Insights Into Teens: Episode 115 “Morals and Ethics”

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What are morals, ethics and integrity and why are they important in life? We’ll take a look at some of the ethical dilemmas facing our teens and discuss ways to train our teens to be more morally centered and ethical in how they conduct themselves. Finally we’ll do some role playing and pose questions you can ask teens to help lead your discussion on morals and ethics to better illustrate their decision and the consequences associated with them.

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Show Notes

INTRO THEME]

  • [INTRODUCTIONS]
    • Insights Into Teens: Episode 115 “Morals and Ethics”
    • My fair minded and ethical co-host Madison Whalen
    • Summary
      • What are morals, ethics and integrity and why are they important in life? We’ll take a look at some of the ethical dilemmas facing our teens and discuss ways to train our teens to be more morally centered and ethical in how they conduct themselves. Finally we’ll do some role playing and pose questions you can ask teens to help lead your discussion on morals and ethics to better illustrate their decision and the consequences associated with them.
    • [Show Plugs]

[TRANSITION]

   [SEGMENT 1] 

  • Ethics, Morals and Integrity
  • https://middleearthnj.org/2018/02/12/help-your-teen-become-an-ethical-thinker/ 
  • https://bit.ly/35QVV9y 
    • Our culture does not always seem to value integrity, and our youth receive a lot of mixed messages about the merit of having good principles. 
    • Some teens have seen too many adults acting unethically to believe it’s important. 
    • Many teens want to do good deeds but they struggle to find the courage to “do the right thing” at times.
    • The fact is, teenagers make tough decisions every day, and peer pressure often makes it more difficult for them to choose the right path. 
    • Providing our youth vague advice, such as “do the right thing!” does not provide them with the reasons and means to follow through, nor does it allow them the opportunity to think through the complexities of living responsibly in our culture. 

[AD1: SSE]

[SEGMENT 2]

  • Common ethical dilemmas that teens face:
  • Cheating. 
    • Cheating is epidemic in our schools, making it a common problem teens face daily. 
    • The importance placed on grades puts a lot of pressure on teens which can give them the mentality that it’s ok to do whatever it takes to succeed. 
    • Teens might give a peer answers to a test to please a friend or to fit in. 
    • Teens who might be penalized for getting a low grade (e.g., getting kicked off a sports team or losing some privilege from a parent) might justify cheating.
  • Lying. 
    • Teens are often tempted to lie for many reasons, such as wanting to fit in with their peers, get out of responsibilities, avoid punishment, protect a friend, hide their own bad behavior, or avoid disappointing someone.
  • Snitching. 
    • In the teenage world, snitching is perceived as a betrayal of your peers and can lead to harsh rejection. 
    • Teens often know they should tell an adult if they see someone stealing, cheating, using drugs, bullying someone, or acting suicidal, but the fear of the consequences from their peers is difficult to overcome.
  • Experimenting. 
    • Youth face the ethical dilemma of choosing whether to smoke, drink alcohol, or try other drugs. 
    • Teens can develop many justifications for experimenting with these substances, and they face a significant amount of peer pressure in this area.
  • With so many challenges, how can we help our youth to value integrity and pursue ethical actions? Like with so many other values you want to instill, you must train them.
  • Ways to train teens to be ethical thinkers:
    • Focus on values. 
      • Our culture exposes teens to many negative messages. 
      • Movies, TV shows, and news stories frequently highlight the bad behavior of adults. 
      • As a result, our positive messages of good values must be more powerful, more frequent, and more compelling than those other messages. 
      • Whenever you see positive ethical stories in the media (news, movies, etc) or in the books they read, bring them up and talk about them.
    • Label them good. 
      • We need to help our youth define themselves as good people who are learning. 
      • This requires frequently telling teens that they are good people. 
      • When they make a mistake, we should state that it is simply a detour from a path that they can return to. 
      • Never label your teen a cheater, liar, or thief – remind them that they are good and help guide them back to an ethical path. 
      • Additionally, make sure you tell your teens that you value being honorable and responsible more than any other measure of success, such as grades.
    • Help them find their contribution in the world. 
      • When an individual discovers a way to help others or make their community a better place, they will find true meaning and purpose, which solidifies their moral identity. 
      • Help your teen learn to use their own interests and strengths to improve the lives of others or serve the community.
    • Offer a broader perspective. 
      • When facing a decision, all humans typically start with determining which choice is most beneficial to themselves. 
      • Help your teen broaden their framework by using stories or your own experiences to discuss how our choices impact others, our schools, the communities we live in, and even the long-term greater good of society. 
      • Seeing the whole ethical picture can help teens stop before they do something they will later regret. 
      • It’s also a good idea to point out the joys of doing the right thing.
    • Express confidence in their ability to make ethical choices. 
      • People often live up to others’ expectations of them. 
      • If you tell your teen not to do drugs, but then say you think they will probably drink alcohol at a party, you have told them you expect them to fail. 
      • Instead convey your certainty that they have the strength, values, and determination to make an ethical choice even when it’s difficult.
    • Create open communication. 
      • One of the best ways to help youth think through ethical dilemmas is to ask them open ended questions. 
      • These questions, which can make great dinner conversations, get them thinking about different situations they may face in life and also allow you to share your values without lecturing or preaching. 

[AD2: ENTERTAINMENT]

[SEGMENT 3] 

  • What would you do if :
    • you saw a kid cheating off of your test paper?
    • your friends starting making fun of someone?
    • your best friend was wearing something ugly and asked how she looked?
    • someone put on a movie that you know isn’t good for you to watch?
    • you saw a friend shoplifting?
    • your friend was being abused in a dating relationship or by their parent but they asked you not to tell?
    • someone offered you the answer key to a test you have to take?
    • you knew you could get someone you really don’t like into trouble by telling a lie about that person?
    • you found a $20 bill on the hallway floor at school?
    • your friend said he sometimes thinks about killing himself?
    • your friend asked you to lie about something so they didn’t caught?
    • you knew you could get accepted into a very good university by lying on your application?
  • As you’re having these conversations, keep in mind that the fastest way to get a teen to clam up is to express disapproval, judgment, or horror at something they say. 
    • Remember that teens often say things for shock value, but it doesn’t necessarily mean they will follow through.
    • Whatever your teen tells you, stay calm. 
    • Focus on hearing your teen’s viewpoint completely and understanding their thoughts before you even say a word.
  • When you are ready to share your opinion, avoid using sentences that start with “you.” 
  • Stating “you should have…” or “you need to…” causes your teen to become defensive. Use “I” statements to express your thoughts, such as “I wonder what would have happened if you…” or “I think it could be helpful to…” 
  • You are trying to prompt your teen to think ethically, so realize that this conversation may plant seeds that gets them to consider approaching a situation in a new way.

[TRANSITION]

[OUTRO AND CREDITS]

Transcription

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[Music]

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insightful podcasts

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[Music]

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by informative hosts

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[Music]

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insights into things a podcast network

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[Music]

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welcome to insights into teens a podcast

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series

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exploring the issues and challenges of

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today’s youth

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your hosts are joseph and madison whalen

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a father and daughter team

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making their way through the challenges

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of the teenage years

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welcome to insight into teens this is

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episode 115 morals

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and ethics i am your host joseph whalen

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and my fair-minded and ethical co-host

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madison whalen hi everyone how you doing

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today maddie

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i’m doing all right how about you i’m

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doing okay

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so today’s topic was another one of your

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suggestions that we decided to do

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what uh before we even get into it

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what possessed you to come up with this

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as a topic

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well it was actually part of my research

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um when doing um

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when looking up podcast ideas for

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the pot for the podcast obviously and

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uh the original one i had uh was

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moral dilemmas and you kind of added

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ethics in there as well

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so um i guess because it was a topic

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that

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we didn’t really talk about and

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something i actually thought was going

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to be something that we could really get

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delve into i kind of thought that it

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would be a good podcast

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so you didn’t find yourself in a moral

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quandary or something like that and

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wanted to discuss

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that stuff

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i mean we’ll see if i’m in more

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confident but i don’t i don’t personally

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know or

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feel i am fair enough fair enough so

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today we are talking about

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morals and ethics we’ll talk about what

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our morals

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ethics and integrity and why they are

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important

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in life we’ll take a look at some of the

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ethical dilemmas facing our teens

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and discuss ways to train our teens to

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be more morally centered

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and ethical in how they conduct

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themselves

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finally we’ll do some role playing and

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pose questions you can

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ask teens to help lead your discussion

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on morals and ethics

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to better illustrate their decisions and

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the consequences associated with them

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but before we do that i would like to

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invite

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our viewers and our listeners

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to subscribe to the podcast you can get

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[Music]

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ready to get into it sure all right

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[Music]

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so ethics morals and integrity

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this week’s uh source for this is kind

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of a

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off-the-wall source that we haven’t used

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before

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called middle earth nj.org

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and i kind of just stumbled across this

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one as i was trying to

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do some research on the topic itself

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and they start off by saying that our

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culture does not always seem to value

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integrity

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and our youth receive a lot of mixed

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messages about the merit of having good

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principles

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some teens have seen too many adults

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acting unethically

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to believe it’s important many teens

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want to do good deeds but they struggle

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to find the courage

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to quote do the right thing at times

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um the fact is teenagers make tough

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decisions every day

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and peer pressure often makes it more

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difficult for them to choose the right

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path

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proving our youth vague providing

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providing our youth vague advice such as

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do the right thing does not provide them

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with the reasons and means to follow

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through

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nor does it allow them to the

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opportunity

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to think through the complexities of

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living responsibly in our culture

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so one of the questions that i had for

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you is

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how do schools treat ethics and morals

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and integrity

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are there uh less is it included in

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lesson plans or is this something that’s

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sort of

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treated with with special care and they

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don’t talk about it all that much

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um well you know teachers are always

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like telling you um what you should be

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doing

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and what is good and such um

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i think the only like real

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probably the only real point where like

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it

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we discussed like doing the right thing

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is with certain topics

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like with drugs mainly like

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we had the whole dare program when i was

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in fifth grade and health

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focused a lot on um not

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doing alcohol a drug about the dangers

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of alcohol drugs and smoking and such

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um and that’s kind of the only like

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class i can think

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maybe taught us right from wrong and

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such

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um but other than that

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like we were never really

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taught like there weren’t classes where

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we were taught manners and such um

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and there weren’t a lot of classes that

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gave us morals and such

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how about the anti-bullying i know

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there’s a lot of anti-bullying

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um lessons and and i’ll call it

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propaganda

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but i don’t mean that a negative way

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there’s a lot of anti-bullying messages

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that are

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that are um sort of reinforced in

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schools now

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did any of that come across as things

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that would

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teach you right from wrong and why you

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shouldn’t bully and stuff like that

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i mean a lot of it was like

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anti-bullying po

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anti-bullying posters and such but the

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thing is

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they never really talked about why you

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shouldn’t bully it’s just a

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hey bullying is bad they never talked

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about like

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you know the effects bullying can have

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on

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people and like the extreme negative

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effects and i guess i can understand

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when we were younger because a lot of

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the extreme effects

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shouldn’t really be talked about with

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kids but it’s still

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it’s they basically just said don’t

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bully and that’s it they really didn’t

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give

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reasons on why you shouldn’t believe

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other than hey you’re not

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you’re just gonna not make the other kid

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happy and like you shouldn’t do it

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because

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it’s not morally right so when they

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talked about

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not doing drugs in the dare program did

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they explain to you

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why you shouldn’t or what the

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consequences of doing drugs would be

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yeah definitely they use that to say why

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you shouldn’t do drugs and they even

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talked about the specific

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types of drugs and why you shouldn’t be

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using

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and why you shouldn’t use any of the

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drugs and how some of them

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are illegal so they do they did kind of

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uh discuss the moral implications of of

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drug use

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yeah so so there’s some there now you

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had mentioned

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in last week’s podcast about uh

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kind of the messaging that we get from

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media now and

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and how some of the messaging that we

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get that

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sort of floods our attention is really

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counter to to some of these things that

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are good for society some of these

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ethics and morals talk a little bit

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about that and what you meant by that

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and what some of these examples

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are um well the main example i

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used because we were talking about

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forgiveness was the act of revenge

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and the fact that the media kind of

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shows revenge

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as being something that you should do

0:09:10.880,0:09:13.600
and

0:09:11.920,0:09:15.600
something that doesn’t really have

0:09:13.600,0:09:17.360
consequences and just something that

0:09:15.600,0:09:20.320
will make you feel better if you were

0:09:17.360,0:09:22.000
wronged by somebody when in reality

0:09:20.320,0:09:24.320
revenge is something that really

0:09:22.000,0:09:27.360
shouldn’t be done um

0:09:24.320,0:09:29.360
revenge will will have

0:09:27.360,0:09:31.200
consequences you might get that one bit

0:09:29.360,0:09:32.480
of satisfaction but you can really get

0:09:31.200,0:09:35.600
in trouble for

0:09:32.480,0:09:36.000
revenge and it really doesn’t help

0:09:35.600,0:09:38.399
anyone

0:09:36.000,0:09:41.360
in the long run so what about from a

0:09:38.399,0:09:44.399
moral standpoint from a deciding

0:09:41.360,0:09:47.360
right from wrong and and

0:09:44.399,0:09:48.240
developing your own sense of personal

0:09:47.360,0:09:51.519
integrity

0:09:48.240,0:09:55.200
how do you feel the media handles that

0:09:51.519,0:09:58.320
ah it’s

0:09:55.200,0:10:00.480
really kind of mixed at this point uh

0:09:58.320,0:10:01.920
i know the media has definitely been

0:10:00.480,0:10:05.839
like shunned

0:10:01.920,0:10:09.120
for various um

0:10:05.839,0:10:12.560
ideas they put in place to kids

0:10:09.120,0:10:15.440
um and like

0:10:12.560,0:10:15.920
a lot of mobile games i think have

0:10:15.440,0:10:21.279
gotten

0:10:15.920,0:10:24.560
flack for this for basically

0:10:21.279,0:10:26.160
instilling bad ideas in kids

0:10:24.560,0:10:28.160
because a lot of modern mobile games are

0:10:26.160,0:10:31.200
kind of doing that

0:10:28.160,0:10:33.839
um and a lot

0:10:31.200,0:10:35.279
and i definitely think that the media is

0:10:33.839,0:10:38.640
somewhat responsible

0:10:35.279,0:10:39.600
for in a way bad behaviors that have

0:10:38.640,0:10:42.959
been

0:10:39.600,0:10:45.760
coming up uh and they don’t really

0:10:42.959,0:10:46.079
do and a lot of the media doesn’t really

0:10:45.760,0:10:50.800
have

0:10:46.079,0:10:54.480
a lot of good morals that they discuss

0:10:50.800,0:10:56.160
so can you give me an example

0:10:54.480,0:10:59.120
of something in the media whether it’s

0:10:56.160,0:11:01.040
news movies television

0:10:59.120,0:11:02.640
youtube social media whatever can you

0:11:01.040,0:11:05.519
give me an example

0:11:02.640,0:11:07.279
of something in the media that actually

0:11:05.519,0:11:10.399
sets a good example

0:11:07.279,0:11:12.839
for morals and ethics for today’s teens

0:11:10.399,0:11:15.600
and adolescents

0:11:12.839,0:11:17.120
um

0:11:15.600,0:11:20.079
i’d say if you’re looking for good

0:11:17.120,0:11:23.360
morals i would

0:11:20.079,0:11:26.480
um say that mainly

0:11:23.360,0:11:27.760
film and television are kind of doing it

0:11:26.480,0:11:29.279
i haven’t really watched too much

0:11:27.760,0:11:32.160
television but

0:11:29.279,0:11:32.640
film has kind of delved into slightly

0:11:32.160,0:11:36.320
better

0:11:32.640,0:11:38.160
morals uh i can’t think of any right off

0:11:36.320,0:11:40.720
the top of my head

0:11:38.160,0:11:41.519
right now um and then again i really

0:11:40.720,0:11:44.880
haven’t watched

0:11:41.519,0:11:45.519
too many movies but from the media i’ve

0:11:44.880,0:11:48.240
heard

0:11:45.519,0:11:49.440
i definitely don’t think um certain

0:11:48.240,0:11:52.000
aspects of the media

0:11:49.440,0:11:53.920
are good for morals and i definitely

0:11:52.000,0:11:55.519
think there’s a lot of improvement we

0:11:53.920,0:11:57.360
need to make with that

0:11:55.519,0:11:58.880
so let me just throw one example out

0:11:57.360,0:12:01.519
there and that is the

0:11:58.880,0:12:03.600
the very popular genre of superhero

0:12:01.519,0:12:06.800
movies right now

0:12:03.600,0:12:09.279
and you know we’ll look at avengers

0:12:06.800,0:12:10.959
for instance since the marvel cinematic

0:12:09.279,0:12:12.480
universe is kind of dominating that

0:12:10.959,0:12:15.600
scene right now

0:12:12.480,0:12:18.639
do you think that they’re casting

0:12:15.600,0:12:21.760
um a sense or an

0:12:18.639,0:12:24.800
image of decent morals

0:12:21.760,0:12:28.639
and responsibility and ethics

0:12:24.800,0:12:32.079
and how they portray their characters

0:12:28.639,0:12:35.360
in film and television yeah definitely

0:12:32.079,0:12:39.440
um i can think of a few examples with

0:12:35.360,0:12:42.160
um one of their uh shows one division

0:12:39.440,0:12:42.880
and how they perceived grief because

0:12:42.160,0:12:45.200
through the show

0:12:42.880,0:12:47.279
wanda is experiencing grief and you can

0:12:45.200,0:12:48.639
see all the stages of grief

0:12:47.279,0:12:51.600
we’ve talked about it before on the

0:12:48.639,0:12:54.880
podcast and wanda goes through

0:12:51.600,0:12:58.000
all the stages of grief from

0:12:54.880,0:13:01.120
denial um sadness

0:12:58.000,0:13:03.600
anger and acceptance

0:13:01.120,0:13:05.600
they’re all there and um that’s

0:13:03.600,0:13:08.320
something that it’s been teaching

0:13:05.600,0:13:09.279
and i actually think it’s a decent moral

0:13:08.320,0:13:11.120
okay

0:13:09.279,0:13:12.880
so i think that’s a good foundation of

0:13:11.120,0:13:14.639
where we’re at right now with

0:13:12.880,0:13:15.920
with ethics and morals and we’re we’re

0:13:14.639,0:13:19.360
going to explore a little bit

0:13:15.920,0:13:21.680
deeper uh with things specifically to

0:13:19.360,0:13:22.880
pertaining to to teens we’re going to

0:13:21.680,0:13:24.240
take a quick break right now

0:13:22.880,0:13:29.279
when we come back we’re going to talk

0:13:24.240,0:13:29.279
about common ethical dilemmas that teens

0:13:32.839,0:13:35.839
face

0:13:36.720,0:13:42.480
for over seven years the second sith

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0:14:05.760,0:14:11.440
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dot the second 2nd sithempire.com

0:14:38.079,0:14:42.240
welcome back to insights into teens

0:14:40.560,0:14:45.440
today we’re talking about

0:14:42.240,0:14:46.560
morals ethics values and all the good

0:14:45.440,0:14:48.959
stuff

0:14:46.560,0:14:50.160
so there’s a number of common ethical

0:14:48.959,0:14:53.279
dilemmas that teens

0:14:50.160,0:14:54.880
tend to face as they go through life

0:14:53.279,0:14:57.199
and one of which that we’ve talked about

0:14:54.880,0:14:58.000
in the past already in a previous

0:14:57.199,0:15:01.519
podcast is

0:14:58.000,0:15:02.480
cheating you know this study goes on to

0:15:01.519,0:15:05.519
say that cheating is

0:15:02.480,0:15:06.399
epidemic in our schools making it a

0:15:05.519,0:15:10.160
common problem

0:15:06.399,0:15:12.079
teens face daily the importance placed

0:15:10.160,0:15:14.399
on grades puts a lot of pressure

0:15:12.079,0:15:16.720
on teens which can give them the

0:15:14.399,0:15:18.880
mentality that it’s okay to do whatever

0:15:16.720,0:15:21.440
it takes to succeed

0:15:18.880,0:15:23.279
teens might give a peer answers to a

0:15:21.440,0:15:26.480
test to please a friend

0:15:23.279,0:15:28.880
or to fit in teens who might be

0:15:26.480,0:15:31.440
penalized for getting a low grade

0:15:28.880,0:15:33.120
such as getting kicked off a sports team

0:15:31.440,0:15:37.120
or losing some privilege

0:15:33.120,0:15:39.199
from a parent might justify cheating

0:15:37.120,0:15:41.120
now obviously you’ve already talked

0:15:39.199,0:15:42.639
about cheating in some

0:15:41.120,0:15:44.880
degree here but have you ever

0:15:42.639,0:15:48.160
experienced

0:15:44.880,0:15:50.240
cheating at school or someone asking you

0:15:48.160,0:15:52.399
for answers or have you ever felt the

0:15:50.240,0:15:53.199
urge to cheat because of pressure put on

0:15:52.399,0:15:56.639
you to it

0:15:53.199,0:15:58.959
to succeed um i’ve never personally

0:15:56.639,0:16:01.120
cheated myself and i don’t really think

0:15:58.959,0:16:02.160
that anyone’s ever tried [ __ ] off of

0:16:01.120,0:16:03.839
me

0:16:02.160,0:16:05.759
i think there have been times where

0:16:03.839,0:16:08.800
people have kind of asked me like

0:16:05.759,0:16:09.680
what they think my answer is but other

0:16:08.800,0:16:11.440
than that

0:16:09.680,0:16:13.839
no one’s as real i haven’t really

0:16:11.440,0:16:14.959
experienced cheating all that much in my

0:16:13.839,0:16:17.279
school

0:16:14.959,0:16:18.000
because the school does take precautions

0:16:17.279,0:16:21.279
to not

0:16:18.000,0:16:22.399
to make sure that no one cheats um

0:16:21.279,0:16:24.480
so personally i’ve never really

0:16:22.399,0:16:25.360
experienced it and you’ve never had the

0:16:24.480,0:16:28.000
urge to cheat

0:16:25.360,0:16:29.199
no not really that’s good what’s the

0:16:28.000,0:16:32.399
next thing we have

0:16:29.199,0:16:34.399
next thing we have is lying teens often

0:16:32.399,0:16:36.240
are often tempted to lie for many

0:16:34.399,0:16:36.959
reasons such as wanting to fit in with

0:16:36.240,0:16:38.880
their peers

0:16:36.959,0:16:40.639
get out of responsibilities avoid

0:16:38.880,0:16:42.639
punishment protect the

0:16:40.639,0:16:44.399
friends hide their own bad behavior and

0:16:42.639,0:16:51.839
avoid disappointing someone

0:16:44.399,0:16:51.839
now how do you feel about lying

0:16:52.000,0:16:57.120
i actually don’t really know how i

0:16:55.040,0:16:57.759
should feel about lying i know a lot of

0:16:57.120,0:17:00.560
lying

0:16:57.759,0:17:02.240
is bad but i don’t know if i can say

0:17:00.560,0:17:04.480
that it’s necessary

0:17:02.240,0:17:05.439
but i don’t know if i can say it’s neces

0:17:04.480,0:17:09.120
it’s like

0:17:05.439,0:17:11.600
if it’s good in symphony

0:17:09.120,0:17:12.559
it’s confusing to me i don’t really know

0:17:11.600,0:17:14.559
i know a lot of

0:17:12.559,0:17:15.679
you know in most instances it’s really

0:17:14.559,0:17:17.520
bad to lie

0:17:15.679,0:17:19.120
and i don’t know if it’s actually

0:17:17.520,0:17:22.400
supposed to be okay to lie

0:17:19.120,0:17:22.959
in other instances but so give me an

0:17:22.400,0:17:25.600
instance

0:17:22.959,0:17:26.720
where you don’t know if it’s okay to lie

0:17:25.600,0:17:32.000
or not

0:17:26.720,0:17:34.960
uh i guess maybe when it comes to like

0:17:32.000,0:17:35.520
mainly things with little kids um i just

0:17:34.960,0:17:38.400
don’t know

0:17:35.520,0:17:40.080
how to like i don’t know if it if i

0:17:38.400,0:17:43.280
should tell them the truth about things

0:17:40.080,0:17:44.160
like let’s say they’re hamster or

0:17:43.280,0:17:48.240
goldfish

0:17:44.160,0:17:52.000
you know and um

0:17:48.240,0:17:54.720
how do you tell them to their face like

0:17:52.000,0:17:56.080
that their pet for the convenience of

0:17:54.720,0:17:59.039
our listening audience

0:17:56.080,0:18:00.320
i think you mean if a pet dies yes if a

0:17:59.039,0:18:02.559
pet dies

0:18:00.320,0:18:03.360
how do you like do you tell the kid that

0:18:02.559,0:18:06.320
the pet

0:18:03.360,0:18:09.039
died or do you just lie and say that it

0:18:06.320,0:18:11.520
ran away or something

0:18:09.039,0:18:12.160
i’m not sure either of those is really a

0:18:11.520,0:18:14.799
good

0:18:12.160,0:18:16.960
answer yeah um because of the impact

0:18:14.799,0:18:19.600
it’s gonna have

0:18:16.960,0:18:20.880
and i think you make a valid point that

0:18:19.600,0:18:24.400
it’s kind of

0:18:20.880,0:18:26.320
age dependent there yeah but i think the

0:18:24.400,0:18:27.120
general rule of thumb is if you lean

0:18:26.320,0:18:29.919
towards the

0:18:27.120,0:18:31.760
tell the truth side of things that’s

0:18:29.919,0:18:34.320
probably the best way to go because in a

0:18:31.760,0:18:37.120
situation like that

0:18:34.320,0:18:37.600
you one don’t want to perpetuate a lie

0:18:37.120,0:18:39.919
yeah

0:18:37.600,0:18:41.200
because that’s never good and on the

0:18:39.919,0:18:43.120
other hand

0:18:41.200,0:18:44.320
they’re going to feel the loss either

0:18:43.120,0:18:46.400
way

0:18:44.320,0:18:48.320
so if you tell them the truth you can

0:18:46.400,0:18:49.280
then be the one that’s there to help

0:18:48.320,0:18:52.799
them get through

0:18:49.280,0:18:56.240
those difficult emotional feelings

0:18:52.799,0:18:59.440
of feeling that loss so you know

0:18:56.240,0:19:00.240
we never hid the deaths of pets from you

0:18:59.440,0:19:03.760
did we

0:19:00.240,0:19:07.600
no and you’ve had some

0:19:03.760,0:19:10.240
uh adverse feelings you know you you

0:19:07.600,0:19:12.720
were very sad when fluffer passed away

0:19:10.240,0:19:14.480
but you know mommy and daddy could have

0:19:12.720,0:19:16.080
lied to you about that but it was

0:19:14.480,0:19:17.039
important it’s an important lesson to

0:19:16.080,0:19:20.160
learn

0:19:17.039,0:19:23.200
you know loss in this specific instance

0:19:20.160,0:19:26.640
loss is a part of life

0:19:23.200,0:19:30.960
um you can’t as much as you don’t want

0:19:26.640,0:19:34.640
your your friends and your loved ones to

0:19:30.960,0:19:35.679
feel that hurt you can’t shelter them

0:19:34.640,0:19:38.720
from it

0:19:35.679,0:19:41.280
yeah they’re gonna feel it eventually so

0:19:38.720,0:19:42.640
if you care about them the best thing

0:19:41.280,0:19:45.840
you can do is to help to

0:19:42.640,0:19:48.400
guide them through it so in that case

0:19:45.840,0:19:50.400
you probably wouldn’t want to lie yeah

0:19:48.400,0:19:53.120
there are times that you don’t want to

0:19:50.400,0:19:55.200
tell the truth i’m sure

0:19:53.120,0:19:58.080
there are i’m and some people would

0:19:55.200,0:20:02.159
refer to those as lies of omission

0:19:58.080,0:20:04.640
uh but if if mommy comes to you and has

0:20:02.159,0:20:07.200
a dress on and you don’t really

0:20:04.640,0:20:08.640
like the dress and she says how do i

0:20:07.200,0:20:10.960
look what do you do

0:20:08.640,0:20:12.000
yeah you know at that point in time you

0:20:10.960,0:20:15.039
can be honest

0:20:12.000,0:20:16.000
and maybe hurt her feelings you can lie

0:20:15.039,0:20:17.440
to her

0:20:16.000,0:20:19.039
and think that the dress doesn’t look

0:20:17.440,0:20:20.320
good and then let her go out and let

0:20:19.039,0:20:22.480
other people think the dress doesn’t

0:20:20.320,0:20:25.440
look good

0:20:22.480,0:20:27.520
but you can also err on the side of

0:20:25.440,0:20:29.039
honesty with constructive criticism

0:20:27.520,0:20:31.440
yeah that’s the one thing i definitely

0:20:29.039,0:20:33.360
wanted to bring up because

0:20:31.440,0:20:34.480
like another instance i kind of came up

0:20:33.360,0:20:37.440
with was like

0:20:34.480,0:20:38.000
if like your kid had like made a drawing

0:20:37.440,0:20:41.520
of you

0:20:38.000,0:20:42.960
and um your kid wasn’t like picasso or

0:20:41.520,0:20:46.240
something he didn’t really

0:20:42.960,0:20:47.679
um he used a bunch of crayons for it and

0:20:46.240,0:20:50.640
you don’t really know whether to say

0:20:47.679,0:20:53.520
that it’s good or bad to

0:20:50.640,0:20:55.600
um tell the truth or not um and that’s

0:20:53.520,0:20:57.360
kind of how you are with my art like

0:20:55.600,0:20:59.120
if i show you my art if there are

0:20:57.360,0:21:00.840
certain aspects you don’t like you

0:20:59.120,0:21:03.120
instead turn it into constructive

0:21:00.840,0:21:04.720
criticism that’s a very good point

0:21:03.120,0:21:06.159
you know i don’t want to lie to you and

0:21:04.720,0:21:08.080
tell you you’re the greatest artist in

0:21:06.159,0:21:09.919
the world because if you’re not

0:21:08.080,0:21:12.640
then you’ll never get better and get to

0:21:09.919,0:21:14.320
be the best greatest artist in the world

0:21:12.640,0:21:16.000
i’ll tell you what i like about the

0:21:14.320,0:21:18.159
things that you’ve done the things you

0:21:16.000,0:21:19.039
created and then i’ll try to help guide

0:21:18.159,0:21:22.000
you to the

0:21:19.039,0:21:22.960
to maybe fix the things that aren’t so

0:21:22.000,0:21:25.679
great

0:21:22.960,0:21:26.320
and let’s be honest i’m not an art

0:21:25.679,0:21:28.159
critic

0:21:26.320,0:21:29.760
you know my tastes are different than

0:21:28.159,0:21:31.360
other people’s tastes

0:21:29.760,0:21:33.120
what i like and don’t like might be

0:21:31.360,0:21:34.720
different than what the next person

0:21:33.120,0:21:36.720
likes or doesn’t like

0:21:34.720,0:21:37.840
but i’ll be honest about what i think

0:21:36.720,0:21:40.320
and

0:21:37.840,0:21:42.080
it’s not just about the end product

0:21:40.320,0:21:43.679
there either it’s also about the effort

0:21:42.080,0:21:46.000
and the feeling that went in

0:21:43.679,0:21:47.919
to doing it you know i have a rock

0:21:46.000,0:21:48.720
downstairs on my desk that you gave me i

0:21:47.919,0:21:52.080
don’t know if it was for

0:21:48.720,0:21:54.320
father’s day or my birthday that

0:21:52.080,0:21:55.919
was your artistic expression of your

0:21:54.320,0:21:58.000
affection for me

0:21:55.919,0:22:00.000
it’s not a picasso it’s never going to

0:21:58.000,0:22:02.159
be it was never intended to be

0:22:00.000,0:22:04.159
but the feelings that you put into that

0:22:02.159,0:22:06.720
rock mean a lot to me

0:22:04.159,0:22:08.000
so i keep it because it means a lot to

0:22:06.720,0:22:11.120
me

0:22:08.000,0:22:12.880
so again it’s one of those things where

0:22:11.120,0:22:13.520
you don’t have to lie to someone but you

0:22:12.880,0:22:16.880
have to

0:22:13.520,0:22:17.360
you can appreciate it for the aspect and

0:22:16.880,0:22:20.400
the

0:22:17.360,0:22:22.080
thought behind it so it allows you to be

0:22:20.400,0:22:23.840
honest

0:22:22.080,0:22:25.440
so the next thing that we have is

0:22:23.840,0:22:26.960
snitching what they what they call

0:22:25.440,0:22:29.360
snitching

0:22:26.960,0:22:31.200
in the teenager world snitching is

0:22:29.360,0:22:33.919
perceived as a betrayal

0:22:31.200,0:22:35.600
of your peers and can lead to harsh

0:22:33.919,0:22:37.840
rejection

0:22:35.600,0:22:40.720
teens often know they should tell an

0:22:37.840,0:22:43.520
adult if they see someone stealing

0:22:40.720,0:22:45.600
cheating using drugs bullying someone or

0:22:43.520,0:22:48.000
acting suicidal

0:22:45.600,0:22:49.520
but the fear and the of the consequences

0:22:48.000,0:22:51.600
from the peers

0:22:49.520,0:22:53.600
is difficult to overcome have you ever

0:22:51.600,0:22:55.679
had a situation where

0:22:53.600,0:22:57.360
you saw somebody do something that was

0:22:55.679,0:23:00.960
either

0:22:57.360,0:23:04.240
bad illegal against the rules or

0:23:00.960,0:23:07.440
harmful and went to an adult and

0:23:04.240,0:23:08.799
tried to stop that um there were

0:23:07.440,0:23:12.640
instances why

0:23:08.799,0:23:15.440
uh where that did happen um

0:23:12.640,0:23:17.360
because i do remember instances where

0:23:15.440,0:23:19.120
people were kind of doing mean things to

0:23:17.360,0:23:19.679
me and i would go to the teachers about

0:23:19.120,0:23:23.120
it

0:23:19.679,0:23:26.080
um i guess mainly because they weren’t

0:23:23.120,0:23:27.520
like around my age because i was around

0:23:26.080,0:23:29.120
a lot of younger kids and a lot of

0:23:27.520,0:23:29.760
younger kids kind of annoyed me and

0:23:29.120,0:23:33.120
would do

0:23:29.760,0:23:33.840
like and would like take my toys and

0:23:33.120,0:23:35.440
such

0:23:33.840,0:23:37.919
so i would pretty much just tell the

0:23:35.440,0:23:39.840
teacher well and the other thing to keep

0:23:37.919,0:23:42.000
in mind there is that

0:23:39.840,0:23:44.559
if someone’s doing something to you and

0:23:42.000,0:23:46.720
you complain to an authority about it

0:23:44.559,0:23:47.600
it’s kind of a self-serving act on the

0:23:46.720,0:23:50.080
surface

0:23:47.600,0:23:51.520
yeah but in reality you could be

0:23:50.080,0:23:53.679
preventing them from

0:23:51.520,0:23:54.799
then doing that same abuse to someone

0:23:53.679,0:23:56.880
else

0:23:54.799,0:23:58.640
and i think when i think of this i think

0:23:56.880,0:24:01.840
of any kind of violent act

0:23:58.640,0:24:04.400
bullying um spousal abuse

0:24:01.840,0:24:06.880
something like that where if you see

0:24:04.400,0:24:08.320
someone harming someone or something

0:24:06.880,0:24:10.080
like if someone’s out there damaging

0:24:08.320,0:24:12.240
someone’s property

0:24:10.080,0:24:13.520
well if you just turn the other cheek

0:24:12.240,0:24:14.960
because it’s not your problem and it’s

0:24:13.520,0:24:16.640
not your property

0:24:14.960,0:24:18.640
it might very well be your property

0:24:16.640,0:24:20.240
tomorrow or your neighbor’s property the

0:24:18.640,0:24:22.480
next day

0:24:20.240,0:24:24.320
so you kind of have a moral obligation

0:24:22.480,0:24:26.559
at that point in time

0:24:24.320,0:24:28.080
to bring that to an authority and let

0:24:26.559,0:24:29.360
them know what this person is doing

0:24:28.080,0:24:31.840
because you know what they’re doing is

0:24:29.360,0:24:33.679
wrong and they need to be stopped

0:24:31.840,0:24:34.480
especially if it’s physically harming

0:24:33.679,0:24:37.200
someone because

0:24:34.480,0:24:38.640
if you walk down the street and

0:24:37.200,0:24:39.760
somebody’s getting beat up by someone

0:24:38.640,0:24:40.960
and you don’t want to get involved and

0:24:39.760,0:24:42.400
you just keep going because you don’t

0:24:40.960,0:24:44.000
want the trouble

0:24:42.400,0:24:45.760
well the next day they could be beating

0:24:44.000,0:24:47.600
somebody else up or really harming

0:24:45.760,0:24:49.279
someone else and then you’re partially

0:24:47.600,0:24:52.159
responsible for that for not

0:24:49.279,0:24:53.919
acting you don’t have to intervene and

0:24:52.159,0:24:55.760
try to stop them there but you have to

0:24:53.919,0:24:58.480
at least alert someone

0:24:55.760,0:24:59.440
in a th in an authoritative position of

0:24:58.480,0:25:02.320
what’s going on

0:24:59.440,0:25:03.760
and let them do something about it so

0:25:02.320,0:25:06.159
it’s not snitching

0:25:03.760,0:25:08.400
when you’re doing the right thing yeah

0:25:06.159,0:25:10.799
that’s the important thing

0:25:08.400,0:25:11.760
what’s the last one we have the last one

0:25:10.799,0:25:14.720
we have is

0:25:11.760,0:25:16.720
is experimenting youth face the ethical

0:25:14.720,0:25:17.360
dilemma of choosing whether to smoke

0:25:16.720,0:25:20.720
drink

0:25:17.360,0:25:22.880
alcohol or to try other drugs teens can

0:25:20.720,0:25:25.760
develop many justifications

0:25:22.880,0:25:27.360
for experimenting with these substances

0:25:25.760,0:25:28.000
and they face a significant amount of

0:25:27.360,0:25:30.480
peer pressure

0:25:28.000,0:25:32.240
in this area now this is something that

0:25:30.480,0:25:34.720
you’ve not faced a lot of and i’m

0:25:32.240,0:25:35.840
kind of grateful that you haven’t but

0:25:34.720,0:25:36.640
it’s something that’s probably going to

0:25:35.840,0:25:39.360
become

0:25:36.640,0:25:40.400
more likely for you to encounter as you

0:25:39.360,0:25:42.799
get into high school because you’re

0:25:40.400,0:25:45.760
going to face a lot more peer pressure

0:25:42.799,0:25:47.679
and that experimenting could be

0:25:45.760,0:25:49.200
something that’s harmless

0:25:47.679,0:25:50.880
or could be something that’s habit

0:25:49.200,0:25:53.039
forming or something that’s flat out

0:25:50.880,0:25:55.120
dangerous to you

0:25:53.039,0:25:57.039
what are your thoughts on this like what

0:25:55.120,0:26:00.159
is your stance on

0:25:57.039,0:26:01.760
let’s talk about substance abuse just in

0:26:00.159,0:26:02.640
general what do you what’s your stance

0:26:01.760,0:26:04.720
on it

0:26:02.640,0:26:05.919
i definitely feel substance abuse is

0:26:04.720,0:26:08.480
horrible and they

0:26:05.919,0:26:09.120
always and like school always tries to

0:26:08.480,0:26:11.440
tell you

0:26:09.120,0:26:12.159
don’t do drugs because it will be

0:26:11.440,0:26:14.159
harmful

0:26:12.159,0:26:15.279
it’s not going to be fun and they

0:26:14.159,0:26:18.000
mention how

0:26:15.279,0:26:19.679
people other people can really influence

0:26:18.000,0:26:23.120
your decisions in that area

0:26:19.679,0:26:26.240
and like this said before peer pressure

0:26:23.120,0:26:27.919
is really vapid in this area like

0:26:26.240,0:26:29.760
you could be out with your friends who

0:26:27.919,0:26:30.960
you’ve known for a little while and like

0:26:29.760,0:26:34.320
one of them could

0:26:30.960,0:26:37.760
like bring out a a pack of cigarettes

0:26:34.320,0:26:38.320
and like and light that and basically

0:26:37.760,0:26:40.240
like

0:26:38.320,0:26:41.679
ask you guys if you want to have a smoke

0:26:40.240,0:26:44.000
and like

0:26:41.679,0:26:45.200
because you have been friends with these

0:26:44.000,0:26:47.679
people for so long

0:26:45.200,0:26:48.320
and because everyone else is doing it

0:26:47.679,0:26:51.279
you feel

0:26:48.320,0:26:52.559
obligated to do it as well because

0:26:51.279,0:26:54.880
you’ve just

0:26:52.559,0:26:56.559
you’ve you’re friends and you feel as

0:26:54.880,0:26:59.039
though if you’re not gonna do it they’ll

0:26:56.559,0:27:00.240
you’ll be an outcast to them yeah there

0:26:59.039,0:27:02.640
was a group of friends that i hung

0:27:00.240,0:27:06.000
around with when i was in high school

0:27:02.640,0:27:07.600
um and i got along with just about every

0:27:06.000,0:27:09.200
demographic that was in high school i

0:27:07.600,0:27:10.320
never really had anyone that i i

0:27:09.200,0:27:11.919
couldn’t sit down and have a

0:27:10.320,0:27:13.679
conversation with

0:27:11.919,0:27:15.600
but there was this one particular group

0:27:13.679,0:27:16.640
that was in my town that i used to hang

0:27:15.600,0:27:19.279
around with

0:27:16.640,0:27:20.000
and two of the people smoked and they

0:27:19.279,0:27:22.159
smoked as

0:27:20.000,0:27:23.279
though they were adults they’d go out

0:27:22.159,0:27:24.480
they’d buy their own cigarettes and

0:27:23.279,0:27:26.159
they’d smoke

0:27:24.480,0:27:28.080
and they would ask but they would ask

0:27:26.159,0:27:29.679
almost out of a courtesy

0:27:28.080,0:27:31.760
of whether or not i wanted one i always

0:27:29.679,0:27:34.240
said no i lived with

0:27:31.760,0:27:35.039
a mother and a father who smokes and to

0:27:34.240,0:27:37.919
this day i

0:27:35.039,0:27:40.080
thank them for completely turning me off

0:27:37.919,0:27:42.000
from ever wanting to smoke

0:27:40.080,0:27:44.720
but i could tolerate being around my

0:27:42.000,0:27:47.440
friends who did smoke well one day

0:27:44.720,0:27:49.919
one of them pulled out not a tobacco

0:27:47.440,0:27:52.559
cigarette but a marijuana cigarette

0:27:49.919,0:27:54.640
and they lit up and they asked me if i

0:27:52.559,0:27:57.120
wanted to share it and and i had no

0:27:54.640,0:28:00.559
desire whatsoever to share

0:27:57.120,0:28:02.559
and there was an initial sense of peer

0:28:00.559,0:28:03.760
pressure of you know come on you know

0:28:02.559,0:28:07.360
what’s it going to hurt

0:28:03.760,0:28:10.720
just relax lighten up that sort of thing

0:28:07.360,0:28:13.279
and when i made it very clear quite

0:28:10.720,0:28:14.240
firmly that i had no interest whatsoever

0:28:13.279,0:28:17.520
in it

0:28:14.240,0:28:20.080
it stopped and i think if they’re really

0:28:17.520,0:28:20.799
your friend and you make it very clear

0:28:20.080,0:28:22.559
that

0:28:20.799,0:28:25.760
you’re not judging them for what they’re

0:28:22.559,0:28:27.679
doing but you have no desire to do it

0:28:25.760,0:28:29.200
that’s usually the easiest way to stop

0:28:27.679,0:28:32.000
the peer pressure and

0:28:29.200,0:28:32.640
if if they’re going to ostracize you and

0:28:32.000,0:28:35.120
and

0:28:32.640,0:28:36.480
cause you to be an outcast because of

0:28:35.120,0:28:38.159
that they’re not your friend

0:28:36.480,0:28:39.679
they’re not your friend and that’s a

0:28:38.159,0:28:41.520
very easy way to test whether they’re

0:28:39.679,0:28:45.440
your friend or not

0:28:41.520,0:28:47.840
so so with so many challenges

0:28:45.440,0:28:49.039
how can we help our youth to value

0:28:47.840,0:28:51.679
integrity

0:28:49.039,0:28:53.600
and pursue ethical actions well like so

0:28:51.679,0:28:56.159
many other values you want to instill

0:28:53.600,0:28:58.159
you have to train them so what are some

0:28:56.159,0:29:00.080
of the ways that we can train teens to

0:28:58.159,0:29:02.720
be ethical thinkers

0:29:00.080,0:29:04.799
so one of the ways is focus on values

0:29:02.720,0:29:06.240
our culture exposes teens to many

0:29:04.799,0:29:08.320
negative messages

0:29:06.240,0:29:09.760
movies tv shows and new stories

0:29:08.320,0:29:12.159
frequently highlight the bad

0:29:09.760,0:29:14.640
behavior of adults as a result our

0:29:12.159,0:29:15.600
positive messages of good values must be

0:29:14.640,0:29:17.760
more powerful

0:29:15.600,0:29:20.000
more frequent and more compelling than

0:29:17.760,0:29:21.600
other than those other messages

0:29:20.000,0:29:24.159
whenever you see positive ethical

0:29:21.600,0:29:26.240
stories in the media news movies etc

0:29:24.159,0:29:28.080
or in the books they read bring them up

0:29:26.240,0:29:29.600
and talk about them

0:29:28.080,0:29:32.159
what are your thoughts on that do you

0:29:29.600,0:29:34.799
find we do a decent job

0:29:32.159,0:29:36.159
um you guys personally yeah yeah

0:29:34.799,0:29:40.799
definitely you guys

0:29:36.159,0:29:45.039
um definitely try and give me um

0:29:40.799,0:29:47.520
at least try and keep me uh morally well

0:29:45.039,0:29:48.399
um you definitely focus on the good

0:29:47.520,0:29:50.799
values

0:29:48.399,0:29:51.440
and this podcast is one of the main

0:29:50.799,0:29:54.880
things

0:29:51.440,0:29:57.919
because um i have now

0:29:54.880,0:30:00.000
focused more on the good values than i

0:29:57.919,0:30:01.919
really ever had before

0:30:00.000,0:30:03.520
yeah and it’s tough today it’s really

0:30:01.919,0:30:08.240
difficult for parents in

0:30:03.520,0:30:11.360
in a lot of it’s to blame on technology

0:30:08.240,0:30:12.399
you know when i was growing up my media

0:30:11.360,0:30:14.880
exposure

0:30:12.399,0:30:16.159
was extremely regulated compared to what

0:30:14.880,0:30:18.000
we had today

0:30:16.159,0:30:19.840
we didn’t have all the tv channels we

0:30:18.000,0:30:20.880
didn’t have on-demand we didn’t have the

0:30:19.840,0:30:23.840
internet

0:30:20.880,0:30:24.880
you know we had radio we had tv and we

0:30:23.840,0:30:26.799
had movies

0:30:24.880,0:30:28.960
and all those had some kind of governing

0:30:26.799,0:30:32.320
body there wasn’t

0:30:28.960,0:30:35.600
the only place that you would have uh

0:30:32.320,0:30:38.480
questionable or ambiguous morals

0:30:35.600,0:30:39.600
injected into what i consumed was if i

0:30:38.480,0:30:41.679
was with friends

0:30:39.600,0:30:43.760
and it was that peer pressure but

0:30:41.679,0:30:44.960
nowadays with the internet and social

0:30:43.760,0:30:48.080
media

0:30:44.960,0:30:50.559
and streaming media and everything else

0:30:48.080,0:30:52.720
it’s everywhere and parents can very

0:30:50.559,0:30:54.000
quickly get overwhelmed by this

0:30:52.720,0:30:55.760
you know there’s there’s a couple of

0:30:54.000,0:30:57.760
things one of you try to regulate it to

0:30:55.760,0:30:59.440
your teens you’re going to resent it

0:30:57.760,0:31:01.360
you know if i tell you you can’t go on

0:30:59.440,0:31:02.480
youtube anymore

0:31:01.360,0:31:05.200
that’s going to make you want to go on

0:31:02.480,0:31:08.000
youtube even more and the tighter we

0:31:05.200,0:31:08.880
we try to control that stuff the more

0:31:08.000,0:31:11.360
you’re going to want to

0:31:08.880,0:31:12.720
and the average teen i’m saying the more

0:31:11.360,0:31:16.000
the teens are going to want to

0:31:12.720,0:31:18.399
access that stuff so

0:31:16.000,0:31:19.279
it’s tough for parents but parents have

0:31:18.399,0:31:23.279
to be

0:31:19.279,0:31:26.399
active and you have to kind of be

0:31:23.279,0:31:28.080
the loudest influence out there to get

0:31:26.399,0:31:29.679
the attention of your teen now because

0:31:28.080,0:31:32.480
there’s so many things vying for your

0:31:29.679,0:31:34.480
teen’s attention

0:31:32.480,0:31:36.320
the next thing they talk about is label

0:31:34.480,0:31:38.240
them good

0:31:36.320,0:31:39.519
we need to help our youth define

0:31:38.240,0:31:42.080
themselves as good

0:31:39.519,0:31:44.080
people who are learning this requires

0:31:42.080,0:31:45.600
frequently telling teens that they are

0:31:44.080,0:31:47.679
good people

0:31:45.600,0:31:49.440
when they make a mistake we should state

0:31:47.679,0:31:51.679
that it’s a simple

0:31:49.440,0:31:52.799
detour from a path that they can return

0:31:51.679,0:31:55.279
to

0:31:52.799,0:31:56.080
never label your teen a cheater a liar

0:31:55.279,0:31:58.960
or a thief

0:31:56.080,0:31:59.760
remind them that they’re good and help

0:31:58.960,0:32:03.440
them

0:31:59.760,0:32:05.440
back to the ethical path

0:32:03.440,0:32:06.640
additionally make sure you tell your

0:32:05.440,0:32:09.039
teens

0:32:06.640,0:32:11.200
that you value being honorable and

0:32:09.039,0:32:12.559
responsible more than any other measure

0:32:11.200,0:32:16.159
of success

0:32:12.559,0:32:18.159
such as good grades and and i i hope

0:32:16.159,0:32:19.200
this is kind of what mommy and daddy do

0:32:18.159,0:32:21.840
for you

0:32:19.200,0:32:23.840
and make you understand that while we’re

0:32:21.840,0:32:26.399
exceedingly proud

0:32:23.840,0:32:27.840
that you bring home a’s we don’t want

0:32:26.399,0:32:31.039
you to succeed

0:32:27.840,0:32:33.679
academically if it means sacrificing

0:32:31.039,0:32:37.279
your morals and your ethics to do so

0:32:33.679,0:32:39.039
you understand what i mean so

0:32:37.279,0:32:40.640
you’re doing a great job as it is you’re

0:32:39.039,0:32:43.600
working hard

0:32:40.640,0:32:44.880
keep up the good work and you know make

0:32:43.600,0:32:47.039
sure you’re doing the right thing

0:32:44.880,0:32:49.279
whenever you can

0:32:47.039,0:32:51.279
what’s the next thing we have next thing

0:32:49.279,0:32:53.120
we have is help them find their

0:32:51.279,0:32:55.200
contribution in the world

0:32:53.120,0:32:57.120
when an individual discovers a way to

0:32:55.200,0:32:58.080
help others or make their community a

0:32:57.120,0:33:00.399
better place

0:32:58.080,0:33:01.919
they will find true meaning and purpose

0:33:00.399,0:33:04.640
which solidifies

0:33:01.919,0:33:06.640
which solidifies their moral identity

0:33:04.640,0:33:08.320
help your teen learn to use their own

0:33:06.640,0:33:10.399
interests and strengths to improve the

0:33:08.320,0:33:12.880
lives of others or

0:33:10.399,0:33:14.960
serve the community this is probably an

0:33:12.880,0:33:16.880
area we could improve on

0:33:14.960,0:33:18.880
we’re pretty self-contained and right

0:33:16.880,0:33:21.679
now a lot of that has to do with

0:33:18.880,0:33:23.200
the pandemic but as you get into high

0:33:21.679,0:33:25.200
school there’s going to be opportunities

0:33:23.200,0:33:28.320
for you to volunteer

0:33:25.200,0:33:30.240
you know sam for the longest time worked

0:33:28.320,0:33:32.640
at a soup kitchen and and help

0:33:30.240,0:33:35.039
feed people and i think there’s a lot of

0:33:32.640,0:33:36.799
opportunities for you when i was

0:33:35.039,0:33:38.720
a little bit older than you i was a

0:33:36.799,0:33:40.320
volunteer for the fire company and i

0:33:38.720,0:33:41.200
helped out with stuff for the fire

0:33:40.320,0:33:43.840
company and

0:33:41.200,0:33:45.679
and take care of things so there’s going

0:33:43.840,0:33:47.519
to be opportunities that

0:33:45.679,0:33:48.799
come up for you that i that it’s

0:33:47.519,0:33:51.279
important that you take

0:33:48.799,0:33:52.960
advantage of those opportunities not

0:33:51.279,0:33:56.320
only does it help to advance your

0:33:52.960,0:33:58.320
your academic career but morally it’s

0:33:56.320,0:33:59.440
good for you to see how you can help

0:33:58.320,0:34:01.519
others

0:33:59.440,0:34:02.480
and helping others makes you feel good

0:34:01.519,0:34:06.000
there’s a there’s an

0:34:02.480,0:34:07.760
absolute benefit to it

0:34:06.000,0:34:09.359
talk about offering a broader

0:34:07.760,0:34:11.440
perspective

0:34:09.359,0:34:13.599
when facing a decision all humans

0:34:11.440,0:34:15.839
typically start with determining which

0:34:13.599,0:34:18.000
choice is most beneficial to themselves

0:34:15.839,0:34:20.960
and that’s human nature

0:34:18.000,0:34:22.320
help your team broaden that framework by

0:34:20.960,0:34:25.040
using stories

0:34:22.320,0:34:26.000
or your own experiences to discuss how

0:34:25.040,0:34:29.040
your choices

0:34:26.000,0:34:31.839
impact others our schools

0:34:29.040,0:34:32.560
the communities we live in and even the

0:34:31.839,0:34:35.599
long-term

0:34:32.560,0:34:38.399
greater good of society since the whole

0:34:35.599,0:34:40.240
ethical picture can help teens stop

0:34:38.399,0:34:41.599
before they do something they’ll later

0:34:40.240,0:34:43.760
regret

0:34:41.599,0:34:46.079
it’s also a good idea to point out the

0:34:43.760,0:34:48.079
joys of doing the right thing

0:34:46.079,0:34:49.119
like helping people out there’s a

0:34:48.079,0:34:51.760
there’s a makes you

0:34:49.119,0:34:53.760
feel good when you do it uh one of the

0:34:51.760,0:34:56.800
reasons that i enjoy

0:34:53.760,0:34:57.520
the work that i do i work at i.t and one

0:34:56.800,0:35:00.560
of the

0:34:57.520,0:35:03.440
benefits that i get to do is fix

0:35:00.560,0:35:04.240
problems for people and help people and

0:35:03.440,0:35:08.079
you know

0:35:04.240,0:35:10.079
resolve issues that they have and

0:35:08.079,0:35:11.280
even if they don’t show the gratitude

0:35:10.079,0:35:13.200
the fact that i’m able

0:35:11.280,0:35:16.560
to solve people’s problems is very

0:35:13.200,0:35:18.880
rewarding for me it’s it’s a big benefit

0:35:16.560,0:35:20.640
what’s the next one we have next one we

0:35:18.880,0:35:23.040
have is express confidence in their

0:35:20.640,0:35:24.640
ability to make ethical choices

0:35:23.040,0:35:26.079
people often live up to others

0:35:24.640,0:35:28.079
expectations of them

0:35:26.079,0:35:30.079
if you tell your teen not to do drugs

0:35:28.079,0:35:33.440
but they say you’ll think they will

0:35:30.079,0:35:35.520
probably but then say

0:35:33.440,0:35:36.800
you think they will probably drink

0:35:35.520,0:35:38.720
alcohol at a party

0:35:36.800,0:35:40.240
you have told them you expect them to

0:35:38.720,0:35:42.880
fail instead of

0:35:40.240,0:35:44.880
convic instead convey your certainty

0:35:42.880,0:35:46.960
that they have the strength values and

0:35:44.880,0:35:48.560
determination to make an ethical choice

0:35:46.960,0:35:53.200
even when it’s difficult

0:35:48.560,0:35:53.200
do you feel we do that for you um

0:35:54.000,0:35:58.000
uh considering the fact that whenever

0:35:56.480,0:36:01.200
you know mommy breaks out

0:35:58.000,0:36:03.760
a thing of wine after a tough day

0:36:01.200,0:36:04.400
and i kind of freak out um i think you

0:36:03.760,0:36:07.440
are

0:36:04.400,0:36:10.320
doing it maybe to an ex

0:36:07.440,0:36:12.079
an extreme extent but you know well and

0:36:10.320,0:36:15.200
and that’s the thing you know there are

0:36:12.079,0:36:17.119
things that are age-appropriate at

0:36:15.200,0:36:20.240
different ages

0:36:17.119,0:36:22.000
and wine would not be appropriate in our

0:36:20.240,0:36:25.359
society at your age

0:36:22.000,0:36:25.920
you know in europe it it would be um but

0:36:25.359,0:36:28.640
in your

0:36:25.920,0:36:31.359
wine is something that you drink as a

0:36:28.640,0:36:34.000
beverage you don’t drink to get drunk

0:36:31.359,0:36:35.040
and over here adults drink wine as a

0:36:34.000,0:36:38.240
beverage not

0:36:35.040,0:36:39.920
necessarily to get drunk

0:36:38.240,0:36:41.280
there are health benefits to certain

0:36:39.920,0:36:43.599
alcohols as well

0:36:41.280,0:36:45.359
you know there are antioxidants in wine

0:36:43.599,0:36:46.960
so there’s a there’s a health benefit to

0:36:45.359,0:36:49.760
it but

0:36:46.960,0:36:51.359
not to confuse the morals of it if

0:36:49.760,0:36:54.160
you’re under 21

0:36:51.359,0:36:55.760
you should not be consuming alcohol that

0:36:54.160,0:36:57.680
doesn’t mean that because somebody is

0:36:55.760,0:36:59.760
consuming alcohol and they’re over 21

0:36:57.680,0:37:03.280
that you need to get uptight about it

0:36:59.760,0:37:05.680
yeah adults can make that choice because

0:37:03.280,0:37:08.000
like we talked about last week our

0:37:05.680,0:37:08.400
brains develop at different stages in

0:37:08.000,0:37:10.240
life

0:37:08.400,0:37:12.079
and we can make those decisions more

0:37:10.240,0:37:14.960
clearly

0:37:12.079,0:37:15.760
so you know mommy and daddy are very

0:37:14.960,0:37:17.200
confident

0:37:15.760,0:37:19.040
in your ability to make the right

0:37:17.200,0:37:21.440
choices

0:37:19.040,0:37:22.800
that confidence is going to be tested as

0:37:21.440,0:37:24.480
you go through high school because

0:37:22.800,0:37:27.359
there’s going to be a lot more tough

0:37:24.480,0:37:30.000
choices you’re going to have to make

0:37:27.359,0:37:31.440
we i think i can speak for myself i

0:37:30.000,0:37:33.520
don’t want to speak for mommy but

0:37:31.440,0:37:35.359
i am confident that you’ll look at

0:37:33.520,0:37:38.240
things objectively

0:37:35.359,0:37:39.680
and make the choice that you feel is the

0:37:38.240,0:37:41.839
right choice

0:37:39.680,0:37:43.920
it’s up to mommy and daddy to make sure

0:37:41.839,0:37:46.400
you understand the difference between

0:37:43.920,0:37:46.960
the right choice on the wrong choice so

0:37:46.400,0:37:50.880
that’s

0:37:46.960,0:37:53.599
and it’s a continuing evolving process

0:37:50.880,0:37:55.599
the last thing they talk about is create

0:37:53.599,0:37:57.920
open communication

0:37:55.599,0:37:59.599
one of the best ways to help you think

0:37:57.920,0:38:03.119
through ethical dilemmas

0:37:59.599,0:38:05.280
is to ask them open-ended questions

0:38:03.119,0:38:06.960
these questions which can make great

0:38:05.280,0:38:08.560
dinner conversations

0:38:06.960,0:38:10.160
get them thinking about different

0:38:08.560,0:38:13.200
situations

0:38:10.160,0:38:15.839
they may face in life and also allow you

0:38:13.200,0:38:17.119
to share your values without lecturing

0:38:15.839,0:38:18.720
or preaching

0:38:17.119,0:38:20.480
that’s one thing that i will say i’m

0:38:18.720,0:38:23.300
guilty of a lot of times even on this

0:38:20.480,0:38:25.760
podcast is lecturing

0:38:23.300,0:38:27.359
[Music]

0:38:25.760,0:38:29.839
it’s probably not the best technique but

0:38:27.359,0:38:32.400
it’s one of those things where i try to

0:38:29.839,0:38:34.640
not just talk about something but relate

0:38:32.400,0:38:37.119
personal experiences

0:38:34.640,0:38:37.680
to kind of give some credence to what i

0:38:37.119,0:38:39.280
say

0:38:37.680,0:38:42.079
like i’ve lived through a lot of these

0:38:39.280,0:38:43.839
things and it’s so much easier to learn

0:38:42.079,0:38:45.359
from someone else’s mistakes than to

0:38:43.839,0:38:47.680
make the mistakes yourself

0:38:45.359,0:38:49.599
yeah and i’ll be the first to admit i

0:38:47.680,0:38:51.599
made a lot of mistakes in life

0:38:49.599,0:38:53.839
so i would much rather you learn from

0:38:51.599,0:38:57.359
mine than you have to make them yourself

0:38:53.839,0:39:01.520
okay so i think that was all we had

0:38:57.359,0:39:03.839
uh on our um

0:39:01.520,0:39:04.960
ways to train your teenager we’re going

0:39:03.839,0:39:07.520
to come back

0:39:04.960,0:39:09.359
and we’re going to kind of do a question

0:39:07.520,0:39:11.440
and answer session

0:39:09.359,0:39:13.040
and role play and i’m going to throw

0:39:11.440,0:39:15.280
some questionable

0:39:13.040,0:39:16.720
moral situations at you and see how

0:39:15.280,0:39:18.320
you’d answer them and then we’ll

0:39:16.720,0:39:19.570
we’ll work through those we’ll be back

0:39:18.320,0:39:27.520
after this

0:39:19.570,0:39:29.920
[Music]

0:39:27.520,0:39:31.920
insights into entertainment a podcast

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[Music]

0:39:35.520,0:39:39.359
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0:39:37.680,0:39:41.839
fanatics are exploring

0:39:39.359,0:39:43.510
all things from music and movies to

0:39:41.839,0:39:45.520
television and fandom

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[Music]

0:39:45.520,0:39:49.530
we’ll look at the interesting and

0:39:47.040,0:39:51.359
obscure entertainment news of the week

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0:39:53.359,0:39:56.800
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0:39:54.880,0:39:59.440
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0:39:56.800,0:40:01.760
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0:39:59.440,0:40:03.610
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0:40:01.760,0:40:06.079
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0:40:03.610,0:40:08.839
[Music]

0:40:06.079,0:40:10.240
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0:40:13.760,0:40:20.319
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0:40:17.680,0:40:24.290
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0:40:20.319,0:40:28.960
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0:40:24.290,0:40:31.280
[Music]

0:40:28.960,0:40:33.520
welcome back to insights in the teens

0:40:31.280,0:40:35.280
today we’re talking morals and ethics

0:40:33.520,0:40:37.200
and we’re going to play a little bit of

0:40:35.280,0:40:40.880
what would you do

0:40:37.200,0:40:42.640
okay you ready sure so what would you do

0:40:40.880,0:40:46.079
if you saw a kid cheating

0:40:42.640,0:40:48.880
off of your test paper so

0:40:46.079,0:40:49.280
my first reaction would probably be just

0:40:48.880,0:40:51.599
like

0:40:49.280,0:40:52.800
trying just like giving the kid a look

0:40:51.599,0:40:55.760
like

0:40:52.800,0:40:57.359
quit it and like covering my paper up um

0:40:55.760,0:40:58.960
to stop them from looking

0:40:57.359,0:41:01.280
if they didn’t stop then i’d probably

0:40:58.960,0:41:03.200
tell the teacher um

0:41:01.280,0:41:05.839
i definitely wouldn’t go to the teacher

0:41:03.200,0:41:10.079
um right away

0:41:05.839,0:41:10.960
i don’t if he became a distraction or if

0:41:10.079,0:41:13.359
he just

0:41:10.960,0:41:14.960
what just kept on doing it i would then

0:41:13.359,0:41:17.200
tell the teacher because

0:41:14.960,0:41:19.280
then it kind of got to the extreme i

0:41:17.200,0:41:21.520
tried like making him stop

0:41:19.280,0:41:22.560
myself but if he didn’t then i’d just go

0:41:21.520,0:41:24.240
to the teacher

0:41:22.560,0:41:25.839
okay so you’re not gonna propagate it

0:41:24.240,0:41:26.560
you’re not gonna help him continue to

0:41:25.839,0:41:30.079
cheat

0:41:26.560,0:41:32.560
no okay what would you do

0:41:30.079,0:41:34.880
if you saw your friend starting to make

0:41:32.560,0:41:37.119
fun of someone

0:41:34.880,0:41:38.720
i’d probably ask them like what the heck

0:41:37.119,0:41:42.800
why making fun of people

0:41:38.720,0:41:45.280
um why what’s your motivation for this

0:41:42.800,0:41:47.520
is something up guys what what did this

0:41:45.280,0:41:50.240
this person do anything what’s going on

0:41:47.520,0:41:51.359
okay i would just ask questions i

0:41:50.240,0:41:53.200
wouldn’t like

0:41:51.359,0:41:54.640
get i would get upset at them but i

0:41:53.200,0:41:55.680
wouldn’t like immediately stop being

0:41:54.640,0:41:56.800
friends with them i just want to know

0:41:55.680,0:41:59.920
why they were doing it

0:41:56.800,0:42:01.200
okay what would you do and we already

0:41:59.920,0:42:02.960
kind of addressed this but what would

0:42:01.200,0:42:04.079
you do if your best friend was wearing

0:42:02.960,0:42:08.079
something you thought was

0:42:04.079,0:42:11.040
ugly and asked she asked how she looked

0:42:08.079,0:42:11.920
i’d probably not say off the bat that i

0:42:11.040,0:42:15.359
thought she

0:42:11.920,0:42:16.319
looked bad i’d more or less say what i

0:42:15.359,0:42:20.079
think

0:42:16.319,0:42:21.760
um i’d probably just say

0:42:20.079,0:42:23.200
what i think she could maybe change

0:42:21.760,0:42:27.200
about the outfit

0:42:23.200,0:42:30.160
um to make it look not

0:42:27.200,0:42:30.640
not as bad so constructive criticism yes

0:42:30.160,0:42:33.040
okay

0:42:30.640,0:42:35.119
that’s a good answer what would you do

0:42:33.040,0:42:37.119
if someone put on a movie

0:42:35.119,0:42:38.800
that you know isn’t good for you to

0:42:37.119,0:42:41.200
watch

0:42:38.800,0:42:42.720
i’d probably ask them to pause it and

0:42:41.200,0:42:44.319
then i’d probably want to have a

0:42:42.720,0:42:47.119
conversation with them like

0:42:44.319,0:42:49.200
why are we watching this movie we really

0:42:47.119,0:42:51.119
shouldn’t be watching this

0:42:49.200,0:42:52.240
um and if they still wanted to watch the

0:42:51.119,0:42:54.640
movie i’d probably

0:42:52.240,0:42:55.520
say you know what if you want to watch

0:42:54.640,0:42:57.839
the movie

0:42:55.520,0:42:59.599
fine i’ve tried convincing you but i’m

0:42:57.839,0:43:01.920
gonna go into another room now

0:42:59.599,0:43:05.440
okay what would you do if you saw

0:43:01.920,0:43:09.200
someone a friend of yours shoplifting

0:43:05.440,0:43:12.800
um i tried telling them hey

0:43:09.200,0:43:14.319
put that back or or if that didn’t work

0:43:12.800,0:43:17.520
i’d probably have to go to like

0:43:14.319,0:43:19.680
i’d probably mention it to somebody okay

0:43:17.520,0:43:20.800
you so you’d take it to an authority at

0:43:19.680,0:43:24.160
that point yes

0:43:20.800,0:43:27.839
okay uh let’s see what you

0:43:24.160,0:43:30.800
do if your friend was being abused

0:43:27.839,0:43:31.520
in a dating relationship or by their

0:43:30.800,0:43:34.160
parent

0:43:31.520,0:43:35.280
but they asked you not to tell anyone i

0:43:34.160,0:43:37.920
would tell them that

0:43:35.280,0:43:40.160
it would be better if we i would try to

0:43:37.920,0:43:42.720
convince them that it is better to tell

0:43:40.160,0:43:44.640
someone about this because

0:43:42.720,0:43:46.960
you would be able to get out of that bad

0:43:44.640,0:43:48.960
relationship easily and if it did get

0:43:46.960,0:43:50.640
into something bad you could

0:43:48.960,0:43:52.839
you could bring it to the authorities if

0:43:50.640,0:43:54.400
you needed to i think that’s sound

0:43:52.839,0:43:56.160
advice

0:43:54.400,0:43:57.520
what would you do if someone offered you

0:43:56.160,0:44:00.880
the answer key

0:43:57.520,0:44:02.240
to a test you have to take i’d say no

0:44:00.880,0:44:04.640
because i more than

0:44:02.240,0:44:06.560
because i would feel confident myself

0:44:04.640,0:44:09.680
and i would also try

0:44:06.560,0:44:12.800
if and i’d also probably try influencing

0:44:09.680,0:44:14.880
them not to cheat off of it because

0:44:12.800,0:44:16.800
i would more or less say that i know

0:44:14.880,0:44:18.640
that they’re capable enough of doing it

0:44:16.800,0:44:19.599
and i’d say that they don’t need to use

0:44:18.640,0:44:21.280
it

0:44:19.599,0:44:24.240
um and i’d say that it would be better

0:44:21.280,0:44:26.800
not to cheat off of it and it

0:44:24.240,0:44:27.520
and you know just try convincing them

0:44:26.800,0:44:29.680
not to cheat

0:44:27.520,0:44:31.599
so you’d coach them in the confidence

0:44:29.680,0:44:33.839
yeah okay i think that’s a good answer i

0:44:31.599,0:44:36.800
didn’t expect that

0:44:33.839,0:44:38.880
uh what would you do if you knew you

0:44:36.800,0:44:40.319
could get someone you really don’t like

0:44:38.880,0:44:43.359
into trouble

0:44:40.319,0:44:45.680
by telling a lie about that person

0:44:43.359,0:44:45.680
um

0:44:46.560,0:44:52.800
i’m not really one to start gossip

0:44:50.319,0:44:55.359
so i’d probably not tell the lie and

0:44:52.800,0:44:58.240
hurt that person

0:44:55.359,0:44:59.040
even if i didn’t like them i wouldn’t

0:44:58.240,0:45:02.000
resort to

0:44:59.040,0:45:02.960
straight up gossip or just tattletailing

0:45:02.000,0:45:04.560
on them

0:45:02.960,0:45:06.960
i would more or less just leave that

0:45:04.560,0:45:08.640
person alone and basically be like

0:45:06.960,0:45:10.960
okay if they don’t mess with me i won’t

0:45:08.640,0:45:12.160
mess with them but if they mess with you

0:45:10.960,0:45:14.560
you get revenge

0:45:12.160,0:45:15.760
no okay even if they don’t mess with

0:45:14.560,0:45:17.440
even if they mess up that’s kind of what

0:45:15.760,0:45:19.359
you were suggesting

0:45:17.440,0:45:21.359
even if they mess with me i won’t mess

0:45:19.359,0:45:24.720
with them i’ll be the bigger person

0:45:21.359,0:45:26.319
there you go take the high ground

0:45:24.720,0:45:28.560
like anakin did yeah i was going to say

0:45:26.319,0:45:30.960
i have that one oh we wanted

0:45:28.560,0:45:32.079
i have the high ground and again uh what

0:45:30.960,0:45:34.880
would you do if you

0:45:32.079,0:45:35.920
found a 20 bill on the hallway floor at

0:45:34.880,0:45:37.599
school

0:45:35.920,0:45:39.200
i’d probably bring it to the principal’s

0:45:37.599,0:45:40.000
office and see if they could maybe

0:45:39.200,0:45:43.280
locate it

0:45:40.000,0:45:43.280
um um

0:45:43.359,0:45:50.880
if not i would still just bring it okay

0:45:47.359,0:45:53.280
and what would you do if a fred a friend

0:45:50.880,0:45:54.240
not fred your friend could be named fred

0:45:53.280,0:45:56.480
i don’t know

0:45:54.240,0:45:57.920
what would you do if your friend said he

0:45:56.480,0:46:01.359
sometimes thinks about

0:45:57.920,0:46:03.359
killing himself well i would definitely

0:46:01.359,0:46:05.520
say that that’s not going to be good in

0:46:03.359,0:46:10.319
any sense and i’d also offer

0:46:05.520,0:46:13.680
him to go to you know a therapist or

0:46:10.319,0:46:16.400
call a suicide prevention um

0:46:13.680,0:46:17.760
thing because that’s really something

0:46:16.400,0:46:18.720
that you really shouldn’t do and that’s

0:46:17.760,0:46:21.359
really bad and

0:46:18.720,0:46:22.720
you shouldn’t kill yourself or even and

0:46:21.359,0:46:25.119
if you have thoughts of it

0:46:22.720,0:46:27.359
you need help yeah that’s actually a

0:46:25.119,0:46:28.800
podcast that we we’ve got in development

0:46:27.359,0:46:30.400
now that’s

0:46:28.800,0:46:32.720
one of those that’s a little more

0:46:30.400,0:46:33.040
sensitive and i want to make sure we do

0:46:32.720,0:46:35.599
it

0:46:33.040,0:46:37.119
right so we’re not ready to do it just

0:46:35.599,0:46:40.160
yet

0:46:37.119,0:46:40.720
uh let’s see what will you do if your

0:46:40.160,0:46:43.200
friend

0:46:40.720,0:46:44.079
asks you to lie about something so they

0:46:43.200,0:46:46.480
didn’t get

0:46:44.079,0:46:48.079
caught i’d probably ask them like what

0:46:46.480,0:46:48.720
would they what they would get caught

0:46:48.079,0:46:52.800
for

0:46:48.720,0:46:55.839
and exactly why they think um

0:46:52.800,0:46:57.359
it would be good to lie about it and

0:46:55.839,0:46:59.440
also ask them what they think the

0:46:57.359,0:47:01.599
long-term consequences would be

0:46:59.440,0:47:03.680
of them lying instead of telling the

0:47:01.599,0:47:05.920
truth now and getting it over with

0:47:03.680,0:47:07.680
okay that’s a very analytical approach

0:47:05.920,0:47:09.599
to it i like that

0:47:07.680,0:47:11.839
the last one that we have here and i

0:47:09.599,0:47:13.200
think you pass this test with flying

0:47:11.839,0:47:15.119
colors

0:47:13.200,0:47:18.160
what would you do if you do you could

0:47:15.119,0:47:21.200
get accepted into a very good university

0:47:18.160,0:47:23.599
by lying about your application

0:47:21.200,0:47:26.000
relying on your application i probably

0:47:23.599,0:47:28.720
wouldn’t lie on my application

0:47:26.000,0:47:29.760
um even if it was like a really good

0:47:28.720,0:47:32.000
university

0:47:29.760,0:47:33.280
i would still be fine just going to a

0:47:32.000,0:47:34.800
regular one

0:47:33.280,0:47:36.800
i definitely don’t think i would want to

0:47:34.800,0:47:39.079
lie on my application because

0:47:36.800,0:47:40.720
that would have really long-term

0:47:39.079,0:47:44.160
consequences

0:47:40.720,0:47:47.119
especially if it’s for universities so

0:47:44.160,0:47:48.319
i definitely say um i would not lie and

0:47:47.119,0:47:49.359
i would just stick with whatever

0:47:48.319,0:47:52.240
university i can

0:47:49.359,0:47:54.240
get into okay and i think all your

0:47:52.240,0:47:57.440
answers to these questions were

0:47:54.240,0:47:59.599
certainly on the moral and ethical side

0:47:57.440,0:48:02.000
they weren’t too ambiguous

0:47:59.599,0:48:04.000
so as you’re having these conversations

0:48:02.000,0:48:07.200
with your teens keep in mind that the

0:48:04.000,0:48:10.559
fastest way to get a teen to clam up

0:48:07.200,0:48:13.599
is to express disapproval judgment or

0:48:10.559,0:48:14.240
horror at something they say remember

0:48:13.599,0:48:16.559
the teens

0:48:14.240,0:48:18.839
often say things for shock value but it

0:48:16.559,0:48:20.000
doesn’t necessarily mean they’ll follow

0:48:18.839,0:48:22.720
through

0:48:20.000,0:48:23.359
whatever your teen tells you stay calm

0:48:22.720,0:48:25.119
focus

0:48:23.359,0:48:26.480
on hearing your teen’s viewpoint

0:48:25.119,0:48:29.119
completely

0:48:26.480,0:48:31.920
and understanding their thoughts before

0:48:29.119,0:48:34.000
you even say a word

0:48:31.920,0:48:36.160
when you are ready to share your opinion

0:48:34.000,0:48:36.880
avoid using sentences that start with

0:48:36.160,0:48:39.760
you

0:48:36.880,0:48:42.160
stating you should be or you need to

0:48:39.760,0:48:44.160
causes your teen to become defensive

0:48:42.160,0:48:46.640
use i statements to express your

0:48:44.160,0:48:49.119
thoughts such as i wonder what

0:48:46.640,0:48:50.559
i wonder what would have happened if you

0:48:49.119,0:48:53.599
or i think

0:48:50.559,0:48:55.040
it could be helpful too you’re you are

0:48:53.599,0:48:57.599
trying to pro

0:48:55.040,0:49:00.000
prompt your teen to think ethically so

0:48:57.599,0:49:02.400
realize that this conversation

0:49:00.000,0:49:04.400
may plant seeds that get them to

0:49:02.400,0:49:05.760
consider approaching the situation in a

0:49:04.400,0:49:08.720
new way

0:49:05.760,0:49:10.800
and how do those phrases sit with you do

0:49:08.720,0:49:13.200
you think that’s an accurate statement

0:49:10.800,0:49:14.960
yeah i definitely think that just saying

0:49:13.200,0:49:17.200
you should have basically

0:49:14.960,0:49:18.960
is having your parent blame you and i

0:49:17.200,0:49:21.280
know a lot of times teens don’t really

0:49:18.960,0:49:24.559
like being blamed all that much

0:49:21.280,0:49:28.000
um and i definitely think that the i

0:49:24.559,0:49:31.040
the i think or i believe statements

0:49:28.000,0:49:34.079
um are definitely a lot better because

0:49:31.040,0:49:36.160
um you are suggesting it at least

0:49:34.079,0:49:38.640
and it doesn’t feel like you are

0:49:36.160,0:49:41.760
completely disapproving or

0:49:38.640,0:49:44.800
um you know blaming um

0:49:41.760,0:49:46.480
us and it’s more or less just a

0:49:44.800,0:49:47.839
something to think about from your

0:49:46.480,0:49:50.480
parental figure

0:49:47.839,0:49:52.400
right that’s very well said i think

0:49:50.480,0:49:54.160
that’s all we had for today i hope this

0:49:52.400,0:49:56.160
was helpful for folks

0:49:54.160,0:49:58.040
uh we’ll be right back to get your

0:49:56.160,0:50:02.880
closing thoughts alrighty

0:49:58.040,0:50:05.680
[Music]

0:50:02.880,0:50:08.000
go for your closing thoughts okay so to

0:50:05.680,0:50:11.119
everyone out there i wanted to say

0:50:08.000,0:50:11.680
that um it’s very important for teens to

0:50:11.119,0:50:14.480
have good

0:50:11.680,0:50:16.400
morals and ethics and a lot of it needs

0:50:14.480,0:50:19.520
to be influenced by parents

0:50:16.400,0:50:21.200
the media is unless the media has a

0:50:19.520,0:50:22.880
sudden change of heart

0:50:21.200,0:50:24.720
a lot of the media is going to revolve

0:50:22.880,0:50:28.160
around really bad morals

0:50:24.720,0:50:30.160
and things that teens shouldn’t be doing

0:50:28.160,0:50:32.079
and parents are really big influencers

0:50:30.160,0:50:34.400
in this area along with

0:50:32.079,0:50:36.480
schools as well and i definitely think

0:50:34.400,0:50:38.559
we need to promote more of

0:50:36.480,0:50:40.480
what teens should be doing and also

0:50:38.559,0:50:42.160
talking more about the consequences of

0:50:40.480,0:50:43.440
what they do if they don’t do something

0:50:42.160,0:50:45.040
morally right

0:50:43.440,0:50:46.480
instead of just saying hey you shouldn’t

0:50:45.040,0:50:49.520
be doing this

0:50:46.480,0:50:53.040
um and you know try these

0:50:49.520,0:50:55.760
um what ifs and what if scenarios

0:50:53.040,0:50:56.319
and you know talk with your teen about

0:50:55.760,0:50:59.520
this

0:50:56.319,0:51:01.359
and remember don’t use don’t

0:50:59.520,0:51:03.200
sound like you’re blaming your teen just

0:51:01.359,0:51:06.800
give them suggestions

0:51:03.200,0:51:08.640
okay sage’s advice as always thank you

0:51:06.800,0:51:10.240
before we go i do want to remind folks

0:51:08.640,0:51:13.119
you can get high-res versions of our

0:51:10.240,0:51:16.160
videos on youtube at youtube.com

0:51:13.119,0:51:17.839
insights into things we do stream five

0:51:16.160,0:51:19.760
days a week both on twitch

0:51:17.839,0:51:21.119
and youtube on twitch you can catch us

0:51:19.760,0:51:23.200
at twitch.tv

0:51:21.119,0:51:25.119
insights into things if you are an

0:51:23.200,0:51:26.079
amazon prime subscriber you do get a

0:51:25.119,0:51:28.880
free

0:51:26.079,0:51:30.640
monthly twitch prime subscription if you

0:51:28.880,0:51:32.880
threw that our way we’d be

0:51:30.640,0:51:34.400
grateful you can also get all your

0:51:32.880,0:51:36.760
versions of this podcast

0:51:34.400,0:51:38.400
on the web at podcast insights into

0:51:36.760,0:51:40.720
teens.com

0:51:38.400,0:51:41.760
where we get links to all of our sites

0:51:40.720,0:51:45.760
all of our

0:51:41.760,0:51:45.760
social media on our website at

0:51:46.359,0:51:49.760
http://www.insightsintothings.com

0:51:48.319,0:51:51.680
that’s another one in the books we’re

0:51:49.760,0:51:54.240
out

0:51:51.680,0:51:56.880
oh oh i’m sorry um see look and i went

0:51:54.240,0:51:59.359
all script that’s what the problem was

0:51:56.880,0:52:01.200
and you and don’t forget to check out

0:51:59.359,0:52:03.119
our other two podcast insights in the

0:52:01.200,0:52:04.880
entertainment hosted by you and mommy

0:52:03.119,0:52:06.960
and it’s it’s into tomorrow our monthly

0:52:04.880,0:52:08.640
podcast hosted by you and my brother sam

0:52:06.960,0:52:10.319
see that’ll teach me to change things up

0:52:08.640,0:52:12.640
at the end there

0:52:10.319,0:52:15.119
now we have another one of the books bye

0:52:12.640,0:52:15.119
everyone

0:52:16.839,0:52:19.839
bye

0:52:30.839,0:52:33.839
so

0:52:43.200,0:52:45.280
you

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