when

0:21:54.000,0:21:57.679
when we have these conversations and i

0:21:57.200,0:21:59.520
kind of

0:21:57.679,0:22:00.960
convey some of the experiences that i

0:21:59.520,0:22:04.480
had um

0:22:00.960,0:22:07.360
yeah that probably works just as well as

0:22:04.480,0:22:08.000
just you know helping me out through it

0:22:07.360,0:22:11.280
um

0:22:08.000,0:22:14.080
and it also is probably

0:22:11.280,0:22:14.799
more positive because you know we

0:22:14.080,0:22:18.799
connect

0:22:14.799,0:22:21.840
like this is suggesting and it also

0:22:18.799,0:22:24.880
is a good way to help me you know get

0:22:21.840,0:22:27.520
over rejection if i do face it

0:22:24.880,0:22:30.720
um so i would definitely say this is

0:22:27.520,0:22:32.960
also a pretty good way that um

0:22:30.720,0:22:36.480
you know parents help i don’t want

0:22:32.960,0:22:39.280
talking in general does talking about

0:22:36.480,0:22:40.240
you know not just specifically rejection

0:22:39.280,0:22:42.720
but talking about

0:22:40.240,0:22:43.280
anything in general that’s bothering you

0:22:42.720,0:22:45.200
do you

0:22:43.280,0:22:46.320
find that to be at all helpful or

0:22:45.200,0:22:49.760
therapeutic

0:22:46.320,0:22:53.280
yeah just i remember you

0:22:49.760,0:22:56.320
had had this one metaphor where like

0:22:53.280,0:22:57.120
i was basically kind of um a boiling

0:22:56.320,0:23:00.960
kettle

0:22:57.120,0:23:03.120
basically um i’d boil up

0:23:00.960,0:23:04.320
for the entire day and unless i was

0:23:03.120,0:23:08.159
release some steam

0:23:04.320,0:23:10.400
i’d explode right so talking it out

0:23:08.159,0:23:11.360
would basically be releasing that steam

0:23:10.400,0:23:13.520
and even if

0:23:11.360,0:23:15.360
you didn’t really give me any advice and

0:23:13.520,0:23:17.760
was just there to comfort me

0:23:15.360,0:23:18.960
just letting all of that out was all was

0:23:17.760,0:23:21.760
always something

0:23:18.960,0:23:22.880
um i that always made me feel better

0:23:21.760,0:23:24.960
even when it wasn’t

0:23:22.880,0:23:27.840
really specifically with you if i was at

0:23:24.960,0:23:30.480
recess with mariah and i needed to

0:23:27.840,0:23:31.360
um you know talk to her about something

0:23:30.480,0:23:34.240
i would just

0:23:31.360,0:23:36.880
you know spit out what i was feeling and

0:23:34.240,0:23:39.360
she didn’t really have to comfort me

0:23:36.880,0:23:40.240
if she only really needed to comfort me

0:23:39.360,0:23:42.000
and then

0:23:40.240,0:23:43.679
you know i would feel better just you

0:23:42.000,0:23:45.600
know letting that out

0:23:43.679,0:23:47.279
yeah my mom was like that my mom was a

0:23:45.600,0:23:50.400
very good listener

0:23:47.279,0:23:53.200
and like there were times you know i was

0:23:50.400,0:23:53.679
divorced before and and that had a you

0:23:53.200,0:23:58.640
know

0:23:53.679,0:24:02.000
emotional uh impact on me obviously

0:23:58.640,0:24:03.200
and i didn’t want to talk about it

0:24:02.000,0:24:05.120
i didn’t want to talk about it with

0:24:03.200,0:24:07.120
anybody and we’d even gone through uh

0:24:05.120,0:24:09.200
marriage counseling at the time

0:24:07.120,0:24:10.559
to try to i guess make sense of

0:24:09.200,0:24:13.039
everything

0:24:10.559,0:24:14.799
and i was never the type of person who

0:24:13.039,0:24:16.320
talked about his problems it was always

0:24:14.799,0:24:17.760
one of those things where i kind of kept

0:24:16.320,0:24:19.440
them inside and i dealt with them

0:24:17.760,0:24:23.039
internally

0:24:19.440,0:24:25.039
and my mom was the type of person who

0:24:23.039,0:24:26.880
you’d sit down with her

0:24:25.039,0:24:28.159
and she wouldn’t ask you questions about

0:24:26.880,0:24:30.159
the problem she would just have a

0:24:28.159,0:24:32.159
conversation with you

0:24:30.159,0:24:33.919
and through that conversation you wind

0:24:32.159,0:24:36.159
up talking about the problem and not

0:24:33.919,0:24:38.720
realizing you’re talking about it

0:24:36.159,0:24:40.640
and it might be a 15-minute conversation

0:24:38.720,0:24:43.120
it might be a two-hour long conversation

0:24:40.640,0:24:45.600
but when you got done talking to my mom

0:24:43.120,0:24:47.440
and you walked away you felt better you

0:24:45.600,0:24:49.360
felt like you had a plan you felt like

0:24:47.440,0:24:51.279
you understood the problem

0:24:49.360,0:24:53.760
you felt like you know there was this

0:24:51.279,0:24:58.400
tremendous weight lifted off of you

0:24:53.760,0:25:01.360
and she just sort of had that effect and

0:24:58.400,0:25:04.640
and i don’t know if it was her or just

0:25:01.360,0:25:06.159
her ability to get people to talk

0:25:04.640,0:25:08.320
but i always found that to be very

0:25:06.159,0:25:10.400
therapeutic with my mom

0:25:08.320,0:25:12.320
um whenever there was something bother

0:25:10.400,0:25:14.240
me you know something happened i had a

0:25:12.320,0:25:15.360
fight i had a bad experience whatever it

0:25:14.240,0:25:18.559
was

0:25:15.360,0:25:19.760
she never gave me advice like and she

0:25:18.559,0:25:21.600
would admit that she didn’t really

0:25:19.760,0:25:22.960
understand the circumstances and i think

0:25:21.600,0:25:25.600
that’s why she didn’t want to talk about

0:25:22.960,0:25:29.120
the specifics

0:25:25.600,0:25:30.640
but just that encouragement to talk

0:25:29.120,0:25:32.480
and discuss it and to deal with it

0:25:30.640,0:25:33.360
because a lot of times human beings tend

0:25:32.480,0:25:35.520
to

0:25:33.360,0:25:36.960
compartmentalize these things we kind of

0:25:35.520,0:25:38.400
lock them in a box and stick them in the

0:25:36.960,0:25:40.400
back of our brains

0:25:38.400,0:25:42.000
because we don’t want to deal with them

0:25:40.400,0:25:43.360
and then eventually all those boxes

0:25:42.000,0:25:46.480
start to stack up and they wind up

0:25:43.360,0:25:46.960
falling on us and my mom had a way of

0:25:46.480,0:25:49.120
you know

0:25:46.960,0:25:51.120
pulling that box out and opening it up

0:25:49.120,0:25:53.039
and finding out what was good in that

0:25:51.120,0:25:55.039
box and throwing the stuff out that was

0:25:53.039,0:25:57.279
that was bad that you didn’t need and

0:25:55.039,0:26:00.159
moving on it was kind of like

0:25:57.279,0:26:01.919
you know clear house cleaning um so she

0:26:00.159,0:26:03.200
was very good at that and i think this

0:26:01.919,0:26:04.000
kind of goes along with that that

0:26:03.200,0:26:07.840
connect that

0:26:04.000,0:26:10.400
talk um that that cope with it like

0:26:07.840,0:26:12.559
you have to accept that it’s happening

0:26:10.400,0:26:14.480
right

0:26:12.559,0:26:16.320
so anyway hopefully you get that kind of

0:26:14.480,0:26:19.039
service from us and and hopefully we

0:26:16.320,0:26:20.240
provide that service to some of our

0:26:19.039,0:26:23.360
audience as well

0:26:20.240,0:26:24.480
yeah so let’s take our second break and

0:26:23.360,0:26:26.880
we’re gonna come back

0:26:24.480,0:26:28.080
and talk about bouncing back from

0:26:26.880,0:26:29.410
rejection

0:26:28.080,0:26:37.600
we’ll be right back

0:26:29.410,0:26:40.000
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[Music]

0:27:39.279,0:27:44.080
welcome back to insights into teens

0:27:41.279,0:27:46.080
today we’re talking about rejection

0:27:44.080,0:27:49.200
and now we’re going to talk about how

0:27:46.080,0:27:52.559
teens can bounce back from rejection

0:27:49.200,0:27:55.120
so this research for this segment comes

0:27:52.559,0:27:58.000
from a website called kidshealth.org

0:27:55.120,0:28:01.440
which i’m pretty sure we’ve used before

0:27:58.000,0:28:04.080
so the first thing they say is to be

0:28:01.440,0:28:06.399
positive when you’re dealing with a

0:28:04.080,0:28:08.480
painful emotion like rejection

0:28:06.399,0:28:10.640
it’s easy to get caught up in the bad

0:28:08.480,0:28:12.960
feeling

0:28:10.640,0:28:14.320
but dwelling on the negative stuff can

0:28:12.960,0:28:17.200
feel like

0:28:14.320,0:28:18.799
living the experience over and over

0:28:17.200,0:28:21.679
again

0:28:18.799,0:28:24.799
not only does it keep hurting it becomes

0:28:21.679,0:28:27.600
harder to get past the rejection

0:28:24.799,0:28:28.880
so admit how you feel but don’t dwell on

0:28:27.600,0:28:31.200
it

0:28:28.880,0:28:32.559
avoid talking or thinking about it

0:28:31.200,0:28:35.960
non-stop

0:28:32.559,0:28:39.200
why negative thinking influences our

0:28:35.960,0:28:42.000
expectations and how we act

0:28:39.200,0:28:45.120
getting stuck in a negative outlook

0:28:42.000,0:28:47.600
might even bring about more rejection

0:28:45.120,0:28:48.559
it certainly doesn’t inspire a person to

0:28:47.600,0:28:52.320
try again

0:28:48.559,0:28:54.960
well that’s true so you know this is

0:28:52.320,0:28:55.760
sort of a recurring theme in a lot of

0:28:54.960,0:28:58.080
the

0:28:55.760,0:28:58.880
self-help stuff that we talked about you

0:28:58.080,0:29:02.159
know

0:28:58.880,0:29:05.200
be positive right don’t be negative yeah

0:29:02.159,0:29:07.760
the more negative you are negativity

0:29:05.200,0:29:10.399
leads to negativity

0:29:07.760,0:29:12.000
what do you do and i’m not talking

0:29:10.399,0:29:14.159
specifically about rejection

0:29:12.000,0:29:15.200
but what do you do when something bad

0:29:14.159,0:29:18.960
happens

0:29:15.200,0:29:22.159
to stay positive um

0:29:18.960,0:29:26.399
well some things i would probably do

0:29:22.159,0:29:29.520
to stay positive in most scenarios is to

0:29:26.399,0:29:31.760
try to find somewhat

0:29:29.520,0:29:32.960
um try to look on the bright side at

0:29:31.760,0:29:36.080
least

0:29:32.960,0:29:38.000
like kind of look at the hat

0:29:36.080,0:29:39.679
the glass that’s half full and half

0:29:38.000,0:29:42.720
empty and i try to

0:29:39.679,0:29:46.000
look on the bright side um kind of

0:29:42.720,0:29:47.679
thinking like what good came out of the

0:29:46.000,0:29:50.640
bad scenario

0:29:47.679,0:29:52.320
um how i can kind of learn from it and

0:29:50.640,0:29:54.159
stuff like that

0:29:52.320,0:29:55.919
other ways i can kind of think

0:29:54.159,0:29:58.559
positively

0:29:55.919,0:29:59.039
um what i guess include just being

0:29:58.559,0:30:02.159
around

0:29:59.039,0:30:02.799
positive energy like playing with the

0:30:02.159,0:30:05.120
cats

0:30:02.799,0:30:06.320
watching videos stuff like that things i

0:30:05.120,0:30:08.480
typically enjoy

0:30:06.320,0:30:10.720
and i find it easier to be positive that

0:30:08.480,0:30:12.159
way that’s interesting the use of

0:30:10.720,0:30:14.960
positive energy

0:30:12.159,0:30:15.360
i don’t think a lot of people appreciate

0:30:14.960,0:30:18.720
that

0:30:15.360,0:30:19.600
concept very much and it’s simple things

0:30:18.720,0:30:22.320
like that

0:30:19.600,0:30:22.640
you know spending time with the cats you

0:30:22.320,0:30:24.559
know

0:30:22.640,0:30:25.919
getting that unconditional love that you

0:30:24.559,0:30:30.240
get from a pet

0:30:25.919,0:30:32.080
is is hugely positive yeah um

0:30:30.240,0:30:33.440
even like reading a book or listening to

0:30:32.080,0:30:36.559
a music listening to

0:30:33.440,0:30:38.559
the you know uplifting music it’s stuff

0:30:36.559,0:30:40.640
like that that kind of

0:30:38.559,0:30:42.399
tweaks the brain and you start to

0:30:40.640,0:30:44.559
release those

0:30:42.399,0:30:46.640
those endorphins in the in the brain

0:30:44.559,0:30:48.480
that help you to be more positive and to

0:30:46.640,0:30:50.320
deal with things like that

0:30:48.480,0:30:52.480
and a lot of times people don’t think of

0:30:50.320,0:30:55.039
the physiological effects

0:30:52.480,0:30:55.919
of thinking positive and and what it can

0:30:55.039,0:30:58.159
do for you

0:30:55.919,0:30:59.919
yeah the next thing they talk about and

0:30:58.159,0:31:02.840
this is an interesting concept

0:30:59.919,0:31:04.480
that i liked examining your thought

0:31:02.840,0:31:06.240
soundtrack

0:31:04.480,0:31:08.399
consider how you’re explaining the

0:31:06.240,0:31:11.279
rejection to yourself

0:31:08.399,0:31:14.640
are you being too hard on yourself it’s

0:31:11.279,0:31:17.679
natural to wonder why did this happen

0:31:14.640,0:31:18.240
when you give yourself an explanation be

0:31:17.679,0:31:21.120
careful

0:31:18.240,0:31:22.720
to stick to the facts tell yourself well

0:31:21.120,0:31:24.159
i got turned down for prom

0:31:22.720,0:31:26.399
because the person didn’t want to go

0:31:24.159,0:31:28.080
with me don’t tell yourself

0:31:26.399,0:31:30.720
i got turned down because i’m not

0:31:28.080,0:31:33.600
attractive or i’m such a loser

0:31:30.720,0:31:34.880
those aren’t facts they’re imagining a

0:31:33.600,0:31:37.919
reason

0:31:34.880,0:31:39.679
reading too much into a situation

0:31:37.919,0:31:41.440
if put down thoughts like these start

0:31:39.679,0:31:44.720
creeping into your mind

0:31:41.440,0:31:47.120
shut them down self blaming

0:31:44.720,0:31:49.120
or put down thinking can exaggerate our

0:31:47.120,0:31:52.320
faults and lead us to believe stuff

0:31:49.120,0:31:55.120
about ourselves that simply isn’t true

0:31:52.320,0:31:57.120
this kind of thinking crowds out hope

0:31:55.120,0:31:59.679
and a belief in ourselves

0:31:57.120,0:32:00.559
the very things we need to get past bad

0:31:59.679,0:32:03.919
feeling

0:32:00.559,0:32:05.120
and wanting to try again if you start

0:32:03.919,0:32:08.480
blaming yourself

0:32:05.120,0:32:10.399
for the rejection or put yourself down

0:32:08.480,0:32:11.919
you can start believing you’ll always be

0:32:10.399,0:32:13.919
rejected

0:32:11.919,0:32:15.760
thoughts like i’ll never get a date or

0:32:13.919,0:32:18.399
no one will ever like me

0:32:15.760,0:32:19.840
amplify a simple rejection to disaster

0:32:18.399,0:32:22.240
levels

0:32:19.840,0:32:23.919
rejection can hurt a lot and can be

0:32:22.240,0:32:26.399
terribly disappointing

0:32:23.919,0:32:27.760
but it’s not the end of the road now one

0:32:26.399,0:32:28.480
of the things that we’ve talked about in

0:32:27.760,0:32:32.080
the past

0:32:28.480,0:32:32.960
is you are oftentimes your own worst

0:32:32.080,0:32:37.600
critic

0:32:32.960,0:32:40.240
yeah so how do you avoid

0:32:37.600,0:32:40.640
you know going down this disastrous path

0:32:40.240,0:32:43.279
of

0:32:40.640,0:32:45.279
blowing something out of proportion and

0:32:43.279,0:32:47.760
blaming yourself for it how do you cope

0:32:45.279,0:32:47.760
with that

0:32:50.640,0:32:54.720
do you cope with it there aren’t really

0:32:53.440,0:32:57.840
many things that can

0:32:54.720,0:33:00.559
help with that um but one of them

0:32:57.840,0:33:03.840
is talking it out with you kind of

0:33:00.559,0:33:06.720
talking out with you guys kind of saying

0:33:03.840,0:33:07.039
how i think and you know talking about

0:33:06.720,0:33:10.080
the

0:33:07.039,0:33:12.559
negative thoughts that i or

0:33:10.080,0:33:13.200
the monster that kind of roams around me

0:33:12.559,0:33:17.200
whenever

0:33:13.200,0:33:20.399
i just feel negative emotions

0:33:17.200,0:33:22.000
i typically would go to you kind of just

0:33:20.399,0:33:24.559
express these emotions

0:33:22.000,0:33:26.000
and you know connect with you but you

0:33:24.559,0:33:28.559
know also

0:33:26.000,0:33:29.200
you just being the outlet for me to kind

0:33:28.559,0:33:31.679
of just

0:33:29.200,0:33:34.159
talk out my problems and maybe offer

0:33:31.679,0:33:35.600
your own solutions to them

0:33:34.159,0:33:37.519
um that’s probably one of the main

0:33:35.600,0:33:40.000
things i would do

0:33:37.519,0:33:41.519
one of the things that i try to to kind

0:33:40.000,0:33:44.960
of

0:33:41.519,0:33:46.000
suggest that you do is to look at your

0:33:44.960,0:33:49.039
track record

0:33:46.000,0:33:50.559
right like sometimes you get concerned

0:33:49.039,0:33:51.919
about your academics

0:33:50.559,0:33:54.159
despite the fact that you bring home

0:33:51.919,0:33:56.320
straight a’s i like i have no idea why

0:33:54.159,0:33:57.840
you get so concerned about them

0:33:56.320,0:33:59.519
like you’ll get yourself psyched off

0:33:57.840,0:34:01.440
about a test thinking that you’re not

0:33:59.519,0:34:05.519
going to do well on it

0:34:01.440,0:34:07.600
and you’ve never not done well on it

0:34:05.519,0:34:09.280
so one of the things i that like i don’t

0:34:07.600,0:34:12.000
want you to get complacent

0:34:09.280,0:34:14.079
yeah but like it’s important to look at

0:34:12.000,0:34:15.599
how you’ve handled things

0:34:14.079,0:34:17.359
school you’re going into a new school

0:34:15.599,0:34:19.359
you’re going into high school

0:34:17.359,0:34:21.200
a lot of anxiety a lot of nervousness

0:34:19.359,0:34:22.879
right

0:34:21.200,0:34:24.320
but this is the third time you’ve done

0:34:22.879,0:34:26.320
it and

0:34:24.320,0:34:28.480
every other time you’ve gotten upset

0:34:26.320,0:34:30.480
about going into a new school

0:34:28.480,0:34:31.839
and you’ve aced it you’ve knocked it out

0:34:30.480,0:34:33.760
of the park

0:34:31.839,0:34:35.839
so at this point in time you kind of

0:34:33.760,0:34:37.280
have to look back and say well

0:34:35.839,0:34:39.599
all right so it’s another school big

0:34:37.280,0:34:41.280
deal i’ve done it twice already and

0:34:39.599,0:34:43.040
three times already and what’s the big

0:34:41.280,0:34:45.200
deal i’ll deal with it

0:34:43.040,0:34:47.679
i’ll take it as it comes and whatever

0:34:45.200,0:34:50.560
happens happens and we’ll deal with it

0:34:47.679,0:34:51.200
because you’ve done that in the past you

0:34:50.560,0:34:53.839
know

0:34:51.200,0:34:55.760
yeah that math test oh man that’s a that

0:34:53.839,0:34:57.200
was a tough math test i studied for it i

0:34:55.760,0:35:00.560
did everything i could

0:34:57.200,0:35:02.240
i got to take the test now okay well

0:35:00.560,0:35:04.079
the last test you did you had the same

0:35:02.240,0:35:05.440
thing and you got a you got an a on that

0:35:04.079,0:35:06.880
one and the one before that the one

0:35:05.440,0:35:10.880
before that

0:35:06.880,0:35:14.079
you know until you start having failures

0:35:10.880,0:35:17.839
or you start missing things

0:35:14.079,0:35:21.040
you really shouldn’t put yourself down

0:35:17.839,0:35:21.359
because you consistently perform so i

0:35:21.040,0:35:24.000
think

0:35:21.359,0:35:24.960
looking at your successes is something

0:35:24.000,0:35:26.480
that that

0:35:24.960,0:35:28.240
should be instilling that level of

0:35:26.480,0:35:29.520
confidence in you like all right we’ll

0:35:28.240,0:35:30.800
deal with it what’s the big deal it’s

0:35:29.520,0:35:33.599
not the first time we’ve done it it’s

0:35:30.800,0:35:36.400
not going to be the last time we do it

0:35:33.599,0:35:38.079
so i think if you can draw some level of

0:35:36.400,0:35:40.400
confidence from that it’ll help some of

0:35:38.079,0:35:42.079
those negative feelings

0:35:40.400,0:35:43.680
mommy and i have total confidence and

0:35:42.079,0:35:45.119
that’s why we encourage you to go into

0:35:43.680,0:35:48.000
all the advanced classes

0:35:45.119,0:35:49.920
this coming year so i think you’ll do

0:35:48.000,0:35:51.839
fine i think if anything my biggest

0:35:49.920,0:35:54.720
concern for you

0:35:51.839,0:35:55.680
is not being challenged because if

0:35:54.720,0:35:59.359
someone like you

0:35:55.680,0:36:01.599
is not challenged you’re you’ll stagnate

0:35:59.359,0:36:02.880
you know you’ll do just enough to get by

0:36:01.599,0:36:03.440
because that’s what’s required and

0:36:02.880,0:36:06.720
that’s

0:36:03.440,0:36:08.960
excellent for you um

0:36:06.720,0:36:10.560
because of of how well you do and and

0:36:08.960,0:36:12.240
it’s good that you challenge yourself

0:36:10.560,0:36:14.079
i don’t want you to take the the wrong

0:36:12.240,0:36:16.480
impression there but

0:36:14.079,0:36:17.680
not to the point of generating anxiety

0:36:16.480,0:36:21.280
needlessly

0:36:17.680,0:36:23.760
yeah so dealing with positive emotions

0:36:21.280,0:36:26.000
and negative emotions is important very

0:36:23.760,0:36:28.640
important because

0:36:26.000,0:36:29.599
they can be self-fulfilling prophecies

0:36:28.640,0:36:31.599
here if you

0:36:29.599,0:36:32.640
if you get negative and you get down on

0:36:31.599,0:36:34.960
yourself and that’s really what they’re

0:36:32.640,0:36:37.359
talking about here

0:36:34.960,0:36:39.200
what’s the next thing they talk about

0:36:37.359,0:36:40.640
the next thing they talk about is keep

0:36:39.200,0:36:43.280
things in perspective

0:36:40.640,0:36:44.320
tell yourself okay so i got rejected

0:36:43.280,0:36:47.760
this time

0:36:44.320,0:36:51.040
maybe next time i’ll get a yes

0:36:47.760,0:36:54.079
or oh well this is what happened

0:36:51.040,0:36:56.800
i don’t like it it’s not how

0:36:54.079,0:36:57.920
i wanted things to work out but everyone

0:36:56.800,0:37:01.680
gets rejected

0:36:57.920,0:37:04.960
and i can try again think about what

0:37:01.680,0:37:07.920
you’re good at and what’s good about you

0:37:04.960,0:37:09.599
remember times when you’ve been accepted

0:37:07.920,0:37:12.800
when you’ve made the cut

0:37:09.599,0:37:15.359
and when someone told you yes think

0:37:12.800,0:37:16.880
of all the people who like you and

0:37:15.359,0:37:19.920
support you

0:37:16.880,0:37:20.720
give yourself credit for trying you took

0:37:19.920,0:37:23.359
a risk

0:37:20.720,0:37:25.839
good for you remind yourself that you

0:37:23.359,0:37:27.760
can handle the rejection

0:37:25.839,0:37:29.440
even though you were turned down now

0:37:27.760,0:37:32.000
there will be another opportunity

0:37:29.440,0:37:35.440
another time

0:37:32.000,0:37:38.400
get cycle philosophical

0:37:35.440,0:37:40.240
get philosophical sometimes things

0:37:38.400,0:37:42.000
happen for reasons we don’t always

0:37:40.240,0:37:44.000
understand

0:37:42.000,0:37:46.480
so this one had an interesting point

0:37:44.000,0:37:48.960
here and that is you took a risk

0:37:46.480,0:37:50.079
good for you there are a lot of people

0:37:48.960,0:37:54.079
out there who just

0:37:50.079,0:37:57.040
play it safe and life is a risk-reward

0:37:54.079,0:37:58.320
system if you don’t take a risk you

0:37:57.040,0:38:01.359
won’t get a reward

0:37:58.320,0:38:03.520
yeah so a lot of times

0:38:01.359,0:38:04.800
the rejection comes from taking that

0:38:03.520,0:38:07.200
risk

0:38:04.800,0:38:08.400
and you kind of have to accept it

0:38:07.200,0:38:10.960
because

0:38:08.400,0:38:12.320
when you don’t get rejected the reward

0:38:10.960,0:38:14.800
is significant

0:38:12.320,0:38:16.720
yeah if you just want to go through life

0:38:14.800,0:38:19.599
playing it safe

0:38:16.720,0:38:22.320
you can do that and probably minimize

0:38:19.599,0:38:25.440
your chance of being rejected

0:38:22.320,0:38:27.040
but you’ll also limit what you can do

0:38:25.440,0:38:28.480
you know if you just stay in your

0:38:27.040,0:38:31.280
regular math class

0:38:28.480,0:38:32.800
you’ll do fine you’ll get through school

0:38:31.280,0:38:35.440
you’ll get your grades

0:38:32.800,0:38:37.200
and everything will be fine you try to

0:38:35.440,0:38:38.880
get into college

0:38:37.200,0:38:41.440
if you want to be an engineer you try to

0:38:38.880,0:38:44.079
go be an engineer with

0:38:41.440,0:38:45.040
average grades you’re probably not going

0:38:44.079,0:38:47.760
to get the kind of

0:38:45.040,0:38:48.640
position that you want but if you take

0:38:47.760,0:38:51.920
that risk

0:38:48.640,0:38:54.160
and you take that advanced class

0:38:51.920,0:38:56.400
the reward that you get from that will

0:38:54.160,0:38:58.160
far outweigh

0:38:56.400,0:38:59.760
the risk that you’re putting into it

0:38:58.160,0:39:02.400
normally

0:38:59.760,0:39:03.359
so i’m not saying bet the farm on

0:39:02.400,0:39:05.920
everything

0:39:03.359,0:39:07.359
yeah you know but you kind of have to

0:39:05.920,0:39:10.400
pick your battles and pick your

0:39:07.359,0:39:12.000
your risks um

0:39:10.400,0:39:15.040
and you have to look at it objectively

0:39:12.000,0:39:17.359
and see where your risks are going to be

0:39:15.040,0:39:19.119
and what the rewards are going to be and

0:39:17.359,0:39:22.000
when you take that risk and you

0:39:19.119,0:39:22.560
fail you don’t let that discourage you

0:39:22.000,0:39:25.119
yeah

0:39:22.560,0:39:26.160
you know how many times you throw a dart

0:39:25.119,0:39:29.440
of the dart board and

0:39:26.160,0:39:31.440
it hits the bull’s eye one in 10

0:39:29.440,0:39:33.200
100 maybe but it doesn’t stop you from

0:39:31.440,0:39:35.040
throwing the darts yeah

0:39:33.200,0:39:36.880
so you get up and you do it again you

0:39:35.040,0:39:38.400
ride a bike you fall you get up you do

0:39:36.880,0:39:39.359
it again you ride a bike you fall you

0:39:38.400,0:39:42.160
get up and do it again

0:39:39.359,0:39:43.520
so you can ride that bike you know i got

0:39:42.160,0:39:45.680
a lot of skin knees when i was learning

0:39:43.520,0:39:47.760
to ride a bike

0:39:45.680,0:39:49.119
but that time that i didn’t need those

0:39:47.760,0:39:52.560
training wheels anymore

0:39:49.119,0:39:53.760
was more than worth it so the risk

0:39:52.560,0:39:56.079
reward is something that

0:39:53.760,0:39:57.040
you really have to take a look at and

0:39:56.079,0:39:59.440
even when you

0:39:57.040,0:40:00.079
fail you have to pat yourself on the

0:39:59.440,0:40:02.000
back for

0:40:00.079,0:40:03.680
for having the carriage to take that

0:40:02.000,0:40:08.000
risk

0:40:03.680,0:40:09.520
you know when you took your advanced um

0:40:08.000,0:40:10.800
what what advanced claim it was advanced

0:40:09.520,0:40:11.200
math that you were in the first one

0:40:10.800,0:40:14.480
right

0:40:11.200,0:40:16.800
yeah and it was hard it was tough

0:40:14.480,0:40:18.560
and when you brought that first a home

0:40:16.800,0:40:22.000
how did that make you feel

0:40:18.560,0:40:22.400
really happy exactly and and the next

0:40:22.000,0:40:25.920
day

0:40:22.400,0:40:28.079
and the next day and you know you were

0:40:25.920,0:40:29.680
able to consistently do that because you

0:40:28.079,0:40:31.440
pushed yourself

0:40:29.680,0:40:33.520
now had you not been in advancing you’ve

0:40:31.440,0:40:36.000
been in a lower lower level math you

0:40:33.520,0:40:37.359
would have brought a’s home constantly

0:40:36.000,0:40:39.359
but it wouldn’t have felt as good

0:40:37.359,0:40:41.200
because it would have been easy yeah

0:40:39.359,0:40:43.040
you know if you don’t try for something

0:40:41.200,0:40:44.720
it’s hardly worth the reward that you

0:40:43.040,0:40:46.400
get from it

0:40:44.720,0:40:48.400
and rejection happens to be one of the

0:40:46.400,0:40:51.920
consequences that you have to live with

0:40:48.400,0:40:55.599
when you do that so they talk about

0:40:51.920,0:40:59.359
using rejection to your advantage

0:40:55.599,0:41:02.640
a rejection is a chance to consider

0:40:59.359,0:41:04.319
if there are things we can work on

0:41:02.640,0:41:06.560
it’s okay to think about whether there’s

0:41:04.319,0:41:09.119
room for improvement or if your goals

0:41:06.560,0:41:10.319
were higher than your skills

0:41:09.119,0:41:12.720
sometimes it puts things into

0:41:10.319,0:41:14.480
perspective if your skills weren’t

0:41:12.720,0:41:16.640
strong enough this time

0:41:14.480,0:41:19.280
maybe you need to work on your game your

0:41:16.640,0:41:21.200
studies your interview technique

0:41:19.280,0:41:24.160
or whatever it takes to improve your

0:41:21.200,0:41:27.040
chances of getting accepted next time

0:41:24.160,0:41:29.040
use the rejection as an opportunity for

0:41:27.040,0:41:31.359
self-improvement

0:41:29.040,0:41:32.640
sometimes a rejection is a harsh reality

0:41:31.359,0:41:34.880
check

0:41:32.640,0:41:36.800
but if you approach it right it could

0:41:34.880,0:41:38.880
help nudge you in a direction

0:41:36.800,0:41:39.920
that turns out to be the perfect fit for

0:41:38.880,0:41:42.560
your talents

0:41:39.920,0:41:44.160
your personality and all the really

0:41:42.560,0:41:47.359
great things that make you

0:41:44.160,0:41:48.000
who you are so when you come to me a

0:41:47.359,0:41:50.160
great example

0:41:48.000,0:41:52.560
of this is when you come to me with a a

0:41:50.160,0:41:56.000
drawing for instance

0:41:52.560,0:41:57.680
and i look at it what do i do what’s the

0:41:56.000,0:42:01.040
first thing that i do

0:41:57.680,0:42:05.119
um you

0:42:01.040,0:42:07.359
you typically um think

0:42:05.119,0:42:08.960
you’d kind of think you kind of take a

0:42:07.359,0:42:11.680
glance at it and kind of

0:42:08.960,0:42:13.200
see like what you think i can improve on

0:42:11.680,0:42:14.880
exactly

0:42:13.200,0:42:17.760
it’s not when like we talked about this

0:42:14.880,0:42:19.760
when we talked about lying

0:42:17.760,0:42:21.520
if i just told you whenever you brought

0:42:19.760,0:42:24.319
something to me i love it it’s great

0:42:21.520,0:42:28.160
it’s perfect the way it is

0:42:24.319,0:42:29.920
you’d never improve yeah now if you came

0:42:28.160,0:42:31.280
to me and it was perfect i would tell

0:42:29.920,0:42:32.880
you

0:42:31.280,0:42:34.240
but when you come to me and there’s

0:42:32.880,0:42:36.160
things that you can improve that would

0:42:34.240,0:42:39.040
make you better

0:42:36.160,0:42:40.880
as a parent i’m obligated to help you

0:42:39.040,0:42:43.280
with that

0:42:40.880,0:42:44.079
this is sort of along the same lines so

0:42:43.280,0:42:46.640
when you go

0:42:44.079,0:42:48.400
and you apply to college and you get

0:42:46.640,0:42:50.800
rejected they may or may not come back

0:42:48.400,0:42:51.839
and tell you why you were rejected

0:42:50.800,0:42:53.200
but you’re going to look at that

0:42:51.839,0:42:54.640
rejection letter and you’re going to

0:42:53.200,0:42:55.040
look at your application and you’re

0:42:54.640,0:42:57.760
going to

0:42:55.040,0:42:58.960
analyze it and you’ll come up with ways

0:42:57.760,0:43:01.280
to improve

0:42:58.960,0:43:02.880
the next time you submit a uh

0:43:01.280,0:43:05.440
application

0:43:02.880,0:43:06.240
you go to a job interview and you think

0:43:05.440,0:43:08.480
everything went

0:43:06.240,0:43:10.319
great during that interview but you get

0:43:08.480,0:43:12.480
a rejection letter

0:43:10.319,0:43:13.440
you’re gonna go back and you’re going to

0:43:12.480,0:43:15.760
question well

0:43:13.440,0:43:17.599
maybe that answer i gave to the question

0:43:15.760,0:43:18.000
about what i really liked about my last

0:43:17.599,0:43:21.200
job

0:43:18.000,0:43:23.280
probably wasn’t the best answer or

0:43:21.200,0:43:24.480
maybe i was too familiar with the guy

0:43:23.280,0:43:26.880
maybe i was

0:43:24.480,0:43:29.440
i was too casual with him or maybe i

0:43:26.880,0:43:31.119
didn’t dress the part or whatever

0:43:29.440,0:43:32.800
you know maybe my resume wasn’t as

0:43:31.119,0:43:35.599
polished as it should be

0:43:32.800,0:43:38.160
it’s gonna make you look at what you put

0:43:35.599,0:43:41.200
on the table at that point in time

0:43:38.160,0:43:43.040
and help you to improve yourself and

0:43:41.200,0:43:45.920
anytime you have an opportunity

0:43:43.040,0:43:46.880
to improve yourself it’s a good thing

0:43:45.920,0:43:50.400
yeah

0:43:46.880,0:43:53.119
so that’s where you can take it to your

0:43:50.400,0:43:54.880
advantage at that point in time

0:43:53.119,0:43:57.520
what’s what’s the last one that we have

0:43:54.880,0:43:58.960
here the last one we have is examine the

0:43:57.520,0:44:00.800
thought process

0:43:58.960,0:44:02.079
when teens are stuck in a negative

0:44:00.800,0:44:05.599
thought cycle

0:44:02.079,0:44:08.560
they can develop negative core beliefs

0:44:05.599,0:44:08.880
this can lead to decreased self-esteem

0:44:08.560,0:44:12.400
and

0:44:08.880,0:44:15.520
future risk adversation

0:44:12.400,0:44:15.520
aversion aversion

0:44:15.920,0:44:23.200
in essence when teens feel like

0:44:19.280,0:44:25.680
they can’t succeed they avoid trying

0:44:23.200,0:44:27.200
explain to your teen that we all have a

0:44:25.680,0:44:30.160
negative inner critic

0:44:27.200,0:44:30.960
that drives our thoughts at times the

0:44:30.160,0:44:33.520
inner critic

0:44:30.960,0:44:35.520
isn’t the problem it’s what we choose to

0:44:33.520,0:44:36.319
do with those critical thoughts that

0:44:35.520,0:44:40.160
matter

0:44:36.319,0:44:42.160
matter share a few thoughts that run

0:44:40.160,0:44:45.680
through your mind when your inner critic

0:44:42.160,0:44:48.960
is loud talk about how you feel

0:44:45.680,0:44:52.319
as a result of those thoughts finally

0:44:48.960,0:44:55.440
show ways you

0:44:52.319,0:44:58.560
reframe those negative thoughts

0:44:55.440,0:45:00.319
to refocus on positive thinking

0:44:58.560,0:45:01.760
helping teens learn to accept their

0:45:00.319,0:45:03.920
negative emotions

0:45:01.760,0:45:06.079
state their negative thoughts and

0:45:03.920,0:45:08.400
reframe their thinking gives them the

0:45:06.079,0:45:11.839
tools to cope with future rejection

0:45:08.400,0:45:13.520
and other stressful events when we

0:45:11.839,0:45:15.920
normalize the process

0:45:13.520,0:45:16.560
teens internalize these skills and are

0:45:15.920,0:45:20.079
able

0:45:16.560,0:45:23.359
to use them when rejection occurs

0:45:20.079,0:45:24.000
rejection is inevitable even if you as a

0:45:23.359,0:45:27.359
parent

0:45:24.000,0:45:29.599
try to avoid it for your child

0:45:27.359,0:45:32.079
your child will face rejection but if

0:45:29.599,0:45:34.560
you help them by using these tools

0:45:32.079,0:45:36.160
and instilling them with their own

0:45:34.560,0:45:37.839
coping mechanisms

0:45:36.160,0:45:39.200
they will be able to move on from

0:45:37.839,0:45:43.040
rejection

0:45:39.200,0:45:44.160
well said and and these are proven

0:45:43.040,0:45:47.040
techniques

0:45:44.160,0:45:48.000
you know i’ve used them to some extent

0:45:47.040,0:45:51.839
i’ve imparted

0:45:48.000,0:45:53.680
them to you to a certain extent

0:45:51.839,0:45:56.400
really the the important thing is you’re

0:45:53.680,0:45:58.400
always striving to improve

0:45:56.400,0:45:59.920
you know we may fail for different

0:45:58.400,0:46:01.760
reasons and we don’t know what those

0:45:59.920,0:46:03.520
reasons are

0:46:01.760,0:46:06.400
but as soon as you find out what those

0:46:03.520,0:46:08.800
reasons are you can improve yourself

0:46:06.400,0:46:10.319
you know if you don’t do well in school

0:46:08.800,0:46:11.760
they’ll usually come back and tell you

0:46:10.319,0:46:14.079
what your problem is

0:46:11.760,0:46:15.040
yeah where you feel what answer you got

0:46:14.079,0:46:18.480
wrong

0:46:15.040,0:46:21.760
what skills you need to work on so

0:46:18.480,0:46:24.319
school isn’t really a good life lesson

0:46:21.760,0:46:25.920
for learning about rejection yeah

0:46:24.319,0:46:27.359
because school is a little too clinical

0:46:25.920,0:46:30.160
when it comes to that

0:46:27.359,0:46:31.760
yeah and rejection really is something

0:46:30.160,0:46:33.599
that’s more of a real world thing

0:46:31.760,0:46:36.240
if you don’t experience it it’s very

0:46:33.599,0:46:37.599
difficult to understand how to overcome

0:46:36.240,0:46:39.280
it

0:46:37.599,0:46:41.359
and some of what we talked about here

0:46:39.280,0:46:42.800
should help with that and uh

0:46:41.359,0:46:46.640
you know i think the important thing is

0:46:42.800,0:46:49.119
communicate and talk right

0:46:46.640,0:46:50.079
so we’ll take a quick break we’ll come

0:46:49.119,0:46:54.800
back and we’ll

0:46:50.079,0:46:54.800
get your closing thoughts all righty all

0:46:54.839,0:46:57.839
right

0:46:58.400,0:47:01.520
go over your closing thoughts all right

0:47:01.119,0:47:04.560
so

0:47:01.520,0:47:06.160
to everyone out there teens parents

0:47:04.560,0:47:09.200
whoever you are

0:47:06.160,0:47:12.240
um i do want to reiterate again

0:47:09.200,0:47:14.240
our teens like myself

0:47:12.240,0:47:15.359
experience rejection a lot differently

0:47:14.240,0:47:17.760
than adults

0:47:15.359,0:47:19.440
so parents of teens should probably

0:47:17.760,0:47:21.920
utilize some of the skills

0:47:19.440,0:47:23.200
we have here in order to deal with

0:47:21.920,0:47:25.920
ejection

0:47:23.200,0:47:27.440
and if you are an adult that is actually

0:47:25.920,0:47:28.960
that does actually have problems with

0:47:27.440,0:47:31.200
rejection

0:47:28.960,0:47:33.599
these i’m pretty sure these tips can

0:47:31.200,0:47:35.280
also help anyone out there really

0:47:33.599,0:47:37.200
and they’re not really just subjectively

0:47:35.280,0:47:39.920
to teens um

0:47:37.200,0:47:41.280
but you know for the parents out there

0:47:39.920,0:47:43.119
please use

0:47:41.280,0:47:44.319
what we mentioned for how to help you

0:47:43.119,0:47:47.680
teens you know

0:47:44.319,0:47:50.960
all right sage advice as always

0:47:47.680,0:47:52.079
thank you so i think that’s about all we

0:47:50.960,0:47:54.079
had today before

0:47:52.079,0:47:55.359
we do go i do want to once again plug

0:47:54.079,0:47:57.520
the show and tell you that you can

0:47:55.359,0:47:59.599
subscribe to the audio versions of this

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0:47:59.599,0:48:05.200
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0:48:02.559,0:48:06.240
versions will be listed as insights into

0:48:05.200,0:48:08.720
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0:48:06.240,0:48:10.960
you can find us on apple podcast spotify

0:48:08.720,0:48:14.079
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0:48:10.960,0:48:16.319
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0:48:14.079,0:48:18.160
would also invite you to

0:48:16.319,0:48:19.599
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0:48:18.160,0:48:22.800
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0:49:15.599,0:49:21.040
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0:49:19.599,0:49:23.280
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0:49:21.040,0:49:24.319
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0:49:23.280,0:49:26.000
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0:49:24.319,0:49:27.839
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0:49:27.839,0:49:30.960
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0:49:28.880,0:49:45.190
that’s it another one in the box bye

0:49:30.960,0:49:55.050
everyone bye

0:49:45.190,0:49:55.050
[Music]

0:50:01.200,0:50:03.280
you

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