Insights Into Teens: Episode 114 “Forgiveness”

This week we’ll understand what forgiveness truly is, the three major forms of forgiveness and why forgiveness is so important for our adolescents and teens. Then we’ll take a look at some of the challenges that teens face when it comes to forgiveness before we finish up by looking at the health benefits of forgiveness and how you can help your teen be a more forgiving person.

Show Notes

INTRO THEME]

  • [INTRODUCTIONS]
    • Insights Into Teens: Episode 114 “Forgiveness”
    • My caring and understanding co-host Madison Whalen
    • Summary
      • This week we’ll understand what forgiveness truly is, the three major forms of forgiveness and why forgiveness is so important for our adolescents and teens. Then we’ll take a look at some of the challenges that teens face when it comes to forgiveness before we finish up by looking at the health benefits of forgiveness and how you can help your teen be a more forgiving person.
    • [Show Plugs]

[TRANSITION]

   [SEGMENT 1] 

  • Forgiveness is a tricky thing. 
    • It’s something that emotions and the ego can get in the way of. 
    • It’s something we need to do to move forward in certain situations. 
    • It’s something that often involves our relationship with others. 
    • And, sometimes, it’s even something that only we can give to ourselves. 
  • Forgiveness comes in three forms:
    • Forgiveness of others – When one forgives someone else for something
    • Forgiveness from others – When one is forgiven by someone else for something
    • Forgiveness of yourself – When one forgives themself for something.
  • Forgiveness also needs to be genuine. 
    • Simply saying the words, “I’m sorry” doesn’t mean that someone actually is sorry. 
    • Saying these words is something that’s often encouraged in childhood and continues to be put in practice into adulthood. 
    • In order to teach young people how to really apologize, they need to be guided to understand what wrongdoing is and how they should have approached a situation. 
    • Additionally, they need to be taught how to express their emotions. 
    • These are things that should start in childhood and continue throughout adolescence.
  • Why forgiveness is important 
    • Kids can be cruel. 
      • A 2012 study talks about how an adolescent’s adjustment is related to just how they cope with negative experiences among others in their age group. 
      • They took a look at just what kind of potential forgiveness has as a way to cope with these kinds of negative experiences.
      • It turns out that:
        • Adolescents who were more forgiving were likely to engage in more effective forms of coping and less likely to seek revenge when bullied
        • Forgiveness might be a valuable coping strategy for both victims and bully-victims because youth who respond to bullying in more negative ways perpetuate victimization and other relationship problems with their peers; and
        • The act of forgiving may also help the development of the ability to identify remorse and express empathy.
      • Further research confirmed that forgiving is good for you because it can reduce the burden on mental health. 
        • By being forgiving of ourselves and others, the connection between stress and mental illness can be eliminated. 
        • In other words, forgiveness can help young people to both overcome and let go of negative experiences among peers, and it can have a positive effect on their social development and mental health.

[AD1: SSE]

[SEGMENT 2]

  • The challenge teens face in exercising forgiveness
  • According to experts, teens’ immediate responses to being wronged by someone else are motivated by hormones…and there are lots of hormones at play for this age group. 
  • They also say that the part of the brain that helps someone to have self-control – and the ability to control their immediate responses – doesn’t fully mature until about age 26. 
  • That means that the urge for payback is strong and can be hard to overcome, but patience and putting oneself in the other person’s shoes in order to let go of hard feelings will pay off in the end.
  • How forgiveness is different for teens and adolescents
  • Think about the last time you were faced with having to forgive or ask for forgiveness. 
  • It probably had to do with a social situation involving one other person or a group of other people. 
  • A 2018 study discusses that “by its very nature, forgiveness is an interpersonal process, and to fully understand the forgiveness process, the perspectives of both the victim (who may grant forgiveness) and the perpetrator (who may seek forgiveness) is needed.” 
  • Adolescence is a critical time for social situations and research shows that there are differences in how different aged young people both understand wrongdoings and approach forgiveness. 
  • There’s a sort of spectrum that kids move through as they develop an understanding of the consequences of their actions and the nature of forgiveness.
  • For example – two opposite ends of this spectrum are that:
    • Younger children negotiate with forgiveness, claiming that they’ll forgive in exchange for something they want/need
    • College-aged youth view it more as a means to maintain social relationships.
  • It’s important to consider just how much of an understanding of forgiveness youth have at their age and stage of life.
  • Another consideration is that, given the media- and technology-based culture we live in, cyberbullying is a looming threat to young people. 
  • Research shows that the promotion of forgiveness can help to prevent cyberbullying. 
  • This is a huge opportunity for those in content development and creation. 
  • That the very virtual landscape in which cyberbullying happens could potentially prevent it through stressing its importance and educating on how to achieve it, ultimately helping youth to overcome wrongdoings by letting go and practicing forgiveness, is exciting!

[AD2: ENTERTAINMENT]

[SEGMENT 3] 

  • Health Benefits of Forgiveness 
    • Researchers have identified that forgiveness is associated with several benefits including better physical and mental health (e.g., low blood pressure, psychological well-being), reduced anger, and maintenance of close relationships. 
    • On the other hand, holding grudges and seeking revenge is associated with several health concerns including depression, anxiety, poor physical health and lower self-esteem. 
    • The benefits of forgiveness have not only been found in adults, but also in children and adolescents as well. 
    • The ability to forgive someone is an essential component to maintaining relationships with others and is especially important during development. 
    • Peer relationships are crucial for children’s social, emotional, physical and psychological well being
    • But as we all know from experience, relationships are not always easy to manage, especially in the face of conflict.
  • How can we teach children about the virtue of forgiveness?
    • One very important way is through parenting. 
      • As research has consistently shown, children often imitate their parents’ behaviors, making parents a direct model of behavior for their children. 
      • One study in particular demonstrated how parents’ forgiving tendencies were associated with their child’s forgiving tendencies and the results were maintained up to one year later. 
      • Outside of modelling forgiving behavior, parents can also explicitly teach their children about forgiveness and how they should respond when faced with conflict or when someone has hurt them.
    • Despite parents’ best efforts to instill appropriate values in their children, they are often in competition with the media. 
      • In today’s society, media is a very powerful tool that can manipulate the beliefs, norms, perceptions, values and behaviors of the society at large
      • If something is accepted by the media, it is often accepted by society as well. 
      • But if used appropriately, media can be an important educational tool. 
      • Therefore, what children see in the media they consume (i.e., YouTube, television, apps) will have an enormous impact on their development, and sometimes even more so than parents
      • In this sense, how characters and stories are represented in the media matters a lot. 
      • Oftentimes, representation of characters is talked about in terms of gender or race. 
      • However, what we must not forget is that representation can also be about a character’s internal qualities, morals, and beliefs; embodying forgiveness is no exception. 
      • Because of the many benefits that accompany the act of forgiving (and being forgiven), it is crucial that we create characters in the media who display the virtue of forgiveness and can therefore teach children and adolescents how to exercise this in their own lives.

[TRANSITION]

[OUTRO AND CREDITS]

Transcription

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[Music]

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insightful podcasts

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by informative hosts

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[Music]

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insights into things a podcast network

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[Music]

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welcome to insights into teens a podcast

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series exploring the issues and

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challenges of today’s youth

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your hosts are joseph and madison whalen

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a father and daughter team

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making their way through the challenges

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of the teenage years

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[Applause]

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welcome to insights into teens this is

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episode

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114 forgiveness

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i’m your host joseph whalen and my

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caring and

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understanding co-host madison whalen hi

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everyone

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how you doing today maddie i’m doing all

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right how about you

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doing okay so things are

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slowing down for you you’ve finished

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school for the uh

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year you’re on your summer break just

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started this week right yep

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so big plans for the summer

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maybe i don’t really i don’t really know

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so you’ve got some projects that you’re

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working on which some of which we’ve

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talked about on the podcast

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yep um because last year remember last

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year we

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kind of did a podcast on what you were

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doing for the summer

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yeah um we’re picking up with

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what was the online varsity tutors

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varsity tutor so you signed up for a

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couple of classes there as well

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and that’s probably a a subject that we

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should do a podcast on and kind of

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highlight what they do

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and talk about what they do and and the

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benefit that you get from that so maybe

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we’ll do a topic on that

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okay we’ve got uh vacation

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some day trips planned for later in the

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summer

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you’ve got a couple of movie projects

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you’re working on you’ve got the work

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for the

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podcast so chances are you’ll be you’ll

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be

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pretty busy for the good a good portion

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of summer with that in your summer work

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and

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reading and stuff right no worries

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though right

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it’s okay you can lie to me here yes no

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worries there we go that’s what we like

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to hear

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so today we’re talking forgiveness so

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this week

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we’ll understand what forgiveness truly

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is

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the three major forms of forgiveness and

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why forgiveness is so important for our

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adolescents and teens

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then we’ll take a look at some of the

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challenges that teens face when it comes

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to forgiveness

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before we finish up by looking at the

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health benefits of forgiveness

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and how you can help your teen be a more

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forgiving person

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before we do that though i would um ask

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folks to subscribe to the podcast

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you can get the audio version of this

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listed as insights into teens

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reach out to us give us your feedback

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and more at http://www.insightsintothings.com

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ready to get into it why not well i

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could come up with a few reasons if you

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really want me to

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no just just go just go okay i’m going

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[Music]

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so forgiveness um

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today’s research was gotten or

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obtained from

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scholarsandstorytellers.com

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forgiveness they say is a tricky thing

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it’s something that

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emotions and the ego could get in the

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way of it’s something we need to do

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to move forward in certain situations

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it’s something that often involves our

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relationship with others and sometimes

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it’s even something that only we can

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give to ourselves and i think

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self-forgiveness is is one of the

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toughest things a lot of people face

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forgiveness comes in three forms you can

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have forgiveness of others when one

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forgives someone else for something

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you can get forgiveness from others when

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one is forgiven by someone else for

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something

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or you can have forgiveness of yourself

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when one forgives themselves of

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something they’ve done

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a disappointment not reaching a goal

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saying something or doing something that

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you’d wish you hadn’t done and so forth

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so forgiveness also needs to be genuine

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simply saying the words i’m sorry

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doesn’t mean that someone

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actually is sorry a lot of parents get

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into the habit when their kids are young

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if they do something wrong they say well

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go say you’re sorry and the kid goes

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over and says oh i’m sorry

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and walks away when they’re really not

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sorry

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so it doesn’t really solve anything it

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probably sets a bad precedent

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saying these words is something that’s

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often encouraged in childhood and

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continues to be put to practice in

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adulthood because that’s a polite thing

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to do to say you’re sorry

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yeah in order to teach young people how

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to really apologize they need to be

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guided to

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understand what wrongdoing is

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and how they should have approached the

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situation differently to do it right

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the next time additionally they need to

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be taught

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how to express their emotions and i

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think

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uh adolescents and teens that’s one of

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the biggest struggles there is

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you feel things that you don’t really

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know what they are you don’t have labels

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or words

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or ways to describe them and

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you need to learn that it’s an important

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part of growing up

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these are things that should start in

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childhood and continue throughout

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adolescence but

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if you don’t have the proper guidance

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you tend to be missing some of these

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skills

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yeah so why tell us why forgiveness

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is important well forgiveness is

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important one

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um in order to you know

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at least oh i thought you were asking me

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that

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yeah i i was but i kind of wrote you

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know we have the notes there for it so

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let’s just cut that out in post

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forget that ever happen so

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kids can be cruel a 2012 study talks

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about how an

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adolescence adjustment is related to

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just how they cope with negative

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experiences

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among others in their age group they

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they took a look at just what kind of

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potential forgiveness

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has has as

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a way to cope with these kinds of

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negative experiences

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so before we get into that for for

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you know real as we go through the notes

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here

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you had obviously some ideas of why

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forgiveness is important let’s hear your

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thoughts on why you think forgiveness is

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important before we get into the

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technical study information well i

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definitely think

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that forgiveness is important because

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you don’t want to be holding

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you don’t want to like have be on bad

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terms with people because

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that can lead i’m pretty sure that’s

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led to pretty bad events and while it

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might not be

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extreme it’s still good to at least be

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on good terms with someone

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um and at least um

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in a way just agree to disagree at least

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and that’s a very good point and let me

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ask you have you ever had an

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instance where you may have had

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a disagreement or an argument with a

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family member or a friend

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and in retrospect you had

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an opportunity to go back and look at

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what you said or did and realize what

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you did was wrong

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but didn’t forgive that person right

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away

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did that ever happen to you uh there was

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one time where i’d gotten into somewhat

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of a fight with lindsay

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um now we had gotten into fights um

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kind of a lot um

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mainly i guess be mainly because i

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wasn’t emotionally

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i didn’t know how to control my emotions

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at that point

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right that was a tough time for you as

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you know growing up

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and i was normally the one who started

0:09:24.480,0:09:28.560
the fights anyway um

0:09:26.320,0:09:30.399
and usually we’d make up by the end of

0:09:28.560,0:09:31.440
the day but there was this one point

0:09:30.399,0:09:33.760
where

0:09:31.440,0:09:35.600
it had took an entire week until we

0:09:33.760,0:09:38.160
eventually made up again

0:09:35.600,0:09:39.040
um and during that week how did it make

0:09:38.160,0:09:42.240
you feel

0:09:39.040,0:09:44.560
not not making up it

0:09:42.240,0:09:45.519
was definitely one of the hardest weeks

0:09:44.560,0:09:48.320
um i

0:09:45.519,0:09:50.080
had to go through because lindsay was

0:09:48.320,0:09:52.800
one of the only friends i actually

0:09:50.080,0:09:54.320
had and she was like one of the only

0:09:52.800,0:09:57.279
kids who stayed around

0:09:54.320,0:09:58.800
because i had to stay in aftercare for a

0:09:57.279,0:10:00.880
pretty long time and she was one of the

0:09:58.800,0:10:02.720
only kids who went to aftercare

0:10:00.880,0:10:04.079
and stayed there for a decent amount of

0:10:02.720,0:10:07.120
time so

0:10:04.079,0:10:10.399
i really didn’t have any friends

0:10:07.120,0:10:11.120
um until until i ended up making up with

0:10:10.399,0:10:13.680
her

0:10:11.120,0:10:16.560
but emotionally how did you feel

0:10:13.680,0:10:20.079
carrying that baggage for a week

0:10:16.560,0:10:22.640
it felt really bad i felt

0:10:20.079,0:10:26.000
like i knew this wasn’t another one of

0:10:22.640,0:10:29.600
our regular fights where i’d apologize

0:10:26.000,0:10:31.360
and honestly i was just an emotional

0:10:29.600,0:10:34.800
package that week

0:10:31.360,0:10:36.800
um i hated the fact that i

0:10:34.800,0:10:38.800
that i didn’t apologize i didn’t know

0:10:36.800,0:10:40.240
what was the right way to fix it and i

0:10:38.800,0:10:40.800
felt like we weren’t going to be friends

0:10:40.240,0:10:42.320
anymore

0:10:40.800,0:10:44.000
yeah and we’ll talk about that a little

0:10:42.320,0:10:44.880
bit more but that’s exactly what they’re

0:10:44.000,0:10:48.079
talking about

0:10:44.880,0:10:50.480
here is why it’s important because it

0:10:48.079,0:10:52.240
carrying that emotional baggage knowing

0:10:50.480,0:10:52.959
that maybe you did something wrong or

0:10:52.240,0:10:55.839
you

0:10:52.959,0:10:56.240
hurt a friend’s feelings takes a toll on

0:10:55.839,0:10:58.880
you

0:10:56.240,0:11:00.240
emotionally and it can be emotionally

0:10:58.880,0:11:02.480
exhausting for you to

0:11:00.240,0:11:04.320
to carry that around without getting

0:11:02.480,0:11:07.920
clearing your your conscience

0:11:04.320,0:11:10.880
so to speak tell us what they talk about

0:11:07.920,0:11:12.800
um as far as the study goes so it turns

0:11:10.880,0:11:15.279
out that adolescents who are more

0:11:12.800,0:11:19.680
forgiving were more likely to

0:11:15.279,0:11:21.760
engage in more effective forms of coping

0:11:19.680,0:11:24.320
and less likely to seek revenge when

0:11:21.760,0:11:26.640
bullied forgiveness might be a valuable

0:11:24.320,0:11:28.320
coping strategy for both victims and

0:11:26.640,0:11:31.839
bully victims because

0:11:28.320,0:11:35.360
youth who respond to bullying

0:11:31.839,0:11:38.640
are in more negative ways

0:11:35.360,0:11:39.680
perpetuate victimization and other

0:11:38.640,0:11:43.360
relationship

0:11:39.680,0:11:46.320
problems with their peers and

0:11:43.360,0:11:48.640
and the act of forgiving may also help

0:11:46.320,0:11:49.680
the development of the ability to

0:11:48.640,0:11:52.560
identify

0:11:49.680,0:11:54.079
remorse and express empathy right so

0:11:52.560,0:11:58.480
what they’re really saying here

0:11:54.079,0:12:00.079
is that kids that don’t forgive

0:11:58.480,0:12:01.920
whether it’s from bullying or something

0:12:00.079,0:12:05.600
else perpetuate

0:12:01.920,0:12:09.680
that cycle of violence or abuse

0:12:05.600,0:12:10.959
or bullying and it continues further

0:12:09.680,0:12:15.040
down the line

0:12:10.959,0:12:19.040
the kids that can forgive and

0:12:15.040,0:12:21.360
and kind of patch up those

0:12:19.040,0:12:22.560
relationship problems are more

0:12:21.360,0:12:26.240
empathetic

0:12:22.560,0:12:27.600
you know what empathy is so so empathy

0:12:26.240,0:12:31.040
for for the audience

0:12:27.600,0:12:33.519
empathy is the ability to

0:12:31.040,0:12:34.959
feel the emotions or sense the emotions

0:12:33.519,0:12:37.360
of others

0:12:34.959,0:12:38.079
so if i say something to hurt your

0:12:37.360,0:12:40.079
feelings

0:12:38.079,0:12:41.360
and i see that your feelings are hurt

0:12:40.079,0:12:45.120
and i’m empathetic

0:12:41.360,0:12:48.399
it then bothers me because i feel

0:12:45.120,0:12:50.079
sort of what you’re feeling and kids

0:12:48.399,0:12:53.120
that can forgive

0:12:50.079,0:12:54.000
tend to be more empathetic and later on

0:12:53.120,0:12:57.120
in life that

0:12:54.000,0:13:00.480
empathy is what makes us you know

0:12:57.120,0:13:04.800
kind forgiving accepting humans

0:13:00.480,0:13:07.519
so if you don’t forgive then

0:13:04.800,0:13:10.079
it’s a it’s a compounding cycle where it

0:13:07.519,0:13:12.079
just gets progressively worse from there

0:13:10.079,0:13:14.240
which is another reason why it’s very

0:13:12.079,0:13:15.680
important to forgive

0:13:14.240,0:13:18.079
what was that there was another point

0:13:15.680,0:13:20.639
that they bring up as well what was that

0:13:18.079,0:13:21.360
um so further research confirmed that

0:13:20.639,0:13:23.519
forgiving

0:13:21.360,0:13:25.760
is good for you because it can reduce

0:13:23.519,0:13:29.040
the burden on mental health

0:13:25.760,0:13:31.519
by being forgiving of others

0:13:29.040,0:13:33.839
of ourselves and others the connection

0:13:31.519,0:13:34.959
between stress and mental illness can be

0:13:33.839,0:13:36.880
eliminated

0:13:34.959,0:13:38.000
in other words forgiveness can help

0:13:36.880,0:13:39.760
young people to both

0:13:38.000,0:13:41.680
overcome and let go of negative

0:13:39.760,0:13:43.680
experiences among peers

0:13:41.680,0:13:45.839
and it can be a positive effect on their

0:13:43.680,0:13:48.639
social development and mental health

0:13:45.839,0:13:50.880
exactly so you know we all get into

0:13:48.639,0:13:52.560
situations where

0:13:50.880,0:13:54.560
we do something wrong or someone does

0:13:52.560,0:13:58.079
something wrong to us

0:13:54.560,0:14:01.120
and that’s like an emotional trauma

0:13:58.079,0:14:02.079
to the human psyche and the act of

0:14:01.120,0:14:04.000
forgiving is

0:14:02.079,0:14:06.560
is really the first part of the healing

0:14:04.000,0:14:09.279
process of the human psyche

0:14:06.560,0:14:11.519
uh if you if you cut yourself and you

0:14:09.279,0:14:13.839
never bother to clean it and bandage it

0:14:11.519,0:14:15.839
it’s not going to heal properly

0:14:13.839,0:14:17.680
and if it doesn’t heal properly you get

0:14:15.839,0:14:20.639
you know recurring wounds

0:14:17.680,0:14:23.120
you’ll get scarring and you carry that

0:14:20.639,0:14:25.920
wound for your whole life

0:14:23.120,0:14:26.959
and when you think of conflict with

0:14:25.920,0:14:28.560
other people

0:14:26.959,0:14:32.320
you get into an argument with someone

0:14:28.560,0:14:35.680
and a lot of times the emotions run high

0:14:32.320,0:14:37.440
and you say things that you don’t mean

0:14:35.680,0:14:39.040
but they are things that come out in the

0:14:37.440,0:14:42.160
heat of the moment because

0:14:39.040,0:14:43.760
of how high your emotions are

0:14:42.160,0:14:45.600
and you go back afterwards and you know

0:14:43.760,0:14:47.279
you didn’t mean those things

0:14:45.600,0:14:48.639
but if you don’t start the healing

0:14:47.279,0:14:50.320
process by

0:14:48.639,0:14:52.320
forgiving the person who said those

0:14:50.320,0:14:53.920
things or for apologizing

0:14:52.320,0:14:55.519
for those things if you don’t start that

0:14:53.920,0:14:58.240
healing process

0:14:55.519,0:14:58.880
then that rift starts that scar starts

0:14:58.240,0:15:02.399
to

0:14:58.880,0:15:02.880
scab over and that problem never goes

0:15:02.399,0:15:04.240
away

0:15:02.880,0:15:06.000
and then the next time you’re in that

0:15:04.240,0:15:08.160
situation

0:15:06.000,0:15:10.160
if you’re the person who hurts someone

0:15:08.160,0:15:11.519
it makes it much easier for you to hurt

0:15:10.160,0:15:12.560
that person because you’re less

0:15:11.519,0:15:15.120
empathetic

0:15:12.560,0:15:15.760
at that point so it’s something that

0:15:15.120,0:15:17.600
really you

0:15:15.760,0:15:19.040
you kind of need to treat right off the

0:15:17.600,0:15:22.720
bat and not wait

0:15:19.040,0:15:23.760
if you can avoid waiting so let’s take a

0:15:22.720,0:15:25.839
quick break

0:15:23.760,0:15:27.120
and we’ll come back and we’ll talk about

0:15:25.839,0:15:29.680
some of the challenges

0:15:27.120,0:15:31.500
that teens face when it comes to

0:15:29.680,0:15:38.110
forgiveness

0:15:31.500,0:15:38.110
[Music]

0:15:38.839,0:15:43.600
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of friendly

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and helpful active members a weekly

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and an active community both on the web

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[Music]

0:16:41.920,0:16:45.680
welcome back to insights into teens

0:16:44.160,0:16:48.639
today we are talking

0:16:45.680,0:16:50.560
forgiveness so there are certain

0:16:48.639,0:16:52.959
challenges that teens face when it comes

0:16:50.560,0:16:55.120
to forgiveness and as

0:16:52.959,0:16:56.480
really it has nothing to do with

0:16:55.120,0:16:59.120
[Music]

0:16:56.480,0:17:01.199
why you need to forgive someone

0:16:59.120,0:17:02.160
according to experts teens immediate

0:17:01.199,0:17:04.880
responses

0:17:02.160,0:17:06.720
to being wronged by someone are

0:17:04.880,0:17:08.799
motivated by hormones

0:17:06.720,0:17:10.799
and there are a lot of hormones at play

0:17:08.799,0:17:13.360
in this age group

0:17:10.799,0:17:14.720
they also say that part of the brain

0:17:13.360,0:17:18.079
that helps someone

0:17:14.720,0:17:20.959
to have self-control and the ability

0:17:18.079,0:17:22.319
to control their immediate responses

0:17:20.959,0:17:26.799
doesn’t fully mature

0:17:22.319,0:17:28.799
until you’re about 26 years old wow so

0:17:26.799,0:17:30.799
people under that age tend to be very

0:17:28.799,0:17:33.120
impulsive

0:17:30.799,0:17:35.200
and i could attest to that because when

0:17:33.120,0:17:38.960
i was your age

0:17:35.200,0:17:42.880
i had a lot of issues

0:17:38.960,0:17:44.840
where i would get in the fights a lot um

0:17:42.880,0:17:46.960
i was the type of person i never liked

0:17:44.840,0:17:47.520
bullies and i was one of the biggest

0:17:46.960,0:17:50.640
kids

0:17:47.520,0:17:52.400
in school my entire school career so

0:17:50.640,0:17:53.679
every time i saw a bully picking on

0:17:52.400,0:17:55.440
someone whether it was my friend or

0:17:53.679,0:17:57.440
someone else

0:17:55.440,0:18:00.720
i was the type of person who intervened

0:17:57.440,0:18:02.880
i couldn’t control that urge to not

0:18:00.720,0:18:04.400
just turn the other cheek and as a

0:18:02.880,0:18:06.320
result i wound up getting into a lot of

0:18:04.400,0:18:08.400
fights that way

0:18:06.320,0:18:10.160
so they go on to say that that means the

0:18:08.400,0:18:13.679
urge for payback

0:18:10.160,0:18:16.400
is strong it can be hard to overcome

0:18:13.679,0:18:18.240
but patience and putting oneself in the

0:18:16.400,0:18:20.880
other person’s shoes

0:18:18.240,0:18:22.799
in order to let go of hard feelings will

0:18:20.880,0:18:24.240
pay off in the end and this is where

0:18:22.799,0:18:26.320
some of the struggles with teens are

0:18:24.240,0:18:28.559
where teens tend to

0:18:26.320,0:18:29.760
see what’s happening in the moment right

0:18:28.559,0:18:32.080
now

0:18:29.760,0:18:34.400
and and that’s not a dig on teens that’s

0:18:32.080,0:18:37.760
just the way your brains are wired

0:18:34.400,0:18:41.039
and it’s a survival instinct most

0:18:37.760,0:18:44.160
most teens tend to not look at the

0:18:41.039,0:18:49.039
bigger picture the long-term picture

0:18:44.160,0:18:52.160
um and and that’s just from evolution

0:18:49.039,0:18:53.840
so what else uh how else is is

0:18:52.160,0:18:55.039
forgiveness different with teens and

0:18:53.840,0:18:56.960
adolescents

0:18:55.039,0:18:59.440
so think about the last time you were

0:18:56.960,0:19:01.039
faced with having to forgive or ask for

0:18:59.440,0:19:03.280
forgiveness

0:19:01.039,0:19:04.160
it probably had to do with a social

0:19:03.280,0:19:06.559
situation

0:19:04.160,0:19:07.919
involving one other person or group of

0:19:06.559,0:19:11.280
other people

0:19:07.919,0:19:14.720
a 2018 studies discusses that

0:19:11.280,0:19:17.520
by its very nature forgiveness is an

0:19:14.720,0:19:18.480
interpersonal process and to fully

0:19:17.520,0:19:21.280
understand

0:19:18.480,0:19:22.640
the forgiveness process the perspectives

0:19:21.280,0:19:25.640
of both the victim

0:19:22.640,0:19:27.039
whom who may grant forgiveness and the

0:19:25.640,0:19:29.679
perpetrator

0:19:27.039,0:19:31.440
who may seek forgiveness is needed

0:19:29.679,0:19:34.080
adolescence

0:19:31.440,0:19:36.880
adolescence is a critical time for

0:19:34.080,0:19:38.880
social situations and res

0:19:36.880,0:19:40.320
and research shows that there are

0:19:38.880,0:19:43.360
differences in how

0:19:40.320,0:19:44.080
different age aged young people both

0:19:43.360,0:19:46.720
understand

0:19:44.080,0:19:48.640
wrongdoings and approach forgiveness

0:19:46.720,0:19:49.440
there’s a sort of spectrum that kids

0:19:48.640,0:19:51.520
move through

0:19:49.440,0:19:53.600
as they develop an understanding of the

0:19:51.520,0:19:56.320
consequences of their actions

0:19:53.600,0:19:57.520
and the nature of forgiveness for

0:19:56.320,0:20:00.480
example

0:19:57.520,0:20:01.360
two opposite ends of the spectrum are

0:20:00.480,0:20:03.120
that

0:20:01.360,0:20:05.039
young children negotiate with

0:20:03.120,0:20:06.240
forgiveness claiming that they’ll

0:20:05.039,0:20:08.480
forgive in

0:20:06.240,0:20:09.600
in exchange for something they wanted or

0:20:08.480,0:20:12.720
need

0:20:09.600,0:20:13.919
college-aged youth view it more as it

0:20:12.720,0:20:16.320
means to maintain

0:20:13.919,0:20:17.200
social relationships now that’s an

0:20:16.320,0:20:20.240
interesting

0:20:17.200,0:20:23.280
uh contrast that they show there where

0:20:20.240,0:20:26.320
forgiveness itself in in this

0:20:23.280,0:20:26.960
younger group is more of a tool and that

0:20:26.320,0:20:30.159
tool

0:20:26.960,0:20:32.080
is used differently you know you can use

0:20:30.159,0:20:34.240
one side of a hammer to put a nail in or

0:20:32.080,0:20:36.000
use the other side to pull a nail out

0:20:34.240,0:20:37.840
and depending on your age people are

0:20:36.000,0:20:40.480
using forgiveness

0:20:37.840,0:20:42.480
for different purposes now let’s think

0:20:40.480,0:20:43.200
back to a situation where someone has

0:20:42.480,0:20:46.240
wronged

0:20:43.200,0:20:48.320
you and

0:20:46.240,0:20:51.840
you forgave them can you think of any

0:20:48.320,0:20:51.840
specific examples of that

0:20:53.039,0:20:55.360
um

0:20:57.280,0:21:02.240
i guess maybe this one time um

0:21:00.320,0:21:03.520
i remember this one girl who was who i

0:21:02.240,0:21:06.640
was playing with

0:21:03.520,0:21:09.360
um i don’t know what she was doing um

0:21:06.640,0:21:09.760
basically like she wanted me to look

0:21:09.360,0:21:12.480
away

0:21:09.760,0:21:14.159
like i had toys out and basically she

0:21:12.480,0:21:16.799
wanted me to look

0:21:14.159,0:21:17.520
look away from them where she was

0:21:16.799,0:21:19.600
planning on

0:21:17.520,0:21:20.880
taking them but i ended up seeing it out

0:21:19.600,0:21:23.919
of the corner of my eye

0:21:20.880,0:21:26.000
um and we ended up having to

0:21:23.919,0:21:27.120
tell the teacher about it and i ended up

0:21:26.000,0:21:29.440
forgiving her for

0:21:27.120,0:21:31.120
doing so and how did she react to you

0:21:29.440,0:21:33.520
forgiving her

0:21:31.120,0:21:33.520
um

0:21:34.240,0:21:41.280
i’d say she um react

0:21:37.919,0:21:42.799
she thanked me for it um now did she

0:21:41.280,0:21:44.400
actually acknowledge that she had done

0:21:42.799,0:21:48.240
something wrong to you

0:21:44.400,0:21:50.640
um actually i think it was only

0:21:48.240,0:21:52.559
when the teacher got involved because

0:21:50.640,0:21:56.159
when i first said that she was trying

0:21:52.559,0:21:57.039
to take my well i think she did take my

0:21:56.159,0:21:58.480
toys

0:21:57.039,0:22:00.400
but i had seen it out the corner of my

0:21:58.480,0:22:02.960
eye and i like

0:22:00.400,0:22:03.440
sort of i sort of like called her out

0:22:02.960,0:22:05.520
for it

0:22:03.440,0:22:07.520
and she denied it and until i got the

0:22:05.520,0:22:07.840
teacher involved she didn’t really admit

0:22:07.520,0:22:09.120
it

0:22:07.840,0:22:11.120
so it wasn’t until there was a

0:22:09.120,0:22:14.159
consequence attached to it that

0:22:11.120,0:22:17.520
she felt compelled to apologize

0:22:14.159,0:22:20.159
yeah and despite that compelling her to

0:22:17.520,0:22:21.360
apologize you still forgave her yeah

0:22:20.159,0:22:24.000
well and i think that’s

0:22:21.360,0:22:25.600
a testament to your character there that

0:22:24.000,0:22:26.720
you know you’re still willing to forgive

0:22:25.600,0:22:29.679
her now did you

0:22:26.720,0:22:31.120
continue to play with her after that um

0:22:29.679,0:22:32.480
i think we kind of went our separate

0:22:31.120,0:22:34.159
ways afterwards because

0:22:32.480,0:22:36.000
i really don’t entirely remember what

0:22:34.159,0:22:37.360
what exactly we were doing i don’t think

0:22:36.000,0:22:39.280
i was playing with her

0:22:37.360,0:22:41.600
specifically i think she just came up

0:22:39.280,0:22:42.240
and was trying to do it as a joke or

0:22:41.600,0:22:45.440
something

0:22:42.240,0:22:46.480
i see i really don’t know so the i guess

0:22:45.440,0:22:48.960
the point is

0:22:46.480,0:22:51.200
especially in situations where you have

0:22:48.960,0:22:55.120
different age groups involved

0:22:51.200,0:22:58.559
the social rules i guess

0:22:55.120,0:22:58.980
or the motivating factors of forgiveness

0:22:58.559,0:23:00.320
become

0:22:58.980,0:23:02.799
[Music]

0:23:00.320,0:23:04.400
intertwined they become complicated much

0:23:02.799,0:23:05.360
more complicated than just right or

0:23:04.400,0:23:07.360
wrong

0:23:05.360,0:23:08.559
because certain people are trying to get

0:23:07.360,0:23:12.240
different things

0:23:08.559,0:23:15.039
out of the act of

0:23:12.240,0:23:17.360
forgiving people or apologizing so

0:23:15.039,0:23:19.679
there’s certain motivators there

0:23:17.360,0:23:22.000
it’s important to consider just how much

0:23:19.679,0:23:25.919
of an understanding of forgiveness youth

0:23:22.000,0:23:29.280
have at their age and stage of life

0:23:25.919,0:23:31.280
another consideration is that given the

0:23:29.280,0:23:32.080
media and the technology based culture

0:23:31.280,0:23:34.240
that we live in

0:23:32.080,0:23:36.240
cyber bullying is a looming threat to

0:23:34.240,0:23:39.120
young people as well

0:23:36.240,0:23:40.799
research shows the promotion of

0:23:39.120,0:23:42.640
forgiveness can help to prevent

0:23:40.799,0:23:44.000
cyberbullying

0:23:42.640,0:23:47.600
there was something in the news just

0:23:44.000,0:23:49.279
recently with a celebrity who

0:23:47.600,0:23:52.320
was kind of called on the carpet for

0:23:49.279,0:23:54.240
cyber bullying a couple years ago

0:23:52.320,0:23:56.960
today she had been called on the carpet

0:23:54.240,0:23:57.919
and finally came forward and apologized

0:23:56.960,0:23:59.600
for it

0:23:57.919,0:24:01.600
and he’s you know trying to make amends

0:23:59.600,0:24:03.360
for it now so

0:24:01.600,0:24:05.360
even if that apology and that

0:24:03.360,0:24:08.000
forgiveness is delayed it can still have

0:24:05.360,0:24:10.080
a positive impact

0:24:08.000,0:24:11.760
they say this is a huge opportunity for

0:24:10.080,0:24:14.000
those in content development and

0:24:11.760,0:24:17.039
creation so kind of a message

0:24:14.000,0:24:18.559
to to people like us you know people who

0:24:17.039,0:24:20.000
generate content and put it out on the

0:24:18.559,0:24:22.640
internet to

0:24:20.000,0:24:24.000
to send the right message to kids and to

0:24:22.640,0:24:26.080
teens

0:24:24.000,0:24:28.000
the very virtual landscape in which

0:24:26.080,0:24:29.760
cyber bullying happens could potentially

0:24:28.000,0:24:31.440
prevent it

0:24:29.760,0:24:32.960
could provincially prevent it through

0:24:31.440,0:24:35.520
stressing its importance and

0:24:32.960,0:24:37.360
educating on how to achieve it

0:24:35.520,0:24:39.840
ultimately helping youth

0:24:37.360,0:24:41.440
to overcome wrongdoings by letting go

0:24:39.840,0:24:44.159
and practicing

0:24:41.440,0:24:45.840
forgiveness and you can you can kind of

0:24:44.159,0:24:48.400
make that

0:24:45.840,0:24:49.840
they they describe it as exciting here i

0:24:48.400,0:24:53.200
would rather refer to it as

0:24:49.840,0:24:53.840
as rewarding like you think back to the

0:24:53.200,0:24:55.440
time when

0:24:53.840,0:24:56.960
when you and your friend had got into an

0:24:55.440,0:24:59.919
argument

0:24:56.960,0:25:01.200
and you went a week without forgiving

0:24:59.919,0:25:04.320
her

0:25:01.200,0:25:04.799
how did you feel after you forgave her

0:25:04.320,0:25:06.320
did you

0:25:04.799,0:25:07.760
how did you feel about yourself not

0:25:06.320,0:25:09.520
necessarily the incident but how did you

0:25:07.760,0:25:10.159
feel about yourself after you forgave

0:25:09.520,0:25:13.440
her

0:25:10.159,0:25:16.240
i felt a lot better i was a lot i

0:25:13.440,0:25:16.720
definitely it was definitely a turning

0:25:16.240,0:25:20.080
point

0:25:16.720,0:25:22.320
um i felt very happy that i

0:25:20.080,0:25:23.919
that we ended up making amends and that

0:25:22.320,0:25:25.840
i ended up forgiving her

0:25:23.919,0:25:27.200
yeah and and i think the important thing

0:25:25.840,0:25:30.480
that the real

0:25:27.200,0:25:32.320
significant takeaway is

0:25:30.480,0:25:33.679
when you can put yourself in someone

0:25:32.320,0:25:36.320
else’s shoes

0:25:33.679,0:25:37.679
look at it from their perspective kind

0:25:36.320,0:25:39.679
of try to figure out

0:25:37.679,0:25:42.000
why they said something or why they did

0:25:39.679,0:25:44.159
something the way they did

0:25:42.000,0:25:46.559
and you’ll see a lot of times you know

0:25:44.159,0:25:50.480
someone may say something mean to you

0:25:46.559,0:25:51.279
or rude to you and it has nothing to do

0:25:50.480,0:25:52.880
with you

0:25:51.279,0:25:54.159
they could have had a bad day they could

0:25:52.880,0:25:55.840
have gotten yelled at they could have

0:25:54.159,0:25:57.600
gotten in trouble they could have had a

0:25:55.840,0:25:59.120
bad night’s sleep it could be any number

0:25:57.600,0:26:00.960
of things

0:25:59.120,0:26:02.159
and we all go through those things

0:26:00.960,0:26:03.600
ourselves

0:26:02.159,0:26:05.679
you know there are nights that you don’t

0:26:03.600,0:26:06.799
sleep well there are nights that maybe

0:26:05.679,0:26:09.760
you didn’t do well

0:26:06.799,0:26:11.760
on a test or you may be stressing about

0:26:09.760,0:26:14.240
taking a test and that influences how

0:26:11.760,0:26:17.440
you deal with people

0:26:14.240,0:26:19.279
so being able to empathize and

0:26:17.440,0:26:20.159
understand the other person’s point of

0:26:19.279,0:26:22.480
view

0:26:20.159,0:26:25.600
goes a long way in helping to achieve

0:26:22.480,0:26:29.120
forgiveness and once you can forgive

0:26:25.600,0:26:31.120
it’s emotionally liberating for you

0:26:29.120,0:26:34.240
and it’s it’s kind of cleansing you know

0:26:31.120,0:26:36.000
it’s you feel better about yourself

0:26:34.240,0:26:39.600
that you’re not carrying that negative

0:26:36.000,0:26:41.200
feeling around with you anymore yeah

0:26:39.600,0:26:43.360
because you know anytime you carry

0:26:41.200,0:26:43.840
negative feelings it it can weigh you

0:26:43.360,0:26:47.279
down

0:26:43.840,0:26:49.440
you know definitely so

0:26:47.279,0:26:51.120
we’re going to take our second break and

0:26:49.440,0:26:53.039
then we’re going to come back

0:26:51.120,0:26:55.850
and talk about the actual health

0:26:53.039,0:27:04.080
benefits of forgiveness

0:26:55.850,0:27:06.480
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0:28:05.760,0:28:10.880
welcome back to insights into teens

0:28:07.840,0:28:12.480
today we are talking about forgiveness

0:28:10.880,0:28:15.600
and right now we’re going to be talking

0:28:12.480,0:28:17.200
about the health benefits of forgiveness

0:28:15.600,0:28:19.520
researchers have identified that

0:28:17.200,0:28:20.559
forgiveness is associated with several

0:28:19.520,0:28:22.399
benefits

0:28:20.559,0:28:24.640
including better physical and mental

0:28:22.399,0:28:27.279
health examples are low

0:28:24.640,0:28:28.399
blood pressure and psychological

0:28:27.279,0:28:31.679
well-being

0:28:28.399,0:28:34.799
reduced anger and maintainness with

0:28:31.679,0:28:36.880
of close relationships

0:28:34.799,0:28:39.120
on the other hand holding grudges and

0:28:36.880,0:28:41.039
seeking revenge is associated with

0:28:39.120,0:28:42.080
several health concerns including

0:28:41.039,0:28:44.720
depression

0:28:42.080,0:28:45.919
anxiety poor physical health and lower

0:28:44.720,0:28:49.120
self-esteem

0:28:45.919,0:28:51.600
the benefits of forgiveness are not only

0:28:49.120,0:28:54.480
have not only been found in adults but

0:28:51.600,0:28:56.399
also in children and adolescents as well

0:28:54.480,0:28:58.159
the ability to forgive someone is an

0:28:56.399,0:28:59.919
essential component to maintaining

0:28:58.159,0:29:02.480
relationships with others and is

0:28:59.919,0:29:04.559
especially important during development

0:29:02.480,0:29:06.320
here relationships are crucial for

0:29:04.559,0:29:09.520
children’s social emotional

0:29:06.320,0:29:11.600
physical and psychological well-being

0:29:09.520,0:29:13.120
but as we all know from experience

0:29:11.600,0:29:15.600
relationships are not always

0:29:13.120,0:29:16.880
easy to manage especially in the face of

0:29:15.600,0:29:19.840
conflict

0:29:16.880,0:29:20.880
so there are actually real documented

0:29:19.840,0:29:24.000
benefits

0:29:20.880,0:29:25.760
to your health to forgiveness

0:29:24.000,0:29:27.600
you know we talked kind of talked about

0:29:25.760,0:29:28.960
the emotional baggage side of things and

0:29:27.600,0:29:31.600
how

0:29:28.960,0:29:33.600
exhausting that can be but you know it

0:29:31.600,0:29:36.960
affects your blood pressure

0:29:33.600,0:29:40.480
it could affect your heart rate it could

0:29:36.960,0:29:43.440
affect your sleep cycle

0:29:40.480,0:29:45.440
it could affect you from a self-esteem

0:29:43.440,0:29:49.520
standpoint where

0:29:45.440,0:29:51.440
if you fail to forgive someone

0:29:49.520,0:29:52.880
you may look at yourself differently

0:29:51.440,0:29:55.679
after that

0:29:52.880,0:29:56.159
and a lot of times this sort of happens

0:29:55.679,0:29:59.440
in

0:29:56.159,0:30:00.880
situations where you may have an

0:29:59.440,0:30:02.480
argument with someone who might be

0:30:00.880,0:30:05.200
moving away

0:30:02.480,0:30:06.559
and you don’t patch that up before they

0:30:05.200,0:30:08.159
move away and then you don’t have an

0:30:06.559,0:30:09.760
opportunity or

0:30:08.159,0:30:11.600
gods are big you have an argument with

0:30:09.760,0:30:13.200
someone and they pass away

0:30:11.600,0:30:16.000
and you never have an opportunity to

0:30:13.200,0:30:17.840
make that up to them before they do

0:30:16.000,0:30:19.520
there was a documentary i was watching

0:30:17.840,0:30:22.640
the other night

0:30:19.520,0:30:24.080
about this famous celebrity and the

0:30:22.640,0:30:26.720
celebrity’s

0:30:24.080,0:30:28.159
friend had to take them to the airport

0:30:26.720,0:30:30.159
they were traveling they’d

0:30:28.159,0:30:31.840
travel overseas because they had a death

0:30:30.159,0:30:34.000
in the family

0:30:31.840,0:30:35.679
and the celebrities health wasn’t very

0:30:34.000,0:30:37.919
well you know everyone kind of knew that

0:30:35.679,0:30:40.480
he wasn’t doing so well

0:30:37.919,0:30:41.200
but the the friend who drove him to the

0:30:40.480,0:30:44.240
airport

0:30:41.200,0:30:46.559
they had an argument and

0:30:44.240,0:30:47.840
the celebrity had invited them to to

0:30:46.559,0:30:50.000
walk with them in the airport so they

0:30:47.840,0:30:51.919
could talk it over and they were

0:30:50.000,0:30:53.360
they weren’t ready to to talk it over

0:30:51.919,0:30:54.960
because they were still angry so they

0:30:53.360,0:30:57.200
declined that

0:30:54.960,0:30:58.240
and the celebrity flew overseas for the

0:30:57.200,0:31:00.640
funeral for the

0:30:58.240,0:31:02.000
family member and they passed away while

0:31:00.640,0:31:05.039
they were over there

0:31:02.000,0:31:07.519
and this friend of the celebrities

0:31:05.039,0:31:09.519
had to carry that with them and and it

0:31:07.519,0:31:11.919
was an emotional baggage

0:31:09.519,0:31:14.240
that took a toll on their emotional and

0:31:11.919,0:31:17.279
their physical health

0:31:14.240,0:31:19.760
um so it’s important that you

0:31:17.279,0:31:21.039
not let these things fester because an

0:31:19.760,0:31:23.519
emotional wound is

0:31:21.039,0:31:25.600
is no different than a physical wound if

0:31:23.519,0:31:28.880
you don’t take care of it

0:31:25.600,0:31:28.880
it’s going to fester

0:31:29.440,0:31:34.799
and there are health consequences that

0:31:33.120,0:31:37.360
we have to deal with with those you know

0:31:34.799,0:31:38.720
a lot of people i myself i already have

0:31:37.360,0:31:41.840
high blood pressure

0:31:38.720,0:31:44.720
you know just because of my my my

0:31:41.840,0:31:46.559
physical status the last thing i need is

0:31:44.720,0:31:48.799
to carry the emotional baggage and

0:31:46.559,0:31:50.960
aggravate something like that

0:31:48.799,0:31:52.159
and and when you get into a situation

0:31:50.960,0:31:54.799
with

0:31:52.159,0:31:56.960
forgiveness and apologizing a lot of

0:31:54.799,0:31:58.080
times people’s pride and ego went out

0:31:56.960,0:32:00.960
over that

0:31:58.080,0:32:01.600
and they don’t realize the effect that

0:32:00.960,0:32:04.720
it has

0:32:01.600,0:32:06.559
on their health just like laughter

0:32:04.720,0:32:08.320
you know they say laughter is the best

0:32:06.559,0:32:09.919
medicine and there’s clinical studies

0:32:08.320,0:32:12.240
that suggest that

0:32:09.919,0:32:14.880
you know if you are happy-go-lucky and

0:32:12.240,0:32:18.240
and you laugh a lot you joke a lot

0:32:14.880,0:32:20.880
you physically are better uh so

0:32:18.240,0:32:22.399
people don’t really appreciate the

0:32:20.880,0:32:25.679
physical impact that

0:32:22.399,0:32:28.080
that the brain the mental

0:32:25.679,0:32:29.039
emotional side of things has on things

0:32:28.080,0:32:31.039
yeah

0:32:29.039,0:32:32.640
so let’s talk a little bit about how we

0:32:31.039,0:32:35.120
can teach

0:32:32.640,0:32:36.960
our children about the virtues of

0:32:35.120,0:32:39.440
forgiveness

0:32:36.960,0:32:41.519
so one very important way is through

0:32:39.440,0:32:43.840
parenting

0:32:41.519,0:32:45.360
which you know mommy and i try to do

0:32:43.840,0:32:46.480
which is really what motivated this

0:32:45.360,0:32:50.000
podcast too

0:32:46.480,0:32:53.039
yeah as research research has

0:32:50.000,0:32:55.440
consistently shown children often

0:32:53.039,0:32:57.760
imitate their parents behaviors making

0:32:55.440,0:32:59.519
parents a direct model of behavior for

0:32:57.760,0:33:01.679
their children

0:32:59.519,0:33:04.159
one study in particular demonstrated how

0:33:01.679,0:33:06.080
parents forgiving tendencies

0:33:04.159,0:33:07.760
were associated with their child’s

0:33:06.080,0:33:10.320
forgiving tendencies

0:33:07.760,0:33:11.360
and the results were maintained up to

0:33:10.320,0:33:13.360
one year later

0:33:11.360,0:33:14.640
so that’s a pretty significant impact

0:33:13.360,0:33:17.600
over

0:33:14.640,0:33:18.240
little things like that yeah outside of

0:33:17.600,0:33:20.399
modeling

0:33:18.240,0:33:22.640
for giving behavior parents can also

0:33:20.399,0:33:23.760
explicitly teach their children about

0:33:22.640,0:33:26.480
forgiveness

0:33:23.760,0:33:26.799
and how they should respond when faced

0:33:26.480,0:33:29.919
with

0:33:26.799,0:33:31.519
conflict or when someone has hurt them

0:33:29.919,0:33:33.360
so this is this is sort of the

0:33:31.519,0:33:36.080
philosophy that mommy and daddy have had

0:33:33.360,0:33:39.120
and it’s it’s sort of always been to set

0:33:36.080,0:33:40.480
the example of how we would like you to

0:33:39.120,0:33:43.519
be

0:33:40.480,0:33:46.640
do you find that to be helpful

0:33:43.519,0:33:48.880
in guiding your actions i mean yeah i’ve

0:33:46.640,0:33:49.679
definitely always been a very forgiving

0:33:48.880,0:33:51.840
person

0:33:49.679,0:33:53.279
um it was definitely a bit of a struggle

0:33:51.840,0:33:54.159
when i started going through the

0:33:53.279,0:33:56.480
emotional

0:33:54.159,0:33:57.519
problems but eventually when i got that

0:33:56.480,0:33:59.919
figured out

0:33:57.519,0:34:00.720
it was a lot easier to end up forgiving

0:33:59.919,0:34:04.159
people

0:34:00.720,0:34:07.200
um and i definitely think a lot of that

0:34:04.159,0:34:08.639
had to do with you guys being the

0:34:07.200,0:34:12.000
influence on me

0:34:08.639,0:34:13.440
and how do you think your forgiving

0:34:12.000,0:34:15.440
tendencies

0:34:13.440,0:34:16.480
or do you think your forgiving

0:34:15.440,0:34:18.720
tendencies

0:34:16.480,0:34:20.000
have had an influence over your friends

0:34:18.720,0:34:23.839
that you’ve shared those

0:34:20.000,0:34:27.440
tendencies with um

0:34:23.839,0:34:30.000
i think that um they also have received

0:34:27.440,0:34:32.800
the positive feedback because

0:34:30.000,0:34:34.720
um i’m normally the one who ha who

0:34:32.800,0:34:38.000
whenever we get into fights i’m normally

0:34:34.720,0:34:40.159
the one who ends up apologizing because

0:34:38.000,0:34:41.679
i normally was the one who started the

0:34:40.159,0:34:44.159
fights um

0:34:41.679,0:34:44.720
and um my one friend lindsay after the

0:34:44.159,0:34:47.919
one

0:34:44.720,0:34:50.560
week where we didn’t um

0:34:47.919,0:34:51.520
we didn’t talk with each other after the

0:34:50.560,0:34:53.599
fight

0:34:51.520,0:34:55.200
she felt incredibly rel she told me she

0:34:53.599,0:34:56.240
felt incredibly relieved that we were

0:34:55.200,0:34:58.400
back to being

0:34:56.240,0:34:59.920
um really good friends and that we could

0:34:58.400,0:35:01.520
you know hang out again

0:34:59.920,0:35:03.520
yeah yeah i could definitely see how

0:35:01.520,0:35:06.720
therapeutic that is

0:35:03.520,0:35:07.359
let me ask you do you think that mommy

0:35:06.720,0:35:11.520
and daddy

0:35:07.359,0:35:13.839
fight a lot no

0:35:11.520,0:35:14.560
not to the point where it’s where i

0:35:13.839,0:35:16.640
think i

0:35:14.560,0:35:18.640
where i’m where i get afraid to the

0:35:16.640,0:35:21.920
point where you might divorce

0:35:18.640,0:35:25.200
um you do definitely have arguments

0:35:21.920,0:35:27.440
i notice them and hear them but

0:35:25.200,0:35:28.720
it’s always in somewhat of a playful way

0:35:27.440,0:35:31.839
and even if you guys

0:35:28.720,0:35:34.960
are upset normally you guys make up

0:35:31.839,0:35:36.640
make it up afterwards so do you think we

0:35:34.960,0:35:38.720
set a decent example for you when it

0:35:36.640,0:35:39.440
comes to relationship management like

0:35:38.720,0:35:43.280
that

0:35:39.440,0:35:46.400
probably yeah okay that’s good

0:35:43.280,0:35:47.760
there’s one instance that i you know i

0:35:46.400,0:35:49.520
i don’t know if i’ve shared with you i

0:35:47.760,0:35:52.240
know i’ve shared with mommy

0:35:49.520,0:35:54.240
um my one brother and i had gotten into

0:35:52.240,0:35:57.520
an argument

0:35:54.240,0:35:58.720
quite some time ago this is a very long

0:35:57.520,0:36:01.920
time ago

0:35:58.720,0:36:04.640
he was supposed to be in my wedding and

0:36:01.920,0:36:06.800
uh he had a f his wife had a friend of

0:36:04.640,0:36:09.839
his who was getting married

0:36:06.800,0:36:11.200
so our mom happened to be at some i

0:36:09.839,0:36:13.440
don’t know if it’s a baby shower or

0:36:11.200,0:36:15.440
something like that for his wife

0:36:13.440,0:36:16.880
and she’d said something or did

0:36:15.440,0:36:19.920
something

0:36:16.880,0:36:23.040
that made his wife angry

0:36:19.920,0:36:24.079
and as a result he pulled out of my

0:36:23.040,0:36:26.000
wedding

0:36:24.079,0:36:27.440
and we had already gotten the tuxedos we

0:36:26.000,0:36:28.800
had already you know everything was

0:36:27.440,0:36:29.599
booked and everything was set so it was

0:36:28.800,0:36:33.440
going to cost

0:36:29.599,0:36:36.960
quite a bit of money and um

0:36:33.440,0:36:39.599
he pulled out under the premise that

0:36:36.960,0:36:40.160
he had to go to his wife’s friend’s

0:36:39.599,0:36:43.520
wedding

0:36:40.160,0:36:46.640
that was happening at the same day and

0:36:43.520,0:36:48.400
that you know it hurt and

0:36:46.640,0:36:49.680
and i was kind of offended by it but it

0:36:48.400,0:36:50.560
was one of those things where i kind of

0:36:49.680,0:36:54.240
got over it and

0:36:50.560,0:36:57.760
you know was willing to forgive him

0:36:54.240,0:37:00.480
so it turns out later on uh apparently i

0:36:57.760,0:37:03.440
had done something or said something to

0:37:00.480,0:37:04.880
my other brother i have three brothers

0:37:03.440,0:37:07.280
had three brothers

0:37:04.880,0:37:09.440
i had said something to my other brother

0:37:07.280,0:37:11.119
that offended the brother who pulled out

0:37:09.440,0:37:14.560
of my wedding

0:37:11.119,0:37:16.320
so all the while i thought he and i

0:37:14.560,0:37:17.599
weren’t talking because of what he did

0:37:16.320,0:37:19.680
to me

0:37:17.599,0:37:21.359
and he was mad at me because of

0:37:19.680,0:37:22.240
something that i didn’t even realize

0:37:21.359,0:37:24.880
that i did to

0:37:22.240,0:37:26.000
my other brother so i pulled him aside

0:37:24.880,0:37:29.280
one day when he was over

0:37:26.000,0:37:30.240
my mom’s house for a birthday party or

0:37:29.280,0:37:32.160
something and

0:37:30.240,0:37:34.400
i pulled him outside and i said look you

0:37:32.160,0:37:37.599
know we’ve we’ve not talked

0:37:34.400,0:37:40.640
long enough i i said you know

0:37:37.599,0:37:41.839
let’s just let’s put bygones to the side

0:37:40.640,0:37:44.560
here and let’s

0:37:41.839,0:37:45.200
get over this i’m not angry at what you

0:37:44.560,0:37:48.560
did

0:37:45.200,0:37:49.040
at my wedding anymore and he looked at

0:37:48.560,0:37:51.680
me

0:37:49.040,0:37:52.320
as if i had like three eyes or something

0:37:51.680,0:37:55.440
like that

0:37:52.320,0:37:58.640
like i had no clue why we were

0:37:55.440,0:38:00.640
arguing because he was angry at me for a

0:37:58.640,0:38:02.800
completely different reason and he flat

0:38:00.640,0:38:05.839
out refused to even listen to

0:38:02.800,0:38:09.200
any explanation that i have

0:38:05.839,0:38:11.520
so when he left it was it was

0:38:09.200,0:38:13.200
like an episode of the twilight zone

0:38:11.520,0:38:15.920
when he left

0:38:13.200,0:38:17.440
i felt relieved that i had forgiven him

0:38:15.920,0:38:18.160
and i had told him that i had forgiven

0:38:17.440,0:38:20.240
him

0:38:18.160,0:38:21.280
i felt very confused that he was angry

0:38:20.240,0:38:23.520
at me

0:38:21.280,0:38:24.480
and to this day we still don’t talk to

0:38:23.520,0:38:26.960
each other

0:38:24.480,0:38:27.760
because of something that he says that i

0:38:26.960,0:38:31.280
did that

0:38:27.760,0:38:33.520
i’m pretty sure i never did but

0:38:31.280,0:38:35.359
looking back now i can look at it with a

0:38:33.520,0:38:37.040
clear conscience knowing that

0:38:35.359,0:38:38.800
even though he did do something that

0:38:37.040,0:38:42.079
offended me and

0:38:38.800,0:38:44.640
my wife at the time i i was

0:38:42.079,0:38:45.440
you know mature enough that i forgave

0:38:44.640,0:38:47.359
him for that

0:38:45.440,0:38:49.359
even though he obviously didn’t want

0:38:47.359,0:38:51.599
that forgiveness

0:38:49.359,0:38:53.119
and i felt better after that even though

0:38:51.599,0:38:55.359
we still haven’t talked

0:38:53.119,0:38:57.040
so it was a very strange tale of

0:38:55.359,0:38:58.560
forgiveness that i went through with

0:38:57.040,0:39:02.079
that

0:38:58.560,0:39:04.480
but that’s probably the biggest

0:39:02.079,0:39:06.480
experience that i had with that where i

0:39:04.480,0:39:09.280
really felt terrible

0:39:06.480,0:39:10.640
that he and i had gone almost four years

0:39:09.280,0:39:13.200
without ever talking

0:39:10.640,0:39:15.119
after that whole incident happened and i

0:39:13.200,0:39:16.640
felt terrible

0:39:15.119,0:39:19.760
not patching things up even though i

0:39:16.640,0:39:22.560
wasn’t the one that did anything wrong

0:39:19.760,0:39:23.280
i just felt wrong that that we were on

0:39:22.560,0:39:25.760
the odds

0:39:23.280,0:39:26.640
as a result and and i tried to to fix

0:39:25.760,0:39:29.440
that and

0:39:26.640,0:39:30.720
felt relieved afterwards so a lot of

0:39:29.440,0:39:33.920
times forgiveness

0:39:30.720,0:39:37.040
isn’t something that fixes

0:39:33.920,0:39:38.079
a broken relationship but if it’s the

0:39:37.040,0:39:40.320
right thing to do

0:39:38.079,0:39:42.160
you should still do it even though you

0:39:40.320,0:39:43.839
might not get the end result that you’re

0:39:42.160,0:39:44.800
looking for i guess is the moral of the

0:39:43.839,0:39:49.280
story there

0:39:44.800,0:39:53.200
okay um so what else is there that

0:39:49.280,0:39:55.520
that we can help parents understand

0:39:53.200,0:39:57.280
so despite parents best efforts to

0:39:55.520,0:39:58.400
install appropriate values in their

0:39:57.280,0:40:01.119
children

0:39:58.400,0:40:02.240
there are often they are often in

0:40:01.119,0:40:05.359
competition

0:40:02.240,0:40:07.280
with the media in today’s society media

0:40:05.359,0:40:10.400
is a very powerful tool that can

0:40:07.280,0:40:11.440
be that can manipulate the beliefs norms

0:40:10.400,0:40:13.839
perceptions

0:40:11.440,0:40:14.800
values and behaviors of the society at

0:40:13.839,0:40:16.800
large

0:40:14.800,0:40:19.359
if something is accepted by the media it

0:40:16.800,0:40:23.680
is often accepted by society as well

0:40:19.359,0:40:26.560
but if used unappro but if but if used

0:40:23.680,0:40:28.240
appropriately media can be an important

0:40:26.560,0:40:31.200
educational tool

0:40:28.240,0:40:32.960
therefore what children see in the media

0:40:31.200,0:40:34.000
what children see in the media they

0:40:32.960,0:40:36.640
consume

0:40:34.000,0:40:38.000
like youtube television and apps will

0:40:36.640,0:40:40.319
have an enormous impact

0:40:38.000,0:40:41.040
on their development and sometimes even

0:40:40.319,0:40:44.160
more than

0:40:41.040,0:40:45.200
more so than parents in this sense how

0:40:44.160,0:40:47.760
characters

0:40:45.200,0:40:49.119
and stories are represented in the media

0:40:47.760,0:40:51.680
matters a lot

0:40:49.119,0:40:53.200
often times representation of characters

0:40:51.680,0:40:56.079
is talked about in terms of

0:40:53.200,0:40:58.079
gender or race however what we must not

0:40:56.079,0:41:00.079
forget is that the representation is

0:40:58.079,0:41:00.800
that representation can also be about a

0:41:00.079,0:41:03.440
character’s

0:41:00.800,0:41:07.040
internal qualities morals and beliefs

0:41:03.440,0:41:09.520
embodying forgiveness is no exception

0:41:07.040,0:41:11.280
because of the many benefits that that

0:41:09.520,0:41:13.680
accompany the act of forgiving

0:41:11.280,0:41:15.440
and being forgiven it is critical that

0:41:13.680,0:41:16.480
we create characters in the media who

0:41:15.440,0:41:19.280
display the

0:41:16.480,0:41:20.079
virtue of forgiveness and can therefore

0:41:19.280,0:41:22.560
teach children

0:41:20.079,0:41:24.240
and adolescents how to exercise this in

0:41:22.560,0:41:26.160
their own lives

0:41:24.240,0:41:28.560
so i guess really what they’re getting

0:41:26.160,0:41:30.880
at here is this is what we consume in

0:41:28.560,0:41:33.680
the media today

0:41:30.880,0:41:34.000
has an influence over youth and media

0:41:33.680,0:41:36.160
always

0:41:34.000,0:41:37.440
has i mean going back to the early days

0:41:36.160,0:41:38.640
of radio

0:41:37.440,0:41:40.079
you know you had parents that didn’t

0:41:38.640,0:41:41.760
want their kids listening to rock and

0:41:40.079,0:41:43.280
roll because of the influence it had

0:41:41.760,0:41:46.319
over them right

0:41:43.280,0:41:47.760
so influence of media on kids is not

0:41:46.319,0:41:50.200
something new

0:41:47.760,0:41:52.000
i think today though because of the

0:41:50.200,0:41:54.800
overexposure of media

0:41:52.000,0:41:55.839
and the fact that it’s so in your face

0:41:54.800,0:41:58.079
and there’s so many

0:41:55.839,0:41:59.040
different sources for it now you know

0:41:58.079,0:42:01.359
anybody

0:41:59.040,0:42:03.440
you know can make a podcast you know

0:42:01.359,0:42:04.400
anybody can make youtube videos or tick

0:42:03.440,0:42:08.560
tock or

0:42:04.400,0:42:11.680
whatever and these mediums aren’t

0:42:08.560,0:42:15.440
really regulated like you know

0:42:11.680,0:42:18.560
up until the 1990s

0:42:15.440,0:42:21.040
all through my youth your media was

0:42:18.560,0:42:23.280
movies television and radio

0:42:21.040,0:42:24.640
well all three of those had some kind of

0:42:23.280,0:42:27.520
governing body

0:42:24.640,0:42:29.280
that dictated what they could show or

0:42:27.520,0:42:31.040
say or do

0:42:29.280,0:42:33.200
so your depictions had a lot more

0:42:31.040,0:42:36.400
control over them wouldn’t you agree

0:42:33.200,0:42:38.160
yep definitely and nowadays anybody can

0:42:36.400,0:42:41.119
produce just about anything they want

0:42:38.160,0:42:44.400
and put it out there for kids to consume

0:42:41.119,0:42:47.200
so it’s very difficult for parents

0:42:44.400,0:42:48.560
to regulate what their kids are exposed

0:42:47.200,0:42:51.680
to

0:42:48.560,0:42:53.599
and it’s very easy for kids to be

0:42:51.680,0:42:56.079
influenced by those things so you kind

0:42:53.599,0:42:59.280
of have to be careful

0:42:56.079,0:43:02.079
what they’re consuming yeah um

0:42:59.280,0:43:03.440
i do want to point out something um that

0:43:02.079,0:43:05.839
i’ve noticed

0:43:03.440,0:43:07.440
uh various forms of the media haven’t

0:43:05.839,0:43:09.359
entirely

0:43:07.440,0:43:11.200
i don’t feel put the right message out

0:43:09.359,0:43:14.400
for kids about

0:43:11.200,0:43:16.960
the subject of forgiving um

0:43:14.400,0:43:17.680
of course it’s like i know there is the

0:43:16.960,0:43:19.839
whole

0:43:17.680,0:43:20.800
sorry that doesn’t always work thing

0:43:19.839,0:43:24.000
which

0:43:20.800,0:43:25.200
um is a good message but i’ve also seen

0:43:24.000,0:43:28.640
things where

0:43:25.200,0:43:31.680
like it’s good for a character to get

0:43:28.640,0:43:33.440
revenge on somebody where

0:43:31.680,0:43:36.319
i’ve learned that that’s really not a

0:43:33.440,0:43:39.680
good message to be putting out to kids

0:43:36.319,0:43:40.400
and it’s still kind of a popular message

0:43:39.680,0:43:43.440
that i feel

0:43:40.400,0:43:45.200
kind of needs to die down and we need to

0:43:43.440,0:43:48.800
you know talk about forgiveness

0:43:45.200,0:43:51.359
in a different light um i just feel like

0:43:48.800,0:43:53.200
revenge is just something that kids

0:43:51.359,0:43:57.119
shouldn’t really

0:43:53.200,0:43:58.880
do because well it’s really not going to

0:43:57.119,0:44:02.079
help anything

0:43:58.880,0:44:05.280
absolutely the the whole concept of

0:44:02.079,0:44:08.400
getting even never gets

0:44:05.280,0:44:10.079
anybody even yeah you know somebody

0:44:08.400,0:44:11.680
always suffers when it comes to that

0:44:10.079,0:44:14.400
kind of mentality

0:44:11.680,0:44:14.720
and a lot of times it’s the person who

0:44:14.400,0:44:17.119
was

0:44:14.720,0:44:18.319
wronged in the first place who thinks

0:44:17.119,0:44:21.359
they need to get even

0:44:18.319,0:44:23.440
and they do something in retaliation

0:44:21.359,0:44:25.359
and the result of that is hurting

0:44:23.440,0:44:28.560
themselves again

0:44:25.359,0:44:31.359
you know it may be morally hurting you

0:44:28.560,0:44:33.040
it may be ethically hurting you you may

0:44:31.359,0:44:34.319
be doing something that gets you in

0:44:33.040,0:44:37.680
trouble

0:44:34.319,0:44:38.319
so again that that kind of speaks to

0:44:37.680,0:44:41.839
that

0:44:38.319,0:44:44.880
impulse control that kids don’t have

0:44:41.839,0:44:48.720
until you develop in that you know

0:44:44.880,0:44:52.160
physically in your brain in your mid-20s

0:44:48.720,0:44:53.200
so it’s difficult to get kids to have

0:44:52.160,0:44:55.359
that

0:44:53.200,0:44:56.720
that long game approach where you’re

0:44:55.359,0:44:59.520
looking further ahead and

0:44:56.720,0:45:00.160
understanding what your consequences are

0:44:59.520,0:45:02.000
um

0:45:00.160,0:45:03.280
but a lot of times it’s a matter of

0:45:02.000,0:45:06.079
role-playing right

0:45:03.280,0:45:07.680
so we role-play we play d and d and we

0:45:06.079,0:45:09.119
take our characters and we take them in

0:45:07.680,0:45:12.319
different directions

0:45:09.119,0:45:14.720
but when we make choices as those

0:45:12.319,0:45:17.119
characters there’s consequences

0:45:14.720,0:45:19.200
and we have to deal with them you know

0:45:17.119,0:45:21.440
if you get into a fight

0:45:19.200,0:45:22.960
and you can’t win that fight it might

0:45:21.440,0:45:25.839
cost your character something

0:45:22.960,0:45:28.400
yeah you can role-play in real life too

0:45:25.839,0:45:30.960
if someone wrongs you

0:45:28.400,0:45:33.040
and you decide you your first impulse is

0:45:30.960,0:45:35.040
to get back at them and get even

0:45:33.040,0:45:36.720
to take a minute to kind of play out

0:45:35.040,0:45:38.880
that scenario in your head

0:45:36.720,0:45:41.280
do a little bit of a thought experiment

0:45:38.880,0:45:42.880
and think okay so

0:45:41.280,0:45:45.040
johnny bumped me in the hallway and made

0:45:42.880,0:45:45.839
me knock my books over so i’m gonna trip

0:45:45.040,0:45:48.880
him in the hallway

0:45:45.839,0:45:52.319
next time okay well if i do that

0:45:48.880,0:45:54.720
and i escalate that that violence

0:45:52.319,0:45:56.640
well maybe his friends are gonna beat me

0:45:54.720,0:45:58.240
up at that point or maybe

0:45:56.640,0:46:00.240
the teachers are gonna see me and get

0:45:58.240,0:46:02.319
i’m gonna get in trouble like what

0:46:00.240,0:46:05.200
good can possibly come of that other

0:46:02.319,0:46:07.760
than maybe a little bit of satisfaction

0:46:05.200,0:46:08.800
that you’re getting back at them yeah

0:46:07.760,0:46:10.720
and

0:46:08.800,0:46:12.720
look at it long game like okay so i got

0:46:10.720,0:46:16.560
that satisfaction now what

0:46:12.720,0:46:18.720
well now i’m as bad as he is yeah so

0:46:16.560,0:46:20.240
take a moment to kind of play through

0:46:18.720,0:46:22.319
those scenarios and see

0:46:20.240,0:46:23.520
what you’re getting where wouldn’t it be

0:46:22.319,0:46:25.839
easier to just

0:46:23.520,0:46:26.800
walk away or or go over to him say you

0:46:25.839,0:46:28.400
know

0:46:26.800,0:46:30.560
what’s wrong did i do something that i

0:46:28.400,0:46:32.640
offend you did i make you upset

0:46:30.560,0:46:34.800
what is it that that made you do that to

0:46:32.640,0:46:36.000
me because a lot of times what you’ll

0:46:34.800,0:46:37.839
find

0:46:36.000,0:46:39.680
is the bully especially in a situation

0:46:37.839,0:46:42.319
like that where it’s a bully

0:46:39.680,0:46:43.760
they’re looking for confrontation

0:46:42.319,0:46:45.040
because they’re compensating for

0:46:43.760,0:46:47.119
something else

0:46:45.040,0:46:48.480
and when you call them out on that the

0:46:47.119,0:46:51.920
vulnerability that they

0:46:48.480,0:46:54.800
feel kind of exposes them

0:46:51.920,0:46:56.640
in a very uncomfortable way and they

0:46:54.800,0:46:58.079
won’t do it anymore after that

0:46:56.640,0:47:00.160
a lot of times people tell you well if a

0:46:58.079,0:47:01.760
bully hit you hit him back

0:47:00.160,0:47:03.359
well no then he’s just going to hit you

0:47:01.760,0:47:05.280
back harder yeah

0:47:03.359,0:47:07.119
but if you ask the boy why did you hit

0:47:05.280,0:47:09.040
me did you have a bad day

0:47:07.119,0:47:10.319
did your parents yell at you you know

0:47:09.040,0:47:12.800
did you did your dog

0:47:10.319,0:47:14.079
like bite you or something if you can

0:47:12.800,0:47:17.040
expose them

0:47:14.079,0:47:19.280
and and the fragility of their psyche

0:47:17.040,0:47:21.280
that causes them to do that

0:47:19.280,0:47:22.800
to try to get back at someone else or

0:47:21.280,0:47:25.839
something else

0:47:22.800,0:47:27.760
you’ll find that it tends to break down

0:47:25.839,0:47:30.400
that outward appearance they have and

0:47:27.760,0:47:32.000
they won’t bother you anymore because

0:47:30.400,0:47:34.400
they don’t want to have that

0:47:32.000,0:47:36.160
vulnerability of theirs exposed

0:47:34.400,0:47:38.400
yeah and that’s the one thing that

0:47:36.160,0:47:40.240
happened with like a fight i’m assuming

0:47:38.400,0:47:42.640
happened at my one school

0:47:40.240,0:47:44.880
there was this one kid who i think

0:47:42.640,0:47:47.200
tripped one of the other kids

0:47:44.880,0:47:48.960
and instead the one kid being like why’d

0:47:47.200,0:47:51.040
you do that

0:47:48.960,0:47:52.079
they basically fought back and it broke

0:47:51.040,0:47:54.000
out into a large

0:47:52.079,0:47:55.839
fight that the whole school had pretty

0:47:54.000,0:47:58.880
much kind of had to

0:47:55.839,0:48:00.480
take consequences for yeah and i had i

0:47:58.880,0:48:03.040
had a kid like that

0:48:00.480,0:48:05.040
we were in gym class you know my junior

0:48:03.040,0:48:07.200
senior year in high school

0:48:05.040,0:48:09.040
and the kid just hauled off and hit me

0:48:07.200,0:48:11.520
for some reason

0:48:09.040,0:48:13.680
and he was expecting me to sort of jump

0:48:11.520,0:48:15.920
in and go after him

0:48:13.680,0:48:18.079
and i walked up to him like like

0:48:15.920,0:48:20.000
confused like why would you do that what

0:48:18.079,0:48:23.440
what’s wrong with you like

0:48:20.000,0:48:26.240
and i did it in a way that expressed

0:48:23.440,0:48:27.920
my concern for him like is there

0:48:26.240,0:48:30.480
something wrong is something bothering

0:48:27.920,0:48:34.079
you did somebody do something to you

0:48:30.480,0:48:37.200
and he was so taken aback by that

0:48:34.079,0:48:38.800
that he just walked away at that point

0:48:37.200,0:48:40.079
because everyone was watching us at this

0:48:38.800,0:48:41.599
point because they were expecting a

0:48:40.079,0:48:44.480
fight to break out

0:48:41.599,0:48:45.599
and he came to me later after lunch that

0:48:44.480,0:48:48.400
day

0:48:45.599,0:48:48.880
and he’s like and he apologized and he’s

0:48:48.400,0:48:51.760
like

0:48:48.880,0:48:53.440
you know i’m sorry you know i had just

0:48:51.760,0:48:55.040
like it was something with his mom or

0:48:53.440,0:48:56.640
his stepdad i think it was like his

0:48:55.040,0:48:57.920
stepdad did something or yelled at him

0:48:56.640,0:49:00.880
or something that morning and

0:48:57.920,0:49:01.440
he was just riled up from that but he

0:49:00.880,0:49:05.119
was so

0:49:01.440,0:49:05.920
shocked that somebody would care about

0:49:05.119,0:49:08.480
him

0:49:05.920,0:49:10.640
and want to know what happened to him

0:49:08.480,0:49:13.760
and he and i became really good friends

0:49:10.640,0:49:14.240
after that and and he was always kind of

0:49:13.760,0:49:16.720
that

0:49:14.240,0:49:19.359
loose cannon bully type and he was a

0:49:16.720,0:49:22.240
completely changed person after that

0:49:19.359,0:49:24.559
um so it’s you’d be surprised what you

0:49:22.240,0:49:27.760
can do if you take a moment to think

0:49:24.559,0:49:29.200
through your actions before you take

0:49:27.760,0:49:30.880
those actions and sometimes

0:49:29.200,0:49:33.119
you might still take those actions and

0:49:30.880,0:49:34.880
deal with those consequences

0:49:33.119,0:49:36.640
but sometimes thinking through might

0:49:34.880,0:49:38.319
find you might find different options

0:49:36.640,0:49:41.280
and you might find better options and i

0:49:38.319,0:49:44.319
think that’s the important lesson

0:49:41.280,0:49:45.760
so i think that was all we had today

0:49:44.319,0:49:47.760
okay was there anything else that you

0:49:45.760,0:49:49.920
wanted to add to the topic

0:49:47.760,0:49:52.000
uh i think that was really it i just

0:49:49.920,0:49:54.160
wanted to talk about the whole

0:49:52.000,0:49:55.839
aspect of revenge and such and how it’s

0:49:54.160,0:49:58.319
really not the best way

0:49:55.839,0:50:00.319
and how forgiveness i kind of wanted to

0:49:58.319,0:50:00.960
do more or less a compare and contrast

0:50:00.319,0:50:02.559
kind of thing

0:50:00.960,0:50:04.079
okay i think that was a good point we’ll

0:50:02.559,0:50:05.760
take a quick break we’ll come back we’ll

0:50:04.079,0:50:08.960
get your closing thoughts and finish up

0:50:05.760,0:50:08.960
the business of the podcast

0:50:10.839,0:50:15.119
alrighty

0:50:12.880,0:50:16.400
go for your closing thoughts so to

0:50:15.119,0:50:19.520
everyone out there

0:50:16.400,0:50:22.480
um i just want to say that forgiveness

0:50:19.520,0:50:24.960
is something that should be taught and

0:50:22.480,0:50:28.240
is something that everyone should do

0:50:24.960,0:50:29.839
um i want to talk again revenge is

0:50:28.240,0:50:31.960
definitely not an option

0:50:29.839,0:50:33.119
it’s just going to lead to even more

0:50:31.960,0:50:35.440
consequences

0:50:33.119,0:50:37.839
that you really don’t want to deal with

0:50:35.440,0:50:39.200
and you’d be surprised how forgiveness

0:50:37.839,0:50:42.160
can really be helpful

0:50:39.200,0:50:44.319
so to parents make sure you you teach

0:50:42.160,0:50:45.440
your teens the right values and how to

0:50:44.319,0:50:49.200
forgive

0:50:45.440,0:50:51.359
um and just never try taking revenge

0:50:49.200,0:50:55.520
against someone and at least try to

0:50:51.359,0:50:59.359
patch up things okay wise words

0:50:55.520,0:51:01.040
as always thank you before we do go i

0:50:59.359,0:51:03.280
want to remind folks you can subscribe

0:51:01.040,0:51:05.280
to the podcast you can get audio

0:51:03.280,0:51:07.520
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0:51:05.280,0:51:10.079
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0:51:07.520,0:51:12.880
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0:51:18.720,0:51:22.480
but also ask folks give us your feedback

0:51:20.800,0:51:24.400
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0:51:22.480,0:51:26.000
what we talk about on the show

0:51:24.400,0:51:27.520
let us know are there things that we

0:51:26.000,0:51:28.880
should be talking about that we’re not

0:51:27.520,0:51:30.800
talking about

0:51:28.880,0:51:33.680
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audio versions of this can be found on

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or you can get links to all those videos

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we have

0:52:33.280,0:52:41.599
a whole new uh page up now for our

0:52:38.000,0:52:42.960
uh hosts uh that was recently updated

0:52:41.599,0:52:47.119
this weekend let me

0:52:42.960,0:52:51.359
pull that up real quick we have some new

0:52:47.119,0:52:54.319
uh character photos from uh

0:52:51.359,0:52:57.599
from an app that we we discovered that

0:52:54.319,0:53:00.079
gave us sort of cartoony photo shots

0:52:57.599,0:53:00.640
so all of our hosts are up on there now

0:53:00.079,0:53:02.880
if you’re

0:53:00.640,0:53:05.760
an audio only listener you can get an

0:53:02.880,0:53:08.240
idea of what your hosts look like

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um you can get that at our website at

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insights into things dot com

0:53:11.599,0:53:16.400
and you and don’t forget to check out

0:53:15.040,0:53:18.400
our other two podcasts

0:53:16.400,0:53:19.440
insights into entertainment hosted by

0:53:18.400,0:53:21.440
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0:53:19.440,0:53:24.000
and insights into tomorrow our monthly

0:53:21.440,0:53:26.240
podcast hosted by you and my brother sam

0:53:24.000,0:53:29.580
nicely done and i think that’s it for

0:53:26.240,0:53:37.920
today another in the books bye everyone

0:53:29.580,0:53:37.920
[Music]

0:53:40.839,0:53:43.839
bye

0:53:44.450,0:54:02.640
[Music]

0:54:00.559,0:54:02.640
you

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